The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan (1972) s01e10 Episode Script

1
- [man scatting]
- [music plays]
[whistling]
- [whistling]
- [man scatting]
[whistling]
The Amazing Chan
[man scatting]
[buzzer sounding]
[buzzer sounding]
[buzzer sounding]
[buzzer sounding]
That's the Chan plan
[whistling]
[whistling]
[whistling]
The Amazing Chan
and the Chan Clan
The Amazing Chan
[indistinct chatter]
[Charlie] Illusio and his
Magic Troupe, final performance.
- Mm. Is this Hamid Bey?
- [man] Yeah.
He's the one who stole
the Rajicon Ruby,
worth a million dollars.
And when we caught him, he
escaped from a room with a
policeman at the door,
and a window no bigger
than a mouse hole.
- Ingenious!
- That's why we asked you
to give us a hand, Chan.
You know Illusio.
Maybe you can look around
and pick up something that'll
help us nab Hamid again.
I'll be glad to try, Lieutenant.
[cheering, applause]
[Illusio] Thank you, thank you.
For this next trick,
I will need a volunteer.
Is there anybody
in the audience who?
- I will!
- Well, I see we have
one brave man among us.
All right, sir.
Take a card, any card.
Remember the card, sir.
Now, if you will replace it
in the deck.
To assist me in the remainder of
this trick, I call upon
the smartest dog in the world,
Fifi! Fifi the Wonder Dog!
Wowwee!
[Mimi] Gee whiz,
I think Chu Chu's
fallen for Fifi!
- The gentleman's card, my dear.
- [sniffing]
Will you pick it out
and give it to him?
- Wow! She got the right card!
- [applause]
- [applause]
- [fanfare plays]
[laughs] Thank you, Fifi.
And thank you, sir.
- You're welcome.
- And now, for our final trick,
a plain, black box, empty.
Fifi, if you will.
Morgana belore,
morgana belore.
Fifi, be gone,
when I open the door!
- [applause]
- [cheering]
[barks, whimpers]
Don't worry, Chu Chu.
He'll bring her back.
And now, to bring back
my little assistant.
Morgana belee,
morgana belee.
Fifi, be there,
when I count to three.
One, two, three.
Fifi! Where are you?
Fifi! Bring down the curtain!
Fifi! Oh, my Fifi!
As Stanley would say,
"Wham, bam,
I think he's in a jam."
[Illusio] Something's
happened to Fifi! I know it!
Oh, come on, Illusio.
I've been the electrician here
for years, and I know.
Then why isn't she here?
We've done this trick
a hundred times before, Carson.
- Maybe she got bored.
- You've always been jealous
of Fifi, Zorinda.
Jealous? Of that
spoiled mongrel?
Mongrel?! Fifi is no mongrel!
She's a thoroughbred!
And the third generation
in her line to be in showbiz.
I'll bet you'd pay plenty
to get her back.
Anything! I'd pay any amount,
no questions asked!
We will do everything we can
to help you, Illusio.
- Is that not so, Alli?
- Of course, Baba.
Everything in our power.
- [Charlie] Illusio?
- Chan.
Thank heavens you're here.
Fifi's gone!
Not to worry. Probably just
a simple case of dog-napping.
We get 'em all the time.
Right, Pop?
Despite my son's loquacity,
we will help any way we can.
Shall we go to
your dressing room?
[man] Hey, Illusio, telephone!
Maybe it's about Fifi.
[sniffing]
[barking]
[barking] Where'd they go?
[barking]
[barking]
[barking]
- [yelps]
- [all laugh]
"Master switch."
"Dancing handkerchiefs."
"Floating lady."
Hey, that's where the lady
is suspended in mid-air
- and then disappears.
- Neat! Let's try it!
And I shall conceal the body
with this king-sized sheet.
- [Alan] Ready? Go!
- [Suzie] Go!
Uh-oh!
- [clanking]
- Take it easy, will ya?!
Help! Help!
Pull the master switch!
- Ow!
- She never did disappear.
I didn't, but Alan better.
Yes, yes. I understand.
I'll cooperate completely.
No, no, no, I give you my word!
No one will interfere.
Just be sure nothing happens
to my Fifi.
- Was it about Fifi?
- [Illusio] Uh, yes,
she's all right.
We shoulda put
a trace on it, Pop.
No! No, I mean,
no, that won't be necessary.
Fifi's fine,
you don't have to do anything.
I'm glad of that.
May we see her?
Well, my friend, the, uh,
the one who called,
he's taking care of Fifi.
Maybe another time.
Sounds like a cop-out
to me, Pop.
You think maybe this ties in
with the missing jail break?
- Or else
- I think maybe we ought
to leave Illusio alone.
And you, go join
the other children.
