The Flintstones (1960) s01e10 Episode Script

Looks like everybody in Hollyrock has come to see the telecast.
Lucky for us we're friends of the stars.
Look, Betty.
There's Fred and the producer.
You can run along now, J.
B.
I'll take over from here.
After all, I'm the star.
Be sure and have that spotlight on me all the time.
Here's some music I wrote last night.
Use it to bridge into the second act.
If you forget a line don't worry, I will cover for you.
I gotta stop him.
If the show goes over I'll be saddled with him for the whole season.
And I can't take that.
Come to the window, Wilma.
Hi, Betty.
What's up? They're going to announce the winners on that slogan contest we entered.
- Hurry over.
- Warm up the set, I'll be right there.
Gee, Wilma.
- Do you think we stand a chance? - I don't know why not.
We figured out some pretty good slogans together.
I think the first one "Mother McGuire's meatballs don't bounce" is a natural.
And I like the other one, too.
"If you eat a Mother McGuire meatball, you'll never eat another.
" If either one of them win, we split the prize between us, right? Right.
Keep your fingers crossed, Wilma.
And turn the set on.
Here's hoping, partner.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
Mother McGuire's meatballs are on the air.
We are the meatballs from Mother McGuire Of our flavor you'll never tire When you buy us you show good sense We're made of the finest ingredients - Love those animated commercials.
- They're so cute.
And now, friends, the announcement you've all been waiting for.
The winner of the Mother McGuire meatball slogan contest is Mrs.
Betty Rubble and Mrs.
Fred Flintstone of Bedrock.
We won! Congratulations, girls, for the winning slogan.
: "Mother McGuire's meatballs don't bounce.
" And, ladies and gentlemen they don't.
For submitting the winning slogan Mrs.
Rubble and Mrs.
Flintstone win a trip for two to that glamorous city of movie and TVstars.
: Hollyrock.
Wilma, can you imagine? Hollyrock.
- We'll need new clothes.
- And sunglasses.
- We'll see all the movie stars.
- We'll really live it up.
- We'll have the grandest time.
- And how.
- What's the matter, Wilma? - Our husbands.
- What about them? - They'd never let us go without them.
That's right.
What's the matter with us? We're living in a dream world.
Betty, there's only one thing to do.
We'll toss a coin and either you and Barney go, or Fred and I go.
That sounds fair.
- It would have been fun together, Wilma.
- It sure would have, Betty.
I'm sure glad I'm only a bird.
Just getting a cracker is a big deal for me.
- See you in the morning, Barney-boy.
- Right, Fred.
It's your turn to drive tomorrow.
So long.
Wilma, Poopy's home.
Let's eat.
Let's feed the face.
Fred, wait till I tell you what happened today.
Later, Wilma.
Start the nourishment coming.
I am starved.
Fred, do you remember that slogan contest I entered last month? Yeah.
Yeah, I remember telling you not to waste your time.
You were wrong.
I won a trip for two to Hollyrock.
- Hollyrock? - That's right.
Boy, am I lucky.
We'll hobnob with the stars.
We'll eat at the Brown Pandora.
We'll stroll along Hollyrock Boulevard.
Come on, Wilma.
Let's get packed.
I'll eat at the airport.
Fred.
Just a minute.
- Leave a note for the milkman, Wilma.
- Fred, listen to me.
Come on, Wilma, stop yakking and start packing.
Fred, will you listen? It's not all set.
It depends.
Depends? Depends on what? Who? Where? - It depends on Betty and Barney.
- Betty and Barney? They're not coming with us.
That's out.
Fred, sit down a minute and let me explain.
It started like this And that's what happened.
So Betty and I decided the only fair thing to do was toss for it.
So Wilma and I decided the only fair thing to do is toss for it.
We'll have to watch Fred.
- He used to have a two-headed coin.
- Barney, I'm ashamed of you.
- Fred wouldn't cheat his best friends.
- Yeah, all right.
I'm sorry, Betty.
That wasn't very nice of me, was it? Well, here goes.
One toss to see who goes to Hollyrock.
- Ready? - Ready.
I'll take heads.
You can't have heads.
I always take heads.
Well, you're tossing, so I get to call it.
Okay, wise guy.
You toss and I will call heads.
