Shoestring (1979) s01e10 Episode Script

A bright Monday morning, as if we needed reminding.
But what of it? You know what they say, if you stand tall enough on Monday, you can look over the shoulder of Tuesday and actually see Friday.
You coming in to see us, then? Mmm, just going around to get some petrol.
She is only running on force of habit at the moment.
- I'll see you in a minute, okay? - Okay.
Hello.
- Good morning, Sonia.
- Morning.
Hang about.
You can't dump all that stuff on me.
I was told to take it out of Studio Three and dump it here in the reception.
Not here, you don't.
Mr Satchley is a fanatic about front-of-house tidiness.
Even the air is freshened twice a day.
Come on, there's a cupboard in the Control Room.
Okay, now, a new one from Johnny Gee.
Let's hope he makes it with this one.
Thank you, Nick.
Six, please.
That's the tenth request for that punk record.
- Our listeners have no taste.
- No, Nick.
Hey! Dump them in here.
There's plenty of room.
- All right.
- Go and get the rest.
Please.
This has got to be the last time.
I told you.
Go on.
Report it to the police.
Sonia, your exchange is buzzing like mad.
- What? - Your phones.
I'm sorry, Mr Hoddle.
He doesn't seem to be answering at the moment.
Can I get him to call you back later? All right, I'll tell him.
Hello, Radio West.
Mr Satchley? Yes, I'm just putting you through.
Right, you're through.
There you are, Sonia.
All the latest for the Sunspot.
Thanks.
Filled your car up, did you? Right.
Oh, and my boss says to tell your travel presenter that the German musical festival takes place in Bayreuth, not Beirut.
He has slight lisp, even with Beirut.
Ex-public school.
It's an affectation.
- Everything okay with you these days? - Yes, fine, thanks.
How's Brian? Oh, he is working flat-out for his exhibition.
It's on, then? It opens in a week's time at the Arts Centre.
That's marvellous! - Hello, Radio West.
- See you, thanks.
I'm afraid he is out on an assignment at the moment.
Can Mr Owen help? Right.
Right, I'll tell him.
Bye-bye.
"Stay a good girl or else.
" We are really grateful to you for getting our money back, Mr Shoestring.
Too right, we are.
Our lucky day, when we heard about you on this.
It's my pleasure.
Just don't go falling for any more conmen.
- Right, sport.
- Bye.
Be seeing you.
Working hard on these mean streets, I see? Bonza, I ain't got no worries.
- I came to their rescue.
- You rescued them? They look as if they'd trample anyone to death who got in their way.
Here is the latest tape of calls for you.
- Hmm? Anything worthwhile? - No, not on there.
But I might have something for you.
- I'm glad we're out of the office.
- Oh, really? Well, Mr Satchley might object, me working for the radio station and everything.
What do you mean, you're my next client? No, not me.
Half a pint and an orange juice.
A friend.
Her name is Jenny Kelson.
She works in a travel agency, which gives us most of the material for our Sunspot programme.
It's this envelope plus something I saw from a window.
Have a look inside it.
I think she must have given it to me by mistake or I don't know but I think she may be in some sort of trouble.
If it had just been the £200, I wouldn't have thought too much about it.
But it was the note.
Well, how long have you known her? A year? 18 months? We have lunch together sometimes.
I hope you don't mind me landing you with it - but, well, knowing her and Yeah, I understand.
I mean, she's very nice, she is really.
She and her husband Brian.
Here you are, sir.
Seven days, six hotel nights and a scheduled flight there and back.
Great, thanks.
And Real Madrid have a home game on Sunday.
No, thanks.
I'll be at the bullfight.
Can I help you, sir? Yeah.
Isn't that footballer Bobby Treen, who plays for England? Yes, taking a well-earned rest after another strenuous 90 minutes.
No, actually, I think he strained a hamster or something.
- No, hamstring.
- Oh.
I'm looking for Jenny Kelson.
Is that you? Yes.
Ah, good.
Sonia asked me to drop this in on my way home.
I gather you left it behind with her.
Yes, I It was a silly thing to do.
I was in such a rush that I obviously picked up the wrong envelope.
I I didn't realise till Sonia called.
This is the one that I should have given.
It's awfully kind of you.
I was going to call by later.
Oh, that's no trouble.
Especially with such a large amount in it.
Yes, I'd been to the bank.
I was supposed to be picking up some things for my husband.
Materials.
He's an artist.
Oh, yes.
