Never Have I Ever (2020) s01e10 Episode Script

1
Hey, it's your boy McEnroe again.
Now, you may be wondering
did Devi redecorate and become
a super fan of the
classic rock power-group,
The Doobie Brothers?
Not quite.
A week ago, Devi and her
mom had an epic blowout
after Nalini said they
were relocating to India.
You remember, the fight
where Devi said this:
I wish you were the one
that died that night.
After dropping that bomb,
Devi decided she had
to move out of the house
before her mom had a chance
to move her across the globe.
But where to go?
She wasn't really on speaking
terms with her two best friends,
and it would be psycho to ask
a guy she's only kissed once
if she could live with him.
So there's really only one person left.
Hey, David.
Um, did something kinda weird happen?
Or did I do something dumb at my party?
He's talking about this:
- Whoa. Were you just trying to kiss me?
- Uh
And then four seconds later, this:
Ben, what the hell?
Anyway, if I did, that was
just alcohol doing its thang.
So I I hope that you're
not feeling weird, or awkward,
- because I
- Can I move in with you?
Ben's parents were surprisingly cool
about letting Devi move in.
Their only concern was
that their last boarder,
a Greek foreign-exchange
student named Stavros,
had robbed them and tried
to seduce Ben's mother.
Devi promised she would do neither,
and was invited to stay in their
rock-and-roll themed guest room.
So now Devi got ready for
school under the soulful gaze
of Howard Gross's favorite clients.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Good morning, Devi.
I have made your favorite:
- meat lover's omelet.
- Thank you, Patty.
Here's number one million
and one of the things
I couldn't get if I moved to India
'cause nobody eats meat there.
Well, actually, that's
a common misconception.
Only about 20 to 30 percent
of the population in India
are truly vegetarian.
I did an extra-credit report
for World History on the
cuisines of South Asia.
Suck-up.
You know, I would've run away earlier
if I'd known I'd get to use
a bathroom with a TV in it.
Yeah. I like to watch
Billions in the bath.
Mmm.
- Have you heard from your mom?
- No.
Honestly, I'm surprised she hasn't
had the police come over here
to drag you home.
I'm not sure she wants me back.
I mean, I'm like the only Indian
child ever to run away from home
aside from Mowgli.
Mowgli didn't run away. He
was lost after a tiger attack.
What? I'm a reader.
Look, maybe you should just apologize.
Why should I apologize?
She is the one who's ruining
my life by moving me to India.
I never even got to
go to Coachella, Ben.
India is not that
different from Coachella.
It's crowded, dusty.
Diplo's sort of around.
Forget it. I'm not going.
You could ask my dad
to help you emancipate
yourself like a child actor.
It usually goes pretty well for them.
You're looking to get into meth, right?
- Hello, Devi.
- Jesus! Kamala, what the hell?
I'm sorry. I've been told before
that my light tread is too elegant
to be detected by the human ear.
What are you doing here?
I thought you might need
some things from home.
It seemed like you packed in haste.
Yeah. I've been using
Ben's deodorant all week.
So, do you think you might
return home sometime soon?
It's not as much fun
watching 90 Day Fiancé
without your color commentary about
all the, quote, "delusional uggos."
I don't know, Kamala.
Your mother also misses you a lot.
- Did she say that?
- Not in words,
but I did see her hesitate when she
threw out all your favorite snacks.
So, is it nice over at Ben's?
It's friggin' luxurious.
They have a pool. They have a gym.
They use hella cushy soft toilet paper.
Not that one-ply trash Mom buys.
And they let me use the dishwasher.
I'm sure if you came home,
I could convince your mother to
let you run the dishwasher once.
Oh! Which home?
The one here, or the one I'm
being dragged to in India?
Obviously, you won't
need a dishwasher in India
because you'll have servants.
Please just tell my
mom I'm not coming home
until she promises not to move.
Hello. You're beautiful.
Are you new here?
Uh excuse me?
I'm Eric, a very popular
and handsome jock.
Would you like to be my girlfriend?
Eric, get out of here.
I totally get it. Have a good day.
Hello, Arlene, this
is Nalini Vishwakumar.
Oh, of course. Hello!
Oh. How's that classic three and two?
- It's fine.
- Fine?
Sounds like it's time for you guys
to upgrade to a four and three,
and I have new listing off of Moorpark
with the most beautiful en suite
you have ever seen in your life.
And you tell Mohan
it's got a rain shower.
I would, but, um sadly, he
passed away eight months ago.
Oh, my God!
Oh, I am so sorry.
