10 Things I Hate About You s01e11 Episode Script

- Previously On "10 Things i Hate About You" - it's first day of school, so Rummber the most import things, don't get pregnet.
Bye, dad.
-You *** at school.
I'm chasity.
this is my Boyfriend, Joey Donner.
Who is Captain Intensity over there? Patrick Verona.
People say he knows the taste of human flesh.
Please.
My name's Cameron.
I'm so lucky to have met you.
You're my first GBF.
- What A GBF? - Gay best friend.
People are not scared of me.
Sure they are.
That's why I find you interesting.
Maybe I'm a really bad boyfriend.
You're, like, the perfect boyfriend.
All this time we've been friends, you've liked me? I've loved you.
I don't feel the same way.
You have no right to do that.
Bam.
They're making us wear uniforms.
So you don't give a damn that we no longer have the rights that are guaranteed to us in the Bill of Rights? What's the point? It's not like we can change it.
Be quiet, please.
Shut up and listen to her.
Joey and I broke up.
I cut him loose.
Come back here with that, or you're suspended, too.
Then I guess I'm suspended.
You sure about this? No.
But I'm doing it.
Hey, Kat.
It's your sister calling from a deserted parking lot.
Oh, hello, creepy man in a van.
I don't need a ride.
My sister's picking me up.
Thanks.
Call me.
Hey, Fivehead.
Do you need a ride home? Joey, we can't be seen together.
Chastity has vowed to dismember the girl who kissed you, and our make-out sessions won't be nearly as fun if I have no arms.
This sucks.
I just want to shout from the rooftops- I'm dating Bianca Stratford! That is so sweet, but could you just mouth it? Okay, I have a simple two-step plan to get us through this.
Step 1, we date in secret.
Joey.
Oh.
Doing them now.
Step 2, we track down the surveillance tape of our make-out session before Chastity sees it.
Cool.
We could watch it together.
So we can erase it.
That's good, too.
No bad ideas.
Oh, God.
Get down.
Hi, Chastity.
Hop in, B.
I'll give you a ride.
We can play a game.
It's called Top 10 Ways to Torture the Skank Who Kissed Joey.
I'll go first.
Waterboarding, duh.
TP her locker? Lame.
Put semi-permanent green dye in her sham-- Mm-mm.
Throw her in the ocean in a meat bikini.
I love it.
I can't believe I just did that! I can't believe I just walked out of school! It was so exciting.
I wonder if Gandhi ever felt like this, so alive, so inspired, so-- Hot.
We took a stand.
Uh-huh.
We told the establishment to stick it.
Yeah, yeah, we're heroes.
Let's go in.
Hell, no.
And I thought you were a tough guy.
I'm suspended.
My dad is going to kill me.
I am so stressed out about this Chastity thing, I can't even enjoy the fact that Dad is going to kill you.
Hi.
Dad, I'm so glad you're home.
Relax.
I just got here.
Hi, honey.
Hi, Daddy.
So I heard some good news today.
I heard someone got suspended.
Who was it again? Oh, that's right.
It was you.
What are you doing? Don't you know it goes on your permanent record? I thought you were going to drop this.
I was going to, but-- But what? What happened in between me ordering you back into school and you walking out of it? I had to stand up for my principles.
They were hassling some guy.
Guy? There's a guy now? Do you know this guy? What guy? Some guy.
Some-- Some poor kid.
Oh, a kid.
They were going to search his backpack.
Someone had to intervene before they performed a full-body cavity search.
This is America, not Xinjiang.
Do you notice that this isn't China or Tibet or Cambodia? But there is an emperor here, and it's me.
Who, incidentally, taught me to think for myself.
Oh, no.
You can't blame me for this.
You broke the rules.
You're going to have to deal with the consequences.
I know.
I'm suspended tomorrow.
No, these consequences.
You're painting the living room tomorrow.
Just in case you don't get into a college, now you'll have a skill to make a living.
Okay, does the back of this girl's head look like the back of mine? No.
