The Inbetweeners (US) (2012) s01e10 Episode Script

1 I'd pretty much given up on girls after my experience with Charlotte.
You need to calm down.
She defriended you.
You can't come back from that.
But Simon had hit the jackpot.
He'd met a girl who still wanted to hook up with him Just getting ready to do it in the bushes.
Even after she'd gotten to know him.
I'm wearing a bum's shoes.
[Upbeat percussive music.]
But for the rest of us, things had to change.
So that morning, we ditched the usual ritual of meeting at Simon's for a lift to school You guys want a ride? Let's go.
And instead went to meet at Neil's, because a wise man once told us rituals were bull[Bleep.]
.
You can't plan life any more than a sailboat plans the wind.
This man.
Do you go sailing a lot? Aren't we all sailing? Jono was Neil's dad's friend.
What that meant was still under discussion.
I bet him and Neil's dad don't even kiss.
It's more like, "Hello, mate.
" Bloop.
"Well, then, let's go get a pint.
" I bet they don't even lay down.
But we knew how we felt about him.
Can I get a slice of that? Hmm? There you go, mate.
That does look good.
And Neil's dad was just happy to have a house full of men.
This is great, huh, guys? We should just have a day where we play hooky, just a special day where we blow everybody off.
Not today, big Kev.
These little blokes have got to get to school.
And I've got to build a deck.
Yeah, but there's no rush on that, so Well, you work hard; you play hard, right? Boys: Right.
Yes, Jono.
He stole that one from a bumper sticker, but we didn't give a damn.
He was amazing.
Your dad's so lucky.
Jono's way cooler than any girlfriend I've ever had.
You never had a girlfriend.
Never met a girl like Jono.
He's just my dad's friend.
He's helping him build a deck.
You know there's no deck, right? There's wood.
Oh, yeah, there's wood.
[Laughter.]
Shut up.
All right, today we're going to learn about catalysts and how introducing one element into a stable environment can create an exothermic reaction.
This experiment was going to create more than an exothermic reaction.
It was going to get me my dream girl.
[Rock music.]
Samantha Morrison: Cheerleader, designs her own clothes, likes inaccessible rock music, way out of my league.
But destiny had thrust her into my arms.
Well, it had thrust her to my lab table, but my arms were close by.
Hey.
Hey, here you are again.
Yup.
Assigned seats, so every day.
Get used to it.
I think I might.
Actually, I--I need these.
Ugh, yikes.
This looks complicated.
No, no, no.
It's just magnesium.
Alkaline metals are very easy, since they only have three isotopes.
I know, because I begged the teacher to do the experiment, one of the few that requires a lab partner.
All right.
Now, everybody's going to need a lab partner.
Partners? Ugh, I wish I could just do all this work by myself.
Would you like to be my lab partner? Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, attention, students.
First period will be canceled due to a special presentation.
All students, report to the front of the library.
Come on! Son of a bitch.
Whoo! [Drumming.]
The library had been under renovation, but as this was a public school without even enough money to buy its marching band instruments, everyone assumed "renovation" meant closed forever.
This is so exciting.
I wonder if they expanded the National Geographic collection.
Native titties! Oh, I miss having a library.
At my last school, it was like my fortress of solitude.
The sound of pages turning-- Are you kidding me? Whoa, whoa.
Si, check it out.
She looks pissed.
What are they arguing about? Dude, this is your chance, okay? Get in there after a breakup, and you'll be renovating her cooter.
Lovely.
No, I'm happy with Lauren.
She's so different from other girls, a real free spirit.
Have you banged her yet? No, I'm closing in on it.
Nice.
Carly missed her window.
She missed her window.
Hey, Samantha.
Samantha, you excited about the new library? Yeah, I guess.
I mean, I never really went in the old one, so Well, I'd be happy to show you around this one, if you like.
There's nothing I don't know: Dewey decimal classifications, microfiche searches, when to shush and when to let it go.
Hmm.
I would like to read the Kama Sutra.
Section 108, ancient philosophy.
Huh.
Yeah, okay, show me around.
She saw it, my library swagger.
I had a place to get my learn on, and she wanted a taste of it.
Red Bull? And it tasted like taurine.
There were no books, no card catalogs, no wooden ladders on wheels.
It was like a nightmare wrapped in a tiny silver can.
Our library had been donated by Red Bull, if you could call it a library, though some people were more open-minded about it.
Even Neil's sister had been sucked in.
Tina, Tina.
I don't know you.
What are you talking about? Stop talking to me.
But I'm-- Can I at least have a Red Bull? Thank you.
Hey, guys.
Oh, this is awesome.
I love this place! I know.
It's totally extreme.
No, it's not.
This is wrong.
I'd say it's totally extreme.
You guys realize that you're standing next to a sign that says, "Totally extreme.
" And where are all the books? Does anybody notice that there are no books? So? So this is a library, not the X games.
And the whole reference section has been replaced by touch screens.
Well, I love touch screens.
And I love Red Bull.
Of course you do.
That's the point.
