The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s01e10 Episode Script

1
For today's PE,
we'll conduct a fitness test.
Fitness test is when I have to be
the most careful.
Today's results will be recorded.
Damn, I hate this.
Same here.
If only we were tested on handguns
or close combat,
I would actually care.
You two, pay attention!
I seriously need to slack off.
BALL THROWING
I'll stake everything on this throw!
You don't need to.
Here I go!
That's so far!
Hairo, 46,3 meters!
You're sweating too much.
Damn, Hairo, you're on a roll!
That's right.
Until now,
I may have been taking it too easy.
What are you talking about?
But I have a powerful rival now.
A fitness test pitting
our athletic prowess
is the perfect way to challenge you!
Watching you really fired me up!
What about you, Nendo?
Do you feel motivated now?
-Huge tits.
-Cut it out, idiot!
-Next up, Nendo!
-Oh, is it my turn?
You kept the tits?
Nendo, 51,8 meters!
Seriously?
Apparently, Nendo threw it 51 meters.
-The reaction is so different.
-Good for him.
But 46 meters is still awesome!
But 51 meters
Next! Saiki!
I'll get this over with
while they are distracted.
SIDE-STEP TES
Time's up!
This one is not an issue.
I'll just copy the guy in front of me.
To be honest,
I completely messed up the ball throw.
Thankfully, nobody was watching.
Amazing, Hairo got a 79!
Nendo, I lost to you in the ball throw,
but I won't lose in agility test!
Next group, begin!
You still have the tits?
How can he move so fast
with those massive tits?
At this point, they seem less like tits
but more like deformed deltoids.
-Nendo got an 81.
-Nendo
-Did you read that comic book?
-How can you
-Get it, Hairo!
-Go, Hairo!
-Wow, 63 kilograms?
-Hairo, you're amazing!
I'm more terrified
by his facial expression.
How about in hand grip strength?
Nendo's record is 84 kilograms.
Eighty-four? No way!
What a man! Not to mention,
he still has the tits!
That part is irrelevant.
Oh, I went too far.
I'll just loop it back around.
Things are going smoothly.
Kaido, what are you doing?
Saiki!
BALL THROWING: 6M,
SIDE-STEP: 26, HAND GRIP: 16KG
That's amazing.
No, wait! There are
complicated reasons for this!
Hand grip strength, 16 kilograms.
If I weren't holding back,
I could go up to two tons.
Holding back 99 percent of your strength
is obviously too much.
What's even worse is that he got 26
for side-step test.
Well, it's just that I'm incredibly fast
that it looks like I'm slow.
What are you? The blades on a fan?
Lastly, the ball throw, six meters.
Well, that actually circled the Earth,
so it should be the circumference
of the Earth plus six meters.
Grow up.
SIT AND REACH
This is the final battle.
If I lose here, I'll lose everything.
And it's my Achilles' heel,
-the flexibility challenge.
-Wait, you're still at it?
His tits are stuck!
Nendo, 34 centimeters.
-These are in the way!
-Just take them out.
Here it goes!
Hairo, 65 centimeters!
-Yes! I won!
-Wait, it makes you that happy?
-Nendo!
-What?
That was a good fight!
You're an incredible rival after all!
Let's go again!
-Okay!
-You're acting like you won,
but you lost, right?
Two losers licking each other's wounds.
Kaido!
I just pity you, that's all.
I'll finish this using absolute strength.
What do you mean?
No way!
Kaido, 74,3 centimeters.
I'll tell you my nickname
from middle school,
-"Sit-and-reach Kaido"!
-Lame.
I lost.
I guess I've shown you
another one of my hidden powers!
You're way too proud of this.
All right, clean up!
I guess I still have room to grow.
I didn't think Kaido would be
the one to show me that.
Room for growth
If it exists, I want to see it.
Wait, where's my right tit?
You're here again?
I'm going to drive you out.
This damn cat.
Since that time I saved him,
he comes over every day,
meowing and nagging us.
And his reason
Cats should be loved and worshipped
by all humans.
But that man doesn't
pay any attention to me!
Unforgivable! He doesn't know his place
as a lowly human!
What are you getting so pissed about?
Sure, most people like cats,
but there are plenty who don't.
Are you hungry, kitty? Here is some food.
Well, I can't persuade you
with a father like that.
Do you want it?
Hey, I thought you were driving him away.
Look, I was just using this as bait
to drive Amp away.
Don't give the damn cat a name.
I already have control over this human.
Soon, I'll control you, too.
I'll come every day until you pet me!
Not like that! How rude!
-Stop already!
-He hasn't even let me pet him yet.
