Still the King (2016) s01e10 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Still the King" If it isn't the old Pool and Spa Depot girl.
And I do mean old.
Are you gonna let our daughter run off with those rocker-looking dudes? You see a couple of kids go by here? They were headed out to Party Cove.
Oh, my god, we won! - All right.
- Let's keep it moving, okay? Is it rum, vodka? Oh, my god, are you drunk? - Gimme that! - Vernon! - Whoa! - Whoa! [VERNON.]
Hey, did we you know (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Drop that axe! (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) Ah, wait a minute, hah uh Burnin' Vernon? I used to roadie for you back in the day! Crazy Dave.
You know, on account that my name's Dave? Right.
Yeah, yeah, I remember you.
Well, you see, I work for Trayne now and that's his guitar that you're stealing.
Oh, oh, no, you don't understand.
See I knew Trayne was playing here and what I thought I'd do is prank him with the old "steal-the-guitar" prank.
Remember that, like I used to do back in the day when he opened for me on tour? Oh, yeah, the "steal-the-guitar" prank.
Hey, what the hell, you should come to the show tomorrow night.
Oh, man, I'd love to, man but I gotta check my calendar, man.
I got like, a lot lotta busy stuff on my plate, man slamming.
But the fact of the matter is, if by chance there would be an opening, I'll need me plus two.
Oh, no problem, I'll see you tomorrow night! All right, man, I'll see you around.
Hey, Vern! I am gonna need the guitar.
Hah! Gotcha again, didn't I? Yes, you did.
You are a joker.
- What? - Oh, nothing Uh, just this guy at school said he beat your record for chugging a bottle of syrup.
Was it that jackhole Andy Epstein? Ronnie, no.
If you do, you'll be bouncing off the walls again.
Get my special occasion insulin.
I'm going in time me.
Morning family! Go.
Something smells good.
Hey Deb, you ain't by chance been missing something you left down at the lake last weekend, have you? The lake, of course, not.
I haven't even thought about the lake.
Well, if you ever want to return to the blue lagoon I'd be more than happy to oblige.
Done! - Aw, shoot, looks like a tie.
- What? I love that lake.
I'd like to be on it all the time.
Dude, what are you talking about? Out on the lake? You don't even own a boat.
Let alone know how to service one.
Well, I'm sure if I found a model I liked enough I could service it as often as it needed.
Can we just stop with the boat talk? Well, come on, honey.
I've got a big surprise for you! We need to get going.
Hope it's better than your last one.
And you still owe Dallas a new guitar.
I'm sorry, but I had to do what I had to do.
The guy was close-singing and uh Anyway I'm gonna make it up to you.
Come on, it's gonna be great.
- See you later, Deb.
- Bye.
- Ronald.
- Sir.
The sugar's settling in.
Ronnie, I'm gonna take you to dinner tonight.
Awesome.
We gonna go to No, baby, we're not going to Tepid's.
But that's my favorite.
Don't you mean your second favorite? Santa Fe Cattle Company? Santa Fe Cattle Company.
Uh-oh sugar's coming back with a vengeance.
Hitting me kind of hard.
Can't see Coming back.
Help! Help! Who's there? Oh, all right, all right, see that? It's like she knew exactly when to come over.
Attentive servers are a sign of the high life, Ronnie.
Yeah, we made it.
And I ordered your favorite dessert.
- Big-ass chocolate cake? - Uh-huh.
Are you serious? Wait, why are you being so nice to me? Would you mind bringing my beautiful man here another beer? He deserves it.
- Am I dying? - Of course, not.
Pool and Spa Depot, we have a huge Another Pool and Spa Depot commercial.
For all your spa-ing needs.
And here comes stupid Pamela, in her stupid bikini.
Yee-haw! Wait, she wasn't in the commercial.
- Ronnie, did you see that? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, no Pamela.
Ronnie, you wanna do one of your all-time favorite activities? You talking about ninja kicks? - No.
- Doin' it in the yard? Mm-mm better.
