Bewitched (1964) s01e11 Episode Script

- Mother.
- Good morning, darling.
I have a feeling you're trying to tell me something.
Those were in you-know-who's briefcase.
- So? - Well, don't you care if he carries pictures of other women? Mother, in the advertising business, other women are merely tools of the trade.
- Oh, blind faith is unbecoming to you, Samantha.
Don't you understand? I trust Darrin.
You wouldn't turn a child lose in a candy store, would you? Darrin is not a child.
Well, he's only human.
Isn't that the excuse they always make for themselves, "I'm only human"? They know their limitations better than we do.
Well, I don't think of Darrin as being merely human.
I think of him as being a cut above the ordinary mortal man.
How can a witch of mine be so naive? Mother, will you please go away.
Very well, very well, I'm leaving.
But remember, Samantha no mortal pulls the wool over a witch's eyes while I'm around.
What are these doing here? Thought I left them in my briefcase.
You better eat your breakfast.
You'll be late.
I've been looking at girls for weeks.
Yes, I suppose that could get tiring after a while.
You're not kidding.
Which one do you like best? - For what? - Miss Jasmine, the perfume account.
Oh, yes.
Of course.
Well, let's see, now.
This one has lovely eyes.
And this one has a beautiful mouth.
This one has a great figure.
Gee, I don't know.
Why don't you cut out the best piece of each and paste them together like I used to do.
With paper dolls.
Look, I'm serious, Sam.
The campaign starts tomorrow, and we haven't picked a Miss Jasmine.
Incidentally, we have to forget about having lunch together today.
- How about tomorrow? - Well, all right.
As long as you promise to have lunch alone today and not enjoy it.
I'll do better than that.
I'll have lunch with Larry Tate and really be miserable.
Better get going.
You better get going.
Okay.
But remember, you threw me out.
- So, what do you think? - Marvellous.
Incredible.
Some of the most gorgeous creatures I ever laid eyes on, but I still haven't seen that je ne sais quoi that ethereal quality we need in a Miss Jasmine.
Courage, old friend.
Don't lose faith, we'll find her.
I know that.
I was just thinking about going home to Louise tonight.
I don't know, after a week of looking at these, it seems pointless somehow.
- Now, Larry, you've got a lovely wife.
- I suppose so.
If you'll excuse me, Darrin, I'm going out to try and wipe out the memory of all this.
I never could stand too much of a good thing.
- Yes? - I hoped you'd say that.
- I beg your pardon? - Aren't you looking for a Miss Jasmine? I was.
I mean, we are.
- Won't you sit down, Miss? - Janine Fleur.
Thank you.
Have you done much modelling, Miss Fleur? I'm sure I could be everything you want in a Miss Jasmine, that is.
You might.
Yes, you just might.
Hello, Larry? Can you come in here for a minute? Good.
- Is something wrong? - Wrong? No.
You may solve a very big problem for me, Miss Fleur.
- Janine.
- Well? Well Well.
I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking, Larry.
I won't say anything if you won't.
You've been very quiet tonight.
You have a bad day at the office? Oh, it wasn't a bad day.
It wasn't a good day.
As a matter of fact, it wasn't a bad day.
Well, don't commit yourself.
Anything new on Miss Jasmine? - We found one.
- You did? Oh, that's marvellous.
What's she look like? - Attractive.
- Attractive? You said you needed something gorgeous.
Well, she's sort of gorgeous.
- She's blond, I'll bet.
- No, not really.
Well, what's she look like? Tall, straight nose, experienced.
Well, that could be Abraham Lincoln.
I said she was pretty.
You said she was attractive.
There's a difference.
- What's her name? - Janine Fleur.
Oh, sounds like perfume.
- Does she look like she sounds? - You could say that.
I haven't seen her.
What do you say? - Yes.
- Yes, what? She sounds like perfume, she looks like perfume she even smells like perfume.
- You smelled her? No, of course not.
Not deliberately.
She's exactly what Larry and I have been looking for.
Well, that's wonderful.
Now, how would you like to go to the movies, eat popcorn and smooch? I would love to but I've got to work on some exploitation ideas.
He's very evasive.
That shows interest.
He is only interested in that woman because of business.
You'd better make it your business.
Did you notice that he kissed you on your forehead? The next thing you know, he'll be patting your hand.
"Notes on Jasmine campaign: Janine Fleur, measurements "Adjectives to be used in copy describing her: Provocative, dazzling, ethereal.
Personally supervise photographs for campaign.
Get headshots featuring her large, soft, dark eyes.
Get night shots at beach.
Moonlight.
