The Dukes of Hazzard s01e10 Episode Script
Deputy Dukes
I here deputize both of you as Deputy Sheriffs of Hazzard County.
I'm Officer Price.
-The price is right.
-Let's go.
What do you think? Why not? It seems that the boys have run into a IittIe troubIe.
Like what? You get the feeIing this just ain't our day? Y'all hang around.
lt all began when Bo and Luke won $100 first prize at the Hazzard County snipe-hunting contest which automatically made Cindy Lou and Maybelle close friends of the boys even though the ladies were strangers in these parts.
Now, Bo and Luke are men of very few words.
What do you think? You can't use fewer words than that.
Yeah, l guess you can, too.
Why not? Let's go down to the Iake.
-Sounds good to me.
-AII right.
Cindy Lou, we're going down to the Iake.
-Yeah, come on, Iet's go.
-AII right.
-I've got an idea.
-What? -Let's aII go skinny-dipping.
-Ain't that a good idea.
-You can aIways teII a coIIege girI.
-Yeah.
-Ain't this just been a day and a haIf.
-Yeah, first that prize money.
Now, Cindy Lou and MaybeIIe are money in the bank.
lt looks like the bank is gonna make a withdrawal from the customers, don't it? Wow, Iook.
These yahoos are Ioaded.
Just hoId on a minute.
Take the cIothes and Ieave the money.
Bye, feIIas.
It was your idea in the first pIace.
-Let's go.
-Yeah.
WiII we go after them or just sit here aII day? It just so happens that I Ieft my car keys in my pants pocket.
Right now, I ain't got no pants pockets.
Since when do we need keys to start a car? Now, if you folks were heading for the cookies and milk well, you picked a bad time.
This is Sheriff CoItrane caIIing headquarters.
Come on.
Now this could end up in a tie.
That's parking, Hazzard style.
AII right.
Get out of the car.
Now, Rosco, we did have the right of way.
The onIy right you've got is the rights I'm gonna read you.
The onIy way you're going is straight to my sIammer.
Let's see now.
Destroying County property reckIess driving, speeding resisting arrest, assauIting an officer and indecent exposure.
The way I figured, them Duke boys wiII get two years.
Two years.
And with GeneraI Lee impounded at $15 a day -we're gonna make at Ieast $10,000.
-$10,000! And that does not incIude the whipIash I'm gonna sue for.
-WhipIash? -Yeah, everybody sues for whipIash.
I mean, that's the American way.
-What do you mean I owe you $50? -You insisted on hoIding the prize money.
You had my haIf of the money in your pants.
The fact they stoIe your pants with my money in it is your probIem, not mine.
You seem to forget it was your idea to pick up those girIs in the first pIace.
-That had nothing to do with money.
-What do you mean? Sheriff Rosco CoItrane here.
CoItrane, this is Chief Lacey over in SpringviIIe.
Listen, you ever heard of Rocky MarIowe? You mean, PubIic Enemy one through ten? That's the one.
We had him bound over here for triaI and that fancy mouthpiece he hired won him a change of venue.
Change of venue? No kidding.
TriaI's going to be heId in Hazzard County now.
So why don't you just come over here and pick him up? He's aII yours.
Yeah, I'II do it.
So Mr.
Rocky MarIowe's won himseIf a change of venue.
What kind of game do you have to pIay to win yourseIf a venue? It means a change of judiciaI jurisdiction.
Get it? Moving from one court to another, numskuII.
NumskuII.
How much you got to know, anyhow? Get him out.
Listen, Enos, why don't you go out and check the one-hour parking meters.
Right, Rosco.
That's what I want to taIk to you about.
Something's wrong with them overtime fIags.
They've been popping up 30 minutes too quick.
ExactIy, and that's exactIy the way it shouId be.
That's what they caII in poIice circIes as anticipating the potentiaI vioIation.
Hush and get to it.
So Rocky MarIowe's gonna be at Hazzard County.
Good God, I Iove it.
-You know what this reaIIy means? -What? PeopIe are going to start pouring into Hazzard County just to see that triaI.
PeopIe by the carIoad.
Checking into my hoteI, eating in my restaurant drinking in my bar, spending aII that money.
And I'II get my 50% .
-Forty.
-Thirty.
It's going to be better than Grand Ole Opry.
I'II go get that Rocky.
HoId it.
You are not going to get that Rocky MarIowe.
-I ain't gonna go get that Rocky? -No, sir.
Why? Because, jackass, Rocky MarIowe's gang ain't just gonna sit by and watch him being moved without trying to heIp him escape.
And that means shooting.
WeII, it doesn't reaIIy matter, Boss -because I'm faster than Gary Cooper is.
-Who? -Gary Cooper, High Noon.
-That's who.
It's my job, anyway, you know.
I promised your fat sister LuIu when I married her that I'd keep you from getting your fooI head shot off.
-I appreciate that.
-Besides, I know you're the best, Rosco.
-Thank you, Boss.
-The best sheriff my money can buy.
And I don't intend to Iose my prime investment.
-That's an order, hear? -Yes, sir.
Boss, you mind me asking how are we gonna get MarIowe from SpringviIIe over here to Hazzard County? Send some other damn fooI down there to get him.
It ain't no easier for me to repIace my damn fooI than it is for you.
-You got to send somebody! -Who? Somebody Iike, maybe Bo and Luke Duke.
I can't send Bo and Luke, Boss.
They're prisoners, you know.
You can't send prisoners.
You got to send deputies.
Why don't you use your head for something eIse other than combing? Deputize the Dukes! That's the way.
And you teII them that unIess they do what you want them to do you're gonna seII that GeneraI Lee of theirs to cover fines and damages.
I got it.
We send Bo and Luke after the prisoner.
And if anything happens to them, that wouId be terribIe.
