Being Erica (2009) s01e11 Episode Script

Control.
You might call it a life long obsession.
Within a year of birth, we're already throwing fits, trying to control everything and anything that touches our lives.
Who's the cutest dude ever? It's Max.
He's four weeks.
By now, he should've put on at least three pounds; He's only put on two and a half.
Oh, that's just a half a pound though.
Look at him, he's fine.
Our addiction to control starts early, and it doesn't end there.
The terrible twos, the teenage years.
Our whole lives are a constant battle between what we want and what stands in our way.
Breastfeeding doesn't just happen, you know? I mean, so what if I'm not feeding him right? What if he's like what if he's starving? Hey, look at me.
You're doing a great job.
Yeah.
I'm tired, you know? Max sleeps all day and then at night he just wants to feed, like, every hour.
Jude, sit.
Sit.
Look, you need a break, seriously.
Um, Katie, she's coming into town for the author's festival on Saturday.
Why don't you come? You know, get Anthony to be on little Max detail.
Can I give you a tentative yes? Of course.
Oh my God, do not look behind you.
Oh.
What's going Oh, hey, Judith, Oh, you got Max out.
Great.
Hello.
Erica? What are you doing down Oh! Yeah.
Hi.
Max just dropped his little teething ring.
Teething? Ah.
Already.
Growing boy.
Right.
Well, I better get my caffeine fix in me before battling a classroom full of nine-year-olds.
See you around.
River Rock's annual festival of authors is one of this city's primo events, so how is this very important day shaping up? Brent? Well, we'll kick things off with a dose of caffeine, thanks to "the history of coffee.
" Wake me up before you go-go.
Mm.
And then Katie Atkins will give us a sneak peek from her first book, "The None.
" "The None?" hm, what's that again? Oh right, it's only my favorite new self-help title of the year.
And we have great, great things planned for this, Julianne, trust me.
Impress me.
Otherwise this little "foray" into the world of junior editor? More like a detour.
I would not wanna be in your shoes and and not just because you're wearing cheap Patrick Cox knock-offs.
That's funny.
Listen, I know that the stakes are high, but I have got great big plans.
Okay, start off by having Katie read the first two chapters of the book.
Hello, she only has two chapters.
And then I thought we could stage a conversation between, you know, Katie and a friend, over wine; Bring "The None" to life.
Two words: Kim Cattrall.
The actress? Yes! We hire her to play the friend.
Uh, you know that's one way that we could do it for sure, but I was, um I was thinking of something just a little more real.
Real? Real, yes.
Authentic.
Getting an everyday woman, bringing her on-stage.
It's about selling the dream, Erica.
Selling the dream.
I know, but there's a difference between the dream and a fantasy.
And that's the whole point of the book.
It's just to cut through all that Hollywood, happily-ever-after, Cinderella crap.
Interesting, but real people can't act, real people can't stick to a script.
So if you want my help, I think we should actually, Julianne put me in charge of the title, So, I'm launching it the way I want to.
Hmm.
Well then, good luck with that.
B-B-Brent.
No-no-no-no-no.
No, really, you make a really mean latte, so, I'm sure you're totally qualified to launch a book.
On your own.
Control.
It's a dangerous obsession.
Take it too far and you could risk losing it altogether.
it's clearer inside of me who I will always be open me up to my heart feels like I'm seeing in the dark waking me up to my heart to do it all over again and again until the end the sum of my dreams and everything I ever wanted to be So, just ignore the camera and tell us anything you want to about love.
I mean, I have a lot to offer a guy.
Mm-hmm.
At least I think I do.
Maybe I don't.
The last guy I dated dumped me for some skinny chick from his rock climbing club.
If there's a God, that dick and his anorexic bitch will both plummet to their deaths.
Give me a tight bod, a heartbeat, and nipple clamps, and I'm a happy girl.
Oh, well when you're in your 20's and you break up with a guy, you think, "pfft! Whatever.
No biggie, I'll just move on.
" And then you hit 30, and you're lucky if "the one" is even a one night stand.
