Now Apocalypse (2019) s01e10 Episode Script
Everything Is Gone Forever
1 I have to fly to Roswell, New Mexico.
- For how long? - Indefinitely.
Previously on Now Apocalypse Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions? - Help me! - [hissing.]
They keep fucking me.
They won't stop.
Remember my cam client, Worm? ULYSSES: Is this the pee guy? Here you go.
My phone number's on there, too, you know.
I have a-a girlfriend.
[giggling.]
Oops.
I'm in fucking love.
ULYSSES: It it just feels right.
And, unlike Gabriel, he doesn't disappear every five seconds.
[beeping.]
- Carly?! - Oh, my God.
ULYSSES: Do you ever think about the future? Our future, you mean? Not just our future.
Like, in general.
Sure, of course.
Why? Sometimes I think about the future, and I get super tense and anxious and I feel this horrible black dread churning in the pit of my stomach, like a tumor.
But, lately, I just feel kind of happy.
She flies She's gone to ride ULYSSES: I'm gonna take a shower now, if that's OK.
Of course.
Yeah, I just, uh, feel a little crusty from last night.
I kind of like the idea of you walking around all day with my dry cum on you, but Wow, well If you put it that way I'm just kidding But not really 'cause it's really fucking hot.
How about I take a shower, and then you can come on me again, if you want.
Deal.
So, what do you want to do today? - [blows raspberry.]
- I don't know.
It's so rare that you have a day off.
So, we could hang out in the daytime.
I know.
Let's eat a giant breakfast somewhere and then do something random, like Have you ever been to the zoo? No, but that sounds awesome.
OK, cool.
It's a plan.
["Celia's Dream" by Slowdive playing.]
Love just for a day [cell phone pings.]
And all the time I feel Why have you been ignoring my messages? I need to get ready for work.
Well, I need to talk to you.
How could you not tell me that you're a prostitute? OK, PC term is 'sex worker'.
And I'm just a cam girl.
I-I don't do full service.
Oh, my God.
What if you gave me AIDS? You can't get AIDS from Skyping, you idiot! [groaning in pain.]
- What the fuck are you doing? - Ah, fuck! God, that really hurt.
It's just I can't believe you kept this a secret from me.
I know.
I am truly sorry that I was not honest with you from the beginning.
It's fucked up, and I-I own that.
I should've told you the truth.
I just didn't know how.
Are you still leaving today, or what? Yes, tonight.
And I have a lot of preparations to make, so I'm feeling quite overwhelmed.
Well, have you given any thought at all to what's gonna happen with us? I have.
And unfortunately, there is no simple resolution that you will likely want to hear.
What is that supposed to mean? What are you doing looking at my phone? I wasn't looking at your phone.
You left it on the table.
And you still haven't answered my question.
Just tell me, whatever it is.
I just want everything to be out in the open between us.
You jerk off while these guys pay money to watch you? I mean, what do they make you do? They don't make me do anything.
I'm not a victim, Jethro.
I like camming.
What do you mean you like it? It's degrading.
So, i-it's degrading for me to do it, but not for you to watch it? It's degrading for me to watch it, too.
Now where are you going? I-I'm so tired of arguing with you.
I don't have time for this.
Ford, this imposed hiatus might actually be an opportunity masquerading as a problem.
What are you talking about? It offers us a chance to evaluate and reassess our relationship with fresh objectivity.
OK, maybe you need time to evaluate and reassess, but I don't.
I have my freaking Starz meeting later, and I still need to get ready, and thanks to you, my fucking eyes are all puffy.
I look like a mutant.
You're not even listening to me.
[shouting.]
I am listening! OK.
I accept your apology, and I appreciate you admitting that you were wrong.
And I am working very hard to find the strength within myself to forgive you, which is not easy! But it's like my mom was saying when I was talking to her last night Wait, you you talked to your mom about this? Yeah, I talk to my mom about everything.
What? OK, I literally cannot deal with this right now.
I need you to leave.
