Murphy Brown s01e10 Episode Script
Kyle
In five, four, three And the story of Kyle Whitsett doesn't end there, as our own Murphy Brown explains.
That's right, Jim.
Today, Kyle Whitsett is a free man.
After nearly 15 years in a federal penitentiary he has finally been cleared of any connection in the 1973 robbery of the Richmond National Bank.
Today, Kyle, your life begins anew.
A fresh start.
At long last, you're free.
How does it feel? Well, for a while there, I thought I was gonna throw up.
So we'll just leave it at overwhelming.
Kyle, yours is an amazing story.
The web of deceit and cover-ups is so far-reaching and complex, it took me nearly five months to unravel.
Any bitterness toward those responsible? No.
Well, then, what's next? What's on the horizon for Kyle Whitsett? I'll probably get something to eat.
Okay, then, we're just about out of time.
Any last words before you begin your new life? I was supposed to tell you that a lot of guys in my cellblock think you're real pretty.
- Thank you.
- Of course most of them think Mr.
Fontana's prettier.
Back to you, Jim.
Thank you, Murphy, for that riveting interview.
This has been another edition of FYI.
Good night.
That's a wrap, folks.
Kyle, let me be the first to say, on behalf of the staff and crew here at FYI congratulations, and best of luck on the outside.
You got a lot of lost time to make up for.
Go get them, buddy.
Kyle, sincerest best wishes.
I just know you're going to be the one in 20 who make it.
So this is it, Kyle.
Good luck.
I never expected to get out.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Thank you, guys.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
- Goodbye.
Now, let me see if I've got this right.
I don't have a secretary today because you can't work on a Jewish holiday but you can't remember which Jewish holiday it is? No, I'm sorry, Ms.
McCall, Rosh Kippur doesn't quite make it.
Murphy, I want you to know this is a red-letter day here at FYI.
Ratings last night went through the roof.
We pulled a 36 share on the overnights.
That's wonderful, but I've got a lot of work to do and no secretary to help me do it so if you don't mind.
- You know that Kyle Whitsett piece, I knew it was good the moment I heard about it.
- I've got my finger on the pulse.
- You've got your butt on my notes.
Hello, Donna Copley, please.
Hi, this is Murphy Brown from FYI.
You filled in as my secretary once, remember? Donna? Hello? Did you see the paper? Two outstanding reviews of last night's show.
- Let me see.
- Frank, I'm working here.
You know, I was the one who passed the story on to Murphy.
She practically begged me to.
What could I say? - You lie like a rug, Frank.
- I lie? Charlene, you recognized my voice.
Hello? Boy, I just can't stop thinking about that Kyle.
What a profession this is, huh? To be able to change someone's life in such a positive way.
And it's so gratifying to know that I was such a very big part of it.
Corky, do you have to eat that in here? - Here's your coffee, Corky.
- Oh, thanks.
Oh, gee, Jim, nice of you to drop by.
Please, make yourself at home.
Thanks, Murphy.
You know I was thinking about the piece we did last night on that little fellow.
Good stuff.
I remember when the anonymous tip was called in.
"Miles," I said, "do this story.
" Do you remember that? - No.
- You didn't have anything to do with it.
Murphy, you got a visitor.
That guy from last night's show.
Kyle? What's he doing here? - Hey, how's it going? - Hello, Kyle.
Hi, gang.
Where'd you get the duds, Kyle? Oh, I bought these duds just before I went to prison.
Practically brand-new.
Pretty nice, huh? - Sharp.
- Yeah.
Groovy.
Boy, I sure missed you guys.
What have you been up to? Well, mostly we went home, slept then came back to work.
Boy, it feels good to be someplace familiar.
Hang around with my friends.
I guess I haven't quite caught up with the world yet.
You've been out one day.
I'm sure once you get settled and find a job, things will be easier.
Oh, yeah.
I've been on interviews already.
Well, the manager at Willie's Wieners said he wouldn't hire me because I was in prison once.
