The Batman (2004) s01e10 Episode Script

Hello? Sam, is that you? Sam, are you working late again? You! But I sentenced you, put you away for years.
You're supposed to be in Arkham Asylum! - Gotham P.
D.
- In there.
But you won't believe it.
- He's been carded.
- Quick.
Chip him out.
Joker? Go, go, go ! According to Arkham, Joker's still locked in his cell has been all night long.
Perhaps Joker left some manner of decoy in his place.
Could be, Alfred.
But other things don't add up.
Joker abducted Judge Wigzell but not before leaving him for the police and me to see.
You're not expecting Joker to actually make sense, are you? It was Joker's calling card.
His way of announcing his plan.
Do you think there's more to come? Maybe Joker's out to collect a deck of those who've crossed him.
Fitty-one more victims ? Where would you start ? One name is sure to be on his hit list: The Batman.
I'll lay the bait at Joker's last known house of cards.
Not too talkative, are you? Where's the judge, Joker? How'd you manage to be two places at once? And why the mime act? You're a pale imitation.
The real Joker doesn't wear makeup.
- Don't hurt me ! - Who are you ? - Nolan.
I'm an orderly.
- Arkham ? Joker said he'd do me in unless I helped him with his plan.
Gave me the keys to his place to bring him stuff and Who else is Joker after? “ Surprise“ ? I left Joker's understudy in clown storage for the time being.
Joker clearly didn't want him talking.
Why not chip the fellow out and question him further? Because I'm through being Joker's fool.
I'm gonna get my answers straight from the horse's mouth, at Arkham Asylum.
Seventeen leads so far from our tip line each and every one of them a crank.
And Joker's in Arkham.
So for all we know, this copycat crime is some kind of prank as well.
Well, it the next tip tells us our missing judge is with Prince Albert in a can What's this? An invitation? Addressed to both of us.
What the ? Playing cards? “For lots of laughs and a missing judge shuffle down to the old Gotham Palace Theater at 10 p.
m.
tonight.
Love, Joker.
“ Well, I'm always delighted to speak to the press.
Particularly the Gotham Gazette.
Actually, I don't consider myself merely a top criminal psychiatrist here at Arkham.
I view my role as the last line of defense between Gotham and psychopaths like Penguin, Freeze and my prize catch, Joker.
In fact, I've been invited to a banquet of honor tonight for Gotham's most inspiring citizens at Gotham Palace Theater.
And I have just enough time to grab my coat.
Did I provide enough details for my profile? Oh, you've been more of a help than you know, Dr.
Bagley.
Pompous windbag.
The Batman! What if I hadn't been decent? You're never decent, Joker.
Why bother adding a stand-in to your card collection instead of me? To drive you batty, of course.
And look: it's working.
Answers, Joker.
Do you really think I'd send a flunky to eliminate my favorite sparring partner? I reserve that pleasure for me alone.
- Then why ? - Because I miss your company, Batman.
We're two sides of the same card.
After all, you knew where I'd send my look-alike to find you.
And I knew all along that if I left a trail of bread crumbs, you'd gobble them up! Joker, you're not making sense.
Why convince an orderly to do your dirty work when you could just have him unlock your cell? Because you've always been my ace, Batman.
My ace in the hole! What? I don't need you in my card collection.
I never play with a full deck! Nice of Nolan to bring some essentials.
Makeup? Joker don't need no stinking makeup.
Smiles, Batsy.
Thanks to you, I'm light on schedule.
Off to the theater! Ta-ta! All right, Joker.
Dinnertime.
Hey, how about a little mac and cheese? The Batman! I gotta call the police.
The Batman! I gotta call the police.
All available units, respond.
Dispatch, Bennett and Yin.
The Batman's been reported locked in a cell at Arkham Asylum.
The pranks keep coming.
Batman behind bars? Well, we still have plenty of time before curtain.
The Batman, huh? Seriously, dude.
I do not know how he got in there.
Or what he did with Joker.
Isn't that weird? We'll take it hum here.
What, you think it's funny, wasting police time? I wasn't kidding.
The Batman was in there.
You're the one who should be in there.
Come on, Bennett.
Let's get to Gotham Palace Theater.
I knew what I saw.
I'm not crazy.
Where'd you go ? Hey! If this is a crank, it definitely isn't funny.
Feels more like a trap.
Showtime! Where ? Detectives, get us out of here.
All right.
Just hold on and we'll Theater with a sticky floor.
Welcome to Joker's Revenge-O-Rama.
Allow me to introduce my first guest: Judge Horace Wigzell! He's such a card.
I'll deal Joker a hand once I get my foot out of this shoe.
Easy, partner.
Don't do anything rash.
Now, why are you here? Because you all done me wrong! Wigsy, you sentenced me to life in the loony bin.
Detectives, you arrested me.
Shame on you.
Bagley, how many times do I have to tell you: I hate macaroni and cheese! Oh, how I've wanted to deck all of you.
So deck you I shall ! Go fish.
Joker, you maniac.
Ah, queen of spades.
Joker, you better not Don't make me slap you, Jack.
Get it ? “Slapjack“ ? Set nozzle to wide.
Time for my favorite game.
Fifty-two pickup! The reviews are in, Joker.
Your show's a flop.
Can't stay away from me, can you, Batman? I guess opposites do attract.
Let's chip you out of there.
Chip? Good idea.
Cash me out.
It's the Batman.
Yin, let's get everybody out of here before those two bring down the house.
You're going back to Arkham for a long game of Solitaire.
Funny, Batman.
You're quick with the punch line! Sorry, Batman but Joker always laughs last.
You gambled, Joker.
You lost.
Good evening, sir.
I trust you resolved matters with the crazy crime clown.
Oh, I walked a mile in Joker's shoes tonight and then some.
If I never see another playing card again Oh! Say no more.