Animal Control (2023) s01e11 Episode Script

1
Uh can you wait
until I'm fully belted
before pulling into traffic?
No, it takes you too long.
So I should get launched
through the windshield?
I'm not sure the
punishment fits the crime.
[DISPATCH] Truck 8. Report of a crab
loose and aggressive at a residence.
728 Alistair Circle.
Truck 8 responding.
I'm here alone and
well, it's really snapping those claws.
[VICTORIA] It's okay. We'll get him.
What? Oh
- a knife.
- Oh my God!
- It's got a knife.
- Yeah. Um do you have a bucket?
Yeah.
What? Why? What are you doing?
How often do you get to duel a crab?
It's hilarious.
En garde.
Take that! And that!
- [VICTORIA CHUCKLES]
- And that!
- Oh!
- It got me!
[GROANING]
Everything's fine, just stay calm.
- You gotta call 911!
- Hang on.
[PATEL] I can't move my leg!
See how I did that and still
managed to preserve my dignity?
[OPENING TITLE THEME SONG]
♪
♪
Alright boys.
Good luck with that
pow-pow in Telluride.
[FINNISH ACCENT] This
weekend was crunchy, bro.
[SHRED] Super crunchy.
- So good to hang.
- So good.
Ah, I'm gonna miss you guys!
[ALL LAUGHING]
[SHRED] Bye-bye.
I'm gonna miss those guys.
I'm not gonna lie.
I lost a lot of brain cells
listening to that conversation.
[CHUCKLES] Well, we had this whole crew
when I was still on tour, and
I just, I miss my boys, you know?
But Hanky hooked me up
with some hockey tickets.
He's friends with the Finnish goalie.
It's tonight, right on
the glass. You wanna go?
Ah, can't. I've got basketball.
And it's play-offs,
baby. Can you feel it?
- Against Sanitation, right?
- Yeah.
- I hope you get after it.
- Oh, we have to.
They blew us out last year.
And they're one of the few
departments that we can look down upon.
Them and parking enforcement,
but they suck at basketball,
they call fouls on themselves.
Wow.
Okay. Uh, Patel's at Urgent Care
meaning he's out for the day.
So, that would be marking
the very first time a crab
has caught a case of the persons.
[SHRED LAUGHS]
Stupid free rimshot app.
Um how's the crab?
Uh, yeah. It had a moment of
glory and then it went down
in a blaze of melted butter.
Okay, heads up everyone!
I've got two free tickets
to the Kraken game tonight,
right on the glass.
First person to say
"in" gets to go with me.
Starting now.
Unless anyone would like to
draw out this awkwardness,
I say you call the meeting.
There we go.
Here's me and the boys eating barbecue.
Me and the boys taking down a pizza.
Ooh! The boys and me going
to town on some gelato.
Wow. Well, I curse your documentation,
but I am in awe of your metabolism.
I'm gonna send these to Camila.
She loves pictures of me eating, Frank.
[DISPATCH] Truck 12. We have a
report of a fox at Xavier Skate Park
at 3245 Olive Street.
Truck 12 responding.
Do you want a burrito?
I'm not gonna be able
to finish this third one.
God, I can't wait for you to age.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Surprise.
- Hey! What are you doing here?
Well, I remember you said
the turf was in rough shape
after that Great Dane had diarrhea.
So I talked to the hardware store
and I got 'em to donate some.
- No!
- Yeah.
You're incredible. Wait, how?
Never underestimate a man with one ear.
- Oh okay.
- [LAUGHING]
If it's cool with you,
I can go lay it down.
And full installation? I'm sorry. Yes.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- I mean, what can't you do?
Ask you out.
- What?
- You asked what I can't do.
I only got the turf so I could
come in here and ask you out.
Oh.
I mean, it's not like I
don't care about the turf.
You know, I made 'em give
us the extra springy kind.
- It's, like, crazy springy.
- Oh.
If you get a chance, you should go
out there and take a bounce on it.
Would you like to have
dinner with me tonight?
Rick, I would love to have
dinner with you tonight.
Great. Do you like French food?
Uh mais oui.
Oh, wow. Okay. Perfect.
Okay. Well, I'll see you tonight.
- Perfect. Yeah.
- Yeah? Alright.
Okay.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
There it is.
Little guy's been there all morning.
- Head's up, he's wily.
- We got it.
Can you guys figure this
out? We need to skate.
What happens if you don't skate?
You bumble into some productivity?
