Reaper s01e10 Episode Script

Oh, killing spree! Sammy, you can't escape the fire bomb.
- Cannot escape the fire bomb.
- Shut up.
Sock, remember what I told you about keeping your eyes off the screen? - Game over.
- Damn it, Ben! You are too good.
I know.
Want to run it back again? I can't.
I gotta get home.
My mom's waterproofing the basement.
I gotta help her.
Whatever.
Stopped listening to you like a year ago.
- Later, guys.
- Move, Sam! Damn it! Eat it! Eat it, Benny! Sorry I'm late.
Another death in the family.
Oh, my god.
Are--are you ok? I'm fine.
It was my goldfish, Walter.
Is I'm terrible at keeping animals.
My backyard's like a pet cemetery.
There's only one thing to do in a situation like this.
Do a shot of really bad whisky.
- To Walter.
- To Walter.
Ooh, hang on.
As long as we're drinking to him I wasn't gonna do this, 'cause I was afraid you'd think I was weird Is that Walter? I just didn't want to leave him alone before I buried him.
- Ok.
To Walter.
- To Walter.
So I missed you today.
Did you do anything fun at work? Yeah, I This is weird.
I'm gonna go flush him.
You're adorable.
Just wanted you to know that.
Sammy, Sammy.
- Hello, Sam.
- Guys! I thought you were waterproofing the basement tonight.
- Nice try.
- How did you find me? We followed you, Sam.
Ben drove here with his headlights off the entire time.
It was very stressful.
We know what you're up to, Sam.
We saw you with Beelzebabe.
- All right, keep your voices down.
- Why? Sam, what's a matter? You afraid someone might hear me talking about you dating the devil's daughter? - She's not the devil's daughter! - Her mother was his girlfriend.
That doesn't prove anything.
She's not related to the devil.
- Why are you keeping her from us? - Because I knew you'd act like this.
Did you ask her about her father? Ask her what? "Hey, are you the spawn of satan?" - Come on, Ben, this is retarded.
- I'm asking her.
- Out of your own good.
- No, you're not.
- Asking her.
- No, you're not.
End of story.
Shut it.
- Hey, what's up? - Hey, you.
Cady Hansen, this is Sock and Ben.
It's nice to meet you guys.
Do you want a drink? It's on me.
Ok Yes.
I will drink on you.
You--you want to dance? Want to-- Let's get out of here.
What about my drink? I'm--I'm sorry about them.
What? Oh, they're nice.
They're your best friends? - They look after you? - I guess.
So do you think they're a bit overprotective? - I wouldn't say that.
- I would.
Season 1, Episode 10 Cash Out One quart of 5w30 motor oil, complete with easy-pour spout.
Nope.
2 cents.
This beautiful squeegee-scraper $3.
50.
I'm sorry, we're looking for 2 cents, Ben.
2 cents.
I do not how this company turns a profit.
Come on down! Another contestant just in time for the lightning round! Yeah.
So shelly in lighting told me that you two did a little slow dancing last night at the bar.
Was it your anniversary? We were doing recon work.
Ok? We were staking out Sam's new girl.
Sam has a new girl? He didn't tell me.
Well, he didn't tell us, either, so Well, that's weird.
I mean, - why would he keep it a secret? - We have our theories.
So what's wrong with her? She's a huge fan of Lionel Richie.
Isn't that messed up? - Ooh, yeah.
- All night long! We think she's the spawn of satan.
- Later.
- Andi, come on-- Some people are just blind of the truth.
- Cady, hey.
- What are you wearing? The usual.
I don't Nice.
I just got out of the shower.
Just toweling off, thinking about you.
Really? I like to walk around naked most of the time.
Feel the air on my skin.
You know what else I like to do? Nope.
When I really get in the mood, I like to bite the head off of a live chicken.
- Wh-what? - Turn around.
- Oh, that was--oh! - Come on, man, admit it.
- I totally hosed you.
- Please don't do that again! Oh, Sammy, seriously, Cady? My ex's daughter? What is it, some weirdo way of trying to get close to me? - What are you doin'? - Not talkin' about it with you.
I don't understand the attraction.
She's gorgeous.
Well, yeah, in a cheap kind of a way.