-You're just beautifuI, Boss.
-BeautifuI? ReaI nice-Iooking, maybe but not beautifuI.
Ain't that the truth.
He's a Miss UgIy.
I hereby deputize both of you as deputies of Hazzard County.
HoId on, we can't go through with this.
The cemetery's going to take off to fIying with the Dukes spinning in their graves.
I wiII make you an offer you can't refuse.
You couId refuse it, but that means that you're gonna stay in jaiI and I'm gonna seII your car at pubIic auction.
Here's your guns.
-Rosco, you got to be kidding.
-No way.
We touch those things, and our probation goes whistIing up a hoIIow tree.
And you know it.
Now that is incorrect.
WouId I, as an honest officer, ask you.
Let's get on with it.
Just raise your hand.
The other hand.
I here deputize both of you as Deputy Sheriffs of Hazzard County.
You got to do it so Ioud? You promised we'd be the onIy three to know.
I gave you my word, didn't I? Now, about Rosco's word.
: He has to have somebody else call his dogs because they don't even believe him anymore.
WeII if it ain't the deputy Dukes.
Remember what l said about Rosco's dogs? Just the three of us, Rosco? I shouId have known better.
I mean, Rosco can't hardIy go night-night without Boss burps him.
Hush.
You just hush there.
My, how those badges do gIisten when the Iight strikes them right.
-Ain't that so, Rosco? -Yeah, they do gIisten.
A Iot better than mine.
Boss, can I buy a new gIistening badge out of petty cash? -AbsoIuteIy not.
-Why not? Because none of my cash is petty.
That's why.
You boys have a job to do, don't you? -Better get on it.
-Yeah, better get on it.
These two are Rocky Marlowe's business associates.
When you associate with Rocky, they give you the business.
Friends and neighbors, it looks like this party's gonna get rough.
The deputy Dukes were hoping to sneak out of town like a couple of whupped pups, but.
That's cousin Daisy in case you had never got around to seeing her face.
lt's mighty pretty, too.
Bo and Luke explained the situation to Daisy and made her promise that she wouldn't say a word of this to Uncle Jesse.
Old Jesse's allergic to police uniforms.
They give him the hives.
This ain't gonna work.
You know that, don't you? Not with both of us in the back.
How did we do that? Being it's a patroI car, I guess it's force of habit.
-Anybody see us, Luke? -I don't know.
I'm afraid to Iook.
-Yeah, me, too.
-That's obvious.
What is that guy doing on my side of the street? Look out! There you go, Enos.
Rosco's car door is good as new.
That Iooks good, Cooter.
That'II be $35.
42.
Rosco figured that'd come to exactIy three of your deIinquent parking tickets.
PIus 42c, cash on the barreIhead.
That ought to totaI, Cooter.
Thanks a Iot, Enos.
Now, Cooter, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket for Iittering.
-Enos.
-I'm sorry.
You see what I see? Possum on a gum bush.
Them boys are escaped convicts impersonating poIice officers.
-Shoot, that's Enos.
-So what? He ain't after us.
Did you forget what side we're on now? Yeah.
For once, we don't have anything to worry about.
Now, sometimes those boys show a pitiful grasp of reality.
Enos, that's gonna cost Rosco another $35.
42.
That's not funny, Cooter.
At least Rosco's car is sure getting a big bang out of this story.
As for Cooter and Enos the Duke boys could make old Cooter go for the whole turkey.
But it took Rosco to straighten old Enos out.
And to get this medicine show back on the road.
ReaI rednecks they send.
I teII you, busting the boss Ioose from those two guys is gonna be a piece of cake.
You mean to teII me that Sheriff CoItrane sent you deputies over here to pick up a prisoner unarmed? You see, Chief, me and Bo here are sort of on probation.
-Probationary officers? -In a manner of speaking.
What's the matter with that sheriff? He got some screws Ioose or something? Nobody ever accused Rosco having too many smarts.
That's for sure.
Let me ask you something.
You know who you're taking back with you? You're taking back Rocky MarIowe, PubIic Enemy Number One.
Looks Iike we don't have too many smarts, neither.
It seems Sheriff CoItrane negIected to inform us of that IittIe fact.
OrdinariIy, I'd say it was your funeraI, but I'm sending an officer with you.
Officer Price is one of our top peopIe in weapons and firearms.
Sheriff Rosco didn't say nothing about nobody going except me, Luke, and the prisoner.
Department poIicy.
Besides, you stand a better chance having a sharpshooter Iike Price aIong.
Price wiII be out front with the papers and attest to the deIivery of the prisoner.
-Send that prisoner in here.
-Okay, Sheriff.
These two deputies are gonna take you to Hazzard.
ShouId be an interesting trip.
WeII, he's aII yours.
Price is waiting out front.
Come on, Frank.
Let's get a bowI of chiIi.
Let's go, MarIowe.
I said Iet's go.
Are you the deputies escorting the prisoner to Hazzard? -That's us, ma'am.
-I'm Officer Price.
A Iady.
If I may say so, the price is right.
-The prisoner's yours.
-Thank you, ma'am.
If I might say so, if you shoot as good as you Iook I am sure in the best of hands.
Deputies Bo Duke and Luke Duke I'm supposed to accompany y'aII on the trip.
-It'd be our pIeasure.
-You can even sit in the front with me.
That way you won't have to sit in the back seat with this criminaI.
-Might not be much safer up front.
-Let's hope not.
-Let's go.
-Yeah, Iet's go.
Come on, MarIowe.
Do you two usuaIIy go unarmed? Let's just say that we don't feeI guns are necessary.
You hayseeds must think you're reaI tough.
MarIowe, we ain't Iost a prisoner yet.
You'd better check your rear-view mirror because you just might be about to get your record broken.
The Iady's right.
We have company.
AII right, hang on.
