Stumptown (2019) s01e10 Episode Script
Reality Checks Don't Bounce
1 Previously on "Stumptown" Did you have sex with Liz last night? But I don't remember any shenanigans.
Neither do I.
I wanted to tell you, but Dex said keep it quiet.
You destroyed my relationship with Liz and yours with Hoffman.
I don't want you around.
Okay, wait.
Right there! Do you see that? She's dumping her drink in my glass.
I mean, she's trying to get me drunk.
LIZ: You can't have a relationship as long as she's in your life.
No one can get as close to you as she can.
Dex, I want to move out.
You want to what? - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Okay, hold that thought, all right? Hi.
Can we talk? Yeah.
All rise.
Judge Antonio Price presiding.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- You can be seated.
Mrs.
Whitmore, you're being accused of failure to pay for services rendered.
Falsely.
Oh.
Well, case is over with.
Uh, Bailiff, track me down some Speedos and a couple mai tais.
I'm headed to Hawaii.
[LAUGHTER.]
Now, Ms.
Pario, um, you were hired to find Ms.
Whitmore's best friend, Harry.
- Am I correct? - Yes.
I couldn't hear you.
Yes.
I was hired.
Cut it.
Cut it.
Cut it.
Cut it.
[BUZZER.]
PRODUCER: All right.
That's a cut.
Has anyone told this woman to only address me? Only a hundred times.
I I was looking at the camera.
So, Ms.
Pario, is that your coat right there? - Yes.
- Okay, put it on.
I'd like for both of you ladies to look like cat ladies in here.
I want the younger one to see her future self.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Don't even like cats.
- Going again.
- All right.
We're rolling! - [BELL RINGS.]
- Okay, Ms.
Pario - It's Parios.
Parios.
you're a private investigator, right? - Mm-hmm.
- And you were hired by Ms.
Whitmore to find her best friend, Harry? - Yes.
- And who is Harry? - A cat.
- [LAUGHTER.]
I found it the cat the thing the cat.
Ms.
Whitmore was supposed to pay me $500.
Did Ms.
Parios return the cat? She returned a cat.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Not my Harry.
She says the cat was returned not Harry.
I think she would know.
[LAUGHTER.]
Uh, Your Honor, I have a picture here that Ms.
Whitmore gave me Let Let me see it.
Let me see it.
Thank you.
Um, and this is the photo that I took right after I found him.
As you can tell, Harry has a very distinguishing feature.
Missing a leg.
I see that.
Ms.
Whitmore, are you accusing Ms.
Parios of finding another three-legged cat and pretending it was Harry? Well, I-I-I don't know what she did.
A-And b-besides, I never agreed to pay her anything.
She's lying.
SPECTATORS: He'll be the judge of that! Power to the people! SPECTATORS: Power to the people! JUDGE PRICE: That's what I'm talking about.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, if this ain't sweet, sweet Harry, - then "Green Book" ain't a masterpiece.
- [LIGHT LAUGHTER.]
- Ms.
Pario - It's Parios.
supply the contract between you and Ms.
Whitmore, and the judgment is yours.
Yeah, I'm, uh I'm more of a handshake kind of gal.
[SPECTATORS BOO.]
Well, without a contract, there's no way to prove that you had an agreement.
- No, you're wrong.
- I can't be wrong.
SPECTATORS: He's the judge! - [SIGHS.]
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Oregon state does not require a contract.
A verbal agreement will suffice, Your Honor.
Uh, but you would know that because you're the judge! Well, they say time spent with a cat is never wasted.
And it appears in this judgment that the favor goes to the plaintiff - Oh! - which is the amount of $500, and y'all know the rest.
SPECTATORS: Reality checks don't bounce! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Judge Price would like to see you in his chambers.
[SIGHS.]
Chambers? Thought this was a TV set.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Come on.
Ah.
Your Honor.
Ms.
Parios.
I thought I'd find you eating the whole side of a cow at some fancy steakhouse.
I'm lemon-pepper wet all day.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, so so, what can I do for you? - One, that was great in there.
- Thank you.
Second, I need your services.
I need you to track down someone.
I'm sure you have people who can do that for you.
It's a personal matter.
I got a big brother of a pain in the ass named Lataurus.
I bought him and my mom a house here in my hometown.
Lataurus sold the house and took all the money.
Now he won't return none of my calls.
Ah.
Well, that does sound bad.
Okay, well, I'll need his full name, a recent photo.
Here's the pictures.
I want you to serve his ass.
And, hopefully, he won't show up in court, and they'll throw his ass in jail.
Maybe there's a softer approach here.
This is your brother.
Lataurus don't respond to nothing but a hammer.
Across his head.
Repeatedly.
Well, suit yourself.
Ms.
Parios, you got siblings? Yeah, I have a younger brother.
Then I know you know how it feels to have to clean up messes all the time.
Yep, I do.
I'll be in touch.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE.]
Hey, hey, I was on, uh, TV today.
Passed out on the street again? What? - That is just That is mean, bro! - [LAUGHS.]
That's so mean! I wasn't passed out.
No, I was on a court show, and I won.
And the judge was he was so impressed with me that he gave me a job.
My highest rate yet.
I'm proud of you.
You're doing good.
- Yeah.
- Great.
Thank you.
I'm gonna grab another beer.
You want anything? Yeah, we we need to talk about me moving out.
Oh.
You were, uh You were serious about that.
I am serious.
I'm ready to be a man.
Yeah, okay.
Um [SMACKS LIPS.]
Uh, you know what? It's bedtime.
Why don't we talk about that tomorrow? [DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
- [KNOCKS.]
- You wanted to see me? Um, not me.
The Captain.
- Detective Hoffman.
- Captain.
Taking down Kane was huge.
Everyone appreciates the work you're doing.
And with great work comes great reward.
Just doing my job, Captain.
Two words.
Sorry, one word, one number Matchbox Twenty.
Matchbox Twenty? Front row.
Moda Center.
I can't go.
Oh.
I definitely have plans.
I promise, you're gonna love my wife.
I don't follow.
I can't go.
Gotten a monsoon of death threats since I cancelled the annual pug parade.
My wife has her heart set on going.
I don't feel safe with her going alone.
You make sure you get her down there and back safely.
In return, one front-row seat for one of America's great treasures.
Mm.
Win-win.
Cosgrove said you were the only man for the job.
You're welcome.
You set me up.
Yeah.
Little payback for that time that you filled my car with animal crackers after I got back from safari.
Hey, listen, you have a great time at that concert, Hoffman.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[TELEPHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE.]
Hey.
Hey.
- I need your help.
- You need my help.
Of course.
Are we doing this? Being weird after After what? I have a case.
I'm trying to serve this guy, and, um he's a ghost.
Okay, well I have access to the same databases as you now that you're, uh, licensed.
Yeah, but that's the problem.
I can't get a hit.
So I just wondered if you knew someone who could tell me something.
I'm just trying to be normal.
Normal or not, I am, uh, busy, and I do have my own job, so Yeah, I know.
I-I-I-I get that.
It's just Lataurus Price Jr.
, he sold his family home behind his brother's back, kicked his mom to the curb.
I mean, left her out on her ass.
Just trying to find him.
What do you got? Nice taper.
It's hard to come by in Portland.
I might have a lead.
Yeah? Yeah.
Well, hey, if you want to go out for a drink sometime or something, you know, as friends I'll hit you back if I find something.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I been grindin' all my life All my life, been grindin' all my life Sacrificed, hustled HOFFMAN: Man, I love Dame more than anyone.
But you're wrong.
No doubt he'd get more MVP love if he was balling in Philly or LA.
Well, you know, the media doesn't respect Portland.
Why should they? They got to win a title first.
You win the title, then you get the accolades.
It's that simple.
Man, this is the year.
No doubt.
- Man - Nope.
Y'all young cats got to stop dreaming so much.
- [SCOFFS.]
- Hey, here you go.
Appreciate it.
Oh, big tip.
I know.
I need a favor.
Shoot.
I'm looking for someone.
Bruh, you know I don't snitch.