The way I got it figured out,
it's the dame, Zorinda.
- How come, Flip?
- It's the old jealousy angle.
You know what dames
are like, Scooter.
- Oh, sure.
- You do not.
You're just a child.
- So are you!
- I'm a year older than you are.
Anyway, it's cherchez la femme.
- Cherchez la who?
- It's a detective's saying.
It means, "Look for the dame."
- [Chu Chu yelps]
- Why look for a dame?
It's the dog that's missing.
[Chu Chu yelps twice]
You're too young
to understand, Scooter.
I just want to find Fifi.
[whimpering]
[Henry] What makes you so sure
Alli and Baba are guilty?
Elementary. That missing
jewel crook, Hamid Bey,
wore a fez.
And they wear fezzes. So you
gotta keep your eye on anybody
with a fez!
Stanley, sometimes I wonder
if you're really part
of this family.
There they are!
All right.
We'll follow them.
But I hope you're right.
Let's go.
What's the disguise for
this time?
So they won't recognize me.
How can they recognize you
if they never saw you before?
Next time they see me,
they won't remember me
from this time.
Just go.
We'd better use Chan Plan Eight.
- [Stanley] Chan Plan Eight,
coming up!
- [buzzing]
[Stanley] Hey, a taxi.
Good idea!
Hey, taxi!
- What are you doing?
- Picking up a fare.
- We're a taxi, aren't we?
- You dumb-dumb!
- It's got to be Carson.
- Why?
Who else would know
how the tricks work?
Yeah, to gimmick
one of those magic tricks,
you'd really have to know it
inside out.
- Sh! Here he comes!
- [footsteps]
Where'd he go?
He was standing
right about here.
But he was here first.
He threw the switch,
then he Hey!
Where is everybody?
Anne. Tom.
Suzieeeeee!
We figured you'd find us
pretty soon.
It would be wisest
if we did not procrastinate.
Yeah, let's go.
We don't wanna lose Carson.
Wow! What a cheapskate!
He didn't even give us a tip!
Now you did it, pinhead!
How are we supposed to find
those two guys we were tailing?
They're right there. See? I'm
not as dumb as you think I am.
Right?
Right, but only because
that's not possible.
Now, let's go, before you decide
to pick up another fare.
Taxi!
There they go!
A fez top convention!
- I changed my mind, Stanley.
- You did?
Uh-huh. You are as dumb
as I think you are.
- You get anything, Chan?
- If you mean,
do I know where the missing
Hamid Bey is hiding out, no.
Well, he won't get out of this
city. We've got every exit
blocked off.
To no avail. I think I know
how he plans to escape.
- You do?
- But first, I must make sure
that Fifi is safe.
Chan, I thought you had gone!
I am about to. Is there
something you wish to tell me?
- About Fifi, perhaps?
- I told you,
Fifi was all right.
- So you did.
- Look, I am sorry.
I guess I am a little edgy.
We're sailing
for South America tonight.
And, well, you know how it is.
I think perhaps I do.
Come on, Chu Chu.
Give us a lead!
Where'd Zorinda go?
[sniffing]
[Scooter] Thattaboy, Chu Chu!
Are you sure this
is where she went?
Uh-huh!
City Pound.
City Pound!
Pretty neat idea!
Where's a better place
to stash a dog?
We better get in there
and rescue Fifi.
- Right!
- You just wait for your elders.
Boy, one of these days
Where do you
suppose he's headed?
I don't know,
but I wish he'd take a cab.
- My feet hurt.
- There he goes,
around the corner.
Move out, we don't
wanna lose him.
[Chu Chu barking]
[dogs barking]
[barking loudly]
[all] Yikes!
Boy, they sure got a lot
of dogs here!
Yeah, and we still
haven't seen Zorinda.
- [panting]
- Well, we better keep going.
Come on, Chu Chu. Chu Chu?
- Where'd he go?
- Come on, Chu Chu!
We're in a hurry!
Hey, Chu Chu! Chu Chu!
[muffled growling]
- The magic factory.
- One can only surmise
that this establishment
manufactures prestidigitation
equipment.
- Alan?
- This is where they
make magic tricks.
Well, this is where Carson went.
So let's go in after him.
- Chu Chu!
- All right, what are you kids
doing here?
We're looking for our dog.
How about
a nice cocker spaniel?
No! We want our own dog!
Look, kid, I ain't got time
to fool around.
Now, I picked up a couple
of German shepherds today.
- No, we want Chu Chu!
- What's a Chu Chu?
- [Suzie] He's a Pekingese.
- No, we ain't got none of them.
[whistling "Yankee Doodle"]
[growling]
[continues whistling]
[dogs barking]
- [whistling]
- Look, that's it.
You don't like what
we got in stock?
That's him! That's Chu Chu!