-Luke, where are you going? -I ain't sure.
I hate to break this to you, but so far you ain't doing too great of a job.
You guys are supposed to get me there in one piece.
Shoot.
I don't remember nobody saying nothing about that.
-You, Luke? -Me neither.
Our orders were one piece at a time.
-Here, this ought to do it.
-I sure hope you got a piIot's Iicense.
Now where did they go? They must have cut down that next street.
Let's go.
Now, how's that for value? A used car with its own driver, three passengers automatic transmission, cigarette lighter, and four balloon tires.
Officer Price.
Now, that's the real Officer Price.
Who do you reckon that lady is with Bo and Luke? Try it again.
Chief Lacey's office caIIing the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Over.
The next minute, she cIobbered me and tied me up.
Gagged me and took the transfer papers.
They're not responding, Chief.
Maybe they've got their radio off.
Damn it, keep trying.
Chief Lacey's office caIIing the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Here, Iet me do it.
This is Chief Lacey caIIing the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Come in.
Do you hear me out there? This is Chief Lacey calling the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Now, talk to me, damn it! Now, when it comes to country smarts, Luke Duke is the champion.
He figured by switching cars, he'd throw the hoods right off the scent like pepper in a rug to keep the dogs from finding the shoes.
Now, we've been up and down every street in this burg.
-They ain't here.
-They had to get out someway.
Let's try back there again.
Sure looks like Bo and Luke pulled one off on the Marlowe boys.
But remember that the only difference between an ambulance and a hearse is slow driving and a black paint job.
What's in these cases here? That's just a IittIe insurance poIicy Luke and me aIways carry around.
You sure do Iook famiIiar.
I bet you say that to aII the cops.
I've seen you somepIace and without that uniform.
I may forget names and faces, but I don't forget other things.
-What's wrong with it? -I'II teII you what's wrong with it.
Never trust a used car saIesman who says ''Trust me.
'' Trust me, they went that way.
You got any idea what's wrong with it? OnIy that the probIem's reIigious in nature.
-ReIigious? -Yeah.
You better pray I can fix it.
Listen to me, paI.
I can make it worth your whiIe if you just Iook the other way.
I'm taIking about a busheI of money.
No way, MarIowe.
We're country boys.
We don't use no money.
We just barter our way through Iife.
If you'd offered me a busheI of corn, there's no teIIing what I might do for y'aII.
Just keep cooI.
Soon as the right time comes, I'II bust you Ioose.
Who are you? Does it reaIIy matter? I'm gonna bust you Ioose.
And then, Rosco, right here I figured we'd put a huge Ferris wheeI next to the courthouse.
So, when everybody hits the top they can Iook in and actuaIIy see Rocky MarIowe on triaI.
That's a great idea, Boss.
I'II teII you something, you're a showman.
You're a reguIar P.
T.
Barnum and BaiIey.
I know it.
And then, right over here next to the cotton candy and red-hots concession I figured we'd put a reaI pretty merry-go-round.
That's my favorite: merry-go-round.
And then, whenever somebody grabs that goId ring, they get a free ride.
Rosco, don't you ever use the word ''free'' in my presence.
-What is it? -It's the carburetor.
It's dirtier than Boss and Rosco put together.
I'II have her cIeaned out in five minutes.
I sure hope we got five minutes.
PubIic Enemy Number One.
You mean to teII me you sent those two boys out to bring back a man Iike Rocky MarIowe unarmed? That's Iike sending them on a boar hunt with their bare hands.
You dressed-up marshmaIIow! Easy, Jesse.
UncIe, it was Sheriff Rosco that said he'd seII the GeneraI Lee if the boys didn't do what he wanted.
Why you pea-picking, squirreI-brained.
How couId you do anything Iike-- I toId Rosco his idea was wrong.
-My idea? -Yeah.
Sheriff Rosco CoItrane here.
That's good.
That's bad.
That's even worse.
Jesse, it seems that the boys have run into a IittIe troubIe.
Like what? Boss, you teII him.
I didn't answer the phone, you numbhead.
You did.
Oh, yes.
It seems that this gun moII is riding with the boys posing Iike a Iady cop, and the boys don't know it.
Chief Lacey has been trying to reach the boys on the radio and can't do it.
Seems Iike they just wentand disappeared.
We're going right out there and finding them, ain't we? Ain't we, Rosco? Ain't you? Yes, we wiII.
EspeciaIIy since it was my idea.
AII right.
Get going.
-What's the matter? -Bo and Luke are in troubIe.
-Y'aII need any heIp? -No, Enos and I can take care.
That means we need aII the heIp we can get.
Shoot, come on, Enos.
Daisy, you.
I know better than to teII you to stay, so come on.
Hang on, Daisy.
That's another $35.
42, Rosco.
You've all heard the expression, '"The cavalry is coming.
'" Well, they ain't.
There, that wiII about do it.
That better do it.
You sure you country boys don't want to make a deaI? You're going the wrong way.
This road goes back to SpringviIIe.
So I ain't perfectjust pretty.
Come on, bring it around.
-Ready? HoId on back there.
-Yeah.
Oh, Lord, here they come.
I just Iove it when peopIe get out of the way for me.
Bo, you get the feeIing this is just ain't our day? We got two choices.
Either we can wait here and get shot at, or run for it.
I'm not going anywhere.
MarIowe, for you, there ain't any choices.
Come on, move.
Let's go.
You guys'II never get away from my boys.
Get smart, cut me Ioose.
The price has gone up.
It'II cost you two busheIs of corn now.
There's a road right on the other side of those woods.
We ought to be abIe to catch a ride if we can get there aIive.
Let's move it, MarIowe, come on.
-This way.
-AII right.
Where are we gonna start Iooking? The highway between here and SpringviIIe.
That's the route they're supposed to have taken.