Is your whole day shot
'cause you're getting things done?
Dude
Wait. I got an idea.
Sir. I need to respectfully
requisition this buttery deck.
- Get after it, man.
- No doubt.
- Ugh.
- Frank cover me.
[FRANK] Go ahead. Yeah,
I've done this so many times.
[CROWD] Whoa!
Come on!
[FRANK] Come here.
[FRANK] Go, go, go! There he is.
[FRANK] Shred, there he
is right there. Come on.
[FRANK] Come here.
Come here.
Shred, get him! Go, go!
There he is.
- Shoot the net!
- I'm going to have a heart attack.
Shoot the net!
I'm coming! I'm coming!
[CHEERS]
Yo! That was epic, man.
[SHRED] Sit tight, little buddy.
You really got the moves.
Thanks, man.
I'm Shred, by the way.
Cool.
Okay.
You okay, Frank?
[OUT OF BREATH]
[GRUNTS]
Alright. You know there's a
set of stairs right over there.
No, no, no. I'm good,
I'm good, I'm good. Here.
Dude, do you need some help?
I did a big, uh leg
workout this morning
like, drop sets and all that.
[GRUNTS]
Do not assist me!
You're almost up.
Let me go!
Hey Victoria. You got a sec?
Yeah. What's up?
I'd love to get your female
perspective on something.
Hit me.
Uh I'm taking Emily out tonight.
Look at you.
Making all the moves with your new ear.
I'm actually pretty nervous
about the whole thing.
I haven't dated since
- [BOTH] The mauling.
- The mauling,
- Yeah.
- And I really want it to go awesome
so I thought I'd just
run something by you.
Mm-hmm.
- Hey.
- Rick's taking you to Canada for your date.
[CHUCKLES] What?
- What?
- Yeah. Okay.
You mentioned a
preference for French food
so he's taking you by rail
to Jean Jacques in Whistler.
He asked me to pack you
a bag and your passport
and not to tell you anything.
I'm sorry. Does he think that
we're spending the night together?
No. He's booked separate rooms.
It's a very pure, unbelievably
romantic gesture by a man
who's not entirely sure how
to spend his settlement money.
Okay. I'm sorry, that's insane.
Is it? I mean, I've had
guys take me to Dubai.
I really need to have a
conversation with you about safety.
I feel like this is, like,
a lot for a first date.
Okay.
Do you wanna go out with him?
Yeah. Yeah, I think
I think so, totally.
Doctor Summers is waiting.
Are you bringing the bird back or not?
Oh yes, I'm sorry. Here we go.
Oh, so you have a 911 and then lallygag?
Okay. You're quite confrontational.
- I've only met you, like, two times.
- Got you.
Just let me know how many
times we have to interact
before I can speak my mind.
I'm just gonna say it, I kinda love him.
[WHISPERS] What do I do about Rick?
Hey Frank, got a second
to talk about the game?
Oh, Templeton. You know I don't
recognize your authority as coach.
Yeah. Players voted me as coach.
You bought the uniforms.
You didn't get my vote.
I'm just gonna rip the
band-aid off, Frank.
- I'm benching you.
- [SCOFFS] No.
Honestly, I've been
debating this for a while,
then I saw footage of
you at the skate park
and it's like you grew old
right in front of my eyes.
Look, first of all, I'm not old.
And second, I totally wailed
on my legs workout this morning.
Um my decision is final.
It's a pretend decision
from a pretend coach.
- [WHISTLE TRILLS]
- I have a whistle.
It's not sad at all, that you walk
around the offices wearing a whistle.
Yeah, well, game day so I wear it.
Anyway, Frank, the
band-aid has been ripped.
Do not blame me for what
time has done to you.
I'm gonna go grab some
food 'cause we're out.
Jeez.
Okay.
Oh okay. It's a charley horse there.
Ugh.
Does anyone have any, uh, Ibuprofen?
[HAMMERING]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Victoria told you about Canada.
Yeah
Too big of a swing, huh?
Oh, no.
It's just so international
for a first date.
Of course. It was so stupid. [LAUGHS]
A horse-drawn sleigh ride to
a bistro on a glacier lake?
- Pfft.
- Oh that's so lovely.
Um but maybe just,
like, a lot of pressure.
Right.
I was thinking maybe we could
just go someplace in town tonight.
- Oh man. Tonight. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
Uh no, I can't
because I'm going to Canada.
It was all non-refundable,
tasting menu et cetera.