The guy at Marty's Garage was interested till I leaned on the car he was working under.
I'm gonna check back with him when he gets out of the hospital.
Well, I'm sure something will turn up.
You've just gotta hang in there.
Boy, the world sure changed a lot in 15 years.
I should've tried to get in the computer training program at prison instead of spending all that time in interpretive dance class.
Well, y'all look real busy.
I just wanted to drop by and say hi.
- Bye.
- Goodbye, Kyle.
Bye.
Bye.
Man, that is heartbreaking.
You take a person from a protected environment, sometimes they can't adjust.
It's like he was better off in jail, before Murphy threw him out on the streets scared and alone.
- What? Now, wait.
We should all share the responsibility.
There is no responsibility.
We report stories.
It's our job to be objective and uninvolved.
It ends there.
She's right, you know.
Though, somehow, this is different.
I know it's not professional, but darn it all, you just wanna help the little fellow.
Look, I feel sorry for him too.
But we're not gonna be doing him any favors if we interfere.
He's gotta know he can fend for himself.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have too much work to do.
You know, I just got a great idea.
- Kyle.
- Hi, Miss Brown.
Did you have a nice lunch? No, I didn't, Kyle.
My lunch guest didn't show up.
Do you know why? - Why? - He went to the wrong restaurant.
- What'd he wanna go and do that for? - Somebody told him to.
You, Kyle.
You sent the secretary of state to Captain Larry's Chicken Roundup.
They made him wear a paper hat, Kyle.
I passed by that place this morning on my way to work.
It looked like fun, I guess the name just kind of stuck in my head.
I'm real sorry.
It'll never happen again.
- Yeah, right.
How's that letter coming? - Just fine.
When they taught you typing in prison did they mention the process tends to go faster if you use both hands? - But Big Eddie only taught us this way.
- Big Eddie? Big Eddie One Arm.
Oh, dang.
- I think the ribbon's jammed.
- When you're through get me the research on the B1.
I can't tell where you filed it.
Check.
- Kyle.
- Yes ma'am? - Have you seen my ant farm? - Oh, I meant to tell you.
I was cleaning the glass.
The poor little guys, they could hardly see out.
Well, not that it's really a problem now.
Oh, Kyle, I loved those ants.
Well, I'm sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, most of them survived the crash.
Boy, can those little things skedaddle.
Oh, great.
- Here, let me do that.
- Hey, Murphy, Kyle.
Just came by to see how things are going.
Kyle, this would be a good time for you to get me those files.
Sure thing.
Miles, this isn't working out.
I have certain needs.
Someone who files alphabetically.
Someone who makes a cup of coffee without setting off the smoke alarm.
Someone who can find his way back here without stopping at the lobby directory.
You know, I didn't wanna say anything but this parade of secretaries you've gone through.
It's always their fault, it's never you.
- Isn't that it, Murphy? - Yes.
Yeah.
For your own sake, I suggest you try to make this work.
Getting along with other people is a reflection of getting along with yourself.
I've got your reflection right here, pal.
Here you go.
It's the wrong file, Kyle.
You're a poet and you don't know it.
- How goes it, Kyle? - It goes well.
You don't happen to have a copy of the Moscow report from last month, do you? - By my desk.
- Oh, I'll get it, Mr.
Dial.
Kyle seems quite enthusiastic about his new surroundings.
How's he doing? Oh, swell.
Miss Brown, were those books on your shelves in any real special order? Kyle, don't go into my office anymore.
Even if I forget and ask you to, okay?! Her bark is worse than her bite.
- So we're still on for tonight? - You bet.
Doris is making stroganoff and apple fritters.
- In the microwave? - No, but we could melt a stick of butter.
- How long does that take? - Thirty seconds.
Can you believe it? Kyle, I need more typewriter ribbon from the supply room.
- Check.
- Hey, Kyle, I've got something for you.
- For me? - Friday's game.