I don't know, if it's this hard at 33, what's gonna happen when I'm 40? This is what keeps me up at night, in my bed, Alone.
Oh, Andrea, thank you.
Thank you, we'll be making our decision shortly.
Well, it was good to meet you.
You as well.
Absolutely.
Bye.
Well, I think we found our girl.
Me too.
I loved that girl with the rock-climbing boyfriend; She was righteous.
Meeri, she was terrifying.
I meant I mean, I meant Andrea.
Andrea? I guess.
Oh, you don't like her? She seemed kinda pathetic.
Pathetic? No, I think that she was just being honest.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Ah, I mean, what do I know? Hey, listen, I'm interested in your opinion, okay? I'm not one of those crazy bosses, like like Julianne? Uh, all of the admin assistants are terrified of her.
Listen, I have a really big job for you, okay? I want you to be in charge of finding the table and the chairs for the girl launch.
Me? Really? Yeah.
Make the re-enactment like a place that, you know, you and your girlfriends, you'd like to hang out at.
I know.
I won't disappoint.
A lot riding on this.
Oh, she's fantastic.
I mean, did you send the right picture? Meeri, the re-enactment, it needs to you know, sell Katie and the concept of the book.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, okay.
Wood, yes.
Exactly.
Perfect.
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Okay, see you tomorrow, bye.
Erica, I know you're up, I can hear you through my wall.
Hey.
Hi.
I guess, you're, um here to talk about this morning? This morning the last two weeks.
Look, Ethan, I told you, that I need time.
You also said this would be temporary.
That we'd go back to being friends.
This is temporary.
I'm just insanely busy with work right now.
I see that.
Any way I can help? No, it's late.
I'll nap tomorrow during recess.
Sorry.
Look, I know you need time, I hear you.
But for the record, I-I hate this.
Anyway, don't stay up too late, okay? Hey, look, Um, it's my first big book launch this Saturday, if you wanna come? You I'm gonna be busy, I'm gonna be running around like a chicken with his head cut off, but Jude should be there and, you know, Katie, of course.
You know, it's Claire's weekend to visit.
Oh.
Uh, well, you know, invite her too.
Really? Yeah.
You're sure? Great.
Well, we'll see you there.
Okay.
That's great.
Meeri, everything looks perfect.
Except for, you know, I did ask for lilies, not hydrangeas.
Ooh, sturdy table, comfy chairs.
Pour me a glass of wine, Katie, and I'll bearing my heart and soul to you.
One glass of wine coming right up.
So, we have everything under control.
And you're gonna love the "real girl" we hired.
She's amazing.
Yeah.
Ooh, thanks.
Mmm.
Oh, wow, memories of Communion.
Meeri, it's like I told you the other day, all right? we're aiming for something really special here, and there is nothing special about a cheap bottle of screw-top wine.
It's fine.
The audience won't know.
Yeah, but Julianne will.
Okay, so go.
Okay, don't spend less than $30.
Make sure to keep a receipt.
Well, look at you, Ms.
Taskmaster.
Only because Meeri's turning me into one.
It's like I have to hold her hand for every tiny decision.
There he is! Judith, he is absolutely adorable.
Yeah, he'd be even more adorable if he'd stop screaming for five minutes.
Oh, can I hold him? Maybe I can help.
Uh, wow, I thought that Anthony was gonna watch over Max? He was and then work called.
Wow! That's quite the set of lungs you got on you.
No, Brian's shaving habits are not perfect, but I'm not perfect either So true.
And I'm the one for him.
Be nice.
Hey, sorry we're late.
We had to park all the way over on Harbord Street.
Oh no, that's fine.
Katie just started.
Such a big dream of yours finally coming true.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Is not that she's unrealistic, no.
She's been led astray.
She's trying so hard to find "the one" that all that she's left with is "The None.
" And that is the end of the first chapter from my new and first book.
Woo-hoo.
Looks like you have a probable hit on your hands.
Now I would like to introduce to you Oh, she's great, you're gonna love her.
Andrea Traub.
Hi.
