The Guild (2007) s01e10 Episode Script
Boss Fight
I've never really felt like I had any control over my life.
I think that's why I like video games.
It is so much easier to measure life in experience points.
But, I mean, I was in Cheesybeards, and I saw that woman.
I had this crazy surge of confidence that I could take on something that was bigger and tougher than anything I've taken on before.
Because I had the Guild as backup.
That was pretty cool.
This is really good pudding.
This is really good pudding.
Yeah.
There's no way, okay? She breast fed me until I was 11, so There's no escape.
11? She is a formidable opponent.
But this could be a great group building exercise! Attacks? Uh Acid tongue and a mean right hook.
So stay alert.
Potions out and ready.
Let's make the pull.
Wait.
Why are we doing this? She called me "homely.
" Man up.
All right.
Sujan! I have missed three Pilates sessions with this latest escapade of yours.
Get in the car, and let's go.
Mrs.
Goldberg, um, Zaboo has something to say to you.
You again? Sujan, can't you see? Your babies would be so ugly.
Mom, I'm not interested in joining you at this juncture very much.
Excuse me? Forget it! I'm coming! Joke'd.
- Okay.
Let's get some frosties.
- No! Madam, Zaboo is on record that he has no wish to go home with you.
I can notarize the statement in writing.
I'm licensed and have my own seal.
I carry it on my person.
Always.
I'm sorry.
But this is a family issue.
Your bald authority means nothing to me.
Vork has passive-aggressive aggro.
GPS begin.
But she's so pretty.
I mean, ugly! Ugh! No wonder Zaboo wants to leave you.
I like your dress.
How many unemployed people have you arranged to gang up on me? Look, your son doesn't want to live with you anymore.
Duh! A real mom doesn't smother her kids.
Heck! They can live alone at 15.
I did my research.
Anyways, if you love him, just listen.
Oh! I'm outta mana.
Nice damage, Clara.
He just wants to live his own life.
You can understand that, right? You started all this! How dare you try to steal my son! But, I I wasn't You "wasn't" what? Able to put together a decent outfit? Wax your little moustache? Hey! Get off our healer.
She's squishy.
Out of the way, you! I'm immune to poison, Lady Face Lift.
Oh, yikes! Nasty crit! Sujan, I'm just trying to protect you.
Every time you run off with one of these online women, I have to come get you out of trouble.
Every time? Come home with me.
Don't abandon me like your father did.
Mom, Dad had a heart attack.
Out of spite! He ate all that fatty food on purpose.
Please, son.
You're all I have left.
Oh Don't cry.
Brain melting.
No, Zaboo.
It's your life.
You don't have to live it for her.
Yeah, I know.
But she's my mommy.
She's got him mind-controlled! Do something, Vork! Woman.
Tears.
Paralyzed.
Zaboo's mom, chill.
A MILF as hot as you can find another son.
Hell, I'll volunteer, and you can spank me or bathe me or whatevs.
Well, thank you.
But I don't want another son.
And my son doesn't want another mother.
Oh, yeah? He tried to suicide 'cause of you.
No screenshot, but trust me.
It happened.
Is this true? Yeah.
You kind of inspired it.
Ouch.
She's stunned.
Heal them up, Codex.
Zaboo, you can tell her.
We're here for you.
Mom, I'm tired of you treating me like a little kid, okay? I'm an adult, and I'd like to be able to read my porn wherever I want.
In the living room.
During lunch.
Okay? So, just Look, I love you.
But Dad was right.
You can be a real crazy lady.
Okay? So, I'm not going home with you.
She's down! Yay! Don't bother changing your mind.
I always wanted a sewing room.
Yes! Did you see what we did, you guys? Socially maladjusted, my butt! Yeah.
We totally knocked her into menopause.
Yeah, own'd.
Just a sec, guys.
Zaboo! No! Hey, Mom! Do I get a good-bye hug? Is she gone? For now.
But remember, every boss has a re-spawn timer.
Speaking of spawn, Clara, where are your kids? Oh, yeah! Right.
Hey! Thanks for coming out of stealth there, buddy.
No problem.
I'm sorry I was all douchey to you, guys.
It's just hard being exploited because I'm all hot and stuff.
And I just kinda took it out on you, guys.
I suppose we can call your inbox clean.
You fought well for the Guild.
Yeah.