Hey, buddy, I tapped that gene pool.
It's a bust.
Oh, god.
- Here's your latest dossier.
- Oh, I can't wait.
tunneled under 2 city blocks.
They broke into the beakman savings bank.
They ran off with $10 million.
Would have gotten away with it, too, except for the fact that they were total morons.
Thaddeus Johnson, Paul Huang.
They got into a fight over the money, and they shot each other dead.
And the kicker? Nobody ever figured out where they hid the money.
It's still missing? Not anymore.
That little pied a terre cost a mere $4 million, paid for in cash by Johnson.
Recently escaped from hell.
It's a bit gaudy, don't you think? I guess money doesn't buy you taste.
- So that's it? - Yep.
Johnson is stupid, but not violent.
Should be a quickie.
- A quickie, right, Sam? - Knock it off! So what do we do if the soul's not home? We wait till he comes back.
Well, what if your girlfriend misses you, Sam? Or do you have a secret rendezvous planned for after you finish working for her father? - Will you cut it out? - No, I will not.
Not until we find out whether Cady's the devil's daughter for sure.
We need proof.
Yeah, he doesn't want to baby-sit your kids with horns.
Yeah, you're not going to have to worry about that, because I would never let you baby-sit my kids.
- Smart.
- Hey, a light came on.
Get the vessel! Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
Hello.
Good evening to you, sir.
We are from the Work Bench.
I didn't call anyone.
Actually, the city sent us out.
You recently bought this house, and we're here to test for radon in your foundation.
Sir, you are definitely living the life.
So you need to check the, uh--what'd you say? Now, now, now! Do it now, do it now, do it now Sam! It's not working! Hurry, hurry, hurry! Did you guys see that? Did he just Did he - It's locked.
- Let's go! Go, go, go! - Right here, right here! - He's right there! There he goes, there he goes! It's not working! Here, come on, come on! Step aside, boys! - Ok, whoa! - Wait, wait! Wait.
I can make you rich.
Wait.
Look.
Let me free, and all this money is yours.
There's three of you, right? Huh? Well, there is plenty for everyone.
You guys could have a lot of fun with this.
And wait.
There's more.
I'm not goin' back.
- That's it? - Yeah.
That guy sucked! Guys This is it.
This is the rest of the money Johnson and his partner killed each other over.
Hey, Gladys.
Can I place the vessel on the mat? Place the vessel on the mat.
Is something wrong? Rejected? Hold on, what does that mean? If you wish to appeal the rejection, fill out form 23-7.
Typical response time is 6 to 8 weeks.
What am I supposed to do with this in the meantime? Really, really, you're gonna put up a sign in front of me and pretend I'm not here? Gladys, come on! Hell is like the worst run business ever.
Won't let me turn in the soul.
Oh.
So that's what $6 million looks like, huh? I was gonna get naked and roll around in it, but I didn't shower today.
I didn't want to - get the money dirty.
- Thank you for that.
Know what we need to do? We should buy 3 fighter jets.
Maverick, ice man, goose.
Whoa, goose died.
I don't want to be goose.
No, Sock, this isn't our money.
Ice, you are killing me with this attitude.
All right, if this isn't ours, whose is it? Hey, we risked our lives to nab the soul.
I mean, we're entitled to spend it.
No, that money is stolen.
It still is stolen.
Oh, my god! All right, fine, Sam! You don't want us to have any of this beautiful money? All right.
Ok, good.
I'm takin' this.
Sock, you hate alarm clocks! I know! You're making me crazy, Sam! Ok, you cannot-- you cannot put 6 million bones in front of this man's face and then just take it away.
It's not right! I'm broke.
So I talked to my mom today.
- She loves New Mexico.
- That's great.
Already got a new boyfriend.
I think she just hates being alone.
Your parents still together? That's great, having a normal family.
Yeah, I wouldn't call them normal.
But they're happy.
Do you ever talk to your dad? Never knew him.
He was a musician.
My mom met him on the road.
What kind of musician? It's kinda funny.
My mom was a backup singer for Huey Lewis.
She dated one of the band members for a while, and here I am.
Does that mean you're a part of the news? Can we talk about something else? Yeah, yeah, of course.
I'm sorry.