- Bullets and Celtics, just like I promised.
- Hey, thanks, Mr.
Fontana.
Kyle, the ribbon! Don't let her get to you, Kyle.
She's had kind of a tough time ever since she got back from the Betty Ford Clinic.
- Just give her a chance, okay? - Okay.
My man! I'll get it.
Murphy Brown's office.
The ribbon, Kyle.
- Check.
- Kyle I just wanted to say how proud we all are of you.
- You're doing a fabulous job.
- Hey, thanks.
- Can you hold please, senator? - Would you like to go to the game with me? Oh, gee, Kyle, I'd love to, but I hate basketball.
Tall men frighten me.
Oh, I see.
I've got a friend though.
Her name's Barbara.
And a little voice is telling me you two just might hit it off.
Barbara, great.
Hold please, one second.
Still there, senator? Great.
Hold please, one sec.
Murphy Brown's office.
And listen, Kyle, don't let Murphy make you crazy.
She gets this way around the 18th of every month.
Mark that day on your calendar.
We all have.
Hi, Murphy.
Why are you working over here? I don't know, Frank.
I just felt like having some privacy.
Yeah, the office can get pretty crazy.
Kyle.
He's quite a character.
He accidentally stapled my mail to his tie.
That's the fourth time this week.
- He's getting to you.
- I didn't say that.
- I thought you guys already had your lunch.
- We did.
Kyle was making coffee back at the office.
We thought we'd take a walk.
I guess he's still adjusting to life on the outside.
- He's come a long way already.
- Who are we kidding? The guy's a loser.
Do I sense a change of heart? Wednesday he kept me up until 2 a.
M testing ways to ask Barbara to bear his children.
Every night this week, he's shown up on my back porch at dinnertime.
Last night during coffee and dessert he danced for us.
Doris tried to kill him with a Dustbuster.
That's nothing.
He carpools with me.
Every day he teaches me a new song he learned in prison.
Today it was "The Warden's A-Winking at Me.
" You talking about the wimpy guy in the hippie outfit? I don't like him.
Comes in here, starts telling me how to run my kitchen.
Says he's got some recipe for chow mein that serves 5000.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna put in a real high doorknob.
Well, I'm not one to say I told you so.
Yes, you are.
I told you so.
I warned you about the objectivity of journalists and I warned you about interfering with - Just fire him, Murphy.
- Me? - I would, but he knows where I live.
I don't know.
I think Kyle is really starting to catch on.
Don't toy with us.
What do we have to do, grovel? - Please.
- Please.
Okay, I'll fire him.
You bunch of wusses.
- He found us.
- How does he do it? We had an old bloodhound like that back home.
We had to shoot him.
- Hi, Phil.
- Last call.
Hi, gang.
You got room for one more? - Take my seat.
- Important meeting.
- Better run.
- Bye-bye.
See you later.
I'm glad you stopped by, Kyle.
I think we should talk.
- I'm all ears.
- I believe in being direct.
- That's why I'm going to just - I know you! You're Murphy Brown.
I've seen you on TV.
What's that show you're on? - FYI.
- No, Moonlighting.
You're always nagging that guy with funny hair.
We'd like to be alone, if you don't mind.
Boy, pretty uppity for a costar.
Oh, now, you just wait a minute there, big mister.
Kyle, I can take care of this.
Murphy took a chance on me when the world was looking down their noses at me.
- Kyle.
- She taught me to believe in myself.
And for the first time in my life, I do.
Sure, you hear a lot of bad stuff about her.
She's bossy, she's irritable, she's a drunkard she can't get a date to save her life.
- Kyle! But because of this woman, I've been given a second chance.
A new start.
I owe this woman my life, my future.
Murphy Brown's a saint, I tell you.
A saint.
Gee, I had no idea.
I'm real sorry.
I feel like a weenie.
Boy, what a fathead.
So, boss, what's up? There are hundreds of jobs in here.
There must be something he can do.