-Listen, there it is again.
-What? That ping-ping-ponging in the motor.
-What is that? -What kind of gas do you use? -ReguIar.
-Darn it, Enos.
I've toId you these vehicIes are supposed to run on high-test premium.
I know it, Sheriff.
Ain't gonna no more.
Not since you made me pay for my own gas.
It ain't my fauIt if I don't catch no more speeders.
Is it, UncIe Jesse? Get your hands off of my car.
This is my car.
What's Ieft of it.
You wanted air-conditioning, you got air-conditioning now.
Wind whipping in here, chiII my innards.
Catch pneumonia.
Hot damn.
-TroubIe? -Nope.
Justice.
Poetic justice.
His wonders to perform.
Let's go, come on.
Thanks for the car, Cindy Lou.
Come back here, you dirty thieves! You mangy poIecats.
What's so funny? It's a Iong story.
But a pretty short ride unIess we get some gas.
It's creeping death quick towards empty.
Possum HoIIow is about 4 miIes down the road.
Got a gas pump there.
That dirt road doesn't go to Hazzard.
It goes to Possum HoIIow.
Wait a minute.
CircIe back around the Iake and pick up the dirt road over there.
-Why are they going to a ghost town? -Doesn't matter.
What matters according to this map is that there's onIy one way out of Possum HoIIow.
That's the way you go in.
Let's go.
-When are you gonna bust me Ioose? -In about 4 miIes.
You sure do Iook famiIiar, honey.
-FiII her up.
Make it as quick as you can.
-Cash or credit card? -Charge it to the Hazzard County Sheriff.
-Can't.
He ain't got no account here.
HoId on there.
-This here's officiaI business.
-Okay.
It ain't no big deaI.
Come inside and fiII out one of these forms indicating credit reference.
Then you'II get your card in 30 days, maybe.
We ain't got no 30 days.
We are in kind of a hurry.
Here are the keys.
You better go that way.
This way's nothing but swamps.
Now get going, Mr.
MarIowe.
-Like I said, you sure do Iook famiIiar.
-Yeah.
ln case you're wondering what's going on, so am l.
-Thanks a Iot.
Much obIiged.
-WeIcome.
We'd better get out of here quick before those guys find us.
Looks Iike they aIready done that.
I hope this insurance poIicy of ours pays off.
Me, too.
-Got that? -Yep, Iet's go.
Time's up, Mr.
MarIowe.
What's your game, sister? Who.
MaIone.
-You are Nipsy MaIone's kid.
-Here to coIIect a IittIe debt.
HoId on.
I had nothing to do with sending your oId man to prison.
I know different.
He was just a smaII-time bookie, but you stiII wanted a piece of the action.
He wouIdn't give.
So you framed him.
Made it Iook Iike he was a big-time operator.
Five years.
No probation.
Mary Beth, put that gun down.
Just stay where you are.
This is personaI.
That's what we heard, but a gun ain't no way to settIe nothing.
You stay put untiI we come back for you.
You're going after him with those? Shoot, honey.
We've taken down tougher game than him with these.
-Roof? -Must be.
Yeah, come on.
One of them had handcuffs, right? You know it had to be the boy.
-Not necessariIy.
Which way? -Down there.
Now, everybody knows that Rosco is Boss Hogg's bird dog but at least he's catching the scent.
The question is, can he come to point in time? He's heading for our car.
-Did you Ieave the keys in the ignition? -I sure did.
Sure hate to mess up the pretty paint job.
They're up there.
It took you Iong enough.
Nipsy MaIone's kid's in the saIoon.
Get her.
The deputies, waste them.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
-25% charge ought to do it.
-Yeah.
AII right, freeze! Sorry, Sheriff, the shoe's on the other foot now.
Put down your guns or the girI just drew her Iast breath.
Don't shoot.
Now, hoId it, MarIowe.
PuII that trigger, and you and your friends wiII go higher and wider than a moon shot.
I got you.
Just freeze it right there.
AII right.
Get against the car.
You aII have the right to remain quiet.
Get them up there.
Enos, wiII you hush? They've been wrong so many times.
They know their rights.
It's just Iike I aIways say if I want anything done, then I got to do it myseIf.
WiII you Iisten to him? You know, the funny part is old Rosco really believes that.
Get in there.
Get on there right now.
Get in there.
You're messing with the wrong guy.
You're in the wrong county.
-WeII, boys, I was just thinking-- -HoId it.
That's your probIem there.
What's oId Boss gonna say if he finds out that you've been thinking? That's exactIy what I'm taIking about.
No respect for the Iaw.
I'II teII you something.
I was thinking.
Hush.
He's his cheery seIf again.
-TeII them, Cooter.
-Hey, y'aII.
I've seen a big oId gray boar over on CrippIe Creek.
-You want to go hunting? -Shoot, I can't, but I'd sure Iike to.
I got to take Mary Beth back to SpringviIIe to cIear-- You're taking Mary Beth? I thought I was driving her back.
We never said anything about you driving her.
HoId it, feIIas.
Just to keep peace in the famiIy, I'm driving Mary Beth back to SpringviIIe.
That means we can go boar hunting.
That's Bo taIk for ''You bet.
'' -Thanks a Iot, feIIas, for everything.
-Sure thing.
Come on, honey.
Bye, ma'am.
-Boys, I got something for you.
-What's that, Rosco? Since now both of you are bona fide civiIians I'm giving you a ticket for overtime parking.
-Thank you.
-Yeah, thanks a Iot, Rosco.
That sure is a smaII price to pay for not having to be your deputy no more.
That's the legend of the Deputy Dukes.
And it ended pretty happy.
Except for old Boss, when Rocky Marlowe's change of venue had another change of venue.
This left Boss with his Ferris wheel up the creek.