I remember Sonia mentioning something about that.
Yes, he is mounting his first big exhibition next week.
Perhaps you'd care to come? I left some leaflets and a poster with Sonia.
And she promised she'd get him a mention on the arts programme a couple of days beforehand.
Well, it's all publicity.
I mean, I know he's my husband and everything, but he's brilliant.
He really is.
I'm sure he is.
Well, at least I think so, anyway.
Well, thanks very much.
I'll try and come along.
- Okay.
- Goodbye.
Bye.
Yeah, you got it.
Eddie Shoestring, the Private Ear, wearing out his shoe leather to solve your problems.
And any moment now he'll be pounding in off his lonely beat with another intriguing case story to tell us all.
But first of all, pop go the Wurzels.
You know, you used to be so bloody nervous you even made that glass window shake.
Now you're the coolest bloke in the studio.
Nothing to it.
It's all to do with physical fitness.
I exercise my whole body while I work, not just my jaw.
Mr Satchley asked me to give you this.
- Thanks.
- How did you get on with Jenny? Well, she was a bit tense, that's for sure.
But she did have a story to account for the money.
Oh, the dick discusses yet another case before fitting in a broadcast.
30 second to lift - off, Eddie.
But doesn't account for what you saw happen in the garage.
Or that weird note.
Well she's asked me to have a drink with her and Brian this evening.
Well, that's good.
Let me know what happens.
Because I've got to go London for a few days, to make some inquiries.
- Ooh! An offer from Capital, eh? - Yeah.
Fifty thousand a year plus expenses and my own record spot, you schmuck.
And now, with his ear to the ground and his nose to the grindstone and his feet firmly planted on the necks of poor, unfortunate villains, Eddie Shoestring.
That will be £2.
10.
- £2.
10? I'm a bit short.
Uh, I'll go and get you another pound.
You didn't give me enough money.
- I need another pound.
- Oh, you didn't buy doubles? Oh, ta.
He's got no idea, he really hasn't.
Who'd marry an artist? Listen, um You won't say anything about what happened earlier today, will you? No, not if you don't want me to.
It's just that I don't want Brian thinking I'm getting careless or anything.
You needn't worry.
I didn't realise it was Eddie Shoestring that brought it round.
Somebody recognised his voice.
He didn't, you know, being a detective and everything, he didn't say anything, did he? I suppose he must have seen that silly note inside.
Oh, Eddie's all right.
I don't know how it got there.
I really don't.
It's just some silly joke thing between me and a bloke I work with.
So, when am I being interviewed by Radio West, then? - I can't promise.
- It's worth a free portrait.
- Starkers, if you like.
- Hey, watch it! I'll immortalise you forever in oil.
Sounds rather messy! Excuse me.
And, um, no fixing up any private portraits behind my back.
- I promise.
- All right.
Seriously, though, if you'd like me to paint you I don't think I make a very good subject, with or without clothes.
Oh, if I could catch that beautiful copper hair It's not copper, it's Titian.
Uh, yes.
I don't really like the idea of Jenny paying for everything, you know? What, sorry? Our setup.
She probably told you.
No.
Well, I feel so guilty sometimes.
Being broke.
I mean, since we got married and, well, I haven't been earning anything, we've had this arrangement.
We both decided upon it.
Well, it's like an investment.
Until I really get off the ground.
She works and you paint? Well, things could be different after the exhibition.
I mean, every artist needs one.
Unless nobody buys anything, that is.
Rubbish, you'll sell lots.
Within the first hour.
Well, I'll drink to that.
- Think I'll just go get some ice.
- Oh, no, let me.
No, it's all right.
I know you think her politics are a pain but I think she's absolutely great.
- How was your visit to London? - Waste of time.
Oh, and a waste of money? Not at all.
I stayed in a one-star hotel at Paddington and ate hamburgers.
And then my contact stood me up.
Well, I hope you've got some more irons in the fire.
One or two.
Afternoon, Sonia.
Give that to Peter Rayburn, will you? Here, Mr Satchley, caught an earlier train, did you? - Caught the midday high-speed.
- You were on the same train as me.
That's right, I was in first class.
I saw Jenny Kelson and her husband.
- What? - Jenny Kelson.
And the man who scratched her car turned up at the pub.
Are you sure this isn't the bitter end to some affair? No, she worships Brian.
I'm convinced now she's in some trouble, maybe even in danger.
Are you free? Yeah.
