Sweet Valley High (1994) s01e10 Episode Script
Uh Oh Seven
1 Ohh Ohh Look right down any crowded hall You see there's a beauty standing Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? One always calls out to you The other's shy and quiet Could there be two different girls Who look the same at Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High? Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Man, that was awesome.
Yeah, when the Obliterator blew up that armory? He totally vaporized the place.
That was so cool, wasn't it, Egman? Huh? Oh, yeah.
Amazing.
I thought it was lame.
Yeah, why don't movies ever have women as action heroes? Yeah, right.
Like some babe could compete with, like, Stallone or Schwarzenegger.
Women can be just as tough as men.
Enough chitchat.
You guys are boring me.
Let's hit the sushi bar.
Karaoke? I'm in.
Me, too.
Octopus.
Mmm.
Coming? You go ahead.
I'm going to work on that short story I'm submitting for Teen Lit magazine.
Right now? When you get a hot idea, you have to jump on it.
See you later.
Bye.
You've been at that all day.
It's about time you come up for air.
I'm not going to Judy's party.
I'm really into this.
What are you talking about? I can't go in alone.
I'll look like a total loser.
Jess, do you mind? Fine, I'm going.
But a little advice, sis.
You really want to get published? Write about someone with glamour.
Me.
Hmm.
- She was a woman.
- She was a spy.
She was Platinum Blonde.
Afternoon, Mannypenny.
You're looking fit.
Thank you, Platinum.
New Stepmaster.
Your café latte.
Extra foam.
Hmm.
Kenyan Roast with a hint of East Indian Nutmeg.
Just west of the New Delhi region, I believe.
If you're through trading coffee-roasting secrets with my secretary, Blonde, let's get down to business.
Goldfowler.
Notorious gambler and microchip magnate.
Recently gone into business with Pecs Galore, the tuna-canning tycoon.
Sounds like a match made on Wall Street.
Something big is up, Double D.
They are mortal enemies.
They never see each other except to socialize.
Socialize? This is a twisted love-hate relationship, Blonde.
Hmm.
Interesting.
They've been giving away free "Wacky Weasel" video games to major cities around the globe.
Awfully charitable of them.
Whatever they're up to, it's no damn good.
We've come up blank on their center of operations.
That's where you come in.
Of course.
The beauty mark tracking device the smallest homing mechanism on the market.
We'll be able to track your every move.
Always wondered what it would be like to have an imperfection.
Laser earrings.
And lipstick periscope.
Cool color.
Sounds like a walk in the park, E.
Don't be so sure, DD7.
They have some muscle.
Octopatty - half-human, half-mollusk, but twice as deadly.
Her suckers are lethal.
Not to mention unsightly.
Good luck, Blonde.
You're going to need it.
The girl that went away, yeah She went away so far She took all that she gave She even took the car Now I'm walking Walking Everywhere Now I'm walking And she don't even care Don't you know it, baby Wow, look at her.
Nice outfit.
The girl that went away Hey, who's she? It really hit me hard The only girl I had With a steady job Big crowd.
Tuesday is free pretzel night.
Mannypenny.
What a delight.
E doesn't pay you enough.
You could say that again.
I have to moonlight just to survive.
So how come there's nothing about me in here? What? Everyone else is in your story.
What about me? Hey, I know.
I can be the guy that saves Blonde in the big action sequence.
My story's about a reverse universe.
The women play the men's roles and vice versa.
That's kinda unrealistic, isn't it? Who wants to read that? You know, you're absolutely right.
You should be in here.
Yeah? Yeah.
That's Simply Luscious, Goldfowler's main squeeze when she tires of Pecs.
He's no rocket scientist, but he's got the scoop on Goldfowler's action.
He might be able to help you.
I can handle him.
I assumed you would.
Room for a fourth? Mm.
Here's my ante.
Whoops.
My, my.
Not very sporting of you.
I seem to have exposed your advantage Goldfowler.
You're a lousy cheat.
And you stink, too, like month-old squid.
No, that's Octopatty.
Get him.
She really sucks.
How unfortunate.
And I was just thinking of letting him win a hand.
Stick around awhile.
Party's just beginning.
Who are you? Blonde.