Fake hot tub shopping.
Man, this is the best day ever! Wait, why you doi Did you cheat on me? Ha-ha, your freakin' face, you're killing me.
I'm just bustin' your balls.
Let's go tubbin'! Oh, you are gonna love this! Trayne Crostown puts on a helluva show.
Oh, he's been known to sing into the mouth of a crocodile on stage.
It's the perfect father-daughter activity.
Why is he here? Man, I remember going on tour with my dad when I was a kid.
We used to come down here.
Pretty big country music fan.
I don't know, it's not really my thing.
You've never been to a country music concert with the Burnin' Vernon.
I mean, we're VIPs here.
- [CROWD.]
Suck it! Suck it! - These are my people! Suck it! Yeah! Your people are a real class act.
Yeah, well, you ain't gonna be so high and mighty when we get inside.
Our seats are right in the middle of the action, come on! These seats aren't so bad.
It kinda makes ya reflect on how small we are in this universe.
See, you may think we have bad seats but actually we got a great view.
This is BS, we're going for an upgrade.
Listen, those seats were just fine.
I don't want to cause any trouble or anything.
Oh, no, don't be silly I'm sure they just gave us the wrong tickets, that's all.
How you doing, sir? It's nice to see you.
I'm here to see Trayne.
Everybody here to see Trayne.
Ha, that's a good one.
No, I'm actually a special guest.
I gave the boy his break, name's Vernon Brown.
You're not on the list.
Hey, wait a minute, you didn't check the list for those two.
Hot chicks.
All right, just follow my lead.
If anything goes wrong, we scatter, okay? All right, come on, look important, you ready? Let's roll.
Clyde, get the investors on the line! These investors aren't investing! I don't see it in my papers.
Someone get me more papers! I can't talk right now, I'm a very important person.
I can't believe it worked! See, what'd I tell ya? Ya just look like you belong and the next thing you know, you're in, it's the way life is.
Now save yourselves! Come on, let's go, let's go, come on.
Guys, easy, man, easy, I got an image to protect here.
- Come on, you're ruffling the - Whoa, whoa, whoa Burnin' Vernon Brown! Man, I thought you was dead! Lil' Trayne! Man, oh, man, I ain't seen you since you opened that show for me in Houston.
That's right, I opened for you, now you're trying to sneak in to my sold-out, massive arena show.
Man, that's rich! Like me.
Let him go, fellas, he's harmless.
Let's go get our pre-party on! Hey, all right, man, it looks like you're doing pretty good.
Not too bad, baby.
- I think we could do it! - I'm in! Well, this is pretty sweet.
Yeah.
So, it's just me and you now, huh? 15 you're probably just starting to make your own electricity.
Hey, Crazy Dave! It's uh I'm Robert Murray's boy.
It's been forever, man.
Wait, you're Lil' Walt Murray? Yup.
God, you were a weird, little kid.
You used to talk about bigfoot and aliens and all that crap.
So what are you doing now? This and that.
ASSISTANT (OVER RADIO): Got the chum, feeding the shark! 10-4 on the shark.
Did you say shark? Here? Yeah, well, Trayne's got this ritual that he does every night.
He's gotta face death in the face with a real shark.
It's the only way he can keep his high going once he gets off the stage.
Listen, I've gotta go.
Oh, you need to have one of these.
What is this? Oh, it's Backstage Backwash.
It's Trayne's signature cocktail.
I was sober six years when I started working here.
But when the boss says jump, I'm jumping, let's go! - I gotta see that shark.
- I gotta see that shark.
I wouldn't be caught dead in one of these things.
Are you gonna buy a hot tub, or what? Maybe maybe not.
But if you work on commission, I'd tread lightly, brother.
Okay.
Hey, where you going with that skanky cut-out of the Pool and Spa Depot Girl? To the trash, where she belongs! What are you doing here? You never leave the flagship store.
I wanted to personally oversee the purging of Pamela's cheating whore face from my stores.
