The Crew (2021) s01e10 Episode Script

- Gentlemen.
- It's been 12 hours since I saw you.
Who's in charge today? Bobby or Catherine?
Maybe we can put a sign out in the lot
so we know whose butt to kiss.
[chuckles] The only Georgia peach
you guys gotta concern yourselves with
is this one.
Georgia peach?
More like a bag of avocados.
Oh! I love avocados.
- [groans softly]
- Uh, yeah.
What? There's fat in them,
but it's good fat.
Thank you.
Okay, uh, Jake,
we have to fly to Daytona tonight.
I have a meeting with a potential sponsor,
and they really wanna meet you.
Oh, Jake's in.
No, I'm not. The doctor said I can't fly
for another month,
'cause of the concussion.
Something about
too much pressure on my brain.
Breathing puts
too much pressure on your brain.
I gotta drive down.
Okay, guess I can handle it alone.
Why don't you drive down together?
A little bonding time.
It'd be like Thelma & Louise.
Where they go on a crime spree
and drive off a cliff?
That's not the one.
The one with the girl who gets drunk
on a plane. Her friend's getting married.
- Bridesmaids?
- No. No. It's, uh…
There's four of 'em, they do crazy stuff,
and the mom gets all mad.
I think there was a tiger.
- Snakes on a Plane?
- Thank you.
Gosh, you guys
gotta get out to the theater more.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
A road trip will be good.
Sponsors love this kid.
I'm sure they do, uh, but we can't
because I wouldn't want Catherine
to miss her meeting.
You got plenty of time.
Not sure why you keep talking after
Catherine said she's fine to go alone.
No. No. Kevin's right. We should do this.
Yeah. This will be fun.
Oh. "This will be fun."
That's exactly what Thelma said to Louise.
Kevin, didn't you see?
I was giving you my "no, no, no" face.
Well, it looks a lot like your
"Why do dolphins breathe
out of the top of their head?" face.
They have a mouth.
Look, point is, you should do this.
Go with her. Get to know each other.
She's not trying to fire you anymore.
Bury the hatchet.
You know what she's like.
I don't wanna spend a whole day with her.
[sighs]
You're not wrong. It's gonna be hell.
I wouldn't want to do it, that's for sure.
If you honestly don't think
you can handle it, just say the word.
- Really?
- No. You gotta go.
I didn't think you'd call my bluff.
[theme music playing]
On the way down,
we can listen to this amazing podcast
about Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos,
the fraudulent home diagnostic machines.
I guess we could talk.
What do you guys in the garage talk about?
Ah. You, mostly.
And other things that we like.
[Catherine] Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- It's my truck.
- Yeah, I usually drive.
I like being in control.
Maybe you've noticed.
I'm literally a professional driver.
Yeah. Who works for me.
Oh, this is already fun.
Did you guys see that Hornets game?
Pretty crazy.
No, I was watching a documentary on
the Battle of Stalingrad in World War II.
Well, the Russians got off easy
compared to the Hornets.
See what I did there?
Hey. Did you tell everyone my news?
No, you can do it.
Maybe they can guess.
Well, having been a married man,
I know the only right answer is,
"Have you lost weight
and/or got your hair cut
and/or got a new outfit?"
Whatever it is, I love it.
We need more women here.
I'm getting married!
- Congratulations!
- Aw! Good for you, Beth!
That's why I was late.
My mom called me like seven times.
She just kept saying,
"I can't believe it. I can't believe it."
[laughing] And I'm like,
"Yeah, keep saying it, Mom,
because you haven't destroyed
all my self-esteem."
Guess that means you are
going to New York. We'll miss you.
No. Frank said he'll commute
so she can keep her job.
Actually, I am gonna move.
We talked about it last night.
If I'm in, I gotta be in.
You can't half-ass a marriage.
Strong disagree.
So, that's it? You're leaving us, huh?
I don't know. Seems unprofessional.
You swoop in here for 15 years
and sneak out in the middle of the night?
I gave my life to this place.
No. Big Billy gave his life
for this place.