I know.
It's not on a cop tip.
I'm pretty sure you're responsible for that cut.
Scumbag.
Where can I find him? Where scumbags hang out.
- [AUDIENCE WHISTLING.]
- Ready, set, go, move Ready, set, go, move Ready, set, go, move - Hey, baby, you're killing me.
- Ready, set, go, move Move Lemme see you move, move, move Lemme see you move, move, move Lemme see you move, move, move - ANNOUNCER: third down.
- LATAURUS: Man! That's gonna bring up fourth down.
That's what I'm talking about.
They're gonna have to throw it towards the end zone Lataurus Price? Shh! Fourth down.
Three seconds to go.
Touchdown I win 10 large! [SIGHS.]
Bring it home to Daddy, baby.
He drops back, looking downfield There's nothing there! [ALL SHOUTING.]
Damn! You jinxed me! Not the result we were hoping for? [SCOFFS.]
Damn! All right, fellas.
Come on.
Pay up.
All right, well, listen, um Swear it ain't fair Yo! Where do you think you're going?! - You got wheels? - Yeah.
- Hey! - Run! Get back over here! Hey! - Get outta the way! - [GLASS SHATTERS.]
Hey! Pay us our money! [DOOR SLAMS.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
Baby, come back Ah, thank you.
Who are you? You've been served.
There was something Hey! - In everything about you - Yo, man! Stop! - [TIRES SQUEAL.]
- Baby, come back I'm that dude! [LAUGHS.]
Thanks for letting me use the bathroom.
I wasn't sure whether to use the kitty litter or - What are you doing? - I'm trying to get the hell out of here.
They tryin' to kill me! Well, you did just stiff a bookie.
Not them.
Girl, look around.
Yeah, I I don't know what any of this is.
Look, I'm in the Kopi luwak game.
- Uh-huh.
- Coffee.
These cages are supposed to be filled with these civet cats from Indonesia.
What they do is, they they they swallow these little coffee cherries, and then they and then they poo-poo out this little old bean worth about $500 a pour.
Okay, I can't believe I'm asking you this, but you you sold your family's home to invest in, uh - uh, kwapi llama - No, no, no.
Kopi luwak coffee.
Look here, girl.
Scared money don't make money.
And my cats, well, they got held up in customs, all right? Look, I-I-I-I-I'm not great with paperwork.
I'm I'm what you would call more of a - a macro guy.
- Uh-huh.
And my partner, Dwaddle Chen, I'm-a tell you something right now, man, that dude, he wants his cash.
The money that I put down on that game was to pay Chen a little something.
Oh, cool story.
Cool.
Cool, cool.
Um, but you can't go, because if you're a no-show for the summons, you're gonna go to jail.
Jail?! I don't care nothing about no jail! Chen is trying to kill me! But you can help me disappear.
Oh, no.
I-I have a client your brother.
Aw, yeah, yeah.
I can imagine the lies you done heard from Tone.
Well, looks like he hit the nail on the head.
Listen, that boy has been dogging me since we were kids.
You don't understand.
Okay, I'm not in the family-mending business, but you guys should really get in the room and just kind of talk things out.
No, no.
What I need to do is get out of town.
They're trying to kill me.
Okay.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go.
This has been fun, though.
Yeah, fun.
Yeah, it's been fun.
Job well done.
Money's on the table.
Uh you know, your brother seemed genuinely afraid.
Who else did he owe? Well, there's this guy, uh, Duddle Chen.
I think your brother took the money from the sale of the house and partnered with Chen on these cats.
You know what? I, uh, I know that Lataurus is in trouble.
- Half inch off the cuff.
- TAILOR: Of course.
Look, he's not my brother.
I can walk out of here, rest easy, or I could stay on payroll and look into it.
You know, I'm being honored by my fraternity Alpha Phi Alpha.
Real brothers.
But if Lataurus is in danger, my mom is gonna be sick.
So go ahead and waste your time.
Do we need a contract, or or are we good? [CHUCKLES.]
We just might feel good I wanna push you around Well, I will, well, I will DAISY: Well, I will, well, I will I wanna push you down, but I will - I wanna push you down but I will Can you believe that Matchbox encored with "3AM" over "Push"? - Unbelievable.
- [SCOFFS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
It was a unbelievable show.
You got a good husband.
He's not good at everything.
- I will - [CLEARS THROAT.]
[PUMP CLICKS.]
Oh, look at that.
All set.
Uh, let's get you let's get you, uh, home.
We got a long, long drive here.
- A-A-Ahem.
- Yeah? I'm out of Dentyne.
Like, I'm a little untrusting When I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya And I don't know why you [CHIME RINGS.]
Baby, don't you wanna get yo, get yo game up, game up Tell yo girlfriends how you met me And how you done came up [TIRES SCREECH.]
[CAR DOORS OPEN, INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
DAISY: Help! [WHIMPERS.]
Help! No, no, no, no, no! [TIRES SQUEAL.]
[GROANS.]
I'm sorry.
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE.]
Here.
Get down.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Okay, okay.
- I got you.
- Where were you?! [TIRES SQUEAL.]
You had one job.
And you threw me under the boss.
Everybody around here plays practical jokes.
I thought, "I'm gonna get in on the action.
" Nope.
It backfired.
I tried this sense-of-humor thing.
It sucks.
I'm done.
Look, you have my word that the guys in auto theft will will not drop the ball on this.
I'll make sure of it.
Yeah, you wish.
You made this mess.
You are gonna clean it up.
Whoa, Lieutenant, I-I haven't worked an auto-theft case in over a decade.
I-I don't have any contacts, no sources.
[CELLPHONE RINGING.]
Hmm.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Hello, Captain White.
Yes, I know.
Detective Hoffman apologizes profusely.
- Yeah.
- [QUIETLY.]
No, I don't.
Please, don't worry about it.
He is all over it.
Good night.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
[SIGHS.]
You are such a jackass.
I saw the video.
I know there's two sides to the story, okay? So you and Liz There's no more me and Liz.
I I would never, uh, intentionally hurt you.
Look, I shouldn't have unloaded on you.
All right? That was unfair.
Well, what else were you supposed to think? [BILLIARD BALLS CLACK.]
[SIGHS.]
Look - Look, I'm I'm - Okay, yeah, let's I got an idea.
Let's do this instead.
This is a better idea.
I'd get down with this.
How about we just do this and move on? - Really? - Really.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come on.
- Yeah? - We good? We're good.
[GLASSES CLINK.]
Mm.
All right.
What you been up to? Well, I got a new case two brothers, and, uh I can't stop thinking about them.
Oh, yeah? What's it about? Well, you know, just how they talk about each other, how much they hate each other, how sad that is, and, um it made me realize - I'm avoiding my own brother.
Why are you avoiding your brother? [SIGHS.]
Ansel wants to move out.
That's great.
It's natural.
He wants his own independence.
Why? I-I let him have pasta for breakfast and and pancakes for dinner.
I mean, what else could a kid want? For starters, he's not a kid anymore.
He's 21.
Yeah, whose side are you on, anyway? I didn't know there were sides.
When you're talking to me, yeah, there are.
- Pretty clear.
[SIGHS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Look, Dex, you can't avoid your brother forever.
Well, thank you for the wisdom.
I gotta go corral another ungrateful sibling.
Sounds good.
Thanks for the shot.
Yeah.
So, we're good? Yeah.
Good.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing here? - I'm here to see Grey.
Oh.
Okay.
See ya around.
- McConnell.
- Yeah.
Everything cool with you two? [DOOR OPENS.]
We're good.
I'm looking for something.
Custom, fully loaded, 2019 Audi.
Since when does a homicide detective track stolen property? Since that stolen vehicle belonged to my boss's boss.
Look, this is your world.
I'm looking for any chop shops that it might have been dropped off.
No, Hoffman.
It was my world a long time ago.
Really? Oh.
'Cause it wasn't that long ago that I remember a certain somebody who, uh, was facing hard time, you know, for jacking a museum with Wallace Kane and somehow, someway didn't do any time.