Andrea and I are gonna have a little session here, a little girl talk.
Well, here's the thing oh, by the way, Katie, I love your column.
Oh Love it.
Vino! May I? Okay, here's the thing.
I'm young, I'm hot, and I make a six figure income.
And yet you sleep alone.
Which is the plight of so many women.
Sharing my bed? Technically, not the problem.
Ah hell, I share my bed, two, three times a week.
It's just it's It's never with the same guy.
Oh, unless, do twins count? Uh twins? Yeah, two for the price of one.
Oh my God, I met the most gorgeous set of Armenian twins at the Drake last weekend.
Friday night it was Armen, Saturday night it was Arsen.
Quiet, hey, Max.
Max, honey, now is not the time, okay? and then Armen.
Wow, who chose the horn dog? And Sunday was supposed to be a threesome, but I think that woulda been weird, right? Maybe you should get her off the stage, you know? I've put on my share of events for tourism Quebec.
Okay, thank you, Claire.
You know what? I'm just gonna waltz up on stage and do that 'cause no one will notice a thing.
It's a great idea.
It's great.
I'm gonna go get a coffee.
I'll wait for you outside.
Claire Good one.
Listen, I'll be right back, okay? Shh-shh-shh.
Hey, Ethan! Ethan! She's just trying to help! I know.
So, why couldn't you just be nice to her? I mean, you say you wanna be friends.
You know, I do wanna be friends, but I also told you that I need time.
Then why did you invite me here today? Because you were guilting me out.
Guilting you out? I just want everything to be like it was.
That is the point, Ethan, it can't be, okay? It can't.
And you-you just I what, Erica? You just, you know, you coast along and you refuse to deal with anything.
What I can't deal with is this.
No, you know what? Hey! You wanted to talk? This is me talking.
This is me saying what I've wanted to say to you since you gave Claire a second chance.
Because I don't get it.
I mean, she cheated on you and then she dumped you.
And the second she expresses the tiniest little bit of doubt, there you are, and you're right back at her feet.
We were married for ten years.
Oh, don't give me that.
You know, if you were still so in love with her, then why did we kiss? Huh? Why are you still in Toronto when you should be in Montreal working on your marriage? You're just You are terrified, you are terrified of making a decision, of committing to anything, and that is why you and I are at the impasse that we're at.
And I am tired of it, I am tired of you holding our past for emotional ransom.
Dr.
Tom? Over here.
The lotus position.
Also known as padmasana.
Yoga prepares the body for meditation which allows us to observe our thoughts, So that we're not controlled by them.
Also lights a fire under your kundalini.
Pardon me? Please, sit.
The goal here is to harmonize the mind with the body.
To keep the focus here.
You know, as opposed to everything going on up here.
You should give it a go sometime, it might do you some good.
So Well, everything is a disaster.
I mean, the launch and Ethan.
I mean, my God, after what I just said, I don't think that he's ever gonna forgive me, but you know what? Everything that I said, it was the truth.
He just he didn't wanna hear it.
He didn't wanna believe it.
So, what did he say in return? Wha Ethan, speak? Please.
He's become this emotionally paralyzed thing.
I mean, a few weeks ago I told him that I loved him and now, I would I would rather hang out with Claire.
Well, you know, all friendships do go through their rough patches.
Mm-mm.
No, this is more than that.
It just, it feels like the foundations have been ripped out of our friendship.
I should have never kissed Ethan.
Hmm.
Ah.
Well, go ahead then.
And do what? Well, add it to the list then.
Kissing Ethan.
I can do that? I mean I can just add that? "He who controls the present, controls the past.
" "He who controls the past, controls the future.
" George Orwell.
Okay.
Kissing Ethan.
Done.
So, tell me.
Okay, um it was a few months ago.
As you know, it was my high school reunion And I brought Ethan as my date.
More like fake boyfriend.
Uh, but that night he did everything that a boyfriend should.
He was just so incredibly caring.
loving, actually.
And I don't know if it was that I was vulnerable, or that he was too, but I kissed him.