Hey, "Looking for trainable persons for positions in the fast-paced world of air traffic control.
" At least I'm trying.
Miles is reading "Dear Abby.
" I have the afternoon papers.
What happened to your shirt? Kyle gave me a pen.
I bought this shirt in Milan.
Four tailors measured me so the fit would be exact.
Down to the difference in circumference between my left and right wrists.
I don't want him here anymore.
I just don't want him.
Come on, he'll be back from the Xerox room any minute.
Hey, here's something.
"Telephone sales.
No experience necessary.
" How could he screw that up? He has no experience.
I've seen him dial a phone.
I'm gonna call and give him a recommendation just to be on the safe side.
Not to be the voice of negativity but are we doing the right thing here? It's like playing God with a man's life.
Call! Well, what do you think? Kyle, my man.
You are on fire.
Again? No, no.
I think he means you look very debonair.
I never had a suit like this before.
The pants don't even ride up.
And this is only the beginning, Kyle.
If you get this job, you have a bright and promising career ahead of you in the exciting field of telephone sales.
Oh, gee, I like the sound of that.
But what about you guys? It isn't right for me to just abandon you.
Yes, it is, Kyle I mean, we'd all feel so guilty if we thought we'd held you back from this opportunity.
Of course, we'll miss you.
Right, guys? - Yeah, it'll be rough.
- We'll miss you.
Oh, you guys are the greatest.
You just give and give and give.
Well, we're givers.
Now, remember what I told you? You're a valuable human being.
An asset to any organization.
Valuable human being, an asset.
I got it.
It sometimes helps to have a little anecdote ready for the interview.
Maybe I could tell them about the time the guys in my cellblock tried to drown me in the toilet bowl.
Skip the anecdote, Kyle.
Hello, Doris? No, no word.
Just keep your fingers crossed and be strong.
Goodbye.
He didn't get it.
I know he didn't get it.
He'll come back to that desk.
He'll slowly and methodically destroy everything in my office except the phone cord, which he'll accidentally wrap around my neck.
They'll find my body pressed against the glass, trying to get out.
And then he'll go to jail, until some idiot journalist gets him out.
I didn't get it.
This is going to kill Doris.
They said I was overqualified.
They said anybody who dresses as nice as I do doesn't belong in telephone sales.
But the good news is, on the way back the cab I was in ran into the back of one of those High Mountain Water trucks.
And I said to myself, I said, "Hey now, that's the job for Kyle Whitsett.
" Outdoors, just tooling around in a big old truck.
- And guess what.
- What? What, Kyle, what? The man who was driving the truck said there was an opening.
So I applied, and I got the job.
- Isn't that great? - Yes.
- Yes.
- This is great, this is very great! But the only thing is I gotta start this afternoon.
- Well, start! - Go for it! Oh, boy, the giving just never stops around here.
You know, I just feel like telling them to keep their darned old job.
I'm just gonna stay here with you guys.
But I can't.
Guess it's time to start thinking about what's best for Kyle Whitsett.
So, anyway, this is goodbye, and thanks.
- Bye, everybody.
- Goodbye, Kyle.
Murphy, I wanna thank you for everything.
I know that I'll never forget you.
Oh, God, I didn't wanna hurt you.
I'll be okay.
Good luck, Kyle.
Goodbye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Bye-bye! Eldin, my man.
The boss is home, and she's on top of the world.
Tonight I've planned the perfect evening.
I got some brownies, some ice cream and I rented a copy of The Producers.
If you promise not to talk during "Springtime For Hitler," you can stay.
No, thanks.
I'm meeting my associates, Nickie and Maurice at the Blue Parrot.
It's wet T-shirt night.
If chicks wear T-shirts, they get in for free.
You wanna come? In another life.
What was that? Oh, this water delivery guy.
He's been here for, like, 20 minutes.
Not counting the half-hour I spent trying to get his tie out of the cassette player.
Oh, no, it can't be.
Hey, Mr.