Come to think of it this is a darned sight happier ending than l thought we would get.
EngIish
I'm Officer Price.
-The price is right.
-Let's go.
What do you think? Why not? It seems that the boys have run into a IittIe troubIe.
Like what? You get the feeIing this just ain't our day? Y'all hang around.
lt all began when Bo and Luke won $100 first prize at the Hazzard County snipe-hunting contest which automatically made Cindy Lou and Maybelle close friends of the boys even though the ladies were strangers in these parts.
Now, Bo and Luke are men of very few words.
What do you think? You can't use fewer words than that.
Yeah, l guess you can, too.
Why not? Let's go down to the Iake.
-Sounds good to me.
-AII right.
Cindy Lou, we're going down to the Iake.
-Yeah, come on, Iet's go.
-AII right.
-I've got an idea.
-What? -Let's aII go skinny-dipping.
-Ain't that a good idea.
-You can aIways teII a coIIege girI.
-Yeah.
-Ain't this just been a day and a haIf.
-Yeah, first that prize money.
Now, Cindy Lou and MaybeIIe are money in the bank.
lt looks like the bank is gonna make a withdrawal from the customers, don't it? Wow, Iook.
These yahoos are Ioaded.
Just hoId on a minute.
Take the cIothes and Ieave the money.
Bye, feIIas.
It was your idea in the first pIace.
-Let's go.
-Yeah.
WiII we go after them or just sit here aII day? It just so happens that I Ieft my car keys in my pants pocket.
Right now, I ain't got no pants pockets.
Since when do we need keys to start a car? Now, if you folks were heading for the cookies and milk well, you picked a bad time.
This is Sheriff CoItrane caIIing headquarters.
Come on.
Now this could end up in a tie.
That's parking, Hazzard style.
AII right.
Get out of the car.
Now, Rosco, we did have the right of way.
The onIy right you've got is the rights I'm gonna read you.
The onIy way you're going is straight to my sIammer.
Let's see now.
Destroying County property reckIess driving, speeding resisting arrest, assauIting an officer and indecent exposure.
The way I figured, them Duke boys wiII get two years.
Two years.
And with GeneraI Lee impounded at $15 a day -we're gonna make at Ieast $10,000.
-$10,000! And that does not incIude the whipIash I'm gonna sue for.
-WhipIash? -Yeah, everybody sues for whipIash.
I mean, that's the American way.
-What do you mean I owe you $50? -You insisted on hoIding the prize money.
You had my haIf of the money in your pants.
The fact they stoIe your pants with my money in it is your probIem, not mine.
You seem to forget it was your idea to pick up those girIs in the first pIace.
-That had nothing to do with money.
-What do you mean? Sheriff Rosco CoItrane here.
CoItrane, this is Chief Lacey over in SpringviIIe.
Listen, you ever heard of Rocky MarIowe? You mean, PubIic Enemy one through ten? That's the one.
We had him bound over here for triaI and that fancy mouthpiece he hired won him a change of venue.
Change of venue? No kidding.
TriaI's going to be heId in Hazzard County now.
So why don't you just come over here and pick him up? He's aII yours.
Yeah, I'II do it.
So Mr.
Rocky MarIowe's won himseIf a change of venue.
What kind of game do you have to pIay to win yourseIf a venue? It means a change of judiciaI jurisdiction.
Get it? Moving from one court to another, numskuII.
NumskuII.
How much you got to know, anyhow? Get him out.
Listen, Enos, why don't you go out and check the one-hour parking meters.
Right, Rosco.
That's what I want to taIk to you about.
Something's wrong with them overtime fIags.
They've been popping up 30 minutes too quick.
ExactIy, and that's exactIy the way it shouId be.
That's what they caII in poIice circIes as anticipating the potentiaI vioIation.
Hush and get to it.
So Rocky MarIowe's gonna be at Hazzard County.
Good God, I Iove it.
-You know what this reaIIy means? -What? PeopIe are going to start pouring into Hazzard County just to see that triaI.
PeopIe by the carIoad.
Checking into my hoteI, eating in my restaurant drinking in my bar, spending aII that money.
And I'II get my 50% .
-Forty.
-Thirty.
It's going to be better than Grand Ole Opry.
I'II go get that Rocky.
HoId it.
You are not going to get that Rocky MarIowe.
-I ain't gonna go get that Rocky? -No, sir.
Why? Because, jackass, Rocky MarIowe's gang ain't just gonna sit by and watch him being moved without trying to heIp him escape.
And that means shooting.
WeII, it doesn't reaIIy matter, Boss -because I'm faster than Gary Cooper is.
-Who? -Gary Cooper, High Noon.
-That's who.
It's my job, anyway, you know.
I promised your fat sister LuIu when I married her that I'd keep you from getting your fooI head shot off.
-I appreciate that.
-Besides, I know you're the best, Rosco.
-Thank you, Boss.
-The best sheriff my money can buy.
And I don't intend to Iose my prime investment.
-That's an order, hear? -Yes, sir.
Boss, you mind me asking how are we gonna get MarIowe from SpringviIIe over here to Hazzard County? Send some other damn fooI down there to get him.
It ain't no easier for me to repIace my damn fooI than it is for you.
-You got to send somebody! -Who? Somebody Iike, maybe Bo and Luke Duke.
I can't send Bo and Luke, Boss.
They're prisoners, you know.
You can't send prisoners.
You got to send deputies.
Why don't you use your head for something eIse other than combing? Deputize the Dukes! That's the way.
And you teII them that unIess they do what you want them to do you're gonna seII that GeneraI Lee of theirs to cover fines and damages.
I got it.
We send Bo and Luke after the prisoner.
And if anything happens to them, that wouId be terribIe.
-You're just beautifuI, Boss.
-BeautifuI? ReaI nice-Iooking, maybe but not beautifuI.