It's just always been a little weird for me.
Growing up, people would ask me about my dad, and just look at me like I was a freak.
Cady, you're not a freak.
Hey, how about replacing Walter? - Yeah? - Yeah.
All right.
And if you want to thank me by naming it Sam, that's totally cool.
Pick one.
That one.
- He looks lonely.
- He's all yours.
- Jerry, you're still open? - Yeah, we're open.
So what's the deal with this TV? Well, this is a, uh, flat paneled plasma widescreen, aspect-ratio, and an incredible for an arresting viewing experience.
It's good.
You're just reading the sign.
- Yeah.
I am.
- You're an idiot.
Where does that guy get off? They don't pay you enough to take that kind of abuse.
All right, listen, if you're here to bug me about the soul, forget it.
My job is done.
Gladys wouldn't take the vessel.
That's because the vessel was only half-full.
Or half-empty, if you're catholic.
Now this is a security tape from the Fidelity Central Bank.
This happened last week after Johnson escaped from hell.
Now, this is the really cool part, Sam.
Johnson had a partner.
Also escaped from hell.
And that's him, Paul Huang.
All right, so I'm not done until I get the second soul.
Well, don't say it like that.
He has the same exact powers of the guy you just caught.
Piece of cake.
Except for the fact that Huang was the dangerous one.
You know, one time in Tacoma, he cut down a whole bank full of innocent bystanders.
- Oh, my god.
- Hey.
Easy on the "G" word, buddy.
It's rude! When are you going to stop being a weenie and spend some of that cash? That money's stolen.
from a bank that had insurance.
It's a victimless crime.
Now, this next part, it's a little hard to watch.
Well, so much for a victimless crime.
Better get cracking, Sammy.
Guys, hey.
I just had a visit with the devil.
We have another problem.
He-- Are you wearing a track suit? Maybe.
All right, all right, ok, all right.
We broke into your room and we took a little bit of money, and we spent it.
- All right, now don't yell.
- What did you guys buy? Health insurance.
- Platinum belt buckle.
- Sock! All right, now, I know what you're gonna say.
"No, we can't spend any of the money!" Yeah, because that's exactly how I sound.
Well, Sam, bottom line is, that is our money.
All right, let me tell you a little story.
There was these guys who knocked off a federal reserve bank.
And for a while, they spent the money and they lived the life, until they turned on each other and they killed themselves over it.
Is that what we want? To kill ourselves over track suits and a belt buckle? No, Sam, that won't happen to us.
That's cool.
We don't spend any more money.
Thank you.
Come on, yahootie.
Right here.
Come here.
Brotherhood.
You should keep that suit, though.
You have never looked faster.
- Thank you.
- All right, we have more work to do.
Come here.
Johnson's partner got out of hell, a guy named Huang.
- Wang? - Huang.
He's robbing banks again.
- What do we know about this guy? - Nothing.
Ok, I'll check old reports on the bank robbery and see if maybe something comes up with this Wang guy.
- All right, good.
- All right, good.
- Uh, Sam? - Yeah? I know that we just agreed right now not to spend any more of the money, but, um I bought more than just this belt buckle.
What else? Oh, my god.
You gotta be kidding me.
What--what is all this?! Ok, ok, ok.
Do you remember a few years back when there was a fire at Josie's apartment? Yeah, right before you guys broke up.
Do you remember that it was around the time when I was exploring my feminine side? No.
Well, mostly I was into jasmine-scented candles.
Did you burn down Josie's apartment? It's a dark part of my life, Sam.
I'm not proud of it anymore, ok? This is everything that either burnt up or melted down in the fire.
Are you--are you gonna make me - take it all back? - No.
You were trying to do something nice.
But this is where we draw the line, all right? - This is it! - Absolutely.
This is it.
Are you trying to get back together with Josie? What? I-- I am trying to make amends, Sam, ok? And if she chooses to thank me in a naked or partially naked way, well, that's ok, too.
I'll take it.
Guys, I found a link to Huang.
Yeah.
There was a third robber, an inside man, at the bank.
Holy crap.
We have to capture him, too? Nope, he's alive.
Rick Forester, the bank manager, the only guy they caught, and he got sentenced for 10 years.
