The Exes (2011) s01e10 Episode Script

The Ex Always Rings Twice

[Knock at the door.]
Come in.
- Hi, hi.
- Hi.
- Brought over your laptop.
- Thank you.
Hey, I just made a big salad, you want some? Ah, no thanks.
But why are you eating salad, you look so slim! Your hair is really nice and shiny.
Boy, you're funny and pretty.
People like you, Holly.
Oh, my God, what have you heard? Am I getting fired? I wish the news was that good.
You know that annual lawyer's gala you have tomorrow night? Yeah.
- Your ex-fiancé Brad is coming.
What? And he's bringing a date.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
I'm not going.
- Really? - Yeah.
Call me crazy, I just don't feel like seeing a guy who cheated on me and broke my heart.
[Laughs.]
So what? You're just gonna spend the night hiding in your apartment? No, I'm gonna hide in the bar, too.
Okay, Holly, that's one way of reacting, or you could walk in there with your breasts held high, looking smoking hot in a brand-new dress, and make him think, "I lost the best thing I ever had.
" [Mouth full.]
I could do that.
You could, you can, [Whispering.]
You will.
Yeah.
I'm gonna walk in there looking' so confident and sexy, it's gonna kill him! Especially when he sees a hot guy on your arm.
Mmm.
We're gonna need a bigger tub.
[Upbeat rock music.]
Bee-duh, bee-duh bee-duh, bee-duh buh-duh-duh dip - Hey guys, check this out.
- Mmm.
- Oh.
- [Laughs.]
She's bad, right? [Laughs.]
Mmm.
Her name's Michelle.
Yeah.
It took me about two months, but I finally convinced her to go out with me tomorrow night.
Uh, wait a minute.
Wasn't she just here last week? Yes.
Not her, not her, not her.
That's her.
[Laughs.]
Ohh.
- Yeah! [Laughs.]
- Oh! So, uh, why did it take her so long to agree to go out with you? Somehow she got the crazy idea that I'm a player.
[Scoffs.]
You guys, I have a favor to ask of you, it's really important.
I saw this one coming.
I will donate the seed, but I'm not paying for college.
Good to know.
Look, there's a work thing I have to go to, and Brad's gonna be there.
- Uh - So I need one of you guys to be my date so he'll look at me, and think, "I just lost the best thing I ever had.
" I'd go with Phil.
Yeah, he's who I'd use.
I mean, I mean this in the straightest way possible, he's a jaw-dropper.
I'm telling you.
All right, all right, all right, but I'm warning you, what you got here is some major firepower.
Use these guns with caution.
Oh, thank you.
[Laughs.]
All right, I'll give you all the details about tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night? Yeah.
Oh.
What's with the "oh?" Oh, it's nothing', I just have a date with a girl I've been trying to hook up with for like two months.
- Huh.
- And, uh, that's her.
- Yeah.
- Name's Michelle.
[Laughs.]
She'll probably never go out with me again, but, uh, it's cool, I'll just call her and tell her I'm gonna cancel.
You're not gonna stop me? All right, you're off the hook.
Don't worry, tomorrow night on your arm you will have Sir Haskell Boothroyd Lutz III.
Financier, philanthropist, and former ambassador to Tunisia.
I was thinking of using a limp to reflect my war years.
- That is so sweet, Haskell.
- [Laughs.]
Stuart.
Holly, it would be an honor to escort you.
- Oh, thank you.
- [Chuckles.]
Now, I might not have Phil's firepower or Haskell's war record, but ahem I do have a certain charm, and I'm no stranger to the dance floor, whether it's the tango, the meringue, or the forbidden dance, the lambada.
Tomorrow night, it's really forbidden.
Holly Franklin, plus date.
Dr.
Stuart gardener, D.
D.
S.
Relax, you guys, Brad's not here yet.
Oh, thank God, I've been sucking' it in since the elevator.
Holly, you look amazing.
That dress just says, "I got it, you want it, but you're never gonna get it.
" [Laughs.]
That is exactly what I was going for.
I hope when he sees me he'll have a seizure and swallow his tongue.
- M'lady.
- Yeah.
Stuart, what's with the smile? Hmm? Oh, uh, [Clears throat.]
I like to show off the dental work.
It's like a billboard for my practice.
Yeah, well, right now it's a billboard saying, "I'm Holly's creepy date.
" So stop it.
Go get me some champagne, would you? Hi.
Stuart.
[Laughing.]
Hey, Jeff, how are you man? Hey.
- What are you doing' here? - My wife's a lawyer, remember? - Right.
- Hey, your old neighbors miss you, buddy, you should come by the 'hood.
Ahh, well, maybe I will, I heard cottage Lane finally got that yield sign that I lobbied for.
Yeah, I think of you whenever I slow up.
Ahh.
[Laughter.]
- So what are you doing' here? - Oh, I'm on a date.
Good for you.
I'm glad to see you're moving' on with your life, too.
- Too? - Well, you know, with your ex-wife Lorna getting' engaged, and all.