I keep telling you that if this is going too fast, or if it's too much, then just say so.
And I told you, it's not too fast.
Gabriel was someone that I was seeing like, very briefly.
Before I even met you.
So, what? He's just some random hookup that won't leave you alone? No.
No, it's it's a it's a little bit more complicated than that.
What do you mean 'complicated'? I really need to prep for my meeting.
I just need time alone.
I just need to think.
I'm not kidding, Jethro.
I want you to go.
Well, can we talk about this later? Yeah or No.
I-I don't know.
Just let me think about it.
I'm gonna be 100% honest with you because I re I really, really want this to work with us.
All right.
I met Gabriel a couple weeks before I met you, and I felt this strange, intense connection with him.
I thought it was gonna turn into something significant, but it didn't.
Why? Why not? With me and him, it was like chaos.
Hot and cold melodrama, unlike us.
With me and you, it's no bullshit.
There's no mystery.
It's just - It's boring.
- No! Fuck! It's real! You're real.
We are real.
Oh, my God, Isaac.
Don't you get it, Sev? I love you.
No ifs, ands, or buts.
Without a single doubt in my mind.
Do you not feel the same way about me? You never say, "I love you.
" You always just say, "Me too.
" Ford I told you many times how deeply I care for you.
Do you love me? Do you? Oh, my God.
You don't fucking love me.
No, I do love you.
Don't be ridiculous.
All this time I thought if I just tried as hard as I could to make you happy you don't fucking love me.
That explains everything.
It all finally makes sense now.
I think that maybe we should We should take a break.
What? No, just Just slow Just just slow down for a second.
Isaac, I-I-I love you.
Don't say that to me.
It's true.
I told you.
My ex wanted to be with other people.
I don't want to be with other people.
I wanna be with you.
You say that, but I don't think that you even know what you want anymore.
Please don't Don't do this.
Please.
I'm f-fucking begging you.
I really do have the deepest feelings for you, but it's evident that my presence in your life causes you tremendous grief and anguish.
Yeah, sometimes.
So since you are clearly in no state to be rational right now, it's up to me to be the strong one in this situation.
It's probably.
Therefore, although it pains me terribly, I've come to the conclusion that it's best if we stop seeing each other.
Wait are you breaking up with me? [knocking on door.]
Fuck! Jethro Uly? Oh, no.
Baby.
[Ulysses sobbing.]
Oh, no.
CARLY: Are you sure that you're gonna be OK? Don't worry about me.
Just go to your meeting and kill it.
Oh, my God, dude.
I am so nervous, like, my hands are shaking.
Should I just reschedule the whole thing? Fuck, no.
Are you kidding me? OK, um Look, you can stay for as long as you want, OK? Watch TV, take a nap.
I don't have much food in the fridge, but Yeah, I'll be fine.
I'm just gonna lie here, and quietly expire.
And the fact that you are even half-heartedly joking is an encouraging sign.
Speaking of signs, how weird is it that we both broke up at literally the exact same moment? Mercury must be in retrograde or something.
Yeah, I didn't really 'break up' with Jethro, we're just, I don't know, in limbo, I guess.
[cell phone vibrating.]
[gloomily.]
Hello? [sobbing.]
Uly? Ford? Is this, uh is this helping any? [sighs.]
Not really, bro.
How about you? [car door slams.]
Are you not coming inside? Nah, gonna go for a drive, I think.
You sure? Yeah All right.
Well, let me know if you need anything or whatever.
OK thanks.
[cell phone pings.]
Is it? Oof, it's Barnabus.
I, I texted him yesterday with some questions about the rewrite.
Yeah.
So, what'd he say? He's going to Bali for six months on a spiritual cleanse.
He's putting "Meet Your Maker" on indefinite hold.
Oh, dude.
[suspenseful music playing.]
[keys clanging.]
["Lonely World" by Moses Sumney playing.]
[music intensifying.]
[phone pings.]
Lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely world Casts a shadow On the shallow love it hurls To the feet of swine It need not cast its pearls [phone vibrating.]