Thank you, and that's
actually why I'm calling.
I have decided to move my
daughter and I back to India,
and, um, I'm looking to
put my house on the market.
Uh, okay, sure. I'll get right on it.
- Thank you.
- But it is such a shame, you know?
Mohan really loved that house.
Can you believe it?
Wow. This is perfect.
Does it get any more
Southern California than this?
It's 90210, baby.
Actually, it's 91403.
A higher number. Even better!
How come in all the
movies about Hollywood
no one mentions how
many spiders live here?
Forget about the spiders
and look at the house.
We could plant a little garden here,
grow fresh tomatoes for thakkali sambar,
and our children could get
married right here on this lawn.
And when we grow old,
we can sit on the porch
and shake our fists
at the skateboarders.
I do like to shake my fist.
So, you thinking this is the one, folks?
Yes.
Yes, this is our home.
Wonderful! I'll get
started on the paperwork.
Welcome to the Valley, folks,
LA's responsible sister.
Oh, my gosh. What is this song?
It's a sign. It is a beautiful day!
Arlene, can you please
turn up that music?
Sure.
This is my new favorite song.
No!
Devi had hoped that kissing
Paxton wasn't a one-time thing,
but ever since he
showed up at her house,
he had been a little bit,
how do you say distant?
Hey. I haven't seen you all week.
Yeah, I've been busy.
Cool.
So listen, I'm sorry my mom was
so crazy to you the other day.
It's fine. I don't really
care what your mom thinks.
Totally.
I mean, honestly, I got into a
huge fight with her after that.
Listen, I need to get to class.
For sure, uh, but would you maybe wanna
hang out after school or something?
I don't know. I, like, have a lot
going on with swimming and stuff.
Oh, God.
Get out of there, Devi.
This is a classic brush-off.
Cool. Well, if you change
your mind or anything
Hey, move it along. We do not
give grades for hallway loitering.
Go learn something.
Okay. Here you go.
What's the point of all
the ceramics in here?
Just to make the place seem homier.
Make my patients feel a
little more comfortable.
Strange.
So, I'm glad you came in today.
I mean, I didn't think you were
someone who believed in therapy.
I don't. It's for white people.
I mean, clearly, there
are some exceptions.
I am not quite sure what to make
of that, so I'm gonna ignore it.
What I do want to talk
about is Devi's progress.
Yeah.
- I'm concerned.
- Yeah, me too.
I told her we were
moving us back to India,
and she ran away to live with a family
who apparently run their
dishwasher day and night.
- Wait. You're moving back to India?
- Yeah, we have to.
Devi is out of control.
She needs to be in an environment
that values discipline.
Sure, but changing your geography
won't necessarily change the
problems that Devi is dealing with.
Well, I'm certainly not
fixing them here on my own.
I know that I'm not as good as Mohan,
but I am trying.
You must miss him a lot.
How are you handling your grief?
Oh, you know what? I am
not falling for this one.
I'm here to talk about my
daughter who wishes I were dead.
- I don't think that's true.
- That is true.
She said, quote, "I wish you
were the one who had died."
And that she didn't think I liked her.
Why do you think Devi feels that way?
Because I'm tough on her.
I am. I know that.
But it's only because I
am scared all the time.
When she couldn't walk, I, um
You don't always have to be so strong.
I mean, it might help her to
know that you're also struggling.
Come on.
What good would that do? Huh?
Have you considered falling apart
might actually be the thing that
brings your family back together?
Tomorrow is Mohan's birthday.
He'd be so sad if he
knew we weren't speaking.
These ceramics are quite comforting.
For white people too.
All right. Trent thinks he can eat an
- No, I know.
- No, you think
In one bite, in one bite Prove it!
- Are you guys ready? 'Cause I'm ready.
- Prove it. Go ahead.
Do it. Stuff it! Stuff it! Stuff it!
Get it in there. Yes!
Happy birthday to you ♪
Happy birthday to you ♪
Happy birth ♪
Devi, you have a visitor.
Paxton?
Oh, Miss Vivian does not
allow any sugar in the house.
- She's on keto diet and
- Just take it.
What are you doing here?
I'm here because um
even though your behavior
has been outrageous
and incredibly disrespectful, I
I don't want us to fight anymore.
Today is your father's birthday, and
I think it's time for
us to scatter his ashes.
Would you do that with me?
You want to spread his ashes?
Why does it have to be today?
Because it's his birthday,
and we probably should have
done it a long time ago.