-Let me pet you.
-If you get on your knees and beg,
maybe I'll let you
Wait, what's happening?
What the hell is that face?
Nice, I can use this.
Hey, where is my food?
-Here you go! Eat up, kitty.
-Canned food again? Well, whatever.
And don't talk in that voice.
It pisses me off.
Now is my chance!
What the hell?
I've never seen you before! Who are you?
I guess I'll call myself Sai.
Transformation.
With this ability, I can shape-shift
into anything I want
though it takes about two hours
to transform.
Wow! Another cat!
-And where did you come from?
-Gross.
-You remind me of someone.
-Oh, there's another drawback.
When I transform into anything
other than a human
A cat punch.
I'm not familiar with this body,
so it's hard to moderate my strength.
What's up with that punch?
It could kill somebody.
-Damn. I did it again.
-That's amazing.
Well, whatever.
Do you want to fight?
Let's have a go! I'm not scared!
Follow me, Amp.
It's Pussy!
You! Why did you bring me here?
This cat's nonstop meowing
is partially because he's horny.
I didn't want to help him,
but I don't have a choice.
You're telling me to ask Pussy out?
Why would you suggest that?
I don't even like her!
You're a terrible liar.
To be honest, I do have a crush on Pussy.
I want to mate with Pussy so badly.
If you were a human, you could
get arrested for what you just said.
But I can't. There's no way
that Pussy would like me.
Who do you think I am?
Even though I'm a cat, I'm still me.
I have a plan.
Sai! I see her in that alley.
Follow our plan.
Don't screw this up!
Worry about yourself.
But I'm surprised.
To think that he would come up
with a plan like that
First, Sai will bully Pussy,
then I will show up to save her.
I will beat Sai up,
showing off what a hero I am!
And then I will ask her out.
What a cunning strategy! It's foolproof
Here we go!
Stop right there! You'd better back off!
-Such a pretty butterfly.
-What?
What is it? What do you want from me?
No, you've got it wrong!
What was the line again?
Prepare yourself?
No! A pervert! Someone help me!
Wait, stop that!
Good grief. What the hell happened
while I was in the bathroom?
The plan failed. I guess I'll go help.
-Sai! You came just in time!
-Help me!
-Tell her I'm not a pervert!
-Stop!
-Help me!
-You look exactly like a pervert.
-Please, explain to her
-I know. Calm down.
Damn it. I forgot to control
my strength again.
Oh, my god! Thank you so much!
You're so strong!
Let's mate I mean, what's your name?
SEVERAL DAYS LATER
Hey! Get out here, Sai!
What an incredible man.
Since that day,
I can't stop thinking about him.
Amp, Pussy, here's your food.
And now we have two cats.
I don't play games
that everyone else plays
because I can see the ending
through other people's minds.
So I play games that nobody plays.
Basically, shitty games.
Olfana Story X-2.
It was 100 yen.
I considered the game next to it too,
but that one was clearly
a shitty game, so I held off.
Welcome to the land of Olfana.
Oh, it gets right to it.
Those who live in Olfana
live in fear of a terrible monster
named Necrosofia.
Necrosofia possesses a mysterious power
called Mind.
Necrosofia conquered Olfana
with this power
and contemplated a Limited Edition.
To stop this plan, the king
I don't care about this story at all.
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 1
Whatever. I'll skip the opening.
I'll learn the names eventually.
Oh, I can't.
There's no option to skip.
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 2
The people of Olfana
call this power Excel.
Just stick to Mind.
I'll look up the unfamiliar words.
This game is full of unfamiliar words.
Run!
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 3
RANDOM QTE
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 4
INSTANTANEOUS DEATH
Well, that one couldn't be helped.
That's on me
for putting the controller down.
Let's try that again.
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 5
HAS TO START OVER
Starting over.
No!
If I know what's coming, it's easy.
Good grief.
In order to avoid sitting through
that long opening again,
I need to find a save point
Now it froze.
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 6
GLITCHES
If you are shaken up
by something like this,
you can never play shitty games.
Finally, I'm making some progress.
Hey, buddy. You're not bad!
What? Is it this guy?
You're still young, rookie.
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 7
SHITTY GRAPHICS
Whatever, it's fine.
These days, a lot of games are
focusing on the graphics too much.
What matters is the content.
We need to deal with
those Necrosofia thugs.
I didn't expect they would manage
to invade the kingdom.
But I won't let them have their way
or else I don't deserve the title
of Marshal!
So, you're being invaded, right?
Unfamiliar words are easy to learn
once you start playing.
I'm Tom, nice to meet you!