Fred, let me see that coin.
Oh, Wilma.
Let me see it, Fred.
Just as I thought.
You're using that two-headed coin.
- What are you trying to do, Fred, cheat? - Who me? Of course not.
It was just a gag.
Just for a gag we'll let Barney toss with a regular coin.
Okay, here goes.
You call it, Fred.
Heads.
It's tails.
We win, Betty.
Hooray.
We go to Hollyrock.
How about that? Ain't that something, Fred? Yeah, Barney.
That's swell.
Congratulations, Betty.
You and Barney will have a wonderful time.
Yeah.
I guess so.
- Barney? - Hey, Fred.
How about making it two out of three? Barney, you're a pal.
Okay.
I'll take heads again.
Heads it is.
Now we're even.
- Toss again, Barney.
- Okay.
Here goes.
Heads again.
I win.
You hear that, Wilma.
I won.
Hollyrock, here we come.
Get the bags, start packing.
Look.
- Good night, Wilma.
Have a nice trip.
- Good night, Fred.
Wait a minute, you guys.
How about making it three out of four, Barney? It's tails, I think.
Keep tossing, Barney.
We'll make it best 75 out of 100.
Come on, you two.
We're not getting anywhere tossing that coin.
Yeah, you're right, Wilma.
And I got a solution.
- Yes, Fred? - Go on, what is it? - Barney and I will go.
- No, you won't.
We wouldn't trust you out there for one minute.
Yeah.
Surrounded by all those starlets.
Can you imagine that, Barney? They wouldn't trust us surrounded by all those starlets.
Neither would I.
If anybody goes it should be Betty and me.
After all, we won the contest.
You're right, Wilma.
You two girls go to Hollyrock.
- Do you mean it? - Sure I mean it.
It's okay with you, isn't it, Barney? Yeah, I guess so.
- Gee, thanks, Barney.
- Don't mention it.
- We'll get packed right away.
- Bring all your summer clothes.
Our cameras, don't forget our cameras.
And we'll have to get an autograph book.
Do you get it? They'll be gone a whole week.
We can stay out as late as we want.
Bowl every night.
Why, it's a chance of a lifetime.
- How about that, Barney-boy? - Hooray.
Well, they're on the plane, Barney.
Boy, what a speedy looking job.
Speedy is right.
That's one of those Boeing jet jobs.
Ready for take off.
- Roger, fire engine one.
- Fire one.
They're ready to take off.
- Goodbye, Wilma.
- Goodbye, Betty.
- Goodbye, Fred.
- Goodbye, Barney.
Don't forget to feed the cat.
Here she comes, Barney.
Look at them go, Barney.
- Do you think they're safe, Fred? - Of course.
These modern planes fly with only two birds if necessary.
That's sure nice to know.
Barney, we're as free as a bird.
I feel like a bird in a guilty cage.
Come on.
We'll bowl a game or two.
It'll cheer you up.
Strike! How's about that, Barney? How about you guys calling it quits? It's after 1:00.
I'd like to close the place.
I suppose you're one of those poor guys that's gotta get home at a certain time? That sounds good to me, Fred.
Why, the night is young, Barney.
What are we gonna do now? How about going home, Fred? Home? We can go home anytime.
We are night people now.
We don't go home until it starts getting light.
Barney, I just remembered I know a place where there's all-night roller skating.
- Come on, Barney, let's go.
- What? This is what I call living.
Barney, where are you going? Wait for me.
Barney, come back.
Barney, are you all right? Speak to me.
Say something.
That looks pretty good, Barney.
Move over.
- Hey, Barney! - What is it, Fred? What do you say we shoot some pool and take in an all-night movie? You go, Fred.
I got something to do.
I'll come over and help you, and then we will go.
Honest, Fred, I can't go.
I'm writing a letter to Betty.
Gee, I sure miss her.
- Do you miss Wilma? - Miss her? Are you kidding? She's only been gone two days.
Miss her? Of course I miss her.
Fred, do you mind turning around? This part is personal.
Sure, Barney.
Okay, Fred.
Thanks.
- Barney? - Yeah? I got an idea.
- Count me out, Fred.
- No, wait.
Supposing, now, just supposing we took a week of our vacations now and flew out to Hollyrock.