I get it.
Even if I knew a shop, Hoffman, there's no way a cop could just waltz in there asking questions.
Yeah, I figured as much, so you still on your game? [INSECTS CHIRPING.]
Lataurus? [SIGHS.]
- Here he is.
- Thank you.
Hey.
Can I talk to you? Yeah.
Pardon me for a second.
What's going on? Uh, well, uh Lataurus was not lying.
What, about the kidnapping? Yes.
Look what was in my dressing room this morning.
Hm.
A ransom note? - Yeah.
- They want $5 million in 48 hours? Yeah, or Lataurus loses an ear.
This is a bit of an overshot, don't you think? $5 million? Who do they think you are, Oprah or something? I made $31 million this year.
What? You I'm sorry.
That's not I I mean, seriously, how is that h why? "Reality checks don't bounce.
" Look, this is pathetic.
You know? This is a new low, even for Lataurus.
Wait, you think you think he wrote this? I wouldn't doubt it.
I went by his place, though.
I saw blood.
There was There was sign of a struggle.
I mean, either he's, like, a mad genius or he's in some serious trouble.
I've been dragged into this nonsense forever.
I spent a lifetime doing this with him.
Okay, I think we should consider going to the cops.
No, that's gonna make a mess, we're gonna end up in social media, and all this fake news is gonna turn into big news.
Okay, well, do you want to pay this? My brother's not worth $5 million.
Okay.
Um, I'm still on retainer, so I would like to check out this Chen character.
I want to tell you something.
My brother he screws everyone over.
I mean, everybody.
Be careful.
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS INDISTINCTLY.]
[INDISTINCT TALKING, TOOLS WHIRRING.]
Greyson McConnell.
Last I heard, you got scared straight.
[CHUCKLING.]
No, no, no.
No, I just took a little break.
I got a bar downtown.
You need an oil change? No, I'm looking for a custom Audi.
It got stolen from somebody who can't really have things stolen from them.
And that Audi belongs to a cop's wife.
Oh, really? You're gonna do me like that? You doing that? Guy gets out of the joint, goes legit, then shows up talking about cops.
Forgive me for being cautious.
No, you got it wrong.
I'm just trying to help an honest patron get his car back.
Well, good luck.
If I hear anything, I'll make sure and give you a call.
Yeah, come to my bar.
Bad Alibi.
Drinks on me.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What's the story? Well, he said he hasn't seen the car, but he's lying.
I saw your gal's custom decal, so I told them who the car belonged to.
You think Zev's gonna make a move on that? Oh, yeah, Zev's a pro.
He'll call the guy, tear him a new one for selling him super-hot goods, and, uh, he'll toss the car back to the suspect.
So we sit.
Did you say "we"? And, what, we just wait? Yeah.
Now you're catching on.
[ENGINES REVVING ON TV.]
[BEEP.]
Hey.
Uh So, I've been thinking, and I-I hear ya, okay? So let's make a deal.
I'm gonna extend your curfew, and I'm I'm gonna back off.
I'm gonna give you some space, okay? And then we will revisit this in a couple of months.
I want to move out.
Yeah, I just I can't afford that right now.
I have the money.
I've been saving.
It's not about the money.
It's just you're not ready, Ans.
I am.
[SIGHS.]
Why are you being like this? Why Why are you mad? I'm I'm just I don't get it.
I found a place for people like me.
No, you're not living with strangers.
That is not happening, okay? You know what? I'm done talking about this with you.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[BOTTLES CLANK.]
[BOTTLE CAP CLINKS.]
[SIGHS.]
[COMPUTER BEEPS.]
[BELL JINGLES.]
[BIRD SQUAWKS.]
[DOOR CLOSES, BELL JINGLES.]
Whew! Ohh.
Can we get a courtesy fan in here? Animals secrete pheromones.
Like all things, you get used to it.
You call about the ferrets? Uh, the what? I will only give them to a good home.
No, uh didn't call about the ferrets.
People say they want ferrets and hamsters, and then they treat them terrible.
Ah.
My grandson.
You feed him? Clean the cage? All set.
Sleeping.
Good boy.
So, uh, can I help you with anything? Uh, yeah, this is probably a long shot, but I'm, uh I'm looking for Lataurus Price.
He owes me some money, and I think he might owe you, too.
[LOCKS CLICKING.]
And who is asking? [ANIMALS CHATTERING.]
[SCOFFS.]
I am.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
I'm an only child.
I found a dog on the street when I was a kid.
I took her in.
We were pals.
She was so grateful.
Animals are very grateful.
Unlike people.
Look, I think that we both want the same thing here.
So You like snakes? Mnh.
[SNAKE HISSES.]
No.
Not particularly, no.
The coastal taipan.
Even if you don't like snakes, you have to respect their efficiency.
Cobras and pythons, they get all the press, but the taipan is far more deadly.
Look.
I'm a private investigator, okay? Antonio Price hired me to find his missing brother.
Someone kidnapped him, and and now they're extorting Antonio for the ransom.
Antonio Price? Judge Price is Lataurus' brother? Yeah.
BOTH: Reality checks don't bounce! [ALL CHUCKLE.]
I would love to get my hands on Lataurus.
He said he had a line on some civet cats.
They're impossible to get these days.
Something about coffee.
Man, Portland went from weird to stupid.
I didn't kidnap Lataurus.
But I wouldn't mind introducing him to my snakes.
All right.
I'm gonna go now.
Well, you have a nice day.
I will.
You, too.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, by the way, - if you find Lataurus - [LOCKS CLICKING.]
you tell him old Chen hasn't forgotten.
- [BELL JINGLES.]
- Thank you.
- [CELLPHONE RINGING.]
- Ugh! [SIGHS.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Hello? JUDGE PRICE: There's something you need to see.
DEX: Is that his earring? Yeah, he's had this "dude" earring since 1992.
It's played out.
Maybe he cut his own ear off.
Stop.
These people are mutilating your brother.
Yeah, this was delivered with a new note saying they need the money by 24 hours.
Okay, well, then, you need to make a choice.
Either we go to the cops or you get the money and I'll facilitate a drop.
That's what I hired you for to fix stuff.
Dwaddle does not have Lataurus.
He didn't even know that you guys are brothers.
Yeah, well, maybe it's my fault.
Maybe I've protected him too much.
Or maybe I just made him feel like he wasn't enough.
I need you to save my brother.
Can you do it? Who drops off your packages? Nines and threes, head on a swivel.
[GRUNTS.]
Ah.
Bobby.
Just the man I'm looking for.
Do you remember this package? Came in sometime today.
Yeah.
Dude dropped it off.
I directed him to the courier-drop location, but he insisted I deliver it.
Got back in his car and was out before I could say "Screw you.
" Do you remember what he looks like? Ah, if I remembered the face of every person who set foot on this lot, I'd be securing a lot more than this.
Okay, so you took an unidentified package from an unidentified stranger and delivered it without any type of screening? Look around you, lady.
This ain't the Pentagon.
Wait.
He was driving a red Lancer.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
He was He was the blue F-150.
Maybe a motor scooter.
I Bobby, this this may challenge you, but I'm gonna need you to think really hard, okay? Was there anything that jumped out at you? Anything at all? Well, I don't remember his looks exactly, but homeboy was funky, "fa sho.
" Yeah.
The smell took me back.
Okay, that's good.
Good.
Um, what kinda funk are we talking about? Like, um Grandma's Brussels sprouts or a locker room? - What? - No, no.
My little sister had a pet hamster when we were kids.
She never cleaned that thing's cage, ever not once in three years.
- That kinda funk.
- [SIGHS.]
Thanks, Bobby.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATING.]
You gonna answer? - [CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
- We're working.
I mean, it's okay.
You can answer the phone.
Look, you sure your hunch was right? Maybe this guy doesn't show.
He's gonna show.
Never met anyone like her, man.
Dex is a strange bird.
She dances to her own beat.
That's for sure.
Are we doing this? - Talking about Dex? - Mm-hmm.
I feel like we've been avoiding it for the last 10 hours.
