Buck Rogers in the 25th Century s01e11 Episode Script
Cosmic Wiz Kid
You'd better take pretty good care of me if you know what's good for you: [Narrator.]
Gary Coleman rockets into the 25th century as the president of a distant planet, trapped on a world where only Buck Rogers can save him: I want that boy found: - Whose side are you on? - He's from Old Earth, 20th century: Your time: I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you, Captain: - You gotta watch these people every minute: - Hmm: [Man Narrating.]
The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes: In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck'"Rogers, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems: : : And returns Buck Rogers to Earth: : : You have an appointment with the Science Council in 20 minutes, Mr: President: Something about redesigning the aqueducts: Yeah, yeah, I know: If it isn't the aqueducts, it's the sewage system, and if it isn't that, it's the transport tubes: How did you people ever develop indoor plumbing before you thawed me out? I wouldn't know, Mr: President: That was a little before my time: Um, that's another thing: I wish you wouldn't call me "Mr: President:" Makes me feel like I'm 500 years old: But you are 500 years old: [Scoffs.]
My mistake, Mr: President: - Sorry, Hieronymus: - That isn't much better, is it? Go back to "Mr: President:" Okay: [Bell Ringing.]
Something wrong? We overshot our floor: I can't bring it to a stop: Uh-oh: [Sniffing.]
Monolithium oxide: We'll be unconscious within minutes, but no serious aftereffects: [Coughing.]
I'm sorry, Hieronymus: It's all my fault: Don't Don't blame yourself: Just: : : Do me a favor, will you? When you keel over, try not to fall on me: This is Koren: Operation went as planned: Excellent: The president is unharmed? Sleeping peacefully: See to it he stays that way: He's too valuable to be damaged in any way: I'll contact the Genesian government immediately and present our demands: Zale out: But you must help me: The president's life depends on it: You're the boy's bodyguard, eh? Yes, although apparently not enough of one: Look, I failed him once: I won't fail him again: Lieutenant, for years, Genesia has shunned diplomatic relations with Earth: We have no treaty with your government: Therefore, we cannot interfere in the affairs of a sovereign planet: My government doesn't even know that I've come to you: When I'd heard that you'd turned down their formal request for aid, I thought that a personal request might be more effective: A child's life is at stake here: He may be a genius, but he is still a little boy: Lieutenant, if we could help you, we would: Our hands are tied: I see: Well, thank you for seeing me: I'll just have to fend for myself: - Good day: - [Door Opens.]
Well, hello: And what is your name? Lieutenant Cyrton: Dia Cyrton: Ah: Pleased to meet you: Buck Rogers is mine: Buck Rogers? The same Buck Rogers who broke that woman out of detention on Zeta Minor? Well, I had a little help: I've heard a great deal about you, Captain Rogers: It's a pleasure to meet you: Maybe we'll see each other again: Maybe: Who was she? No one you should be concerned about at all: Oh, I don't know about that: I thought you'd be on your vacation by now: Well, I was on my way, but I thought I'd drop off a gift for Dr: Huer first: Twiki? [Chirping.]
Hold your horses: - It's a tree: - Not quite, Colonel: It's a Ficus decora, commonly known as a rubber plant: Yeah: Isn't it beautiful? I had to go to three hydroponics labs to find one: [Chirping.]
Somebody wanna take this thing? Sorry, Twiki: There we are: Well, I'm extremely touched, Buck, but I don't think I'd know how to take proper care of such a thing: Oh, it's a snap, Doc: You just water it twice a week and feed it once a month: It'll grow on ya: That's just what I'm afraid of: [Chuckles.]
Well, I gotta get back to packing: Oh, and thank you again, Buck: It's very thoughtful of you: - My pleasure, Doc: I'll see you both in a couple weeks: - Enjoy yourself: [Chirping.]
Don't do anything I wouldn't do: [Chuckling.]
Uh, Colonel, I don't suppose you'd be interested in a little added decoration for Not on your life: No, no, I didn't think so: I wish we didn't have to lie to the lieutenant: It's obvious she cares a great deal for the boy: I'm afraid we can't let anyone know that we're about to become: : : Unofficially involved in this case, Colonel: We can't refuse a call for help, but at the same time, we cannot violate Federation law, at least not openly: Are you certain that Roderick Zale is the person responsible for the abduction? Positive: We've also correlated all of Zale's known hideouts: There is a 93% probability: : : That he is holding the president on Aldebaran 2: Uh-oh: Perfect place to hide somebody: No law enforcement to speak of: : : And certainly no stellar authorities to worry about: Exactly: Now we've arranged a cover for you: : : As a technician in the general service center in the capital city of Barony: Take this voiceprint of Zale's and pinpoint his location: And remember, you have but one week to locate Hieronymus Fox: : : Before his abductors kill him: Piece of cake: [Clicks Tongue.]