Too bad she didn't drop any loot.
She dropped some loot for Codex.
I think that's why I like video games.
It is so much easier to measure life in experience points.
But, I mean, I was in Cheesybeards, and I saw that woman.
I had this crazy surge of confidence that I could take on something that was bigger and tougher than anything I've taken on before.
Because I had the Guild as backup.
That was pretty cool.
This is really good pudding.
This is really good pudding.
Yeah.
There's no way, okay? She breast fed me until I was 11, so There's no escape.
11? She is a formidable opponent.
But this could be a great group building exercise! Attacks? Uh Acid tongue and a mean right hook.
So stay alert.
Potions out and ready.
Let's make the pull.
Wait.
Why are we doing this? She called me "homely.
" Man up.
All right.
Sujan! I have missed three Pilates sessions with this latest escapade of yours.
Get in the car, and let's go.
Mrs.
Goldberg, um, Zaboo has something to say to you.
You again? Sujan, can't you see? Your babies would be so ugly.
Mom, I'm not interested in joining you at this juncture very much.
Excuse me? Forget it! I'm coming! Joke'd.
- Okay.
Let's get some frosties.
- No! Madam, Zaboo is on record that he has no wish to go home with you.
I can notarize the statement in writing.
I'm licensed and have my own seal.
I carry it on my person.
Always.
I'm sorry.
But this is a family issue.
Your bald authority means nothing to me.
Vork has passive-aggressive aggro.
GPS begin.
But she's so pretty.
I mean, ugly! Ugh! No wonder Zaboo wants to leave you.
I like your dress.
How many unemployed people have you arranged to gang up on me? Look, your son doesn't want to live with you anymore.
Duh! A real mom doesn't smother her kids.
Heck! They can live alone at 15.
I did my research.
Anyways, if you love him, just listen.
Oh! I'm outta mana.
Nice damage, Clara.
He just wants to live his own life.
You can understand that, right? You started all this! How dare you try to steal my son! But, I I wasn't You "wasn't" what? Able to put together a decent outfit? Wax your little moustache? Hey! Get off our healer.
She's squishy.
Out of the way, you! I'm immune to poison, Lady Face Lift.
Oh, yikes! Nasty crit! Sujan, I'm just trying to protect you.
Every time you run off with one of these online women, I have to come get you out of trouble.
Every time? Come home with me.
Don't abandon me like your father did.
Mom, Dad had a heart attack.
Out of spite! He ate all that fatty food on purpose.
Please, son.
You're all I have left.
Oh Don't cry.
Brain melting.
No, Zaboo.
It's your life.
You don't have to live it for her.
Yeah, I know.
But she's my mommy.
She's got him mind-controlled! Do something, Vork! Woman.
Tears.
Paralyzed.
Zaboo's mom, chill.
A MILF as hot as you can find another son.
Hell, I'll volunteer, and you can spank me or bathe me or whatevs.
Well, thank you.
But I don't want another son.
And my son doesn't want another mother.
Oh, yeah? He tried to suicide 'cause of you.
No screenshot, but trust me.
It happened.
Is this true? Yeah.
You kind of inspired it.
Ouch.
She's stunned.
Heal them up, Codex.
Zaboo, you can tell her.
We're here for you.
Mom, I'm tired of you treating me like a little kid, okay? I'm an adult, and I'd like to be able to read my porn wherever I want.
In the living room.
During lunch.
Okay? So, just Look, I love you.
But Dad was right.
You can be a real crazy lady.
Okay? So, I'm not going home with you.
She's down! Yay! Don't bother changing your mind.
I always wanted a sewing room.
Yes! Did you see what we did, you guys? Socially maladjusted, my butt! Yeah.
We totally knocked her into menopause.
Yeah, own'd.
Just a sec, guys.
Zaboo! No! Hey, Mom! Do I get a good-bye hug? Is she gone? For now.
But remember, every boss has a re-spawn timer.
Speaking of spawn, Clara, where are your kids? Oh, yeah! Right.
Hey! Thanks for coming out of stealth there, buddy.
No problem.
I'm sorry I was all douchey to you, guys.
It's just hard being exploited because I'm all hot and stuff.
And I just kinda took it out on you, guys.
I suppose we can call your inbox clean.
You fought well for the Guild.
Yeah.
Too bad she didn't drop any loot.
She dropped some loot for Codex.