Nero Wolfe Mystery, A (2001) s01e10 Episode Script
Over My Dead Body: Part 1
"They liked battered egg or chicken "and sheep's flesh or bullock cheese, "untold quantity of chickens.
For what is now right on top of Monte Lovchen " Mr.
Wolfe, he reads this? Uh, some time ago, yeah.
But he studies it? Aah, he's a genius.
He doesn't need to study anything.
Do you read, perhaps? I do not.
But I hear all the kings get murdered.
If I want that, I got the newspapers.
And since you won't tell me why you've come, Miss Lovechin Lovchen.
Lovchen.
Yes I'm going to take these highly technical germination records upstairs to the genius so he can be prepared for you when he comes down.
I found Wolfe scowling reproachfully at a collagen.
Is a female immigrant downstairs, young, fine legs, eyes beautiful but worried.
Her name is Carla Lovchen.
Did you say her name was Lovchen? Yeah, apparently she she's named after a mountain in Montenegro.
Yes, Monte Lovchen, which is the Venetian variant to Monte Nero, which, of course, is your name.
Uh, she says she wants to see you, but I think she came to borrow a book.
She has her pretty little nose buried in United Yugoslavia.
Yes.
Since it only lacked three minutes to 11:00, Wolfe's reaction was pretty childish, even for him.
I demonstrated my own maturity with an audible snort.
Lovchen is not your name.
Lovchen is no one's name.
My name is what I say it is.
No matter.
You came to see me.
That is just how a Montenegrin talks to a girl.
I feel at home.
But you do not look like one.
They grow up and up, not out and all around like you.
Is it what you eat? What can I do for you, madam? Oh, yes, I am forgetting, on account of finally seeing you.
Famous man.
And you know Montenegro.
Hvala Bogu.
I want to engage you on account of some trouble.
I'm afraid I'm too busy.
Not my trouble.
A girl who came with me to America from Zagreb: Neya Tormic.
Her name, like mine, is what she says it is.
We work together at the studio of Nikola Miltan.
We can pay you, not so much as you might expect I said that I'm very busy.
But you must! It is the biggest nonsense anyone can imagine that Neya would put her hand in the American fool's pocket to steal diamonds! Mr.
Wolfe he gets sick? No, he's just eccentric.
You might call that a form of sickness.
Archie, in the kitchen, please.
Send her away.
Yeah, but she said she'd pay, didn't she? Archie I have skedaddled, physically, once in my life, from one person and that was a Montenegrin woman.
It was a long time ago, but my nerves remember it.
I cannot explain to you how I felt when that Montenegrin female said "Hvala Bogu".
Send her away! But there's no Archie! Did he say what for? All he would say was that he's from the FBI.
Sorry to bother you, Mr.
Wolfe, but it's our job.
Are you acquainted with a federal statute requiring citizens who are agents of foreign principals to register with the Department of State? Not intimately.
Ah, you know the law? Have you registered? I'm not an agent of a foreign principal.
But you were an agent of the Austrian government? As a boy.
I quit.
And then you joined the Montenegrin army? Still a boy, immature.
I believed then that all misguided people should be shot.
I shot some.
But we ended up fighting machine guns with our fingernails and eating dried grass.
I starved to death.
In fact, I went on breathing.
And when it was all over, I did something which advanced my maturity but rid me of my illusions.
Then I came to America.
Do you know the Prince Donevitch? Yes I knew him.
I believe he is in Paris, getting ready to die.
Not Peter; his nephew, Stefan, in Zagreb.
Did you send money to support his cause? I send money to the loyalists in Spain and to the Yugoslavian youth brigade a group of young hopeful people of the Balkans with whom the Donevitch gang most assuredly have no connection.
What about your wife? Weren't you married? Married? No.
That was why I Mr.
Stahl, my temperament inclines me to resent anyone who pries into my personal history.
I have been tolerant so far because you represent the government you are, in effect, America sitting in my office and I am grateful to my country, but you are nearing a point at which even a grateful American would tell you to go to the devil.
Do you represent any foreign individual, government or country? No.
That's all we needed to know.
Well, Wolfe could wax patriotic if he wanted, but I don't like strangers poking around in my affairs, let alone a nation of 130 million.
Now, you see what happens when you rake in two fat fees and you start turning down jobs? America gets suspicious and they sic a G-man on you.
You know why? Because it's un-American not to earn as much money as you possibly can.
Looks like you're going to have to start investigating yourself.
Archie I have repeatedly told you not to be amusing.
Archie.
Sir.
Did it occur to you that that girl might be babbling about that book in order to determine if either of us might look at it in the immediate future? No, sir.
My mind was occupied.
She was standing right in front of me and I was thinking about curves.
Well, that that is not actual thought.
That's a stimulation of nerves in the spinal column.
I had to set my teeth hard on my lip to keep from asking how he knew something was in there.
Do you speak Serbo-Croatian, Archie? No, I do not.
Roughly translated, "I empower my wife, "Princess Vladanka Donevitch, to act in my name "in all financial matters of the Donevitch dynasty, "with particular reference to Bosnian forest concessions "and to certain credits in care of bankers "Barrett & DeRussy, bankers of New York.
"The signatures are attested.
Stefan and Vladanka Donevitch".
That girl is a Balkan princess? He would steal the forests! While old Peter is dying in Paris, Stefan courts England and Germany, using American banks.
If I could use this If I could use this to destroy the whole Donevitch clan, I would! As soon as I heard that girl's voice, I knew the devil was around.
Now, hold it, hold it.
Even if that girl's an obnoxious Balkan princess, why would she leave it here? Is it a plant? No, she did not want it found.
That young lady to see you again, sir.
Miss Carla Lovchen.
Yes.
I thought I had made it quite clear I thought this morning, Miss Lovchen.
I cannot help you.
But you must.
Neya and I talked it over and I said we must tell you very good reason why you must, and she agreed only because she had to.
Driscoll will tell the police What is this reason, madam? Please get to the point.
Of course.
She is your daughter.
My daughter? She is your daughter.
I have no daughter.
This is flummery.
Well, that was what I expected him to say.
What he really said was I have no daughter.
She disappeared.
You mean you have not seen her since she was three years old.
There.
Your signature.
It's hard to work for someone and have a small fact like his being a father escape you, especially when you're a top-like detective like myself.
You must give that back.
I went to Yugoslavia.
I could not find this girl.
How do I know it wasn't stolen? For what?! She sent me to show it to you.
Do you wish to see your grown daughter for the first time in jail? The child of the famous Nero Wolfe, in jail.
All America will know.
But she is no thief.
She did not steal! Archie, your notebook.
We come from Zagreb last year.
We are good fencers.
Corsini passed us in foils, they pay e and saber.
And the dancing is Easy.
Mr.
Miltan is the man who runs the studio.
Terrible man with a terrible wife.