Which means he's already out of jail.
And I found him, and he works at a donut shop.
Ding! Let's go.
Excuse me.
Sir, do you happen to know a Rick Forester? Are you guys friends of his? No.
Good.
That guy is a piece of work.
Ok, the cops came in here this morning - and took him away.
- Why? Something about a bank robbery.
Guess that's what I get for hiring a parolee.
- Uh, is he coming back? - No idea.
Ok, well, if he does, can you have him contact us, please? - Thank you.
- Why don't you bag up a doz? Damn it.
I know.
That guy didn't help.
No, there's no jelly in this.
I paid top dollar for this donut.
There's not an ounce of jelly in here.
So what do we do now? We stake out some banks? No point until they open on Monday.
Hey, what time is it? Oh, let me guess.
Cady again? Man, why are you guys acting like this? What? We're just looking out for your well-being, Sam.
Well, how do I get that to stop? Well, is there any way you can prove she's not the devil's daughter? What? mark of the devil.
If Cady is the devil's daughter, she'll have that mark on her body.
Like from that movie, The Omen.
Well, it's actually from the Book of Revelations.
They stole that? Why can't anything be original anymore? So you want to check Cady to see if she has the mark of the devil on her body? - Exactly.
- Ok.
If that'll prove it to you, how? I think I know how.
This is a great hot tub, Sock.
Yeah, thanks, I know.
Hottubbing is a passion of mine.
But why is it in your front yard? Why would I put something this awesome in the backyard? Privacy? Privacy's for idiots.
I know what would be fun.
Let me-- Let me-- sorry, let me use this braiding technique I have that I used on Ben.
He has a really delicate touch.
So, uh Cady, hi.
Why don't you, tell us a little something about yourself? You know, your hopes, your dreams.
Your wishes, your desires.
Did you ever eat an animal-- Did you ever spontaneously burst into flames? Ok, you know-- I am just trying to figure out what makes our lady friend here tick.
No, no, it's ok.
Sam, um, can I talk to your friends alone? - A-alone, why? - It's important.
They're all yours.
Just don't stay in too long.
You guys will shrivel up.
Not into braiding, huh? Guys, I know what you're doing.
You want to protect your friends! Ok, I think that's really cute.
And I promise-- I promise, I'm not trying to steal him from you guys.
I am no Yoko.
No, you're much less asian than Yoko.
I just really like Sam, and I want you guys to like me, too.
So what do I have to do to make you trust me? There is one thing.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Ask anything.
- Anything? - Yes.
Ok.
I recognize that this request may make you uncomfortable.
We need to see you naked.
Ok, so you guys see me naked, and then problem solved.
Hey, don't get me wrong, we are not asking because we want to, we're asking because we have to.
Right.
And we're sorry that it has to come to this, and we wouldn't ask if it wasn't incredibly important.
That's true.
Ok.
But I get to see you naked, too.
Fair, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I just gotta velcro all this stuff.
- She's devil-free.
- Congratulations.
- So there's no mark? - No, nothing.
She's perfect.
Literally, perfect.
In fact, she's so perfect, I kind of hate you for it right now, and I want to punch you in the neck.
So that would mean she is-- Devil-free, naked, alone in the hot tub.
- Oh, my god.
- Which means I should-- - Yeah.
- Right.
I just talked to donut man.
He just got out of jail and he wants to talk to us.
Let's do it.
So, prison, huh? Bummer.
Did you at least get to play a lot of hoops? There's nothing fun about prison, son.
Especially when you don't belong there.
So you're saying you didn't rob the bank with Johnson and Huang? - Does it matter what I say? - Well, Mr.
Forester, we're really interested in hearing your side of the story.
a bank manager.
Wife and kids, made a good living.
In my whole life, I never stole so much as a mint from a restaurant.
- Aren't they free? - Shut up, Sock.
But I did have a gambling problem.
That's how I got mixed up with Johnson and Huang.
Kept running into them in the high stakes games.
They seemed like fun guys.
Until the night Huang puts a gun to my head.
Why would he do that? They'd been setting me up.
They forced me to unlock my bank and open up the vault.
Nobody believed I wasn't in on it.
- Not even my family.
- That's terrible.
Tell me about it.