We got nothing else to say to each other.
But, look, man, if, uh if you don't want to talk about it It's all good.
I took my shot.
Move on.
Yeah, believe me, I get it.
Sometimes with Dex, it's best to move on.
There's our guy.
PPB.
Hands on the car.
Hands on the car.
[HANDCUFFS CLICK.]
[BIRD CAWS IN DISTANCE.]
I didn't know you had it in ya.
Now you know.
When do I get outta here? County? 18 months.
What?! I gave up my friends.
You didn't give me El Chapo, bruh.
You just gave me two petty car thieves named Butter and Fat Daryl.
I've been to jail.
I can't go back.
Tough break.
What if I give you something else? I don't think you can give me what I need, playboy.
The people I work for? They don't just steal cars.
They're into something way bigger.
Speak.
Your brother was right under my nose.
I-I knew that something was off.
Chen has him in his shop.
How do we get in there? Well, we're gonna have to lure Chen out.
How? Snakes.
Snakes?! No, it's all legit.
It's coastal taipan.
Yeah, I had a friend of mine take them out of a container on a dock.
Right.
Y-Yeah No.
We thought they were cashmere suits.
They turned out to be exotic animals.
And you're the guy to talk to.
I'll meet you at the Ace Hotel, in the lobby.
Right.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
What? Well, there they are.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
All right, let's go.
Let's check back here.
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
Okay.
We have to hustle, all right? Ears? Where's the key? - [SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
- He's got both of his ears.
Oh, my God.
Can you help me with this, please? Ah, man.
- Aah! - All right.
Get me up out of here! That wasn't his ears.
Now, this could be a con, right? Really, bruh? Well, whose ear did they send? Man, I don't know nothing about no ear! Okay, we got to go.
Can we talk about this later? What you talking about an ear, man? I'm in a cage, man! - No, the whole ear thing.
- Man, I'm in a cage back here, man.
No, it seems crazy, but the ear I don't want to hear nothing about no ear! - [GUN COCKS.]
- You'd be surprised to hear how easy it is to obtain an ear.
Don't worry, Judge.
They were already dead.
Bruh, this dude is sick, man.
Okay, this is over.
Okay? We're walking out of here.
Not before I get my civet cats or $5 million.
The cops are gonna be here any second, and you don't want to have to explain all of this.
This black bastard stole from me! - What did you take? - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Black bastard? - CHEN: Yes! Now, hold on a second, man.
Put the gun down and say it again.
Come on, man.
Let it go.
Man, I ain't letting nothing go, man! And I ain't no idiot! You are an idiot! I'm not an idiot! You're sitting up here with this man with this gun! [INDISTINCT ARGUING.]
Enough! I want what I am owed! Go ahead, man.
Come on.
No, shoot me.
- Stop.
Don't.
- What are you doing? Stop.
No, no, no, no.
I got this.
I got this.
He ain't gonna shoot nobody.
Fortune cookie say you ain't got the heart, you little old, short, Mr.
Miyagi wannabe, man.
Let me tell you something.
Hey, bruh, let me tell you something.
This dude This dude been making making out with ferrets all week, man.
You shut up! Aah! - No! - Bro! - [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
- Let go! - You! - [GRUNTING.]
Breathe, bruh! Aah! [GROANING.]
Are you done yet? [SCREAMS.]
Don't die on me, brother.
I love you, man.
Come on, little bro.
Come on, man! Breathe! - Where's he hit? - Stay with me.
In the chest, right over here.
Come on, bro.
Come on, little brother.
- Don't die on me, man.
- All right.
Don't you die on me, man! Breathe! Come on, man! I'm sorry, man! Hey.
[SIGHS.]
Visitor.
Brought you some wings.
Lemon pepper? Only kind.
Aw, thanks.
[BOX THUDS.]
Hey.
[MONITOR BEEPING.]
You always the lucky one.
2 inches, I would've been dead.
Oh, come on, bruh.
You know I'm not good with this stuff.
Yeah.
You know, but thank you.
Hey, you remember when those kids stole your bike? Yeah.
And I had to go up to that house and demand to get your bike back and got the snot kicked out of me? Yeah.
Consider us even.
Yeah.
I think he's trying to say he's sorry.
I love you, brother.
And I ain't just saying that 'cause you're my brother.
I love you because you're funny, you're bright.
I even pretend to be you on television sometimes.
I know you can be more than who you are.
Man, I want you to come out to L.
A.
and live with me, man, and get a job and get your life back on track.
Or I can give you $250,000 so you can get your cats out of customs.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
And I'll never see you again.
How fast can you wire the money? Tomorrow.
Look here, bruh.
I gotta do me.
You know? I-I-I don't want to be the one, you know, living in my younger brother's shadow.
But I love you.
Love you, too.
And you tell Mama I love her.
Love you, too, man.
Love you, bruh.
I gotta go, man.
I got to get up on out of here.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
You're a good brother.
They say time with cats is never wasted.
But sometimes you got to let the cat go.
[SIGHS.]
Well, uh have to let him go.
Who's that? Sometimes the cat does not want to come back.
You're freaking me out.
What are you talking about? Ansel.
I-I-I don't know why he wants to move out.
I don't know what I did.
I don't have to.
He's his own person.
Or he needs to become his own person.
Well, cool.
You're gonna let him move out, huh? Yeah.
It's the right thing to do.
Well, he can crash with me for a bit.
Really? I don't know.
That's, uh That's a lot to ask.
Oh, it could be fun.
Could be a lot of work.
You think he'd be into it? I don't know.
This is gonna be awesome! It sure is.
Those three bottom drawers are yours, and I cleared some space for your other stuff.
Okay, so, um I wrote some things down I thought you should know.
- Okay.
- Um He doesn't like to floss.
Who does? Well, nobody, but Ansel doesn't need to know that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Got it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nice try, but no.
You're on the couch.
When you come home and you see a sock on the door, that means wait downstairs.
So, I think we're, like, um co-parenting now or something.
Oh, I don't think that's true.
I think we're all grown-ups here.
[SIGHING.]
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess I'm alone.
It's weird and good.
I think it's putting me on the right track.
Yeah.
Um Are you happy? Yeah.
Then I'm happy, too.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm gonna go down to the bar.
See you guys.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- You got it.
What's this? - Open it.
- Is this for me? [CHUCKLES.]
Buddy.
Ohh.
Oh, buddy.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't know what to say.
You're ready to be on your own.
Yeah.
I'm always gonna need you, though.
I know.
We are gonna be okay, sis.
Yeah.
Come here.
[BILLIARD BALLS CLACK, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
He flipped.
Carjacker just gave us the identities of his partners.
Well, nice work.
Nice work, you.
- Cheers.
- [CLINK.]
I think we're just scratching the surface here, you know? This whole car-ring thing, I think it's just a front for something bigger according to the kid.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- I want you to go undercover.
I knew you were gonna say that, and no, I'm not a cop.
No, but you know more about cars than anybody I could hire to go undercover, so I need somebody who's going to, um get inside with these people.
I need somebody who's got enough dirt on him to play the part.
Look, I don't know if I should be flattered or pissed off, but either way, I'm not doing it, Hoffman.
I'm not interested.
This is my fault, okay? I think I gave you the illusion of a choice.
That half-a-mil of Kane's was never found.
The case could reopen if I don't find something to focus on.
So you ready? [THE POLICE'S "WALKING ON THE MOON" PLAYS.]
Giant steps are what you take Walking on the moon I hope my legs don't break Walking on the moon We could walk forever Walking on the moon We could be together DEX: I want to I just want to do this alone.
Walking on the moon Walking back Grey, it's on.
Great.
I found the cat, and Ms.
Whitmore - Variety.
- she refused to pay me the $500.
My first beer.
Yeah.
Glad you're here.
She's lying.
SPECTATORS: He'll be the judge of that! JUDGE PRICE: Power to the people! SPECTATORS: Power to the people! JUDGE PRICE: That's what I'm talking about.
My feet don't hardly make no sound Walking on Walking on the moon Some may say I'm wishing my days away No way And if it's the price I pay Some say Tomorrow's another day You stay I may as well play
Neither do I.