O-kay. I feel awful.
- Oh, please don't. Please don't.
- I didn't
I'm just gonna ask a buddy to go with.
Alright. I'm so sorry.
I I really wish I
was the type of person
that could just jet off
but I think I would be in my head and
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's all good.
- You know.
In the neighborhood.
- [LAUGHS]
- Okay.
Whoa!
[LAUGHS]
- Hey. Hey. What's up, Jack?
- Hey.
Um listen, I don't know
what you're doing tonight
but I've got two tickets to
the Kraken game, on the glass.
Seeing if you wanted to go.
I don't think that's appropriate.
Oh. Okay.
Sorry. Why isn't it appropriate?
I don't know you like that.
We've had, like, two conversations.
Yeah, but what about the hilarious time
when I brought in the bulldog?
That felt very much like office banter
and didn't really tip into friendship.
Well, we could be friends
if we spend time together.
[SHARP INHALE] Yeah, I don't
know how to get that going.
I just invited you to a hockey game.
It feels forced.
Plus, I got my sister's
birthday tonight.
Why didn't you just say that first?
Felt like an opportunity
to set boundaries.
Oh, hey. Um have a
great game with the
the balls and the baskets and stuff.
Templeton benched me.
He said I was too old.
No! What? That's not fair.
You guys are the same age.
Why does he get to play and you don't?
I'm like five years younger than him.
- Oh.
- You didn't know that?
- No, I think I think I did.
- That seemed very surprising to you.
I'm remembering it now.
He's got gray hair
and, like, a liver spot.
- Right.
- You going for full diabetes?
What?
Oh no. I'm distracted.
- That's great.
- No, I wait Frank. Can I ask your advice?
Um Rick asked me out on a date.
Okay. Well, these things
tend to sort themselves out.
Yeah. It's just, it's to Whistler
and he bought the tickets
and everything already.
Big swing. What did you say?
Well, I just said you know,
maybe we just go some
place in town instead.
Ooh. Gut punch.
- No. Is it?
- Yeah, he really put himself out there.
Yeah. Yeah.
Um I don't know what my problem is.
I just it's a sweet idea, I just
- You don't know.
- I don't I don't know.
- Even I know.
- You know what?
Really? You really don't know?
Really, I don't know.
- You really don't know?
- I really don't know.
- You really don't know?
- I really don't know.
Then why don't we both say
the thing that we don't know
- out loud on the count of three.
- Okay.
- Okay, sure.
- [IN UNISON] One, two, three
- Shred.
- Nothing.
Shred?
There's no way that you know that.
I not only have a high
IQ, I also have a high EQ.
Which also stands for equalizer.
Okay, did Victoria
tell you or something?
Look, I am capable of knowing things.
No, you're not.
Whatever you think you know, you don't.
Okay, I don't know a lot and
I don't have any great insight
but I do know that Shred
and Camila have been together
for three years and when she
visited they patched things up.
And I also know that Rick is fantastic
and he wanted to take
you to another country.
So maybe give him a chance.
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks Frank.
Okay.
[SLURPING]
It's maybe one too many sugars.
[CHEERING]
Push it, push it! Go! Yes.
- [TEMPLETON] Oh my gosh.
- You're asleep again.
I shouldn't have had that
second piece of lasagne.
Kryptonite, whoo!
- Get him, get him.
- This is ridiculous!
- McNeil hasn't hit a shot all night.
- He's got 20 points.
Yeah, but they're not
the right kind of points.
There's no finesse or
flare. Everyone's bored.
Jack, get ready. You're going in.
You're serious? He's going in before me?
He's clutch from the
line. Much, much younger.
He's asleep.
Hey. Jack. Psst. Jack.
[YELLING] Game time! Yeah! Ha!
There you go, buddy! He's awake.
- Unbelievable.
- You know what?
There's one coach.
Okay? And this is the coach.
- Where? Yeah, there's one coach on that side.
- [WHISTLE TRILLS]
- No, sorry ref.
- [FRANK] Coaches don't have whistles.
Sorry ref.
Go, go!
Ow, my ankle!
Yes! Yes.
I mean, look, the pressure got to him.
- Oh, my gosh.
- The game's almost over, muscle through.
- It feels like it's broken.
- Ah adrenaline. How about adrenaline?
Just put me in the game!
Fine. We're gonna lose.
Try and stay positive,
coach. You never know.
I played last week! I was good.
[TEMPLETON] Let's bring it in.
