Mother Up (2013) s01e10 Episode Script
Apple's Story
1 She was a high-class queen of the music biz Covered in bling, 'bout to make it big A couple of kids, a dream deferred Goodbye big city, hello to the 'burbs Hello to the 'burbs Things are gettin' rough And life is gettin' tough These kids are drivin' me crazy I got to Mother Up! 1x10 - Apple's Story I got a guy who makes me animals.
It's a leopard shark but with real leopard legs, like god should have done.
- You're not keeping that thing here.
- I got no choice! It didn't get along with the falcon-whale.
I'm staring down a barrel on this one! The condo board in my building ain't budging.
Usually they look the other way but they're taking a stand because it ate the doorman.
Oh, my god, really? Over a doorman? - Mommy, I-I-I-I-I - Your kid's skipping.
My teacher said I didn't do a good job on my project! Hey, it worked! I'm getting pretty good at this mom thing.
What am I going to do? Oh, honey.
Look.
Here's a little advice: If you try something and you aren't good at it, then quit.
- Really? - Of course.
Life's short, why the hell spend it doing things you suck at? Just find the easy route and go with that.
Hey Rudi, do you mind if I hop in for a quick dip? I'm filthy with glorious dirt-fruit from the tree of hard labor.
Sure, no problem.
I saw my whole life pass before my eyes.
- And you stayed awake? - Why you so dirty anyway? I spent the day building sets for the school play.
- Oh, ha! You got arrested? - Good for you.
Having a record gives you street cred.
That's why I set fire to that outlet mall.
I didn't get arrested.
Well, who does stuff like that unless it's community service? Volunteers, that's who! The cape-less heroes of society.
Anyway, about the school play, I could use some help.
I can't.
I'm opposed to volunteering for political reasons or, uh, religious or uh I'm not going to help because I don't want to.
What about your kid, who's-his-nuts? Oh, Joel.
I asked him but he said no, and some other things with a lot of swearing.
- He makes a strong case.
- Yeah, I'm worried about him.
All he wants to do is listen to crazy music and scream-tell me things he says are wrong about me.
- It's called being a teenager.
- Maybe if you talked to him.
He does like music and since you used to be in the industry? - Still am, taking a break.
- Maybe hearing things from you would set him on the right path.
I am kind of a big deal in the entertainment world so I get why he would look up to me.
Alright, I'll do it right after I figure out something my kid, Apple, doesn't suck at.
Oh! Hey, Apple.
I'm sure you're not terrible at everything, we just haven't found the thing you're good at yet.
Ahh.
You're a good mom.
Thanks Greg.
You're a good mom too.
Apple Apple, if this is a hypnotism thing then from now on you love getting up before mommy and putting the coffee on.
I'm just doing what you said.
I quit things I'm not good at and since I'm not good at anything I'm just going to stay here - and do nothing forever.
- That's a terrible plan.
Eventually you'll rot and ruin my good couch.
Another banner day of motherhood.
Come on.
I'll help you figure it out.
Well, cross off baton twirling, cosmetology, ultimate fighting and wine steward.
- The twisty spike bit my hand.
- It's called a corkscrew.
Learn to use it.
It's your friend.
What if I turn out to never be good at anything? Just stay thin.
There are tons of rich, homely foreign men who will do anything for a skinny white wife.
I don't want to get married! I didn't mean right now.
That's worst case scenario.
But, you know, stay in shape so it's always a last resort option.
Mommy, my hand still hurts from the corkscrew.
Here hold this, it'll make the owie go away.
What about your plays, Apple? You could write a new one.
That's a great idea, Dick.
I can write one for my teacher and maybe she'll like it and maybe that's what I'm good at.
There you go: Apple the playwright.
Hope you like gay guys and studio apartments.
I'm going to start right now.
Thanks Dick.
- And mommy.
- I hate everything about everything! Okay.
I told Greg I'd talk to you, so here I am doing that.
I hope that shark eats his face, a lot! Well, that's hilarious but not a solution.
- So what's your problem? - Nobody here gets me.
- I hate it.
I hate it! - Not everything is about you.
