Ugly Betty s01e10 Episode Script
Fake Plastic Snow
Previously on "Ugly Betty" We're with immigration and customs enforcement.
Mr.
Suarez, you're under arrest.
We're having a party up on 25 with human resources if you're free.
Well, I-I'd love to go, Henry, but- - But you have a boyfriend.
- Yeah, I do.
Marc, can I have some privacy please? Come on, Willie.
We don't have any secrets, not anymore.
Come work for my magazine.
You'll have your own assistant within a year.
She told me about the job offer.
I would never stand in your way.
You didn't grow up wanting to be my assistant.
# It's a marshmallow world # # in the winter # # When the snow comes # Making a list? Checking it twice? A list? You know, naughty or nice.
Most people around here fit into the first category, but, you, Betty, you're always nice.
No, it's just Daniel's expense report.
I'm done.
Here.
# That's how it goes # # whenever it snows # # The world is your snowball # No way.
8,479? That's the exact number of stars visible from earth on an ideal night.
- How do you- - Just something I know.
Hey.
Is that mistletoe? No, it's just holly.
# In winter, # # it's a marshmallow world # Wow.
You know what, Betty? You're just the girl I've been looking for.
What time is it? Oh, my god.
I'm gonna miss my plane.
I'm gonna miss you.
It's been an amazing three weeks.
I know.
It's all been sort of intense.
Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
I think we should take a breather while I'm gone.
A breather? What are you talking about? Well, time to cool off, apart- just to make sure all this is real.
Oh, I know it's real, Sofia.
I love you.
Oh, Daniel, what do you know from love? Your heart racing palms sweating can barely breathe when you see me? Actually, yeah.
All of that.
Well, that's not love.
That is hormones, infatuation, good sex.
Look, this isn't just about sex, Sofia.
Although, it has been pretty good.
- Right? - Daniel.
Come on, I can see a life with you, Sofia.
Okay.
If this is all real, prove it.
Why don't you see other women while I'm gone? I'm giving you the green light.
I'm serious.
And if you don't get sweaty palms and all that when you're with them, then maybe this is real.
I'm not gonna cheat on you just to prove I love you.
That's- that's crazy.
Don't think about it as cheating.
Think about it as proving your theory.
See, I need you to convince me that there's only one woman that you feel this way about- me.
It was just a dream, girl.
Don't get too freaked out by it.
But I barely even know Henry.
I- I don't get it.
I have a boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you about my Jose Mendoza dreams? Ew.
That pimply guy who owns the bakery on 85th? He was really into the Herbalux digestive tonics.
Don't judge.
Anyway, about a month ago, I had this dream.
We were going at it in this big bowl of cake batter.
Never mind.
That's not the point.
Anyway, the point is, do you see us dating now? No, of course not.
You know why? Because it was just a dream, and dreams don't mean anything.
Yeah, but Henry isn't Jose.
It-it's different, and well, we did go on a date once.
Well, lunch.
Stop.
You go to the Pro Buy party with Walter tonight and just forget about it.
Hilda, I kissed Henry.
In your dream.
As long as you don't actually do anything, it's harmless.
Betty, we're all tempted sometimes, right? Just avoid this Henry guy, and everything will be fine.
Justin! Honey, let's go! - Hi.
- Hi.
That girl has the vocal cords of a large cat.
I heard that! And the ears of whatever animal hears best.
A dolphin.
It's just something I know.
Dad, did you check in with the immigration people today? Today, yesterday, tomorrow- isn't it enough that they dragged me away like a criminal? Just calm down.
I'm just trying to help you.
They sent me to some program called I.
S.
A.
P.
They're sending over a caseworker next month.
Do we have to talk about this right now? - Holidays should be about family.
- Hey, watch it! What? Accident- mom, Gina, Christmas tree.
Well, it's officially the start of the holiday season.
You ran over my Christmas tree.
Well, I was aiming for you.
Besides, you left it in the middle of the street.
I just took it off the tracker.
I had to put it somewhere when I opened the front door.
The street is public property, unlike this house which is not, so get out! You better watch out.
I know when you're sleeping, and I know when you're awake.
Oops.
Ho, ho, ho! You're late.
Love the crystal menorah next to the sterling silver Santa.
So taboo.
Don't you just love the holidays? They're fabulous.
So is Nico coming home for Christmas? She's spending the break with her father in Dubai.
Besides, you know Christmas mornings for me are all about - martinis and valium.
- Yummy.
You did not just take the whole wheat bagel.
You know I always eat that one.
So sorry, Wil.
I thought we were sharing everything now that I know about our mysterious friend.
Right? Right.
That is so wrong.
I know, believe me.
We've been consistently over budget every issue.
We had to cut costs somewhere.
- Boo! - Boo! Come on.
An office party at the office? Thall be fun.
Yeah, like waxing is fun.
Thank you for your enthusiasm, Betty.
Actually, Betty has something to be excited about.
She's been offered an amazing new position at "MYW," and I hope she'll consider taking it.
We'll be looking for her replacement.
Any of you interested, leave your résumé with Betty.
And that's it.
Thank you.
Daniel, what are you doing? Something you're far too loyal to ever do.
But if I leave, who's gonna take care of you? Well, I guess we'll just have to find someone as good as you.
Better get started.
Well, I could try, but if I don't find the perfect assistant, I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, there's not enough time- Betty, Betty, sometimes we all have to take leaps of faith.
