The Barbarian and the Troll (2021) s01e10 Episode Script

- Ca-caw, ca-caw.
I'm still available, ladies.
-
I know we're close,
but I can't see anything
in all this rain.
If we keep going like this,
we're gonna get lost.
- And what's more important,
this humidity is really doing
a number on my beard.
- I think we need to find
a place to bed down
for the night.
- We are resting?
But when I wanted to stop
for road snacks, you said--
- Tomorrow is a big day.
We're going up against a demon
and I need to be
in tip-top shape.
- Well, I, for one
would love to hide.
I mean, rest.
This lightning's
really freaking me out.
- And I just want to get
my beard out of this rain
into some conditioning balm.
- Great.
So we're finding a place
to bed down for the night.
Hmm. A fork in the road.
- Which way should we go,
left or right?
- How about that place?
- Uh, let's not stay
at the super creepy place.
- Kay, well, how about there?
It looks tiny but inviting.
- "There's gnome place
like home."
Ah, funny.
-
Aww.
- Oh, okay.
The scary place is fine.
- That's a hard pass.
- I am out.
- Scary place it is.
- A troll burned
his bridge ♪
A warrior lost her crown ♪
I'm not being poetic ♪
That's literally
what went down ♪
Together their journey
has begun ♪
Combining might and melody ♪
To quest and smite a demon ♪
And find their true family ♪
Yeah ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
- Well, it's not amazing,
but pretty good.
- It's a good thing
the front door was wide open.
- Brendar, save me!
- Evan, what has got you
so freaked out?
- Why did that wide open
front door
suddenly close by itself?
- I'm sure there's a perfectly
logical explanation.
- Like a ghost?
- Brendar, save me!
-
Calm down.
There is no such thing
as ghosts.
- What about poltergeists,
ghouls, and banshees?
- Well, those are real,
but ghosts, ridiculous.
- Then who's playing
that tiny piano?
- Well, let's find out.
- I'll just hang back here.
- Oh, must be the wind.
- Or a ghost.
- Hey, check out
these paintings.
No skirt, whisker broom,
lip luggage?
What's up with all
the mustaches?
- Maybe it's one of those new
hipster hotels.
- Yeah.
Eek!
A mouse!
- Snack attack!
Oh, hoot.
- Okay, that's it.
You know what?
I'm gonna take my chance
with the toothy gnomes.
They weren't all so bad.
- Shut the door.
- I remembered wrong.
- So maybe we stay here
with the imaginary ghost
that can't fight us?
- Agreed.
- What's so funny?
- Hmm?
Oh, it's just an inside joke
with myself.
I'm Johnny Connoisseur,
proprietor here
at the Haunted Inn.
- I can see right through him.
- His skin is just translucent.
It happens to old people.
- You should take
an iron supplement.
I just lick an anvil.
- So this place is literally
called the Haunted Inn?
- After the owner,
Melvin Haunted.
You seem nervous,
but I assure you,
you're completely safe here.
Pay no attention
to the ominous lightning
or my wind-up piano.
It's on the fritz, you see.
- Doodly-doo, doo, doot ♪
- Can I help you, sir?
- Wow, a real, live ghost.
In the flesh.
-
- Neither alive
nor burdened by flesh.
- Do you believe in ghosts now?
He's literally transparent.
- Lots of things
are transparent.
Clouds, jellyfish.
- Thinly sliced fruit.
- There you go.
Hey, Jimmy.
- Johnny.
- Whatever.
We were wondering if you had
a few rooms open tonight.
- Let's see what I can dig up.
Brendar!
- Someplace quiet please.
Big day tomorrow,
rescuing my brother.
- And I'd like a room
with a view.
It's my birthday.
- No, it's not.
- Shh.
Trying to get a free upgrade.
- Ah.
-
- Do you have any reservations?
- Yeah, a whole bunch of them,
but we'll stay here anyway.
- I've got dibs on the mantle.
This is so relaxing.
- Aww, I wanted the mantle.
