Samantha Who? s01e10 Episode Script

A little science lesson : Listen up, then you can have a snack.
One type of memory is motor memory, or muscle memory.
How even an amnesiac can still work a toothbrush, dial a phone or even skip a rope.
Then there's something called emotional memory.
Things your body just knows, like "don't touch fire.
" Or "I really like this guy.
" Hey, you two.
Sam, what you doing ? Oh, double Dutch.
How about you ? What have you been up to ? Oh, you know, playing a lot of jacks.
Hmm.
- I haven't seen you in forever.
- No, I know.
I know.
So how are you ? How's Chloe ? Good.
So anyway - Yeah, we should get together.
- Oh ! Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, whatever.
Yeah, it's casual.
- Right.
- All right.
Excuse me, ladies.
- Ooh ! - Stop it.
Stop it.
- It's nothing.
It's nothing.
- Girls ? - Ooh ! - Shh ! God ! Hey, Mom ! Mom ! You got a package from the Is it here already ? It's my Natural Face Limited Edition Deluxe one-hundred-piece Home Makeup Kit.
I was afraid I missed out.
They only make a million of these.
And it's a good thing your dad's off at that poultry conference.
It's a perfect time for us to do makeovers.
Mmm You know what ? It's also the perfect time to not do makeovers.
How often in history does that happen ? - Hello ? Oh, hi, Todd, how are you ? - Hmm ! - Samantha's not home yet.
- Give it.
- Do makeovers with me.
- Have you no pride ? Like me to have her call you if I ever see her ? OK.
Yes.
Tomorrow night.
OK.
Oh, wait, she just walked in.
Hey, you.
Listen, I made too much chili, and you used to love my chili, - so if you're not doing anything - Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, why do they call it chili when it's so hot ? You know what I mean ? Um That would be great.
I would love to eat your chili.
I'll see you later.
OK.
- Ooh ! - Stop.
He has a girlfriend.
Really ? Then why isn't he making her dinner ? Because he likes me ! Hello ? Hello ? Oh, good.
Yeah.
So listen, um You know, you and I, we've been getting along well lately.
Yes, we have.
And here I am, living at your place by myself.
I know.
And there you are, living with your parents.
It's crazy, right ? Wait, are you saying Are you asking If Chloe can move in with me.
Chloe ! Yeah, of course that's what you meant ! Doh ! - So you're OK with it ? - Are you kidding ? Yeah.
Get that girl in here.
Yeah.
It is your apartment, why didn't you just tell him no ? I did say no.
It just happened to come out as, "Get that girl in here !" Oh What is wrong with me ? What's wrong with you is you're a big old dumb blank slate.
Please, ask me next time you want to make any more of these stupid moves.
- What do I do about Todd ? - Todd is not the problem, Chloe is.
If you want him back, get rid of her.
Yeah, well, how could I do that ? Wait, that came out wrong.
How could I do that ? The same as you always did.
When you wanted a guy, you had 50 ways to make the girlfriend disappear.
The one where you take a hotel matchbook, write your number on it, stick it in his pocket.
- The one with the wine.
- The wine ! Mmm.
That's him.
Samantha likey.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Is that your boyfriend over there ? Yes.
Why ? Yeah, because he just sent over this bottle of wine to me and my friend.
What ? I know.
Oh, God, I hate to tell you this, but we're on the same team, right ? I'm sorry.
Guys suck.
Oh.
Don't wait for me, I have a ride.
Oh, Daddy.
She's awesome.
No ! You know what ? That is awful.
No.
I'm just going to leave them alone.
Now with Chloe living there, it'll be easy.
No, this is good.
This is good.
Because want him or not, I'm going to take the high road.
Angelina.
Angelina ? - Hello, Ms.
Newly.
- Hi, Audrey.
She's from my apartment.
She's the Board president.
I saw a woman moving into your apartment last night.
Really ? Wow.
Already ? Yeah, that's my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend.
She's moving in with him, which would bother most people, but not me.
Well, it should.
Because subletting is forbidden and grounds for eviction.
Well, yeah.
That is why I don't sublet.
See you.
Hey.
Psst.
I'm going to have to call you later.
Say it.
"Andrea.
" Say it right.
Hi.
Sorry to bother you guys, I just need to move in with you.
OK ? And my stuff's here anyway.
- Unless you took all the drawers.
- OK.
Hey, thanks again.
I know that this is awkward for you guys.
It's fine.
It's just until you convince Audrey Rhodes you're living here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course, unless Chloe wants to put on a blonde wig and walk around acting all forgetty.