[phone continues vibrating.]
Fuck.
[excitedly.]
Carly? Hi.
Oh, my God! It's so nice to meet you.
I am such a fan.
Oh.
Really? Well, uh, thank you.
"Sluts" is amazing.
I am full-on obsessed with it! Anyway, Andrew's ready for you.
I'll take you back.
[heels clicking.]
Not to geek out on you or anything, but I have been looking forward to you coming in all week.
Andrew, the exec you're meeting with, is super savvy and smart.
He really gets it.
That's great.
You know that scene in episode one, where your boyfriend gets all emo about about your vibrator? The other day, I actually caught my boyfriend unplugging my bullet while he thought I was asleep.
For real! Sabotaging your girlfriend's vibrator battery is the modern-day chastity belt.
You're so fucking funny.
I love you.
Oh, thanks.
So, just FYI, Andrew actually hasn't had time to watch your show yet.
Wait what? But don't worry.
Me and all the other assistants love you so fucking much, we told him, "Are you kidding me?" "You have to meet with her.
" [nervous giggle.]
Here we are.
Now go in there, and knock it out of the park.
[heels clicking away.]
[whispering.]
Oh, my God.
OK Hey [Airiel's "You Against the Rest of Us" playing.]
Excuse me? Thank you.
[phone ringing.]
- Hello? - WOMAN: Ford? Hi, Mom.
How are you doing, sweetheart? Not so good.
Oh no, what's the matter, baby? Severine.
She She We-we broke up today.
Oh, honey.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank you, Mom.
So, how are how are you and Dad doing? Well sweetheart, that's actually why I'm calling.
ULYSSES: That is so whack.
Even by our world's dubious standards.
ULYSSES: Did he ask you to pee on him? Not fucking funny.
ULYSSES: Sorry.
I was really counting on Starz to save my ass from a future of endless camming sessions.
I know.
That fucking blows.
CARLY: Anyway How you doin'? Horrible.
But at least I'm so stoned that I can't feel anything besides a violent urge to ransack a 7-Eleven for some Funyuns.
CARLY: Well, traffic's so bad I won't be home for, like, 100 hours, so, uh, if you wanna stop by later, though, we can give ourselves mani-pedis and watch the death episode of 13 Reasons Whyagain.
It's a date.
FORD: Hello? Sev? I don't know why you haven't returned any of my calls because I really, really need to talk to you before you leave.
I just got off the phone with my mom, and she gave me, like, the worst news ever.
So just just please call me back when you get this, OK? Please.
OK, goodbye.
WOMAN: Ford? Cleopatra? What are you doin' here? What are you doing here? This is my neighborhood bar.
- I'm meeting some friends here later.
- Oh.
I've just I've had I've had, like, a really bad day.
Oh, no, Ford.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's OK.
I'm gonna be all right.
[sobbing.]
[sighs.]
FORD: So, then, on top of everything else, my mom calls and tells me she and my dad just found out that their financial planner is involved in some kind of Bernie Sanders Fonzie scheme.
You mean Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme? Yeah.
So, anyway, they lost all of their money, and now they can't help me pay the rent or give me my allowance.
So, as of this moment, I am totally screwed over in the money department, too.
It's like my whole life is going down the toilet.
[makes a popping sound.]
I don't mean to bum you out with all my problems.
Are you kidding me? I'm here to listen.
[moaning.]
[moaning and panting.]
Is that the gear shift? No, it's an automatic.
[unzips his pants.]
Oh, fuck.
It's even better in real life.
Oh, thank you.
Oh! Oh, shit! [moaning continues.]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
Stop.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What's wrong? I don't I can't, I can't.
I can't.
Oh, it feels so good, but it's just it's too soon.
Are you sure? It might help you feel better.
Aw, you think? Uh-huh.
Just close your eyes and relax.
Mm, I don't know.
Don't worry, baby.
You're gonna love it.
I promise.
Oh, f [Cleopatra slurping.]