You know, you being with Sofia is the best thing for you.
Speaking of Sofia, I'd like to see you in my office.
There's something I need to tell you.
Would it be inappropriate to throw a good-bye party and not invite her? You know who would be perfect for that job? - Anne Hathaway.
- No.
Me.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, love your confidence.
Wait a second.
Sofia wants you to go out with someone else? - That doesn't make any sense.
- I know, it's crazy.
She seems to think some other woman will make my palms sweat and my heart race the way they do for her.
Well, how do you know they won't? Look, I-I've never been good at being faithful, but no one has ever made me feel the way Sofia does.
In fact, I stopped by to see Nigel on the way to work this morning.
I'm through with being a bachelor for good.
Oh, my god.
Are you serious? I mean, congratulations.
That's great.
Look, I-I know what you're thinking, but I-it-it's like they say- Well, what do they say? When you know, you know, and I do know.
Well, I'm so happy for you, Daniel, and for Sofia.
Thanks.
You know, they are just on loan until I figure out which one is gonna be perfect for her.
Well, I'm very glad to hear that you have no intention of testing out her theory because I know how you get around beautiful women, and Belle Jolie is sending over their lingerie line today on their models.
Hello? Yeah.
Okay, I'll be right there.
Hey, Betty, I love your sweater.
Did you make it yourself? Amanda, look, I need to plan a "Mode"- worthy party for $500, get Daniel a new assistant and get Justin a signed photo of Lindsay Lohan in two days.
I'm kinda busy.
Well, today is, like, your lucky day.
Hire me.
You know you wanna.
Are you serious? After what you and Daniel have been through? What is the very first thing I ever said to you? "Are you the before?" Okay, the second thing.
"Are you delivering something? " Whatever.
The point is I wanted this job way before you or Daniel ever came to "Mode.
" I have a brain to go with this beautiful body, Betty.
- Yeah.
Okay.
- Look, I can prove it to you.
Let me help you plan the party.
I've got tons of connections.
Plus, I can get loads of free crap.
Well, I mean, I could use the help.
Okay, you're on.
Anything else? Oh, yeah.
Snow's here.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
I- It's you.
Henry, hi.
You got a little, um, right here.
Gosh, I'm sorry.
That-that was very unprofessional.
Uh, let me help you clean this up.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
Actually, Betty, you're just the girl I've been looking for.
Oh, no, um, I'm sure that there are other girls.
Uh, it's about the party? I'm supposed to oversee the budget, so guess I'll be on top of you for the next couple days.
Partywise.
Oh.
Right.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, crap.
The models are here.
Show them in.
Oh, no.
That's my ex-girlfriend Aerin.
She broke my heart.
She was my first.
First supermodel.
God, that girl knew how to- Hey.
Aerin, what are you doing here? Taking my clothes off.
Uh, could you give us a second? Sure.
Do you need me to stay? No, I'll be fine.
Just bring the rest of the models in.
Oh, right.
That's gonna help.
Amanda? No.
No.
No.
Amanda? No.
Daniel, um, I just wanted to let you know that your girlfriend's plane, uh, landed safely, and that, um, the photo department is ready for the models.
Okay, come on.
Okay.
Bye.
See you later.
# Now listen here, chipmunks # # to this advice # # You better be good # # and you better be nice # Betty, this is Ralph.
Wa! He's our store manager- the man whose job I one day aspire to hold.
No.
Good to meet you, Betty.
Hi.
And if anyone can fill these size 13s, it's Walter.
This is my wife Jackie.
- A pleasure.
- Nice to meet you.
Hey, Paulie, let's get one of all of us together, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Squeeze in.
There we go.
- Thanks.
- Got it.
Huh? Betty, welcome to the Pro Buy family.
Thank you.
Walter, should we let the lovely ladies chat? Stewie made an ice luge.
Bring it! Betty, honey, we have so much in common.
I used to work in Manhattan, too-advertising- before I married that adorable lug.
Oh, wow.
Do you still work in advertising? Mm-hmm.
Right here at Pro Buy.
The commute's a breeze.
I'm not one for lots of travel.
Never even been on a plane.
Do you miss it- Manhattan? Never.
You'll get tired of it, too.
We're Queens girls, Betty, born and bred.
We belong here.
Thanks.
Marc? Marc? Hello? It's me.
Have you come up with a solution to our little problem? You mean Marc? I'm working on it.
He won't be a problem much longer.
Do what you must to shut him up.
Don't worry.
After I'm done, he will be silenced permanently.
Princess cut canary Oh, my god.
- Shot? - Oh, thanks.
Jackie, can I ask you a question that's kinda personal? When did you know that Ralph was the one? From the first moment.
He took my breath away, still does.
When did you know with Walter? Well, you s-see, I'm-I'm not sure that I do yet.
Oh, don't worry, honey.
There will come a time, and you'll just know.
Yeah, I hope so.
For what it's worth, I've heard Walter's sure he's found the one.
Did you go to the funeral home? They never delivered a casket to the mausoleum.
A relative claimed Fey's remains in the morgue.
A relative? It's all I could dig up.
After all of this, Fey Sommers is really dead.
Good morning, sunshine.
Brought you a little present.
Whole wheat.
Too late.
Yesterday was carb day.
Of course.
So are you sticking around for the Christmas party later tonight? Unfortunately.
