The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia (2020) s01e10 Episode Script

1
Hey, Ash, how's prep goin'
for your presentation at JPL tomorrow?
You've been working so hard,
I feel like I've hardly seen you.
I'm almost ready.
All I need to do is come up with
a closing joke. Stick's helping me.
-King me.
-That's not how you play!
Check the scoreboard.
If this is Stick helping you,
I'd hate to see him goofin' off.
So, how's a joke
gonna help you get your robot
on the space station?
My supervisor, Dr. Ling,
almost never smiles.
If I can get a laugh out of her,
studies have shown
she's more likely to pick my project.
Oh, actually,
Dr. Ling will be here any minute.
She joined
my mid-season fantasy football league.
Draft is tonight.
What? My boss can't see me sitting
in a coffeehouse
the night before my presentation.
Well, Dr. Garcia.
Sitting in a coffeehouse
the night before your presentation.
Must be feeling pretty cocky.
I'm just doing some last-minute tweaking.
It's actually really quiet here.
-Yes!
-You pushed me!
-I won! I'm the best!
-Unfair!
[Ashley sighs]
[sighs, chuckling]
It was quiet a minute ago.
Well, Dr. Ling, enough with this nonsense.
Let's go play pretend
with make-believe football teams.
[block clatters]
I just beat Stick again. [chuckles]
My ego doesn't need to win
some stupid game.
I just came up with the perfect joke
for Ashley.
[whispers, chuckles softly]
[laughing] "…is eating
the dehydrated beef stroganoff."
That's funny.
[exhales] Oh, thank God. I mean… I know.
Eric, first pick is yours.
Christian McCaffrey! Whoo!
[chuckles]
Good pick, man. Very Eric of you.
Next up, yours truly.
My first pick is…
Patrick Mahomes.
No!
Whoa! Dr. Ling, comin' in hot.
I'll give you my first two picks
if you give me Mahomes.
Well, Lois, since you're new here…
no.
Hey. You know my Instagram fashion line?
No.
Exactly,
because none of my T-shirts are selling.
Why not? You have the followers.
You have the style.
Because the thing
people want now are funny T-shirts,
and I think visually. I
Thanks.
I mean, sure,
I can compose a nice frame
or color-block an outfit,
but words just aren't my… my…
-my--
-Your thing?
Yeah.
Stick, I really need your help
with this stuff.
Mm, I get it.
You want me to model your shirts.
I get this a lot.
It's because I have the body
and skin tone of a storefront mannequin.
Last week, he wore overalls to a Gap Kids.
Couldn't find him for two hours.
One of the employees tried to change me.
Seriously,
I need you to help me come up with
a clever idea or two.
[clicks tongue] I got you, girl.
I mean, sure.
Thank you. [chuckles]
-My presentation is ready.
-That's great,
'cause I've been dying
to take you out on a date,
but you've been so busy.
I miss you.
Aw, Tad. I miss you too.
After tomorrow, we can go on
as many dates as you want, anywhere.
Dave & Buster's ten times?
I meant, read books…
about romances in outer space.
Ooh.
[theme music playing]
And once Ichabod is doing
all the external repairs
on the ISS,
the most dangerous task
the astronauts will face…
is eating the dehydrated beef stroganoff.
[chuckles]
[committee chuckles]
Ha-ha!
-Thank you.
-[Ling] Thank you.
That was quite thorough.
Chockablock with good ideas.
-We'll let you know.
-[committee whispering]
Later.
[chuckles softly] Right.
Brooke.
I came up with a T-shirt design for you.
[clicks tongue] Huh?
"Holier then Tao."
You know, like "holier-than-thou,"
only "holier then Tao."
-Oh.
-[chuckles]
I don't get it.
You don't have to get it. Brooke gets it.
-You get it?
-Yeah.
I mean, kind of.
Here, I can fix it.
-It doesn't need to be fixed.
-[Tad] Hang on.
[chuckles]
You're gonna love this.
There, I fixed it.
-You didn't fix anything.
-[Brooke laughs] "Dignity Cheese."
[giggles] Oh, my God, that's hilarious.
I mean, it's kinda funny.
It's just random words.
Dude, everything we say
is just random words.
What does it mean?
What do you mean, what does it mean?
It means…
[in deep voice] …"Dignity Cheese."
So, Brooke,
looks like you have a decision to make.
Whose T-shirt are you going to sell?
Mine, which makes sense, or--
The funny one.
Um…
I'm going to go with… uh…
both of them.
They're both… quality.
Fine. We'll let the market decide.
Trader Joe's?
[sniffles]
[sighs]
[Victor] Uh-uh-uh!
You can't have
a piece of Ashley's celebration cake
before she gets to celebrate.
Weird rule, but okay.