[moaning and panting.]
Oh, Cleopatra.
[moaning and panting continues.]
Ah, no! No, no, no, no! I'm sorry! And I really like you, and you're really pretty, and my dick really, really, reallywants to, - but I can't! - Aah! [panting.]
[panting continues.]
[sobbing.]
ULYSSES: Hello? I-I don't mean you any harm.
I'm I'm not a robber or anything.
I just wanna talk.
[music intensifies.]
Aah! Please, please, please! Please don't hurt me! Please! Please! Jesus! What do you want? I have some questions.
And and I just want some answers.
[eerie music intensifying.]
[car skidding.]
[car crashing.]
[indistinct chatter from outside.]
[cell phone ringing.]
[cell phone continues ringing.]
[locks phone.]
HOMELESS MAN: It's over.
ULYSSES: What do you mean? I can't go on like this.
I was like you.
I had a life.
A girlfriend.
An apartment.
Did a few commercials.
Then, one night, they came.
Was having a rough patch.
I got evicted.
My girlfriend broke up with me.
So, I was hammered walking out of this bar.
That was the first time they got me.
Who? The Aliens.
And ever since then, they keep coming back.
They keep fucking me over and over.
And they won't stop.
I beg them.
I say "Please, no more.
" "No more.
" But they just keep fucking me.
But that's not even the worst part.
About six months later the babies come out.
[sobbing.]
I can't do it anymore.
I just can't.
[electrical buzzing.]
Here.
Wha what? Kill me.
[buzzing and crackling.]
What? Kill me.
I can't go on living like this.
No, no, I mean, no! What are you talking about? Please! Kill me! Anything is better than this.
I'm begging you.
No.
Oh, my God! No! What Just do it! Please! Kill me! [music intensifies.]
Please! [muffled struggling.]
Please do it.
- Please! - Please! No! Stop, are you crazy? Get off me! [screaming.]
[sizzling.]
[shooting fireworks.]
[panting.]
[plane taking off.]
LARS: Is everything all right? Yes.
Can you inform the pilot we're ready to take off? We've got important work to do.
[plane engine running.]
FORD: No.
Don't Sev, don't No, Sev, don't go.
FORD: No, Sev, don't.
No.
[sobs.]
Oh, my God, Sev.
No, no [ominous decrescendo.]
Aah! Aah! Holy sh No, no [upbeat instrumental playing.]
[grunts.]
CARLY: Um, are you still coming over later, or what? Just let me know.
[banging on the door.]
[banging increases.]
Fuck.
[banging continues.]
What do you want? I really need to talk to you.
- Are you gonna let me in? - You're drunk.
There's no point in us having a conversation right now.
[whining.]
Carly.
I'm serious.
Just go home, Jethro.
We can talk like two adults tomorrow when you're sober.
Fight, fight, fight.
All we ever do is fight.
You know what we need? We need to cleanse this relationship of negative energy.
Do you have any sage? Seriously, Jethro! Go home.
OK, you know what? I I really didn't want to do it like this, but you leave me no choice.
Do what? I'm done.
Jethro.
This relationship it's not good for me, or for you at this point.
Wait You're breaking up with me? Yes.
MAN: Ulysses.
JETHRO: Well, Mommy Thanks for the lame-o advice.
Mm? Carly dumped me.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, she's out of her fucking mind.
Ah, I love her.
I love her.
She's my everything.
I gotta go.
I gotta go do some, like some, like, breathing exercises.
I feel like I'm about to throw up.
I love you, Mommy.
Mm-hmm.
Kisses.
OK.
Mwah, OK.
OK, I will see you.
Bye.
[cell phone beeps.]
[sighs.]
[drops keys.]
Fuck.
["The Beginning of the End" by Nine Inch Nails playing.]
W-W-W-W-What the f-f-f? What the fuck? You wait your turn, you'll be last in line No, no! No! No! Aah! This is the beginning God helps the ones that can help themselves This is the beginning May be too late as far as I can tell This is the beginning We think we've come so far On all our lives we depend Facing our consequence This is the beginning of the end
- For how long? - Indefinitely.