Platinum Blonde.
Dance? I'm watching you, Blonde.
Isn't everyone? So, Goldfowler and you are very close, huh? Oh, I just hang out with her sometimes at the Moonbreaker, and I'm not gonna tell you it's her center of operations.
Moonbreaker Cafe? Yeah, but I don't know anything about the bombs she and Pecs planted in the video games or anything.
E was right.
You're a tough cookie to crack.
Jessica and Todd are gonna kiss? No way.
Enid, what do you want? Why don't I get a guy? Why is E so dull and ordinary? It's not really you.
E? Coincidence.
Admit it, Liz.
You just think I'm boring.
Thanks a lot.
"Platinum moves into Luscious for the kiss.
" Nice save.
Now, that's more like it.
Stay put while I take a closer look.
You kidding? I'm not going anywhere near that basement.
I'm staying here where it's safe.
Paris, London, Washington.
All of the video machines have been delivered.
Excellent.
Except for the one for Sweet Valley.
What happened? Octopatty accidentally suctioned the delivery girl.
That moronic invertebrate.
We'll have to deliver it ourselves, and then my plan will be complete, and we'll be rich.
Rich! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Right.
Now, why did we put the bombs in the video machines again? So the cities we gave them to would pay us $1 million, you raving imbecile.
This virtual-reality game controls all the detonators.
For every point scored, I receive another kilowatt of power.
This is Pecs.
Souvlakia refuses to pay.
What? Those scum are loaded.
They can easily afford a measly one million.
We'll nuke them.
Release the freak.
Free play? Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
I love this part.
When he hits 500 million, Souvlakia will rue the day they ever messed with Goldfowler.
And Pecs.
500 million.
Bye-bye, Souvlakia.
Well, you're clearly not the catch of the day.
Oh, Platinum.
Pecs and Goldfowler are gonna kill us.
That's right, Luscious, you double-crossing little sweet roll.
Well, well, well, Blonde.
So we meet again.
What a shame Octopatty's suckers were only on "stun," Agent DD7.
You're a spy? A superspy, to be precise.
How unfortunate you won't be around to see our little plan to fruition.
Yeah, especially since your hometown of Sweet Valley is next on our list.
Shut up, Galore.
Take that out to the car.
Look out! Meteor shower.
- Uh, where? - I don't see anything.
We're inside, you dimwits.
Nice try, Blonde.
Put them on the clock.
Welcome to my samurai sushi clock, designed especially for untimely deaths, like yours.
Sushi clock? A big seller in Asia.
The second hand is this shiatsu filleting knife.
That sounds like it would hurt.
But wait, there's more.
To add to your displeasure, we're also throwing in a handy-dandy slicer/dicer with stainless-steel blades.
What? No fondue forks? Pity you won't be around for the fireworks, Blonde.
But in exactly 20 seconds, I'm afraid you and your boyfriend are going to be sashimi.
Sayonara, Blonde.
You're not gonna kill me off? Well, I But I'm the star, your inspiration.
What kind of writer are you? You'll see.
What? No fondue forks? Pity you won't be around for the fireworks, Blonde.
But I'm afraid in exactly 20 seconds, you and your little boyfriend are going to be sashimi.
Sayonara, Blonde.
Sorry, Luscious.
It looks like I miscalculated slightly.
Apparently we're going to die after all.
What? But you said Hi, sis.
Who are you? Blonde.
Ash Blonde.
How do you do? How'd you find me? I've been tracking you by your facial mole.
It was a beauty mark.
Says you.
You saved us.
How clever of you to notice.
Uh, excuse me? Hello? Get over here and unhook me.
Oh, right.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
Stop him! If he reaches 500 million, Sweet Valley will be blown to smithereens.
Free play.
Free play.
Hurry! We did it! You mean I did it.
You stopped Goldfowler, Ash.
You saved Sweet Valley.
And the entire free world.
That is so weak.
Platinum is much cooler than Ash.
She didn't even capture the bad guys.
Yeah, and what kind of gomer is Free Play? He should be the brains of the operation.
Free Play? What about Mannypenny? Talk about exploited.
Don't count on getting published with that story, Liz.
Free play.
Free play.