I used to live in a great penthouse apartment, parties, nannies, limos, the works.
Now I'm stuck here.
So I've got way more reasons to hate this place than you.
Anyway, hope that helps.
If you like these guys you should check out the Phace Phisters.
Their album, "hey kids, let's eviscerate the babysitter" makes puke factory sound like chainsaw toothbrush.
Mommy, Mommy, my teacher liked my play.
She even let Principal Moxley read it.
What play? Did I know about that? - The one I wrote.
Remember? - Let me see.
Do you like it? Is it good? You're weirding me out.
Go do something while I read it.
If there's a magical pony in here I'm going to shoot myself in the face.
- Apple, come here.
- Was it okay? Okay?! Thanks to your play, and mostly me, we're gonna be stars.
All I wanna talk to you is about the kindergarten play.
Word on the playground is this year's play is a bust.
Kids are talking.
There may be some unrest regarding "Starbattle Othello".
It's only going to get worse.
So let's cancel it and do Apple's play instead.
We most certainly can not present a play written by a child.
Ugh! Isn't that the whole point? Isn't the whole reason for doing a play so that the kids can grow through imagination and experience? What's the angle? Apple is the star and I'm the new director.
I'm not leaving my kid's fate in the hands of some amateur.
All right, Commander Desdemona, get ready to teleport to Neptune to confront Bors-Bors the alien and your one true love.
Commence with acting! - Cut, stop, and scene.
- I insist you remove yourself from these - noble boards upon which the dreams of - The quality of this year's production is of such a low standard that I fear all of acting may be destroyed.
As such, the decision has been made that this year's kindergarten school play will be an original work written by this very talented little girl.
And directed by her equally talented mother, Rudi.
- Possibly even more talented.
- I must protest.
As school nurse and head of the Willowdale Amateur Thespians, the school play, nay, this very stage, has always been my domain.
Nay! Well, all mediocre things must come to an end.
All right.
Everything here is terrible.
- Get rid of it.
- Uh, let's not be too quick on the draw.
A lot of effort went into this, plus all my vacation time from work, and I flew to India to soak in the aura of a master builder.
Well, it's the wrong backdrop for this.
Apple, hit it! I left my dreams in the city giving up is all for the best now I live in the suburbs I'm on my way to less That little piece of magic can't happen on a spaceship.
Hello, work.
I quit.
I've got a set to build.
All right everyone, we're starting over.
Rehearsal every morning, 4:00 am and every day after school.
Apple's the star.
The rest of you figure out who you're going to be on your own.
I profanely proclaim that unless this affront to my artistry is corrected I shall end it all dramatically! Yeah.
Hey, does the director have her own office? If so, get your stuff out of it, I'm gonna need it.
Well, we have to tear everything down and start again but as they say in Bulgaria: Yay, suffering.
Everything that comes out of your mouth is stupid! You're right.
It does make you feel good to volunteer.
I wish I had more thumbs for you.
I wish you had no thumbs! That would be justice.
Hey Greg, how long's it gonna take to get rid of all this junk? - Well, Rudi - I'll do it.
I'll smash it all real good.
I don't know what you're worried about.
He seems like a good kid.
- So, Apple must be excited.
- Of course she is.
It's not often an amateur gets to work with an entertainment pro like me.
The important thing is that the kids all have fun and feel good about themselves.
Exactly.
No one feels good about themselves if they're involved in something that sucks.
Oh, hey Rudi.
I downloaded that Phace Phisters CD.
It's really good.
Anyway, my idiot step-dad said he didn't need my help anymore 'cuz I threw a hammer at his knee.
So I was thinking I could, like, help you or something.
- Uh-huh.
- I could do the lighting.
- Sure, sure, do that.
- I'm not going to let you down! It's going to be the best damn lighting you ever saw! Better than anything those jerks on broadway ever thought of! You have left me no choice.
I shall perish for art.
Greg, it's been almost a day.
Are the sets done yet? Yes in my mind.
Joel quit after I begged him to stop throwing hammers at my knees so I'm on my own.