You'd better show up, too.
You never know what surprises might be in store.
By the way, Marc, what is your home address? W- why? Just sending a special delivery your way.
'Tis the season.
Seriously, I've read every issue of "Mode" ever.
Did you know Danny Meade dated Fergie back when she was on "Kids incorporated"? - Oh, wow.
- See? I am perfect for this job.
Okay.
We'll let you know.
- Not going so well? - Nope.
I don't even think the right person for this job exists.
Well, you never know.
Party update- I got us five cases of champagne "donated" by this bartender I know at Double Seven's.
A friend of mine who used to work at Lizzie Grubman's company got us six white Christmas trees left over from Diddy's party, and I used to date this sculptor guy- would you prefer the ice sculpture be the "Mode" logo or a snowflake? I would go snowflake.
Wow.
Snowflake it is.
So I guess you can stop all that boring interviewing then, huh? Look, Amanda, I really appreciate the help, but that doesn't erase you and Daniel.
You're just-you're not the right person for this job.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Betty? Ornaments.
Thought it might save you a couple dollars.
Thanks, but, uh, the budget's all set.
Amanda got us some amazing deals.
Seems like a lot of people owe her favors.
So basically, you don't even need me.
Nope.
Hey, did you know that the snow inside these was originally particles of gold foil? Sounds beautiful, right? I had never even seen real snow until I got off the plane in New York.
What? How? Oh, uh, I grew up in the desert.
Tucson.
I used to think all snow looked like gold foil till I got here.
Silly, huh? No, not at all.
Okay, "soccer ball, "renewed subscription to 'Martha Stewart living,' "karaoke video game, "for grandpa never to go away"? Oh, Justin, don't worry.
He's gonna be Who moved all our decorations? And what's Santa doing to that elf? This has the skank prints of Gina Gambarro all over it.
Well, you did run over her Christmas tree, and Christmas is a time of love and forgiveness.
Grow up, Tiny Tim.
This means war.
Well, I like the claymation Rudolph best.
You know they did that with puppets? They called it animagic.
Just something you know? Yeah, I have this weird talent for remembering useless facts.
Oh, no, it's not useless.
It's it's cute.
Thanks.
I've been meaning to ask, is this- No, uh, it's just holly.
Holly.
You know what? I need to get back to work so you should probably go.
- Uh, okay.
- All right.
Uh, I guess I'll see you at the party? Okay.
Here, take this.
What? It's an ornament.
Take it.
Hey, watch the hair.
I can explain.
Amanda, please just tell me that you met some rich, gorgeous stockbroker, you're engaged and you're running off to Paris together.
- Ooh.
- Amanda! What, like that's so impossible? That's one of Daniel's rings, isn't it? Take it off! We have to put it back before he notices! You know those things must be worth, like, hundreds of dollars.
It's stuck! Just help me get it off! Look, I know what you're thinking, but I don't have "feelings" for Daniel anymore.
Ew.
Anna Freud might disagree with that.
What? Amanda, you're in denial.
Okay, I used to be all crushed out on Daniel.
I admit it.
But when I found these rings, it was finally real.
He's ready to commit just not to me.
You can't deny your feelings, Betty.
And I don't feel anything for Daniel, not anymore.
I am going to get this ring back to where it belongs before he finds out.
I promise.
Thanks.
'Scusey.
Hey, you don't know a Marc St.
James, do you? I hate that guy.
# They have Christmas # # down in Mexico # # A lot of places # # that you wanted to go # # They have something # # that you don't know # # Santa's gonna do the mambo, uh! # # Santa's doing the mambo # # this Christmas # # Santa's doing the mambo- # Amanda! Thank god you're here.
Are you packing heat? Always.
Amanda, I'm not flirting with you.
Does anyone here have a gun? Look around.
We're a bunch of unstable, hungry, back-stabbing bitches.
Do you really think anyone would sell us guns? Just relax.
Have a drink.
That's easy for you to say.
Your boss doesn't want you dead.
# Mambo, Santa, mambo # Oh, sorry.
Don't spill.
You might electrocute yourself.
I'm just joshing.
You look totally radiant.
Seriously.
Well, thank you.
You, too.
Hey, people actually look like they're having a good time and the office looks extraordinary.
Well, everything looks better when you dim the lights and drink a bottle of champagne, trust me.
You really pulled it off.
Thanks.
So does that mean you think I can do your job? Well, you're obviously smart enough.
You've proven that.
But that's not the problem.
Daniel needs somebody who's gonna be looking out for him, and I don't know if you've noticed, but his personal life tends to get in the way of his professional life.
What's Daniel doing with McSlutty over there? I thought things were getting serious with Charo.
Exactly.
I'll be right back.
Wait! Let me run interference with the trashionista tonight, see if I can't fill your shoes after all.
# Mambo, Santa, mambo # # So you wanna mambo, Santa, mambo # # Come and mambo if you can # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Mambo, Santa, mambo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Mambo, Santa, mambo # # Well, here comes Santa # # with eight reindeers # # He come every time about this year # # here is something # # that you don't know # a heart for Wilhelmina, courage for Marc and a brain for Amanda.
Marc? You never saw me.
Oh, crap.
Ow! Betty? Are you okay? Hi.
Oh, there it is! Just I was just making sure that everybody was being safe.
You know, office party hook ups and That's very responsible of you.
- You need some help? - Yeah.