I wanted to tell you, but Dex said keep it quiet.
You destroyed my relationship with Liz and yours with Hoffman.
I don't want you around.
Okay, wait.
Right there! Do you see that? She's dumping her drink in my glass.
I mean, she's trying to get me drunk.
LIZ: You can't have a relationship as long as she's in your life.
No one can get as close to you as she can.
Dex, I want to move out.
You want to what? - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Okay, hold that thought, all right? Hi.
Can we talk? Yeah.
All rise.
Judge Antonio Price presiding.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- You can be seated.
Mrs.
Whitmore, you're being accused of failure to pay for services rendered.
Falsely.
Oh.
Well, case is over with.
Uh, Bailiff, track me down some Speedos and a couple mai tais.
I'm headed to Hawaii.
[LAUGHTER.]
Now, Ms.
Pario, um, you were hired to find Ms.
Whitmore's best friend, Harry.
- Am I correct? - Yes.
I couldn't hear you.
Yes.
I was hired.
Cut it.
Cut it.
Cut it.
Cut it.
[BUZZER.]
PRODUCER: All right.
That's a cut.
Has anyone told this woman to only address me? Only a hundred times.
I I was looking at the camera.
So, Ms.
Pario, is that your coat right there? - Yes.
- Okay, put it on.
I'd like for both of you ladies to look like cat ladies in here.
I want the younger one to see her future self.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Don't even like cats.
- Going again.
- All right.
We're rolling! - [BELL RINGS.]
- Okay, Ms.
Pario - It's Parios.
Parios.
you're a private investigator, right? - Mm-hmm.
- And you were hired by Ms.
Whitmore to find her best friend, Harry? - Yes.
- And who is Harry? - A cat.
- [LAUGHTER.]
I found it the cat the thing the cat.
Ms.
Whitmore was supposed to pay me $500.
Did Ms.
Parios return the cat? She returned a cat.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Not my Harry.
She says the cat was returned not Harry.
I think she would know.
[LAUGHTER.]
Uh, Your Honor, I have a picture here that Ms.
Whitmore gave me Let Let me see it.
Let me see it.
Thank you.
Um, and this is the photo that I took right after I found him.
As you can tell, Harry has a very distinguishing feature.
Missing a leg.
I see that.
Ms.
Whitmore, are you accusing Ms.
Parios of finding another three-legged cat and pretending it was Harry? Well, I-I-I don't know what she did.
A-And b-besides, I never agreed to pay her anything.
She's lying.
SPECTATORS: He'll be the judge of that! Power to the people! SPECTATORS: Power to the people! JUDGE PRICE: That's what I'm talking about.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, if this ain't sweet, sweet Harry, - then "Green Book" ain't a masterpiece.
- [LIGHT LAUGHTER.]
- Ms.
Pario - It's Parios.
supply the contract between you and Ms.
Whitmore, and the judgment is yours.
Yeah, I'm, uh I'm more of a handshake kind of gal.
[SPECTATORS BOO.]
Well, without a contract, there's no way to prove that you had an agreement.
- No, you're wrong.
- I can't be wrong.
SPECTATORS: He's the judge! - [SIGHS.]
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Oregon state does not require a contract.
A verbal agreement will suffice, Your Honor.
Uh, but you would know that because you're the judge! Well, they say time spent with a cat is never wasted.
And it appears in this judgment that the favor goes to the plaintiff - Oh! - which is the amount of $500, and y'all know the rest.
SPECTATORS: Reality checks don't bounce! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Judge Price would like to see you in his chambers.
[SIGHS.]
Chambers? Thought this was a TV set.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Come on.
Ah.
Your Honor.
Ms.
Parios.
I thought I'd find you eating the whole side of a cow at some fancy steakhouse.
I'm lemon-pepper wet all day.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, so so, what can I do for you? - One, that was great in there.
- Thank you.
Second, I need your services.
I need you to track down someone.
I'm sure you have people who can do that for you.
It's a personal matter.
I got a big brother of a pain in the ass named Lataurus.
I bought him and my mom a house here in my hometown.
Lataurus sold the house and took all the money.
Now he won't return none of my calls.
Ah.
Well, that does sound bad.
Okay, well, I'll need his full name, a recent photo.
Here's the pictures.
I want you to serve his ass.
And, hopefully, he won't show up in court, and they'll throw his ass in jail.
Maybe there's a softer approach here.
This is your brother.
Lataurus don't respond to nothing but a hammer.
Across his head.
Repeatedly.
Well, suit yourself.
Ms.
Parios, you got siblings? Yeah, I have a younger brother.
Then I know you know how it feels to have to clean up messes all the time.
Yep, I do.
I'll be in touch.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE.]
Hey, hey, I was on, uh, TV today.
Passed out on the street again? What? - That is just That is mean, bro! - [LAUGHS.]
That's so mean! I wasn't passed out.
No, I was on a court show, and I won.
And the judge was he was so impressed with me that he gave me a job.
My highest rate yet.
I'm proud of you.
You're doing good.
- Yeah.
- Great.
Thank you.
I'm gonna grab another beer.
You want anything? Yeah, we we need to talk about me moving out.
Oh.
You were, uh You were serious about that.
I am serious.
I'm ready to be a man.
Yeah, okay.
Um [SMACKS LIPS.]
Uh, you know what? It's bedtime.
Why don't we talk about that tomorrow? [DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
- [KNOCKS.]
- You wanted to see me? Um, not me.
The Captain.
- Detective Hoffman.
- Captain.
Taking down Kane was huge.
Everyone appreciates the work you're doing.
And with great work comes great reward.
Just doing my job, Captain.
Two words.
Sorry, one word, one number Matchbox Twenty.
Matchbox Twenty? Front row.
Moda Center.
I can't go.
Oh.
I definitely have plans.
I promise, you're gonna love my wife.
I don't follow.
I can't go.
Gotten a monsoon of death threats since I cancelled the annual pug parade.
My wife has her heart set on going.
I don't feel safe with her going alone.
You make sure you get her down there and back safely.
In return, one front-row seat for one of America's great treasures.
Mm.
Win-win.
Cosgrove said you were the only man for the job.
You're welcome.
You set me up.
Yeah.
Little payback for that time that you filled my car with animal crackers after I got back from safari.
Hey, listen, you have a great time at that concert, Hoffman.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[TELEPHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE.]
Hey.
Hey.
- I need your help.
- You need my help.
Of course.
Are we doing this? Being weird after After what? I have a case.
I'm trying to serve this guy, and, um he's a ghost.
Okay, well I have access to the same databases as you now that you're, uh, licensed.
Yeah, but that's the problem.
I can't get a hit.
So I just wondered if you knew someone who could tell me something.
I'm just trying to be normal.
Normal or not, I am, uh, busy, and I do have my own job, so Yeah, I know.
I-I-I-I get that.
It's just Lataurus Price Jr.
, he sold his family home behind his brother's back, kicked his mom to the curb.
I mean, left her out on her ass.
Just trying to find him.
What do you got? Nice taper.
It's hard to come by in Portland.
I might have a lead.
Yeah? Yeah.
Well, hey, if you want to go out for a drink sometime or something, you know, as friends I'll hit you back if I find something.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I been grindin' all my life All my life, been grindin' all my life Sacrificed, hustled HOFFMAN: Man, I love Dame more than anyone.
But you're wrong.
No doubt he'd get more MVP love if he was balling in Philly or LA.
Well, you know, the media doesn't respect Portland.
Why should they? They got to win a title first.
You win the title, then you get the accolades.
It's that simple.
Man, this is the year.
No doubt.
- Man - Nope.
Y'all young cats got to stop dreaming so much.
- [SCOFFS.]
- Hey, here you go.
Appreciate it.
Oh, big tip.
I know.
I need a favor.
Shoot.
I'm looking for someone.
Bruh, you know I don't snitch.
I know.
It's not on a cop tip.
I'm pretty sure you're responsible for that cut.
Scumbag.