Nikola Miltan's studio on 54th Street was an exclusive joint with a pedigreed clientele.
The swank of the place was real; it was not dolled up for the customers.
Large classes of fencing were taught in the Salle d'Armes.
One fencing pupil was a fat man named Nat Driscoll, who hit the showers after his expensive private lesson.
Ah, good, good.
Class over.
Finished.
Not bad today.
Thank you.
That was a good lesson.
And came out to see Wolfe's daughter rifling his coat.
Driscoll's gold cigarette case and wallet were where they belonged.
It wasn't until later that he remembered about the diamonds which should have been there, too.
I didn't touch his locker or his clothing.
It's infamous.
False.
I was giving a lesson to Mr.
Ludlow.
I searched her.
I found nothing.
Mr.
Driscoll? I saw her face! I want the police! Neya, please tell us where the diamonds are.
Search me again.
Everyone there has agreed to meet in the Salle d'Armes at 5:00 today or Mr.
Driscoll will go to the police.
You must come immediately.
Why didn't Mr.
Driscoll challenge Miss Tormic on the spot? Because he was naked.
He'd just come from the shower bath.
He is too fat even to be seen at the risk of losing diamonds? He says he is modest, but he is not nearly as fat as you are.
I wouldn't expect him to be.
You say Miss Tormic did not steal the diamonds.
That is what I say.
She never did.
How long have you known my daughter? All my life.
I heard about you about your your name.
About my deplorable intransigence, as you no doubt see it? Do the rats still gather crumbs from under the Donevitch table? Are you Donevitch? No.
What is your real name, then? What does my name matter? Don't you understand that I am telling you about Neya, about your daughter? Does it help her for you to sit there and sneer? I'm late, Miss Lovchen.
Mr.
Goodwin will escort you to the Miltan studio.
He will see Miss Tormic.
If this girl has the right to bear my name, I reject the possibility that she stole diamonds from a man's coat.
Start from that.
Um, sir? Yes.
I think you'd better pay me off.
For what? For my job.
I'm resigning.
Rubbish.
No, really you told the G-man you were never married and yet you have a daughter.
I'm no prude, but I have to think of what my mother would say.
Don't jabber.
She was an orphan; I adopted her.
That's a great story but it's transparent.
Now, there are limits to what Yes?! So I should get going, I guess, to Miltan's studio.
Yes.
Your first concern will be the rumpus about the diamonds.
The second will be that paper.
Up to a point, the gathering at Miltan's studio was a fun game of diamonds, diamonds, who's got the diamonds? First we flushed Neya Tormic from the locker room.
She had a real quality, both in mind and matter, but she was a queer combination of don't-touch-me and come-hither.
Right now it was all come-hither.
Neya.
This is Neya Tormic.
Archie Goodwin.
Mr.
Goodwin is an associate of Nero Wolfe's.
Let's walk.
You can do something about this awful lie that man tells? A liar like that, in my country we would know how to deal with him.
Why are you alone? Why did not my father come? He doesn't go out for anybody.
I am his adopted daughter.
So I understand.
But you've been in New York for four months and he's listed in the phone book.
He abandoned me.
Yes, yes, uh, let's skip all that.
What were you doing in the men's locker room? I wasn't there.
I was giving a lesson to Mr.
Ludlow.
Him.
Neya.
Miltan wants us in the Salle d'Armes, this ridiculous affair.
Mr.
Ludlow, Neya says she was with you from 4:00 on.
Really, Goodwin, all I know about you is your name.
Miss Tormic engaged Nero Wolfe.
I'm his assistant.
Wolfe? Well, that ought to do it, then.
So she was with you continuously? Can't very well call the lady a liar now, can I? It was all so loony, it dazed me.
Here Neya had someone she could wheedle into being a class-A witness with an alibi for her and she didn't even bother to toss him a suggestion.
Mr.
Goodwin.
Everyone I want to introduce you Everyone Carla filled me in on the persona dramatis.
Miltan was next to a runt, and acting harassed.
Despite her haute couture, Jeanne, his wife, looked like she could wear a babushka and lead a bear to church.
Then there was a chinless wonder named Rudolf Faber.
He'd been dancing with Belinda Reade from 4:00 to 5:00.
Belinda, a baby doll in a silk dress, was currently making eyes at Duncan Barrett, son of John Barrett of Barrett and deRussy, a name I'd heard not long ago in connection with Bosnian forests.
There were others, but the standout was Madame Zorka.
She looked like a picture of my mother old Bible of the dame who cut off Samson's hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you please, Mr.
Ludlow has something that he wishes to tell us all.
Thank you, Miltan.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the same suit I had on yesterday.
Notice anything peculiar about it? Is that the material almost the same to the one Mr.
Driscoll was wearing? A coincidence? Yes.
But it explains why, when Miss Tormic went to my locker to get cigarettes from my coat, Driscoll thought the coat was his own.
So! She was there! Yes.
But fiddling with my coat, not Driscoll's.
Ludlow's second alibi for Neya.
She didn't look thankful; she looked puzzled.
Well, Mr.
Driscoll, we are waiting for you.
This is my lawyer, Mr.
Thompson.
Which is Miss Tormic? Her.
Miss Tormic, when Mr.
Driscoll left home yesterday, he took with him a pillbox containing diamonds which he wished to have set into a brooch.
His secretary arranged that the diamonds be taken to his jeweler, which is where they are now.
Mr.
Driscoll made a dreadful, unfounded accusation.
That is why I insisted that Mr.
Driscoll come down here and apologize to Miss Tormic in the presence of all of you.
I apologize.
I'm damn sorry.
I like this place, Miltan.
I've been overweight for years and this is the only thing I I can do to sweat that's any fun.
I want us all to be friends again.
Miss Lovchen, will you be my friend? Will you fence with me? Right now? Of course she will! Of course, of course.
All right, everybody, we fence, we go.
Come, come, let's go.
That was a very good show.
Thank you for coming.
Now I will say good-bye.
I go to fence with Mr.
Ludlow.
Uh, did you know that your eyes glitter? My eyes? Yes.
They always glitter.
Any message for your father? I think not now, no.
You ought to run up and say hello sometime.
Maybe someday.
Perhaps.
Au revoir.
You say she seemed bored.
Do you mean to imply that she was stupid? Oh, no.
She may be complicated, but she is not stupid.
You were there on two matters.
What of the second concern? Not a light, not a glimmer.
Are you there? Yes.
I want to see M uh, Miss Tormic.
I want to see her.
Bring her here.
I hated that trick.
I knew Neya was fencing with Ludlow, so I decided to do some snooping while I waited.
Diamonds, diamonds, who's got the diamonds? I didn't believe Ludlow's story, and it had me curious.
I have met Nero Wolfe.
At dinner with Marko Vuckic.
Wolfe is a remarkable man.
Yeah, well, I know of at least one guy who'd agree with you.
Only one? At least one: Nero Wolfe.