Thanks.
Hey, you should come back to the party.
Uh, beauty is making snow angels.
Well, in the plastic snow.
I just came for this.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Have fun.
- You, too.
Santa, I've got a thing for men with beards.
Christina, that's a fake beard.
This way.
Oh, god, I thought it was bad enough watching Santa come down the chimney! Marc.
Well, hello there.
We've been looking all over for you.
Please come with us.
Love to.
There you are.
Here I am.
Doing a little research? Actually, I just, um, read it for the articles.
That's really funny.
You know, um I'm actually wearing those right now.
Daniel! Aah! Aah! I need you! There's a fire in the- Oh, screw it.
Just stop kissing that tramp! You are practically engaged.
Look at that.
Dry as a bone.
I'm sorry, Aerin.
You're-you're beautiful.
I know.
But I'm in love with someone else.
Her? 'Cause I'm sure the three of us could, uh, work something out.
Uh, no! Not-not her.
Whatever.
There's other men at this party, you know? I am so good.
Are you girls still playing that little game? This is not a game, papi.
You know, Gina's parents won a cruise to Alaska in a supermarket sweepstakes.
They're gone for a week.
Maybe you should give her a break.
You know, forgive, forget.
- A little holiday spirit? - Yeah, right.
Santa? Well, if it isn't the bitch who stole Christmas.
Ow! I think it's broken.
Well, I hope it was worth it.
Come on.
Why does it always have to be such a comp- competition with you, Gina? Why? Are you serious? Hilda, we have been competing ever since you stole my "electric youth" routine and won miss junior teen Queens.
I can never win with you.
I guess I should just stop trying.
Well, yeah.
Why don't you come inside? You need to get some ice on that.
Come on, we got eggnog and brandy.
It's a Christmas miracle! Well, will you give it to him already? Willie, please.
I didn't mean anything that I said, ever.
In fact, I will never say anything again, if that's what you want.
Merry Christmas, Marc.
Huh? What? This? It's a 2007-fresh off the lot.
It's Jody Pennette, Pennette auto mall.
This is bigger than my apartment.
Are you trying to, uh buy my silence? 'Cause that's a definite possibility.
So I think I found you your new assistant.
Really? Who? Well, this might come as a surprise to you, but it's Amanda.
Amanda who? Amanda-pretty blonde, kind of a bitch, sits at the big circular desk? Mmm nope.
Doesn't ring a bell.
I'm serious.
Look, Daniel, I wouldn't leave if I didn't know there was someone here to protect you.
And, tonight, Amanda proved that she can.
You're right.
She did.
So if you're serious about this, then I guess this is good-bye.
You've earned it.
I don't know what to say.
But thank you for everything.
I'm very proud of you, Betty.
You know, you've you're destined for bigger things than this.
Wait, so the other gifts, that wasn't you? Uh, what other gifts? Never mind.
Merry Christmas, Daniel.
Merry Christmas, Betty.
Sofia, hi.
Uh, I've got something to tell you.
You do take my breath away.
You make my heart beat faster.
You make my palms sweat.
But that doesn't mean I don't love you.
It means I do.
Sometimes your heart knows things your mind can't explain.
And my heart doesn't race for anyone else.
I love you, Sofia.
It's, um, Daniel, by the way.
Betty! Betty! Where are you going? Oh, I swear to god! - That is impossible! - No, it ain't.
Justin, does this need more glitter? Absolutely.
Oh, my god, okay, hold on show me.
Okay, you start over here.
Did hell freeze over? - Anyway, I just don't understand.
- You start at the middle Is there an easier way to do that? Well, I was gonna wait for it to melt, but, uh So Betty thinks you should be my new assistant.
Really? Yep.
I do, too.
Really? You're more than just a pretty face, Amanda, even I know that.
So what do you think, can we do this, work together? Absolutely.
Professionals.
Professionals.
Looks like I missed some party.
Ted Lebeau Hey, juanita, move your feet.
So what's eating you? Ha ha.
Hilda, what if I'm 45 and I've still never been on a plane? If you wanna fly on a plane, you're gonna fly on a plane.
You're a dreamer, Betty.
And look at you- you're 22 years old, you already work at "Mode.
" You can do anything.
Well, I sure hope you're right about everything.
What is that? Let me see.
Walter loves you so much, Betty.
I wish you could appreciate that a little bit more.
I do.
I just wanna know for sure.
You know, like like when you heart races and your palms sweat? Have you been drinking the Herbalux extreme energy tea? That's probably Walter.
Ho, ho, ho.
Hey, Walter, merry Christmas! Hey, uh how come your Christmas lights spell "Hilda sucks?" Don't ask.
So you're ready for your last present? Ta da! Walter! You? You've been Yeah, well, Daniel helped me sneak the other presents into the office.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
Hello.
Hi, is Betty there? - Yeah, who's calling? - It's Henry.
Her, uh friend from work.
Hello? Are you still there? Yeah, sorry, um Actually, you know, Betty's busy.
Can I take a message? Yes, please.
Tell her, about the party, uh You know what? I just wanted to let her know that Rudolph's on tomorrow night.
She can call me if she wants to watch it, you know together.
Uh, okay, I'll tell her.
Thanks, bye.
I know that you think I don't "get" your new life in Manhattan, but I wanna try.
I I wanna be a part of it.
Thank you.
Ooh, candy canes! Yummy.