We gotta have one play. This is it.
- It says "no Frank".
- Oh, sorry. Those are my notes.
- Frank, you're down here.
- I'm on the other side of the court?!
- You're on defense.
- On defense? During offense?
- One, two, three.
- [IN UNISON] Together!
Let's go.
Hey, uh, did you ever find
someone to go to that hockey game?
You're not a fan, are you?
Uh do you wanna
see my Kraken keychain?
Okay, so do you wanna go?
- Yes.
- Nice! Awesome!
The tricky thing is that I have
plans tonight with my friend, Joanne.
Oh, well do you think she'd be cool
with you rescheduling and everything?
She's just an even
bigger fan than me. So
So you want both of the tickets?
I'll buy them off you.
I mean, uh
Yeah. How does 40 a piece sound?
Not as good as 20.
Just take 'em.
You okay?
Not really. I've been
in Seattle almost a year
and feel like I still haven't
made any real friends, so
Do you want me to call you from
the car and we can talk this through?
No. Just go. Go enjoy the game.
Okay.
Hang in there, hmm?
[FRANK] Come on.
Come on, right here.
- Give me the ball. Jack, right here.
- No.
[FRANK] Throw me the ball.
Right here. Jack! Jack!
Right here, right here.
- Shut up, Frank!
- Jack, Jack! Over here.
- [BUZZER]
- [CHEERING]
- Whoo! Yeah!
- [APPLAUSE]
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
I am not in decline. I'm Peter Pan!
[TEMPLETON] Drink time!
Whoo! Good coaching. Good coaching.
Ha! Ha!
Come on, let's go. Come on.
I'll buy the first round.
I'm just gonna get my stuff.
Okay, that's nice of you.
I accept your apology.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I gotta lock up.
You don't happen to live, by chance,
near Saint Vincent's Hospital, do you?
I can't move and I am in a
staggering amount of pain.
[CHUCKLES] Your back.
Yes. I threw everything
out when I landed.
I was running on endorphins
and assorted energy drinks.
- Let's go.
- Ah!
- Sorry.
- Just tip me forward, just tip it there.
Yeah, tip it. Oh, just like
putting a boat into the water.
There we go. Oh hey, look at that.
- [CHUCKLING]
- There you go.
This is a lot better
than I thought. Oh
Nice job, Rick.
[ANNOUNCEMENT] Train
24 to Vancouver, BC
will now be departing on Platform 7.
Rick, hey!
Hey!
Rick. Hey.
Hey. You change your mind?
No. No, no, I'm still not going.
- Oh.
- Yeah. But, um, I wanted to come down here
and do the whole, like,
running through the train station
to catch the guy I like
before he leaves, um, thing.
Okay.
I mean, you took a big swing.
So, I I thought I should do one too.
- So I didn't blow it?
- No! No, I thought I blew it.
- Oh, no. Not at all.
- [PATEL] Are you kidding me?
Do you know how hard it is to get
approved for a last-minute overnight?
I promised Maya her sister
could stay with us for two weeks!
- She's not going.
- Yeah.
Oh. Thank God. Hi, Emily.
How are you feeling?
Uh, you know, I'm on
some crazy antibiotics.
I think they're making me
a little bit aggressive.
- Okay.
- So look, I'll, uh, be at the platform.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Tuesday night, pizza at
D'Amore's. Are you in?
Feels a little tame. So yeah, I'm in.
- Alright.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Okay. We've given you a
pretty strong muscle relaxant
so you can't drive home.
I don't see an emergency
contact. Who should I call?
Did someone put up the bat
signal for an emergency contact?
Oh God. I regret everything
I've ever done in my life.
How are you doing? How are your vitals?
Do you need me to run point
with the medical staff?
- Do you need your bed pan?
- I just need a ride.
This is all transportation motivated.
Oh, there's transportation happening.
You're on the move
right towards my heart.
Ugh. Look, would you just shut up
and watch the third period with me?
Oh. Yeah.
Perfectly good chair right over there.
- Just grab the chair. Okay.
- [SHRED] What's the score?
Ugh. We're down by one but
we just got a power play.
Hmm.
You know who I wanted to
invite to the game tonight?
Who?
Emily, But I thought it would be weird.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I think I have a thing for her.
It's great.
- Hmm.
- It's great.
- This is nice.
- Nope.
You're really cool when
you're on muscle relaxers.
When they wear off I'm
gonna kick your ass.
I know.