Previously on Now Apocalypse Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions? - Help me! - [hissing.]
They keep fucking me.
They won't stop.
Remember my cam client, Worm? ULYSSES: Is this the pee guy? Here you go.
My phone number's on there, too, you know.
I have a-a girlfriend.
[giggling.]
Oops.
I'm in fucking love.
ULYSSES: It it just feels right.
And, unlike Gabriel, he doesn't disappear every five seconds.
[beeping.]
- Carly?! - Oh, my God.
ULYSSES: Do you ever think about the future? Our future, you mean? Not just our future.
Like, in general.
Sure, of course.
Why? Sometimes I think about the future, and I get super tense and anxious and I feel this horrible black dread churning in the pit of my stomach, like a tumor.
But, lately, I just feel kind of happy.
She flies She's gone to ride ULYSSES: I'm gonna take a shower now, if that's OK.
Of course.
Yeah, I just, uh, feel a little crusty from last night.
I kind of like the idea of you walking around all day with my dry cum on you, but Wow, well If you put it that way I'm just kidding But not really 'cause it's really fucking hot.
How about I take a shower, and then you can come on me again, if you want.
Deal.
So, what do you want to do today? - [blows raspberry.]
- I don't know.
It's so rare that you have a day off.
So, we could hang out in the daytime.
I know.
Let's eat a giant breakfast somewhere and then do something random, like Have you ever been to the zoo? No, but that sounds awesome.
OK, cool.
It's a plan.
["Celia's Dream" by Slowdive playing.]
Love just for a day [cell phone pings.]
And all the time I feel Why have you been ignoring my messages? I need to get ready for work.
Well, I need to talk to you.
How could you not tell me that you're a prostitute? OK, PC term is 'sex worker'.
And I'm just a cam girl.
I-I don't do full service.
Oh, my God.
What if you gave me AIDS? You can't get AIDS from Skyping, you idiot! [groaning in pain.]
- What the fuck are you doing? - Ah, fuck! God, that really hurt.
It's just I can't believe you kept this a secret from me.
I know.
I am truly sorry that I was not honest with you from the beginning.
It's fucked up, and I-I own that.
I should've told you the truth.
I just didn't know how.
Are you still leaving today, or what? Yes, tonight.
And I have a lot of preparations to make, so I'm feeling quite overwhelmed.
Well, have you given any thought at all to what's gonna happen with us? I have.
And unfortunately, there is no simple resolution that you will likely want to hear.
What is that supposed to mean? What are you doing looking at my phone? I wasn't looking at your phone.
You left it on the table.
And you still haven't answered my question.
Just tell me, whatever it is.
I just want everything to be out in the open between us.
You jerk off while these guys pay money to watch you? I mean, what do they make you do? They don't make me do anything.
I'm not a victim, Jethro.
I like camming.
What do you mean you like it? It's degrading.
So, i-it's degrading for me to do it, but not for you to watch it? It's degrading for me to watch it, too.
Now where are you going? I-I'm so tired of arguing with you.
I don't have time for this.
Ford, this imposed hiatus might actually be an opportunity masquerading as a problem.
What are you talking about? It offers us a chance to evaluate and reassess our relationship with fresh objectivity.
OK, maybe you need time to evaluate and reassess, but I don't.
I have my freaking Starz meeting later, and I still need to get ready, and thanks to you, my fucking eyes are all puffy.
I look like a mutant.
You're not even listening to me.
[shouting.]
I am listening! OK.
I accept your apology, and I appreciate you admitting that you were wrong.
And I am working very hard to find the strength within myself to forgive you, which is not easy! But it's like my mom was saying when I was talking to her last night Wait, you you talked to your mom about this? Yeah, I talk to my mom about everything.
What? OK, I literally cannot deal with this right now.
I need you to leave.
I keep telling you that if this is going too fast, or if it's too much, then just say so.
And I told you, it's not too fast.