- Good news, it looks like
we can squeeze you in.
- Brendar, you want to bunk
with me?
- No, I'm sorry, but you snore.
- Oh.
Stacey?
- No.
- That's a shocker.
Mr. Scrum, would you be
my roomie?
- Sorry. I zap in my sleep
and it's even less accurate
than when I'm awake.
- Yo, Questors, what's up
with this painting?
- Hey.
- Oh!
- You're not supposed
to touch that.
- Where does it say that?
- Right there.
- I don't really pay attention
to signs.
Why do you have an empty
painting covered up anyway?
- It's a work in progress,
soon to be my greatest
masterpiece entitled,
"Four Questors on a Quest
with an Axe
in Repose."
- You should workshop
that title.
- Now that I hear it
out loud, it's--
well, I'm not married to it.
- It's strange though.
There's no one
in that painting.
- Quite peculiar, huh?
Sorry, I was just choking
on one of my own
mustache hairs.
- Mr. Connoisseur,
can I have one of your rooms
that isn't haunted, please?
-
I'll show you to one
of our most private rooms,
my small friend.
But I would caution you
to stay away
from the outhouse
because that place
is definitely haunted.
- Gross.
- Nasty.
- No, I'm serious.
It's chock-full
of unearthly horrors
that will have you
jumping out of your--
- Okay, I'm ready
to see my room.
- All right.
- Who is she?
- She came with the frame.
- Okay, well, thanks so much
for the room.
-
I can take a hint.
- Good night, sleep tight.
Don't let
the Beetles of Bagahar bite.
- How about a late night snack?
I know that mouse is
around here somewhere.
- I need to sleep.
Sleep keeps a barbarian alert
and ready for action.
- Is that why you're always
so grumpy?
Not enough night-night?
- Sure.
- I once slept
an entire 24 hours.
- Stacey.
- A full day gone in a hoot.
- Stacey.
- Can you imagine?
- Stacey, I am currently trying
to sleep!
I need you to be quiet.
- But I'm nocturnal.
What'd you expect?
Want to build a fort
out of blankets?
Mani-pedis?
Secrets?
- Can you please,
please stop talking?
I would very much like
to be well-rested.
Big day tomorrow, remember?
-
Right. Demon Alvin.
Brother Kendar. Got it.
Not a squeak from this beak.
You're mine, tasty mouse!
- Stacey!
- You can run but you can't
hide, mouse.
- Watch me.
- Sweet pellets.
- That's it!
I am going to find
someplace else to sleep.
- When the cat's away,
the mice can play.
- No way.
- Rats.
- I'm a mouse!
- Here.
Let me get your luggage.
- What?
Whoa!
Wha--
- Yeah, I'll just
hang out here
with this terrifying
mustachioed farmer.
One Gothmoria,
two Gothmoria,
three--
Oh, it's only two and a half
Gothmorias away.
I'm fine.
I am not fine.
I'm so scared.
Okay, let me look
in my suitcase,
find some stuff to ward off
this feeling of impending doom.
Oh, yes, Lutesy Collins.
Oh, my lute.
At least I'll make some music
and cheer myself up that way.
Ooh, and my poncho
from the Swamp of Fear.
Oh, and Clippy and Cloppy.
Okay, I'm gonna be hugging
you guys real tight tonight.
Ooh, a magic sock
from Tee Winkle or Wee Tinkle,
I don't remember who.
In case of emergency
turn sock inside out.
How am I gonna know
if it's a real emergency?
- Oh, you'll know.
Don't worry.
I'm not here to hurt you.
I'm just a mouse.
- Well, I'm terrified.
- Well, hi, Terrified.
I'm Ivana.
- Hmm?
Hmm.
Hmm
♪
- I will never understand
modern art.
- I have quite the collection,
don't I?
- Oh.
Yes.
- You see, every time
someone visits the inn,
they leave me with a portrait
before they depart.
- What do you mean depart?
- In place of the payment
for your stay,
I'll be collecting
your soul instead.
