Up All Night (2011) s01e10 Episode Script

And here's me looking elated.
And here's me looking serene.
And here's me getting real.
I was thinking about the middle east.
It's intractable.
It's cool, right, McKenna? She's a little shy.
Oh, me too.
So this is gonna be fun today.
Should we check out the nerve center of the show where all the magic happens? Whatever.
"Whatever.
" You go, girl.
Oh, my God.
Hey, hi.
Pipes burst upstairs.
- I smell feces.
- It's not feces, honey.
- I smell feces.
- It's not feces.
- McKenna, wait out - But our offices are destroyed.
Someone needs to shut off the water main.
"Water main.
" He's such a man.
The other day at my home he used the words, - "load-bearing wall.
" - Amazing.
Don't worry, Ava.
- I'm saving your stuff.
- Great.
And don't forget to grab my gong, Missy.
Blessed by Steven Seagal.
Why is this happening? This is gonna kill the entire day.
This is gonna kill about a week.
- What? - You need to replace - all the ceiling tiles - Ceiling tiles.
- The drywall.
- Mm.
Dry.
The electrical system's probably shot to hell.
- Hell.
- Why does this stuff always happen to our show? I mean, do Ellen's pipes burst? No, they do not.
You know what, Ellen did this.
Oh, well played, Ellen.
- Reagan, Reagan.
- What? You are too wound up.
Go home, light your outdoor pool candelabras, put on your best rose gold jewelry, and take a two-hour nude swim.
- Okay.
- Hey, all.
We're gonna take the next few days off and run the best of Ava while some big strong men come in and fix things.
I got your That's the wrong gong, isn't it? Yeah.
This flood is the best thing that has ever happened to me, honey.
- Yeah.
- I mean, look at us.
We're on a weekday, and I'm strolling, man.
- Well - Look at all those suckers off to the rat race.
Not me.
I jumped that ship.
Hey, so you're still cool with me grabbing lunch with Dave today? Oh, yeah, absolutely.
You go see Dave.
You guys talk law and bust corporations.
Hashtag occupy, you know.
Yeah, don't left-wing tweet at me, please.
No, I'm kid I mean, in fact I was thinking of taking Amy to the park anyway.
Oh, that's a great idea.
Although, you know, she needs her nap in, like, 20 minutes.
She can be off-schedule for one day, come on.
Yeah, if you want to have a beelzi-baby.
A devil babe.
Oh, God.
What's with the weeds? - Sweet old Len.
- Is sweet old Len a ghost? Is that the house that sweet old Len murdered his family in? Len's an old man.
He likes his yard the way he likes it.
Yeah, I don't it's doing that thing where they're looking like baby trees, honey.
I hate that.
Yeah, but he served in Korea, so you might just want to let it go.
Well, it bugs me.
Okay, whatever.
Ooh.
Honey, I like you in a black blazer and a nice Jean.
Come on, babe, don't say Jean in the singular.
I hate that.
It's the first time I hung out with anyone from work since I left, so I want them to know that I'm still one of the guys.
Can you roll my back? Yeah.
So This is feeling pretty gratuitous.
Want me to do the front? Kind of no.
Come on.
Ooh, that junk drawer's a problem, honey.
You want me to clean it up while you're gone today? No, it's fine.
Yeah, you can't even close it.
You can if you force it a little bit.
And, plus, it's got all the stuff I need.
You need soy sauce packets, loose batteries, and Dracula teeth.
Don't worry about it.
Just take the day off.
I really don't mind.
- I'll go to the container store - I like it.
Okay.
All right? Plus, I need these for later.
'Cause I'm doing Okay aagh! Okay.
Have a good lunch, honey.
I'm just gonna clean it up just a little bit.
A little bit.
All right.
Oh, Chris t.
Brink's truck, back it up.
Here he is.
- Come on.
- I would just like a normal handshake.
- I'm not really good at - You did great.
Oh.
Bartender, may we have two scotches here? Wow, all right, mid-day scotches.
I like it.
It's been a while.
Dude, what's going on? How's the firm? She's a bitch, but she knows I like it rough.
- Yeah.