Painter, do you know where they keep the mop? I'll meet you in the car.
Bye.
That's right, Jim.
Today, Kyle Whitsett is a free man.
After nearly 15 years in a federal penitentiary he has finally been cleared of any connection in the 1973 robbery of the Richmond National Bank.
Today, Kyle, your life begins anew.
A fresh start.
At long last, you're free.
How does it feel? Well, for a while there, I thought I was gonna throw up.
So we'll just leave it at overwhelming.
Kyle, yours is an amazing story.
The web of deceit and cover-ups is so far-reaching and complex, it took me nearly five months to unravel.
Any bitterness toward those responsible? No.
Well, then, what's next? What's on the horizon for Kyle Whitsett? I'll probably get something to eat.
Okay, then, we're just about out of time.
Any last words before you begin your new life? I was supposed to tell you that a lot of guys in my cellblock think you're real pretty.
- Thank you.
- Of course most of them think Mr.
Fontana's prettier.
Back to you, Jim.
Thank you, Murphy, for that riveting interview.
This has been another edition of FYI.
Good night.
That's a wrap, folks.
Kyle, let me be the first to say, on behalf of the staff and crew here at FYI congratulations, and best of luck on the outside.
You got a lot of lost time to make up for.
Go get them, buddy.
Kyle, sincerest best wishes.
I just know you're going to be the one in 20 who make it.
So this is it, Kyle.
Good luck.
I never expected to get out.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Thank you, guys.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
- Goodbye.
Now, let me see if I've got this right.
I don't have a secretary today because you can't work on a Jewish holiday but you can't remember which Jewish holiday it is? No, I'm sorry, Ms.
McCall, Rosh Kippur doesn't quite make it.
Murphy, I want you to know this is a red-letter day here at FYI.
Ratings last night went through the roof.
We pulled a 36 share on the overnights.
That's wonderful, but I've got a lot of work to do and no secretary to help me do it so if you don't mind.
- You know that Kyle Whitsett piece, I knew it was good the moment I heard about it.
- I've got my finger on the pulse.
- You've got your butt on my notes.
Hello, Donna Copley, please.
Hi, this is Murphy Brown from FYI.
You filled in as my secretary once, remember? Donna? Hello? Did you see the paper? Two outstanding reviews of last night's show.
- Let me see.
- Frank, I'm working here.
You know, I was the one who passed the story on to Murphy.
She practically begged me to.
What could I say? - You lie like a rug, Frank.
- I lie? Charlene, you recognized my voice.
Hello? Boy, I just can't stop thinking about that Kyle.
What a profession this is, huh? To be able to change someone's life in such a positive way.
And it's so gratifying to know that I was such a very big part of it.
Corky, do you have to eat that in here? - Here's your coffee, Corky.
- Oh, thanks.
Oh, gee, Jim, nice of you to drop by.
Please, make yourself at home.
Thanks, Murphy.
You know I was thinking about the piece we did last night on that little fellow.
Good stuff.
I remember when the anonymous tip was called in.
"Miles," I said, "do this story.
" Do you remember that? - No.
- You didn't have anything to do with it.
Murphy, you got a visitor.
That guy from last night's show.
Kyle? What's he doing here? - Hey, how's it going? - Hello, Kyle.
Hi, gang.
Where'd you get the duds, Kyle? Oh, I bought these duds just before I went to prison.
Practically brand-new.
Pretty nice, huh? - Sharp.
- Yeah.
Groovy.
Boy, I sure missed you guys.
What have you been up to? Well, mostly we went home, slept then came back to work.
Boy, it feels good to be someplace familiar.
Hang around with my friends.
I guess I haven't quite caught up with the world yet.
You've been out one day.
I'm sure once you get settled and find a job, things will be easier.
Oh, yeah.
I've been on interviews already.
Well, the manager at Willie's Wieners said he wouldn't hire me because I was in prison once.
The guy at Marty's Garage was interested till I leaned on the car he was working under.