Well, Dick's always looking for a father figure and you're kind of a man.
- I'll go get him to help.
- Doesn't he have class? Priorities, Greg.
I'm telling you, the play's good.
Damn good.
It's one of the best pieces of writing I've ever read.
And once I get through rewriting most of it, it'll be even better.
Well, won't Apple be upset? Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Look, all that matters is the play is a hit.
I'm a hit maker.
Apple isn't.
Have you ever written a play before? You're losing sight of what's important.
This play is my first step towards getting back on top of the entertainment industry.
It's not a good idea to put that much pressure on little kids.
Wrong.
Brutally intense pressure is good for five year old kids.
It helps separate the winners from the losers.
Trust me, when they're pulling down six figures instead of turning tricks in a truck stop parking lot they'll look back on this experience and thank me.
I tell ya, framing that set was a bitch.
Oh, right, kids aren't supposed to swear.
- Go to your room.
- Fair enough.
Remember kids, if you embarrass yourselves then you embarrass me and that's worse.
Go again.
Everything for me, is a possibility you are wrong! my future is wide open get ready for disappoint Cut, stop.
If the title of this play was "kids who can't sing or dance" we'd be in great shape.
I was afraid of this but don't worry.
I have a solution.
Meet your new musical director.
Raise your hand if you know how to twerk.
Yeah, that's what I figured.
But it's cool, I brought a pro.
Delaqueeshna, hit it! Listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me now But mommy, I liked my songs.
They're good.
I know, Apple, but good isn't good enough to get me anywhere.
Now go practice and listen to everything 2bit tells you.
I was up all night working on my designs, Rudi.
Check 'em out.
Too dramatic.
It's not a heavy metal show.
- Scrap it all, start again.
- But I worked really hard.
Look kid, save that crap for the first video for whatever terrible band you will eventually form.
I'm not a kid! I'm a guy! No! This is stupid.
- Dammit.
What now? - And you're not even that good, Apple.
Who the hell are you? She's being mean to me, Mommy.
All right, new rule.
From now on, no one looks Apple in the eye and no one talks to her unless she speaks to you first.
You all have a lot to learn about the theatre and how to treat a star.
But I'm the best.
I should be the star of the play.
Oh, please.
By third grade when your looks dry up you'll be a nobody.
I left my dreams in the city giving up is all for the best now I live in the suburbs I'm on my way to less Everybody meet the new star of the play.
Mommy! We open tonight and we still have a hell of lot of work to do.
Sarah's got some new scripts for everyone.
I was up all night doing rewrites so you all have a lot of new lines to memorize.
- But - It was depressing.
People want to be entertained: love, mystery, glitz, glamour thanks to me this play now has all of that.
Watch this.
Come on, girl, Delaqueeshna, work it out now! Yo, things about to get mother [bleep.]
real up in this bitch.
Yo Molly, show 'em what you got girl! I'm a Manhattan honey used to dream about the money hadda give it all up and stop I'm a star, this place can take me far I saw what your mom did.
She sucks.
Everything sucks! I just wanted to be good at something.
Now it's not even my play anymore and I'm not even a good enough me to be me.
We should totally get back at your mom for doing this to us.
- How? - I don't know.
I have too much teenage anger to think.
We just need to ruin the play.
There's a leopard shark in my backyard.
We could let it loose during the play and scare everyone away.
That is the best idea anyone has ever had! Thanks for all your help, Dick.
One purpose through the hands of many gets a something done.
I don't know what that means.
That is an exact quote from something I thought of once when I was pulling a leech off my face.
And one of these days I bet one of us figures out what that means.
So just remember, no matter what happens out there, do not disappoint me.
That's the key thing.
La-la-la-laaaa, b-b-b-b-b, la-la-la-la.
This play is going to rock! Why is Fergus dressed like that? There are no hip hop flowers in suburbia.
It's his favorite costume.
He wears it for every play.
- He'll just stand in the background.
- Oh, no, he won't.
My vision does not have flowers in it.
Leave Fergy alone, Rudi.
- Maybe this isn't a good idea.
- Your mom deserves it.
