The Weekenders (2000) s01e10 Episode Script
Band
1
Watch out!
Because this weekend we are on the cutting
edge of cool.
We have received inside information about
our favorite band.
Chum Bukkit !
Ha ha!
You know Chum Bukkit, right?
Do they rock?
Why?
Yes, they do.
And here is the big scoop.
They're playing a secret
holiday show at Club Carcass.
And we have tickets!
This is so cool!
Chum Bukkit has been my favorite band
forever!
Like practically all year!
Breathe.
Breathe.
The dream becomes reality.
Who's your favorite?
Dizz, obviously.
A) he's a lead singer, and
B) he rocks.
Chicken eat the eggs ! ♪
Chicken eat the egg ! ♪
[ WAILS ]
But he's not as cool as Kelp.
Those green dreadlocks
of his drive me crazy ~
It says here:
Undine relaxes by
watching old movies and
playing with her pet weasel
Captain Dreadnought.
Okay, she has a pet weasel and it's named
after my favorite superhero.
Cricket gets my vote.
She's concerned about the environment and
she's not just the drummer, you know.
She also plays the dulcimer~
I didn't know that because you've only
told us like a million times.
Yeah, seeing Chum Bukkit
is gonna be the best.
Oh, hi Ruby,
hi Percy.
We couldn't help but uh,
overhear your proclamation.
So you have tickets to see Chum Bukkit
and you think that makes you special, yes?
You bet it does!
Then we must be special, too.
For
Oh, behold!
Well, we're in the fourth row.
Well, then I really hope
we won't be obstructing
your view because
we are front row center!
Yeah, well..
we got free T-shirts for being
first in line at the box office.
I am so envious.
All we got were tour jackets from my
uncle Mike, who manages Club Carcass.
Whoa, we
the, the band's gonna dedicate the show to us!
[ COLLECTIVE GASP ]
Whoa!
Well, now,
I can't wait to see that.
I prescribe one large pepperoni pizza and
three hundred and sixty ccs of cola each.
Stat!
Okay, you're the doctor.
Carver, what were you thinking?!
- You're not only fibbed --
- Lied!
But you included us in your fib.
Lie!
I know, I know.
I've completely ruined all your lives.
But I have a plan that'll fix it.
Like, moving to another planet?
You know, Lor,
sarcasm is a bad habit to get into.
So is lying.
Fibbing!
Alright, here's the deal.
All we have to do is meet Chum Bukkit and
convince 'em to dedicate their show to us.
Then it won't be a lie anymore.
Su-ure..
Of course.
We'll just enchant them with our magic
fairy dust.
The band is signing CDs at the mall
tomorrow.
If we just tell them the truth,
maybe they'll take pity on us.
Oh, now you want to tell the truth.
Look, are you with me or not?
Alright.
Okay.
I'll start mixing up the fairy dust.
Dude, we'll never get in.
They're so beautiful.
Is it me or are they actually glowing?
Tish, they're under a skylight.
Oh.
That's it!
Uh-oh.
I feel a plan coming on.
Gimme your pen.
But this is my journal pen.
I'll give it back.
Hmm.
Interesting.
Hey, listen to this.
"Suffused elephant quaff winces exasperating."
[ COLLECTIVE CHEERING ]
Might make a good song.
Couldn't be any worse than
"Chicken Eat the Egg."
Quit it.
That's not what I wrote!
Well, no wonder you got a 'D' in Penmanship.
Yeah.
Whoever thought that would be important!?
Good penmanship is a source of pride to
those who cherish it.
Of course, that's just one bodyguard's
opinion now.
And an excellent opinion it is,
sir.
Okay.
Leaving now.
Why do we have to pick these things off?
It's an ancho-vectomy.
The hospital theme?
We were so close.
But, I guess we'll just have to face the
music and tell everyone Carver fibbed!
Not so fast.
Look, if we can find
out what hotel they're in,
we can still get to 'em
before the concert.
Well, there's only one really fancy hotel
in town.
The Bahia Marina Inn.
Excuse me.
What room is Chum Bukkit in?
We're here to
umm..
deliver
this pencil!
It's a number two!
Their favourite.
Wh-What are you doing?
[ PUT-UPON FAKE FRENCH ACCENT ]
Just making certain the dictionary doesn't
have my picture next to the word "sucker".
Okay.
Well, when you're done with that,
could you tell us where the band is?