Oh, man! You didn't know.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no, [Laughs.]
No worries.
[Laughs.]
Like you said, I'm moving' on, you know, it's all good.
Way to hang in there, buddy.
[Chuckles.]
Well, you know me.
[Laughter.]
Yeah.
Stuart! Where have you been? Brad's gonna be here any minute.
Who's Brad? Just kidding! I know who Brad is.
[Laughs.]
The fornicator.
[Laughs.]
Stuart, have you been drinking? Nope, I still am.
This is crazy, you barely drink.
What the hell happened? [Sighs.]
I just found out Lorna got engaged.
[Gasps.]
- Holly? - Yeah? I just want to let you know, it's working.
Everyone's buzzing about you and your adorable date.
Hey, tinker bell.
Whoa, dude.
What happened to him? He just found out his ex-wife's engaged.
He's trashed, and so's my plan.
No, you can't give up yet.
What am supposed to do? Tell Brad he lost the best thing he ever had as Stuart pees on his leg? Hang on.
Ah, locked and loaded.
Okay, new plan.
You stall Brad, I'm gonna call around for a replacement.
[Humming.]
[Phone rings.]
[On answering machine.]
Haskell, it's me.
Pick up the phone.
It's saturday night, I know you're sitting in front of the computer with a sandwich and a beer.
Put the sandwich down.
I need help, Stuart's drunk.
I need a date, get down here now.
Now! Any luck with Phil or Haskell? No, neither one is answering their phone.
Look, I can't let Brad see me alone, I'm getting outta here.
Too late.
Brad's here.
He just got in line to check in, with his date.
What does she look like, is she hot? - Well, I think I finally understand bi-curious.
Oh, my God.
Okay, look, Eden, you've gotta go back there and stall Brad.
Do not let him in.
For how long? I don't know.
Maybe Phil will get here.
Yeah, or Haskell.
Maybe Phil will get here.
Hey, Eden.
It's been a long time.
I'm sorry, and you are? It's me, Brad.
Brad Brad Lewis I was engaged to Holly, your boss.
Oh, that Brad.
Right.
[Laughs.]
Sorry, it's hard to keep track of all the brads in her life.
Oh.
Well, it was nice to see you, honey.
- Mmm.
A bup-bup-bup! Where are you going? I have to check you in.
[Laughs.]
Oh, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis.
Awkward.
You're not on the list.
Are you playing with me? Sorry, but the list is the list, and you ain't on it.
All right, seriously, Eden, I think we're gonna go in now.
Oh, but I think you're not.
What are you gonna do? Are you gonna call security? Listen, Brad, I am security, so either back off or bring it.
You know what? Screw the list.
Have fun.
[Humming.]
Oh, swag.
What delightful goodies have we here? [Chuckles.]
Crap.
Uh, crap.
[Muttering.]
Bluetooth headset.
Me likey.
[Hums.]
- Hey, beautiful.
- Oh, my God, you got my message, you came! [Laughs.]
That's right.
You called in the thunder for backup, and the thunder's gonna rain down on this house! - Just smile and look pretty.
- Okay.
Okay? [Gasps.]
Oh, my God, there he is.
- Oh, let's do this! - No, no, no! No.
He has to come to us, okay? In the meantime, just gaze at me adoringly.
Holly? Brad? Oh, my God, that's so weird.
I had no idea you were gonna be here.
Oh, it's great to see you.
Huh.
Um, I think I could use a refill.
Would you mind? This is my date, Phil.
- Oh, I'm her boyfriend, Phil.
- Oh.
[Laughter.]
[Snuggly sounds.]
So, uh, how do you two know each other? I'm Brad, her ex-fiancé.
You had a fiancé? It was a long time ago, sweetie.
Come on, you never mentioned me? It never came up.
Wow, uh, Holly, I must confess Yes? Yes? I guess I'm a lot easier to replace than I thought.
Damn right, Brad.
Phil? Who the hell is this? His date, who the hell are you? His date.
Now I know why you told me to wait in the lobby.
I knew you were a player.
Hell, wait, Michelle.
No, don't walk away! Oh, she's walking' away! My date! You brought a date to our date? Oh, my God, thanks a lot.
Thanks to you, I could not look like a bigger loser.
[Slurring.]
You must be Brad.
Hi, I'm Stuart.
I'm I'm Stuart, I'm Holly's date.
Oh, there she is.
Come here, you.
Oh.
Oh, ew! So you're with this guy, too? Well, at least he didn't bring a date.
Uh, no, I'm not with this guy.
This clown's been hitting on me all night.
Beat it! Darling! I'm sorry I'm late.
I had to make a few moves to stabilize the european market.
It's the burden I bear for holding so much of the world's gold.
[Laughs.]
- Sir! - [Stutters.]
Several of our guests have seen you pilfering the give-out bags.
I resent the implication.
I'm gonna have to take a look.
Hey, get your paws off me! Uh, how did those get in there? Honey, honey, open your purse! Open your purse! - Come on, come on.
- Your purse! Honey, the purse! Open your purse! [Struggles.]