Now, when she comes out at the end to take her bow, I push this button and the doors open and plop! Leopard shark attack! It's going to be hilarious, - especially if it eats my Step-dad.
- I guess.
This play isn't about you little miss "only thinks about herself" pants.
I'm sorry but I won't apologize for that.
In the real world of theatre stage moms do not talk to directors that way.
Well, this isn't the real theatre.
Half the actors still have nap time.
- And the point is? - The children! Your children! Look at how happy Dick is.
And do you remember how happy Apple was when it was her play? She felt special, Rudi, like Dick does now.
Well, I was just trying to make sure she didn't make a fool of herself.
I think you're more worried about yourself.
Mommy, I think I pooped my flower.
Sweetie, that's okay.
Fergus, honey, you're just a little boy.
Listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me - Apple, come here.
- What now? I'm sorry, Apple.
I got caught up in everything and kind of lost track of what's important.
That it's just a play for little kids? Actually, that there isn't going to be anyone important in the audience; But yes, that too.
Come here.
All right.
We're doing the original play with Apple as the lead.
Really, Mommy? Do you mean it? What! That's not fair.
I quit.
From what? I just replaced you with Apple.
- We can't do it anymore.
- Too late.
She choked my love with her noose of words.
No, listen.
Just because she makes a lot of mistakes every day and forgets us places and doesn't cook and doesn't know what grade I'm in or when Dick's real birthday is doesn't mean she's not a good mom and she's my Mom and I love her.
She doesn't deserve to get eaten by a scary monster.
Come on, sweetie, the curtain's about to rise.
But Goodbye big city.
Take good care of my dreams.
I don't need them anymore.
Sure you can see more stars out here but what's the point in wishing this place has sucked so much life from me don't even know what I'm missing here's a secret just for you please don't tell my mother Uh, I'm right here.
I like my friends, I like this place better than the other I left my dreams in the city giving up is all for the best now I live in the suburbs we're on our way to less! Well done, children.
And now please continue your applause for the play's director, Rudi Wilson.
Huh? Run! Leave my friend alone! Thanks, Dick.
Ow! What the hell have I gotten myself into? Come on, kids.
Let's go home.
- It is home, isn't it? - For now, not forever.
- Stop making fun of me.
- Ahh!
It's a leopard shark but with real leopard legs, like god should have done.
- You're not keeping that thing here.
- I got no choice! It didn't get along with the falcon-whale.
I'm staring down a barrel on this one! The condo board in my building ain't budging.
Usually they look the other way but they're taking a stand because it ate the doorman.
Oh, my god, really? Over a doorman? - Mommy, I-I-I-I-I - Your kid's skipping.
My teacher said I didn't do a good job on my project! Hey, it worked! I'm getting pretty good at this mom thing.
What am I going to do? Oh, honey.
Look.
Here's a little advice: If you try something and you aren't good at it, then quit.
- Really? - Of course.
Life's short, why the hell spend it doing things you suck at? Just find the easy route and go with that.
Hey Rudi, do you mind if I hop in for a quick dip? I'm filthy with glorious dirt-fruit from the tree of hard labor.
Sure, no problem.
I saw my whole life pass before my eyes.
- And you stayed awake? - Why you so dirty anyway? I spent the day building sets for the school play.
- Oh, ha! You got arrested? - Good for you.
Having a record gives you street cred.
That's why I set fire to that outlet mall.
I didn't get arrested.
Well, who does stuff like that unless it's community service? Volunteers, that's who! The cape-less heroes of society.
Anyway, about the school play, I could use some help.
I can't.
I'm opposed to volunteering for political reasons or, uh, religious or uh I'm not going to help because I don't want to.
What about your kid, who's-his-nuts? Oh, Joel.
I asked him but he said no, and some other things with a lot of swearing.
- He makes a strong case.
- Yeah, I'm worried about him.
All he wants to do is listen to crazy music and scream-tell me things he says are wrong about me.
- It's called being a teenager.
- Maybe if you talked to him.
He does like music and since you used to be in the industry? - Still am, taking a break.
- Maybe hearing things from you would set him on the right path.