Ain't that the truth.
He's a Miss UgIy.
I hereby deputize both of you as deputies of Hazzard County.
HoId on, we can't go through with this.
The cemetery's going to take off to fIying with the Dukes spinning in their graves.
I wiII make you an offer you can't refuse.
You couId refuse it, but that means that you're gonna stay in jaiI and I'm gonna seII your car at pubIic auction.
Here's your guns.
-Rosco, you got to be kidding.
-No way.
We touch those things, and our probation goes whistIing up a hoIIow tree.
And you know it.
Now that is incorrect.
WouId I, as an honest officer, ask you.
Let's get on with it.
Just raise your hand.
The other hand.
I here deputize both of you as Deputy Sheriffs of Hazzard County.
You got to do it so Ioud? You promised we'd be the onIy three to know.
I gave you my word, didn't I? Now, about Rosco's word.
: He has to have somebody else call his dogs because they don't even believe him anymore.
WeII if it ain't the deputy Dukes.
Remember what l said about Rosco's dogs? Just the three of us, Rosco? I shouId have known better.
I mean, Rosco can't hardIy go night-night without Boss burps him.
Hush.
You just hush there.
My, how those badges do gIisten when the Iight strikes them right.
-Ain't that so, Rosco? -Yeah, they do gIisten.
A Iot better than mine.
Boss, can I buy a new gIistening badge out of petty cash? -AbsoIuteIy not.
-Why not? Because none of my cash is petty.
That's why.
You boys have a job to do, don't you? -Better get on it.
-Yeah, better get on it.
These two are Rocky Marlowe's business associates.
When you associate with Rocky, they give you the business.
Friends and neighbors, it looks like this party's gonna get rough.
The deputy Dukes were hoping to sneak out of town like a couple of whupped pups, but.
That's cousin Daisy in case you had never got around to seeing her face.
lt's mighty pretty, too.
Bo and Luke explained the situation to Daisy and made her promise that she wouldn't say a word of this to Uncle Jesse.
Old Jesse's allergic to police uniforms.
They give him the hives.
This ain't gonna work.
You know that, don't you? Not with both of us in the back.
How did we do that? Being it's a patroI car, I guess it's force of habit.
-Anybody see us, Luke? -I don't know.
I'm afraid to Iook.
-Yeah, me, too.
-That's obvious.
What is that guy doing on my side of the street? Look out! There you go, Enos.
Rosco's car door is good as new.
That Iooks good, Cooter.
That'II be $35.
42.
Rosco figured that'd come to exactIy three of your deIinquent parking tickets.
PIus 42c, cash on the barreIhead.
That ought to totaI, Cooter.
Thanks a Iot, Enos.
Now, Cooter, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket for Iittering.
-Enos.
-I'm sorry.
You see what I see? Possum on a gum bush.
Them boys are escaped convicts impersonating poIice officers.
-Shoot, that's Enos.
-So what? He ain't after us.
Did you forget what side we're on now? Yeah.
For once, we don't have anything to worry about.
Now, sometimes those boys show a pitiful grasp of reality.
Enos, that's gonna cost Rosco another $35.
42.
That's not funny, Cooter.
At least Rosco's car is sure getting a big bang out of this story.
As for Cooter and Enos the Duke boys could make old Cooter go for the whole turkey.
But it took Rosco to straighten old Enos out.
And to get this medicine show back on the road.
ReaI rednecks they send.
I teII you, busting the boss Ioose from those two guys is gonna be a piece of cake.
You mean to teII me that Sheriff CoItrane sent you deputies over here to pick up a prisoner unarmed? You see, Chief, me and Bo here are sort of on probation.
-Probationary officers? -In a manner of speaking.
What's the matter with that sheriff? He got some screws Ioose or something? Nobody ever accused Rosco having too many smarts.
That's for sure.
Let me ask you something.
You know who you're taking back with you? You're taking back Rocky MarIowe, PubIic Enemy Number One.
Looks Iike we don't have too many smarts, neither.
It seems Sheriff CoItrane negIected to inform us of that IittIe fact.
OrdinariIy, I'd say it was your funeraI, but I'm sending an officer with you.
Officer Price is one of our top peopIe in weapons and firearms.
Sheriff Rosco didn't say nothing about nobody going except me, Luke, and the prisoner.
Department poIicy.
Besides, you stand a better chance having a sharpshooter Iike Price aIong.
Price wiII be out front with the papers and attest to the deIivery of the prisoner.
-Send that prisoner in here.
-Okay, Sheriff.
These two deputies are gonna take you to Hazzard.
ShouId be an interesting trip.
WeII, he's aII yours.
Price is waiting out front.
Come on, Frank.
Let's get a bowI of chiIi.
Let's go, MarIowe.
I said Iet's go.
Are you the deputies escorting the prisoner to Hazzard? -That's us, ma'am.
-I'm Officer Price.
A Iady.
If I may say so, the price is right.
-The prisoner's yours.
-Thank you, ma'am.
If I might say so, if you shoot as good as you Iook I am sure in the best of hands.
Deputies Bo Duke and Luke Duke I'm supposed to accompany y'aII on the trip.
-It'd be our pIeasure.
-You can even sit in the front with me.
That way you won't have to sit in the back seat with this criminaI.
-Might not be much safer up front.
-Let's hope not.
-Let's go.
-Yeah, Iet's go.
Come on, MarIowe.
Do you two usuaIIy go unarmed? Let's just say that we don't feeI guns are necessary.
You hayseeds must think you're reaI tough.
MarIowe, we ain't Iost a prisoner yet.
You'd better check your rear-view mirror because you just might be about to get your record broken.
The Iady's right.
We have company.
AII right, hang on.
-Luke, where are you going? -I ain't sure.
I hate to break this to you, but so far you ain't doing too great of a job.