Okay.
I don't have a date.
I just wanted you to see me here with someone and think that you lost the best thing you ever had.
You know what? You did.
You're right, I did.
Huh? Holly, the only reason I came here tonight was to see you.
Oh, that's why you brought a date? [Laughing.]
No.
No, Julie? Julie's me niece.
She's a lawyer.
I brought her here as a favor.
So, um, why did you want to see me? To apologize.
Holly, what I did to you is unforgivable.
I told myself it was a moment of weakness, nerves before a wedding, but bottom line, losing you was the dumbest thing I ever did.
And there hasn't been a day since that I haven't thought about it, and regretted it.
I miss you, Holly.
And I know this is a crazy thing to ask, and I don't have the right to ask it, but is there any way we can get out of here and go somewhere so we can talk? Let's go.
Eden! Eden, Eden.
Have you seen Holly? [Scoffs.]
She left with Brad.
- What? - Why would she do that? Knowing Brad, he probably turned on the charm, and she melted.
Holly is one of the shrewdest people I know, but when it comes to Brad, she's always had a blind spot.
- We better go find her.
- Hmm.
Stuart! Oh, I'm so glad you're still here.
Look, I got it all mixed up.
My wife said that our neighborhood, Laura, got engaged, not Lorna.
[Brain glitch sound.]
Ah.
What? Yeah, I just thought I'd let you know.
I gotta say, a lot of guys would have just wigged out at their ex getting engaged, but [Laughs.]
Not you, man.
You are Mr.
cool.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill [Overlapping shouts.]
Go ahead, kill him! Kill him! [Sighs.]
So, um, would you oh.
[Kissing.]
Wow.
That was nice.
Yeah.
You know, of all the scenarios of how tonight was gonna end, that was not one of them.
No, I didn't see that coming either, but, uh, I know where I'd like to see it going.
Ahh, was that as cheesy as it sounded? Yeah.
But it's working.
[Kissing.]
Holly, I know this sounds crazy, but What if we picked up where we left off? [Laughs.]
Come on, that's a little fast.
No, I know, but these last eight months have been torture.
I just don't want to spend another day apart.
Again, cheesy? Again, working.
[Kissing.]
[Pounding at the door.]
Oh, crap.
Just stay right there.
Oh.
Hi, guys.
I don't mean to be rude, but I'm a little busy.
We just, uh, dropped by to say hello.
- Ah.
- Hello.
Aren't you gonna invite us in? Unless you're too busy, making the biggest mistake of your life.
All right, now, shoo.
Shoo.
I can handle myself.
Mwah! Love you, bye.
Sorry.
[Laughs.]
So your dates make house calls now? Oh, all right, they're neighbors.
But they're friends, you know.
They live across the hall.
They were just doing' me a favor.
No, no, I get it, I get it.
Breakups are tough, you know.
Some women get cats, you got those guys.
- Well - Mmm.
Holly, you know what I think one of our problems was? - What? - We were so absorbed with our careers that we were apart more than we were together.
I totally agree with that.
And [Stutters.]
I have a great idea.
What if we were to work together? Then we'd see each other every day.
You want me to work at your law firm? Well, uh, no, no.
I'm no longer with them.
- Oh.
- Anymore.
Uh, for the past few months I've been flying solo.
- You know what? - I think our firm is looking to add a litigator.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I did not hear that.
- Ah.
You know, this just feels so great, doesn't it, Holly? Hey, and maybe in a couple of months maybe in a couple of months we can move in together.
You want me to move into your apartment? Well, I'm actually between places right now.
I'm, uh, kinda chilling' at my parents' place in Jersey.
But I was thinking, maybe we can move into our apartment across the hall.
Okay, well, see, since I bought it, technically it's my apartment, not ours.
Heh! And I can't exactly kick those guys out, I mean Well, I mean, hey, you know, we'll give them plenty of notice.
But this is gonna be great! Living together, working together, - just like we planned.
- Yeah.
God, it sounds wonderful.
Living together in my apartment, working together at my law firm, and all I have to do is kick out my friends.
Oh.
Okay, Holly, let's put the genie back in the bottle.
What the hell was I thinking? You didn't go to that thing tonight to see me.
You went to get a job.
And you're not "flying solo," you're unemployed.
And freeloading off your parents.
Hey, hey! It's not like I don't do chores.
You don't care about me.
You've never cared about me.
All you care about is yourself.
Holly, it pains me to know that the trust we once had Shut up.
The only one getting kicked out of an apartment tonight is you.
And let me tell you something about those g about these guys.
They're my friends.
Maybe my best friends.
And knowing that they are always there for me is what helped me get through the Eight months since we've been broken up.
Just please leave.
- Holly.
- Hey.
Look, the lady said, "leave.
" Give me that swag bag.
How could I have been so blind as to think I was gonna marry that guy? Ugh! Face it, you've changed.
You got better taste in men.
Yeah, I do.
- Yeah, you do.
- Thanks, you guys.
- Ah.
- Come here.

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