I am kind of a big deal in the entertainment world so I get why he would look up to me.
Alright, I'll do it right after I figure out something my kid, Apple, doesn't suck at.
Oh! Hey, Apple.
I'm sure you're not terrible at everything, we just haven't found the thing you're good at yet.
Ahh.
You're a good mom.
Thanks Greg.
You're a good mom too.
Apple Apple, if this is a hypnotism thing then from now on you love getting up before mommy and putting the coffee on.
I'm just doing what you said.
I quit things I'm not good at and since I'm not good at anything I'm just going to stay here - and do nothing forever.
- That's a terrible plan.
Eventually you'll rot and ruin my good couch.
Another banner day of motherhood.
Come on.
I'll help you figure it out.
Well, cross off baton twirling, cosmetology, ultimate fighting and wine steward.
- The twisty spike bit my hand.
- It's called a corkscrew.
Learn to use it.
It's your friend.
What if I turn out to never be good at anything? Just stay thin.
There are tons of rich, homely foreign men who will do anything for a skinny white wife.
I don't want to get married! I didn't mean right now.
That's worst case scenario.
But, you know, stay in shape so it's always a last resort option.
Mommy, my hand still hurts from the corkscrew.
Here hold this, it'll make the owie go away.
What about your plays, Apple? You could write a new one.
That's a great idea, Dick.
I can write one for my teacher and maybe she'll like it and maybe that's what I'm good at.
There you go: Apple the playwright.
Hope you like gay guys and studio apartments.
I'm going to start right now.
Thanks Dick.
- And mommy.
- I hate everything about everything! Okay.
I told Greg I'd talk to you, so here I am doing that.
I hope that shark eats his face, a lot! Well, that's hilarious but not a solution.
- So what's your problem? - Nobody here gets me.
- I hate it.
I hate it! - Not everything is about you.
I used to live in a great penthouse apartment, parties, nannies, limos, the works.
Now I'm stuck here.
So I've got way more reasons to hate this place than you.
Anyway, hope that helps.
If you like these guys you should check out the Phace Phisters.
Their album, "hey kids, let's eviscerate the babysitter" makes puke factory sound like chainsaw toothbrush.
Mommy, Mommy, my teacher liked my play.
She even let Principal Moxley read it.
What play? Did I know about that? - The one I wrote.
Remember? - Let me see.
Do you like it? Is it good? You're weirding me out.
Go do something while I read it.
If there's a magical pony in here I'm going to shoot myself in the face.
- Apple, come here.
- Was it okay? Okay?! Thanks to your play, and mostly me, we're gonna be stars.
All I wanna talk to you is about the kindergarten play.
Word on the playground is this year's play is a bust.
Kids are talking.
There may be some unrest regarding "Starbattle Othello".
It's only going to get worse.
So let's cancel it and do Apple's play instead.
We most certainly can not present a play written by a child.
Ugh! Isn't that the whole point? Isn't the whole reason for doing a play so that the kids can grow through imagination and experience? What's the angle? Apple is the star and I'm the new director.
I'm not leaving my kid's fate in the hands of some amateur.
All right, Commander Desdemona, get ready to teleport to Neptune to confront Bors-Bors the alien and your one true love.
Commence with acting! - Cut, stop, and scene.
- I insist you remove yourself from these - noble boards upon which the dreams of - The quality of this year's production is of such a low standard that I fear all of acting may be destroyed.
As such, the decision has been made that this year's kindergarten school play will be an original work written by this very talented little girl.
And directed by her equally talented mother, Rudi.
- Possibly even more talented.
- I must protest.
As school nurse and head of the Willowdale Amateur Thespians, the school play, nay, this very stage, has always been my domain.
Nay! Well, all mediocre things must come to an end.
All right.
Everything here is terrible.
- Get rid of it.
- Uh, let's not be too quick on the draw.
A lot of effort went into this, plus all my vacation time from work, and I flew to India to soak in the aura of a master builder.
Well, it's the wrong backdrop for this.
Apple, hit it! I left my dreams in the city giving up is all for the best now I live in the suburbs I'm on my way to less That little piece of magic can't happen on a spaceship.