Piece of cake: I wish someone would tell me what that means: Hey! Easy on the threads! Where'd they pick you up anyway, on the remainder table? By all means, Koren, treat our guest with some respect: After all, he's about to make us all rich men: Greetings, Mr: President: My name is Your name is Roderick Zale: Your specialty is political abduction, and your modus operandi sticks out like a sore thumb: Half the galaxy probably knows you're the one who snatched me: You're as perceptive as I was told: How much you askin' for me? [Chuckles.]
A reasonable price: Six thousand kilograms of pure quadrillium: [Snickers.]
Ain't no way the Genesians are gonna cough up that much loot, pal: I don't even think we got that much quadrillium on the whole planet: Then they'd better find it somewhere: : : Or within a week, their technological miracle worker will die: Aw, come on, Zale: I'm worth more to you alive than dead any day of the week: Even if the Genesians don't pay up, you can make a fortune selling my brains to the highest bidder: So don't give me any of that Dr: Doom jive: You better take pretty good care of me: : : If you know what's good for you, starting right now: Now then, first of all, there's food: I have what you might call a voracious appetite: General Service provides a complete line of food discs and soy supplements: Food discs? Are you kidding? I mean real food: : : Like French fries, milk shakes, cheeseburgers: - Cheeseburgers? - An old 20th-century delicacy: Meat patties made from an extinct animal called a cow: In a pinch, though, you could use a Rigellian mountain lizard: - Mountain lizard? - Call the service center: Get him whatever he wants: Just don't bother me with it: Now then, for breakfast, I usually like scrambled eggs with peppers and onions: An onion is a bulbous plant that you grow in the dirt: Wait till you hear what's in the milk shake: [Muzak.]
All right, enough already! [Stops.]
I feel like I'm in a department store: How about giving me some of my music? [Rewinding.]
[Rock.]
That's better: Much better: God bless Dr: Junius and the archives: [Beeps.]
Come in: Well, hi: Lieutenant Cyrton, isn't it? That's right: With the rain of Shambala What exactly is that? Three Dog Night: The what? Never mind: Listen, I hope you don't think I'm being rude, but my flight leaves in 20 minutes: I'm meeting someone on Regulus 5: I really wish I had more time to talk to you: Oh, that's all right: I don't have time for an extended conversation either: Well, maybe we can get together when I get back Aw: Why'd you do that? Like I said, Captain, I don't have time to convince you to come with me: That's all right: I really like you better this way: Where're we going? To rescue the president: Oh, right, right! Rescue the president: What president? Hieronymus Fox, President of Genesia: Ask a silly question [Buck.]
Lieutenant, this better be a joke: And if it is a joke, it better have one great punch line: No joke, Captain: I'm sorry I had to do it this way, but from all I've heard, you're the best man for the job, and I'm going to need the best if I'm to recover Hieronymus: I mean, the president: Well, look, there's something you don't understand: I'm meeting a lady named Tangie, and if I don't show up, I'm gonna be missed: Besides, whenever we land, wherever we land, I'm just gonna hightail it out of there no matter how many hypos you pull on me: So why don't you just save yourself a lot of trouble, pull this ship around and take me back to Earth right now? Captain, Hieronymus Fox is not a native Genesian: He's from Old Earth, 20th century: Your time: You're kidding: He was a child genius: He graduated from college at the age of nine, got his Ph: D: In physics at the age of 10: When the holocaust began, he created a device to preserve people in a cold sleep: But it was only an experimental model: The war escalated, and in the end, he didn't dare risk anyone's life but his own: If all this is true, then why didn't Dr: Huer tell me about it when I first awoke? Dr: Huer doesn't know: After the holocaust, while your civilization was still in ruins, Earth was looted by aliens: Hieronymus has been handed down from one generation to another, one planet to another So then the Genesians got hold of him, decided he was worth his weight in gold and kept him, hmm? Do you wonder why we hesitated to open up diplomatic relationships with Earth? I mean, if you Terrans had known what we'd done So why should I help you recover this kid? So you can make him a prisoner again? Oh, Captain, he wasn't a prisoner: Hieronymus helped us because he wanted to: In gratitude, we made him our president: Now he's been kidnapped: Will you help us recover him? If he is from the 20th century, you couldn't keep me away: All right: Do you have any idea where he's being held captive? My informants say he's being held on Aldebaran 2, somewhere outside the capital city of Barony: Aldebaran 2: Terrific: Another visit to the Barbary Coast of space: You know the last time I was there I was almost killed? Me too: Great place, isn't it? This trip is gonna be a whole lotta fun: So, here's the central core of our operation: The nerve center, you would call it: From here we dispatch food, supplies, fuel and power to all the surrounding territories: I'm not going too fast for you, am I, Deering? I mean, I know you organic life-forms need lots of time to assimilate information: I wouldn't want to strain your synapses: I was just noticing your vid-screens: I take it they're monitoring all incoming requests for supplies from private residences? Oh, very good, Deering: They didn't give you that degree in electronics for nothing, did they? Now, if you're through belaboring the obvious, I want to show you where you'll be stationed: Please: Nolan! Caulkins! Break time is over: Don't you humans ever get done eating? Organic scum: You've got to watch them every minute: Okay, Deering, here's your station: We'll start you right at the top with the garbage: [Chuckles.]