Where can I find him? Where scumbags hang out.
- [AUDIENCE WHISTLING.]
- Ready, set, go, move Ready, set, go, move Ready, set, go, move - Hey, baby, you're killing me.
- Ready, set, go, move Move Lemme see you move, move, move Lemme see you move, move, move Lemme see you move, move, move - ANNOUNCER: third down.
- LATAURUS: Man! That's gonna bring up fourth down.
That's what I'm talking about.
They're gonna have to throw it towards the end zone Lataurus Price? Shh! Fourth down.
Three seconds to go.
Touchdown I win 10 large! [SIGHS.]
Bring it home to Daddy, baby.
He drops back, looking downfield There's nothing there! [ALL SHOUTING.]
Damn! You jinxed me! Not the result we were hoping for? [SCOFFS.]
Damn! All right, fellas.
Come on.
Pay up.
All right, well, listen, um Swear it ain't fair Yo! Where do you think you're going?! - You got wheels? - Yeah.
- Hey! - Run! Get back over here! Hey! - Get outta the way! - [GLASS SHATTERS.]
Hey! Pay us our money! [DOOR SLAMS.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
Baby, come back Ah, thank you.
Who are you? You've been served.
There was something Hey! - In everything about you - Yo, man! Stop! - [TIRES SQUEAL.]
- Baby, come back I'm that dude! [LAUGHS.]
Thanks for letting me use the bathroom.
I wasn't sure whether to use the kitty litter or - What are you doing? - I'm trying to get the hell out of here.
They tryin' to kill me! Well, you did just stiff a bookie.
Not them.
Girl, look around.
Yeah, I I don't know what any of this is.
Look, I'm in the Kopi luwak game.
- Uh-huh.
- Coffee.
These cages are supposed to be filled with these civet cats from Indonesia.
What they do is, they they they swallow these little coffee cherries, and then they and then they poo-poo out this little old bean worth about $500 a pour.
Okay, I can't believe I'm asking you this, but you you sold your family's home to invest in, uh - uh, kwapi llama - No, no, no.
Kopi luwak coffee.
Look here, girl.
Scared money don't make money.
And my cats, well, they got held up in customs, all right? Look, I-I-I-I-I'm not great with paperwork.
I'm I'm what you would call more of a - a macro guy.
- Uh-huh.
And my partner, Dwaddle Chen, I'm-a tell you something right now, man, that dude, he wants his cash.
The money that I put down on that game was to pay Chen a little something.
Oh, cool story.
Cool.
Cool, cool.
Um, but you can't go, because if you're a no-show for the summons, you're gonna go to jail.
Jail?! I don't care nothing about no jail! Chen is trying to kill me! But you can help me disappear.
Oh, no.
I-I have a client your brother.
Aw, yeah, yeah.
I can imagine the lies you done heard from Tone.
Well, looks like he hit the nail on the head.
Listen, that boy has been dogging me since we were kids.
You don't understand.
Okay, I'm not in the family-mending business, but you guys should really get in the room and just kind of talk things out.
No, no.
What I need to do is get out of town.
They're trying to kill me.
Okay.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go.
This has been fun, though.
Yeah, fun.
Yeah, it's been fun.
Job well done.
Money's on the table.
Uh you know, your brother seemed genuinely afraid.
Who else did he owe? Well, there's this guy, uh, Duddle Chen.
I think your brother took the money from the sale of the house and partnered with Chen on these cats.
You know what? I, uh, I know that Lataurus is in trouble.
- Half inch off the cuff.
- TAILOR: Of course.
Look, he's not my brother.
I can walk out of here, rest easy, or I could stay on payroll and look into it.
You know, I'm being honored by my fraternity Alpha Phi Alpha.
Real brothers.
But if Lataurus is in danger, my mom is gonna be sick.
So go ahead and waste your time.
Do we need a contract, or or are we good? [CHUCKLES.]
We just might feel good I wanna push you around Well, I will, well, I will DAISY: Well, I will, well, I will I wanna push you down, but I will - I wanna push you down but I will Can you believe that Matchbox encored with "3AM" over "Push"? - Unbelievable.
- [SCOFFS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
It was a unbelievable show.
You got a good husband.
He's not good at everything.
- I will - [CLEARS THROAT.]
[PUMP CLICKS.]
Oh, look at that.
All set.
Uh, let's get you let's get you, uh, home.
We got a long, long drive here.
- A-A-Ahem.
- Yeah? I'm out of Dentyne.
Like, I'm a little untrusting When I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya And I don't know why you [CHIME RINGS.]
Baby, don't you wanna get yo, get yo game up, game up Tell yo girlfriends how you met me And how you done came up [TIRES SCREECH.]
[CAR DOORS OPEN, INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
DAISY: Help! [WHIMPERS.]
Help! No, no, no, no, no! [TIRES SQUEAL.]
[GROANS.]
I'm sorry.
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE.]
Here.
Get down.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Okay, okay.
- I got you.
- Where were you?! [TIRES SQUEAL.]
You had one job.
And you threw me under the boss.
Everybody around here plays practical jokes.
I thought, "I'm gonna get in on the action.
" Nope.
It backfired.
I tried this sense-of-humor thing.
It sucks.
I'm done.
Look, you have my word that the guys in auto theft will will not drop the ball on this.
I'll make sure of it.
Yeah, you wish.
You made this mess.
You are gonna clean it up.
Whoa, Lieutenant, I-I haven't worked an auto-theft case in over a decade.
I-I don't have any contacts, no sources.
[CELLPHONE RINGING.]
Hmm.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Hello, Captain White.
Yes, I know.
Detective Hoffman apologizes profusely.
- Yeah.
- [QUIETLY.]
No, I don't.
Please, don't worry about it.
He is all over it.
Good night.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
[SIGHS.]
You are such a jackass.
I saw the video.
I know there's two sides to the story, okay? So you and Liz There's no more me and Liz.
I I would never, uh, intentionally hurt you.
Look, I shouldn't have unloaded on you.
All right? That was unfair.
Well, what else were you supposed to think? [BILLIARD BALLS CLACK.]
[SIGHS.]
Look - Look, I'm I'm - Okay, yeah, let's I got an idea.
Let's do this instead.
This is a better idea.
I'd get down with this.
How about we just do this and move on? - Really? - Really.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come on.
- Yeah? - We good? We're good.
[GLASSES CLINK.]
Mm.
All right.
What you been up to? Well, I got a new case two brothers, and, uh I can't stop thinking about them.
Oh, yeah? What's it about? Well, you know, just how they talk about each other, how much they hate each other, how sad that is, and, um it made me realize - I'm avoiding my own brother.
Why are you avoiding your brother? [SIGHS.]
Ansel wants to move out.
That's great.
It's natural.
He wants his own independence.
Why? I-I let him have pasta for breakfast and and pancakes for dinner.
I mean, what else could a kid want? For starters, he's not a kid anymore.
He's 21.
Yeah, whose side are you on, anyway? I didn't know there were sides.
When you're talking to me, yeah, there are.
- Pretty clear.
[SIGHS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Look, Dex, you can't avoid your brother forever.
Well, thank you for the wisdom.
I gotta go corral another ungrateful sibling.
Sounds good.
Thanks for the shot.
Yeah.
So, we're good? Yeah.
Good.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing here? - I'm here to see Grey.
Oh.
Okay.
See ya around.
- McConnell.
- Yeah.
Everything cool with you two? [DOOR OPENS.]
We're good.
I'm looking for something.
Custom, fully loaded, 2019 Audi.
Since when does a homicide detective track stolen property? Since that stolen vehicle belonged to my boss's boss.
Look, this is your world.
I'm looking for any chop shops that it might have been dropped off.
No, Hoffman.
It was my world a long time ago.
Really? Oh.
'Cause it wasn't that long ago that I remember a certain somebody who, uh, was facing hard time, you know, for jacking a museum with Wallace Kane and somehow, someway didn't do any time.
I get it.
Even if I knew a shop, Hoffman, there's no way a cop could just waltz in there asking questions.