And at the time it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
I kissed him and nothing has been the same since.
It destroyed our friendship.
If I could go back, I would not kiss Ethan.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't put us in jeopardy.
well you know, avoiding that kiss is not gonna undo any feelings that you have now, your love for him.
But that's my problem, it's not his.
Namaste.
Oh my God! Erica, are you okay? Yeah.
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Wowzer, it's getting really late, so, I'm gonna go.
Um, uh Uh, don't forget your ice cream, it's gonna melt.
Uh, thanks, Ethan.
Okay, good night.
Bye.
Okay.
Hello? Hey, Jude, it's me.
Erica.
Why are you calling me so early? I thought that you'd be up.
Up? I didn't leave the reunion 'til It must've been, God, 2:30.
The reunion.
The Right, last night.
Yes.
Are you okay? Yeah, no, I'm fine.
Sorry.
Uh, hey listen, go back to sleep.
No, we gotta get brunch going.
But the brunch I remember that I cancelled the brunch.
Erica, what's going on? About 20 of your closest friends and classmates are about to descend on your place.
I know, I'm just sorry, I'm still half asleep.
But, uh, brunch is it's gonna be great.
Um-um, I'm gonna, I'll see you soon, okay? Oh God.
Oh, hey! Whoa! Hey, let me help.
Oh, I got it.
Oh, I think I got it.
That's okay.
Okay, thanks.
Um So, um you left in a real hurry last night.
Oh, no, you know what? I was just I was just really tired and I had to get up early for this brunch thing, so.
Brunch? Jenny and Judith coming? Jenny and Judith and a bunch of people you don't know.
So it's kind of like last night.
Oh.
I had fun last night.
Good, I'm glad that you did.
And thank you again.
Ah Wow, Bacon and French Toast aren't gonna cook themselves, I should get started on it.
I'll see you later, okay? Okay, okay.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Bye! What is it with "French" in front of all the foods we eat? French Fries, French Toast, French Onion Soup.
See? Right.
Right, all right.
Anyway, back to Ethan.
Oh, come on, there's nothing to tell.
I mean, there was like like a momentary little spark between us, but it was nothing.
Look at you, sparking with Ethan, sparking with Alex Berlin.
You, my dear, put me to shame.
Yeah, that is a hard choice between the guy that you lost it with and the guy that you've known forever.
Oh, come on, one night of sex.
in a canoe.
Hello? Versus 15 years of history? I mean that's hardly a fair fight.
Exactly.
You know Ethan, you love him I mean, like a friend.
Right.
Yeah, exactly, he's a friend.
He's a really good friend and that's that's a friendship that I don't wanna mess up.
Okay, but, I don't know, you two guys just have just always seemed perfect for each other.
Mm-hmm.
Well, you know what? It's too much to risk, Jude, believe me.
Erica, the best way to get over a guy is to get under one.
It's a fact.
And by under, I mean Alex Berlin.
Oh, okay, Alex Berlin, he thinks I'm a pathological lying freak.
And he likes trains.
So what? Oh my God, if I had known back in grade eleven what I know now.
It would have been me popping Alex's cherry, not you.
No, I do think that is a great idea though.
His number's in the alumni directory.
Yes.
It's either Alex or Ethan.
You're way too pretty to die and old maid.
Now I know it's a long shot, but I'm just gonna call Alex and invite him to brunch and I'll forget to tell him that it's here, hosted by you, the freak.
Mm-hm.
Unreal.
There you go.
Enjoy.
There he is, you guys.
What do I do? Go and say hello, like a normal human.
I can't believe you called him.
Hi, Alex.
You're here.
Yeah, I am.
This is, um my apartment.
Oh.
Alex, please, Look, I know that last night, it was really unfair.
Uh, yeah, Last night was bizarre.
Yeah, gee, I wonder why? Maybe because I made up a fake boyfriend and then lied to you? Yup.
Look, the reason why did that is because I knew that Katie Atkins was gonna be there and I was insecure and I didn't want her to think that I was this big loser and then you just got caught up in the middle of it.