Shut up.
She cheated on you? Yeah.
What kind of horrible, rotten person would do that to you? You did.
Trace-kins baby, this isn't about me.
Aw, come here.
You just here tell me every horrible, despicable detail.
Okay, well, let's see, she was all dressed up, you know? What do you think of that soothing background music? It's all right kinda reminds me of elevator music.
Switch! - Hey, you want some sushi? - Huh? T.
K.
here, he'll make you anything you want.
Everything he prepares is endangered.
We got the golden chopsticks.
I'm not very good with chopsticks but I would take you up on some of that Backstage Backwash - if you got any! - Backwash! It's made with top shelf rum and reclaimed Fanta we get snuck in from Colombia.
Woo! That even tastes illegal.
I know, I know.
Man, I just I don't know what I'd do if I lost all this stuff.
Speaking of, what you got going on? Oh, I'm doing the Incognito Tour kinda keepin' it low key.
Man, you seem kind of tense.
Now, you want that Balinese to walk on your back with those tiny, little, baby feet? Just say the word, she's real little Hey, Yon! Hey, man! Hey, Vernon, do you know Yon, Yon Aswad? He's the head cheese for Rock Records Magazine.
He's doing a little piece on me.
I don't want the attention.
I hate it, but Yon insists.
We've met.
Vernon, you got the number one record in the country right now.
How does it feel? My bad.
I think I gotta piss.
What's up? My bad.
Joanna, will you marry me? My bad.
Oh, I'm sorry, man, my memory is just about gone! Hey, you know, my daughter, she's been doing a lot of writing about music and musicians.
Maybe she could take a meeting with you and you could give her some career advice? I'd love to meet your daughter.
Hey, man, 100 watts.
I told you guys, 60-watt soft, all right? Come on, get it.
Damn, man.
That shark has got to be around here somewhere.
How many places can you hide a shark, anyway? Depends on the size of the shark and if it's a male or a female.
Oh, this has got to be it.
Wait, this is it? That's a really tiny shark.
Well, you know, sometimes when things are tiny they're more fierce in the animal kingdom.
- Walt! - It was an accident! Maybe no one will notice.
Oh, that's not good.
Okay, um, let's just sneak out of here and then nobody has to know.
Everybody knows.
If they find out the tiny shark is dead they can just go back to the tapes and trace it back to us! Well, what're we supposed to do? We need a decoy shark.
I know a guy.
Come on, let's get out of here.
I mean, one minute, we're at the County Fair and she's right there and we're all lady-and-the-tramp'ing a fried twinkie, and then the next minute.
- 'Scuse me, amigo.
- Yeah, whatever.
Pam-cakes? What are y'all doing in there? Peeing.
Peeing? You know, Trace, it's times like these when you gotta look at the big picture and ask yourself some pretty tough questions.
Like what's gonna happen to the Pool and Spa Depot girl? I can't think about that right now.
The Pool and Spa Depot girl is she's a regional institution.
I don't know, I got no proof she was boosting sales, anyway.
Let me show you what a real Pool and Spa Depot girl can do to boost your sales.
Got your booty call, Walt.
It wasn't a booty call, Coy.
You're weirdin' me out.
Well, every phone call is a potential booty call if you play your cards right.
I'm looking for a fish, okay? Yeah, well, you've come to the right spot.
Your fish is my command.
Look but it's a very specific kind of fish and you have to handle this with complete discretion, okay? I'm in a slippery situation here.
Ah, lucky for you, handling slippery situations is Coy's forte.
Okay, I'm looking for a baby shark, like a tiny shark about this big.
Do you have any idea what you're asking me for, my friend? I mean, no, not really.
I don't know a lot about tiny sharks.
Don't move.
Myanmar hand shark eh As rare as it is tiny as tiny as it is deadly, as deadly as it is rare.
Okay, I got it.
How much do I owe you? This one's on me but the next one's on you.
Okay, I'm gonna give you $20 and then this transaction is over forever, okay? Okay, I've gotta say, this is pretty cool.