Don't you just love Christmas?
Mr.
Suarez, you're under arrest.
We're having a party up on 25 with human resources if you're free.
Well, I-I'd love to go, Henry, but- - But you have a boyfriend.
- Yeah, I do.
Marc, can I have some privacy please? Come on, Willie.
We don't have any secrets, not anymore.
Come work for my magazine.
You'll have your own assistant within a year.
She told me about the job offer.
I would never stand in your way.
You didn't grow up wanting to be my assistant.
# It's a marshmallow world # # in the winter # # When the snow comes # Making a list? Checking it twice? A list? You know, naughty or nice.
Most people around here fit into the first category, but, you, Betty, you're always nice.
No, it's just Daniel's expense report.
I'm done.
Here.
# That's how it goes # # whenever it snows # # The world is your snowball # No way.
8,479? That's the exact number of stars visible from earth on an ideal night.
- How do you- - Just something I know.
Hey.
Is that mistletoe? No, it's just holly.
# In winter, # # it's a marshmallow world # Wow.
You know what, Betty? You're just the girl I've been looking for.
What time is it? Oh, my god.
I'm gonna miss my plane.
I'm gonna miss you.
It's been an amazing three weeks.
I know.
It's all been sort of intense.
Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
I think we should take a breather while I'm gone.
A breather? What are you talking about? Well, time to cool off, apart- just to make sure all this is real.
Oh, I know it's real, Sofia.
I love you.
Oh, Daniel, what do you know from love? Your heart racing palms sweating can barely breathe when you see me? Actually, yeah.
All of that.
Well, that's not love.
That is hormones, infatuation, good sex.
Look, this isn't just about sex, Sofia.
Although, it has been pretty good.
- Right? - Daniel.
Come on, I can see a life with you, Sofia.
Okay.
If this is all real, prove it.
Why don't you see other women while I'm gone? I'm giving you the green light.
I'm serious.
And if you don't get sweaty palms and all that when you're with them, then maybe this is real.
I'm not gonna cheat on you just to prove I love you.
That's- that's crazy.
Don't think about it as cheating.
Think about it as proving your theory.
See, I need you to convince me that there's only one woman that you feel this way about- me.
It was just a dream, girl.
Don't get too freaked out by it.
But I barely even know Henry.
I- I don't get it.
I have a boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you about my Jose Mendoza dreams? Ew.
That pimply guy who owns the bakery on 85th? He was really into the Herbalux digestive tonics.
Don't judge.
Anyway, about a month ago, I had this dream.
We were going at it in this big bowl of cake batter.
Never mind.
That's not the point.
Anyway, the point is, do you see us dating now? No, of course not.
You know why? Because it was just a dream, and dreams don't mean anything.
Yeah, but Henry isn't Jose.
It-it's different, and well, we did go on a date once.
Well, lunch.
Stop.
You go to the Pro Buy party with Walter tonight and just forget about it.
Hilda, I kissed Henry.
In your dream.
As long as you don't actually do anything, it's harmless.
Betty, we're all tempted sometimes, right? Just avoid this Henry guy, and everything will be fine.
Justin! Honey, let's go! - Hi.
- Hi.
That girl has the vocal cords of a large cat.
I heard that! And the ears of whatever animal hears best.
A dolphin.
It's just something I know.
Dad, did you check in with the immigration people today? Today, yesterday, tomorrow- isn't it enough that they dragged me away like a criminal? Just calm down.
I'm just trying to help you.
They sent me to some program called I.
S.
A.
P.
They're sending over a caseworker next month.
Do we have to talk about this right now? - Holidays should be about family.
- Hey, watch it! What? Accident- mom, Gina, Christmas tree.
Well, it's officially the start of the holiday season.
You ran over my Christmas tree.
Well, I was aiming for you.
Besides, you left it in the middle of the street.
I just took it off the tracker.
I had to put it somewhere when I opened the front door.
The street is public property, unlike this house which is not, so get out! You better watch out.
I know when you're sleeping, and I know when you're awake.
Oops.
Ho, ho, ho! You're late.
Love the crystal menorah next to the sterling silver Santa.
So taboo.
Don't you just love the holidays? They're fabulous.
So is Nico coming home for Christmas? She's spending the break with her father in Dubai.
Besides, you know Christmas mornings for me are all about - martinis and valium.
- Yummy.
You did not just take the whole wheat bagel.
You know I always eat that one.
So sorry, Wil.
I thought we were sharing everything now that I know about our mysterious friend.
Right? Right.
That is so wrong.
I know, believe me.
We've been consistently over budget every issue.
We had to cut costs somewhere.
- Boo! - Boo! Come on.
An office party at the office? Thall be fun.
Yeah, like waxing is fun.
Thank you for your enthusiasm, Betty.
Actually, Betty has something to be excited about.
She's been offered an amazing new position at "MYW," and I hope she'll consider taking it.
We'll be looking for her replacement.
Any of you interested, leave your résumé with Betty.
And that's it.
Thank you.
Daniel, what are you doing? Something you're far too loyal to ever do.
But if I leave, who's gonna take care of you? Well, I guess we'll just have to find someone as good as you.
Better get started.
Well, I could try, but if I don't find the perfect assistant, I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, there's not enough time- Betty, Betty, sometimes we all have to take leaps of faith.
You know, you being with Sofia is the best thing for you.