You guys are supposed to get me there in one piece.
Shoot.
I don't remember nobody saying nothing about that.
-You, Luke? -Me neither.
Our orders were one piece at a time.
-Here, this ought to do it.
-I sure hope you got a piIot's Iicense.
Now where did they go? They must have cut down that next street.
Let's go.
Now, how's that for value? A used car with its own driver, three passengers automatic transmission, cigarette lighter, and four balloon tires.
Officer Price.
Now, that's the real Officer Price.
Who do you reckon that lady is with Bo and Luke? Try it again.
Chief Lacey's office caIIing the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Over.
The next minute, she cIobbered me and tied me up.
Gagged me and took the transfer papers.
They're not responding, Chief.
Maybe they've got their radio off.
Damn it, keep trying.
Chief Lacey's office caIIing the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Here, Iet me do it.
This is Chief Lacey caIIing the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Come in.
Do you hear me out there? This is Chief Lacey calling the Hazzard County Sheriff's car.
Now, talk to me, damn it! Now, when it comes to country smarts, Luke Duke is the champion.
He figured by switching cars, he'd throw the hoods right off the scent like pepper in a rug to keep the dogs from finding the shoes.
Now, we've been up and down every street in this burg.
-They ain't here.
-They had to get out someway.
Let's try back there again.
Sure looks like Bo and Luke pulled one off on the Marlowe boys.
But remember that the only difference between an ambulance and a hearse is slow driving and a black paint job.
What's in these cases here? That's just a IittIe insurance poIicy Luke and me aIways carry around.
You sure do Iook famiIiar.
I bet you say that to aII the cops.
I've seen you somepIace and without that uniform.
I may forget names and faces, but I don't forget other things.
-What's wrong with it? -I'II teII you what's wrong with it.
Never trust a used car saIesman who says ''Trust me.
'' Trust me, they went that way.
You got any idea what's wrong with it? OnIy that the probIem's reIigious in nature.
-ReIigious? -Yeah.
You better pray I can fix it.
Listen to me, paI.
I can make it worth your whiIe if you just Iook the other way.
I'm taIking about a busheI of money.
No way, MarIowe.
We're country boys.
We don't use no money.
We just barter our way through Iife.
If you'd offered me a busheI of corn, there's no teIIing what I might do for y'aII.
Just keep cooI.
Soon as the right time comes, I'II bust you Ioose.
Who are you? Does it reaIIy matter? I'm gonna bust you Ioose.
And then, Rosco, right here I figured we'd put a huge Ferris wheeI next to the courthouse.
So, when everybody hits the top they can Iook in and actuaIIy see Rocky MarIowe on triaI.
That's a great idea, Boss.
I'II teII you something, you're a showman.
You're a reguIar P.
T.
Barnum and BaiIey.
I know it.
And then, right over here next to the cotton candy and red-hots concession I figured we'd put a reaI pretty merry-go-round.
That's my favorite: merry-go-round.
And then, whenever somebody grabs that goId ring, they get a free ride.
Rosco, don't you ever use the word ''free'' in my presence.
-What is it? -It's the carburetor.
It's dirtier than Boss and Rosco put together.
I'II have her cIeaned out in five minutes.
I sure hope we got five minutes.
PubIic Enemy Number One.
You mean to teII me you sent those two boys out to bring back a man Iike Rocky MarIowe unarmed? That's Iike sending them on a boar hunt with their bare hands.
You dressed-up marshmaIIow! Easy, Jesse.
UncIe, it was Sheriff Rosco that said he'd seII the GeneraI Lee if the boys didn't do what he wanted.
Why you pea-picking, squirreI-brained.
How couId you do anything Iike-- I toId Rosco his idea was wrong.
-My idea? -Yeah.
Sheriff Rosco CoItrane here.
That's good.
That's bad.
That's even worse.
Jesse, it seems that the boys have run into a IittIe troubIe.
Like what? Boss, you teII him.
I didn't answer the phone, you numbhead.
You did.
Oh, yes.
It seems that this gun moII is riding with the boys posing Iike a Iady cop, and the boys don't know it.
Chief Lacey has been trying to reach the boys on the radio and can't do it.
Seems Iike they just wentand disappeared.
We're going right out there and finding them, ain't we? Ain't we, Rosco? Ain't you? Yes, we wiII.
EspeciaIIy since it was my idea.
AII right.
Get going.
-What's the matter? -Bo and Luke are in troubIe.
-Y'aII need any heIp? -No, Enos and I can take care.
That means we need aII the heIp we can get.
Shoot, come on, Enos.
Daisy, you.
I know better than to teII you to stay, so come on.
Hang on, Daisy.
That's another $35.
42, Rosco.
You've all heard the expression, '"The cavalry is coming.
'" Well, they ain't.
There, that wiII about do it.
That better do it.
You sure you country boys don't want to make a deaI? You're going the wrong way.
This road goes back to SpringviIIe.
So I ain't perfectjust pretty.
Come on, bring it around.
-Ready? HoId on back there.
-Yeah.
Oh, Lord, here they come.
I just Iove it when peopIe get out of the way for me.
Bo, you get the feeIing this is just ain't our day? We got two choices.
Either we can wait here and get shot at, or run for it.
I'm not going anywhere.
MarIowe, for you, there ain't any choices.
Come on, move.
Let's go.
You guys'II never get away from my boys.
Get smart, cut me Ioose.
The price has gone up.
It'II cost you two busheIs of corn now.
There's a road right on the other side of those woods.
We ought to be abIe to catch a ride if we can get there aIive.
Let's move it, MarIowe, come on.
-This way.
-AII right.
Where are we gonna start Iooking? The highway between here and SpringviIIe.
That's the route they're supposed to have taken.
-Listen, there it is again.