When you leave the loading dock
on an oversized gurney
under a sheet, then we'll talk.
[Chuck] Mmm.
Boy, he could eat a sandwich fast.
[chuckling]
Well, not that last bite.
When are you going?
As soon as you're all right without me.
I need to look at condos with Frank.
Well, you can go now if you want.
We can handle it. We'll be fine.
Frank wants me to, but I'm not gonna
leave you guys right before Daytona.
What? Do you think, we're gonna be like,
"Ooh. Where are the staplers?"
"Where do you keep the wrenches?
Who's gonna do payroll?"
Crap. Who's doing payroll?
I'll get it all in shape.
I know this woman at Penske.
She's looking for a job.
But she's a friend so be nice.
We're nice to everybody, all right?
Just make sure she's regular height.
We spent so much
on step stools and booster seats.
[chuckles] Oh, do you
wanna go over how much
we spent on Ring Dings last month?
I already like the new girl better.
[rock music playing]
Oh, there's a car stopped on the shoulder.
So don't jerk the car to the right
and die in a fiery crash?
Ha-ha.
You got this.
[sighs] I know this is awkward
with me trying to fire you.
You did fire me. Twice.
Nice, you counted that
without holding up fingers.
I got a couple other fingers
I could hold up for you.
I'm just joking around.
Let's make this trip the official start
of our new relationship.
- Okay.
- You're fired! [laughs]
Uh, that was just another joke.
Good one.
You can always tell a joke is good
when your heart starts beating funny
and you pee a little.
Well, we've got hours to kill.
Podcasts aren't your thing,
I'm guessing current events
is off the table.
So
We could play a driving game.
It's what Kevin and I do.
We could.
I'm used to playing it
with someone in a car seat, but sure.
Let's give it a go.
What do you wanna play?
Um…
Oh! Punch buggy blue!
Ow!
- What the hell?
- You hit me.
That's the game. You see a VW bug,
you hit the other person.
Yeah, well, that's a stupid game.
- Oh, punch buggy red!
- [tires screech]
Ow!
[police siren chirps]
You were going a little fast.
Thanks, Stephanie.
You are gonna love these guys.
Kevin's a teddy bear,
Chuck is the salt of the earth,
and Amir is… the chief engineer.
Okay, talk to you soon. Bye-bye.
You couldn't give me one compliment
on the way out?
I was kidding. She'd already hung up.
I could hear her voice.
Let it go, sweetie.
Okay, she's gonna be here at 7:00.
I have everything laid out,
and I made her this manual.
It has everything she needs to know.
Hotels we have relationships with,
frequent flyer numbers, and
Are you kidding me?
The muffins come from Costco?
You said you baked those.
Yeah, it's a little lie
to make them taste better.
- Do you bake my birthday cake?
- Of course I do.
Just don't read page ten.
Speaking of cakes,
are we gonna have a going-away party?
- Absolutely. Let's blow it out.
- Yeah.
No. No party.
I am the only person here
who knows how to plan one,
so either I'd end up doing everything
or it's gonna suck.
Are you outta your mind? I throw a banger.
- Amir, how great was your bachelor party?
- You didn't invite me.
I told you. I had an old email address,
and I apologized.
But it was pretty sick, right?
Oh, epic. Epic!
I never even saw the pictures.
There are none. A party that good,
you leave the phones in the limo.
- [laughing]
- Hot dog!
No. No party.
You know what? We'll take you to lunch.
How about that?
Deal. But since it's for me,
can we please go someplace new?
- What about that sushi place
- Ah!
Okay. All right.
Oh, you know what would be nice?
We could all go to that Indian restaurant.
Eee, not gonna happen.
I have a crazy idea.
We could just go to the Pit Stop again.
Hey, it's your lunch, right? [chuckles]
You decide. You're the boss.
Hey, Beth,
yesterday you broke up with Frank,
and today you're marrying him
and moving away. What happened?
Whoa. That's a personal question.
Yeah, what did happen?
You were there. You heard him.
He apologized.
He admitted that he screwed up.
- And he gave you a ring.
- It's so big!