I'm sorry.
Peace? I promise that it's not spiked with anything stronger than champagne.
Mm, it's good.
Good, great.
Hey, listen, come on in.
Make yourself comfortable, we've got lots of food.
Do you got eggs? I love eggs.
Do we have eggs? We got scrambled and over-easy and deviled and poached and eggs.
So, I played the French Horn in band class, right, and Katie used to pour milk into it and then the milk, of course, would sour.
And then she would tell everyone that the bad smell was you.
You mean, people thought I smelled like bad milk? Kinda.
Ethan, hey.
Um, are you here for brunch? Because we've got more than enough food.
Actually, I'm here to talk to Erica.
Erica? Wow, yeah.
Uh, you know she made a great spread.
Why don't I make you a plate? Great spread, so good.
Okay, what the hell is going on? You guys are acting just as weird as she is.
Have I done something? Um, Erica's actually just right over there, talking to Alex Berlin.
No, honestly, Ethan and I are We're just friends.
I mean, he was in on the whole thing.
Good.
Mm-hmm.
Ethan! Erica.
Hey, when did you get here? Just now.
Oh, I don't know that you guys officially met last night.
Alex, this is Ethan, Ethan, this is Alex.
So, funny, 'cause I was just I was just telling Alex what amazing friends we are.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
Yeah, I mean, Ethan and I, we met in university, in drama class of all things, right? And we've just, we've been best budderoos ever since.
The only difference between Ethan and my girlfriends Is that he knows how to kill a spider and hook up my PVR.
Right? Nice to meet you, Alex.
You too, Ethan.
Alex, can you just excuse me for one second? Yeah, of course.
Be right back.
Ethan.
Hey, where you going? Home.
But Is everything okay? I don't know, Erica? You tell me, what have I done? You haven't done anything? Then why are you treating me like this? You ignore me one minute, then we're all buddies the next.
Hey, hey, hey.
Look, I'm not mad at you or anything at all.
Uh Then why are you acting so weird? Last night, I was there and I felt something and know you did too, And you're freaked out.
Hell, I'm freaked out.
You know what, Ethan, I should probably I really should Erica.
You felt something, didn't you? Ethan, even if I did, we're I mean, we're friends.
What does that matter? Isn't that a good thing? Yes.
Alex.
Alex! Oh! Oh shit! Oh sshh shit.
I kissed him again.
Who? Alex Berlin? No, Ethan.
I'm going from upward dog right into downward dog and you're kind of in the way there.
Hey, did you Thanks.
Did you hear what I said? Oh yeah, you kissed Ethan.
It's not like it's the first time.
Yeah, but it is the first time again and I wasn't supposed to, but I did.
And why did I do that? I mean, what is it? Unavoidable? What? What if I was meant to go back and not keep us apart, but get us together? What if I was wrong all along? "We create our fate, every day we live.
" Henry Miller.
I wanna add another regret to my list.
Erica.
It was the first term of my undergrad, and Ethan and I, we were we were in Drama class together.
And because we knew each other from residence, he asked me to be his scene partner.
Our first assignment, it was the balcony scene from "Romeo and Juliet".
I mean, we were terrible actors, but the scene, it was incredibly romantic.
You know, reading poetry to each other and pretending to be lovers.
I mean, it was really hot.
But I wasn't looking for a boyfriend because I had just broken up with my ex, so, romance, it was the last thing on my mind.
So, I missed the obvious.
Ethan liked me.
He pursued me, and I did everything in my power to keep us just friends.
But Claire, she had no doubts, you know? She just she stepped right into the vacuum, and then and then before I knew it they were a couple.
And the rest is history.
And so, you wanna do what, exactly? I wanna go back and become Ethan's girlfriend, not his friend.
I wanna make up for all those wasted years that we could've been together.
Yeah, but you were together, as friends.
So, you're sure that you wanna go back and rewrite that? Yes.
Yes.
All right, well, hey, it's your list.
Just friends with Ethan.
My life were better ended by their hate than death prorogued wanting of thy love.