I was never very fond of octopus.
I prefer squid.
Hurry, Ash.
It's too late.
The detonator's been activated.
But we didn't blow up.
20 minutes to detonation.
They put it on delay.
Of course! They needed time to escape.
We've got to disarm the bomb before it destroys Sweet Valley.
The game's at Sweet Valley Mall.
Hit it, sis.
- There they are.
- Get 'em.
Free play? Free play.
Free play.
Sabotage and secrets large And lots of cash and fancy cars You see the world When you're a spy The police are never far behind The CIA Wait.
You learn to fly You'll never get away, Gold Hands off the lamé.
And now you're run, run, run, run Run, run, running away Where's the game? Ow.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
He's a better homing device than a beauty mark.
Free play.
Free play.
Ash.
Goldfowler, they have the detonator.
Those fools.
They'll kill us all.
Run! It's still activated.
Let's return it to its proper owners.
Free Play, come on.
To the heliport.
The chip's gonna blow, Ash.
Take back your detonator.
You missed.
- Oh, my God.
- What was that? OK.
But how do you know it was them? Oh.
You saved us, Ash.
You saved Sweet Valley.
My hero.
It wasn't anything a superspy wouldn't do.
Ew.
And DD7 touches up her lipstick as Ash reaps her sweet reward.
The end.
Oh, please.
As if Double D needed Ash.
I can't believe she wrote that.
All the male characters are just bimbos.
Tell me about it.
Goldfowler would have never let the Blondes get away.
Hi, guys.
We read your story, Liz.
Yeah, Wakefield.
It's totally bogus.
You've completely proven my point.
Women can't play action heroes, and they can't write them, either.
Really? That's interesting, Bruce.
'Cause Teen Lit magazine just published my story.
You're kidding? Four full pages in the fiction section.
What can I say? I'm brilliant.
Platinum Blonde was a great character.
She pales in comparison to Goldfowler.
What a fabulous villain.
Stunning wardrobe.
Hey, Liz, will you autograph my copy? Knock it off, Manny.
Congratulations, Liz.
You deserve it.
Just one question do you really think I'm that sexy? Of course I do, my little stud muffin.
I feel so cheap.
Look right down any crowded hall You see there's a beauty standing Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High
Yeah, when the Obliterator blew up that armory? He totally vaporized the place.
That was so cool, wasn't it, Egman? Huh? Oh, yeah.
Amazing.
I thought it was lame.
Yeah, why don't movies ever have women as action heroes? Yeah, right.
Like some babe could compete with, like, Stallone or Schwarzenegger.
Women can be just as tough as men.
Enough chitchat.
You guys are boring me.
Let's hit the sushi bar.
Karaoke? I'm in.
Me, too.
Octopus.
Mmm.
Coming? You go ahead.
I'm going to work on that short story I'm submitting for Teen Lit magazine.
Right now? When you get a hot idea, you have to jump on it.
See you later.
Bye.
You've been at that all day.
It's about time you come up for air.
I'm not going to Judy's party.
I'm really into this.
What are you talking about? I can't go in alone.
I'll look like a total loser.
Jess, do you mind? Fine, I'm going.
But a little advice, sis.
You really want to get published? Write about someone with glamour.
Me.
Hmm.
- She was a woman.
- She was a spy.
She was Platinum Blonde.
Afternoon, Mannypenny.
You're looking fit.
Thank you, Platinum.
New Stepmaster.
Your café latte.
Extra foam.
Hmm.
Kenyan Roast with a hint of East Indian Nutmeg.
Just west of the New Delhi region, I believe.
If you're through trading coffee-roasting secrets with my secretary, Blonde, let's get down to business.
Goldfowler.
Notorious gambler and microchip magnate.
Recently gone into business with Pecs Galore, the tuna-canning tycoon.
Sounds like a match made on Wall Street.
Something big is up, Double D.
They are mortal enemies.
They never see each other except to socialize.
Socialize? This is a twisted love-hate relationship, Blonde.
Hmm.
Interesting.
They've been giving away free "Wacky Weasel" video games to major cities around the globe.
Awfully charitable of them.
Whatever they're up to, it's no damn good.
We've come up blank on their center of operations.