Whoa, Yon! This is my daughter I was telling you about.
She's the one that's a writer.
This is Yon, he works for Rock Records.
He might be able to give you a little career advice.
Awesome.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
[TRAYNE.]
Thanks, everybody, thank you very much.
Earlier today, when I was riding around on my fancy golf cart I saw an old buddy of mine trying to sneak in the show.
- Oh, just kidding.
- Trayne is asking for you.
- Uh, Trayne's onstage.
- Let's bring him out and see if he's still has the golden pipes.
Put your hands together for my old buddy, Burnin' Vernon! Go! - Are you serious? - Go on! And the best thing about the "Slow and Low 2" is it's lounge-style seating so you can just lay down and relax without worrying about slipping off that bench Babe, you got my spares? Did I tell y'all about the antibacterial coating? Now, if you're looking for the ultimate relaxation spa experience, well, you just can't beat the cascade waterfall feature in our VIP collection.
So if you just want to follow me.
Then I was in Hollywood wishing I was doin' good Talking on the telephone line They don't need me in the movies Ain't nobody sings my songs She just couldn't erase the memory of her engagement ring floating in a puddle of pretzel barf so I had to buy her a new one.
Now my therapist says I have Emetophobia.
Know what that is? Uh, fear of vomiting.
Vernon Brown really is the worst person in the music business.
You know what, thank you so much for the great career advice.
I'd really love to hear more but I'm kind of feeling a little, uh No no.
Queasy.
Hey, hey, check it out.
Replacement shark.
Did you even look at it? Sorry, it was dark and rapey there.
Whoo! ASSISTANT (OVER RADIO): Okay, the set is complete.
We got the shark room's ETA, one minute, one minute, people.
Great big hand for Burnin' Vernon! We'll see y'all next year! Thank you very much! Man, I can't believe you did that.
Well, I guess I'm a sucker.
I had to throw an old dog a bone! ASSISTANT (OVER RADIO): Standby, please.
We've got Trayne entering the Shark Room.
[MEDIC.]
This is Medic 4, we are on standby at the perimeter.
DISPATCH (OVER RADIO): 10-4, Medic 4.
Silence! Shark me.
Symphony.
(PLAYING "JAWS" THEME) Three, two, one.
Argh! Argh! Argh! Whoo-hoo! Ah, man! Sometimes sometimes you gotta look death in the face just to know you're alive! I mean, I can't I can't help it, I'm an adrenaline junkie.
Wait a minute Go, let's go! Go, go, go! What the hell just happened? Thank you.
Congratulations best decision you ever made! You're gonna love it! All right, maybe the Pool and Spa Depot girl is important.
Damn straight! And those were my first customers already made my first sale.
Uh, your second sale.
Ronnie! What the hell? You had me sold at VIP waterfall.
Call my assistant next week we'll set up a time for you to come in.
You did good, Deb-kins.
- Really? That's great.
- Yep, really.
- Good job.
We'll see ya.
- Yay.
We're gonna need to make a return.
Ooh, I already peed in it a little bit! That was awesome, thanks for taking me! Now, hold on.
I got one more surprise for ya.
This is for that boy you hang out with Oh, Austin, Houston, Tex, whatever his name is.
I told you I was gonna make it up to you, here you go.
Really? Sweet! Thanks.
First hug from your daughter.
Kinda does a number on ya, doesn't it? Yeah, no kiddin'.
Well, it was a nice thing you did.
Well, if you wanna keep the niceties coming, you know we could always go for a little pleasure cruise.
Sorry, that ship has sailed and sunk.
You're looking at the new Pool and Spa Depot girl.
Really? Well, congratulations.
Turns out filthy Pamela was slutting it around the County Fair.
In a porta potty? Really? That's crazy.
Who with? Don't know, don't care.
Well, congratulations.
You deserve it.
Thank you.
You stole that guitar, didn't you? Who me? I'd never take something that wasn't mine.