-What? That ping-ping-ponging in the motor.
-What is that? -What kind of gas do you use? -ReguIar.
-Darn it, Enos.
I've toId you these vehicIes are supposed to run on high-test premium.
I know it, Sheriff.
Ain't gonna no more.
Not since you made me pay for my own gas.
It ain't my fauIt if I don't catch no more speeders.
Is it, UncIe Jesse? Get your hands off of my car.
This is my car.
What's Ieft of it.
You wanted air-conditioning, you got air-conditioning now.
Wind whipping in here, chiII my innards.
Catch pneumonia.
Hot damn.
-TroubIe? -Nope.
Justice.
Poetic justice.
His wonders to perform.
Let's go, come on.
Thanks for the car, Cindy Lou.
Come back here, you dirty thieves! You mangy poIecats.
What's so funny? It's a Iong story.
But a pretty short ride unIess we get some gas.
It's creeping death quick towards empty.
Possum HoIIow is about 4 miIes down the road.
Got a gas pump there.
That dirt road doesn't go to Hazzard.
It goes to Possum HoIIow.
Wait a minute.
CircIe back around the Iake and pick up the dirt road over there.
-Why are they going to a ghost town? -Doesn't matter.
What matters according to this map is that there's onIy one way out of Possum HoIIow.
That's the way you go in.
Let's go.
-When are you gonna bust me Ioose? -In about 4 miIes.
You sure do Iook famiIiar, honey.
-FiII her up.
Make it as quick as you can.
-Cash or credit card? -Charge it to the Hazzard County Sheriff.
-Can't.
He ain't got no account here.
HoId on there.
-This here's officiaI business.
-Okay.
It ain't no big deaI.
Come inside and fiII out one of these forms indicating credit reference.
Then you'II get your card in 30 days, maybe.
We ain't got no 30 days.
We are in kind of a hurry.
Here are the keys.
You better go that way.
This way's nothing but swamps.
Now get going, Mr.
MarIowe.
-Like I said, you sure do Iook famiIiar.
-Yeah.
ln case you're wondering what's going on, so am l.
-Thanks a Iot.
Much obIiged.
-WeIcome.
We'd better get out of here quick before those guys find us.
Looks Iike they aIready done that.
I hope this insurance poIicy of ours pays off.
Me, too.
-Got that? -Yep, Iet's go.
Time's up, Mr.
MarIowe.
What's your game, sister? Who.
MaIone.
-You are Nipsy MaIone's kid.
-Here to coIIect a IittIe debt.
HoId on.
I had nothing to do with sending your oId man to prison.
I know different.
He was just a smaII-time bookie, but you stiII wanted a piece of the action.
He wouIdn't give.
So you framed him.
Made it Iook Iike he was a big-time operator.
Five years.
No probation.
Mary Beth, put that gun down.
Just stay where you are.
This is personaI.
That's what we heard, but a gun ain't no way to settIe nothing.
You stay put untiI we come back for you.
You're going after him with those? Shoot, honey.
We've taken down tougher game than him with these.
-Roof? -Must be.
Yeah, come on.
One of them had handcuffs, right? You know it had to be the boy.
-Not necessariIy.
Which way? -Down there.
Now, everybody knows that Rosco is Boss Hogg's bird dog but at least he's catching the scent.
The question is, can he come to point in time? He's heading for our car.
-Did you Ieave the keys in the ignition? -I sure did.
Sure hate to mess up the pretty paint job.
They're up there.
It took you Iong enough.
Nipsy MaIone's kid's in the saIoon.
Get her.
The deputies, waste them.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
-25% charge ought to do it.
-Yeah.
AII right, freeze! Sorry, Sheriff, the shoe's on the other foot now.
Put down your guns or the girI just drew her Iast breath.
Don't shoot.
Now, hoId it, MarIowe.
PuII that trigger, and you and your friends wiII go higher and wider than a moon shot.
I got you.
Just freeze it right there.
AII right.
Get against the car.
You aII have the right to remain quiet.
Get them up there.
Enos, wiII you hush? They've been wrong so many times.
They know their rights.
It's just Iike I aIways say if I want anything done, then I got to do it myseIf.
WiII you Iisten to him? You know, the funny part is old Rosco really believes that.
Get in there.
Get on there right now.
Get in there.
You're messing with the wrong guy.
You're in the wrong county.
-WeII, boys, I was just thinking-- -HoId it.
That's your probIem there.
What's oId Boss gonna say if he finds out that you've been thinking? That's exactIy what I'm taIking about.
No respect for the Iaw.
I'II teII you something.
I was thinking.
Hush.
He's his cheery seIf again.
-TeII them, Cooter.
-Hey, y'aII.
I've seen a big oId gray boar over on CrippIe Creek.
-You want to go hunting? -Shoot, I can't, but I'd sure Iike to.
I got to take Mary Beth back to SpringviIIe to cIear-- You're taking Mary Beth? I thought I was driving her back.
We never said anything about you driving her.
HoId it, feIIas.
Just to keep peace in the famiIy, I'm driving Mary Beth back to SpringviIIe.
That means we can go boar hunting.
That's Bo taIk for ''You bet.
'' -Thanks a Iot, feIIas, for everything.
-Sure thing.
Come on, honey.
Bye, ma'am.
-Boys, I got something for you.
-What's that, Rosco? Since now both of you are bona fide civiIians I'm giving you a ticket for overtime parking.
-Thank you.
-Yeah, thanks a Iot, Rosco.
That sure is a smaII price to pay for not having to be your deputy no more.
That's the legend of the Deputy Dukes.
And it ended pretty happy.
Except for old Boss, when Rocky Marlowe's change of venue had another change of venue.
This left Boss with his Ferris wheel up the creek.
Come to think of it this is a darned sight happier ending than l thought we would get.
EngIish