We could meet the girls and all come back together.
Right.
- Fred, I want to apologize.
- What for, Barney? For what I've been thinking of you the last few days.
Third class, unscheduled, steerage flight now boarding at gate 13 for Hollyrock.
All aboard, you cheapskates.
That's us, Barney.
Let's go.
Hollyrock, here we come.
Gee, Betty.
This is where they make all those big television shows.
I know.
And aren't we lucky our prize included a trip through the studio? And how.
Let's go in.
Problems.
Why do I always have these problems? Why can't I get the right girl for the wife's part? All I get is method actresses' mumbo jumbo starlets, simpering all over the place.
This part calls for a real woman.
A real wife.
One who's been through the wringer with a loud-mouthed, overbearing husband.
- Yes, sir.
- I can see her in my mind, you see.
She cries herself to sleep at night but she laughs and plays the game during the day, she Let's go to the commissary, Betty, and have a cool drink.
That's her.
She's perfect.
That's the answer.
Get that woman.
With her as the star, I can get The Frogmouth our big spectacular, into immediate production.
Here we are, sir.
There she is.
Hold it, don't move.
I was right.
That's her.
Yes, I believe you.
- I didn't say anything yet.
- I like that.
A sense of humor, too.
And that's what you need as the wife of the Frogmouth.
Frogmouth? Watch it, bub.
Fred may be a little loud, but he's no frogmouth.
That's the spirit.
Defends her man in spite of everything.
What blind devotion to a no-good.
He beats you, he gambles the milk money.
You can't talk that way about Fred, you brute.
Use all that the fire, the intensity, she's perfect.
Only his name isn't Fred, you know, it's Bill.
Just my Bill kind of thing.
No matter what he does No matter where he goes It never rains on pretty flowers No, that's Jim, isn't it? But if Fred articulates better, we'll change the name to Fred, you see.
Anything to get you to play the part.
What's he talking about, Wilma? The part? What part? The wife part in our big TV spectacular, The Frogmouth.
Where did she go? Come on, Wilma, wake up.
Somebody get a glass of water.
I can't believe it, Betty.
I'm in a television play.
Yeah, and a star part, too.
- Isn't it thrilling? - It's like a dream.
Wait till Fred hears about this.
Gee, Wilma, we're having all the fun while our poor husbands are back home slaving away.
Yeah.
I wonder what Fred and Barney are doing now.
There she is, Barney.
Hollyrock.
Spread out at our feet.
Shouldn't we keep looking for Betty and Wilma, Fred? Since they could be any place, they could be up here.
- But they're not up here, Fred.
- Okay.
We'll go back to Hollyrock Boulevard and keep looking for them.
Gee, Fred, we looked everywhere, but no Wilma and no Betty.
What'll we do now? I don't know, Barney, but I gotta sit down somewhere.
My feet are killing me.
How about that place, Fred? We can sit in there.
Get that title: The Frogmouth.
Must be about one of those loud-mouthed guys.
- You know the type, Barney.
- Intimately, Fred.
Anyway, we can watch them rehearse and rest at the same time.
- Feels good to sit down, Barney? - Yeah.
I think I'll take a nap until the show starts.
That's a good idea.
A little snooze would do me a lot of good, too.
I know you've been rehearsing at home, and you know your part but project, you know, really give out.
You're the Frogmouth.
You're loud, you're noisy, you're obnoxious - Iots of decibels, you got it? - I think so.
No, nobody would do this to me.
It's a gag, that's it.
It relieves the tension.
I was all tight.
Now I'm all loosened up.
Okay, Wilma, honey.
Throw the Frogmouth his first cue.
This is a rehearsal, everybody.
Quiet on the stage.
Go ahead, Wilma.
Bill, the baby's college fund money is missing.
Did you take it, Bill? Yes, I did.
So what? You wanna make something out of it? No! Louder, you're the Frogmouth.
Be positive.
Yes, I did.
So what? You wanna make something out of it? Why me? I'm a good guy.
It's too late to audition people.
I could've gone to college, I could've learned a trade but, no, I had to be a television producer and I wind up with a polliwog for a frogmouth.
I'm ruined.
Hey, you guys, wake up.
Up.
This is a theater, not a flophouse.