You'll monitor the rate at which the sewage flows under the city: - Wonderful: - I knew you'd like it: Oh, and, Deering, I like to keep an eye on my workers: It makes me feel more secure: So if you slip up, I'll know about it: [Laughing.]
Excuse me: Mr: Koren? Yes: Well, you certainly fit your description: M: D: Toman: I'm here to see Mr: Zale: Oh, yes: He mentioned it: What is it you do again, Mr: Toman: Well, you might say I'm in pest control: Right this way: Thank you: [Whirs.]
What is that? Transport tube: Sends out supplies from Barony: - Oh: - Where do you come from anyway? Lansing 12: Never heard of it: Must be one of the lesser quadrants: Not really: The entertainment discs you wanted: Koren, you got the manners of a sand squid: I try: [Koren.]
Keep an eye on him and don't let him out of your sight: Mr: Zale, someone to see you: Well, of course: You must be M: D: Toman: Pleased to meet you: Well, well, come in, come in: Come in, Mr: Toman: Sit down: You're just in time: I just had a call from the spaceport: The president's bodyguard, Dia Cyrton, is here on Aldebaran: She's acquired the services of a Terran named Rogers: Buck Rogers: Obviously they plan to rescue our prisoner: - Oh, I can take care of them: - Don't be ridiculous, Koren: That's what Toman is here for: I have the exclusive services of Mr: Toman for a week: - You mean he's going to - Kill them: Mr: Toman is going to kill Dia Cyrton and Buck Rogers: All my informant knew was that Zale was within 50 kilometers of Barony: That makes sense: None of the transport tubes extend any further out from the city than that: Do you have any idea how we can narrow that radius down a bit? Well, I was told there might be someone here who could help us: He's an information broker: He comes from Dyson 3, and his name is [Man.]
Looking for me? Over here, by the trylon table: I could've sworn I heard that voice in my head: You did: Over here: Selmar? I was given your name by I know who gave it to you: Yes, well, my name is Dia Cyrton, Lieutenant in the Genesian Starfleet: And Buck Rogers, Captain, Earth Defense Directorate: Yeah: We're looking for Roderick Zale: Captain, there's nothing you can tell me that I didn't know the moment you stepped into this room: Unfortunately, I can't help you: Not that I wouldn't like to for the right price: I have money, as much as you need: Lieutenant, that isn't the point: Unless Zale or one of his people comes into my psionic range we should say 50 or 60 meters I can't tell you anything: Even telepaths have their limitations: I see: Well, if you happen to hear anything You'll be staying at the Hotel Barony: Yeah, right: Guy must be a blast at cocktail parties: [Selmar.]
I heard that: [Humming.]
[Door Opens.]
Well, it's about time: I've been waiting for you: Boy, these people have got a lot to learn about making cheeseburgers: Whew! - Hey, CurlyJoe: - Why do you keep calling me that? No reason: These cruddy earphones you got me are defective: - What do you mean, defective? - See for yourself: [Loud Tone.]
Pleasant dreams, Curly: Thirty-fourth and Lexington, and step on it: [Zale.]