She doesn't have enough- What do you call them? Natural highlights.
Natural, sure.
What are you doing? All that Chastity knows about Joey's mystery girl is she's blonde and thin, so I'm assembling a list of suspects.
Once Chastity sees how huge it is, she'll be overwhelmed and give up.
Thank God we live in California.
Here's a thought.
If you didn't do anything wrong, why not just tell the Satanic Smurfette the truth? Like you did? i did? Dad, they were totally going to search some poor kid's bag, so I had to stand up for his rights and ride off into the sunset with him on the back of his bitchen motorcycle.
Bianca, I was standing up for our constitutional protections.
Oh, my God.
Shut up.
You're like a live feed from CNN.
So I told Bianca I need time to get over her, then I turned and walked away without looking back.
Yes, yes, I was hoping you wouldn't look back.
Good for you, bro.
You finally told her off.
When you say it like that, it sounds harsh.
Now I feel bad.
Maybe I should apologize.
After all, it's not her fault she doesn't love me back.
Dude, if you really want to get over Bianca, stop making excuses and get angry.
Did you learn anything from your parents' divorce? I'm not angry.
I'm just hurt and disappointed, and for some reason, I can't listen to the radio.
Bianca rejected you, okay? You gave her your heart, and she riverdanced over it, then made out with the quarterback of the football team.
And you want to apologize? Not that much anymore.
Oh.
Hey, Cameron.
How are you? Very well, thank you.
Yeah, buddy.
Yes! Hey, bestie.
I found out where they keep the surveillance tapes.
You did? Oh, goodie.
They're locked in the AV closet.
I tried to bribe the janitor to open it, but he's afraid he'll lose his job.
Like there aren't a million other bathrooms to clean out there.
Well, darn it.
I guess we'll never get the tape, then.
Well, that's what I thought, until I remebered that that tall nerd person friend of yours is king of the AV club.
Get the key from him, okay? I'd do it myself, but I don't want to look petty and vindictive.
You cannot come in.
If my dad sees you here, his head will explode, and then I'll have to repaint.
Your dad's at work.
How's he going to see me? Hidden cameras? Yes.
Come on.
I'll help you paint.
It's the least I can do.
After all, you did get suspended for me.
Don't flatter yourself.
I got suspended for my principles.
I just fled the scene with you.
Really? Because I think I'm not kidding.
I can't mess around.
You don't get the point of being suspended at all.
Day off, no school.
It's like a vacation.
This is not a vacation.
After I paint this entire room, I have to study for an English test I was supposed to take.
If you get suspended on a test day, you get a zero.
Dem's da rules.
A zero? No.
They'll just have to make an exception.
I don't think they do that.
Not that I've ever tried.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I can't get a zero.
That'll bring down my whole GPA, and on top of the suspension-- Why did I do something so stupid? I have ruined my entire life, my whole future.
I won't get into Brown.
I won't be able to protect civil liberties and crusade against injustice.
And I can't even be a house painter because I suck at it.
Don't you think you're overreacting? It's your first day as a painter.
You'll get better.
I'm just kidding.
If this test is that important, then just break into school and take it.
How am I going to do that? With my help.
I'm not so sure about this.
What if somebody recognizes me? Don't worry.
With that hood and glasses, they'll just think you're a celebrity.
Whoa, check it out, dudes.
It's Patrick Verona.
And he brought our favorite freedom fighter, the Dalai Mama.
Really? Me, your favorite? Because of you getting your protesting back out, we got to empty our lockers, all full to brimming with sweet hydro.
That's exactly what I was fighting for-- Your stash.
Could you guys get in and grab the wheel, please, before the BKWs catch us? We need passage.
The southwest hall is clear.
How do you know? There's an app for that.
Bianca.
Joey.
Bianca, I got your text.
How'd you get out of class? I told the teacher I was itching.
God, you're pretty.
Thanks, but that's not why I need to talk to you.
We have an emergency.