-[door opens]
-[Ashley] I'm home!
So, how'd it go today?
The good news is
the presentation went fantastic.
Stick's beef stroganoff joke killed.
Even Ling laughed. She went, "Ha!"
Which is huge!
[sighs]
The bad news is…
I'm gonna miss Ichabod
when he goes to the space station.
So, it's official?
Well, not 100 percent.
Official enough
to bring out the celebration cake?
Oh, it's cake official.
Nice.
I don't even really care about the cake,
but I'll go get it.
Ash, all your hard work paid off.
You crush it every time.
I don't know about that…
-but it's true. [chuckles]
-[cell phone ringing]
It's JPL. This is it.
-[sighs happily]
-[phone clicks]
Hello?
Yeah.
Ah.
[chuckles] No, I-I understand.
Thanks for considering my project.
No, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow.
Congratulations!
How could such a good quarterback have
such a fundamental misunderstanding
of basic hand gestures?
They didn't pick my project.
-Oh, Ash, I'm so sorry.
-Oh, no.
[quietly] Why didn't you say something?
Ash.
I'm… I'm so sorry.
It's okay. I just need to…
[door closes]
What do we do?
She needs her tío right now. I'm goin' in.
[Ashley] Don't come in! I need some space!
Are these walls that thin,
or does she have ears like a bat?
[Ashley] Both!
Tío Victor, Tad keeps texting me.
What should I do?
I don't want him to see me like this.
Understandable.
Uh… what is it that you're wearing,
exactly?
It's a Roblanket.
You know, a robe blanket.
[smacks lips]
Roblanket, Roblanket ♪
[in deep voice]
A hug that you can wear ♪
[in normal voice] Roblanket, Roblanket ♪
[in deep voice]
Made from recycled shoes ♪
[cell phone chimes]
Tad's texting again.
He's worried. He wants to see you.
No. I'm not ready
for him to see me ugly cry.
You're not ugly crying.
I'm hanging by a thread.
If I see one bus ad for This Is Us,
game over.
It's never nice to ignore texts.
[cell phone chimes]
[sighs] One more text,
and I'm gonna block you.
[chuckles] There are no absolutes in life.
I can't see Tad now.
He thinks I'm this perfect genius,
but I turned out to be a big failure.
No. No, don't-- don't say that.
Just remember these wise words:
"Tough times don't last, tough people do."
Thanks. Didn't help.
Remember this too:
"Everything you want is
on the other side of fear."
"If it's easy, you're doing it wrong."
Did you read
one of those Chicken Soup books
you keep in the bathroom?
No, I'm quoting Vin Kubelka,
my high school coach.
I respected that man,
not just because
he could single-handedly tip over
a Honda Civic.
I appreciate
what you're trying to do here,
but nobody can help me through this.
Got it.
But remember,
even when you think nobody can help--
Stop!
That was such a good one.
[typing]
[sighs]
[softly] Okay.
[Ashley sighs]
Yup. Totally great.
Whoa. Look at all these people.
I was wrong. Coffee's really catchin' on.
No, they're here for your shirts.
We need more designs. Get to work.
You've got it, shirt boss.
Brooke, this is amazing.
The T-shirts are a hit.
-How many have you sold?
-A lot.
How many of those "a lot" were mine?
Technically, one.
What do you mean, "technically"?
Well, it turns out…
I accidentally handed a guy
the wrong shirt,
and when he realized
that it wasn't Dignity Cheese,
he came back to exchange it.
So, technically, we sold one,
but actually, we sold zero.
That story was way worse
than just selling zero.
You're telling me all these people
are here to buy Tad's nonsensical T-shirt?
Crazy, right?
It's like I'm good at everything I try.
Betcha I can juggle.
[glass shatters]
Nope.
You're right. I'm not funny.
Of course you're funny.
That's why I asked you to help
in the first place.
If I'm so funny, name something
I did recently that made you laugh.
Um… [chuckles]
Um… so many things.
This is hard, under pressure.
That's it. I've lost it.
My joke for Ashley was my last.
I'm comedy dead.
Bury my unfunny corpse,
but please put a bell in my coffin,
in case I'm still alive.
[laughing] Oh, my God.
Finally. I'm glad my misery's amusing you.
It's not even my misery.
What do you think of
my new T-shirt design?
Pretty cool, huh?
-"Duck money."
-[laughing]
Yeah.
It doesn't even make sense.
If anything, it should be "duck bills."
Get it. "Duck bills"?
[chuckles]
Is this real life?
I guess it's official.
I'm no longer the funny guy.
-[Brooke] Stick, wait!
-Let him go.
This is his journey.
Do not reorder the bubblegum lattes.
A, they're disgusting; B,
I think I'm addicted.
-Garcia.