They're taking over and brainwashing you.
There's still some library stuff, like the mannequin of our old librarian.
I think that actually is our old librarian.
Here you go.
Eh, she'll land on her feet.
Anyways, Red Bull! [Laughs.]
[Motor revving.]
[Heavy metal music.]
Whoa, yeah! Whoa! Whoa, what's he doing? Whoa! [Cheers and applause.]
Extreme! Extreme! Hi, I'm Aaron Colton, and on behalf of Red Bull, I'm honored to introduce you to your new and improved library.
[Cheers and applause.]
[Engine revving.]
[Tires squealing.]
[Coughing.]
I wanted to wash Aaron Colton's exhaust fumes off of me, but Simon had a pressing engagement at the mall.
Why couldn't you just drop me off at home? I told you I have to meet Lauren here.
Why don't you goof around and people-watch? [Laughs.]
People are idiots.
Simon.
Oh, hey! Ugh, I miss Bree.
She might be here.
They have a play area.
Shut up.
Oh, there's Jono.
And Neil's dad.
Looks like Simon's not the only one on a date.
They're probably here buying deck supplies.
Yeah, where, forever 21? Hey, Jono! Jono! Hey, man.
Hey, what's up, dude? But what at first seemed random soon seemed like fate.
Hi, boys.
Looking good, mates.
What are you guys doing here? Jono here is going to protest the closing of a tunes n such.
Yeah, it's the last CD store in town, so me and my gang, we're going to set up a little drum circle, see if we can keep it open another week.
Yeah.
Plus, we need a break from the deck.
Oh, yeah, how's that coming along? Well, the wood has to harden.
At the moment, it won't hold a screw.
It's too soft.
Probably going to take another three weeks, right? So does protesting actually work? Sure.
Last week, we drum-circled a redbox machine.
It pretty much worked except for that little kid trying to rent a Wii game.
Oh, I swear, if he hadn't been seven, I would have punched him right in the face.
'Ello, mate-- No.
G'day, mate.
Oh, g'day, how's-- how do you think I'd look in this? Naked.
Is that a problem? No.
No, it's not a problem at all.
Good.
I'd hoped not.
Shh.
Uh that's a problem.
Guh! Uh! Uhhhhhhhh! Hi, there.
Do you guys have Red Bull? Sure.
Yes! Since when do you drink Red Bull? Just felt like a Red Bull.
Because of the library.
See what they're doing to you? That's their plan: To be all you think about.
No, I just feel like getting a little amped, taking this mall experience to the extreme.
Everybody, jump in the fountain! Listen to how you're talking.
Red Bull is right; you are talking pretty weird.
You just called me "Red Bull.
" I think that's because I want a Red Bull.
Ma'am, can you make that two Red Bulls, please? Yeah.
I love reading.
[Cheering.]
Yeah.
Yes! What happened? The landlord agreed to stay open another month.
Jono saved it.
I mean, is there nothing this guy can't do? Build a deck.
Excuse me? We're not finished yet, mates.
Let's see if we can drum up another year! [People cheering.]
Jono had done it.
He had stood up for what he believed in and made a difference.
Maybe I could as well.
[Upbeat electronic music.]
I just needed to figure out how And make sure not to invite Neil's dad.
A protest against the library seemed like a good idea, but I wasn't sure how to stage it.
A drum circle was out of the question, and my friends had their own problems to solve.
I think I'm dating a kleptomaniac.
Dude, if she steals, that's good.
You can blackmail her into having sex.
Blackmail sex is the best, because they have to do it.
I just want her to stop.
But I'm afraid if I say anything, she might dump me.
Damn it! Catch-22.
Not really, but how would you know any better? Our literature section is a half pipe.
Okay, I'm going to talk to her; I have to.
She might actually be the one.
Ugh.
Oh! "Oh, oh, oh, oh, a girl.
" Lauren? You'll never guess what fell into my purse yesterday.
Wow, you-- you shouldn't have.
Look, this whole shoplifting thing, it's wrong.
Oh, my God.
Don't dump me.
Don't dump me.
Don't dump me.
Don't dump me.
Don't dump me.
Don't dump me.
Don't-- You're so honest and kind.
That's what I love about you.
You make me want to be a better person.
I do? I'm lucky to have a guy who cares about me as much as you do.
No more stealing.
Except my heart.
Maybe it was that simple.
Maybe I just had to speak up.
Sir, I think that the new library is revolting.
It is a commercial for Red Bull first and a library second.
Or, like, tenth, which is insane, because it is, in fact, a library.
I understand completely where you're coming from.
Do you? Yes, you're upset that the school has a corporate partner.
But you have no idea how financially screwed we are.
You're not looking at these spreadsheets every day.
Those are post-it notes.
Well, I have a system.
My point is, having a Red Bull library is better than having no library.
I can say unequivocally it's not.
Oh, somebody's been on the dictionary obstacle course, I see.
What? Look, let's try to enjoy the benefits of having a corporate donation, huh? Like extracurricular activities.