[sighs]
I gotta go. I gotta get ready for my trip.
I'll lock up?
It's your last day. We'll lock up for you.
Meaning you'll sit
for another hour drinking?
We'll drink for a half hour,
then launch footballs at Amir
while he holds a rack of antlers.
No. It's Chuck's turn with the antlers.
Hold on, you might be right.
Let me check my calendar.
Nope. Uh-uh. Still your year.
So, the guy feels these two bear paws
on his shoulder.
- Uh-huh.
- The bear says,
"You don't come here to hunt,
do you, Dave?"
[laughs]
Oh, I'll remember that one.
[chuckles]
Sorry to pull you over.
You get out of here.
Aw. Thanks, Alex.
My pleasure, Jake.
- You stay safe now.
- Hey, you too.
[both laugh]
[engine starts]
Of course you got out of the ticket.
You've gotten a ticket?
Yeah. I mean, I don't really remember.
Maybe one or two.
You've never gotten out of a ticket.
You're not ugly.
How bad is your personality?
Or maybe I never tried to get out of it
because it's stupid and I respect the law.
Or you can't.
That's it. There's another cop up there.
Move your dumb ass over.
Okay. So when he pulls you over
- No. Don't you help me. I can do this.
- [truck accelerates]
I mean, you never have.
[siren chirps]
Wanna make this interesting?
It's gonna be interesting
watching you get tased.
Twenty bucks says I get a warning.
Easiest money I'll ever make.
That's cheating.
No, this is cheating.
[indistinct police radio chatter]
Did I do something, officer?
You were going pretty fast back there.
License and registration, please.
Oh, yeah. Um…
Here you go. No problem.
Wow. Maybe I should write you a ticket
for having such broad shoulders.
I'm gonna run these.
Y'all stay in the vehicle.
[laughing]
Broad shoulders? Why didn't
you just tell him he had good penmanship?
Watch and learn.
I'm taking it to the next level.
You don't have to pay me.
I don't want you to humiliate yourself.
No. There's nothing humiliating about it.
Know what? Let's double the bet.
20 times two equals 40,
in case you can't do the math.
Oh, I
I hope I don't get a ticket.
I just got a new insurance card.
Please step out of the car, Miss Spencer?
- What?
- You got a warrant from 2013.
Public intoxication.
You failed to appear before a judge.
I gotta take you in.
Oh, spring break.
Step out of the vehicle,
place your hands behind your back.
Officer, when you frisk her, can you check
to see if she has 40 bucks on her?
[rock music playing]
Okay, I'm sick of being the deer.
A year's way too long,
I think we need to go month-to-month.
You need to learn to catch a football.
You're both throwing at the same time,
and I'm holding antlers.
God. She thought of everything. Listen.
"May 11th is the anniversary
of Kevin's last race."
"That's the day I like
to clean the trophy case."
"It gives him a chance to tell stories,
and it cheers him up."
Did you know she did this?
I know I hear those stories.
And it feels like
way more than once a year.
That's really sweet.
[cell phone chimes]
Okay, hold on a second.
It's Beth. All right, she made it back.
- She texts you every time she gets home?
- Yeah. Let me know she made it safe.
I guess that's the last one
you're ever gonna get.
What do you mean?
She won't text you from New York
to let you know she's home.
Wow. I never thought of that.
I got one of those every night
for the last 15 years.
I'll text you.
What makes you think
that would help the man?
I'm gonna miss her.
Yeah. We all are.
No. Not like that. I mean…
if Amir went to New York, I'd be fine.
Oh. Okay. Glad I made an impact.
You know what I'm talking about. I just
I don't feel good.
I feel I might've screwed up here.
- Wait, wait, wait. What are you saying?
- I just
She shouldn't be with Frank.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
We just kept missing each other.
I was dating someone,
then she was dating someone.
- The timing was never right.
- The timing's not great right now.
It is never too late.
Just go tell her how you feel.
Look, I don't know how I feel.
Do you want her to leave?
No.
- You think she should be with you?
- Yes.
Yeah, well, that's what you tell her.