Gabriel was someone that I was seeing like, very briefly.
Before I even met you.
So, what? He's just some random hookup that won't leave you alone? No.
No, it's it's a it's a little bit more complicated than that.
What do you mean 'complicated'? I really need to prep for my meeting.
I just need time alone.
I just need to think.
I'm not kidding, Jethro.
I want you to go.
Well, can we talk about this later? Yeah or No.
I-I don't know.
Just let me think about it.
I'm gonna be 100% honest with you because I re I really, really want this to work with us.
All right.
I met Gabriel a couple weeks before I met you, and I felt this strange, intense connection with him.
I thought it was gonna turn into something significant, but it didn't.
Why? Why not? With me and him, it was like chaos.
Hot and cold melodrama, unlike us.
With me and you, it's no bullshit.
There's no mystery.
It's just - It's boring.
- No! Fuck! It's real! You're real.
We are real.
Oh, my God, Isaac.
Don't you get it, Sev? I love you.
No ifs, ands, or buts.
Without a single doubt in my mind.
Do you not feel the same way about me? You never say, "I love you.
" You always just say, "Me too.
" Ford I told you many times how deeply I care for you.
Do you love me? Do you? Oh, my God.
You don't fucking love me.
No, I do love you.
Don't be ridiculous.
All this time I thought if I just tried as hard as I could to make you happy you don't fucking love me.
That explains everything.
It all finally makes sense now.
I think that maybe we should We should take a break.
What? No, just Just slow Just just slow down for a second.
Isaac, I-I-I love you.
Don't say that to me.
It's true.
I told you.
My ex wanted to be with other people.
I don't want to be with other people.
I wanna be with you.
You say that, but I don't think that you even know what you want anymore.
Please don't Don't do this.
Please.
I'm f-fucking begging you.
I really do have the deepest feelings for you, but it's evident that my presence in your life causes you tremendous grief and anguish.
Yeah, sometimes.
So since you are clearly in no state to be rational right now, it's up to me to be the strong one in this situation.
It's probably.
Therefore, although it pains me terribly, I've come to the conclusion that it's best if we stop seeing each other.
Wait are you breaking up with me? [knocking on door.]
Fuck! Jethro Uly? Oh, no.
Baby.
[Ulysses sobbing.]
Oh, no.
CARLY: Are you sure that you're gonna be OK? Don't worry about me.
Just go to your meeting and kill it.
Oh, my God, dude.
I am so nervous, like, my hands are shaking.
Should I just reschedule the whole thing? Fuck, no.
Are you kidding me? OK, um Look, you can stay for as long as you want, OK? Watch TV, take a nap.
I don't have much food in the fridge, but Yeah, I'll be fine.
I'm just gonna lie here, and quietly expire.
And the fact that you are even half-heartedly joking is an encouraging sign.
Speaking of signs, how weird is it that we both broke up at literally the exact same moment? Mercury must be in retrograde or something.
Yeah, I didn't really 'break up' with Jethro, we're just, I don't know, in limbo, I guess.
[cell phone vibrating.]
[gloomily.]
Hello? [sobbing.]
Uly? Ford? Is this, uh is this helping any? [sighs.]
Not really, bro.
How about you? [car door slams.]
Are you not coming inside? Nah, gonna go for a drive, I think.
You sure? Yeah All right.
Well, let me know if you need anything or whatever.
OK thanks.
[cell phone pings.]
Is it? Oof, it's Barnabus.
I, I texted him yesterday with some questions about the rewrite.
Yeah.
So, what'd he say? He's going to Bali for six months on a spiritual cleanse.
He's putting "Meet Your Maker" on indefinite hold.
Oh, dude.
[suspenseful music playing.]
[keys clanging.]
["Lonely World" by Moses Sumney playing.]
[music intensifying.]
[phone pings.]
Lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely world Casts a shadow On the shallow love it hurls To the feet of swine It need not cast its pearls [phone vibrating.]
[phone continues vibrating.]