-[Victor yelps]
You haven't been answering my texts.
Oh, sorry.
Us young folk don't text anymore.
We just Vine or Myspace.
I want Mahomes.
I'll trade my three best players.
Sorry, Ling, not interested.
I'll give you anything you want.
Come on, Garcia, get creative.
How many times do I have to…
Anything I want, huh?
Anything.
So, what happened with Ashley's project?
-What's that got to do with--
-She's a brilliant engineer.
I shouldn't have to explain this,
but over 100 projects were submitted
for this mission.
Ashley's project was chockablock
with good ideas,
but six others were chosen.
Why are you asking?
Well, what if…
Ashley's project were chosen?
But it wasn't.
I know.
I'm just saying, what if it were?
Then, maybe Mahomes is suddenly…
-[taps table]
-…on the table.
[chuckles]
You see what I'm sayin'?
[both chuckle]
Clear as day.
You are attempting to bribe JPL
on behalf of your niece.
What? But you said--
I'll have to bring this up
with administration.
This could have serious repercussions
for Ashley's future at JPL.
In a good way?
What do you think?
Why-- why don't we forget
this ever happened?
Huh? Think of all the good times
you and I've had. Huh?
Fantasy football?
Now?
Please, don't take this out on Ashley.
I'll give you Mahomes.
You don't have to give me players
if you accept my apology
and forget I said any of this.
Fine.
But I'm taking Mahomes…
and your team name.
Why would you do that?
So, when the Garcia Gators win
the championship,
you won't be a part of it.
[scoffs]
Who hurt you?
[door opens]
Hey, Ash.
You seem… better.
I thought about what you said.
I realized I've always gotten straight As
until now.
So, I'm gonna do something
I've never had to do before.
I'm gonna talk to my teacher
about my grade.
I mean, my boss about Ichabod.
No.
What you need to do is shut up
about Ichabod.
-What?
-That's what you should do.
You failed. Let it go. Move on.
But I can't think of a single reason
why Ichabod should've been rejected.
-That can only mean--
-Ash,
I'm sure your presentation was chockablock
with good ideas,
-but JPL's a competitive place.
-Did-- did you say "chockablock"?
Did I?
That's a Ling word.
Yeah.
That is a Ling word,
which is exactly where I heard it.
She's always using
old-timey words like that
in our fantasy group texts.
Um, "chockablock," "tommyrot,"
"fiddle-faddle."
What's your point?
Well, my point is,
coming in seventh isn't so bad.
Coming in seventh?
Tío, how'd you know
they only selected six projects?
Well, you know,
good things come in sixes.
Six-packs.
The Six Commandments.
I knew it.
You talked to Dr. Ling about my project,
didn't you?
I-I wasn't going to.
You were sad, and I felt so helpless.
Ling wanted my quarterback.
I said, "You want Mahomes?
How about putting Ichabod
on the next mission?"
You tried to extort her?
No, of course not.
I tried to bribe her.
I looked it up.
[chuckling] Bribery is much less bad.
Oh, tío Victor,
I can't believe you did this!
Ash, I'm sorry.
-I was trying to help.
-Help?
You made me look like a little kid!
How is anyone
supposed to take me seriously now?
Wait, there's still a way out of this.
Throw me under the bus.
Tell them the bribe was my idea.
It was your idea!
You see, that's perfect, just like that.
No, tío Victor,
I'm not gonna throw you under the bus.
I'm just gonna go into JPL, do my job,
and never mention my project ever again.
-So, we're good?
-No!
Dr. Garcia,
I need to talk to you about
something inappropriate that has come up.
My uncle has impulse-control issues.
He was a football player.
He's not right in the head.
What?
It was his idea
to bribe you into picking my project,
but he did it for a good reason.
When Ichabod wasn't picked,
I was devastated--
Stop.
I'm just telling you
what I'm going through.
Do you have to?
Ugh! This modern workplace.
Everyone has feelings…
and birthdays. Yuck.
I'm sorry I have feelings,
but r-rejection is new for me.
Feelings are fine,
but can't you get 'em out at home
or on the paintball field?
I get it, you're a genius.
Big whoop.
So is Dr. Maywood,
and it took her 25 years
before she got a project chosen.
Suck it up,
and put on your big-girl lab coat,
Dr. Garcia.
Wait…
if you didn't come here
to discuss what my uncle did,
what inappropriate behavior
did you want to talk about?
Stop bringing tuna fish to work.
It stinks up the lab.
Remember to follow "BrookeZBishop7"
on Instagram.
-Tell your friends.
-[Tad clears throat]
And also follow "Tad2TheBone."
That's the number two.
House of Brooke is on fire.
Stick, up top.
Ugh. I keep doing that.