Ah.
A joke.
The col de mort! It's not here.
Did you remove it? I did not.
Are you sure It's the only thing missing.
What is a "culdymore"? It's nothing.
A mere curiosity.
You see, the epee e is blunt for the sport.
But one time in Paris, a man wanted to kill another man, so he made a little sharp thing to fit on the end and "Thrust in quarte.
" It strikes the heart but only theoretically.
But that time in Paris, it was not theory.
The newspapers gave it a name: "Col de mort.
" Mort for death.
Col, the collar.
It fits the epee like a collar.
Col de mort, yes, yes.
Uh, a very curious curiosity, and interestingly, I'm a detect Miltan! Mr.
Miltan! Miltan was a kangaroo.
I couldn't have caught him for a purse.
Everybody back! Back! He's dead! Of course he is dead.
The col de mort Oh, don't do that.
It's not there.
It can't be.
It wouldn't go through without the col de mort! Well, I can't help that it's not there.
Now, everybody back down to Miltan's office! Nobody leaves the building! Hold it.
No, Jeanne, you call the police.
Come on, help me guard the door.
Out, fools! Get out! Zorka, Zorka, Zorka! Please calm down I saw a dead body Arthur! Arthur! Come over here, Arthur, please, right now! All right, you got to answer a question, and your life may depend on a straight answer.
Did you kill that man? No.
Did you? No, but I must tell you No, there's no time to tell me anything.
Is there another way out of here? Up there.
Yeah? Go.
Go quick.
Go.
Archie Goodwin, from Nero Wolfe's office.
Miltan and the others are just inside there, see? Now, two floors up is a corpse Out of the way, Goodwin! Scram! Once I got to the door, I tempted to keep on going and call Wolfe.
But once out, I might not be able to get back in again, and as I said, I was curious.
Behind the towels, there's this big robe.
Please bring it over to Zorka, please.
She's freezing I was making myself unobtrusive until the homicide squad arrived and the real fun began, when all of a sudden You see, I was born neat, and I don't go around with flaps pushed in.
Besides, the pocket had been empty.
And where were you at the time? Hey! Grab that guy! Where you going? Get him! I saw him! Come back! Where'd he go? You were right there inside, and and you deliberately ran away? When I hung up my coat, the pocket was empty.
Now, unless somebody mistook it for a wastebasket What was in it? Well, I it would be more fun to look at it with you.
Let's see.
Now that, I believe, is called a col de mort, French for "collar of death.
" It's a curiosity Confound you, Archie! I doubt I need to point out the bloodstains on the glove, or that the glove is a woman's glove, or that if I had stayed there and this had been found inside my jacket Sir? Yes.
Turn out the lights in the hall.
Do not answer the door.
If the phone rings, take it in the kitchen.
Mr.
Goodwin is out and I am not to be disturbed.
Fritz! Do we still have that loaf of Italian bread? Yes, I'm quite sure we do.
Okay.
Now, I want you to use the chocolate icing Cover it.
Dispose of these bread scraps.
Keep it in the refrigerator.
Yeah, it's wonderful how your mind works.
I would have just put it in my drawer.
But a loaf of bread, it's just much more, uh picturesque picayune, uh Would I have brought it here if there was the slightest chance somebody knew I had it? This is a complete waste of chocolate.
The person who put it there knows.
Tell me: from the minute you got there till when you left.
Omit nothing.
And so I did.
And, uh, I, uh was given a sort of tour Your assistant, knowing the rules, grabs a ladder in the rear courtyard, climbs the fence, pretends he's looking for his wife's cat, falls off the fence and then runs through the restaurant on the other side calling "Here, Kitty, Kitty.
" It's a delayed cerebral process, but unfortunately, I am used to it.
It's bughouse! And Goodwin, he's a lot of things, but he ain't bughouse! No, no.
Not quite.
Let's cut across it, Mr.
Cramer.
What happened to make Archie feel compelled to communicate with me promptly was that while he was guarding the door, he was approached by Miss Tormic, and she wanted to know if I would represent her.
He accepted, and I, uh I'm committed.
You're telling me that Goodwin accepted a murder case for you? I come here in a spirit of cooperation and this is what I get? Nuts! Nero Wolfe's office.
Archie Goodwin speaking.
Uh, yes, as a matter of fact, he is right here.
It's for you, Inspector.
Yeah! Yeah.
Yeah, hi hi, Commissioner Yeah, but I All right, all right.
God Cheese and rice! Ooh! Jeez! God Ooh! Mr.
Cramer.
Yeah.
Will you have a beer? No! Uh thank you.
But maybe I should.
You know, I don't have to bother solving this case.
Three federals have blown in.
Anybody might suppose that a murder in Manhattan is the business of the homicide squad which I happen to be head but who am I, compared to the FBI? Well, Inspector, a G-man represents all the American people.
Shut up! I wish the FBI'd give you a job and send you to Alaska.
I'd recommend you personally.
You know, on top of all that, this guy Ludlow turns out to be a An English subject.
Uh, the consul just called the commissioner.
Yes? Do you mean to say that the British Consul recognized Ludlow's name from news reports and called the commissioner at home at night? Well, this Ludlow must have been here on some very important business.
Oh, I hate these foreign mix-ups.
Give me an American murder, an American motive.
Mr.
Cramer.
May I make a suggestion? Yeah.
I think it would be unprofitable for you to question me.
I think it would be better if I questioned you.
Yeah.
Wonderful idea.
Thank you.
Have you made any arrests? Have you arrested anyone? No.
Have you found an adequate motive? No.
Any indications from fingerprints, photographs, blabbing objects? No.
No prints.
And something is missing called a "culdymore.
" Col de mort.
I can't even pronounce the murder weapon.
You don't suppose he took it as a souvenir, do you? Well, if he did, Mr.
Cramer, I shall see to it that it is handed over to you as soon as we're finished with it.
Now, to continue.
How many suspects have you? Well, first and foremost, the one who was fencing with him: your client, Neya Tormic.
Well, I'd expect that.
What about the others? Well, there was the Lovchen girl.
She was fencing with Driscoll.
You're terrible.
But they quit early.
Madam Zorka was waltzing Bwith Rudolph Faber, and this Faber guy turns out to be important, because he sees Neya Tormic leave the third floor in the fencing salon.
And then Neya Tormic and Faber, they go down to the second floor and they have a couple of smokes.
Barrett joins them there.
And they see Ludlow come out the third-floor door and tell them that he's going to keep practicing with the dummy.
And they're all still there when the porter goes up to the third floor and discovers the body.
Well, my client seems to be wrapped in a mantle of innocence.
Yeah, but Faber gives her an alibi and he gets an alibi.
What if he was really arranging one for himself? Well, that's an old trick, but still a good one.
This Faber, like Ludlow, is he a confidential government agent, and who for? Germany the cons Aw, nuts! Nuts! How did you know about Ludlow? Mere conjecture, but thank you for confirming it.