- Oh, you know what, we are back in court with your old Nemesis.
Gypsum textiles.
Those guys cannot stop dumping In the Colorado river, huh? It's like they hate nature.
Yeah, I got depositions all afternoon.
Oh.
Wow.
Man, I do not do not miss those.
Really? You were always so good at it.
Oh, here we go.
Thank you.
Cheers.
- You mind if I take a quick - Oh, no.
Yeah.
How's your day going? Oh, hey, honey.
Oh, you are going to be so proud of me.
Check this out.
Check.
This.
Out.
Okay, look at this junk drawer.
It's kind of a misnomer now, isn't it? Because there's absolutely no junk in there.
I mean, now we just call it drawer.
- Yup.
- Reagan, are you in need of some sort of medical attention? No, I'm just excited about being domesticated and stuff.
Check this out.
Look at this new system I have for folding Amy's laundry.
And, wow, that's a lot of wine you're pouring there, honey.
Are you okay? I just left Kevin and that daughter.
I couldn't make a connection.
I hate saying this about a little girl, but she's a real butt.
- Ava.
- With two ts.
McKenna is a butt.
Honey, this has got to be very difficult for her.
You are the new woman in her father's life.
It's very threatening.
It's true.
I'm a quadruple threat.
I sing, I act, I dance, I replace mothers.
She's actually very sweet.
You know her.
Maybe you can help make a breakthrough.
We have a lunch date tomorrow.
You want me and Chris to come? - Thank you.
- Okay.
I like Kevin so much.
He's so real, and the calluses on his hands are so rough.
When he touches me, I feel as though I'm being sandblasted.
We're coming.
We're coming.
- Okay? - Hey, what's up, ladies? - Hi.
- So - Hi, honey.
- How's the relaxing time going? A-mazing.
You, my darling, are going to be so proud of how I started to rock this house.
It's so much better.
Oh, yeah.
Was it bad before? No.
No, it wasn't bad.
It's just not as good as it is now.
May I present to you Amy's laundry 2.
0.
- You gap-folded everything.
- Yeah.
The way you were folding it was, like, leaving a crease.
At first I thought it was OCD.
You know, like Howie Mandel.
Right.
So you folded all of Amy's socks too? Yeah, I mean, I like your balling method, but it's just kind of messy.
So I just think folding's nicer.
Oh, is it nicer? Okay, well, you know, I ball 'em up like that so they stay together, and, that way, they match too.
Okay.
Show him the new junk drawer.
Oh, did you touch the junk drawer? 'Cause I distinctly remember saying something along the lines of "leave it alone.
" Yup.
"I like it that way.
" Remember that? - It's better.
- Wow.
You keep using the word "better".
And it's not really a big deal It's a drawer and some laundry.
- Okay? - Right.
See, thing is about your revolutionary folding method is that, just the slightest shake-up or slip, and, oh, no, we are left with a tedious hellscape of unmatched socks.
But when you ball them up, they stay together like this.
You get to do fun things like this.
Oh, that is fun.
It is fun.
But if you fold it, then you can do stuff like this.
Hmm? That's true.
But then again you get to do things like this.
Oh.
Unfolding them.
Well, those are falling flat.
You can't get any air.
But I can just keep doing that.
No, see oh, my God.
These don't match.
But now they do.
- Rapid-fire.
- That feels good.
That's like a little massage of baby socks.
I have way more many more socks because they're not in balls.
Never gonna stop.
You two, your lovemaking must be so playful.
That feels good.
That actually feels really good.
- You see what I can do there? - Yeah.
So, McKenna.
How do you like your new doll? My doll died.
Now, honey, are you sure she's not just sleeping? No.
It's dead.
They sell everything else here, maybe they sell baby doll coffins too.
- No? - McKenna, come on.
I'm sorry.
She's not usually like this.
Help me.
How about the three of us girls go over to the candy section and we just eat hot tamales until we freak out? - What do you say? Yeah? - Yay.
- Sounds fun! - Come on, let's go.
- Fun! - Okay.
So, uh, this is nice, right, you guys? Yeah, you know, I mean, Ava, she's Well, she's amazing.