[cell phone chimes]
Wow. Crazy, what's going on with Ashley
at work.
Yeah, amazing how she bounced back.
Bounced back?
Oh. I guess she didn't tell you.
Tell me what?
Oh, nothing.
Wait, she's tellin' you something
she's not tellin' me?
Ashley told me
because I'm her best friend,
but she doesn't want you
to see her this upset.
It's like when you start dating someone,
and you get sick.
You don't want them to come over
and see you all…
ugh.
Well, if Ashley's heart is all…
"ugh"…
then I wanna make her heart feel all…
"aw."
You know, Tad,
you really have a way with words.
Thanks.
I'm going over to Ashley's,
and I know what I'm gonna say to her:
words.
Tad, that's sweet,
but you need to respect her bou--
Wow, he's fast.
Excuse me, do you have
any large left of Dignity Cheese?
Sorry, no, but we do have this in a large.
Well, that's not funny.
The shirt's one dollar.
Free. I'll pay you a dollar.
Use it as a rag, I don't really care.
Just take it, please!
[sighs]
[grunts] Stick!
Oh. It's just you. [exhales]
Stick, hey.
-What do you got there?
-This?
This is my new identity.
You see, since Tad has dethroned me
as the funny guy,
I have decided to become something else,
something… more.
Stick, it sounds like you're doing
a supervillain speech.
I've decided to become…
the lizard guy.
Meet my leopard gecko,
Rango.
I said, my leopard gecko, Rango.
He's gone. Nobody move!
We got a stray reptile on the loose!
[laughs]
-See? You are the funny guy.
-[Stick] Yeah, but…
I wanted to help you with your T-shirts.
But you did help me.
You were supportive, and…
even though I may not remember
every specific funny thing you do or say,
I do remember how you make me feel: happy.
Thanks, Brooke.
You make me happy too.
Although, I wish I would have sold
at least one shirt.
Yeah.
Hey, I changed my mind.
I'll take that T-shirt
you were gonna pay me to take.
What?
[scoffs] I never said that.
[customer] Please? I need that shirt.
My dog just threw up in my car.
And do you want
to make her feel better with laughter?
Here. Here's our funniest shirt.
Go, go. Go.
[video game sound effects playing on TV]
Hey, Ash.
Oh, no. What happened today?
You know how I said
I'd never mention Ichabod at work again?
-Yeah.
-Well, I brought him up immediately…
to Ling.
[sighs] Ooh. You brought up Ichabod?
And you still have your ID badge.
Excellent!
[sighs] Not excellent.
She thinks I'm a big failure.
She called you that?
Basically.
She said I'd be failing for 20 years
before I got a project off the ground.
That's how long it took Maywood.
So, this Maywood, she's a failure?
No. Dr. Maywood is widely regarded
as the smartest person at JPL.
So, Ling compared you
to one of the smartest people at JPL?
You had to be there.
She told me to put on
my big-girl lab coat.
It was humiliating.
I'm no genius, but it sounds to me
like Ling was just treating you
like every other really talented scientist
at JPL.
But I worked hard,
and my project was turned down.
-I objectively failed.
-Ash,
failure is just part of the journey
to success.
Ashley?
You okay?
"Failure is just part of the journey
to success."
Yes.
It sounds right, but why is it so hard
for me to believe that?
Don't resist.
"Failure is just part of the journey
to success."
Huh. Was that Coach Kubelka?
No, that was Victor Garcia.
Wow.
I've never considered failure
to be anything but unacceptable.
Ever since I was young
and I realized…
I'm one of the few women…
[voice breaking]
…and even fewer Latinas, in STEM.
[crying] I felt all this pressure…
to be perfect.
So, if I fail…
-I fail all those other people too.
-[Victor sighs]
-[sniffles]
-[Victor] Hey…
I get that.
As one of only a couple dozen
Mexican Americans in the NFL,
I felt that way.
But the important thing is to show people
that rebounding from failure…
is more important
than never failing in the first place.
You're right.
Thanks for the talk, tío.
I feel better.
Cake-eating better?
Oh, yeah.
[kisses]
She's back.
Ash, I'm here for you.
I know you're going through a tough time.
You can tell me anything.
I'm okay now.
You can't hide it from me.
I can tell when you're upset.
-No, really, I'm okay.
-Oh, God, you're devastated.
I know your heart is feeling all…
"ugh."
but I wanna make it feel all…
"aw."
Ash, I'm here for you.
Aw!
I wrote you a poem.
"When you're sad,
I'm your Tad.
And when you're glad,
I'm your Tad.
When you're mad,
I'm your Tad.
-[door opens]
-And when--"
It's cake time.
And when it's cake time,
I'm definitely your Tad.
I'm glad.
Okay, that's enough.
[theme music playing]