That's where you come in.
Of course.
The beauty mark tracking device the smallest homing mechanism on the market.
We'll be able to track your every move.
Always wondered what it would be like to have an imperfection.
Laser earrings.
And lipstick periscope.
Cool color.
Sounds like a walk in the park, E.
Don't be so sure, DD7.
They have some muscle.
Octopatty - half-human, half-mollusk, but twice as deadly.
Her suckers are lethal.
Not to mention unsightly.
Good luck, Blonde.
You're going to need it.
The girl that went away, yeah She went away so far She took all that she gave She even took the car Now I'm walking Walking Everywhere Now I'm walking And she don't even care Don't you know it, baby Wow, look at her.
Nice outfit.
The girl that went away Hey, who's she? It really hit me hard The only girl I had With a steady job Big crowd.
Tuesday is free pretzel night.
Mannypenny.
What a delight.
E doesn't pay you enough.
You could say that again.
I have to moonlight just to survive.
So how come there's nothing about me in here? What? Everyone else is in your story.
What about me? Hey, I know.
I can be the guy that saves Blonde in the big action sequence.
My story's about a reverse universe.
The women play the men's roles and vice versa.
That's kinda unrealistic, isn't it? Who wants to read that? You know, you're absolutely right.
You should be in here.
Yeah? Yeah.
That's Simply Luscious, Goldfowler's main squeeze when she tires of Pecs.
He's no rocket scientist, but he's got the scoop on Goldfowler's action.
He might be able to help you.
I can handle him.
I assumed you would.
Room for a fourth? Mm.
Here's my ante.
Whoops.
My, my.
Not very sporting of you.
I seem to have exposed your advantage Goldfowler.
You're a lousy cheat.
And you stink, too, like month-old squid.
No, that's Octopatty.
Get him.
She really sucks.
How unfortunate.
And I was just thinking of letting him win a hand.
Stick around awhile.
Party's just beginning.
Who are you? Blonde.
Platinum Blonde.
Dance? I'm watching you, Blonde.
Isn't everyone? So, Goldfowler and you are very close, huh? Oh, I just hang out with her sometimes at the Moonbreaker, and I'm not gonna tell you it's her center of operations.
Moonbreaker Cafe? Yeah, but I don't know anything about the bombs she and Pecs planted in the video games or anything.
E was right.
You're a tough cookie to crack.
Jessica and Todd are gonna kiss? No way.
Enid, what do you want? Why don't I get a guy? Why is E so dull and ordinary? It's not really you.
E? Coincidence.
Admit it, Liz.
You just think I'm boring.
Thanks a lot.
"Platinum moves into Luscious for the kiss.
" Nice save.
Now, that's more like it.
Stay put while I take a closer look.
You kidding? I'm not going anywhere near that basement.
I'm staying here where it's safe.
Paris, London, Washington.
All of the video machines have been delivered.
Excellent.
Except for the one for Sweet Valley.
What happened? Octopatty accidentally suctioned the delivery girl.
That moronic invertebrate.
We'll have to deliver it ourselves, and then my plan will be complete, and we'll be rich.
Rich! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Right.
Now, why did we put the bombs in the video machines again? So the cities we gave them to would pay us $1 million, you raving imbecile.
This virtual-reality game controls all the detonators.
For every point scored, I receive another kilowatt of power.
This is Pecs.
Souvlakia refuses to pay.
What? Those scum are loaded.
They can easily afford a measly one million.
We'll nuke them.
Release the freak.
Free play? Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
I love this part.
When he hits 500 million, Souvlakia will rue the day they ever messed with Goldfowler.
And Pecs.
500 million.
Bye-bye, Souvlakia.
Well, you're clearly not the catch of the day.
Oh, Platinum.
Pecs and Goldfowler are gonna kill us.
That's right, Luscious, you double-crossing little sweet roll.
Well, well, well, Blonde.
So we meet again.
What a shame Octopatty's suckers were only on "stun," Agent DD7.
You're a spy? A superspy, to be precise.
How unfortunate you won't be around to see our little plan to fruition.
Yeah, especially since your hometown of Sweet Valley is next on our list.
Shut up, Galore.
Take that out to the car.