Than death prorogued wanting of thy love.
Where are we? By whose direction foundest thou out this place.
Right, I'm-I'm sorry, I just, uh lost my train of thought.
Which means you are not invested in the scene, or in Shakespeare's words.
I'm sorry, Professor Thorsson.
That is all for today.
Your homework? Practice, practice, practice.
I-I don't get it, you were off book way before I was.
I know, I'm so sorry, Ethan.
You know, I'm gonna be fine, it was just nerves.
Right.
Hey, guys, good work.
I'm jealous.
I'm play Lady Macbeth and she's not a very nice woman.
at all.
Don't worry, Thorsson was casting against type.
Could I have a word, my dear? Uh, sure.
I'm a firm believer in the Stanislavski System.
Have you heard of it? Uh No.
It's a wonderful tool.
You take the text and make it your own.
You play out your emotions, How you would feel as Erica, not Juliet.
Okay, so, Stanislavski? Mm-hmm.
That's great, you know what? I'm gonna Google him.
Thank you.
Google? Hey.
Hey, Claire invited us to grab a cup of coffee at Jet Fuel.
It's in the east end, but it's the best in the city.
Oh, you know, I would love to, but I have to memorize my lines, so Oh, well, why don't you do that and Ethan can come with me? You know, it really helps me to rehearse with a partner, Oh Oh If you don't mind.
But, hey, good luck.
Break a leg tomorrow.
Yeah.
Oh.
All right, Ethan.
Well, you had the first part of the scene down, so let's focus on the, um, let's see here You know, I'm just wondering, why you're taking a theater class? I mean, you don't wanna be an actor.
Two answers: One I can tell you, the other, I'll only admit if you promise not to laugh.
Okay, I promise.
Okay, it's good to have it on my transcript if I apply to teachers' college, and if, um well, If I wanna become the first legitimate white rapper instead, I thought it could help with my stage presence.
Okay, I am the biggest dork ever.
No, no, I think it's really sweet, but you would make a great teacher.
A teacher is nowhere near as sexy as international hip-hop superstar.
Oh, yes it is.
I mean, your kids, they're gonna adore you.
They're gonna see how sweet and good and caring you are.
Take it from me, those qualities they're they're very, very sexy in a man.
Oh, uh thanks.
Um, okay, let's just take it from your line right here.
Um, "what satisfaction canst thou have tonight?" Sure.
How about over here? Yeah, yeah.
Great.
What satisfaction canst thou have tonight? The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
But I gave thee mine before thou did request it and yet I would, it were to give again.
Um, wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, love? But to be frank and give it thee again.
Um What? Uh, um We-we weren't gonna do a kiss.
Oh, you know, I know, but it's only the most romantic scene ever written, so don't you think we should? Well, it doesn't say here anything about that, so we probably shouldn't deliver one, okay? Okay.
Now let's take it from the top.
Sure.
Definitely.
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks, it is the east and Juliet is the sun So, how goes it? Is your regret everything you hoped for and more? No, I think I think that I'm actually scaring off Ethan.
Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, I keep forgetting that he's only known me for a couple weeks, right? I have this unfair advantage.
"there is advantage in the wisdom won from pain.
" Aeschylus.
I'm jumping the gun.
I'm expecting him to be where I'm at, and he probably doesn't even know my last name.
Oh, I don't know, I think "Strange" is an unforgettable surname.
You want my advice? Yes.
Why don't you just slow it all down? because Just allow things to unfold naturally, you know? Because if I do that, then Claire, she swoops in and I'm right back at square one.
I mean, you should've seen him today when he was with her.
Just, like, two words out of her mouth and he was melting like butter.
Must be the accent.
Yeah, that and the fact that Claire was Uh, Claire is really adorable, back in '94.
Erica.
Hi.
Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, I didn't Oh, no, no.
Not at all.
Remember, I want those 10 pages on the concept of "The Leap of Faith" in Kierkegaard's writings, by Monday.
Yes, professor Thomas.