Step 2 of our plan is about to go off the rails.
Step 2.
Destroying the security tape.
Are we done with step 1? No.
Step 1 is like the Olympic torch- It's always going.
Now listen-- I need you to get into Cameron's pants.
He's gay.
It shouldn't be that hard.
To steal his keys.
That's what I thought.
He has gym next period.
Steal his keys.
Get them to me.
I'll get the tape, erase it, then you slip his keys back into his pants before the class ends.
Do I need to write this down? I don't mean to diss on your plan, because it's really complicated and awesome, but why can't you just ask him for the keys? Because he's mad at me.
Long story.
Strange.
But listen, we need to act fast.
If we don't, Chastity will, and then we'll have to move to Bolivia.
Calm down, Five-o.
No one's moving to Africa.
I'll get you those keys.
Oh, Joey.
Bianca.
School police.
I need to see that hall pass.
This watermark looks like it was made with diet soda.
Do I look like an idiot to you? You Out from yurs class to make out with your boyfriend? Just the last ten minutes.
Besides, it's history.
I already know how it ends.
Everyone dies.
Aren't you supposed to be painting the living room? I have to take an English test.
You broke into school to take a test? You are so weird.
Hi, I'm Joey, Bianca's boyfriend.
We should double sometime.
Joey, we're dating in secret.
Bianca, I think they know.
I was never here.
You Stratford sisters are a strange breed.
Kat? Aren't you suspended? Would I be here if I were suspended? No.
I'd be home watching Oprah.
Did you know I was once an audience member on her show? You don't say.
They gave us all a pair of these tennis shoes that firm your butt just by wearing them.
That Oprah deserves the Nobel prize.
She is a saint.
Are you trying to steal my keys? No, no, I was just admiring them from a-close.
Okay, look.
Bianca told me that you guys are kind of in a fight.
Yeah, well, I don't want to talk about it-- Especially with you, Joey Donner.
I'm sorry.
I understand.
Well, not really, but Bianca needs your help.
Does she, now? Yep.
See, there's this security tape, and I'm supposed to get your key, so-- Wait a minute.
Let me check my notes.
Keys out of pants.
Get the keys to Bianca, who destroys tape, then go-- Are you done? I have a rope to climb.
Okay, man to man.
Me and Bianca, we're making out on a tape that's locked in the AV closet.
We need to get the said tape before Chastity sees it and bad things happen.
So I'm just a part of her master plan? Yeah, but you're not supposed to know.
Oh, and don't tell anybody that we're dating.
I always forget step 1.
So you're dating now? Well, congratulations.
Thanks! Hey, thought-- How about you snag the tape for us? That makes it so much easier.
Sure, bro.
I'll get you the tape.
And then I'll even sweeten it up, with a little Jay-Z and some cool effects.
And then I'll wrap it in a heart-shaped box, filled with rose petals and wishes.
Don't bother.
We're just going to erase it.
But thanks.
Up top.
Academic catastrophe averted.
I took the test.
Actually, I aced the test.
Incense, my ass.
I know my incense.
I got five different types of incense in my bathroom.
I got sandalwood, old school musk You've been wanting to do that all day.
Let's get out of here.
I still have to finish painting the living room before my dad gets home.
Someone's coming.
Shut up.
Let's go.
Hey, you.
Motorcycle man.
You shouldn't be here.
Today was fun.
You want to run? Okay.
I got you.
Oh! You.
- You Tell Cemron that we dating? - I had to call an audible.
- No.
- He must be so upset.
Not at all.
In fact, he wanted to do this whole soundtrack thingie.
Uh-oh.
Chastity's at 6:00.
Now 7.
She's at 8.
I can't tell time this fast.
Hang up the phone.
Great news, B.
Your nerd boy? He got me the tape.
He gave it to you? You don't want to watch this.
Uh, yeah, I do.
I do.
It's already cued up.
I wish we had popcorn.
No, I don't want to wait the three minutes.
Chastity, listen, there's something I need to talk to you about.