A whistling dog?
This I gotta see.
Keep it up, Chu Chu.
We're coming!
[dogs barking]
- Oh, Chu Chu!
- That's a Chu Chu?
- That's our dog!
- OK.
Now, get him out of here before
he causes any more trouble.
- Yes, sir!
- And thank you!
[Scooter] How'd they grab you,
Chu Chu?
- [barking]
- [all] Chu Chu!
[barking]
I'm scared!
Let's get out of here!
[barking]
[yelps]
[whimpering]
[all] Yay, Chu Chu!
Boy, this magic factory's
a spooky place.
Well, if we're gonna find
Carson, we'd better move.
[stammering] Fellas?
Is there anyone b-behind me?
Does that mean yes?
Yikes!
[witch cackling]
There she is.
There's Zorinda.
And she's got Fifi with her!
- OK, let's take her.
- Right, chief.
All right, sister,
the game's up.
We got you with the goods.
Wanna confess?
Why, it's the Chan children.
How sweet.
Don't try to get rid
of the evidence.
Probably got your fingerprints
all over it.
Oh, you mean the dog?
Isn't it beautiful.
- You watching her, Scooter?
- I'm watching her, chief.
It's for Illusio.
Poor dear.
I was so mean to him.
He really loved Fifi,
and this one looks
just like her.
- You mean that's not Fifi?
- Of course not.
As a matter of fact,
this is a boy dog.
[whimpering]
[Carson] I'll make her disappear
once more.
We'll see if I'm not
as good as Illusio.
- I knew it! He's got Fifi.
- He's gonna make her disappear
again.
Not if we can help it.
Hold it, Carson! She's not gonna
disappear this time.
Of course she is.
I've been practicing. Watch.
Witch's brew,
disappear, and I mean you!
- [all gasp]
- How about that?
I've been watching every move
Illusio makes.
Pretty soon, I'll be
better than he is.
Hey, you wanna see another one?
No, thanks. I think we
better go home, kids.
[rock music plays]
When I was just a boy
My daddy said to me
You know the apple
shouldn't fall
Too far from
the family tree
Countless generations
Hang their hopes on you
Ages of tradition
Depend on what you do
I'm the number one son
of a number one man
The number one hope
of a family clan
Gonna be like my dad
any way that I can
I am
I'm his number one son
Someday in the future
When my dad is gone
I know that he'll go happy
Knowing that
his name lives on
When I am a father
I only hope someday
My firstborn will
turn to me
And I'll hear him say
I'm the number one son
I'm the number one son
I'm the number one son
of a number one man
The number one hope
of a family clan
Gonna be like my dad
any way that I can
I am
I'm his number one son
I'm his number one son
I'm his number one son
I'm his number one son
[knocking]
I believe that is for me.
- Good evening, Lieutenant.
- I don't know
what you've got in mind, Chan,
but I'm here.
[Charlie] I'll be with you
in a moment.
Your angelic expressions
only prove how deceiving
appearances can be.
- Aw, Pop.
- To prevent any undue panic
on your parts,
may I inform you that the
lieutenant and I are leaving
for pier nine.
Furthermore
Chan! What are you doing here?
- Trying to help you.
- I told you I don't
need your help!
That's what you think.
You go through all this stuff?
All of it, Lieutenant.
It's clean.
- You searched everything?
- Yes, sir.
There's not a thing
that doesn't belong here.
- I thought you said
- May I borrow your wand,
please?
Watch carefully, Lieutenant.
There is your escaped
jewel thief.
Chan! You've ruined everything!
- They have Fifi!
- Not anymore.
Fifi was hidden in the theater.
Zorinda is bringing her.
[Lieutenant] We've got Hamid
Bey, but we still don't have the
Rajicon Ruby.
[Charlie] I think perhaps we do.
My magic may not be as
impressive as Illusio's,
but the Rajicon Ruby!
Here you are, Lieutenant.
Now you keep it
under your hat.
Illusio, look what I've got!
- [Illusio] Fifi!
- [barking]
That's not Fifi!
It's a boy dog, from the pound!
I don't think so, Scooter.
Look at Chu Chu.
[panting, whimpering]
Ooh-wee!
- He's sure acting silly.
- Oh, you're too young
to understand.
Chan, you are really
a magician.
To cope with ten like those,
one has to be.
[all laugh]
- [knocking]
- I'll get it.
- Hello, Henry.
- Hey!
- It's Illusio and Fifi!
- Illusio!
- Fifi!
- Welcome back!
It's great to be back.
And I want to invite all of you
to be my guests at the theater.
- Great!
- Neat!
- Hey, swell!
- Oh, boy!
- Can we bring Chu Chu?
- I think he's getting
his own personal invitation.
[smacking kisses]
[moaning]
[all laughing]