You know, it does seem as if we are dealing here with a case of the German eagle clawing the British lion.
It's a case of a human being murdering a human being.
Oh.
Oh, Mr.
Cramer, it seems as if one of your suspects has just arrived.
Which one? Mr.
Rudolph Faber.
You see, I really do like to cooperate with the police when I can.
I would like to meet with Mr.
Faber in private.
He may have been a chinless wonder, but his nerve was okay.
This is a hell of a time of night for a complete stranger to be dropping in, even on Nero Wolfe.
He didn't shrink from Cramer.
He just halted in a manner that should have made his heels click.
Your escape from Miltan's was quite entertaining.
But how did you evade the police in the basement, bribe a cop? Well, you should write me special delivery, and I'll refer the question to my secretary's secretary.
Instruct your subordinate to answer the questions that are put to him, please.
Apparently Mr.
Goodwin doesn't like you.
There's no discipline in this country, Mr.
Wolfe.
I wouldn't say that.
We submit to traffic cops and sanitary codes.
We are extremely fond of certain liberties.
As for disciplining Mr.
Goodwin, don't try it; you'd soon get sick of the job.
May I? Yes, of course.
I came here to satisfy myself as to your intentions regarding Miss Neya Tormic.
What requires satisfaction? Your curiosity? I have interests and you may find it quite profitable to help me advance them.
I know your reputation, Mr.
Wolfe.
You want money.
I like money.
I use a lot of it.
What would I have to do to earn it? This affair requires great discretion.
Can you satisfy me that you are not an agent of the policeman who was just here? Can you satisfy me that your interest coincides with my client's? Send your assistant from the room, please.
Well, I knew what kind of reception that suggestion always got.
But then my grin froze.
Yes, of course.
Archie, leave us! Please.
Oh, Archie, we promised to phone Mr.
Green.
You may do so from Mr.
Brenner's room.
she is involved in something Aha! Four masters: Padapar, Korlovsk, Alibab and the Larousse Gastronomique all agree that fennel is used in bouillabaisse marseillaise and I will tell him so! Shh keep it down.
The hole is open; they're right inside the office.
Oh! Good case? Case, hell this is world war.
Yes? Goodwin here.
Green wants to see you.
Confound him anyway.
I'll come there.
Excuse me a moment.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Faber.
I have to go out on business.
If you want to meet with me, come tomorrow.
Chinless scoundrel.
Never trust a man without a chin.
He was going for United Yugoslavia, Archie.
Did you see him? Yup.
He had his fingers on it when you walked in there.
I don't like this Donevitch paper and I don't like having this object in my refrigerator disguised as a cake! We must either find out who used it or turn it over out to Inspector Cramer.
Neither prospect pleases me.
Since when do you work without a paying client? I did adopt the girl.
You don't eve know it's her.
Yes, but I intend to find out.
That's why I wanted you to bring her here.
You didn't do it.
Well, boil my bones.
Am I to infer that you are insinuating that I should have lugged her along with me basement? Ah, no, no you're being aggravating, and by God, you're good at it.
Now, should I go get Neya right now? Yes.
If she is who she says she is, I have a responsibility.
It was at that moment that I decided never, under any circumstances, to adopt a daughter.
Nero Wolfe's office, Archie Goodwin speaking.
This is Madame Zorka.
Oh, what happened this afternoon is so terrible.
I tell the police everything.
Except one little thing.
And that one little thing, are you going to tell me? No, I cannot tell anyone.
And the one little thing was a bombshell: She had Neya putting something in my coat.
I persuaded her to see me before she saw the police.
All right, well, say 20 minutes.
How will that do? All right.
Ah, now, should I go get Neya or go see Zorka? Neither; be quiet.
It's time to cooperate with Inspector Cramer.
Have him send his minions to collect Madame Zorka and Miss Tormic and have them come here for a conference.
I had no idea what he was up to, but then I'm not a genius.
I did turn out to be right about one thing: it was a waste of chocolate.
Well, hello, Sergeant.
The other one coupled on? You know, it's late, Stebbins.
You must be hungry.
Please come in.
Why don't you go to the kitchen and Fritz'll make you a nice sandwich of pork tenderloin and onion grass.
I really No, no, no, really, my poor dear fellow.
This is merely a conference.
Cramer will be here soon.
Please, right this way.
Onion grass, huh? I was afraid Wolfe might be skittish, confronted with two Montenegrin females at once.
But he stood up and greeted them like a man.
You are Nero Wolfe.
Of course, I haven't seen you since I was three.
I can't be expected to throw my arms around you.
No, indeed.
Please.
You sent a policeman to bring me here.
I don't understand.
Have you told Inspector Cramer I'm your adopted daughter? No, Miss Tormic.
For the present, it is desirable that I not be suspected of so intimate a prejudice.
That must be Inspector Cramer with Madame Zorka.
Zorka? Zorka skipped and she took her suitcase.
You sent one of my men up there on a run-around.
Please, Inspector Cramer.
I do not make a game of "run sheep run" out of murder.
Madame Zorka phoned us and told us that she had seen Miss Tormic put something into Mr.
Goodwin's pocket.
Oh, so that's why you took a powder.
He was unaware of this.
I bet.
When he went to investigate further, he did, indeed, find something there.
But he didn't take it out.
We felt that it might be preferable to have you have a first look at it.
Archie, your coat.
Your object, Inspector.
All right.
You! Did you put that in Goodwin's pocket? Yes.
Stebbins! Just a moment, Inspector.
You may be put under arrest as a material witness.
If you say anything at all now, it had better be the truth.
There's no reason why I shouldn't tell the truth.
I left my robe in the locker room and didn't put it on until the police were coming.
I put my hand in the pocket and felt a fencing glove.
I knew I didn't put it there, so I put it in Mr.
Goodwin's coat.
Thanks a lot.
Take notes.
Did you kill Percy Ludlow? No.
But you admit that you concealed evidence? Is that wrong? Hell No.
Oh, my goodness, no.
I thought Mr.
Goodwin would turn it over to you.
Well, you thought wrong.
Mr.
Goodwin jumped the fence, and ran home to papa.
and said, "Oh, look what I found!" Mr.
Cramer, you cannot possibly establish that as a fact so why do you keep on harping on it? Madame Zorka phoned us and we contacted you immediately.
Because you had to! May I point out that you owe your possession of these two objects to us? And you owe the knowledge by which the murderer disposed of them to the courageous candor of my client.
Oh, your client, your client! Why do you always have to have a damn client? I knew what was eating Cramer: he had never yet pinned a murder on any man, woman or child Nero Wolfe had accepted as a client.
Nuts! Ah, it's dinnertime.
If you will all join me, I'm sure you will find Fritz's cuisine ranks with the best of Zagreb.
I'm not hungry.
I don't eat until late.
Standing up in the kitchen, no doubt, out of a can.