- Yeah.
- Beautiful.
McKenna's not really making it easy, though.
It's tough.
It is tough.
What's what's with the low voice? I don't know.
Just feeling kind of competitive.
- What, with me vocally? - Yeah.
Yeah.
I get it.
It's very hypnotic.
It is hypnotic.
Uh-oh.
Looks like somebody made a mess.
I'm gonna get you cleaned up.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Reagan got to my diaper bag.
I keep the wipes in the main part 'cause, if you try to jam 'em in the front, then they just the lid pops open, - and then what do you got? - Dry wipes.
These things are not supposed to be exposed to air, you know.
Diaper time's tough enough without somebody jacking up your wipes.
Reagan's going back to work in three days.
I just got to keep it together till then.
You know what, you're doing good, bro.
Just stay strong.
You're doing the voice thing again.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You know what always amazes me? Is how many gummi objects that they have.
The Germans pronounce it goomee.
Hey, McKenna, what's your favorite subject in school? Uh, science.
Really? And I also like music, I guess.
Did you know that Ava's a musician? Well, I had a couple of R&B hits.
And one crossover.
It was a country duet with Kenny Rogers.
I'm really big in the red states.
Whenever I go to Branson, I need a huge security detail.
I have to sing at this recital at my school.
I don't want to do it.
Oh.
What? You don't have to sing.
I'll go to your school, and I'll sing for you.
No, what I was thinking, Ava, is that you could mentor McKenna.
You know, give her some tips, huh? Yes.
McKenna, I would love to help you if you want.
You could spend the afternoon in my music room.
That could be fun.
Okay.
Yes.
Thank you.
Okay, hon, you were sampling before.
Now you're just stealing.
Oh, my God, I don't think the whole [Bleep.]
Doll store just heard you.
What are those? Those are my gold records.
They're like Olympic medals? Better.
Because I won them for things people really care about Music and sales.
Can we just get real for a sec here? I really like your dad, and I want to help you so that he'll like me back.
I know you like him, 'cause, when you're around him, you get a sweat mustache.
Yeah.
Well, come on.
Let me hear your song.
All right.
Stand over here.
Okay.
Oh, when the saints, oh, when the saints go marching in, go marching in oh, when the saints go marching in Horrible, right? No, no.
There's little things we can do.
I stink.
I'm gonna make a fool of myself.
You wouldn't understand.
Oh, no? I'd like to show you something.
Please escort me to my apple home computer.
Oh! Dude, I mean, not to be rude, but where did you get your law degree? Dillweed university? Hey, ever since you took your permanent vacation, I've been carrying twice the workload.
Yes, I know.
Which is why I went to my home office and I whipped you up this.
- You wrote me a brief? - Yeah.
- And it's really good.
- Oh.
I could kiss you on the lips.
I don't think you have the guts to do it.
You better think about it now 'cause here comes that kiss.
- You ready for it? - Do it.
- It's gonna happen.
- Do it.
Dude, come back to the firm.
We need you.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
All right.
All righty.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's gonna be so much better.
Yes.
Oh, hey, hi.
'Sup? Hey! What are you doing there? I'm just cleaning up a little bit, 'cause your weeds were getting a little crazy.
I can take care of my own lawn.
Oh, I know you can, but you don't.
- So - I need you to get off my property.
I'm actually in the street, sir.
Go on.
Get out of here.
If you're saying, "go on.
Get out of here," to these weeds, then that is what is gonna happen to them, because you got to trust me on this, okay? I have a vision.
This is so much better.
Okay, okay.
You don't need to wave that at me.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm out.
I'm out.
Buh-bye now.
Buh-bye.
No harm in taking a few of these.
All right.
Buh-bye now.
Okay.
No.
Hey, honey.
Just got back from a nice walk with Amy.
Why is Brendan Shanahan in the garbage? Because Brendan Shanahan was blocking an air-conditioning vent.
- So - We just saw Len.
We thought he was having another heart attack.
Reagan, what did you do to Len? I didn't do anything to Len.
Oh, my God, you cut Len's weeds.