Follow that car! Where do you think you are, the streets of San Francisco? Oh, go on! Private detective, are you? Eh? "Follow that car!" See, I wouldn't have your job, mate.
Sneaky, that's what it is.
Just keep your eyes on the road, okay? I hope you know where we're going.
I haven't the faintest idea.
She could be going to Manchester! Yeah, or Edinburgh.
Can you wait for me? Oh, no.
No, you don't catch me with that one.
That's six quid and that includes distance surcharge.
Well, there's 10, okay? And you wait.
Hey! What are you doing? You a spy? Aren't you supposed to take pictures if you're a spy? No, I've got a photographic memory.
- Ah, that's silly.
- It isn't.
- Is it loaded? - My dad's a photographer.
He takes pictures, does he? You're taking too much pictures.
Look.
This is my driving licence.
Give it to your daddy and ask him to contact me through that, all right? If my dad thinks it's stolen, he can claim it off his insurance.
Could he? Hey, look.
Would you do me a favour? What's your name? - Perry.
- Perry, come here.
See that man in the leather jacket over there? Off you go.
What are you doing, you little Stop it! Go away! I said go away, my son! What the hell do you think you're doing? - What do you mean? - That's my kid there.
- He just came up and started kicking me.
- Yeah, what, him kicking you? Go away! - We don't rent cars.
- All right.
- But you've got a car, haven't you? - Yeah.
Well, it's very urgent.
50 quid for an hour or so.
- 50 quid? - Yeah.
Well, it is my car.
Look, it's the Viva over there filling up at the pumps.
But I would like a name, address and signature, if you don't mind.
Yeah, of course.
I'm, um Don Satchley.
That's S-A-T-C-H-L-E-Y.
- Radio West.
- Radio West.
But I think Hold it.
I want a deposit first.
I'll give you that when I return the car.
No, I want the deposit now.
Here, hold on! I want that deposit.
Hold on! He's nicked my car! - Programme, mate, yeah? - No thanks.
Uh, excuse me.
I'd like to place a bet.
What do I do? Yeah, just grab a ticket on the wall over there, pal.
Thanks.
Sorry, where is it? Look, ticket machine on the wall.
Write it on a ticket.
Excuse me.
I want to place a bet.
What do I do with this? Thanks very much.
- That sounds promising.
- Are you on? Depends on the deal.
Next thing we know you'll be charging VAT for your services.
- Yes or no? - You know me.
Excuse me.
Sorry to interrupt again but you wouldn't happen to have a pencil, would you? Oh, on a chain.
I never even saw.
Thanks.
Well? I've got to let them know.
Okay.
Provisional.
Why don't you read the selections? I would if I could, you see.
But I can't.
I've got this terrible word blindness.
What's the idea? Oh, I always draw when I'm concentrating hard on the winners.
What did you want a pencil for? Pen ran out.
Hey, come on! What are you doing? Is this your vehicle, sir? No.
What a stupid place to park a car.
50 pounds.
If that isn't bad enough, you go and lose the damn car! I suppose Radio West will now have to pay the police removal charge.
Well, it was a bit of bad luck, Don.
I was in this betting shop Betting shop? And what's this about your stealing a camera on the motorway? - No, borrowing.
- From a child? I had the father on the phone creating hell.
Would you mind telling me what this case is all about? Well, it's as intriguing as The Maltese Falcon.
And as expensive as Ben - Hur.
How about it, then? You can go and get your own happy snaps developed.
I always did find wet hair sexy.
You should've been born a seal.
Oh, just one roll of film.
It'll save time.
Oh, will it? Why? Because you can ask that guy in police records, you know, the one you fancy, to check the prints through the files as soon you get them back from the office darkroom.
That is all.
Check them through the files? - And you can take the credit later.
- For what? I'm not quite sure yet.
You know, I ought to throw you out of here.
I thought you were going to take me out to dinner? I mean form this house.
For good.
This job of yours is just getting too much.
Erica, your help doesn't go unappreciated.
Oh, good.
Then perhaps you'll be able to find me a job when I lose my present one.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
Have you been waiting long? No, I was just browsing around.
Your studio was open, like the sign said.
Well, I'm afraid the place is in a terrible mess.
No, it's It's very nice.
- Very imaginative.
- Oh, thanks.
Well, we did most of it ourselves.
Except for the actual conversion.
That was done by the people we bought the barn from.
You've used this model a lot.
I was looking around before you came down.
My wife, yes.
And my greatest fan.
Also, I can't afford to use models.
"Brian Kelson.