Or maybe it's because you
want to do some spring cleaning
before uprooting the whole family,
and you're trying to get rid
of unnecessary junk like Dad.
Devi, that's, that's unkind. I
I wanted us to do this together.
Well, you can count me out.
I'm not Marie Kondo-ing
members of this family
for your dumb India move.
Okay.
Like I said
I don't want to fight with you.
If you change your mind, Kamala
and I are leaving the house
for Malibu at 5:00 p.m.
God, Dad, you have great flexibility.
Make sure you drink a
lot of water today, okay?
Sure thing, champ.
Excuse me. I don't mean to
intrude, but, Mr. Gross sir,
I was wondering if you could help
me become emancipated from my mother.
What? Devi, I was
joking when I said that.
I know, but now it seems
like a good option for me.
It's a bit hard to do, sweetie.
Are you financially independent?
No, but I think my friend Rebecca
could get me a job at Old Navy.
Let me look into it, and,
uh, I'll see what I can do.
No, Dad, she didn't mean it.
Can I talk to you?
Thank you, Mr. Gross.
Devi, what's going on?
My mom just came in here
and was being all like,
"I don't wanna fight anymore.
Come spread you dad's
ashes with me at the beach."
Isn't that a good thing?
No, it's a ploy to get me back
so that I have to
move to India with her.
And honestly, I can't believe she's
using my dad's ashes like that.
That's, like, immoral.
So you're not going to
spread your dad's ashes?
Nope. I'm not falling for her tricks.
I really think you should
talk to her and clear this up.
I don't negotiate with terrorists, Ben.
And honestly, I'm mature
enough to be on my own.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna
google how to buy a credit card.
I really only thought I'd
be buying two Frappuccinos
since I only asked two of you here.
Don't be cheap, Ben.
If you need to talk to us that urgently,
you can also afford
to hydrate our lovers.
Fine. Why does the robot need a coffee?
Uh, have you not seen Westworld?
He doesn't know he's a robot.
Here you go, Gears.
Thank you. Boy, am I thirsty.
So what's this about?
Your blazer makes me think
you're trying to rope
us into a pyramid scheme.
So, what is it?
I'm really worried about Devi.
Listen, I'm sorry, Ben,
but Eleanor and I are on a
friend break with Devi right now.
So I guess you'll just have
to figure it out on your own.
There's no such thing as a friend break.
You're either friends, or you're not.
And Devi needs you.
I don't know how much you've
heard, but she ran away from home.
- She's trying to emancipate herself.
- Ooh, like a child actor? Chic.
Yeah, and now she's
refusing to go with her mom
to spread her dad's ashes today.
She is?
You guys know her better than anyone.
You're the only people she'll listen to.
So, will you help?
Oh, mama. That sure hit the spot.
Devi called. She wants to
work with me at Old Navy.
Isn't that cool?
Yeah, sure.
How come she hasn't
come over in a while?
I thought you told me you kissed.
- I kiss a lot of girls.
- Yeah, but most of them suck.
And I like Devi.
Doesn't mean I need to
make her my girlfriend.
You should.
Listen, I don't wanna sound conceited,
but I'm kind of cool,
and she's, like, known for competing
in the National Spelling Bee.
- Oh, no.
- What?
You're a douche.
- I am not.
- Yeah, you are.
Rebecca, look. We kissed one time.
I don't need to marry her.
Also, her mom basically
called me stupid,
and I don't need that kinda
negative energy in my life.
Oh, so you're scared
she's smarter than you?
No. Uh
That's pretty rude, Rebecca.
Well, if you blow her off,
then actually, you are stupid.
Hey, you have guests.
Whoa. What is this room?
Why are they here?
I'd prefer not to have
any visitors right now.
First off, this is my house,
so I can bring anyone I want
except for my dad's old law partner
who poached Channing Tatum from him.
I asked them to come and help you.
Help me what?
You have to go with your mom
to spread your dad's ashes.
Even though we haven't talked,
we still care about you,
and we don't want you to make a
decision you're gonna regret forever.
You know, you're one to
talk about regrets, Eleanor.
What are you even wearing?
Tan pants, tan shirt.
And you're not gonna
regret quitting the play,
or dressing like a park ranger
for the rest of your life?
This isn't about me. We're
talking about you right now.
I know Devi is deflecting,
but she has a point, El.
Last night, I saw you eat a plain yogurt
and watch the Home Shopping
Network as entertainment.
That sounds really bleak, Eleanor.
I know you don't want
to be like your mom,
but this new you can't
be making you happy.
It's not. I'm miserable.