Janine holding perfume bottle in her long, slender fingers.
Should be irresistible in a bikini.
" - What happened? - You were having a nightmare.
- Didn't seem like one.
- I say it was.
I know a nightmare when I see one.
Go back to sleep, dear.
- Well? - I'd like to change her position a bit.
Figures.
Here, Janine, why don't you try your hand here, stroking the bear's nose.
Thank you.
There you go.
You keep moving her around, we'll be here all day.
I think we've got it now.
Hold it.
- Thank you.
Is that lunch? - Go ahead.
Lunch, Janine.
Oh, wonderful idea.
I'm starving.
Where shall we go? We? I'm afraid I can't.
I'm meeting my wife.
Well, I wouldn't ask you or interfere, except that it's - Well, never mind.
- Well, what is it? Well, it's probably foolish, but I think you'd better get another Miss Jasmine.
Another Miss Jasmine? What for? Now, hold it.
I think we better talk about this.
- But your lunch.
- I'll cancel it.
- Please don't do that because of me.
- My wife will understand.
She knows that at the moment the most important thing is Jasmine Perfume.
- Go and change, and I'll give her a call.
- All right, I'll hurry.
Hello? Oh, hi, darling.
I was just leaving.
What? Oh, no, no.
I understand.
Yes, well, you go ahead.
I'll see you tonight.
Well, well, well.
All dressed up and nowhere to go.
- I am going to have lunch with Darrin.
- Really? One of these days when he's not too busy.
- Oh, I understand, dear.
- No, you don't.
You think my husband is taking another woman to lunch.
- I haven't said a word.
- Well, it's business.
Oh, yes, of course.
Well, I was going to suggest that perhaps we could have lunch together.
Oh, certainly.
You know where Darrin is so you're gonna bring me face to face with him to prove your point.
- I never suggested it.
- I won't.
- Very well.
- I'll tell you what I'll do.
- What? - I am going to take you there and bring you face to face with Darrin to prove my point.
Wait for me, Samantha.
Oh, isn't this delightful.
We must have a waiter.
Waiter.
Menu.
Thank you.
- Mother, are you sure he's here? - Quite sure.
Oh, they have Coquille St.
Jacques.
They make it marvellously here.
Mother.
I don't believe it.
I'm sure I will.
Where is he? I know this is upsetting for you, darling but I'm not in the least surprised.
But, Mother, why? I thought he was happy with me.
It's the spirit of conquest.
It's a disease of mortal men.
Like chickenpox.
Just a moment.
- That girl - I know how you feel, Samantha but I do think we ought to leave before they see us.
Now, Samantha! You're not going to create a scene! All right.
Come off it, Sara.
Dignity, Samantha, dignity.
Well, hello, Samantha.
My, it has been a long time, hasn't it.
Sara Baker.
I should've known.
She's one of us, Mother, although I hate to admit it.
Just what do you think you're doing with my husband? Your husband? Now, I heard you'd done something foolish but I never thought for a moment - You haven't answered my question.
Well, that must be obvious.
I'm Miss Jasmine.
Well, now, I must say I've had enormous respect for Darrin's taste up until now.
Now, just a moment, blithe spirit.
Watch your tone, my girl, you're speaking to my daughter.
Oh, really? Well, now, look who's suddenly so concerned.
- What does that mean? - Pay no attention to her.
You seem terribly solicitous for someone so anxious for me to test your mate's mettle.
Mother! If there's one thing I cannot abide, it's a stool pigeon.
What did you think you'd prove by siccing this broom rider on Darrin? Easy, Samantha.
Be careful what you say.
Well, you haven't proved a thing.
Even Sir Galahad wouldn't be safe with her.
That's better.
Now that this masquerade is over, I trust it won't be necessary to ask you again.
Stay away from Darrin, Sara.
Is that clear? Well, she certainly is sensitive, isn't she? Pity, I was just starting to enjoy myself.
I appreciate your efforts on my behalf, Sara Baker but now you'll do as my daughter asked.
You know how difficult it is for me to leave something unfinished, Endora.
Force yourself.
All of us at McMann & Tate are behind you 100 percent to make you the best Miss Jasmine there ever was.
- I want you to believe that.
- I do believe you, Darrin and I won't think about leaving again.
You wouldn't want me to start something I couldn't finish? Of course not.
I want Where did all the time go? We haven't even had our lunch.
We'd better get back.
- We'll talk about this some other time.
- Oh, yes, indeed.
Some other time.
Waiter.
Hello? Oh, hello, darling.
How are you? You're not? Yes, dear.
Business.