Yeah, I figured as much, so you still on your game? [INSECTS CHIRPING.]
Lataurus? [SIGHS.]
- Here he is.
- Thank you.
Hey.
Can I talk to you? Yeah.
Pardon me for a second.
What's going on? Uh, well, uh Lataurus was not lying.
What, about the kidnapping? Yes.
Look what was in my dressing room this morning.
Hm.
A ransom note? - Yeah.
- They want $5 million in 48 hours? Yeah, or Lataurus loses an ear.
This is a bit of an overshot, don't you think? $5 million? Who do they think you are, Oprah or something? I made $31 million this year.
What? You I'm sorry.
That's not I I mean, seriously, how is that h why? "Reality checks don't bounce.
" Look, this is pathetic.
You know? This is a new low, even for Lataurus.
Wait, you think you think he wrote this? I wouldn't doubt it.
I went by his place, though.
I saw blood.
There was There was sign of a struggle.
I mean, either he's, like, a mad genius or he's in some serious trouble.
I've been dragged into this nonsense forever.
I spent a lifetime doing this with him.
Okay, I think we should consider going to the cops.
No, that's gonna make a mess, we're gonna end up in social media, and all this fake news is gonna turn into big news.
Okay, well, do you want to pay this? My brother's not worth $5 million.
Okay.
Um, I'm still on retainer, so I would like to check out this Chen character.
I want to tell you something.
My brother he screws everyone over.
I mean, everybody.
Be careful.
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS INDISTINCTLY.]
[INDISTINCT TALKING, TOOLS WHIRRING.]
Greyson McConnell.
Last I heard, you got scared straight.
[CHUCKLING.]
No, no, no.
No, I just took a little break.
I got a bar downtown.
You need an oil change? No, I'm looking for a custom Audi.
It got stolen from somebody who can't really have things stolen from them.
And that Audi belongs to a cop's wife.
Oh, really? You're gonna do me like that? You doing that? Guy gets out of the joint, goes legit, then shows up talking about cops.
Forgive me for being cautious.
No, you got it wrong.
I'm just trying to help an honest patron get his car back.
Well, good luck.
If I hear anything, I'll make sure and give you a call.
Yeah, come to my bar.
Bad Alibi.
Drinks on me.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What's the story? Well, he said he hasn't seen the car, but he's lying.
I saw your gal's custom decal, so I told them who the car belonged to.
You think Zev's gonna make a move on that? Oh, yeah, Zev's a pro.
He'll call the guy, tear him a new one for selling him super-hot goods, and, uh, he'll toss the car back to the suspect.
So we sit.
Did you say "we"? And, what, we just wait? Yeah.
Now you're catching on.
[ENGINES REVVING ON TV.]
[BEEP.]
Hey.
Uh So, I've been thinking, and I-I hear ya, okay? So let's make a deal.
I'm gonna extend your curfew, and I'm I'm gonna back off.
I'm gonna give you some space, okay? And then we will revisit this in a couple of months.
I want to move out.
Yeah, I just I can't afford that right now.
I have the money.
I've been saving.
It's not about the money.
It's just you're not ready, Ans.
I am.
[SIGHS.]
Why are you being like this? Why Why are you mad? I'm I'm just I don't get it.
I found a place for people like me.
No, you're not living with strangers.
That is not happening, okay? You know what? I'm done talking about this with you.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[BOTTLES CLANK.]
[BOTTLE CAP CLINKS.]
[SIGHS.]
[COMPUTER BEEPS.]
[BELL JINGLES.]
[BIRD SQUAWKS.]
[DOOR CLOSES, BELL JINGLES.]
Whew! Ohh.
Can we get a courtesy fan in here? Animals secrete pheromones.
Like all things, you get used to it.
You call about the ferrets? Uh, the what? I will only give them to a good home.
No, uh didn't call about the ferrets.
People say they want ferrets and hamsters, and then they treat them terrible.
Ah.
My grandson.
You feed him? Clean the cage? All set.
Sleeping.
Good boy.
So, uh, can I help you with anything? Uh, yeah, this is probably a long shot, but I'm, uh I'm looking for Lataurus Price.
He owes me some money, and I think he might owe you, too.
[LOCKS CLICKING.]
And who is asking? [ANIMALS CHATTERING.]
[SCOFFS.]
I am.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
I'm an only child.
I found a dog on the street when I was a kid.
I took her in.
We were pals.
She was so grateful.
Animals are very grateful.
Unlike people.
Look, I think that we both want the same thing here.
So You like snakes? Mnh.
[SNAKE HISSES.]
No.
Not particularly, no.
The coastal taipan.
Even if you don't like snakes, you have to respect their efficiency.
Cobras and pythons, they get all the press, but the taipan is far more deadly.
Look.
I'm a private investigator, okay? Antonio Price hired me to find his missing brother.
Someone kidnapped him, and and now they're extorting Antonio for the ransom.
Antonio Price? Judge Price is Lataurus' brother? Yeah.
BOTH: Reality checks don't bounce! [ALL CHUCKLE.]
I would love to get my hands on Lataurus.
He said he had a line on some civet cats.
They're impossible to get these days.
Something about coffee.
Man, Portland went from weird to stupid.
I didn't kidnap Lataurus.
But I wouldn't mind introducing him to my snakes.
All right.
I'm gonna go now.
Well, you have a nice day.
I will.
You, too.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, by the way, - if you find Lataurus - [LOCKS CLICKING.]
you tell him old Chen hasn't forgotten.
- [BELL JINGLES.]
- Thank you.
- [CELLPHONE RINGING.]
- Ugh! [SIGHS.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Hello? JUDGE PRICE: There's something you need to see.
DEX: Is that his earring? Yeah, he's had this "dude" earring since 1992.
It's played out.
Maybe he cut his own ear off.
Stop.
These people are mutilating your brother.
Yeah, this was delivered with a new note saying they need the money by 24 hours.
Okay, well, then, you need to make a choice.
Either we go to the cops or you get the money and I'll facilitate a drop.
That's what I hired you for to fix stuff.
Dwaddle does not have Lataurus.
He didn't even know that you guys are brothers.
Yeah, well, maybe it's my fault.
Maybe I've protected him too much.
Or maybe I just made him feel like he wasn't enough.
I need you to save my brother.
Can you do it? Who drops off your packages? Nines and threes, head on a swivel.
[GRUNTS.]
Ah.
Bobby.
Just the man I'm looking for.
Do you remember this package? Came in sometime today.
Yeah.
Dude dropped it off.
I directed him to the courier-drop location, but he insisted I deliver it.
Got back in his car and was out before I could say "Screw you.
" Do you remember what he looks like? Ah, if I remembered the face of every person who set foot on this lot, I'd be securing a lot more than this.
Okay, so you took an unidentified package from an unidentified stranger and delivered it without any type of screening? Look around you, lady.
This ain't the Pentagon.
Wait.
He was driving a red Lancer.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
He was He was the blue F-150.
Maybe a motor scooter.
I Bobby, this this may challenge you, but I'm gonna need you to think really hard, okay? Was there anything that jumped out at you? Anything at all? Well, I don't remember his looks exactly, but homeboy was funky, "fa sho.
" Yeah.
The smell took me back.
Okay, that's good.
Good.
Um, what kinda funk are we talking about? Like, um Grandma's Brussels sprouts or a locker room? - What? - No, no.
My little sister had a pet hamster when we were kids.
She never cleaned that thing's cage, ever not once in three years.
- That kinda funk.
- [SIGHS.]
Thanks, Bobby.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATING.]
You gonna answer? - [CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
- We're working.
I mean, it's okay.
You can answer the phone.
Look, you sure your hunch was right? Maybe this guy doesn't show.
He's gonna show.
Never met anyone like her, man.
Dex is a strange bird.
She dances to her own beat.
That's for sure.
Are we doing this? - Talking about Dex? - Mm-hmm.
I feel like we've been avoiding it for the last 10 hours.
We got nothing else to say to each other.
But, look, man, if, uh if you don't want to talk about it It's all good.
I took my shot.