These graphics aren't bad
once you get used to them.
This might not have been
a bad purchase after all.
CHARACTERISTIC OF SHITTY GAMES - 3
RANDOM QTE
Hey, you can't even shake my hand?
You must be a Necrosofia scum!
Let's work together, buddy!
-Success!
-All right!
The two of us are war buddies now!
Come on, Tom.
We don't become buddies
just because we shook hands.
Let's make it out of here alive!
I don't care about you.
Here they come! Watch my back!
Yes, watch your back.
A battle. This is going to be
tough too, right?
FIGH
They're weak. I can do this.
Here I go!
Oh, this guy is fighting too.
FIGH
So weak! Two points?
With an attack like that,
how did he beat me earlier?
He's hopeless.
Whatever.
I can do this by myself.
What is this? Seriously?
I have to fight while protecting him?
This old man who attacked me
just because I didn't shake his hand?
Take this!
If they go for Tom, it's over.
I can only win this with pure luck.
One down!
It's just getting started,
but I never want to see him again.
Where is the save point?
-What?
-There are more of them.
Damn, we don't have a choice!
Finish them off with Excel.
Let's do this.
I'll show you a 16-shots rapid fire.
A never-before-seen controller movement.
I won't lose to you!
All right!
Finally, a save point!
I've never felt so relieved
to see the save screen.
That was a tough fight.
Oh, my controller is all messed up.
I'd better fix it.
So I'm finally free
from that endless introduction.
What? Why is the screen
The cord is tangled up and
Welcome to the land of Olfana.
Excel!
Soon, the world will be soaked in blood.
Kaido is delusional as always.
Saiki, the awakening draws near.
No, you wake up.
All right, Saiki, see you tomorrow.
Well, that's only if there's a tomorrow.
Oh, Shun!
Heading home?
Welcome back, Mommy!
"Mommy"?
Are these your friends?
-Hi, I'm Shun's mother.
-Let's just go home!
What's wrong? We live nearby.
Why don't you invite them over for tea?
What? Well, he's busy.
Right?
Yeah, today's a little
-That, that, and
-Take the hint.
Well, I can skip all of them.
-Hey!
-How about you? Are you free?
I don't think I can make it today.
I got some coffee jelly earlier
from the town hall meeting.
Would you like some?
-Hurry up and lead the way.
-You're coming?
-Please come in.
-It's huge!
-This is Shun's room.
-It's so spacious!
-There's enough room to roll around!
-Can you not roll around?
Such lively friends.
I'll go make some tea.
Thanks.
Hey, Little guy.
You call your mother "Mommy"?
-Can't let that go.
-Are you a good boy at home?
-Does she treat you like a little boy?
-Shut up!
Well, my mom does the same to me.
It's not that I act like a good son.
I just don't want to involve civilians.
In this world,
I live not as the Jet-Black Wings,
but as Shun Kaido.
And my mother is actually a monster.
-In my past life
-Calm down, Shun.
Hey, what are you doing?
Looking for porn magazines, obviously.
I don't have any!
Oh, this is suspicious.
-What's this?
-That's
Don't touch that diary.
I won't forgive you if you look inside.
Put down the diary, Nendo.
He's being serious.
Come on.
Delusional people have a few diaries
that they won't let anyone read.
Boring. I'll just look for other stuff.
Stop it already!
Messing up my sanctuary
-Here's some tea.
-You're such a quirky guy.
You change personalities quickly.
I'm a little worried about my son
because he's a bit shy,
so I hope you'll take care of him.
-Cut it out, Mom Mother.
-She's pretty different from my mom.
So, where do you two
want to go to college?
Mother, that's for another time.
What are you talking about?
Now is the most important time.
You're almost done with high school,
so you're studying for exams now, right?
-Which college
-That's a funny joke, Madame!
-"Madame"?
-Why would we study for collage?
-Anyone can make it easily.
-This guy is an idiot.
No, she was talking about college.
I'm not going to college.
I'm going to start my own business.
All I can say is good luck.
How about you?
I haven't really thought about it.
Besides,
this is all I can think about right now.
-Don't you think you should think about
-Here we go again.
You should have started thinking
about college applications years ago!
My Shun goes to cram school three days
a week and studies at home every day.
The two of you at least
go to cram school and study, right?
Shun! We need to talk!
The two of you should work on
these workbooks.
Snacks come after!
Don't hang out with those two anymore!
-What?
-You'll turn out like them, too!
Choose friends who are at least
as studious as you are!
There's no time to waste!
She's strict about education.
But she's right.
Where are the porn magazines?
His grades have been dropping,
and now is an important time.