I hate neutral tones. I
miss my scarves and capes.
Of course, you do because they're you,
and so is acting.
You should be a part of the play.
You're right.
I was pretending to be someone I'm not,
which I should only be doing on stage.
Wow. Even saying the word
"stage" makes me feel better.
Guys, I am so sorry I wasn't
there for you when you needed me.
I know I don't deserve another chance,
but I really, really miss you.
We miss you too, Devi.
Maybe we could hang out sometime?
Yeah, I think so.
We'll call you tomorrow. Aw!
Hey, guys. You didn't do the thing.
Get her to spread her dad's ashes.
- I totally forgot why we were here.
- Oh!
You just like used straight-up
Jedi mind tricks on us.
I know, but I did mean what I
said. I really do miss you guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You
still have to go to Malibu.
So my mom can ship me off to India?
That's not why you don't wanna go.
You don't wanna go because you
don't wanna say goodbye to him.
But you have to.
I'm not ready.
Yes, you are. You can do this.
You gotta go.
Go, Devi.
The time is now 4:55.
Oh, my God. I'm not
gonna make it in time!
I'll get you there.
Hey, Ben, when you said,
"I'll get you there,"
you made it seem like you understood
the urgency of the situation.
- I do.
- Then drive faster, bro!
This is my dad's car,
and I only have a permit.
I'm not gonna throw
my life away for you.
At least drive the speed limit.
Oh, my God. Grandma, go!
Hey, stop pushing my leg.
This is not how you treat a Porsche.
Should we wait a little bit longer?
She's not coming, Kamala.
We don't have to do
this today, you know.
It's his birthday. I want to
take him somewhere he loves.
Shit! My mom's car is gone.
Andy, did you see my mom leave?
Yeah, not long ago.
She had an intense vibe.
Dammit. They already left for Malibu.
I gotta call them.
Straight to voicemail.
I'll take you to Malibu.
I think it might be faster
if I just take a Lyft.
No. I'll be faster this time.
Although I've never been
on the highway before,
but how hard could it be?
Holy shit. We're gonna die!
How is it legal to drive 70 miles
an hour around a thousand other cars?
- Okay. Just relax.
- I am relaxed.
Please wait. I'm on my way to you.
Why is that guy so close
to me? Does he not see me?
I'm right next to you, pal.
Oh, my God! Use your fricking blinker!
Mom! Wait!
Mom! Kamala! Stop!
Wait, please!
Are you okay, kid?
Oh, fuck. You're John McEnroe.
I am.
Whoa! It's me. Small world.
My dad's your biggest fan.
That's awesome, but why are
you crying and screaming?
Because my mom is about to
toss my dad in the ocean,
- and I can't make it down there in time.
- Huh?
His ashes, I mean. Sorry. He's dead.
Yeah, a lot of my fans are now.
I was such a shitty daughter,
and I said I wouldn't come.
Now they're doing it without me.
I'm trying to scream,
but they can't hear me.
Well, they'll certainly hear me.
We can't do this without Devi.
Wait! Hey!
Don't throw your husband's
ashes in the water!
Is that John McEnroe?
- Thank you so much, Mr. McEnroe.
- No problem, kid.
Now, you give your dad a proper
send off, okay? Get going.
Mom!
Did I miss it? Am I too late?
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything.
I can't believe I said, "I wish
you were dead." I didn't mean it.
No, no. Don't apologize.
Sometimes I also wish I
was the one who had died.
No.
I know you think that it was your father
who was the only one
who cared about you,
but that's not true.
I love you.
You're my only child.
You're my whole family.
I love you too, Mom. I love you.
Now how about we celebrate your father?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay, Kamala, if you please.
Goodbye, my love.
"'I love you right up
to the moon, ' he said."
Up, up. Racket head up, and through.
Ha, ha!
I think your father would've
enjoyed that little ceremony.
It was beautiful
except for when that
booze cruise came by.
So many topless women.
I think Mohan would've
enjoyed that as well.
Mom, can we make pancakes
for dinner like he used to?
Of course,
but you have to come home to eat them.
Okay.
Go ahead. I'll be right there.
Hi. Was I drooling?
Sorry.
Uh, how did it go? Did you
make it down there in time?
Yeah.
You stayed.
Yeah. I just wanted to
make sure you were okay.
It's Devi. Leave a message.
Oh, hey, um, I'm in your neighborhood.
Thought maybe we can hang out,
but, uh, it seems
like you're busy, so
Uh
Anyway, you can give me
a call or text. Whatever.
Okay.