" So you're going to have an exhibition? Yes, most of this stuff's going in.
- For sale? - Well, that's the general idea.
And here's your wife again.
Right.
I don't know what I'd do without her.
It's a very expensive business, mounting an exhibition.
Well, yes.
That's Jenny, my wife.
She's the organiser.
I'm hopeless.
If it was up to me, I'd never get it together.
Um, by the way I hope you're not here just to nose around.
What do you mean by that? Well, um I mean, what do you do? Not an art critic, I hope? No.
I'm just an interested amateur.
Takes me all my time to draw a conclusion.
Thanks.
His studio was quite a surprise.
The Forge? I've never been out there.
He's not short of paintbrushes for somebody who's supposedly undiscovered.
Jenny can't have been earning all that much at the travel agency.
Yeah, but she does get the odd envelope with 200 quid in it, which suggests some sort of business on the side.
Connected with that farm, maybe? Just what do you think you're doing? I was looking for someone.
Trespassing, you mean.
No, I'd hardly be doing that with a car.
Who are you? What do you want? I heard shots being fired.
I've got a very jumpy disposition, you know.
So you thought you'd snoop around and find out if someone was being murdered, eh? What on earth's going on here? Can't we talk without me feeling I may only get halfway through a sentence? He was worried by the shooting.
There's no need.
They're blanks, you see.
Should've known.
We're dog breeders.
Gun dogs among them.
That's how we train them to get used to the shooting.
We've won prizes all over the country.
I know.
That's why I'm here.
I want to discuss buying a dog.
Oh.
Sure my wife will be glad to show you some of the puppies.
Thank you.
What sort of dog did you have in mind? Oh, something with big ears.
I like dogs to have floppy ears.
- Do you breed spaniels? - I'm afraid not.
We do have bloodhounds, though.
What? Bloodhounds.
With big ears? - Are you sure you want a pedigree? - Certainly.
Can I see the bloodhounds? Yes.
Yes, of course.
Saxon! That's the one with the record, right? I've no idea.
Neither had Peter.
Oh! On the other hand, we do have a William Ronald Davison, alias Patrick Ronald Murphy, alias Arthur Ronald Priestley.
Funny how he always keeps his middle name.
- Him? - Mmm-hmm.
It was probably his mother's dying wish.
Mmm.
- That one went a bit wrong, didn't it? - What is it? - I think - Do you want some coffee? No, no, no, tea.
I hate coffee.
Since when? - Got done for armed robbery last time.
- What? Armed robbery, no less.
Then he got eight years, reduced to five.
- He was released 18 months ago.
Radio West, 329 metres Eddie, what are you getting yourself involved in? Not me.
That girl in the travel agency.
Soccer star Bobby Treen.
Listened to the news just now, Bobby.
They've mentioned a robbery.
A nasty jolt for yourself, eh? Yeah, that's right, Steve.
We had a burglary two days ago, you know, while I was on holiday in Spain.
- You want real coffee or instant? - Shh.
No, tea.
Yeah, you know some of the stuff what was stolen Since when have you been interested in football? Oh, leave it on! Well, I mean, you can't replace things like that.
£4.
99.
Here you go.
Keep the change.
- Aren't you that man on the radio? - Who, me? No.
Your voice sounds the same.
Oh, you mean that guy with the funny name? - Yeah.
- Can't stand him.
No, I can't stand him, either.
Hey, come on.
Come on.
Come here.
- You see anything? - No.
Look over there.
- No.
- I think it's all right.
Shit.
- Okay, let's go in.
- All right.
Shit! Either you're going to make sandwiches or you're a homicidal maniac.
I thought you were a burglar.
Funny you should mention that.
It's a lovely setup they've got.
And Jenny feeds them easy targets.
Yeah, people who book holidays through the travel agency.
She gives names, addresses, dates and then the housebreakers move in.
- Oh.
- Have you got any butter? No, I haven't got any butter.
Well, that's it, then.
You've solved it.
Well, not exactly.
There are one or two little problems I have to sort out.
Like, what do I do with Jenny Kelson? How the hell am I going to make this as intriguing as The Maltese Falcon? Any ideas? Jenny, it's Eddie Shoestring.
I've got some news about Bobby Treen.
That's right, the footballer who lost all his stuff.
Well, I know where it is.
Just take these last two upstairs, Jenny.
- Cup of coffee in 10 minutes? - Okay, love.
Okay.
So you were investigating me.
Only on your behalf.