Fred, look up on the stage.
What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What are you doing up there? I've been looking all over Hollyrock for you and what happens? I find you up on a dark stage instead of outside, soaking up the sunshine.
That voice.
He's the perfect Frogmouth.
Get that frog, I mean that man.
Get him up here right away.
So, you're Wilma's husband.
I knew it.
One look at her, and I knew it.
Tell me, Fred, did you ever do any acting? One year, I was in the spring play at Public School 158.
And you were a Hamlet, Romeo, King Arthur? No, none of those things.
Some of the kids were trees some were flowers, some were butterflies.
- And what were you? - I was a slug.
It figures.
And, now, Fred, you're going to have a chance to tromp the boards again, as the Frogmouth.
Fred and Wilma look good up there, don't they, Barney? Here's the tryout.
Bill, the baby's college fund money is missing.
Did you take it? Yes, I did.
So what? If he wants to go to college he can wait on tables.
Stupendous! Simply colossal.
Let me offer my congratulations.
You see, I love an actor who ad-libs lines to the script makes the show run long, you see.
We have to cut the ending, but I don't mind.
We never know how to end them anyway, you see.
You're in, Fred.
You'll be a smash.
Fred, how wonderful.
Congratulations.
I must live right no matter what my psychiatrist says.
I'm telling you, Barney, there's nothing to this acting racket.
It comes natural to me.
Of course, this Frogmouth bit is all right for a starter but it's not the real me.
I'm gonna move into big stuff, like Dr.
Jekyll Hides.
The Halfback of Notre Dame.
Around the World in a Daze.
There's a lot of good things a man of my talents can tackle.
Mr.
Flintstone, can I have your autograph please? Certainly, son.
- Here you are, boy.
- Thanks, Fred.
You just signed the check for dinner.
Very funny.
The theater is packed.
Looks like everybody in Hollyrock has come to see the telecast.
Lucky for us we're friends of the stars.
We can watch it from backstage.
Look, Betty.
There's Fred and the producer.
He must be giving Fred some last-minute instructions.
You can run along now, J.
B.
I'll take over from here.
After all, I'm the star.
Hey, you up there! Be sure and have that spotlight on me all the time.
And, Professor here's some music I wrote last night.
Use it to bridge into the second act.
Now, listen all you supporting players.
If you forget a line don't worry, I will cover for you.
I gotta stop him.
If the show goes over I'll be saddled with him for the whole season.
And I can't take that.
Not for 26 weeks.
I gotta stop him.
I gotta sabotage this thing.
But how? Okay.
Places everybody.
Two minutes to go.
Turn the houselights down.
I got it.
It just might work.
How do you feel, Fred? Are you nervous? - Kind of sick to your stomach? - Nervous? Are you kidding? You are talking to Mr.
Showbiz, buster.
That's fine.
Because everybody will be watching every move you make.
Every line you speak, every lift of your eyebrow, they'll be rooting for you.
All 60 million of them.
60 million? Okay, Wilma.
We're on the air.
Action! Bill, the baby's college fund money is missing.
Did you take it? Cut to camera three and bring Charlie in.
Okay, Charlie, you got an hour to fill in.
Keep those balls bouncing.
Remember, the show must go on.
Oh, boy.
My big chance.
Fred, what happened? Say something.
Why, he's lost his voice.
- Hello, Wilma.
How's Fred feeling? - Has he said anything yet? No.
And we've been home for a week now.
I'm going to try that idea we thought up, Betty.
It's kind of drastic, but it might work.
How do you like my new fur coat? It's genuine Siberian mastodon and only cost $5,000.
I knew you wouldn't mind, so I charged it.
Wilma! Are you out of your mind? You think I'm made of money or something? Send it back before I sue the store for selling it to you.
Let's go home now, Barney.
Fred's got his voice back again.
And how.
The big frogmouth bellows again.
What a guy.
Yeah.
By the way, Barney when Wilma bought that fur coat the salesgirl showed me a darling little saber-toothed tiger stole.
I just couldn't resist it, Barney.
Betty Rubble! Are you out of your mind? Do you think I'm made of money or something? Send it back before I sue the store for selling it to you.
What a loudmouth that guy is.
Oh, boy.
Come on, Wilma.
Open the door!