Do you know who my favorite people
in this hotel are right now?
Chum Bukkit?
You!
Because you are the only people to whom I
need not be polite.
Go on.
Ask me for something so I can tell you no!
Go on.
Your accent is so fake.
[ REAL ACCENT, ANGRY DULL VOICE ]
Security to the front desk.
We're never gonna find Chum Bukkit's room.
I was really looking forward to this
concert.
Now we won't even be able to show our faces there.
Yeah.
It's too bad this had to happen.
Had to happen.. !?
Um, hi!
Live in the now!
You made it happen by lying.
Okay.
I know.
I told a huge lie.
I got you guys in a huge mess,
but I'm gonna fix it.
Yeah, I just think it's
kind of a red flag
to have me standing right
here outside of the room.
But everyone's gonna know they're in here.
No, you don't pay me to think.
- Guys..
- New plan?
If it involves a note,
I'm writing at this time.
Room service for Chum Bukkit?
It's supposed to be a secret.
Quick quick, give it here.
Oh, man!
Ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao.
What's this?
Carburetor-given rhinoplasty wide-load
cheese bundle?
I believe we have a poet following us.
He has a certain jejune
banality that speaks to
the quintessential anodonia of
our corporate infrastructure.
Either that or he's a total clodhopper!
Yeah, it's hard to tell with poets.
I don't think they're coming out.
You had to throw it in the water pitcher.
I was going for the sugar bowl!
You know, nine times out of ten,
I make that shot.
It was me standing outside the door that
tipped you off, wasn't it?
Go ahead, you can be honest.
Mom, would you pass the soy crumbles?
And would you mind posing as a groupie so
we could meet Chum Bukkit?
Yeah, why don't you
mentally re-play that sentence
and see if you can figure
out what's wrong with it?
Hmm..
Did I end it with a preposition?
Hang on.
Did you guys tell everyone
you're friends with the band?
Get out of my head!
I did the exact same thing when I
was your age, only with REO Speedwagon.
Oh I love those old cars.
So how did it work out?
Not so bad.
I admitted I lied,
and everyone gave me a
hard time for a couple of weeks
and then it blew over.
Uh-huh.
So you're going to pose
as a groupie or not?
Lemme think about it.
That guy with the green dreadlocks?
Pretty cute.
Just 'Yes' or 'No'.
I'm going to transfer to a school,
in Alaska.
No one could possibly know me there.
How old do you have to be to legally
change your name?
Come on.
My mom said it might only
last a couple of weeks.
Hang on.
They have to go to Club Carcass, right?
Right.
So that's our chance.
We catch 'em as they're going in.
Have mercy,
Chum Bukkit!
Hold on.
"Whole moped clam boil cat"?
Who wrote that?!
Um..
hehe..
Me?
You?
You're the mystery poet?
Well, yes.
Yes, I am.
Bison, get 'im!
No, not a poet.
Not a poet.. !
Well, this is not what I expected at all.
Neither did I.
No, no, I always thought caviar
would be sweet, not salty.
What is caviar, anyway?
Fish eggs.
No, really.
What is it?
So, you see, I've taken your poems
and turned them into a song!
It's going to be our next big hit!
Beluga?
Uh..
Uh gesundheit?
So, what's your secret?
How do you come up with all those
words?
Well, I
I
that is a
I wish I could tell you I'm some great poet,
but me lying has caused enough trouble.
See, I told some kids
at school that you guys
were going to dedicate the show to us
and that's why we've been
following you around.
And and and
Okay,
you must be pretty mad.
We'll just.. get on out of here then.
Mad?
Why would I be mad?
I got a great new song for free!
And I think it's pretty cool that you
admitted you're not a poet.
Ah, it was nothing --
-- and gave up thousands of dollars in
songwriting royalties.
Oh!
Don't sweat it, Carver.
You did the right thing.
I know, I know,
but still.
Oh!
Hello, Bahia Bay.
I'd like to dedicate tonight's show to,
uh, to our new friends
He doesn't remember our names.
Don't worry.
I wrote 'em down for him.
You what?!
Tina, Carlos, Winkle and Slappy!
The whole school's gonna hear about this
on Monday!
No.
I am never gonna lie again,
and I'm definitely gonna
work on my penmanship.
And now we're gonna do something new.
Suffused elephant quaft winces exasperating~!
Normally I'd say something clever here,
but I don't wanna miss the band.
