Superjail! (2007) s01e10 Episode Script

# Life on the outside ain't what it used to be # # The world's gone crazy, and it ain't safe on the street # # It's a drag, and I know, there's only one place to go # # I'm coming home # Long ago, there was a god named War-den.
He made the world, and he called it Su'jal.
It was so big, he made three angels to help him rule.
And together, they lived there as one great tribe.
Then, the darkness came.
The War-den left Su'jal, and his angels left to find him.
And so began the great war.
The prophecies say that someday the War-den and his angels will return, reuniting Su'jal once more.
But until then, we must fight to crush the other tribes so our pure Aryan blood can rule Su'jal! Aah! Hey! Leave the Warden alone! It's okay.
You were just having another one of your nightmares.
Who are you? Why are you watching me sleep? Who, me? I am the bullet that assassinated President Hightower.
Only I never actually did it because, you know, time police.
How can they just drag me away like that? I didn't even do anything yet.
Well, neither did anyone else in here.
Welcome to time jail, Warden! What? Where am I now? Wait.
This this is No, no, no, Gerald! I tell you the prison walls are to be gray, and you give me "Morning Mist, "Siberian Headstone," "Pewter"?! Father! What the devil is it, boy?! Can't you see I'm trying to run a jail here?! I can help, father.
Look! I built a jail of my own! And I made a little flying man to watch over it.
Zzzwing! Zzzwing! Zzz Young man, this jail is no place for your childish tomfoolery or pie-in-the-sky flying rainbow whatsits! Aah! This is a serious place where serious men serve serious time for serious cr ohh! Ohh! Aah! Aah! Ohh! Aah! Looks like congratulations are in order, my boy.
You just became the youngest Warden in the free world.
Waaah! Cellphones! Get your cellphones here! Mother Aah! Help! Call 911! You wouldn't be trying to smuggle any suspicious packages, would you? No.
Relax, nervous Nelly.
This will only take a moment.
Or would you rather I take you 'round back and strip-search y Uh, take you 'round back and s Cut! Alice.
Alice, baby, what's the problem? I can't do this anymore.
But you're the best, baby.
Now, come on man up.
Let's do this, huh? All right, "suspicious package 8," take 2! I said no! No means no! No! Aah! Bird's right.
This is our home.
We should respect it.
Instead of living like animals, we can live in harmony.
We can be the founding fathers of a peaceful new utopia.
Let's build it Together! Sir! Wait! Sir! Unh! Sir! I can't believe it's you! Man, what the Sorry! I thought you were someone else.
Yeah, you thought wrong, bitch.
Aah! It's time.
She's beautiful.
Ugh! What kind of terrible purgatory is this?! Must I relive every horrible moment of my life? If you want, I guess.
And then, when I learn some sort of lesson and change my evil ways, then will the time police finally set me free? Mm no.
What?! Well, then when do I get out of here? Never.
I've been here for ages.
The only people I've ever seen come and go are # The time police # # Rejected by the time army, so I joined the time P.
D.
# Whoa, whoa, whoa! They're not the words.
You changed it.
# Only the last part # # It didn't rhyme # you! You don't change my words, man! # Where's my time stick? # $9.
50, pal.
Here you go, asshole.
You ball sucker! Take me to Superjail.
Alice? I want to go back, shorty.
But, Alice, I don't know how to get there anymore.
Me neither.
But I know someone who does.
Step on it! I'm hungry! I want a hot dog! Aah! Ohh! Snack time's over.
Let's get back to Superjail! I think I have gone to heaven and died.
I heart New York.
Fellas, fellas, I love the whole twin thing.
You two dudes ever, uh Done any acting? Negatory.
What do you say we go back to my place in the Bronx and we get some you know, some test shots? We say, "awesome.
" How do you guys feel about a little, uh tasteful nudity? What? This isn't gonna be pretty.
I hope they all killed each other.
H- hello? Can you let us in? Rawk! Cuckoo! Rawk! Open up, maggot, or there's gonna be ass to pay! What are you two doing outside of Superjail? Warden! I knew you couldn't leave us! I'm so glad you're back! I leave for a couple of hours and you guys let the whole place go to hell! But, sir, you've been gone for years! We tried to get in.
I think this stupid intercom's broken.
Must I do everything myself? War-den! War-den! War-den! Caaaw! The prophecies were true! Caaw! You have returned with your angels to rule over us once more! Caaaw! What's gotten into these inmates? A whole lot of bird dick, from the looks of it.
What happened to you guys? We do not want to talk about it.
Will someone please tell their Warden what is going on here?! Caaw! Have we done something to anger you, father War-den? Caaaw! Forgive us! We are yours to command! Aawk! "Forgive us! We are yours to command.
" Well, I hope you mean it, you dumb cluck! Because this has been the longest day of my life.
And I didn't build the most awesome jail the universe has ever seen just to let some stupid time jerk take it away from me! Everyone, hold hands! Warden of Superjail, by the powers vested in us, in the name of time court, we hereby find you I declare a mistrial! Lmpossible! Guess you didn't predict I'd get my hands on one of these, did you? This is not good.
Maybe I would have killed a million innocent people, and maybe I would have enslaved the entire planet Earth, but you see these miserable abominations? Rawk.
Hey.
They're what happened when I'm not in the world to run Superjail right.
I'm taking me out of here this instant and fixing everything you and your stupid time police have screwed up! You did it, me! Why didn't I think of that? Ah-ah, you will.
No! Stop touching yourself! This is a temporal anomaly! You will rupture the fabric of space/time! Aah! Aah! Aah!