I'm gonna check back with him when he gets out of the hospital.
Well, I'm sure something will turn up.
You've just gotta hang in there.
Boy, the world sure changed a lot in 15 years.
I should've tried to get in the computer training program at prison instead of spending all that time in interpretive dance class.
Well, y'all look real busy.
I just wanted to drop by and say hi.
- Bye.
- Goodbye, Kyle.
Bye.
Bye.
Man, that is heartbreaking.
You take a person from a protected environment, sometimes they can't adjust.
It's like he was better off in jail, before Murphy threw him out on the streets scared and alone.
- What? Now, wait.
We should all share the responsibility.
There is no responsibility.
We report stories.
It's our job to be objective and uninvolved.
It ends there.
She's right, you know.
Though, somehow, this is different.
I know it's not professional, but darn it all, you just wanna help the little fellow.
Look, I feel sorry for him too.
But we're not gonna be doing him any favors if we interfere.
He's gotta know he can fend for himself.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have too much work to do.
You know, I just got a great idea.
- Kyle.
- Hi, Miss Brown.
Did you have a nice lunch? No, I didn't, Kyle.
My lunch guest didn't show up.
Do you know why? - Why? - He went to the wrong restaurant.
- What'd he wanna go and do that for? - Somebody told him to.
You, Kyle.
You sent the secretary of state to Captain Larry's Chicken Roundup.
They made him wear a paper hat, Kyle.
I passed by that place this morning on my way to work.
It looked like fun, I guess the name just kind of stuck in my head.
I'm real sorry.
It'll never happen again.
- Yeah, right.
How's that letter coming? - Just fine.
When they taught you typing in prison did they mention the process tends to go faster if you use both hands? - But Big Eddie only taught us this way.
- Big Eddie? Big Eddie One Arm.
Oh, dang.
- I think the ribbon's jammed.
- When you're through get me the research on the B1.
I can't tell where you filed it.
Check.
- Kyle.
- Yes ma'am? - Have you seen my ant farm? - Oh, I meant to tell you.
I was cleaning the glass.
The poor little guys, they could hardly see out.
Well, not that it's really a problem now.
Oh, Kyle, I loved those ants.
Well, I'm sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, most of them survived the crash.
Boy, can those little things skedaddle.
Oh, great.
- Here, let me do that.
- Hey, Murphy, Kyle.
Just came by to see how things are going.
Kyle, this would be a good time for you to get me those files.
Sure thing.
Miles, this isn't working out.
I have certain needs.
Someone who files alphabetically.
Someone who makes a cup of coffee without setting off the smoke alarm.
Someone who can find his way back here without stopping at the lobby directory.
You know, I didn't wanna say anything but this parade of secretaries you've gone through.
It's always their fault, it's never you.
- Isn't that it, Murphy? - Yes.
Yeah.
For your own sake, I suggest you try to make this work.
Getting along with other people is a reflection of getting along with yourself.
I've got your reflection right here, pal.
Here you go.
It's the wrong file, Kyle.
You're a poet and you don't know it.
- How goes it, Kyle? - It goes well.
You don't happen to have a copy of the Moscow report from last month, do you? - By my desk.
- Oh, I'll get it, Mr.
Dial.
Kyle seems quite enthusiastic about his new surroundings.
How's he doing? Oh, swell.
Miss Brown, were those books on your shelves in any real special order? Kyle, don't go into my office anymore.
Even if I forget and ask you to, okay?! Her bark is worse than her bite.
- So we're still on for tonight? - You bet.
Doris is making stroganoff and apple fritters.
- In the microwave? - No, but we could melt a stick of butter.
- How long does that take? - Thirty seconds.
Can you believe it? Kyle, I need more typewriter ribbon from the supply room.
- Check.
- Hey, Kyle, I've got something for you.
- For me? - Friday's game.
- Bullets and Celtics, just like I promised.
- Hey, thanks, Mr.