So, later days!
Watch out!
Because this weekend we are on the cutting
edge of cool.
We have received inside information about
our favorite band.
Chum Bukkit !
Ha ha!
You know Chum Bukkit, right?
Do they rock?
Why?
Yes, they do.
And here is the big scoop.
They're playing a secret
holiday show at Club Carcass.
And we have tickets!
This is so cool!
Chum Bukkit has been my favorite band
forever!
Like practically all year!
Breathe.
Breathe.
The dream becomes reality.
Who's your favorite?
Dizz, obviously.
A) he's a lead singer, and
B) he rocks.
Chicken eat the eggs ! ♪
Chicken eat the egg ! ♪
[ WAILS ]
But he's not as cool as Kelp.
Those green dreadlocks
of his drive me crazy ~
It says here:
Undine relaxes by
watching old movies and
playing with her pet weasel
Captain Dreadnought.
Okay, she has a pet weasel and it's named
after my favorite superhero.
Cricket gets my vote.
She's concerned about the environment and
she's not just the drummer, you know.
She also plays the dulcimer~
I didn't know that because you've only
told us like a million times.
Yeah, seeing Chum Bukkit
is gonna be the best.
Oh, hi Ruby,
hi Percy.
We couldn't help but uh,
overhear your proclamation.
So you have tickets to see Chum Bukkit
and you think that makes you special, yes?
You bet it does!
Then we must be special, too.
For
Oh, behold!
Well, we're in the fourth row.
Well, then I really hope
we won't be obstructing
your view because
we are front row center!
Yeah, well..
we got free T-shirts for being
first in line at the box office.
I am so envious.
All we got were tour jackets from my
uncle Mike, who manages Club Carcass.
Whoa, we
the, the band's gonna dedicate the show to us!
[ COLLECTIVE GASP ]
Whoa!
Well, now,
I can't wait to see that.
I prescribe one large pepperoni pizza and
three hundred and sixty ccs of cola each.
Stat!
Okay, you're the doctor.
Carver, what were you thinking?!
- You're not only fibbed --
- Lied!
But you included us in your fib.
Lie!
I know, I know.
I've completely ruined all your lives.
But I have a plan that'll fix it.
Like, moving to another planet?
You know, Lor,
sarcasm is a bad habit to get into.
So is lying.
Fibbing!
Alright, here's the deal.
All we have to do is meet Chum Bukkit and
convince 'em to dedicate their show to us.
Then it won't be a lie anymore.
Su-ure..
Of course.
We'll just enchant them with our magic
fairy dust.
The band is signing CDs at the mall
tomorrow.
If we just tell them the truth,
maybe they'll take pity on us.
Oh, now you want to tell the truth.
Look, are you with me or not?
Alright.
Okay.
I'll start mixing up the fairy dust.
Dude, we'll never get in.
They're so beautiful.
Is it me or are they actually glowing?
Tish, they're under a skylight.
Oh.
That's it!
Uh-oh.
I feel a plan coming on.
Gimme your pen.
But this is my journal pen.
I'll give it back.
Hmm.
Interesting.
Hey, listen to this.
"Suffused elephant quaff winces exasperating."
[ COLLECTIVE CHEERING ]
Might make a good song.
Couldn't be any worse than
"Chicken Eat the Egg."
Quit it.
That's not what I wrote!
Well, no wonder you got a 'D' in Penmanship.
Yeah.
Whoever thought that would be important!?
Good penmanship is a source of pride to
those who cherish it.
Of course, that's just one bodyguard's
opinion now.
And an excellent opinion it is,
sir.
Okay.
Leaving now.
Why do we have to pick these things off?
It's an ancho-vectomy.
The hospital theme?
We were so close.
But, I guess we'll just have to face the
music and tell everyone Carver fibbed!
Not so fast.
Look, if we can find
out what hotel they're in,
we can still get to 'em
before the concert.
Well, there's only one really fancy hotel
in town.
The Bahia Marina Inn.
Excuse me.
What room is Chum Bukkit in?
We're here to
umm..
deliver
this pencil!
It's a number two!
Their favourite.
Wh-What are you doing?
[ PUT-UPON FAKE FRENCH ACCENT ]
Just making certain the dictionary doesn't
have my picture next to the word "sucker".
Okay.
Well, when you're done with that,
could you tell us where the band is?
Do you know who my favorite people
in this hotel are right now?