Speaking of Sofia, I'd like to see you in my office.
There's something I need to tell you.
Would it be inappropriate to throw a good-bye party and not invite her? You know who would be perfect for that job? - Anne Hathaway.
- No.
Me.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, love your confidence.
Wait a second.
Sofia wants you to go out with someone else? - That doesn't make any sense.
- I know, it's crazy.
She seems to think some other woman will make my palms sweat and my heart race the way they do for her.
Well, how do you know they won't? Look, I-I've never been good at being faithful, but no one has ever made me feel the way Sofia does.
In fact, I stopped by to see Nigel on the way to work this morning.
I'm through with being a bachelor for good.
Oh, my god.
Are you serious? I mean, congratulations.
That's great.
Look, I-I know what you're thinking, but I-it-it's like they say- Well, what do they say? When you know, you know, and I do know.
Well, I'm so happy for you, Daniel, and for Sofia.
Thanks.
You know, they are just on loan until I figure out which one is gonna be perfect for her.
Well, I'm very glad to hear that you have no intention of testing out her theory because I know how you get around beautiful women, and Belle Jolie is sending over their lingerie line today on their models.
Hello? Yeah.
Okay, I'll be right there.
Hey, Betty, I love your sweater.
Did you make it yourself? Amanda, look, I need to plan a "Mode"- worthy party for $500, get Daniel a new assistant and get Justin a signed photo of Lindsay Lohan in two days.
I'm kinda busy.
Well, today is, like, your lucky day.
Hire me.
You know you wanna.
Are you serious? After what you and Daniel have been through? What is the very first thing I ever said to you? "Are you the before?" Okay, the second thing.
"Are you delivering something? " Whatever.
The point is I wanted this job way before you or Daniel ever came to "Mode.
" I have a brain to go with this beautiful body, Betty.
- Yeah.
Okay.
- Look, I can prove it to you.
Let me help you plan the party.
I've got tons of connections.
Plus, I can get loads of free crap.
Well, I mean, I could use the help.
Okay, you're on.
Anything else? Oh, yeah.
Snow's here.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
I- It's you.
Henry, hi.
You got a little, um, right here.
Gosh, I'm sorry.
That-that was very unprofessional.
Uh, let me help you clean this up.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
Actually, Betty, you're just the girl I've been looking for.
Oh, no, um, I'm sure that there are other girls.
Uh, it's about the party? I'm supposed to oversee the budget, so guess I'll be on top of you for the next couple days.
Partywise.
Oh.
Right.
All right.
Okay.
Oh, crap.
The models are here.
Show them in.
Oh, no.
That's my ex-girlfriend Aerin.
She broke my heart.
She was my first.
First supermodel.
God, that girl knew how to- Hey.
Aerin, what are you doing here? Taking my clothes off.
Uh, could you give us a second? Sure.
Do you need me to stay? No, I'll be fine.
Just bring the rest of the models in.
Oh, right.
That's gonna help.
Amanda? No.
No.
No.
Amanda? No.
Daniel, um, I just wanted to let you know that your girlfriend's plane, uh, landed safely, and that, um, the photo department is ready for the models.
Okay, come on.
Okay.
Bye.
See you later.
# Now listen here, chipmunks # # to this advice # # You better be good # # and you better be nice # Betty, this is Ralph.
Wa! He's our store manager- the man whose job I one day aspire to hold.
No.
Good to meet you, Betty.
Hi.
And if anyone can fill these size 13s, it's Walter.
This is my wife Jackie.
- A pleasure.
- Nice to meet you.
Hey, Paulie, let's get one of all of us together, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Squeeze in.
There we go.
- Thanks.
- Got it.
Huh? Betty, welcome to the Pro Buy family.
Thank you.
Walter, should we let the lovely ladies chat? Stewie made an ice luge.
Bring it! Betty, honey, we have so much in common.
I used to work in Manhattan, too-advertising- before I married that adorable lug.
Oh, wow.
Do you still work in advertising? Mm-hmm.
Right here at Pro Buy.
The commute's a breeze.
I'm not one for lots of travel.
Never even been on a plane.
Do you miss it- Manhattan? Never.
You'll get tired of it, too.
We're Queens girls, Betty, born and bred.
We belong here.
Thanks.
Marc? Marc? Hello? It's me.
Have you come up with a solution to our little problem? You mean Marc? I'm working on it.
He won't be a problem much longer.
Do what you must to shut him up.
Don't worry.
After I'm done, he will be silenced permanently.
Princess cut canary Oh, my god.
- Shot? - Oh, thanks.
Jackie, can I ask you a question that's kinda personal? When did you know that Ralph was the one? From the first moment.
He took my breath away, still does.
When did you know with Walter? Well, you s-see, I'm-I'm not sure that I do yet.
Oh, don't worry, honey.
There will come a time, and you'll just know.
Yeah, I hope so.
For what it's worth, I've heard Walter's sure he's found the one.
Did you go to the funeral home? They never delivered a casket to the mausoleum.
A relative claimed Fey's remains in the morgue.
A relative? It's all I could dig up.
After all of this, Fey Sommers is really dead.
Good morning, sunshine.
Brought you a little present.
Whole wheat.
Too late.
Yesterday was carb day.
Of course.
So are you sticking around for the Christmas party later tonight? Unfortunately.
You'd better show up, too.
You never know what surprises might be in store.