Move on.
Yeah, believe me, I get it.
Sometimes with Dex, it's best to move on.
There's our guy.
PPB.
Hands on the car.
Hands on the car.
[HANDCUFFS CLICK.]
[BIRD CAWS IN DISTANCE.]
I didn't know you had it in ya.
Now you know.
When do I get outta here? County? 18 months.
What?! I gave up my friends.
You didn't give me El Chapo, bruh.
You just gave me two petty car thieves named Butter and Fat Daryl.
I've been to jail.
I can't go back.
Tough break.
What if I give you something else? I don't think you can give me what I need, playboy.
The people I work for? They don't just steal cars.
They're into something way bigger.
Speak.
Your brother was right under my nose.
I-I knew that something was off.
Chen has him in his shop.
How do we get in there? Well, we're gonna have to lure Chen out.
How? Snakes.
Snakes?! No, it's all legit.
It's coastal taipan.
Yeah, I had a friend of mine take them out of a container on a dock.
Right.
Y-Yeah No.
We thought they were cashmere suits.
They turned out to be exotic animals.
And you're the guy to talk to.
I'll meet you at the Ace Hotel, in the lobby.
Right.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
What? Well, there they are.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
All right, let's go.
Let's check back here.
[MUFFLED SHOUTING.]
Okay.
We have to hustle, all right? Ears? Where's the key? - [SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
- He's got both of his ears.
Oh, my God.
Can you help me with this, please? Ah, man.
- Aah! - All right.
Get me up out of here! That wasn't his ears.
Now, this could be a con, right? Really, bruh? Well, whose ear did they send? Man, I don't know nothing about no ear! Okay, we got to go.
Can we talk about this later? What you talking about an ear, man? I'm in a cage, man! - No, the whole ear thing.
- Man, I'm in a cage back here, man.
No, it seems crazy, but the ear I don't want to hear nothing about no ear! - [GUN COCKS.]
- You'd be surprised to hear how easy it is to obtain an ear.
Don't worry, Judge.
They were already dead.
Bruh, this dude is sick, man.
Okay, this is over.
Okay? We're walking out of here.
Not before I get my civet cats or $5 million.
The cops are gonna be here any second, and you don't want to have to explain all of this.
This black bastard stole from me! - What did you take? - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Black bastard? - CHEN: Yes! Now, hold on a second, man.
Put the gun down and say it again.
Come on, man.
Let it go.
Man, I ain't letting nothing go, man! And I ain't no idiot! You are an idiot! I'm not an idiot! You're sitting up here with this man with this gun! [INDISTINCT ARGUING.]
Enough! I want what I am owed! Go ahead, man.
Come on.
No, shoot me.
- Stop.
Don't.
- What are you doing? Stop.
No, no, no, no.
I got this.
I got this.
He ain't gonna shoot nobody.
Fortune cookie say you ain't got the heart, you little old, short, Mr.
Miyagi wannabe, man.
Let me tell you something.
Hey, bruh, let me tell you something.
This dude This dude been making making out with ferrets all week, man.
You shut up! Aah! - No! - Bro! - [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
- Let go! - You! - [GRUNTING.]
Breathe, bruh! Aah! [GROANING.]
Are you done yet? [SCREAMS.]
Don't die on me, brother.
I love you, man.
Come on, little bro.
Come on, man! Breathe! - Where's he hit? - Stay with me.
In the chest, right over here.
Come on, bro.
Come on, little brother.
- Don't die on me, man.
- All right.
Don't you die on me, man! Breathe! Come on, man! I'm sorry, man! Hey.
[SIGHS.]
Visitor.
Brought you some wings.
Lemon pepper? Only kind.
Aw, thanks.
[BOX THUDS.]
Hey.
[MONITOR BEEPING.]
You always the lucky one.
2 inches, I would've been dead.
Oh, come on, bruh.
You know I'm not good with this stuff.
Yeah.
You know, but thank you.
Hey, you remember when those kids stole your bike? Yeah.
And I had to go up to that house and demand to get your bike back and got the snot kicked out of me? Yeah.
Consider us even.
Yeah.
I think he's trying to say he's sorry.
I love you, brother.
And I ain't just saying that 'cause you're my brother.
I love you because you're funny, you're bright.
I even pretend to be you on television sometimes.
I know you can be more than who you are.
Man, I want you to come out to L.
A.
and live with me, man, and get a job and get your life back on track.
Or I can give you $250,000 so you can get your cats out of customs.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
And I'll never see you again.
How fast can you wire the money? Tomorrow.
Look here, bruh.
I gotta do me.
You know? I-I-I don't want to be the one, you know, living in my younger brother's shadow.
But I love you.
Love you, too.
And you tell Mama I love her.
Love you, too, man.
Love you, bruh.
I gotta go, man.
I got to get up on out of here.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
You're a good brother.
They say time with cats is never wasted.
But sometimes you got to let the cat go.
[SIGHS.]
Well, uh have to let him go.
Who's that? Sometimes the cat does not want to come back.
You're freaking me out.
What are you talking about? Ansel.
I-I-I don't know why he wants to move out.
I don't know what I did.
I don't have to.
He's his own person.
Or he needs to become his own person.
Well, cool.
You're gonna let him move out, huh? Yeah.
It's the right thing to do.
Well, he can crash with me for a bit.
Really? I don't know.
That's, uh That's a lot to ask.
Oh, it could be fun.
Could be a lot of work.
You think he'd be into it? I don't know.
This is gonna be awesome! It sure is.
Those three bottom drawers are yours, and I cleared some space for your other stuff.
Okay, so, um I wrote some things down I thought you should know.
- Okay.
- Um He doesn't like to floss.
Who does? Well, nobody, but Ansel doesn't need to know that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Got it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Nice try, but no.
You're on the couch.
When you come home and you see a sock on the door, that means wait downstairs.
So, I think we're, like, um co-parenting now or something.
Oh, I don't think that's true.
I think we're all grown-ups here.
[SIGHING.]
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess I'm alone.
It's weird and good.
I think it's putting me on the right track.
Yeah.
Um Are you happy? Yeah.
Then I'm happy, too.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm gonna go down to the bar.
See you guys.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- You got it.
What's this? - Open it.
- Is this for me? [CHUCKLES.]
Buddy.
Ohh.
Oh, buddy.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't know what to say.
You're ready to be on your own.
Yeah.
I'm always gonna need you, though.
I know.
We are gonna be okay, sis.
Yeah.
Come here.
[BILLIARD BALLS CLACK, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
He flipped.
Carjacker just gave us the identities of his partners.
Well, nice work.
Nice work, you.
- Cheers.
- [CLINK.]
I think we're just scratching the surface here, you know? This whole car-ring thing, I think it's just a front for something bigger according to the kid.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- I want you to go undercover.
I knew you were gonna say that, and no, I'm not a cop.
No, but you know more about cars than anybody I could hire to go undercover, so I need somebody who's going to, um get inside with these people.
I need somebody who's got enough dirt on him to play the part.
Look, I don't know if I should be flattered or pissed off, but either way, I'm not doing it, Hoffman.
I'm not interested.
This is my fault, okay? I think I gave you the illusion of a choice.
That half-a-mil of Kane's was never found.
The case could reopen if I don't find something to focus on.
So you ready? [THE POLICE'S "WALKING ON THE MOON" PLAYS.]
Giant steps are what you take Walking on the moon I hope my legs don't break Walking on the moon We could walk forever Walking on the moon We could be together DEX: I want to I just want to do this alone.
Walking on the moon Walking back Grey, it's on.
Great.
I found the cat, and Ms.
Whitmore - Variety.
- she refused to pay me the $500.
My first beer.
Yeah.
Glad you're here.
She's lying.
SPECTATORS: He'll be the judge of that! JUDGE PRICE: Power to the people! SPECTATORS: Power to the people! JUDGE PRICE: That's what I'm talking about.
My feet don't hardly make no sound Walking on Walking on the moon Some may say I'm wishing my days away No way And if it's the price I pay Some say Tomorrow's another day You stay I may as well play