No.
But it's fine.
Welcome to our home.
Which I own.
But Aah ! Anyway, now I am going to I'm gonna buy Marvin Gardens.
What ? What is it ? Nothing.
Nothing.
It's Inside joke.
Marvin Gardens ! I don't think I'm going to buy it.
Oh, no ? Well maybe Mr.
Fuzzy will buy it.
My Buggy won it for me at a carnival.
Your Buggy won you a Fuzzy ? Yeah, isn't he cute ? Doesn't he look just like his daddy ? You know, it's weird.
I don't see it.
- He looks just like you.
- You know, we're being bad hosts.
- We don't need to do this here.
- Oh.
It's OK.
But thank you.
Yeah.
God, eh ! Let's go to bed.
- OK.
- Yeah.
That's better.
Mommy wants to play.
Hello ? Sam ? She's not here.
She's probably at a meeting of "Daughters Who Refuse To Do One Thing to Please Their Mothers Club.
" Oh.
OK.
Well, maybe I'll go find her there.
Dena ! - Your mother's dead.
- That's true.
And my daughter's out gallivanting.
You see how we're both suffering ? Very similar, yeah.
You were always like a second daughter to me.
Have I ever told you that ? You rarely speak to me.
You were a very special little girl.
And that Wonder Woman costume you wore throughout fifth grade proved it.
You remember that costume ? With the yellow wristbands ? You made me believe you could save the world.
I thought I could.
So, what kind of wine does Wonder Woman drink ? Cabernet or tequila ? No way that I could have slept up there.
I could deal with the Marvin Gaye, but then they start blasting Bolero.
OK, it's time to take this chick out.
- What's this ? - Plant these around the apartment.
Todd's going to kick that chick out in no time.
Herpes cream.
Stick it in the medicine cabinet.
I have an ovulation chart and an unopened ovulation kit.
OK, but look, Chloe hasn't done anything wrong.
You know ? And I'm not this person anymore, Andrea.
I'm not deceitful.
Hello, Ms.
Newly.
Hi, Audrey ! Yeah, just sitting in front of my building.
That I live in.
Little deceitful.
Just a tiny bit.
You have very steady hands.
You could have been a doctor's assistant.
OK, ready ? One.
Two.
Three.
Oh Look at me.
I haven't felt this pretty in a long time.
You ? You're the most beautiful woman in town.
Everyone thinks so.
Not everyone.
- Some think I'm almost beautiful.
- No.
Runner-up Miss Walnut Valley beautiful.
- You lost a beauty pageant ? - Mmm-hmm.
To Paula Drake, that bitch.
I never even got to give my acceptance speech.
- Speech ! Speech ! Speech ! Speech ! - Oh, it was so long ago.
I don't even think about it anymore.
- And to the new Miss Walnut Valley ! - Thank you.
Thank you for choosing me to represent you.
And I promise to work tirelessly to promote peace between the peoples of Vietnam and beauty and grooming wherever I may walk.
As your queen, I salute you ! Oh, my God.
I felt like you were speaking to me.
- OK, now you.
- What ? You have to tell a deep, dark secret or it's not fair.
Oh I don't know.
- Yes, you have to.
- Well, there's so many.
Something fun, like a dream that was crushed.
I've never told anyone I wanted to be an artist.
I spent weeks in my room alone drawing that turtle that was in the back of the magazine, and you'd submit it to an art school and see if you'd get accepted ? Honey, didn't you know that was a scam ? They just wanted your money.
They accepted everyone.
Not everyone.
Oh.
I hate that art school for ruining your dream.
I hate that Paula Drake for ruining your dream.
You know what the worst part is ? She lives two blocks away.
Every time I want to run out to the day-old bakery I have to see her house and that ridiculous rabbit statue on her lawn, - like she's better than everyone else.
- Let's TP her house ! - Oh Please.
- Yes.
- You talked me into it.
- Mmm-hmm.
You're very persuasive.
You could have been a lawyer's assistant.
Samantha.
Todd is mine.
Go near him and I'll destroy you.
Good morning, Sam ! How'd you sleep ? Good.
Yeah, I got a solid 15 minutes in.
I hope you're hungry, I made organic pecan pancakes.
Have some orange juice.
I squeezed it myself.
- Hmm.
- Have some.
It's delicious.
No, I will.
I will.
I'm just building up a thirst.
Oh, OK.
Oh ! Mmm ! - Really good orange juice.
- Chloe, Sam and I need to talk.
- Can you just give us a second ? - Yeah, sure.
- Todd - No, no.