By the way, Marc, what is your home address? W- why? Just sending a special delivery your way.
'Tis the season.
Seriously, I've read every issue of "Mode" ever.
Did you know Danny Meade dated Fergie back when she was on "Kids incorporated"? - Oh, wow.
- See? I am perfect for this job.
Okay.
We'll let you know.
- Not going so well? - Nope.
I don't even think the right person for this job exists.
Well, you never know.
Party update- I got us five cases of champagne "donated" by this bartender I know at Double Seven's.
A friend of mine who used to work at Lizzie Grubman's company got us six white Christmas trees left over from Diddy's party, and I used to date this sculptor guy- would you prefer the ice sculpture be the "Mode" logo or a snowflake? I would go snowflake.
Wow.
Snowflake it is.
So I guess you can stop all that boring interviewing then, huh? Look, Amanda, I really appreciate the help, but that doesn't erase you and Daniel.
You're just-you're not the right person for this job.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Betty? Ornaments.
Thought it might save you a couple dollars.
Thanks, but, uh, the budget's all set.
Amanda got us some amazing deals.
Seems like a lot of people owe her favors.
So basically, you don't even need me.
Nope.
Hey, did you know that the snow inside these was originally particles of gold foil? Sounds beautiful, right? I had never even seen real snow until I got off the plane in New York.
What? How? Oh, uh, I grew up in the desert.
Tucson.
I used to think all snow looked like gold foil till I got here.
Silly, huh? No, not at all.
Okay, "soccer ball, "renewed subscription to 'Martha Stewart living,' "karaoke video game, "for grandpa never to go away"? Oh, Justin, don't worry.
He's gonna be Who moved all our decorations? And what's Santa doing to that elf? This has the skank prints of Gina Gambarro all over it.
Well, you did run over her Christmas tree, and Christmas is a time of love and forgiveness.
Grow up, Tiny Tim.
This means war.
Well, I like the claymation Rudolph best.
You know they did that with puppets? They called it animagic.
Just something you know? Yeah, I have this weird talent for remembering useless facts.
Oh, no, it's not useless.
It's it's cute.
Thanks.
I've been meaning to ask, is this- No, uh, it's just holly.
Holly.
You know what? I need to get back to work so you should probably go.
- Uh, okay.
- All right.
Uh, I guess I'll see you at the party? Okay.
Here, take this.
What? It's an ornament.
Take it.
Hey, watch the hair.
I can explain.
Amanda, please just tell me that you met some rich, gorgeous stockbroker, you're engaged and you're running off to Paris together.
- Ooh.
- Amanda! What, like that's so impossible? That's one of Daniel's rings, isn't it? Take it off! We have to put it back before he notices! You know those things must be worth, like, hundreds of dollars.
It's stuck! Just help me get it off! Look, I know what you're thinking, but I don't have "feelings" for Daniel anymore.
Ew.
Anna Freud might disagree with that.
What? Amanda, you're in denial.
Okay, I used to be all crushed out on Daniel.
I admit it.
But when I found these rings, it was finally real.
He's ready to commit just not to me.
You can't deny your feelings, Betty.
And I don't feel anything for Daniel, not anymore.
I am going to get this ring back to where it belongs before he finds out.
I promise.
Thanks.
'Scusey.
Hey, you don't know a Marc St.
James, do you? I hate that guy.
# They have Christmas # # down in Mexico # # A lot of places # # that you wanted to go # # They have something # # that you don't know # # Santa's gonna do the mambo, uh! # # Santa's doing the mambo # # this Christmas # # Santa's doing the mambo- # Amanda! Thank god you're here.
Are you packing heat? Always.
Amanda, I'm not flirting with you.
Does anyone here have a gun? Look around.
We're a bunch of unstable, hungry, back-stabbing bitches.
Do you really think anyone would sell us guns? Just relax.
Have a drink.
That's easy for you to say.
Your boss doesn't want you dead.
# Mambo, Santa, mambo # Oh, sorry.
Don't spill.
You might electrocute yourself.
I'm just joshing.
You look totally radiant.
Seriously.
Well, thank you.
You, too.
Hey, people actually look like they're having a good time and the office looks extraordinary.
Well, everything looks better when you dim the lights and drink a bottle of champagne, trust me.
You really pulled it off.
Thanks.
So does that mean you think I can do your job? Well, you're obviously smart enough.
You've proven that.
But that's not the problem.
Daniel needs somebody who's gonna be looking out for him, and I don't know if you've noticed, but his personal life tends to get in the way of his professional life.
What's Daniel doing with McSlutty over there? I thought things were getting serious with Charo.
Exactly.
I'll be right back.
Wait! Let me run interference with the trashionista tonight, see if I can't fill your shoes after all.
# Mambo, Santa, mambo # # So you wanna mambo, Santa, mambo # # Come and mambo if you can # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Mambo, Santa, mambo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Shoo-be-doo-be-doo # # Mambo, Santa, mambo # # Well, here comes Santa # # with eight reindeers # # He come every time about this year # # here is something # # that you don't know # a heart for Wilhelmina, courage for Marc and a brain for Amanda.
Marc? You never saw me.
Oh, crap.
Ow! Betty? Are you okay? Hi.
Oh, there it is! Just I was just making sure that everybody was being safe.
You know, office party hook ups and That's very responsible of you.
- You need some help? - Yeah.
Thanks.
Hey, you should come back to the party.