- My soul? I need that.
- It's too late, wizard.
-
- You're going to be
stuck here forever!
♪
- Welcome to the Haunted Inn,
where Questors check in,
but they don't check out.
Oh, mustache hair.
Meh!
- I like to think
that that farmer
is watching over me
when I sleep protecting me,
but I'm not so sure.
Ugh.
This place makes me
so uncomfortable.
- Well, most of the mattresses
are filled with mold.
- It's not just that, though.
I mean, what's with the fact
that there are
no other guests staying here?
- It does pick up during
gremlin hunting season.
- How long have you lived here?
- Oh, let's see.
What day is it?
- Saturday?
- Ten years.
- Whoa, I didn't know
mice live that long.
You look great, by the way.
-
Age is just a number,
but you're right to be scared.
The guests check in,
but they never check--
- Under the bed for spiders?
Well, I did and it's all clear.
-
Missed me.
- No, they never check out.
- When someone stays here
at the Haunted Inn,
they pay with their lives.
- That seems like
a total rip-off.
There's not even a pool here.
- Johnny Connoisseur makes
his visitors stay forever.
- Wha?
- He's not just
an art collector,
he's also a soul collector.
- Johnny starts by possessing
an unwitting guest,
usually one that's as smart
as a bag of mulch
or a mattress.
Then he goes
from guest to guest,
capturing their souls.
- Dad?
What's with the mouth brow?
- Your feathered soul
will soon be mine.
- Stop it, Dad,
you're scaring me.
- I've always wanted to fly,
and now I will
for all eternity.
This is going to take
some practice.
- Then he keeps their souls
trapped forever in
the paintings around the Inn.
- What?
You mean that painting
of a farmer
is actually a soul?
Whomst will tend the crops?
- He's gonna trap your group
in a painting.
- The empty one in the lobby.
I knew that landscape
was missing
some primary subjects!
- And I wouldn't answer
the door if there's a knock.
- Evan, I'm sleeping in here.
- Oh, Brendar,
is that really you?
- Quit poking me.
I'm not a ghost.
- This place is haunted
and Johnny Connoisseur
is an evil spirit
who's possessing
the souls of the guests.
- Who told you that?
- Meet my new best friend,
Ivana.
- Hi.
- We've met.
- If you guys
don't get out of here,
you're gonna be trapped
in a painting
for all eternity.
- Huh?
- Okay.
So I'm just gonna find
somewhere else to sleep.
Have fun telling
your ghost stories.
- Well, she's right.
I am telling ghost stories,
but they're real!
I can't believe
I'm questing with a bunch
of ghost believers.
What's next?
Gothmoria has
less than two moons?
- Brendar?
- Seriously, Stacey.
Go fly into a tornado.
- Can't, too busy stealing
your soul tonight.
- What happened?
- We met a ghost.
- And now the ghost wants
to meet you, too.
- I don't want to hurt you two.
- Pity, we don't feel the same.
Zap!
Horace!
That was uncharacteristically
accurate of you.
- Ghost powers.
Zap!
Okay, you asked for it.
Axe, you ready?
- I'm wide awake,
ready to chop some Brendar.
Come play with us,
Brendar.
Play with us.
- You don't want to do this.
- Okay, I really think
I should just go out there
and check on everybody
to make sure they're safe.
- You're safer in here.
- Wha--
Okay. You were right.
This place is haunted.
- I knew it,
and you were all like,
"Oh, have fun telling your
ghost stories," but it's real!
Okay, well, you know,
time and place for everything.
- Here's Johnny!
- Evan, hide!
- Oh, uh, how's this?
- No!
- Wha--
Okay, what now?
♪
- Now we possess you,
little troll.
- Rats.
- Mouse!
- Ivana,
we got to get out here.
- You got a plan?
- Yes, to get out of here!
- Huh?
- Run, Evan, run!
- I am!
Wha--
- Time to stop running,
little troll.
- No bridge to hide under.
- Oh, no!