Slipped up with the envelope, didn't I? Yes.
But I should think the real slip-up happened long before that.
Does your husband know what you've been doing? Good God, no.
Well, what are you going to do? I think you should tell me all about it before he comes back.
I never could get away with anything.
Even when I was little.
I said I wasn't going to do any more.
- I told Ray but - But what? He started to threaten you? Seemed so nice when I first met him.
He used to go where I have lunch sometimes.
Said he was a salesman.
Burglar alarms.
We got chatting, I felt sorry for him.
He said he hadn't been doing too well.
How if he didn't get a couple of jobs soon, he'd lose his commission.
I knew I shouldn't have.
But I gave him a couple of addresses.
I didn't know he intended robbery.
Then he gave me some money, then he told me.
And then you were in.
It was only going to be until I'd got enough for Brian's exhibition.
That was all.
He needed a proper place to work.
With nice things in it.
So that if he brought anyone back, it'd look as if as if he was successful.
He will be.
I know he will.
He's a genius.
He is, really.
Only nobody would give him the chance.
And my father didn't help matters.
I was desperate.
Brian was getting depressed.
And I didn't want him resenting me, thinking it was me holding him back.
Oh, he didn't say anything.
I don't think he knew himself.
But I could feel him slipping away from me.
More and more.
I didn't know what to do.
If he could've just sold one painting, it would've helped.
I have to tell the police.
I love him, Mr Shoestring.
The exhibition opens on Thursday.
Please.
There comes a point in my inquiries where I have to tell the police.
- Or I become an accessory myself.
- Please.
Just 48 hours.
Well.
I suppose you could earn a delay.
But after all the effort she's put in.
Oh, come on, Eddie.
You know the form.
You've got to go to the law.
Radio West has to go to the law.
Well, I have been.
In a roundabout way.
To Mrs Bayliss.
What are you up to? Well, I know my expenses have been climbing on this case but there is one further little expense that'll just clinch it.
And I know you'll agree.
Ray? This is Jenny.
Look, I've been thinking about it.
I do need some more money.
I've got another house for you.
The owner's a Mrs Bayliss.
Going on holiday to Amsterdam.
Amsterdam.
All right? Yeah.
Yes.
I'll give you I'll give you the details then.
Okay.
I wish it was Amsterdam.
Thank you.
Yes, that's very nice.
- All right? - Thank you, sir.
There you are.
Luxury for a night.
Courtesy of Don Satchley.
Better than Amsterdam, isn't it? I don't know why I said yes to this.
I must be mad.
Come on, Erica.
You're not really going to get burgled.
Place will be packed with police.
Waiting for nothing, maybe.
Maybe Jenny Kelson won't lead the whole gang to the trap.
For all you know, she and they may be abroad by now, for real.
I don't think so.
And as for having my house wired for sound Oh, it's for the programme.
Don'll just flip.
Oh, cheers, Don.
God bless him.
Get off.
It's 4:OO.
Nothing's going to happen.
Hello? Yes.
- What happened? - They got away.
- Yeah? - They wrecked my house.
You did? Okay, well, thanks for letting me know, Jim.
That's fine.
Yeah.
Bye-bye.
It worked.
They got 'em.
Oh, wonderful.
Now can we get some sleep? No.
I want to celebrate.
Thank you.
No, thanks.
F sharp.
I like that bit.
You didn't? Hmm.
This is my husband, Brian.
- Hello, I'm Eddie.
- Yes.
- Didn't we meet at my studio? - That's right.
- This is Erica.
- Hello.
Well, how's it going? Oh, well, nobody's bought anything yet.
Oh, I keep telling him they won't at the opening.
I hope you're right, darling.
Oh, I think you ought to give it a little time.
You know, I still can't believe it's actually happened.
Mind you, it wouldn't have done if it hadn't been for Jenny.
- Oh, excuse me.
- Of course.
Thanks.
I don't deserve any thanks.
But you do.
It'll be a while before it comes out in the newspapers and the courts.
And by that time, he'll be able to go it alone.
If he wants to.
She'll be released after she's made the statement.
I expect she'll get a suspended sentence.
She's a bit like my boat, really.
Your boat? Only time it ever sees water is when it rains.
Life can be a real bastard sometimes.
Specially since Brian Kelson seems to have little talent as an artist.
Hmm? Oh, none at all.
Not a scrap.
I don't know.
Hmm.
Life really can be a bastard.
I wonder if he'd help me paint my boat?