Okay, not to be the Rosie O'Donnell
of this romantic comedy,
but she's engaged.
To Frank. Who's a friend of yours.
Shut up, Amir.
We're talking about true love.
Everything else goes out the window
when you're in love.
What would you do
if someone asked your fiancée out?
I
I guess I'd have to fight him.
But have you seen Frank?
At best, he does Pilates.
What's he gonna do?
Roll me up in a yoga mat?
[laughs]
Ah, so, go to her.
No, I can't.
I can't do it till it's right.
I gotta visualize the whole thing.
I gotta plan something.
I'll do it tomorrow
when I see her at lunch. Let's do it then.
She's tired of the Pit Stop.
I know what I'm talking about.
Listen to me.
We'll sit down at the table.
We'll order wings. We always get wings.
She always gets sauce
in the corner of her mouth,
and I always wipe it off.
And she laughs.
And that's when I'll launch in.
That is romantic.
Yeah. My wife and I,
we have a similar thing.
We'll be at dinner, she'll get
something on her face,
and I'll be thinking…
why didn't I marry Rebecca from college?
- All taken care of.
- Yeah. I didn't need help.
Are you kidding? You can't say thank you?
Thank you for what? The only reason
I'm in trouble is because of you.
I just kept you out of jail.
If there's a choice between a truck ride
with you and jail, I'll take jail.
And not a regular one.
No, a supermax one where
you're given a paper sheet to sleep under
and need to knock-out
the largest woman to establish dominance
This is why I didn't wanna
go on this trip with you.
Not because you fired me.
Because you're selfish and mean.
You really wanna do this here?
Okay. I've got pets smarter than you.
Big whoop. Dogs are smart.
Fish.
No one likes you. No one.
You think I don't know that?
- You crying?
- No.
You sure?
Keep asking. It's really helping.
- [sobs softly]
- I didn't even know you could cry.
When I moved back to Charlotte,
I thought,
I've got a chance to change things.
[chuckles] I'm gonna be fun Catherine now.
Everyone's gonna like me.
Yeah, well, that lasted two seconds.
God. What's wrong with me?
I can't stop myself.
[inhales]
Be like this.
This is someone everyone would love.
- You really mean that?
- Yeah.
After all the horrible things I've said?
Even after I pretended to see a VW
so I could punch you?
Yeah, I do mean it.
[rock music playing]
I know. Oh my God. Hey, she's here.
What is she doing here? She's early.
I was gonna be here first, get the table,
order a drink, be all suave.
Know what?
This is not working. Let's call it off.
Wait. Stop. Stop. What is wrong with you?
Kevin, please. It's Beth.
You've had lunch a million times.
But not like this. This is different.
Am I blinking a lot?
I feel like I'm blinking a lot.
I got this, man.
Okay, I'm better. Here we go.
[growls] How's that?
Oh. Yeah, that's better.
If your plan is to keep her
in a well in your basement.
- Just relax. You got this.
- Yeah, okay.
Here we go. Hey.
Hey. Come on, you guys, I'm starving.
Oh, Kevin, you are looking
very handsome today.
If I were a woman,
I don't know if I could resist this.
I'll just go sit over there.
Wait, are they not eating with us?
[low-voiced]
No, I thought I'd eat with you alone.
Uh, I wanted to talk you about some stuff.
What's up with your voice?
I dunno. It's just my normal voice.
[laughing] No, it isn't.
Kind of.
It's the voice you use
when you're nervous.
Like when you're talking
to an inspector at the track.
[mumbles]
[low-voiced] I'm just as shocked as you
to find an illegal part on the car.
[laughs]
- Who's hungry?
- [normal-voiced] We could order.
- She'll have the wings.
- Can I have the club sandwich?
- Can you do me a favor and have wings?
- I had wings last night.
So double up. I do it all the time.
I had wings for breakfast, okay?
- That's a lot of chicken.
- And chicken's fine.
Chicken's good for you. It's a protein.
It doesn't matter.
- Do this for me.
- Why is this important?
Can you order the chicken?