Cyrton and Rogers were seen at the casino on Darkover Street: Toman should be arriving there shortly: And ifToman doesn't kill them? He will: But even if they escape, they'll just be walking right into our hands: Oh! Sorry, fella: Excuse me: Let me give you a hand with that: Just who do you think you are anyhow? Look, it was an accident: I didn't mean to spill it on you: You're going to be an accident in a minute: You know, it really hurts me that you won't accept my apology: Well, if you're gonna be contrite about it, apology accepted: He sure put you back in line: Yeah: Barely escaped with my life: Look, I've been thinking: We ought to be able to find Zale's hideout: : : Through a little aerial reconnaissance: But how? You told me that Zale has a squadron of starfighters at his disposal: That must mean he has a private flight hangar as well: We could use the heat sensors on board your ship: : : To detect any unusual energy sources in the area and Yeah? Excuse me: Are you Captain Rogers? That's right: Good: Sorry: Can't let you do that: I'm terribly sorry about this, Captain, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you: You're sorry? He must be from Lansing 12, heavy gravity planet: - Knock him out! - I'm trying! Why, you little jerk! Hold it:! You can stop running now: You're safe: Where'd you come from? I have that information you wanted, concerning Roderick Zale and President Hieronymus Fox of Genesia: But how? Five minutes ago, you didn't know a thing: True, but three minutes ago, Mr: M: D: Toman, that formidable little man back there, walked into the casino, and I took a good long look into his mind: He works for Roderick Zale: I can tell you your president's exact location: : : For, say, 3,000 credits: Here: Now where is he? In a private home located 36 kilometers south-southwest of Barony: Here, let me implant the exact coordinates in your minds: [Beeping.]
- There: - [Groans.]
Thanks: Whew! What's the security like around Zale's place? Close to impenetrable: Terrific: Well, at least we know where your president is: [Zale.]
I'd like to remind the committee that I appear here today: : : As a courtesy, not an obligation: [Man.]
This is Residence 473, Sector "l: '" We would like to order another [Man #2.]
This is Resident 742, Sector "J:" What's the idea taking four days to [Man #3.]
This is Residence 439, Sector "C:" This is the third time I've called in: [Man #4.]
Uh, this is Residence 747, Sector "D:" Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, but you know that chute [Chattering Continues.]
Dr: Huer, I've punched in our voiceprint of Roderick Zale: The computer is comparing all voices recorded here within the last week: Excellent: And your cover is still secure? Affirmative: I'm probably taking a chance: : : Coming in here this early in the morning, but it's the only chance I've had so far: [Zale.]
I'd like to remind the committee that I appear here today as a courtesy, not an obligation: - Bingo! - Bingo? What? One of Buck's expressions: It means "I think I found it:" You mean the computer has found a match for Zale's voiceprint? [Zale Speaking.]
There's a:007 deviation between the two prints: I'll have to run a tracer to triple check: Deering out: Deering, who are you talking to? Uh, I don't know what you're talking about: Yes, you do, and I know exactly what you're up to: You're using those monitors: : : To find out when those rich people's houses outside of town are empty: : : So you and whomever you're working with can rob them, right? Uh Uh You humans are all alike: Always scheming to take something away from one another: That's what I like about Aldebaran: It's the kind of planet that destroys your faith in human nature: [Laughing.]
Where are you going? Oh, don't worry, Deering: I don't care what petty thefts you're up to: It just confirms my opinion of the lower organisms: [Laughing.]
There must be an easier way to reach Zale: As a matter of fact, I think there is: What about the maintenance android? Come on: Halt! That transport is city property! Halt! That transport is city property! Halt! That transport is city property! Send me a letter: City property! Halt! That's city property! Halt! Okay, M Oh, no: It must be that way: He turned that vid-player we gave him into some sort of sonic pacifier: Now, how he got out of the house, I have no idea: I should have known better: But because he looked so harmless, I underestimated the president's resourcefulness and his genius: He could have slipped through a window, which means he's somewhere down on the grounds right now: In that case, he'll never make it past the photon shield: But I don't want him injuring himself on our defenses: Toman, go down into the woods: Find Hieronymus Fox: And this time, do a more efficient job than you did with Rogers and Cyrton: Yes, Mr: Zale: You too: I want that boy found: Move! I hope Zale doesn't know we're on our way: If he does, he'll move Hieronymus to another location: I wish that didn't make so much sense: Oh, boy: What is that? I'm sure I could deactivate the force field from the other side: If there were some way to get around the light poles Instead of around it, how about over it? What? Come on: Haven't you ever heard of the Flying Wallendas? No, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what you're talking about: - You okay? - No problem: I always thought my elbows were my least attractive feature anyway: Well, you said this mission was going to be exciting: That was me, wasn't it? Ah: [Whirring.]
[Whirring.]
There we go: Okay: From here on, it's all uphill: Oh, terrific: Dr: Huer, I've traced Zale's call: He's located in a private residence [Chattering.]
Uh-oh: The morning shift is coming back in: I'll check back with you again on my way to Zale's: Deering out: [Groans.]
[Rustling.]