- You don't want to possess
my soul.
It's too tiny.
It wouldn't even fit you.
- Yes, we do.
Zap!
Sheesh-kabobs!
That was more powerful
than usual.
- Evan, once you're possessed,
you'll all be stuck
in that painting forever!
Evan.
- Fortunately,
my possessed friends
move slowly and dramatically.
- Oh, Evan,
this is an emergency.
- Ooh, all I have to do is
turn this sock inside out.
Please work.
Please work.
- Evan, they're getting closer!
- There.
Lost socks, lost socks.
♪
-
So many socks.
We are a cotton collective
woven together
by the magic within us.
We are the unraveled army,
lost no longer, working as one.
Whether ribbed, argyle,
tube, or crew,
we are unwashable, unbreakable,
and when summoned, unstoppable.
- Holy socks, it worked!
Spooky ♪
- Oh, oh, oh ♪
- Sockies ♪
- What a fright ♪
- Spooky sockies ♪
- Don't you get
cold feet tonight ♪
In the dark of night ♪
Or in the light of day ♪
Great things are afoot,
yeah ♪
When we come your way ♪
Don't be afraid,
go ahead and dip your toes in ♪
- Foot goes in ♪
- When one sock gets stolen ♪
The other sock gets chosen ♪
Unravel, spooky ♪
Stolen, but it ain't
no dramatic thing ♪
Unravel ♪
- No, no, back.
We'll stick to you
like static cling ♪
Who's got you
like a sock has fuzz? ♪
The Unraveled Army does ♪
♪
Magic can chase ghosts away ♪
Though some don't put
any stock in it ♪
And then when they
run their mouth ♪
Just tell them
to put a sock in it ♪
- One sock can save the day ♪
No matter where
you've traveled ♪
Just turn it inside out ♪
And summon the Unraveled ♪
♪
Unraveled ♪
- Spooky ♪
- No! Ugh!
- Unraveled ♪
- Oh, no.
Stop, socks!
-
Unraveled ♪
We don't match,
but we got that swing ♪
Unraveled ♪
- Yeah ♪
We bring the magic
when we sing ♪
Who's got you
like a sock has fuzz? ♪
The Unraveled Army does ♪
- Oh, you guys are all better.
No more mustaches.
- Darn it!
I hate the smell of defeat.
Don't think
you've actually won.
- I ain't afraid of no ghost.
- I will follow you
wherever you go
and possess you no matter what!
- I'm too tired for this.
- Oh, no.
- You're blowing my mind!
- We defeated Jimmy.
- Johnny.
- Whatever.
- Yeah, but we couldn't have
done it without the help
of the Army of the Unraveled.
- Bye.
- Bye, Evan.
- This house is clean.
- Who are you?
- Just another lost sock.
- Thank you so much for helping
save me and my friends.
- Carla?
- Jackson?
- My love!
- My Jackson.
- We're finally reunited.
- Forever a pair,
never to be alone again.
- Aww.
- Oh, wow.
♪
- Take me with you!
- It's beautiful.
- Almost worth being trapped
in a painting for eternity.
- Georgette, is that you?
- No!
For the 18,000th time,
my name is Janet.
- Sorry.
- Ugh, crew socks
are the worst.
- Bye. See you.
- Thank you, socks.
- Thank you.
I am so glad to have you
all back to normal.
- Yeah. Kind of miss
the mustache, though.
- Same.
- Who was right about ghosts?
- You were.
- Yeah, me.
Who was wrong about ghosts?
- I was.
- So I was
- Right.
- And you were
- Wrong.
- Yeah.
- What's your point?
- There isn't one.
I just wanted to reiterate.
- I'm taking your room.
- What?
- I'm sleeping in the kitchen
with the cutlery.
- I'm going
to the haunted outhouse.
- Have fun, Dad.
- Who's got you
like sock has fuzz? ♪
The Unraveled Army does ♪
Whoo!
- Good night!
Sweet dreams!
Oh, mustache hair.