Your soul would benefit by expanding your cuisine, Inspector Cramer.
Stay here.
For what is now right on top of Monte Lovchen " Mr.
Wolfe, he reads this? Uh, some time ago, yeah.
But he studies it? Aah, he's a genius.
He doesn't need to study anything.
Do you read, perhaps? I do not.
But I hear all the kings get murdered.
If I want that, I got the newspapers.
And since you won't tell me why you've come, Miss Lovechin Lovchen.
Lovchen.
Yes I'm going to take these highly technical germination records upstairs to the genius so he can be prepared for you when he comes down.
I found Wolfe scowling reproachfully at a collagen.
Is a female immigrant downstairs, young, fine legs, eyes beautiful but worried.
Her name is Carla Lovchen.
Did you say her name was Lovchen? Yeah, apparently she she's named after a mountain in Montenegro.
Yes, Monte Lovchen, which is the Venetian variant to Monte Nero, which, of course, is your name.
Uh, she says she wants to see you, but I think she came to borrow a book.
She has her pretty little nose buried in United Yugoslavia.
Yes.
Since it only lacked three minutes to 11:00, Wolfe's reaction was pretty childish, even for him.
I demonstrated my own maturity with an audible snort.
Lovchen is not your name.
Lovchen is no one's name.
My name is what I say it is.
No matter.
You came to see me.
That is just how a Montenegrin talks to a girl.
I feel at home.
But you do not look like one.
They grow up and up, not out and all around like you.
Is it what you eat? What can I do for you, madam? Oh, yes, I am forgetting, on account of finally seeing you.
Famous man.
And you know Montenegro.
Hvala Bogu.
I want to engage you on account of some trouble.
I'm afraid I'm too busy.
Not my trouble.
A girl who came with me to America from Zagreb: Neya Tormic.
Her name, like mine, is what she says it is.
We work together at the studio of Nikola Miltan.
We can pay you, not so much as you might expect I said that I'm very busy.
But you must! It is the biggest nonsense anyone can imagine that Neya would put her hand in the American fool's pocket to steal diamonds! Mr.
Wolfe he gets sick? No, he's just eccentric.
You might call that a form of sickness.
Archie, in the kitchen, please.
Send her away.
Yeah, but she said she'd pay, didn't she? Archie I have skedaddled, physically, once in my life, from one person and that was a Montenegrin woman.
It was a long time ago, but my nerves remember it.
I cannot explain to you how I felt when that Montenegrin female said "Hvala Bogu".
Send her away! But there's no Archie! Did he say what for? All he would say was that he's from the FBI.
Sorry to bother you, Mr.
Wolfe, but it's our job.
Are you acquainted with a federal statute requiring citizens who are agents of foreign principals to register with the Department of State? Not intimately.
Ah, you know the law? Have you registered? I'm not an agent of a foreign principal.
But you were an agent of the Austrian government? As a boy.
I quit.
And then you joined the Montenegrin army? Still a boy, immature.
I believed then that all misguided people should be shot.
I shot some.
But we ended up fighting machine guns with our fingernails and eating dried grass.
I starved to death.
In fact, I went on breathing.
And when it was all over, I did something which advanced my maturity but rid me of my illusions.
Then I came to America.
Do you know the Prince Donevitch? Yes I knew him.
I believe he is in Paris, getting ready to die.
Not Peter; his nephew, Stefan, in Zagreb.
Did you send money to support his cause? I send money to the loyalists in Spain and to the Yugoslavian youth brigade a group of young hopeful people of the Balkans with whom the Donevitch gang most assuredly have no connection.
What about your wife? Weren't you married? Married? No.
That was why I Mr.
Stahl, my temperament inclines me to resent anyone who pries into my personal history.
I have been tolerant so far because you represent the government you are, in effect, America sitting in my office and I am grateful to my country, but you are nearing a point at which even a grateful American would tell you to go to the devil.
Do you represent any foreign individual, government or country? No.
That's all we needed to know.
Well, Wolfe could wax patriotic if he wanted, but I don't like strangers poking around in my affairs, let alone a nation of 130 million.
Now, you see what happens when you rake in two fat fees and you start turning down jobs? America gets suspicious and they sic a G-man on you.
You know why? Because it's un-American not to earn as much money as you possibly can.
Looks like you're going to have to start investigating yourself.
Archie I have repeatedly told you not to be amusing.
Archie.
Sir.
Did it occur to you that that girl might be babbling about that book in order to determine if either of us might look at it in the immediate future? No, sir.
My mind was occupied.
She was standing right in front of me and I was thinking about curves.
Well, that that is not actual thought.
That's a stimulation of nerves in the spinal column.
I had to set my teeth hard on my lip to keep from asking how he knew something was in there.
Do you speak Serbo-Croatian, Archie? No, I do not.
Roughly translated, "I empower my wife, "Princess Vladanka Donevitch, to act in my name "in all financial matters of the Donevitch dynasty, "with particular reference to Bosnian forest concessions "and to certain credits in care of bankers "Barrett & DeRussy, bankers of New York.
"The signatures are attested.
Stefan and Vladanka Donevitch".
That girl is a Balkan princess? He would steal the forests! While old Peter is dying in Paris, Stefan courts England and Germany, using American banks.
If I could use this If I could use this to destroy the whole Donevitch clan, I would! As soon as I heard that girl's voice, I knew the devil was around.
Now, hold it, hold it.
Even if that girl's an obnoxious Balkan princess, why would she leave it here? Is it a plant? No, she did not want it found.
That young lady to see you again, sir.
Miss Carla Lovchen.
Yes.
I thought I had made it quite clear I thought this morning, Miss Lovchen.
I cannot help you.
But you must.
Neya and I talked it over and I said we must tell you very good reason why you must, and she agreed only because she had to.
Driscoll will tell the police What is this reason, madam? Please get to the point.
Of course.
She is your daughter.
My daughter? She is your daughter.
I have no daughter.
This is flummery.
Well, that was what I expected him to say.
What he really said was I have no daughter.
She disappeared.
You mean you have not seen her since she was three years old.
There.
Your signature.
It's hard to work for someone and have a small fact like his being a father escape you, especially when you're a top-like detective like myself.
You must give that back.
I went to Yugoslavia.
I could not find this girl.
How do I know it wasn't stolen? For what?! She sent me to show it to you.
Do you wish to see your grown daughter for the first time in jail? The child of the famous Nero Wolfe, in jail.
All America will know.
But she is no thief.
She did not steal! Archie, your notebook.
We come from Zagreb last year.
We are good fencers.
Corsini passed us in foils, they pay e and saber.
And the dancing is Easy.
Mr.
Miltan is the man who runs the studio.
Terrible man with a terrible wife.
Nikola Miltan's studio on 54th Street was an exclusive joint with a pedigreed clientele.
The swank of the place was real; it was not dolled up for the customers.