Marcy got remarried.
My kids don't know who the hell I am.
Forester, back on register.
All I got left is donuts.
Think Forester's telling the truth, he's really innocent? Yeah, it seems like it.
- His life is pretty ruined.
- I don't know.
Probably gets free donuts, right? At least a little discount.
I wonder if Huang is still into big-time poker.
I mean, there might be a way to track him.
Didn't Ted used to gamble? Yeah, he was addicted to it.
So he probably knows where the high-stakes games are.
Uh, you guys are gonna have to do that on your own.
I got something to take care of.
- Hey, pookie.
- No.
Whatever it is you're selling, no.
Oh, well, nice to see you, too.
I mean it, Sock.
I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I'm really not in the mood for this.
- Where did you get this? - Where'd I get it? Uh look, look.
This was destroyed in the fire.
Look, look.
Flannel cupcake pajamas, all right? with diffuser accessory.
Oh, that weird, stinky bean pillow thing that smells like bread.
Here you go.
That's jumbles, remember? - Did you steal this? - What? This is thousands of dollars worth of stuff, Sock.
Is it stolen merchandise? How dare you! Where'd you get the money to pay for all this stuff, Sock? I saved, Josie.
I saved my little pennies because I felt bad.
But now I can see I should have kept the money for myself, because you are ungrateful and mean.
And, and the cupcake pajamas make it look like you have a third butt cheek.
Good-night, Sock.
Hey, just to be clear, this noble gesture's not gonna end in sex for you! Or me.
Enter.
Hey, Ted, can we talk to you for a second? Well, you can talk.
The question is, will I answer? We came for some advice.
Yeah, we need your guidance.
If someone wanted to, let's say, gamble Go on.
But I mean, really gamble, with a lot of money, where might one go to do that? I can see that monkey clinging to your back, and it pains me.
There's no monkey, Ted.
There was once a boy, not unlike you, who went down that sweet path of easy money.
He had life by the tail.
The whole world was wide open to him.
His cards were smooth Ted, we know you don't gamble anymore.
But can you just tell us where the big games are, any place the high rollers might play? The highest stakes game in the city is in Chinatown.
But even if I told you where, you still couldn't get in.
It's a little above your pay grade, sonny.
You need at least $10,000 just to walk in the door, and I-- We got that covered, Ted.
Stake me, and I'll take you there myself.
Look familiar? Yeah, I remember that, sure.
Sock gave that to you.
And he just gave it to me again today.
Remember that fire that he set in my apartment? This morning, he just replaced everything that burned up.
This is just the latest weirdness.
Sam, too, if you haven't noticed.
Yeah, I'd have to be blind not to.
I mean, the weird behavior, the ducking out of work all the time.
Showing up at the courthouse asking about cases.
Something is up.
It's ok, they're with me.
And who are you? A high roller, and that's all you need to know.
Uh, name's Ben.
Ben Franklin.
Perhaps you've heard of me.
Here's my card, all right? I could have done that.
Nobody told me you were allowed to bribe.
Wow, would you look at this? Free booze, hot asian chicks everywhere, and the whole place smells like grease.
- I am home.
- Slow, savor.
When entering a poker room, it is essential to assess one's surroundings, take a moment to-- Smell the action.
Over here, we have the low stakes tables.
Down there, you have the big daddy high rollers.
Hey, bogey on radar.
- Copy that.
- Hey, dick-wit! - What? - Oh, hey, Pete! - I want my money! - Oh, I can't! You wouldn't be at a high roller game without a stake.
Now where is it? Pete, that's $10,000.
I only owe you 1,200.
I get extra for pain and suffering.
Oh, fellas, I am pooped.
So I'm gonna let you guys take it from here.
So, Peter, it was really nice--ok? So, who's up for a friendly game of cards? All our raises are forward, sir.
Raise 2,000.
Evil guy hasn't budged in like an hour.
I'm losing my shirt here.
Yeah, he'll have to take a leak eventually, and then we'll get him.
No.
I'm gonna shake him up a bit.
All right, boys, listen up.
I'm lettin' it ride.
Letting it ri-ide.
It's not your bet, sir.
My bet, your bet, what's the difference? Friendly gam huh? And besides, if anybody at the table doesn't like the way this little poker dog barks, they can leave.