Hello, work.
I quit.
I've got a set to build.
All right everyone, we're starting over.
Rehearsal every morning, 4:00 am and every day after school.
Apple's the star.
The rest of you figure out who you're going to be on your own.
I profanely proclaim that unless this affront to my artistry is corrected I shall end it all dramatically! Yeah.
Hey, does the director have her own office? If so, get your stuff out of it, I'm gonna need it.
Well, we have to tear everything down and start again but as they say in Bulgaria: Yay, suffering.
Everything that comes out of your mouth is stupid! You're right.
It does make you feel good to volunteer.
I wish I had more thumbs for you.
I wish you had no thumbs! That would be justice.
Hey Greg, how long's it gonna take to get rid of all this junk? - Well, Rudi - I'll do it.
I'll smash it all real good.
I don't know what you're worried about.
He seems like a good kid.
- So, Apple must be excited.
- Of course she is.
It's not often an amateur gets to work with an entertainment pro like me.
The important thing is that the kids all have fun and feel good about themselves.
Exactly.
No one feels good about themselves if they're involved in something that sucks.
Oh, hey Rudi.
I downloaded that Phace Phisters CD.
It's really good.
Anyway, my idiot step-dad said he didn't need my help anymore 'cuz I threw a hammer at his knee.
So I was thinking I could, like, help you or something.
- Uh-huh.
- I could do the lighting.
- Sure, sure, do that.
- I'm not going to let you down! It's going to be the best damn lighting you ever saw! Better than anything those jerks on broadway ever thought of! You have left me no choice.
I shall perish for art.
Greg, it's been almost a day.
Are the sets done yet? Yes in my mind.
Joel quit after I begged him to stop throwing hammers at my knees so I'm on my own.
Well, Dick's always looking for a father figure and you're kind of a man.
- I'll go get him to help.
- Doesn't he have class? Priorities, Greg.
I'm telling you, the play's good.
Damn good.
It's one of the best pieces of writing I've ever read.
And once I get through rewriting most of it, it'll be even better.
Well, won't Apple be upset? Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Look, all that matters is the play is a hit.
I'm a hit maker.
Apple isn't.
Have you ever written a play before? You're losing sight of what's important.
This play is my first step towards getting back on top of the entertainment industry.
It's not a good idea to put that much pressure on little kids.
Wrong.
Brutally intense pressure is good for five year old kids.
It helps separate the winners from the losers.
Trust me, when they're pulling down six figures instead of turning tricks in a truck stop parking lot they'll look back on this experience and thank me.
I tell ya, framing that set was a bitch.
Oh, right, kids aren't supposed to swear.
- Go to your room.
- Fair enough.
Remember kids, if you embarrass yourselves then you embarrass me and that's worse.
Go again.
Everything for me, is a possibility you are wrong! my future is wide open get ready for disappoint Cut, stop.
If the title of this play was "kids who can't sing or dance" we'd be in great shape.
I was afraid of this but don't worry.
I have a solution.
Meet your new musical director.
Raise your hand if you know how to twerk.
Yeah, that's what I figured.
But it's cool, I brought a pro.
Delaqueeshna, hit it! Listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me now But mommy, I liked my songs.
They're good.
I know, Apple, but good isn't good enough to get me anywhere.
Now go practice and listen to everything 2bit tells you.
I was up all night working on my designs, Rudi.
Check 'em out.
Too dramatic.
It's not a heavy metal show.
- Scrap it all, start again.
- But I worked really hard.
Look kid, save that crap for the first video for whatever terrible band you will eventually form.
I'm not a kid! I'm a guy! No! This is stupid.
- Dammit.
What now? - And you're not even that good, Apple.
Who the hell are you? She's being mean to me, Mommy.
All right, new rule.
From now on, no one looks Apple in the eye and no one talks to her unless she speaks to you first.
You all have a lot to learn about the theatre and how to treat a star.
But I'm the best.
I should be the star of the play.
Oh, please.
By third grade when your looks dry up you'll be a nobody.