No, me first.
- I know what happened last night.
- You do ? It's freaky, right ? - That girl is a whackadoo.
- She is ? - Yeah.
- You snuck in our room last night to say you were going to "take her down.
" You scared the crap out of her.
I'm sorry, what ? Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
So So Well - OK, then.
Thank you for a lovely - Please don't.
I am telling you, Todd, she threatened me ! OK ? I was asleep on the couch when I got a visit from the little freak fairy and she told me I had to stay away from you.
Oh just stop it, Sam.
You're so jealous you can't see that Chloe's a sweet, caring person.
Oh, boy, do you have a type ! What are you talking about ? I'm talking about that type ! The me type ! Because Chloe is just like me.
I mean not me now, but me then.
Bad me.
She is bad ! She got up early to make you breakfast because, for some reason, she still wants you to feel at home.
Trust me, Todd, if I was going to go after Chloe she wouldn't be able to make breakfast, all that would be left would be a blubbering mess.
Oh, my God ! - Look at what you did to my Fuzzy ! - What ? No.
There is no ill will between me and your Fuzzy ! - Todd - Sam, I know you have to stay here.
But keep out of our way and we'll keep out of yours.
- It's OK.
I will - He doesn't have a face.
I know, sweetheart, he'll have a face again.
You're lucky you don't have eyes because it is going to get ugly around here.
Hello ? I'll be right back, Todd, don't get too clean.
Ooh ! - Chloe ! - What are you doing ? Oh, God.
I'm going to be sick.
I always hate these scenes.
What have you done ? It just happened.
He was apologizing for how he talked to me, and then it turned into something else.
This can't be happening.
Todd ? You just need to calm down before you do something stupid.
Don't blame yourself.
You stepped into a situation where two people have something that you just can't compete with.
- Why would he do this to me ? - Because you're the rebound girl.
I mean, that never occurred to you ? Why don't you get out and go take a nice long walk to a friend's house.
Todd ! - What's going on here ? - Hey You took the hallway door from the shower.
Crafty.
Oh, my God, you are such a liar ! Me ? Oh, no, no, no, girly.
You're the liar ! You're the one who attacked your own Fuzzy because you are insecure and afraid ! Admit it.
I'm right ! Todd, she is completely insane.
I don't even feel safe here with her.
Oh, yeah ? What's that ? - What ? Let go of me ! - That's purple ink.
That's what that is ! That is the same color ink that we find on your little Fuzzy ! - Chloe ? - Hmm ? All right ! Yeah, I did it ! I just felt threatened by her because she's so beautiful and smart.
Oh, that's so not true ! Oh, wait.
Thank you.
You mean so much to me and having her around, I felt like I needed to compete and I can't compete.
- So if this is what you want - OK.
- There is no competition.
- Thank you.
Game over.
- That's it.
- I love you.
Yeah, that's right.
Let her down easy.
You know, soften the blow.
OK, that's soft enough.
Sam ? Just give us a minute ? - I found an ovulation kit in the trash ! - Sam, that's enough ! Fine ! Fine.
You love her.
That's great.
You know what I love ? I love getting the hell out of here ! That's what I love.
I love it so much that I'm just going to keep doing it over and over again.
Starting now ! Crap.
Todd ? Guys ? Hey.
Marvin Gardens ! Please.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Andrea's bringing me something to wear.
Thank you for the coat.
I'm sorry if it smells like perfume.
I could write a note to your wife, tell her we didn't have sex.
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
I think she'd like that.
Nice little place you got down here.
Little TV.
You know, there aren't enough interracial couples on TV.
- What show is this ? - That's us.
On the security camera.
Oh.
How do you not do this all day ? You know what ? Go home.
- I'll cover for you with Audrey Rhodes.
- Really ? You would do that for me ? Not for you, no.
But because that Chloe girl is an evil rag.
So you believe me ? You agree she's bad ? I don't think either one of you is any prize.
But I can only handle one rag at a time.
Thank you, Frank.
- Nope.
- I wouldn't do that.
OK, class, a quick review.
Muscle memory : Very helpful in remembering things you forgot.
But here's the thing, the heart is also a muscle.
Fortunately, the heart remembers the people who will always love you no matter what.
- Hi.
- Oh.
Hey.
Where did the turtle come from ? Uh I don't know.
Todd chose someone else.
Oh, honey.
I'm sorry.
I know that I have amnesia, but I really don't recall that rabbit being right there.
- That ? - Yeah.
It's always been there.
Now help me bury it in the backyard.
Please, give me Samantha.