Fontana.
Kyle, the ribbon! Don't let her get to you, Kyle.
She's had kind of a tough time ever since she got back from the Betty Ford Clinic.
- Just give her a chance, okay? - Okay.
My man! I'll get it.
Murphy Brown's office.
The ribbon, Kyle.
- Check.
- Kyle I just wanted to say how proud we all are of you.
- You're doing a fabulous job.
- Hey, thanks.
- Can you hold please, senator? - Would you like to go to the game with me? Oh, gee, Kyle, I'd love to, but I hate basketball.
Tall men frighten me.
Oh, I see.
I've got a friend though.
Her name's Barbara.
And a little voice is telling me you two just might hit it off.
Barbara, great.
Hold please, one second.
Still there, senator? Great.
Hold please, one sec.
Murphy Brown's office.
And listen, Kyle, don't let Murphy make you crazy.
She gets this way around the 18th of every month.
Mark that day on your calendar.
We all have.
Hi, Murphy.
Why are you working over here? I don't know, Frank.
I just felt like having some privacy.
Yeah, the office can get pretty crazy.
Kyle.
He's quite a character.
He accidentally stapled my mail to his tie.
That's the fourth time this week.
- He's getting to you.
- I didn't say that.
- I thought you guys already had your lunch.
- We did.
Kyle was making coffee back at the office.
We thought we'd take a walk.
I guess he's still adjusting to life on the outside.
- He's come a long way already.
- Who are we kidding? The guy's a loser.
Do I sense a change of heart? Wednesday he kept me up until 2 a.
M testing ways to ask Barbara to bear his children.
Every night this week, he's shown up on my back porch at dinnertime.
Last night during coffee and dessert he danced for us.
Doris tried to kill him with a Dustbuster.
That's nothing.
He carpools with me.
Every day he teaches me a new song he learned in prison.
Today it was "The Warden's A-Winking at Me.
" You talking about the wimpy guy in the hippie outfit? I don't like him.
Comes in here, starts telling me how to run my kitchen.
Says he's got some recipe for chow mein that serves 5000.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna put in a real high doorknob.
Well, I'm not one to say I told you so.
Yes, you are.
I told you so.
I warned you about the objectivity of journalists and I warned you about interfering with - Just fire him, Murphy.
- Me? - I would, but he knows where I live.
I don't know.
I think Kyle is really starting to catch on.
Don't toy with us.
What do we have to do, grovel? - Please.
- Please.
Okay, I'll fire him.
You bunch of wusses.
- He found us.
- How does he do it? We had an old bloodhound like that back home.
We had to shoot him.
- Hi, Phil.
- Last call.
Hi, gang.
You got room for one more? - Take my seat.
- Important meeting.
- Better run.
- Bye-bye.
See you later.
I'm glad you stopped by, Kyle.
I think we should talk.
- I'm all ears.
- I believe in being direct.
- That's why I'm going to just - I know you! You're Murphy Brown.
I've seen you on TV.
What's that show you're on? - FYI.
- No, Moonlighting.
You're always nagging that guy with funny hair.
We'd like to be alone, if you don't mind.
Boy, pretty uppity for a costar.
Oh, now, you just wait a minute there, big mister.
Kyle, I can take care of this.
Murphy took a chance on me when the world was looking down their noses at me.
- Kyle.
- She taught me to believe in myself.
And for the first time in my life, I do.
Sure, you hear a lot of bad stuff about her.
She's bossy, she's irritable, she's a drunkard she can't get a date to save her life.
- Kyle! But because of this woman, I've been given a second chance.
A new start.
I owe this woman my life, my future.
Murphy Brown's a saint, I tell you.
A saint.
Gee, I had no idea.
I'm real sorry.
I feel like a weenie.
Boy, what a fathead.
So, boss, what's up? There are hundreds of jobs in here.
There must be something he can do.
Hey, "Looking for trainable persons for positions in the fast-paced world of air traffic control.