Miss Jasmine.
Oh, I understand.
No, I'm fine.
Yes, sweetheart.
See you later.
- She won't give up, eh? - That home-wrecking harpy.
Professional pride, I suppose.
She's not gonna get away with it.
I'm gonna tell Darrin that she's a witch.
I wouldn't try to convince him he's susceptible to witches, Samantha.
I never used one single spell on Darrin.
You may have a difficult time convincing him of that.
Mother, what am I going to do? You have no choice.
I guess not.
I suppose every woman has to face this at one time or another.
Darrin will just have to be on his own with no help from anyone.
- Yes, but, darling - And so will I.
- All finished? - Almost.
How are things coming with Miss Jasmine? I think we're getting some good layouts.
Fine.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
Where you going? - Home.
- Do you have to? - Yes.
- Louise is waiting for you, I suppose.
Well, is it urgent that you go home right at this minute? Not if you have somewhere else for me to go.
- I do have.
- Where? Janine Fleur's apartment.
- Really? - With me.
- Why? - I've got business to take care of with Janine, and I'd rather not do it alone.
I brought Larry along to approve some of these changes you asked me to come over and make.
Yes, of course.
May I fix you both a drink? - Yes, thank you.
- No, thank you.
Just a little one.
Well, fine.
Larry, these television spots need a little Larry.
Oh, yes.
They certainly do need a little.
Yes.
- I was going to say "fixing.
" - I'm not arguing with you.
There you are.
Well, here's to your very good health, Miss Fleur.
- Of course.
- Thank you.
- Are they all right? - Mine's wonderful.
I think I'll lay down and take a nap.
Meantime, I'll take care of Janine.
Isn't it getting crowded in here? Sara, I'm going to lay it right on the line with you.
I love my husband, and I also have a great deal of faith in him.
Oh, is that why you're here? Looking after him? He can take care of himself as long as you don't pull anything fancy.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, of course not.
He was suddenly bitten by a tsetse fly.
Samoan lotus leaf.
Now, at least let him act of his own free will.
I thought you had more pride than that.
Believe me, Samantha, I have no need of help.
If I'm going to lose Darrin to something like you it's better that I find out now.
Remember what I said.
His own free will.
And go over the papers right away.
Is that all right with you, Larry? - Oh, sure.
- Why don't we sit over here.
- The light's a bit better.
- Oh, fine.
Come on over, Larry.
All right.
Yes, here we are.
Now, in this first set-up - Why don't you go on home, Larry.
- I'd be glad to.
Two's company and three's a crowd.
- Where you going, Larry? - Home, I think.
Well, what for? I don't know, but I don't think it was my idea.
- Well, wait for me, will you? - Sure.
I think I need another drink.
All right, now, I think the dialogue that probably gives you the most trouble is on page three.
- You're absolutely right.
- It seems to me, if you said: "Jasmine introduces a new sensation" rather than "a new essence" that might make it easier.
Wouldn't you say so, Larry? Larry? That's the strangest thing I've ever seen.
He keeps going to - Kiss you.
- What did you say? I said, I wanna kiss you more than anything else in the world.
Go ahead.
What in? That wasn't funny, Samantha.
Well, I warned you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd just as soon keep my husband alive.
Get out of here, or I'Il You'll what? You know what I'm capable of doing.
I'd say we were pretty evenly matched.
Sort of reduces this to the human level, doesn't it? How would you like a poke in the nose? - I'm not a brawler.
- I didn't think so.
Pardon the intrusion.
- What did you do that for? - I'm sorry, Darrin.
It slipped.
Never mind, I probably had it coming.
- What happened to you? - Nothing, where were you? I think I took another nap.
- I feel great.
- I'll see you tomorrow, Janine.
But, Darrin, we have things to talk about.
I don't mind breaking dinner dates with my wife for something important but there's nothing here that can't be fixed down at the office.
- Are you coming, Larry? - You run along.
You're absolutely right.
Samantha must be concerned about you.
Suit yourself.
All right.
Well, now, Miss Fleur, suppose we talk about your problems.
Now what? I realise that this is none of my business, Sara but Louise Tate happens to be a very dear friend.
Some other time.
My wife is waiting for me too.
Oh, yes, if you can't stay, I understand.
Then I wish you'd explain it to me.
Come in.
- Hello, darling.
- Hi, sweetheart.
This time I didn't take any chances.
I didn't phone, I just came right down.
I've got it written on my calendar in big red letters: - "Lunch, my wife, urgent.
" - Good.
- Oh, is that Miss Jasmine? - Yep, that's her.
Let's go, dear.