I left my dreams in the city giving up is all for the best now I live in the suburbs I'm on my way to less Everybody meet the new star of the play.
Mommy! We open tonight and we still have a hell of lot of work to do.
Sarah's got some new scripts for everyone.
I was up all night doing rewrites so you all have a lot of new lines to memorize.
- But - It was depressing.
People want to be entertained: love, mystery, glitz, glamour thanks to me this play now has all of that.
Watch this.
Come on, girl, Delaqueeshna, work it out now! Yo, things about to get mother [bleep.]
real up in this bitch.
Yo Molly, show 'em what you got girl! I'm a Manhattan honey used to dream about the money hadda give it all up and stop I'm a star, this place can take me far I saw what your mom did.
She sucks.
Everything sucks! I just wanted to be good at something.
Now it's not even my play anymore and I'm not even a good enough me to be me.
We should totally get back at your mom for doing this to us.
- How? - I don't know.
I have too much teenage anger to think.
We just need to ruin the play.
There's a leopard shark in my backyard.
We could let it loose during the play and scare everyone away.
That is the best idea anyone has ever had! Thanks for all your help, Dick.
One purpose through the hands of many gets a something done.
I don't know what that means.
That is an exact quote from something I thought of once when I was pulling a leech off my face.
And one of these days I bet one of us figures out what that means.
So just remember, no matter what happens out there, do not disappoint me.
That's the key thing.
La-la-la-laaaa, b-b-b-b-b, la-la-la-la.
This play is going to rock! Why is Fergus dressed like that? There are no hip hop flowers in suburbia.
It's his favorite costume.
He wears it for every play.
- He'll just stand in the background.
- Oh, no, he won't.
My vision does not have flowers in it.
Leave Fergy alone, Rudi.
- Maybe this isn't a good idea.
- Your mom deserves it.
Now, when she comes out at the end to take her bow, I push this button and the doors open and plop! Leopard shark attack! It's going to be hilarious, - especially if it eats my Step-dad.
- I guess.
This play isn't about you little miss "only thinks about herself" pants.
I'm sorry but I won't apologize for that.
In the real world of theatre stage moms do not talk to directors that way.
Well, this isn't the real theatre.
Half the actors still have nap time.
- And the point is? - The children! Your children! Look at how happy Dick is.
And do you remember how happy Apple was when it was her play? She felt special, Rudi, like Dick does now.
Well, I was just trying to make sure she didn't make a fool of herself.
I think you're more worried about yourself.
Mommy, I think I pooped my flower.
Sweetie, that's okay.
Fergus, honey, you're just a little boy.
Listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me now listen to me listen to me listen to me - Apple, come here.
- What now? I'm sorry, Apple.
I got caught up in everything and kind of lost track of what's important.
That it's just a play for little kids? Actually, that there isn't going to be anyone important in the audience; But yes, that too.
Come here.
All right.
We're doing the original play with Apple as the lead.
Really, Mommy? Do you mean it? What! That's not fair.
I quit.
From what? I just replaced you with Apple.
- We can't do it anymore.
- Too late.
She choked my love with her noose of words.
No, listen.
Just because she makes a lot of mistakes every day and forgets us places and doesn't cook and doesn't know what grade I'm in or when Dick's real birthday is doesn't mean she's not a good mom and she's my Mom and I love her.
She doesn't deserve to get eaten by a scary monster.
Come on, sweetie, the curtain's about to rise.
But Goodbye big city.
Take good care of my dreams.
I don't need them anymore.
Sure you can see more stars out here but what's the point in wishing this place has sucked so much life from me don't even know what I'm missing here's a secret just for you please don't tell my mother Uh, I'm right here.
I like my friends, I like this place better than the other I left my dreams in the city giving up is all for the best now I live in the suburbs we're on our way to less! Well done, children.
And now please continue your applause for the play's director, Rudi Wilson.
Huh? Run! Leave my friend alone! Thanks, Dick.
Ow! What the hell have I gotten myself into? Come on, kids.
Let's go home.
- It is home, isn't it? - For now, not forever.
- Stop making fun of me.
- Ahh!