Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e11 Episode Script

(clock chiming)
(thunderclap)
(thunder crashing)
Ahh!
(baby crying)
(growling)
(children screaming)
(laughing)
Wrong again!
(thunderclap)
(record needle
scratching)
(laughing)
I love Styrofoam,
it's so versatile.
Krumm, don't eat
my decorations.
Calm down.
I cannot calm down,
my father is coming.
Everything has to
be just disgusting.
Uh, he won't care.
Mine wouldn't.
Why would he, your father
is a mold farmer.
Yup, he's the
best mold farmer
in the whole
dump, hee.
Oh, I wish my father
were a mold farmer.
But no I had to be the
son of the great Slickis,
the most ghastly graduate
this school ever had.
Try living
up to that!
Who says you have to?
Nobody.
Certainly, not me.
We're all different, right,
I mean, he's this great hero
like his dad and his dad before
him, and I'm just me.
Did you know Ickis' father
can retch in 28 languages?
Now that's talent.
And he virtually invented
the deep-wailing screech!
You know more about his
father than he does.
It must be so inspiring to
have a father who is a VIM!
Huh?
Very Important Monster!
I wish he was more father
and less important.
As you all know, the trick
in coming from under the bed
is timing and, of course, that
pesky element of surprise.
Ahh!
(all cheering)
That's my dad, always
has to make an entrance.
(cheering)
Oh, Slickis, brilliant,
simply brilliant!
I saw it coming,
of course.
But still it
was masterful.
(chanting "Slickis")
Slickis, Slickis,
Slickis, Slick
Ickis, my boy.
(clamoring)
(loud barking)
Slickis, my friend, an
agonizing pleasure as always.
How long has it
been 3-400 years?
Aw, can't be.
I adored
the entrance.
Reminded me of that
little number you did
on your
graduation night.
Oh, yeah, that was
a good one, wasn't it?
Yes, we'd love to see it,
if you don't mind.
(all cheering)
(man)
We're here
at the 14th.
A tough par two through
the clown's mouth.
Here's Dad--
he's shooting six over
after taking a penalty
on the windmill.
(screaming)
That's what I call
a scare par excellence.
(cheering)
Yeah, ever since then they've
called it The Bermuda Triangle.
(all oohing)
Amazing, you scared an entire
geographical location.
Well, it was
mostly water.
Please, do not let me
take you away from
this installment of tales
of the great Slickis.
Why did you
"wook" out?
Why did I "wook" out--
look at him!
Going on and on,
who cares about
the Bermuda
Triangle anyway?
You can't even see it.
Hey, son, what do you say we
go some place for a slime pie.
Really?
Really.
Sure.
Great.
Hey, you guys
wanna come?
Love to.
While we're at it,
hey, everybody,
slime pies on me.
(excited chattering)
Hurry up, Ickis,
slime pies.
Go ahead, I'm gonna
stay here.
Why?
I'm just not
in the mood.
So your father won a few
ribbons and trophies
and plaques and trophies
and more trophies and--
All right, already!
So what if he's better
at everything!
You think I care?
Stop acting like
a spoiled monster.
It's not my fault.
You see what
happens.
There's always
a crowd.
Why can't it ever just
be my dad and me.
I don't know, but
you are certainly
not going to find
out by avoiding him.
You're not even
giving him a chance.
Ickis, over here.
Yo, Sparky,
meter's running.
Take your best shot
or step aside.
Okey-dokey.
(screaming)
Oh, tough split.
How 'bout you, son?
Don't you like
this game?
Like it,
I live for it.
I was born with
a Gorblat in my mouth.
(grunting)
Yoo-hoo, wow, oh, dad,
look, I did it!
I did it, I did it!
(laughing)
Oh, it is so good to see
you back on the lanes.
How about showing us some
of your famous moves.
Aw, come on, man,
give me a break.
Please, for the
old alma mater?
(chanting "Slickis")
If you don't mind,
the whirling
double-back
cross-cross.
Well, if you
insist.
(all cheering)
So we got the whole
night ahead of us,
what should we do?
I don't know.
We could Gorblat
some more.
Sharpen up your game.
Thanks, I've had enough
Gorblats for one day.
We could go up
top and forage.
I'm not hungry.
Okay, well, uh we could
just sit here and talk.
Let's go scaring.
What?
Let's go scaring.
I could show you
what I learned.
Great idea, boy,
who should we scare?
Shall we?
Come on, son, think
of the possibilities.
Dirt flying
everywhere.
Humans screaming and one
really confused houseplant.
Too easy.
Wow, it must be
wild out there.
(cheerful chattering)
We could do some real
damage here, son.
Two for the
price of one.
You should get
out more.
(rhythmic chanting)
This is more
like it.
You know, if we hurry,
we can still
catch that
baby shower.
Hey, listen, I want
a challenge.
If you're not up to it,
I'll do it alone.
No, no, no, no,
we're gonna do this
together, just
like we planned.
I know what
I am doing.