Large classes of fencing were taught in the Salle d'Armes.
One fencing pupil was a fat man named Nat Driscoll, who hit the showers after his expensive private lesson.
Ah, good, good.
Class over.
Finished.
Not bad today.
Thank you.
That was a good lesson.
And came out to see Wolfe's daughter rifling his coat.
Driscoll's gold cigarette case and wallet were where they belonged.
It wasn't until later that he remembered about the diamonds which should have been there, too.
I didn't touch his locker or his clothing.
It's infamous.
False.
I was giving a lesson to Mr.
Ludlow.
I searched her.
I found nothing.
Mr.
Driscoll? I saw her face! I want the police! Neya, please tell us where the diamonds are.
Search me again.
Everyone there has agreed to meet in the Salle d'Armes at 5:00 today or Mr.
Driscoll will go to the police.
You must come immediately.
Why didn't Mr.
Driscoll challenge Miss Tormic on the spot? Because he was naked.
He'd just come from the shower bath.
He is too fat even to be seen at the risk of losing diamonds? He says he is modest, but he is not nearly as fat as you are.
I wouldn't expect him to be.
You say Miss Tormic did not steal the diamonds.
That is what I say.
She never did.
How long have you known my daughter? All my life.
I heard about you about your your name.
About my deplorable intransigence, as you no doubt see it? Do the rats still gather crumbs from under the Donevitch table? Are you Donevitch? No.
What is your real name, then? What does my name matter? Don't you understand that I am telling you about Neya, about your daughter? Does it help her for you to sit there and sneer? I'm late, Miss Lovchen.
Mr.
Goodwin will escort you to the Miltan studio.
He will see Miss Tormic.
If this girl has the right to bear my name, I reject the possibility that she stole diamonds from a man's coat.
Start from that.
Um, sir? Yes.
I think you'd better pay me off.
For what? For my job.
I'm resigning.
Rubbish.
No, really you told the G-man you were never married and yet you have a daughter.
I'm no prude, but I have to think of what my mother would say.
Don't jabber.
She was an orphan; I adopted her.
That's a great story but it's transparent.
Now, there are limits to what Yes?! So I should get going, I guess, to Miltan's studio.
Yes.
Your first concern will be the rumpus about the diamonds.
The second will be that paper.
Up to a point, the gathering at Miltan's studio was a fun game of diamonds, diamonds, who's got the diamonds? First we flushed Neya Tormic from the locker room.
She had a real quality, both in mind and matter, but she was a queer combination of don't-touch-me and come-hither.
Right now it was all come-hither.
Neya.
This is Neya Tormic.
Archie Goodwin.
Mr.
Goodwin is an associate of Nero Wolfe's.
Let's walk.
You can do something about this awful lie that man tells? A liar like that, in my country we would know how to deal with him.
Why are you alone? Why did not my father come? He doesn't go out for anybody.
I am his adopted daughter.
So I understand.
But you've been in New York for four months and he's listed in the phone book.
He abandoned me.
Yes, yes, uh, let's skip all that.
What were you doing in the men's locker room? I wasn't there.
I was giving a lesson to Mr.
Ludlow.
Him.
Neya.
Miltan wants us in the Salle d'Armes, this ridiculous affair.
Mr.
Ludlow, Neya says she was with you from 4:00 on.
Really, Goodwin, all I know about you is your name.
Miss Tormic engaged Nero Wolfe.
I'm his assistant.
Wolfe? Well, that ought to do it, then.
So she was with you continuously? Can't very well call the lady a liar now, can I? It was all so loony, it dazed me.
Here Neya had someone she could wheedle into being a class-A witness with an alibi for her and she didn't even bother to toss him a suggestion.
Mr.
Goodwin.
Everyone I want to introduce you Everyone Carla filled me in on the persona dramatis.
Miltan was next to a runt, and acting harassed.
Despite her haute couture, Jeanne, his wife, looked like she could wear a babushka and lead a bear to church.
Then there was a chinless wonder named Rudolf Faber.
He'd been dancing with Belinda Reade from 4:00 to 5:00.
Belinda, a baby doll in a silk dress, was currently making eyes at Duncan Barrett, son of John Barrett of Barrett and deRussy, a name I'd heard not long ago in connection with Bosnian forests.
There were others, but the standout was Madame Zorka.
She looked like a picture of my mother old Bible of the dame who cut off Samson's hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you please, Mr.
Ludlow has something that he wishes to tell us all.
Thank you, Miltan.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the same suit I had on yesterday.
Notice anything peculiar about it? Is that the material almost the same to the one Mr.
Driscoll was wearing? A coincidence? Yes.
But it explains why, when Miss Tormic went to my locker to get cigarettes from my coat, Driscoll thought the coat was his own.
So! She was there! Yes.
But fiddling with my coat, not Driscoll's.
Ludlow's second alibi for Neya.
She didn't look thankful; she looked puzzled.
Well, Mr.
Driscoll, we are waiting for you.
This is my lawyer, Mr.
Thompson.
Which is Miss Tormic? Her.
Miss Tormic, when Mr.
Driscoll left home yesterday, he took with him a pillbox containing diamonds which he wished to have set into a brooch.
His secretary arranged that the diamonds be taken to his jeweler, which is where they are now.
Mr.
Driscoll made a dreadful, unfounded accusation.
That is why I insisted that Mr.
Driscoll come down here and apologize to Miss Tormic in the presence of all of you.
I apologize.
I'm damn sorry.
I like this place, Miltan.
I've been overweight for years and this is the only thing I I can do to sweat that's any fun.
I want us all to be friends again.
Miss Lovchen, will you be my friend? Will you fence with me? Right now? Of course she will! Of course, of course.
All right, everybody, we fence, we go.
Come, come, let's go.
That was a very good show.
Thank you for coming.
Now I will say good-bye.
I go to fence with Mr.
Ludlow.
Uh, did you know that your eyes glitter? My eyes? Yes.
They always glitter.
Any message for your father? I think not now, no.
You ought to run up and say hello sometime.
Maybe someday.
Perhaps.
Au revoir.
You say she seemed bored.
Do you mean to imply that she was stupid? Oh, no.
She may be complicated, but she is not stupid.
You were there on two matters.
What of the second concern? Not a light, not a glimmer.
Are you there? Yes.
I want to see M uh, Miss Tormic.
I want to see her.
Bring her here.
I hated that trick.
I knew Neya was fencing with Ludlow, so I decided to do some snooping while I waited.
Diamonds, diamonds, who's got the diamonds? I didn't believe Ludlow's story, and it had me curious.
I have met Nero Wolfe.
At dinner with Marko Vuckic.
Wolfe is a remarkable man.
Yeah, well, I know of at least one guy who'd agree with you.
Only one? At least one: Nero Wolfe.
Ah.
A joke.
The col de mort! It's not here.
Did you remove it? I did not.
Are you sure It's the only thing missing.