So, where's Ethan? I thought you guys were rehearsing? Uh, he had to go to night class.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
Sexy scene you two have together, huh? Yeah, sexy is the word, you know? And it doesn't hurt acting opposite Ethan either.
Yeah.
God, I can't believe he's single.
Yeah, tell me about it.
So, he is single? He's not interested in any girl? I mean because today, I don't know, it felt like there was uh a spark between us.
Really, a spark? Well, um, are you sure? Yeah.
Because, you know, Claire Ethan, he's a really sensitive guy.
Oh, but I like sensitive men; I'm French.
I don't think that you're his type.
Oh yeah? What makes you think I'm not his type? I just do, and you're not.
I mean, you might think so, but long-term? I don't know.
Okay.
Well, maybe it's time I go and find that out myself.
You know, I just I wouldn't do that.
Why not? Because.
Because what? Because, um Ethan Is gay.
What? Mm-hmm.
And I don't wanna be the one to gossip about it, but just the way that he is, you know, in our scenes, when it comes to all the kissing stuff in the scene.
the fact that he's in drama class, I mean, kind of gay.
Wow, I never would've suspected.
I know.
I feel your pain, I do.
And you just, you know what? Forget about him.
Go out and and find a nice straight guy.
Oh, come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts.
Un-sex me here and fill me from the crown to the toe topful of direst cruelty! Well done.
And who shall present next? Erica and Ethan? You ready? Oh, I'm something.
As sweet repose and rest comes to thy heart as that within my breast! Wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied? What satisfaction canst thou have tonight? The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
But I gave thee mine before thou did request it and yet I would, it were to give again.
Wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, love? But to be frank and give it thee again.
Um Uh Yet I wish for, but the thing I have.
My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love is deep; For the more I give thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.
Bravo! Congratulations on all your performances.
There was murder, intrigue, love.
You should all be very proud of yourselves.
Class dismissed.
No, it was good.
You were great.
Um Ethan, hey.
Hey.
Uh, just now, I mean on stage, not that I'm complaining at all, but I mean, you said that you weren't gonna do the kiss, so Why did you do the kiss? To prove to you that I, Ethan Wakefield, am not gay.
You know, I should be really mad at you for spreading that little rumor.
I, I No-no-no, I get it; I'm a guy in drama and I kind of freaked out when you kissed me.
I am so sorry, Ethan.
It's an honest mistake.
So, you don't, I mean, you don't hate me? I did, at first, but, um I owe you.
For what? Your crazy rumor was a definite conversation starter with Claire.
When I cleared everything up, she asked me out on a date.
It's because of you.
Oh.
So, buds? Buds.
See you soon.
No, Ethan! Ethan, wait! Oh, sorry.
Oh great Well, let me guess Andrea's still on stage with Katie, chipping away at your promotion, bit by naughty bit, and Ethan is, uh Hey, wh-where's Ethan? Dr.
Tom, you know where Ethan is.
Ethan is with Claire.
Oh, really? 'cause you know what? I thought for sure that when you went back to change history, that history would've changed.
History or fate? Oh, Erica.
Now, come on, you should know better than anyone, at this point, that there's no such thing as fate.
But Ethan and Claire, they're clearly meant to be together and I couldn't stop it.
Oh, "men in the game are blind to what men looking on see clearly.
" Chinese proverb.
Okay, so fine, I am blind.
Open my eyes.
Okay, well five months ago, Ethan wanted to kiss you.
Right? And in 1994, Ethan wanted to be with Claire.
So what is the common denominator here? Ethan.
Yeah, Ethan.
Yeah, he's as much a part of the equation as you are, you know.
People a not islands.
We are not separate or on our own.
We are in this together.
And so, you're actions affect Ethan and Ethan's actions affect you and on, and on, and on.
So, it's not that you couldn't change fate; It's that you can't make other peoples' decisions for them.
So, what does Ethan want now? Well, only Ethan can tell you that.
But first thing's first, I would go in and ask for some help.
Because, boy, do you need it! That's the thing! He seemed like a total gentleman.
Now I'm thinking to myself, Well, this guy could be the one.