Fuck.
[excitedly.]
Carly? Hi.
Oh, my God! It's so nice to meet you.
I am such a fan.
Oh.
Really? Well, uh, thank you.
"Sluts" is amazing.
I am full-on obsessed with it! Anyway, Andrew's ready for you.
I'll take you back.
[heels clicking.]
Not to geek out on you or anything, but I have been looking forward to you coming in all week.
Andrew, the exec you're meeting with, is super savvy and smart.
He really gets it.
That's great.
You know that scene in episode one, where your boyfriend gets all emo about about your vibrator? The other day, I actually caught my boyfriend unplugging my bullet while he thought I was asleep.
For real! Sabotaging your girlfriend's vibrator battery is the modern-day chastity belt.
You're so fucking funny.
I love you.
Oh, thanks.
So, just FYI, Andrew actually hasn't had time to watch your show yet.
Wait what? But don't worry.
Me and all the other assistants love you so fucking much, we told him, "Are you kidding me?" "You have to meet with her.
" [nervous giggle.]
Here we are.
Now go in there, and knock it out of the park.
[heels clicking away.]
[whispering.]
Oh, my God.
OK Hey [Airiel's "You Against the Rest of Us" playing.]
Excuse me? Thank you.
[phone ringing.]
- Hello? - WOMAN: Ford? Hi, Mom.
How are you doing, sweetheart? Not so good.
Oh no, what's the matter, baby? Severine.
She She We-we broke up today.
Oh, honey.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank you, Mom.
So, how are how are you and Dad doing? Well sweetheart, that's actually why I'm calling.
ULYSSES: That is so whack.
Even by our world's dubious standards.
ULYSSES: Did he ask you to pee on him? Not fucking funny.
ULYSSES: Sorry.
I was really counting on Starz to save my ass from a future of endless camming sessions.
I know.
That fucking blows.
CARLY: Anyway How you doin'? Horrible.
But at least I'm so stoned that I can't feel anything besides a violent urge to ransack a 7-Eleven for some Funyuns.
CARLY: Well, traffic's so bad I won't be home for, like, 100 hours, so, uh, if you wanna stop by later, though, we can give ourselves mani-pedis and watch the death episode of 13 Reasons Whyagain.
It's a date.
FORD: Hello? Sev? I don't know why you haven't returned any of my calls because I really, really need to talk to you before you leave.
I just got off the phone with my mom, and she gave me, like, the worst news ever.
So just just please call me back when you get this, OK? Please.
OK, goodbye.
WOMAN: Ford? Cleopatra? What are you doin' here? What are you doing here? This is my neighborhood bar.
- I'm meeting some friends here later.
- Oh.
I've just I've had I've had, like, a really bad day.
Oh, no, Ford.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's OK.
I'm gonna be all right.
[sobbing.]
[sighs.]
FORD: So, then, on top of everything else, my mom calls and tells me she and my dad just found out that their financial planner is involved in some kind of Bernie Sanders Fonzie scheme.
You mean Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme? Yeah.
So, anyway, they lost all of their money, and now they can't help me pay the rent or give me my allowance.
So, as of this moment, I am totally screwed over in the money department, too.
It's like my whole life is going down the toilet.
[makes a popping sound.]
I don't mean to bum you out with all my problems.
Are you kidding me? I'm here to listen.
[moaning.]
[moaning and panting.]
Is that the gear shift? No, it's an automatic.
[unzips his pants.]
Oh, fuck.
It's even better in real life.
Oh, thank you.
Oh! Oh, shit! [moaning continues.]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
Stop.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What's wrong? I don't I can't, I can't.
I can't.
Oh, it feels so good, but it's just it's too soon.
Are you sure? It might help you feel better.
Aw, you think? Uh-huh.
Just close your eyes and relax.
Mm, I don't know.
Don't worry, baby.
You're gonna love it.
I promise.
Oh, f [Cleopatra slurping.]
[moaning and panting.]
Oh, Cleopatra.
[moaning and panting continues.]