- Okay, I will have the wings.
- We're gonna have wings.
- We're out.
- No, you're not.
They're very important,
so get those wings.
- I'm sorry.
- Can you get 'em?
Kevin, can I just get the club sandwich?
I gotta look at something else.
What else is messy?
You're acting really strange.
And you're blinking a lot.
[sighs] Okay. Um…
[Beth] What?
[exhales]
Beth, I wanted to talk to you
about something
that we didn't talk about, and it's
It has to do with the pamphlet you made.
And it got me thinking,
the things you wrote in there
- were kind of important to me
- One second. Oh.
Oh, shoot, it's Frank. I gotta go.
He got me an earlier flight.
You can't go. Can I talk to you?
- I'm sorry
- We're having a party. We have people.
No. He found this condo.
He really wants me to look at it.
- There's multiple bids on it.
- I know.
- I'll be back in a few weeks.
- Okay.
- We'll talk then. Okay?
- Yeah.
- [kisses]
- All right.
- Promise you'll see someone for your eyes.
- Yeah.
It's really disturbing.
Hey, guys, I'm sorry.
I gotta go. I gotta catch a flight.
Thank you for today.
You guys are the best.
- I'll check in next week.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What's that?
- What happened?
I tried to force it, and it didn't go.
But, actually, the way I look at it now,
it might be better.
It's one of those clouds
and a blessing in disguise. Silver thing.
Because here's why.
I can do it in three weeks.
Better yet, I'll do it at the wedding.
No. No. No!
Are you grabbing my shirt?
Yeah. And I'm letting it go now.
But this is unacceptable!
Who cares if it isn't perfect?
What matters is what's in your heart.
Unless you wanna wait.
Hey, Amir is right.
Thank you.
- I read this article
- Shut up, Amir.
Kevin, there are moments in a man's life
when he has to stand up and be counted.
Now, this is never easy,
but this is one of those moments.
You're not just doing this for you,
you're doing it for Beth.
And what's most important?
Well, her happiness.
Right. And where will she be happier?
Up in New York with Frank
or right here with you?
You know what?
I am ready to stand up and be counted.
- [huffs]
- I was wrong. We do have wings.
I can't even look at your face right now.
[Kevin] Beth!
Oh, you scared me.
I was going for my mace.
Look. I got something
I want to tell you. Um…
I wanted to give you this.
Oh, man. Sorry.
I just washed these,
they are super snug right now.
There we go. There.
What is this for?
Well, it's supposed
to be your Christmas gift, but
It's a custom Pez dispenser
for your collection.
I had the idea a couple months ago,
and I had them make it up.
Is it me?
It was supposed to be you,
but my pants turned it into Rick James
coming out of the shower.
[laughs]
It's you dressed as
a Little Hoofer dancing.
When you were a kid, you know.
- Oh, I love it.
- Yeah.
You're even holding the first place trophy
you deserved to win,
if what you said about politics infecting
grade-school dance competitions is true.
It is.
This is the nicest present anyone
has ever given me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything,
but Christmas is four months away,
you nutbag.
Listen. I'm worried about you.
And I wanted to tell you that…
I don't think
you're gonna be happy in New York.
I think you belong here
with your friends and… and me.
It's sweet of you to worry,
but I am gonna be okay.
You know,
I've lived in a small town my whole life,
and now I'm gonna be one of those
fancy New York people that we make fun of.
And you know what else?
I know this sounds crazy, but…
I was thinking I'd try out
for one of those musicals.
You know how much I love
singing and dancing
- Crazier things have happened.
- No.
I don't think it's crazy at all.
I know I was going back
and forth on Frank,
but I'm really excited.
And I am gonna miss you so much,
but I'm gonna call you all the time,
and I'm gonna come visit.
- I promise.
- Okay.
Yeah, I mean, you're
You're gonna be happy in New York.
You got this.
Frank better take care of you,
or else I'll snap his neck. Okay?
He just does Pilates, right?
I gotta go.
Love you.
Yeah.
I love you.
[car engine starts]
[Kevin sighs]
[theme music playing]