As for me,
I wouldn't mind if he left me alone.
-He would stop following me around
-Mommy, I can't.
Those two are really
precious friends of mine.
So I want to be with them.
Please.
Shun, are you going to disobey me?
No, it's not like that.
Weakling.
If you won't tell them, then I will!
Has there ever been a time
that he's talked back to me?
What are you two doing?
I told you to study!
From now on, you can't
What?
You've done everything!
And it hasn't even been ten minutes.
Are you two actually geniuses?
Mommy, hold on a second!
Like I said before What?
Take care of my Shun from now on, too!
Oh, honey!
You made some very good friends.
It wasn't for your sake.
-It's for the coffee jelly.
-Leave it to me.
And I didn't want to be grouped with him.
Here, Shun, come study too!
What's this?
"The Jet-Black Wings background"?
What's this?
Please lend me your strength!
No.
Her name is Yoriko Itano.
She's in my class.
-Isn't she cute?
-Not interested.
Her birthday is December 3rd,
and her blood type is O.
Whatever you say, I'm not helping you.
Her measurements are 81-59-83.
She likes to listen to music,
and she plays synthesizer.
I'm reporting you.
I asked a protective spirit!
I went there every day.
-Hey.
-What is he? Some retired detective?
You came again?
Thanks to him,
I even know how many moles
are on her body.
This is beyond the scope of the law.
Why don't you just talk to her?
-I get nervous when I'm around her.
-I don't care.
With your powers,
please make her do
whatever I tell her to do!
Scum.
-Well, I figured you would say no.
-Then don't ask me.
I understand. I'll do it myself.
In exchange, please don't get in my way.
I won't as long as it's ethical
and can be on TV.
I technically have special powers,
so I can pick up
a girl or two easily!
Don't pick up her trash.
So, are you going for it?
Now is your chance.
I need to monitor you
so you don't hurt her.
Whatever.
I'll show you my new power,
summoning!
It's the ability to channel the dead.
I'll channel this guy here.
There's nobody there.
PSYCHOMETRY
-This is Raiya. He was a pickup artist.
-Ciao.
He was the best male escort.
He hit on every girl he met.
While dating 48 girls at the same time,
he was stabbed by one of them and died.
I don't know if they were from an idol
group, but I slept with all of them.
What is wrong with you?
Summoning!
-I can even sleep with celebrities!
-No, you can't.
This will work, right?
So, you can switch back.
My consciousness is still here.
Many spirits want another chance
to be human again.
So he agreed to help me out.
There's no problem with that, right?
Whatever.
What?
Toritsuka?
-Thank you for choosing me.
-I didn't.
He's different than usual though.
You're very pretty.
Don't tease me.
Are you blushing? That's so cute.
I can't hold myself back now.
-May I kiss you?
-What?
Wait, hold on!
Wait! This is going too fast.
But I can't exactly say no.
-No wonder he was the best escort.
-Raiya, good job! Now switch!
But this is the fun part.
But kissing this soon is
-Pervert!
-That hurt!
-I was so close, though.
-Don't give up.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
The problem is that you can't fish.
Hold on, it's not over yet.
I've actually summoned someone else.
This is Rentaro.
He looks kind of pathetic.
So blunt!
What's with this guy?
Yes, he might look pathetic at first.
But he's actually quite incredible.
His childhood friend,
his classmates, and his coworkers
All of them had crushes on him!
Is this a romantic comedy?
But he's so dense
that he didn't date any of them.
So pure!
What are you talking about?
Yes, this is a romantic comedy.
As long as I have his pheromones,
I can do this!
Here I go!
Are you serious?
That girl suddenly started
thinking about you.
That was the first time a boy
called me pretty.
I didn't care much about him before,
but
Stop thinking about him!
Toritsuka.
What do you want this time?
If you do something
like that again, I'll scream.
Sorry about before.
I'm sorry!
I didn't even consider your feelings
and just
Anyway, I'm sorry!
Come on. If you apologize to me like that,
I can't say anything to you.
It's fine.
Really? I'm so glad!
I want you to like me, so
PIT-A-PA
Is Rentaro amazing,
or is Yoriko just gullible?
This might actually go well.
Rentaro, you're awesome!
What? Did I do something?
The thing you told me before,
did you really mean it?
THUMP
Are you okay, Yoriko?
I was starting to think you were nice,
but not anymore.
You pervert!
This is a romantic comedy cliche.
I get worked up sometimes,
but I kind of like shitty games.
Next time
It looks like it'll go unexpectedly
with more new characters.
Subtitle translation by Takuya Sawaoka