Next Friday, we're having a Red Bull BMX expo.
Next Friday, the day that you canceled the U.
N.
meeting? Do you have any idea how long it takes to fill that auditorium with dirt? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Let's try not to resist a good thing, Will.
One-third of all people are actually deficient in taurine.
Taurine isn't a vitamin.
Not yet.
They've got you too.
The problem was deeper than I thought.
I needed some wisdom, and I knew who would have it.
[Cheerful rock music.]
And I knew who would follow.
I need you.
You could do a book burning.
There are no books.
That's the problem.
Or is that the answer? He always comes through.
Yeah.
I could do a memorial service, then have a news crew film me as I try and check out a book, and then when I can't, I deliver a eulogy for reading.
All you need is the perfect protest song.
[Strums guitar.]
[Laughs.]
He just wrote that.
He just wrote that! [Applause.]
The next day, when school let out, I prepared for my showdown with the library.
Too jokey? You could fill this one with blood.
I would take a stand, become the type of man Samantha Morrison couldn't refuse.
You know what? I'm going to go with my gut.
This is going to be great.
Just great, great, great.
Are you all right, mate? Yup, yup.
Though my showdown required me to stay up all night writing the perfect eulogy.
[Frantic rock music.]
Yes, it took Red Bull to get it done.
I'll acknowledge the irony, but I will not be deterred by it.
[Laughs.]
"Does a library have a soul?" No, that's stupid! [Slurping.]
This is good! This is good.
This is sad, but it's good.
[Chuckles.]
That one's done.
[Belches.]
Where the hell is the news crew? The library's only open an hour after school.
Relax, mate.
They'll be here.
Yeah.
Yeah, they will.
I promised them violence.
I'm hoping that Aaron Colton will just punch me in the face.
Well, I don't know who that is, but it sounds good.
Yeah.
You got that song ready? You tell me.
[Clears throat.]
[Strums guitar.]
No more pages-- Yeah, yeah, that's great.
That's great.
It was perfect.
I was going to make a difference.
I was going to have a real library again.
I was going to have it all.
What are you setting up? Is there going to be a battle of the bands or something? Even better-- battle of wills.
Who's the other Will? [Laughs.]
So they got you too.
Mm, yeah.
I like it, though.
Tastes good, helps me concentrate, and it makes me kind of horny.
Mm, so when's my library tour, by the way? You promised.
I was protesting the drink that fueled my dream girl's sexual appetite.
Crap.
[Strums guitar.]
No more pages-- Yeah, yeah, I heard it the first time.
Meanwhile, Simon was enjoying the results of his own protest.
These are hot, right? Yeah, yeah.
You should get them.
No, they are too expensive, and I play by the rules now.
You know what? I--I want to get these for you as a present.
Simon, that's so sweet of you.
What are you talking about? I'm getting from you and from a different person that you-- Bobby, I'm just tired of you lying.
That's fine.
Fine.
I-- Could you hold onto these for a second? Um, I Oh, I just--here.
Um, I'll be right back.
[Tearfully.]
Hey.
What are you doing here? Nothing.
Is everything okay? Yeah.
I guess.
Bobby and I are having some issues.
It's no big.
[Crying.]
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
It's me, Simon.
I'm here.
I'm the one.
Are you doing anything right now? No, no.
I could really, really use a friend.
Yeah, of course.
Of course, anything.
Simon.
[Alarm wailing.]
You think stealing's fun? Gets daddy's attention? Oh, no, no, no.
That was an accident.
Simon put those up there.
Simon.
I-- Simon! I-- Simon! Uh let's go.
Are you kidding me? You did steal stuff before.
I changed for you! And in front of you! Here we go.
I, too, was faced with a difficult choice: Having a real library or Samantha Morrison.
All right, here we go.
Three, two, one.
We're here in grove high school's brand-new Red Bull library, which has stirred some very passionate debates from many of its students, including William Mackenzie, who, I'm told, is about to check out a book.
So, Will, how do you feel about corporate partnerships in public schools? Will.
Will? Will.
Will, look at me.
How do you feel about corporate partnerships in public schools? Uh I No more pages are turning our books are all burn-- I love it.
What? It's the best thing that's ever happened to this school.
Huh? So uh okay.
So yeah.
Oh, this must be your girlfriend.
No.
No.
What? Ouch.
I should probably go pick him up.
You're such a good guy, Simon.
I know.
[Yelling.]
So that was it.
We had lost the library, I definitely wasn't Samantha's boyfriend, Lauren was in jail, and it wasn't looking too good with Jono.
[Sighs.]
You could have made a difference, mate.
[Gentle acoustic guitar music.]
I hope you're satisfied.
[Music stops.]
You're not leaving? Nah, just had to take a piss.
Still having problems with Bobby? I don't know; I guess we just aren't meant to be.
Sometimes you got to go through the jerks to know who the good guys are.
I didn't say he was a jerk.
Neither did I.
Every spa has a masseuse that will do anything if the price is right.
I have to leave here by 3:30.