" At least I'm trying.
Miles is reading "Dear Abby.
" I have the afternoon papers.
What happened to your shirt? Kyle gave me a pen.
I bought this shirt in Milan.
Four tailors measured me so the fit would be exact.
Down to the difference in circumference between my left and right wrists.
I don't want him here anymore.
I just don't want him.
Come on, he'll be back from the Xerox room any minute.
Hey, here's something.
"Telephone sales.
No experience necessary.
" How could he screw that up? He has no experience.
I've seen him dial a phone.
I'm gonna call and give him a recommendation just to be on the safe side.
Not to be the voice of negativity but are we doing the right thing here? It's like playing God with a man's life.
Call! Well, what do you think? Kyle, my man.
You are on fire.
Again? No, no.
I think he means you look very debonair.
I never had a suit like this before.
The pants don't even ride up.
And this is only the beginning, Kyle.
If you get this job, you have a bright and promising career ahead of you in the exciting field of telephone sales.
Oh, gee, I like the sound of that.
But what about you guys? It isn't right for me to just abandon you.
Yes, it is, Kyle I mean, we'd all feel so guilty if we thought we'd held you back from this opportunity.
Of course, we'll miss you.
Right, guys? - Yeah, it'll be rough.
- We'll miss you.
Oh, you guys are the greatest.
You just give and give and give.
Well, we're givers.
Now, remember what I told you? You're a valuable human being.
An asset to any organization.
Valuable human being, an asset.
I got it.
It sometimes helps to have a little anecdote ready for the interview.
Maybe I could tell them about the time the guys in my cellblock tried to drown me in the toilet bowl.
Skip the anecdote, Kyle.
Hello, Doris? No, no word.
Just keep your fingers crossed and be strong.
Goodbye.
He didn't get it.
I know he didn't get it.
He'll come back to that desk.
He'll slowly and methodically destroy everything in my office except the phone cord, which he'll accidentally wrap around my neck.
They'll find my body pressed against the glass, trying to get out.
And then he'll go to jail, until some idiot journalist gets him out.
I didn't get it.
This is going to kill Doris.
They said I was overqualified.
They said anybody who dresses as nice as I do doesn't belong in telephone sales.
But the good news is, on the way back the cab I was in ran into the back of one of those High Mountain Water trucks.
And I said to myself, I said, "Hey now, that's the job for Kyle Whitsett.
" Outdoors, just tooling around in a big old truck.
- And guess what.
- What? What, Kyle, what? The man who was driving the truck said there was an opening.
So I applied, and I got the job.
- Isn't that great? - Yes.
- Yes.
- This is great, this is very great! But the only thing is I gotta start this afternoon.
- Well, start! - Go for it! Oh, boy, the giving just never stops around here.
You know, I just feel like telling them to keep their darned old job.
I'm just gonna stay here with you guys.
But I can't.
Guess it's time to start thinking about what's best for Kyle Whitsett.
So, anyway, this is goodbye, and thanks.
- Bye, everybody.
- Goodbye, Kyle.
Murphy, I wanna thank you for everything.
I know that I'll never forget you.
Oh, God, I didn't wanna hurt you.
I'll be okay.
Good luck, Kyle.
Goodbye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Bye-bye! Eldin, my man.
The boss is home, and she's on top of the world.
Tonight I've planned the perfect evening.
I got some brownies, some ice cream and I rented a copy of The Producers.
If you promise not to talk during "Springtime For Hitler," you can stay.
No, thanks.
I'm meeting my associates, Nickie and Maurice at the Blue Parrot.
It's wet T-shirt night.
If chicks wear T-shirts, they get in for free.
You wanna come? In another life.
What was that? Oh, this water delivery guy.
He's been here for, like, 20 minutes.
Not counting the half-hour I spent trying to get his tie out of the cassette player.
Oh, no, it can't be.
Hey, Mr.
Painter, do you know where they keep the mop? I'll meet you in the car.
Bye.