Why is it such a big deal? Come on, guys.
So I cut a crazy guy's weeds.
He lost a toe at war.
If it wasn't for him, we'd all be speaking Korean right now.
Oh, give me a break, Terry.
I'm gene.
Oh Although, babe, I did ask you to drop the Len thing.
I don't know why you just You won't let things go.
Amen, brother.
Finally.
She's a bossy pants.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Babe, did you see what just happened there? I almost high-fived gene.
This is my worst nightmare come true on stage.
I've never even watched it.
- Ladies and gentlemen - I was performing at a fundraiser in front of the President of the United States.
Mr.
President.
I had performed live hundreds of times, but never in front of so many statesmen and stars of stage and screen.
luck, be a lady tonight luck, be a baby, let's fight luck Bubble, shoelace Teriyaki luck fly a ghost plane to mount Fuji Wow, this is way worse than I remember.
Oh, God, Antonio Banderas.
There's nothing more painful than scorn from a golden globe nominee.
You know, you're being a real butt right now.
I'm sorry.
That was the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to anyone, and I'm still standing here in what I'm told is a Hollywood regency-style drawing room.
You see, performing is only a little bit about talent.
It's all about facing your fear.
If you don't want to perform, then don't.
But if you want to do it, then please don't back out because you're afraid.
- I want to do it.
- Great.
I was hoping you would say that after that wonderful speech.
It's all so different.
You don't sit there.
You're always there.
And what what were you gonna do with this box of Amy's things? You would just get rid of it like you did with Brendan Shanahan? I mean, babe, Shanny? I'm just trying to help.
I came home to get changed, and my closet is unrecognizable.
My pants are where my cas shirts used to be.
And what gives you the right to go to my side of the closet and install a tie robot that I can't even work? Push the button three times.
Oh, my God, did you rearrange the power strips? That was about to burst into flames.
In my mind.
But honestly I really don't know what the big deal is.
It's all cause of this.
Am I being subpoenaed? Oh, God, I should have known.
I was helping Dave with his case, and it was terrific, and I just.
Babe, I'm a really good lawyer.
What are you saying, Chris? You want to go back to work? No.
But not because I couldn't or that they don't want me to, but because I do this now.
And I love this.
And this is my identity.
And you got to let me have this.
And I'm not perfect, and the garden that is all of this is gonna have some flowers and it's gonna have some weeds, and I know that it's gonna drive you crazy sometimes, babe, but you got to let me have my weeds.
Okay? I'm so sorry, honey.
You are doing such a great job.
- Am I? - No, you are amazing.
And that metaphor with the garden, - that's really - I knew there was something in there with Len and the weeds and stuff No, I got that.
It was good.
Really good.
The way you came over there and just dropped the documents down on the table, it was just very Atticus Finch, honey.
I'm not kidding when I say that is the greatest thing you can say to a lawyer.
- Where are you going? - Going over here.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm so nervous.
That's because you're about to do something great.
What's their deal? They're b-boys.
Look at 'em.
They're such nerds.
You got this, Kenna.
I'll see you.
Be great.
These b-boys are killing it.
Yeah, they're not that great.
No, they're awesome.
God, why am I putting McKenna through this? Why did I have a kid? I mean, you bring them into this world, and then they're out on a stage all alone.
Let's go get her.
I'm pulling her out of this.
We can homeschool her.
I can teach her to build things, and you can sing.
Stop.
You are a man.
You can make skyscrapers with your bare hands.
Now suck it up.
luck, be a lady tonight luck, be a lady tonight luck, if you've ever been a lady to begin with luck, be a lady tonight luck, let a gentleman see how nice a dame you can be I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with luck, be a lady with me Whoo! Thanks, Ava.
Look, I know that I can come off as controlling, but I honestly was just trying to help, and I have great respect for your lawn and especially for what you and your brethren did on that cold Korean peninsula that's sadly now divided.
Wrap it up.
I just wanted to say I'm very sorry, Len.
Len? He's dead.
Chris, he's dead.
I've killed him.
I was just resting my eyes.
I'm sorry.
Thanks for the lemonade.
It's iced tea.