What is a "culdymore"? It's nothing.
A mere curiosity.
You see, the epee e is blunt for the sport.
But one time in Paris, a man wanted to kill another man, so he made a little sharp thing to fit on the end and "Thrust in quarte.
" It strikes the heart but only theoretically.
But that time in Paris, it was not theory.
The newspapers gave it a name: "Col de mort.
" Mort for death.
Col, the collar.
It fits the epee like a collar.
Col de mort, yes, yes.
Uh, a very curious curiosity, and interestingly, I'm a detect Miltan! Mr.
Miltan! Miltan was a kangaroo.
I couldn't have caught him for a purse.
Everybody back! Back! He's dead! Of course he is dead.
The col de mort Oh, don't do that.
It's not there.
It can't be.
It wouldn't go through without the col de mort! Well, I can't help that it's not there.
Now, everybody back down to Miltan's office! Nobody leaves the building! Hold it.
No, Jeanne, you call the police.
Come on, help me guard the door.
Out, fools! Get out! Zorka, Zorka, Zorka! Please calm down I saw a dead body Arthur! Arthur! Come over here, Arthur, please, right now! All right, you got to answer a question, and your life may depend on a straight answer.
Did you kill that man? No.
Did you? No, but I must tell you No, there's no time to tell me anything.
Is there another way out of here? Up there.
Yeah? Go.
Go quick.
Go.
Archie Goodwin, from Nero Wolfe's office.
Miltan and the others are just inside there, see? Now, two floors up is a corpse Out of the way, Goodwin! Scram! Once I got to the door, I tempted to keep on going and call Wolfe.
But once out, I might not be able to get back in again, and as I said, I was curious.
Behind the towels, there's this big robe.
Please bring it over to Zorka, please.
She's freezing I was making myself unobtrusive until the homicide squad arrived and the real fun began, when all of a sudden You see, I was born neat, and I don't go around with flaps pushed in.
Besides, the pocket had been empty.
And where were you at the time? Hey! Grab that guy! Where you going? Get him! I saw him! Come back! Where'd he go? You were right there inside, and and you deliberately ran away? When I hung up my coat, the pocket was empty.
Now, unless somebody mistook it for a wastebasket What was in it? Well, I it would be more fun to look at it with you.
Let's see.
Now that, I believe, is called a col de mort, French for "collar of death.
" It's a curiosity Confound you, Archie! I doubt I need to point out the bloodstains on the glove, or that the glove is a woman's glove, or that if I had stayed there and this had been found inside my jacket Sir? Yes.
Turn out the lights in the hall.
Do not answer the door.
If the phone rings, take it in the kitchen.
Mr.
Goodwin is out and I am not to be disturbed.
Fritz! Do we still have that loaf of Italian bread? Yes, I'm quite sure we do.
Okay.
Now, I want you to use the chocolate icing Cover it.
Dispose of these bread scraps.
Keep it in the refrigerator.
Yeah, it's wonderful how your mind works.
I would have just put it in my drawer.
But a loaf of bread, it's just much more, uh picturesque picayune, uh Would I have brought it here if there was the slightest chance somebody knew I had it? This is a complete waste of chocolate.
The person who put it there knows.
Tell me: from the minute you got there till when you left.
Omit nothing.
And so I did.
And, uh, I, uh was given a sort of tour Your assistant, knowing the rules, grabs a ladder in the rear courtyard, climbs the fence, pretends he's looking for his wife's cat, falls off the fence and then runs through the restaurant on the other side calling "Here, Kitty, Kitty.
" It's a delayed cerebral process, but unfortunately, I am used to it.
It's bughouse! And Goodwin, he's a lot of things, but he ain't bughouse! No, no.
Not quite.
Let's cut across it, Mr.
Cramer.
What happened to make Archie feel compelled to communicate with me promptly was that while he was guarding the door, he was approached by Miss Tormic, and she wanted to know if I would represent her.
He accepted, and I, uh I'm committed.
You're telling me that Goodwin accepted a murder case for you? I come here in a spirit of cooperation and this is what I get? Nuts! Nero Wolfe's office.
Archie Goodwin speaking.
Uh, yes, as a matter of fact, he is right here.
It's for you, Inspector.
Yeah! Yeah.
Yeah, hi hi, Commissioner Yeah, but I All right, all right.
God Cheese and rice! Ooh! Jeez! God Ooh! Mr.
Cramer.
Yeah.
Will you have a beer? No! Uh thank you.
But maybe I should.
You know, I don't have to bother solving this case.
Three federals have blown in.
Anybody might suppose that a murder in Manhattan is the business of the homicide squad which I happen to be head but who am I, compared to the FBI? Well, Inspector, a G-man represents all the American people.
Shut up! I wish the FBI'd give you a job and send you to Alaska.
I'd recommend you personally.
You know, on top of all that, this guy Ludlow turns out to be a An English subject.
Uh, the consul just called the commissioner.
Yes? Do you mean to say that the British Consul recognized Ludlow's name from news reports and called the commissioner at home at night? Well, this Ludlow must have been here on some very important business.
Oh, I hate these foreign mix-ups.
Give me an American murder, an American motive.
Mr.
Cramer.
May I make a suggestion? Yeah.
I think it would be unprofitable for you to question me.
I think it would be better if I questioned you.
Yeah.
Wonderful idea.
Thank you.
Have you made any arrests? Have you arrested anyone? No.
Have you found an adequate motive? No.
Any indications from fingerprints, photographs, blabbing objects? No.
No prints.
And something is missing called a "culdymore.
" Col de mort.
I can't even pronounce the murder weapon.
You don't suppose he took it as a souvenir, do you? Well, if he did, Mr.
Cramer, I shall see to it that it is handed over to you as soon as we're finished with it.
Now, to continue.
How many suspects have you? Well, first and foremost, the one who was fencing with him: your client, Neya Tormic.
Well, I'd expect that.
What about the others? Well, there was the Lovchen girl.
She was fencing with Driscoll.
You're terrible.
But they quit early.
Madam Zorka was waltzing Bwith Rudolph Faber, and this Faber guy turns out to be important, because he sees Neya Tormic leave the third floor in the fencing salon.
And then Neya Tormic and Faber, they go down to the second floor and they have a couple of smokes.
Barrett joins them there.
And they see Ludlow come out the third-floor door and tell them that he's going to keep practicing with the dummy.
And they're all still there when the porter goes up to the third floor and discovers the body.
Well, my client seems to be wrapped in a mantle of innocence.
Yeah, but Faber gives her an alibi and he gets an alibi.
What if he was really arranging one for himself? Well, that's an old trick, but still a good one.
This Faber, like Ludlow, is he a confidential government agent, and who for? Germany the cons Aw, nuts! Nuts! How did you know about Ludlow? Mere conjecture, but thank you for confirming it.
You know, it does seem as if we are dealing here with a case of the German eagle clawing the British lion.