I'm sure you do, I just wanna
make sure that you can--
I do not need your advice,
I can handle it.
Move it out!
You got lead in
your delicates?
(rhythmic chanting)
Now that's a scare.
No way.
Yes, way!
(rumbling)
You can't scare
that guy.
He's completely protected
by that-that-- that thing.
You think I'm gonna
chicken out
just because
it's solid steel,
weighs five tons
and has really,
really big wheels, ha!
Kiss my ears!
Ickis, come back!
I can't see a thing
through this.
Are we there yet?
Not yet!
There's a whole
battalion over there,
why don't we just--
Dad, I can
handle this.
But, but--
This is my scare,
out of the way!
Prepare to
be petrified.
(snarling)
Prepare to be
paralyzed.
(growling)
Prepare to
(screaming)
Dad!
Are we there yet?
Do I have to say
it again?
Not yet!
Get used to it,
I'm a failure.
I'm never gonna be
the monster you are.
Aw, come on, son.
Good afternoon,
my petite pusmongers.
We have a rare
treat in store.
It has come to my attention
that Slickis and his son
have gone on
a scare together.
I'm sure they would
be delighted
to share this with us.
Um
Let's give them a little
encouragement, shall we?
(chanting "Slickis")
Slickis, Slickis,
Slickis.
What are we
doing here?
Just waiting to
be humiliated.
(The Gromble)
Ickis?
What is it, sir?
Um
I-- I-- I'll I don't
wanna hog everyone's time.
Very well, then.
Slickis, would you
be so kind?
(growling)
Quack!
(screaming)
Ohh!
Whoa, yes, uh,
well ahem.
This is most unusual.
I think under the
circumstances, we should--
yes, and moving
right along
I can't believe that
was you, you stunk.
Well, everybody's gotta
start somewhere.
Yeah, but you're
the great Slickis.
I never thought
of you
as a nerdy little piece
of monster fluff like me.
That's the point.
I didn't start
out this good.
It takes time.
I'll say.
You gotta have faith
in yourself, kid.
You know, you got
all the makings
of a truly loathsome
monstrosity like me.
You think so Dad?
Absolutely.
You know, you got more
than my big ears, kid.
Hey, did I ever
tell you
about the time I tried
to scare a faucet?
No way.
Yes, way.
No way!
I'm climbing up
through the pipes.
Through the hair,
through the toothpaste.
Through the mucus.
All the spit
(howling)
(screaming)
(monster)
Leaving so soon?
(maniacal laughing)
(birds twittering)
(woman)
I can't believe how
big this house is.
I know, honey,
but it's a little
out of our
price range.
All this space
for only $60,000.
It's a bargain.
(howling)
What was that?
Um I didn't
hear anything.
It's just the wind,
we can fix that.
Of course, it
will cost us.
Perhaps I can get
the owner to lower
his price to
say $50,000?
Mrs. Landers, there's
some kind of green slime
coming out of
the walls.
Uh, slime?
Honey, it's
just humidity.
I've never seen
humidity do that.
Probably cost us a fortune
to take care of, though.
Yes, um, how would
$40,000 sound to you?
(crashing)
Honey, for goodness sakes,
this place is haunted.
Do you have any idea
how much a good
exorcism goes
for these days?
Yes, yes, I do,
they're expensive.
$30,000 but that's
my last offer.
We'll take it.
(gasping)
Look, honey, she's so happy,
she can barely speak.
Yeah!
(shrieking)
(Ickis)
I'm sorry, Oblina,
maybe I shouldn't
have said ladies
first, huh?
Ow.
What is it, Krumm?
A splinter.
No wonder humans
wear pants.
(wind howling)
Looks like nobody
even lives here.
I dare say, humans would be
afraid of a house like this.
Why they would think it
was haunted by ghosts!
That's ridiculous.
Everyone knows there's
no such thing as ghosts.
Ahh!
Quit clowning
around, Ickis.
It is our job to find
whoever lives here.
And scare 'em bad!
Ickis, you
check left.
Krumm, check right,
while I shall
take the
upstairs, okay?
Sure why wouldn't
that be okay, hmm?
(crashing)
Ahh!
Hello--
anyone there?
Ahh!
What is it?
Oh, nothing
I was just
(screaming)
Warming up.
(hysterical screaming)
Did you hear that?
It sounded like
someone screaming.
Honey, it's probably
just the realtor
realizing how much she
sold this house for.
(chuckling)
(Oblina)
Look, such
a happy couple.
Let's say we scare them
till their eyes bug out?
Oh, what is that
awful smell?
Oh, honey, it's
probably just a skunk.
(sniffing)
Whoo, well, make
that several skunks.
Whoo
(coughing)
Maybe a little more
of this pine scented
stuff should do
the trick.
(vacuum whirring)
(snarling)
Yai-yai
(screaming)
(man)
It's so dark
in here.
(shrieking)
Well, that's better.
(wheezing)
Looks like we
all struck out.
Yeah, I say we just
forget the whole thing.