Uh, beauty is making snow angels.
Well, in the plastic snow.
I just came for this.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Have fun.
- You, too.
Santa, I've got a thing for men with beards.
Christina, that's a fake beard.
This way.
Oh, god, I thought it was bad enough watching Santa come down the chimney! Marc.
Well, hello there.
We've been looking all over for you.
Please come with us.
Love to.
There you are.
Here I am.
Doing a little research? Actually, I just, um, read it for the articles.
That's really funny.
You know, um I'm actually wearing those right now.
Daniel! Aah! Aah! I need you! There's a fire in the- Oh, screw it.
Just stop kissing that tramp! You are practically engaged.
Look at that.
Dry as a bone.
I'm sorry, Aerin.
You're-you're beautiful.
I know.
But I'm in love with someone else.
Her? 'Cause I'm sure the three of us could, uh, work something out.
Uh, no! Not-not her.
Whatever.
There's other men at this party, you know? I am so good.
Are you girls still playing that little game? This is not a game, papi.
You know, Gina's parents won a cruise to Alaska in a supermarket sweepstakes.
They're gone for a week.
Maybe you should give her a break.
You know, forgive, forget.
- A little holiday spirit? - Yeah, right.
Santa? Well, if it isn't the bitch who stole Christmas.
Ow! I think it's broken.
Well, I hope it was worth it.
Come on.
Why does it always have to be such a comp- competition with you, Gina? Why? Are you serious? Hilda, we have been competing ever since you stole my "electric youth" routine and won miss junior teen Queens.
I can never win with you.
I guess I should just stop trying.
Well, yeah.
Why don't you come inside? You need to get some ice on that.
Come on, we got eggnog and brandy.
It's a Christmas miracle! Well, will you give it to him already? Willie, please.
I didn't mean anything that I said, ever.
In fact, I will never say anything again, if that's what you want.
Merry Christmas, Marc.
Huh? What? This? It's a 2007-fresh off the lot.
It's Jody Pennette, Pennette auto mall.
This is bigger than my apartment.
Are you trying to, uh buy my silence? 'Cause that's a definite possibility.
So I think I found you your new assistant.
Really? Who? Well, this might come as a surprise to you, but it's Amanda.
Amanda who? Amanda-pretty blonde, kind of a bitch, sits at the big circular desk? Mmm nope.
Doesn't ring a bell.
I'm serious.
Look, Daniel, I wouldn't leave if I didn't know there was someone here to protect you.
And, tonight, Amanda proved that she can.
You're right.
She did.
So if you're serious about this, then I guess this is good-bye.
You've earned it.
I don't know what to say.
But thank you for everything.
I'm very proud of you, Betty.
You know, you've you're destined for bigger things than this.
Wait, so the other gifts, that wasn't you? Uh, what other gifts? Never mind.
Merry Christmas, Daniel.
Merry Christmas, Betty.
Sofia, hi.
Uh, I've got something to tell you.
You do take my breath away.
You make my heart beat faster.
You make my palms sweat.
But that doesn't mean I don't love you.
It means I do.
Sometimes your heart knows things your mind can't explain.
And my heart doesn't race for anyone else.
I love you, Sofia.
It's, um, Daniel, by the way.
Betty! Betty! Where are you going? Oh, I swear to god! - That is impossible! - No, it ain't.
Justin, does this need more glitter? Absolutely.
Oh, my god, okay, hold on show me.
Okay, you start over here.
Did hell freeze over? - Anyway, I just don't understand.
- You start at the middle Is there an easier way to do that? Well, I was gonna wait for it to melt, but, uh So Betty thinks you should be my new assistant.
Really? Yep.
I do, too.
Really? You're more than just a pretty face, Amanda, even I know that.
So what do you think, can we do this, work together? Absolutely.
Professionals.
Professionals.
Looks like I missed some party.
Ted Lebeau Hey, juanita, move your feet.
So what's eating you? Ha ha.
Hilda, what if I'm 45 and I've still never been on a plane? If you wanna fly on a plane, you're gonna fly on a plane.
You're a dreamer, Betty.
And look at you- you're 22 years old, you already work at "Mode.
" You can do anything.
Well, I sure hope you're right about everything.
What is that? Let me see.
Walter loves you so much, Betty.
I wish you could appreciate that a little bit more.
I do.
I just wanna know for sure.
You know, like like when you heart races and your palms sweat? Have you been drinking the Herbalux extreme energy tea? That's probably Walter.
Ho, ho, ho.
Hey, Walter, merry Christmas! Hey, uh how come your Christmas lights spell "Hilda sucks?" Don't ask.
So you're ready for your last present? Ta da! Walter! You? You've been Yeah, well, Daniel helped me sneak the other presents into the office.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
Hello.
Hi, is Betty there? - Yeah, who's calling? - It's Henry.
Her, uh friend from work.
Hello? Are you still there? Yeah, sorry, um Actually, you know, Betty's busy.
Can I take a message? Yes, please.
Tell her, about the party, uh You know what? I just wanted to let her know that Rudolph's on tomorrow night.
She can call me if she wants to watch it, you know together.
Uh, okay, I'll tell her.
Thanks, bye.
I know that you think I don't "get" your new life in Manhattan, but I wanna try.
I I wanna be a part of it.
Thank you.
Ooh, candy canes! Yummy.
Don't you just love Christmas?