It's a case of a human being murdering a human being.
Oh.
Oh, Mr.
Cramer, it seems as if one of your suspects has just arrived.
Which one? Mr.
Rudolph Faber.
You see, I really do like to cooperate with the police when I can.
I would like to meet with Mr.
Faber in private.
He may have been a chinless wonder, but his nerve was okay.
This is a hell of a time of night for a complete stranger to be dropping in, even on Nero Wolfe.
He didn't shrink from Cramer.
He just halted in a manner that should have made his heels click.
Your escape from Miltan's was quite entertaining.
But how did you evade the police in the basement, bribe a cop? Well, you should write me special delivery, and I'll refer the question to my secretary's secretary.
Instruct your subordinate to answer the questions that are put to him, please.
Apparently Mr.
Goodwin doesn't like you.
There's no discipline in this country, Mr.
Wolfe.
I wouldn't say that.
We submit to traffic cops and sanitary codes.
We are extremely fond of certain liberties.
As for disciplining Mr.
Goodwin, don't try it; you'd soon get sick of the job.
May I? Yes, of course.
I came here to satisfy myself as to your intentions regarding Miss Neya Tormic.
What requires satisfaction? Your curiosity? I have interests and you may find it quite profitable to help me advance them.
I know your reputation, Mr.
Wolfe.
You want money.
I like money.
I use a lot of it.
What would I have to do to earn it? This affair requires great discretion.
Can you satisfy me that you are not an agent of the policeman who was just here? Can you satisfy me that your interest coincides with my client's? Send your assistant from the room, please.
Well, I knew what kind of reception that suggestion always got.
But then my grin froze.
Yes, of course.
Archie, leave us! Please.
Oh, Archie, we promised to phone Mr.
Green.
You may do so from Mr.
Brenner's room.
she is involved in something Aha! Four masters: Padapar, Korlovsk, Alibab and the Larousse Gastronomique all agree that fennel is used in bouillabaisse marseillaise and I will tell him so! Shh keep it down.
The hole is open; they're right inside the office.
Oh! Good case? Case, hell this is world war.
Yes? Goodwin here.
Green wants to see you.
Confound him anyway.
I'll come there.
Excuse me a moment.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Faber.
I have to go out on business.
If you want to meet with me, come tomorrow.
Chinless scoundrel.
Never trust a man without a chin.
He was going for United Yugoslavia, Archie.
Did you see him? Yup.
He had his fingers on it when you walked in there.
I don't like this Donevitch paper and I don't like having this object in my refrigerator disguised as a cake! We must either find out who used it or turn it over out to Inspector Cramer.
Neither prospect pleases me.
Since when do you work without a paying client? I did adopt the girl.
You don't eve know it's her.
Yes, but I intend to find out.
That's why I wanted you to bring her here.
You didn't do it.
Well, boil my bones.
Am I to infer that you are insinuating that I should have lugged her along with me basement? Ah, no, no you're being aggravating, and by God, you're good at it.
Now, should I go get Neya right now? Yes.
If she is who she says she is, I have a responsibility.
It was at that moment that I decided never, under any circumstances, to adopt a daughter.
Nero Wolfe's office, Archie Goodwin speaking.
This is Madame Zorka.
Oh, what happened this afternoon is so terrible.
I tell the police everything.
Except one little thing.
And that one little thing, are you going to tell me? No, I cannot tell anyone.
And the one little thing was a bombshell: She had Neya putting something in my coat.
I persuaded her to see me before she saw the police.
All right, well, say 20 minutes.
How will that do? All right.
Ah, now, should I go get Neya or go see Zorka? Neither; be quiet.
It's time to cooperate with Inspector Cramer.
Have him send his minions to collect Madame Zorka and Miss Tormic and have them come here for a conference.
I had no idea what he was up to, but then I'm not a genius.
I did turn out to be right about one thing: it was a waste of chocolate.
Well, hello, Sergeant.
The other one coupled on? You know, it's late, Stebbins.
You must be hungry.
Please come in.
Why don't you go to the kitchen and Fritz'll make you a nice sandwich of pork tenderloin and onion grass.
I really No, no, no, really, my poor dear fellow.
This is merely a conference.
Cramer will be here soon.
Please, right this way.
Onion grass, huh? I was afraid Wolfe might be skittish, confronted with two Montenegrin females at once.
But he stood up and greeted them like a man.
You are Nero Wolfe.
Of course, I haven't seen you since I was three.
I can't be expected to throw my arms around you.
No, indeed.
Please.
You sent a policeman to bring me here.
I don't understand.
Have you told Inspector Cramer I'm your adopted daughter? No, Miss Tormic.
For the present, it is desirable that I not be suspected of so intimate a prejudice.
That must be Inspector Cramer with Madame Zorka.
Zorka? Zorka skipped and she took her suitcase.
You sent one of my men up there on a run-around.
Please, Inspector Cramer.
I do not make a game of "run sheep run" out of murder.
Madame Zorka phoned us and told us that she had seen Miss Tormic put something into Mr.
Goodwin's pocket.
Oh, so that's why you took a powder.
He was unaware of this.
I bet.
When he went to investigate further, he did, indeed, find something there.
But he didn't take it out.
We felt that it might be preferable to have you have a first look at it.
Archie, your coat.
Your object, Inspector.
All right.
You! Did you put that in Goodwin's pocket? Yes.
Stebbins! Just a moment, Inspector.
You may be put under arrest as a material witness.
If you say anything at all now, it had better be the truth.
There's no reason why I shouldn't tell the truth.
I left my robe in the locker room and didn't put it on until the police were coming.
I put my hand in the pocket and felt a fencing glove.
I knew I didn't put it there, so I put it in Mr.
Goodwin's coat.
Thanks a lot.
Take notes.
Did you kill Percy Ludlow? No.
But you admit that you concealed evidence? Is that wrong? Hell No.
Oh, my goodness, no.
I thought Mr.
Goodwin would turn it over to you.
Well, you thought wrong.
Mr.
Goodwin jumped the fence, and ran home to papa.
and said, "Oh, look what I found!" Mr.
Cramer, you cannot possibly establish that as a fact so why do you keep on harping on it? Madame Zorka phoned us and we contacted you immediately.
Because you had to! May I point out that you owe your possession of these two objects to us? And you owe the knowledge by which the murderer disposed of them to the courageous candor of my client.
Oh, your client, your client! Why do you always have to have a damn client? I knew what was eating Cramer: he had never yet pinned a murder on any man, woman or child Nero Wolfe had accepted as a client.
Nuts! Ah, it's dinnertime.
If you will all join me, I'm sure you will find Fritz's cuisine ranks with the best of Zagreb.
I'm not hungry.
I don't eat until late.
Standing up in the kitchen, no doubt, out of a can.
Your soul would benefit by expanding your cuisine, Inspector Cramer.
Stay here.