Okay and then? And then he gets me back to his place, and dude pulls out a feather duster, tells me he's into something called "domestic discipline.
" So kinky, but whatever, I'm open-minded.
So, I get up on his armchair, like he tell me too.
Like this.
Oh I'm up here like this, and he gets me to dust the wall behind it.
So, I'm dusting away, la-la-la-la-la, and then he starts smacking my ass.
I'm dusting and he smacks while I'm dusting and he's smacking away.
Classy.
my ass! Brent Talk to the hand because the Brent isn't listening.
I need your help, Brent.
I really do.
I tried to help you, you pushed me away.
So why should I help you now? Because I thought that I could do it all.
Because I was so determined to make today perfect that I just got lost in the details, and I refused to respect anyone else's opinion other than my own? And? And I was a total, insane, control freak.
Bingo.
All right, I will work my magic, but on one condition: You do everything I tell you to, No questions asked.
I promise.
Good.
All right, now, let's get up on stage.
Isn't that weird? If this book is your life than let's hear it.
'kay.
Whoa.
That domestic discipline thing, is there a website? The life of a single girl, huh, Katie? Oh.
And on that charming note: Scene.
What you just witnessed is every man's nightmare.
An over-sexed, slightly desperate young woman, Excuse me? Willing to suffer date after soul-crushing date, Just to find the one.
She is a victim of every single that's ever been written, until now.
Because "The None" is none of that.
The "The None" is something new, Something ground-breaking, Something Erica Strange.
Who do you think you are? Your destiny.
You free tonight? No.
Maybe I could be.
Hmm Well, I hope you enjoyed our little pre-show.
But Erica, here, Is actually the inspiration for my new book.
An incredible woman who deserves an incredible man, but who has so far been unlucky in love.
Not that I haven't had my fair share of opportunities though.
Why do you think you're still single? You know what? It's this rabid desire, you know, to find "the one.
" It-it sounds like it's about the guy, but really, it's about the girl.
How do you mean? Well, it's the expectations we have, you know? It cuts the male right out of the equation because any good relationship, it's about both people.
You mean, you've spent so many years going after what you want, that you forgot that half of the relationship is actually in somebody else's hands.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
'cause any true relationship, it's never just about yourself.
So So, if you can stop looking at it like that and put aside your desire to find the perfect man, you might just find the man that's perfect for you.
Uh, thanks, Katie.
Okay, those go in the records room and if it's locked, Brent has the key.
Okay.
Look, I'm sorry if I Oh, Meeri, don't apologize for anything.
You did a great job today.
Really.
So thank you.
okay.
Look down.
Look down.
Oh my God.
No guff.
It wasn't too long ago that you were just a a poorly-dressed girl, past her prime, with a penchant for flip-flops.
It's amazing what a few months can do.
Is this for real? Are you serious? I may be tough, but I'm not unfair.
You proved yourself today.
Thank you.
Uh, but I mean, I had a lot of help.
Brent, of course, was invaluable, and Meeri, she's It was a team effort, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
You were the one in charge, so enjoy it.
Oh, we're gonna need to find a new Erica; One who actually knows how to brew a latte.
Definitely.
High-five.
Thank you.
There comes a day when we suddenly realize that the control we seek will forever remain just outside our grasp.
For some, it's a terrifying discovery.
While for others, it's strangely liberating.
If the only person I can control is me, that means I'm off the hook for the other six billion souls making their way in this crazy world.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Coming.
Hey.
Hey.
What happened to knocking on my wall? Can I come in? Where's Claire? Montreal.
Can I come in? What you said to me, I-I didn't like it, Erica.
Well, I didn't like saying it.
But you did and and you weren't wrong.
I was paralyzed, in a way.
Claire held all the cards and when she wanted me back, I Yeah, you went, I know.
But I didn't, not really.
Because you were right.
If I really wanted her, I'd be in Montreal.
I wouldn't be here With you.
every little thing I do trickles down and lands on you when I see your face so bright makes me wanna do What took you so long?! every little thing I every little thing