Isn't that right? Take back your chips.
For you, I will.
Because you remind me of Mr.
Sulu, who I love, a lot.
Yeah, um, I'm low on chips, so, uh Can I get 10 "Gs"? - $10,000.
- Give me a break.
Finally.
- Let's move.
- Let's move.
Excuse me, excuse me.
You go on in, I'll grab the stall next to him and let loose with the vessel.
He's back in hell, we get out of here without our fingers broken.
- I like it.
- Ok.
Oh, Ben, Ben! Benny! I let go, he turns solid and the wall cuts him in two.
Makes a hell of a mess.
- What do you want? - The soul catcher.
Now.
Ok, ok, ok, ok! Here, here.
- Now I'll take my money.
- Uh, excuse you? - Your money? - Sock! You idiot! from beakman savings.
Oh, it didn't come from your piggy banks.
- Where's the rest? - Let Ben go first.
You have 45 minutes to bring me the rest of my money or little Benny here dies.
it's gonna take an hour at least! Tick, tick, tick, tick Ben! Ben! Ben! Drop them and back away.
No, no.
First give us our friend.
I seem to be holding the high card.
Let's do it my way.
No.
No! That wall's steel reinforced concrete.
No oxygen in there.
How long can your buddy hold his breath? I-I don't know! Let's try this again.
Give me the bags.
Screw this.
What do you think you're doing? The soul's already got the vessel.
He's just gonna kill us the minute he gets the money.
Why give him the satisfaction, huh? Look at that! - Oh, Sam-sammy! - Right?! Oh, please, you're trying to bluff a poker player.
That's embarrassing! It's devil money, all right? It's cursed! Hey, Sam, I'm so sorry! I'll take back the track suit.
No! This money will never ruin another life.
No, don't Sam! It ends here! Sam! - Underpants.
- My underpants.
My brave underpants.
That was some primo acting, Sammy.
"This is the devil's money, it's cursed!" No, but honestly, you two scared the crap out of me.
That was the only way to get the vessel back.
You know, I didn't like that guy.
I mean, who the hell does that, dragging a man through the walls? Wasn't cool.
You hear me? It wasn't cool! All right, ok.
Listen, we take this money, we buy ourselves some beach property with one of those little infinity pools in the front.
The devil's smart.
There's a reason he was so keen on getting us to spend this.
He knew this much cash would eventually corrupt us, make us turn on each other, just like the bank robbers.
Nah, that would never happen.
Actually, he's right.
I I had sort of planned on buying a record label and not letting you guys in on it.
- What?! - I didn't do it.
So who gets the cash? Somebody who deserves it a lot more than we do.
Damn it! Great.
Hold your water.
Quit this crappy job.
All right, you gotta leave.
- I'm meeting somebody here.
- Who? Cady? Good-bye.
Yes.
What, are you gonna take her out on the town? Oh, wait, you can't.
You're poor.
What can I say? I thought Forester deserved the money.
I did the right thing.
You know, you sounded just like Jimmy Stewart for a second.
I have chills.
Would you like to take a little glimpse into Mr.
Forester's future? A year-long gambling binge in South America.
And all that money's gone, and he'll be homeless by next Christmas.
Now, do you still feel good about yourself? - Hey, Sam.
- Cady, hey.
Um, this-- - Hi, Jerry.
- Cady.
- How's your mom? - She's great Since she dumped you.
First round is on me.
Good-night.
I forgot you knew that guy.
What, are you guys friends or something? No.
No, no, no, definitely not.
He, uh He knows my dad.
Dad.
Is Is something wrong? Sam, I lied to you.
I'm not actually the daughter of Huey Lewis' bandmate.
Ok The truth is, I have no idea who my real father is.
And there's this weird period where my mom said my dad might actually be Jerry.
No.
No, no, that's not possible.
The thought of me being his kid Listen to me, you-- You don't have one thing in common with that guy.
All right, he's bitter, cynical, hurtful.
You, you're funny.
You have a huge heart.
You love people and animals and Huey Lewis.
This hand does not contain one scrap of that guy's DNA.
I'd stake my life on that.
You're an amazing, awe-inspiring boyfriend.