Chum Bukkit?
You!
Because you are the only people to whom I
need not be polite.
Go on.
Ask me for something so I can tell you no!
Go on.
Your accent is so fake.
[ REAL ACCENT, ANGRY DULL VOICE ]
Security to the front desk.
We're never gonna find Chum Bukkit's room.
I was really looking forward to this
concert.
Now we won't even be able to show our faces there.
Yeah.
It's too bad this had to happen.
Had to happen.. !?
Um, hi!
Live in the now!
You made it happen by lying.
Okay.
I know.
I told a huge lie.
I got you guys in a huge mess,
but I'm gonna fix it.
Yeah, I just think it's
kind of a red flag
to have me standing right
here outside of the room.
But everyone's gonna know they're in here.
No, you don't pay me to think.
- Guys..
- New plan?
If it involves a note,
I'm writing at this time.
Room service for Chum Bukkit?
It's supposed to be a secret.
Quick quick, give it here.
Oh, man!
Ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao.
What's this?
Carburetor-given rhinoplasty wide-load
cheese bundle?
I believe we have a poet following us.
He has a certain jejune
banality that speaks to
the quintessential anodonia of
our corporate infrastructure.
Either that or he's a total clodhopper!
Yeah, it's hard to tell with poets.
I don't think they're coming out.
You had to throw it in the water pitcher.
I was going for the sugar bowl!
You know, nine times out of ten,
I make that shot.
It was me standing outside the door that
tipped you off, wasn't it?
Go ahead, you can be honest.
Mom, would you pass the soy crumbles?
And would you mind posing as a groupie so
we could meet Chum Bukkit?
Yeah, why don't you
mentally re-play that sentence
and see if you can figure
out what's wrong with it?
Hmm..
Did I end it with a preposition?
Hang on.
Did you guys tell everyone
you're friends with the band?
Get out of my head!
I did the exact same thing when I
was your age, only with REO Speedwagon.
Oh I love those old cars.
So how did it work out?
Not so bad.
I admitted I lied,
and everyone gave me a
hard time for a couple of weeks
and then it blew over.
Uh-huh.
So you're going to pose
as a groupie or not?
Lemme think about it.
That guy with the green dreadlocks?
Pretty cute.
Just 'Yes' or 'No'.
I'm going to transfer to a school,
in Alaska.
No one could possibly know me there.
How old do you have to be to legally
change your name?
Come on.
My mom said it might only
last a couple of weeks.
Hang on.
They have to go to Club Carcass, right?
Right.
So that's our chance.
We catch 'em as they're going in.
Have mercy,
Chum Bukkit!
Hold on.
"Whole moped clam boil cat"?
Who wrote that?!
Um..
hehe..
Me?
You?
You're the mystery poet?
Well, yes.
Yes, I am.
Bison, get 'im!
No, not a poet.
Not a poet.. !
Well, this is not what I expected at all.
Neither did I.
No, no, I always thought caviar
would be sweet, not salty.
What is caviar, anyway?
Fish eggs.
No, really.
What is it?
So, you see, I've taken your poems
and turned them into a song!
It's going to be our next big hit!
Beluga?
Uh..
Uh gesundheit?
So, what's your secret?
How do you come up with all those
words?
Well, I
I
that is a
I wish I could tell you I'm some great poet,
but me lying has caused enough trouble.
See, I told some kids
at school that you guys
were going to dedicate the show to us
and that's why we've been
following you around.
And and and
Okay,
you must be pretty mad.
We'll just.. get on out of here then.
Mad?
Why would I be mad?
I got a great new song for free!
And I think it's pretty cool that you
admitted you're not a poet.
Ah, it was nothing --
-- and gave up thousands of dollars in
songwriting royalties.
Oh!
Don't sweat it, Carver.
You did the right thing.
I know, I know,
but still.
Oh!
Hello, Bahia Bay.
I'd like to dedicate tonight's show to,
uh, to our new friends
He doesn't remember our names.
Don't worry.
I wrote 'em down for him.
You what?!
Tina, Carlos, Winkle and Slappy!
The whole school's gonna hear about this
on Monday!
No.
I am never gonna lie again,
and I'm definitely gonna
work on my penmanship.
And now we're gonna do something new.
Suffused elephant quaft winces exasperating~!
Normally I'd say something clever here,
but I don't wanna miss the band.
So, later days!