This place gives
me the creeps.
What if we try surprising
them while they are sleeping.
I'm not really
comfortable with that.
Sounds good to me.
Me too,
let's be off.
Me too!
(howling)
Was that you Krumm?
No Oblina?
No.
Are you guys thinking
what I'm thinking?
Run!
Help!
Hurry up, Ickis!
I can't, I can't,
something's got my foot!
Are you sure?
Whoa!
""Are you sure?"
(grunting)
Let's get out of here.
(screaming)
(toilet flushing)
Okay, so we've
got ghosts.
But maybe we can
claim 'em as dependents.
Is it safe?
(shrieking)
Well, it looks like
the coast is clear.
I say we get out of here while
we still have a chance!
We can't go.
Why not?
We haven't scared
the humans yet.
Oh, phlegm!
What, does it have
your foot again, what?
No, Krumm has
a point!
Hurry, I don't think
this shaft can hold us.
Hurry, Ickis, we
don't have much time.
(rumbling)
Huh?
(panicked panting)
(screaming)
Nice place.
Works for me.
(sniffing)
Mmm, most of it's
already rotten.
That's rotten down
there all right.
A guy could live here.
Where's Oblina?
Nobody move.
Who are you?
Don't worry
about who I am.
The question here
is, who are you?
(wheezing)
I'm Ickis, and
this is Oblina.
And I'm Krumm.
(monster)
Stay right where
you are, Mister.
Nobody moves
until I say so.
Well, somebody woke up
on the wrong side
of the garbage can this
morning, didn't they?
Stow it, sister.
Watch it.
You pine tree breath,
who sent you
and what are
your orders?
Orders?
Well, I could go for
some rotting fish guts
and a side of bugs.
Don't get cute
with me.
Excuse me, sir?
What is it?
I-I-I
I don't think we
should stay here
because of
a ghost, I mean.
(monster)
Ghost, what ghost?
Didn't you hear
the scary noises?
Noises, oh-ho, you
mean, like this one.
(howling)
George, I don't care how
cheap this house was,
we're leaving tomorrow.
It was you.
Darn right it was.
Me, Porg, now enough
fun and games.
I've got a mission
to fulfill
and I'm not gonna let you
three pus buckets distract me.
Or maybe that's
what you want, huh?
Wait a minute,
what mission?
What mission, what
planet do you live on?
We're in the era
of disbelief.
Never heard of it.
Well, that's how my father
earned his reputation.
It was a time when very few
humans believed in monsters.
That ended
a long time ago.
Nice try, dust ball.
No really, it did.
Maybe it did and
maybe it didn't.
Either way, I don't
move from this post
until The Gromble
gives me the word.
The Gromble is the
one who sent
us here in
the first place.
How do I know that?
How do I know you even
know The Gromble?
(Porg)
Quick, what color
are his shoes?
Red.
Lucky guess-- what does
he wear around his waist?
A belt!
What else does
he wear?
Black gloves.
Really-- I bet
they look great
with the shoes
and the belt.
To die for.
Maybe The Gromble
did send you.
Boy, we must be in
real trouble now.
How long have
you been here?
(Porg)
53 years.
53 years-- it only
lasted three.
You're pulling my tail.
No, dear,
I am afraid not.
No, you, you're
pulling my tail!
Sorry, sir.
I can't
believe this.
I've been scaring
since 1941.
Why didn't anyone
tell me it was over?
Aw, it's okay, Porg.
We'll take you back
to school with us.
But first, we have
to scare those humans.
No problem.
(howling)
Oh, Mr. Porg!
(howling)
Yoo-hoo!
(howling)
Knock it off.
Something wrong?
I'm in the middle
of scaring here.
(Oblina)
All right, how long exactly
were you at the academy?
(Porg)
Actually it was
only a week.
A week?
This was the era
of disbelief.
Every able-bodied monster
had to pitch in and scare,
whether they were
educated or not.
Well, the thing is,
the humans have
to see you.
Right now, they think you
are a ghost, not a monster.
That's ridiculous.
Everyone knows there's
no such thing as ghosts.
Come on, we'll show you how
to do it the monster way.
Did I complain when your
mother moved in with us?
(gasping)
(gasping)
(growling)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(growling)
Monsters!
(screaming)
(Porg)
That was great.
I haven't had that
much fun since
well, I've never
had that much fun!
Thanks for
showing me how.
Uh, Porg, there's
something I've been
meaning to ask
you about.
I know you made all
the scary noises
but how did you make
the walls bulge?
I didn't make
the walls bulge.
You didn't really
(wheezing)
(screaming)
(crickets chirping)
Oh, I see Oblina,
Krumm and Ickis
are back from
their assignment.
But who are you?
Porg, sir.
I've returned today
after 53 years to report
I've successfully scared
the humans at my post.
Ah, yes, Porg.
We thought you
disappeared.
Good work, nice to
have you back,
but I'm afraid I'm going
to have you mark you tardy!
(all laughing)