It's not that big of a deal.
There she is.
I will never forget those roots.
Ugh.
Listen, Chastity, I want you to know that this shouldn't affect our friendship in any way, because what you're going to see is not-- Damn it.
Security system's crap.
Stupid public school.
I guess we'll never know who she is.
It'll just remain one of life's mysteries, like Fergie's age.
I can't be the only person who saw them.
I mean, you know what? We'll start interrogating people.
Eventually, some nut will crack.
Chastity, can you just explain to me one teeny, tiny thing? You dumped Joey.
Why do you care who he kissed? Because-- Because it's humiliating.
It didn't even take him a day to get over me.
When he kissed that sloor, he probably still had the taste of my strawberry ultimate shine lip quencher on his mouth.
Whoever that girl is, she can't compare to you.
You are the most popular girl at this school.
You're the youngest head cheerleader in the history of Padua High.
You are Chastity freaking Church.
You're right.
You're right.
I'm me, and she is nothing.
A nobody.
A nasty, mangy piece of garbage.
Okay.
Thank you for reminding me how amazing I am.
I am so glad we're besties.
Air hug.
Oh, and give that back to nerd boy.
What's your deal? Is someone paying you to ruin my life, or is something clinically wrong with you? Dad, I had to-- Not another word.
What did she do now? Today's stunt was breaking into school.
To take an English test.
Hush.
They were going to give me a zero.
I said-- Wait, what? You broke into school to take a test? I know.
It's weird.
And it's going to cost you another mark on your permanent record.
So let me get this straight.
You're going to punish my daughter for trying to get a good grade? Well, I'm sure as hell not going to reward her for breaching our costly, yet apparently crap, security system.
Come on.
If this is the way you treat a good student, what do you do with the bad ones? Chain them up to break rocks during recess? Just because she's a good student doesn't mean she's good.
She's in my office more than that boy that randomly bites other kids' necks.
Damn this vampire craze.
Look, Kat is many things- Stubborn, intractable, relentless-- Annoying, trouble-making.
Pardon me, Principal Holland, but if anyone's going to insult my daughter, it's going to be me.
This girl is a great kid.
She's smart and soulful, generous and good-hearted.
She's determined to make a difference in the world, and she will.
I'm sure of it.
Yesterday, when she walked out, yes, she broke the rules, but it was 100% the right thing to do.
She was just defending a poor kid against authority figures who prefer to scare kids into submission, rather than inspire them to greatness.
I got the other one.
Man, he's fast.
Well, well, well.
Here's that poor kid now.
That poor, defenseless kid.
Cameron, thanks for erasing the tape.
Consider that your last favor.
Look, I'm so, so, so sorry.
I wanted to tell you about Joey, but you weren't speaking to me.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I thought you were this sweet, innocent girl from Ohio, who thinks about puppies as she falls asleep.
But now I see you're this ruthless vixen who will step on anyone to get what she wants.
In fact, I bet you hate puppies.
I love puppies.
Not falling for that again.
Hey, B.
You want some fro-yo? I got a huge one because I feel like celebrating me.
Mm, whoever invented sprinkles deserves a gold star.
Mm.
Chastity, I have something to tell you.
I'm so glad we've become friends, real friends, which makes this so much harder to say, but I have to be honest with you, no matter what happens.
Uh, well, consider the suspense built.
I'm the one who kissed Joey.
So that went well.
The test grade counts, the suspension's been lifted, and Principal Holland admitted that she didn't have a concussion in front of witnesses.
Thanks to you, I'm still an Ivy League candidate.
You're also a liar.
What? This whole time, you've been telling me this is about your principles.
You forgot to mention your principles drive a motorcycle.
So it was Patrick's bag.
That's not why I left.
The school violated several Constitutional amendments.
Dad! Kat! Just get in the car and drive.
What is going on? Why are you covered in sprinkles? Just drive.
Go, go, go.
Chastity is coming.
Oh, I will see you at school tomorrow!