Look out! Meteor shower.
- Uh, where? - I don't see anything.
We're inside, you dimwits.
Nice try, Blonde.
Put them on the clock.
Welcome to my samurai sushi clock, designed especially for untimely deaths, like yours.
Sushi clock? A big seller in Asia.
The second hand is this shiatsu filleting knife.
That sounds like it would hurt.
But wait, there's more.
To add to your displeasure, we're also throwing in a handy-dandy slicer/dicer with stainless-steel blades.
What? No fondue forks? Pity you won't be around for the fireworks, Blonde.
But in exactly 20 seconds, I'm afraid you and your boyfriend are going to be sashimi.
Sayonara, Blonde.
You're not gonna kill me off? Well, I But I'm the star, your inspiration.
What kind of writer are you? You'll see.
What? No fondue forks? Pity you won't be around for the fireworks, Blonde.
But I'm afraid in exactly 20 seconds, you and your little boyfriend are going to be sashimi.
Sayonara, Blonde.
Sorry, Luscious.
It looks like I miscalculated slightly.
Apparently we're going to die after all.
What? But you said Hi, sis.
Who are you? Blonde.
Ash Blonde.
How do you do? How'd you find me? I've been tracking you by your facial mole.
It was a beauty mark.
Says you.
You saved us.
How clever of you to notice.
Uh, excuse me? Hello? Get over here and unhook me.
Oh, right.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
Stop him! If he reaches 500 million, Sweet Valley will be blown to smithereens.
Free play.
Free play.
Hurry! We did it! You mean I did it.
You stopped Goldfowler, Ash.
You saved Sweet Valley.
And the entire free world.
That is so weak.
Platinum is much cooler than Ash.
She didn't even capture the bad guys.
Yeah, and what kind of gomer is Free Play? He should be the brains of the operation.
Free Play? What about Mannypenny? Talk about exploited.
Don't count on getting published with that story, Liz.
Free play.
Free play.
I was never very fond of octopus.
I prefer squid.
Hurry, Ash.
It's too late.
The detonator's been activated.
But we didn't blow up.
20 minutes to detonation.
They put it on delay.
Of course! They needed time to escape.
We've got to disarm the bomb before it destroys Sweet Valley.
The game's at Sweet Valley Mall.
Hit it, sis.
- There they are.
- Get 'em.
Free play? Free play.
Free play.
Sabotage and secrets large And lots of cash and fancy cars You see the world When you're a spy The police are never far behind The CIA Wait.
You learn to fly You'll never get away, Gold Hands off the lamé.
And now you're run, run, run, run Run, run, running away Where's the game? Ow.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
Free play.
He's a better homing device than a beauty mark.
Free play.
Free play.
Ash.
Goldfowler, they have the detonator.
Those fools.
They'll kill us all.
Run! It's still activated.
Let's return it to its proper owners.
Free Play, come on.
To the heliport.
The chip's gonna blow, Ash.
Take back your detonator.
You missed.
- Oh, my God.
- What was that? OK.
But how do you know it was them? Oh.
You saved us, Ash.
You saved Sweet Valley.
My hero.
It wasn't anything a superspy wouldn't do.
Ew.
And DD7 touches up her lipstick as Ash reaps her sweet reward.
The end.
Oh, please.
As if Double D needed Ash.
I can't believe she wrote that.
All the male characters are just bimbos.
Tell me about it.
Goldfowler would have never let the Blondes get away.
Hi, guys.
We read your story, Liz.
Yeah, Wakefield.
It's totally bogus.
You've completely proven my point.
Women can't play action heroes, and they can't write them, either.
Really? That's interesting, Bruce.
'Cause Teen Lit magazine just published my story.
You're kidding? Four full pages in the fiction section.
What can I say? I'm brilliant.
Platinum Blonde was a great character.
She pales in comparison to Goldfowler.
What a fabulous villain.
Stunning wardrobe.
Hey, Liz, will you autograph my copy? Knock it off, Manny.
Congratulations, Liz.
You deserve it.
Just one question do you really think I'm that sexy? Of course I do, my little stud muffin.
I feel so cheap.
Look right down any crowded hall You see there's a beauty standing Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High