Ah, no! No, no, no, no! I'm sorry! And I really like you, and you're really pretty, and my dick really, really, reallywants to, - but I can't! - Aah! [panting.]
[panting continues.]
[sobbing.]
ULYSSES: Hello? I-I don't mean you any harm.
I'm I'm not a robber or anything.
I just wanna talk.
[music intensifies.]
Aah! Please, please, please! Please don't hurt me! Please! Please! Jesus! What do you want? I have some questions.
And and I just want some answers.
[eerie music intensifying.]
[car skidding.]
[car crashing.]
[indistinct chatter from outside.]
[cell phone ringing.]
[cell phone continues ringing.]
[locks phone.]
HOMELESS MAN: It's over.
ULYSSES: What do you mean? I can't go on like this.
I was like you.
I had a life.
A girlfriend.
An apartment.
Did a few commercials.
Then, one night, they came.
Was having a rough patch.
I got evicted.
My girlfriend broke up with me.
So, I was hammered walking out of this bar.
That was the first time they got me.
Who? The Aliens.
And ever since then, they keep coming back.
They keep fucking me over and over.
And they won't stop.
I beg them.
I say "Please, no more.
" "No more.
" But they just keep fucking me.
But that's not even the worst part.
About six months later the babies come out.
[sobbing.]
I can't do it anymore.
I just can't.
[electrical buzzing.]
Here.
Wha what? Kill me.
[buzzing and crackling.]
What? Kill me.
I can't go on living like this.
No, no, I mean, no! What are you talking about? Please! Kill me! Anything is better than this.
I'm begging you.
No.
Oh, my God! No! What Just do it! Please! Kill me! [music intensifies.]
Please! [muffled struggling.]
Please do it.
- Please! - Please! No! Stop, are you crazy? Get off me! [screaming.]
[sizzling.]
[shooting fireworks.]
[panting.]
[plane taking off.]
LARS: Is everything all right? Yes.
Can you inform the pilot we're ready to take off? We've got important work to do.
[plane engine running.]
FORD: No.
Don't Sev, don't No, Sev, don't go.
FORD: No, Sev, don't.
No.
[sobs.]
Oh, my God, Sev.
No, no [ominous decrescendo.]
Aah! Aah! Holy sh No, no [upbeat instrumental playing.]
[grunts.]
CARLY: Um, are you still coming over later, or what? Just let me know.
[banging on the door.]
[banging increases.]
Fuck.
[banging continues.]
What do you want? I really need to talk to you.
- Are you gonna let me in? - You're drunk.
There's no point in us having a conversation right now.
[whining.]
Carly.
I'm serious.
Just go home, Jethro.
We can talk like two adults tomorrow when you're sober.
Fight, fight, fight.
All we ever do is fight.
You know what we need? We need to cleanse this relationship of negative energy.
Do you have any sage? Seriously, Jethro! Go home.
OK, you know what? I I really didn't want to do it like this, but you leave me no choice.
Do what? I'm done.
Jethro.
This relationship it's not good for me, or for you at this point.
Wait You're breaking up with me? Yes.
MAN: Ulysses.
JETHRO: Well, Mommy Thanks for the lame-o advice.
Mm? Carly dumped me.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, she's out of her fucking mind.
Ah, I love her.
I love her.
She's my everything.
I gotta go.
I gotta go do some, like some, like, breathing exercises.
I feel like I'm about to throw up.
I love you, Mommy.
Mm-hmm.
Kisses.
OK.
Mwah, OK.
OK, I will see you.
Bye.
[cell phone beeps.]
[sighs.]
[drops keys.]
Fuck.
["The Beginning of the End" by Nine Inch Nails playing.]
W-W-W-W-What the f-f-f? What the fuck? You wait your turn, you'll be last in line No, no! No! No! Aah! This is the beginning God helps the ones that can help themselves This is the beginning May be too late as far as I can tell This is the beginning We think we've come so far On all our lives we depend Facing our consequence This is the beginning of the end