Gee, did anybody get the number of that spaceship? Uh-oh: Uh Uh, hi, there: I bet you're wondering what I'm doing in your parcel bin: Actually, I'm not a real person at all: I'm a doll: That's it: Uh A preprogrammed cybernetic doll: My name is Ken: Mr: President, are you all right? Uh, before I answer that, whose side are you on? Yours: Colonel Deering from the Earth Defense Directorate: How did you get away from Zale? Nothing to it: I just did a quick impersonation of a sack of groceries: Well, I guess I'm a little late: Nope: You're just in time: Now, my bodyguard, Dia Cyrton, is here on Aldebaran: She and somebody named Buck Rogers are on their way to Zale's place right now: - Buck? - Yeah, and if we don't get back there and help them, they're both gonna get wasted: You know what "wasted" means? Yes: I've heard the term before: Okay, here's what we've got to do: Now, first: : : Get me out of this bin, please: What's that? It's called a photon shield: A 25th-century minefield: Yeah, except that the entire field is a mine: One step, and we'd be paralyzed instantly: Unless I use this, that is: Very nice: Some sort of energy-damping device? It's only temporary, I assure you: Well, let's keep moving: Well, what have we here? Trespassers! Hello again, Captain Rogers: I believe we have some unfinished business to settle: Hold it: They may know where the kid is: We'll take them up to Zale: Then you can do whatever you like with them: I wonder what Moses would've done: The Genesian government has just received another warning from the kidnappers, repeating their threat to kill the president at the end of this week: They're bluffing: I just left Hieronymus 20 minutes ago: - You mean you've already freed him? - More like he freed himself: Well, then you're on your way back to Earth: Not exactly: Lieutenant Cyrton got Buck involved in this somehow: They're up in Zale's stronghold right now: I can only hope and pray they're still alive: Good heavens: [Chirping.]
What a bummer: I see: And you're going to their aid: Where did you hide the president? Well, I didn't exactly hide him: Hieronymus got a chance to study Zale's defenses, and the only way to penetrate them is to deactivate them from the inside: And the only one who could sneak in and do that is No: No, Colonel: I don't want to hear this: I don't want to have to tell the Genesian government: : : That their president is walking right back into the peril that we're supposed to get him out of: He knows what he's doing: He's sneaking in there the same way he got out, through the transport tubes: Besides, it's his decision: Lieutenant Cyrton is his friend, and we have to do something or she and Buck will die: Well, in that case, I understand, Colonel: Just keep me apprised of your progress: - And be careful: Huer out: - Deering out: [Sighs.]
Well, what do you think? I believe Colonel Deering and Captain Rogers have the situation well in hand: [Chirping.]
He also believes in the Easter bunny: Oh, Buck, I'm sorry: If I'd known all this would happen, I never would've gotten you involved: That's all right: Don't worry about it: I make my own decisions: Besides, it's not over with yet: Yes, but Dia, be quiet: [Door Opens.]
Inside: We're not gonna tell them where the kid is, and that's that: Yes, but, Buck, they'll kill us: The woman's right, Rogers: If you do know where the president is hiding down there, you better tell us: Otherwise, you'll both die very shortly: And if we do tell you, we'll probably still die, won't we? There are many ways to die long and short: Now, once again, where is the boy? As a matter of fact, we don't know: We were sent here to rescue him, and we can't find him: You know something, Rogers? I think you really don't know where the president is: You want us to think you do to postpone the inevitable, that's all: Take them down to the hangar: It's a good, long walk down there: If they know anything, they may change their minds on the way: And if they don't? Then activate one of my starfighters: : : And place them directly in front of the ion stream: That should dispose of their bodies: : : Quickly and neatly: Let's go: Send out the next warning to Genesia on schedule: We can't allow them to think anything has gone wrong: What is it? It's lizard meat from Rigel 4: More of the kid's weird food: Let it rot: This is absurd: A ten-year-old child can't elude us forever: I'm ordering every guard we have down there: We'll find him if we have to defoliate the entire forest: Another few hundred meters, and we'll be in the flight hangar: Would you mind getting that door, Captain? - Do you mind if I ask you something? - Not at all: - How does one become a - Terminator? - Yeah: - That's quite a long story: You see, on my world, people grew stronger muscles to compensate for the heavier gravity: And to tell you the truth, on my planet I'm considered somewhat of a weakling: Hmm: And on planets with lesser gravity? I can do this: You see, I realized early in life: : : I could either stay on my world and be a librarian: : : Or go off-planet and put my talents to use: Now, if you don't mind, the door: [Beeps.]
[Powering Down.]
Attaboy, Hieronymus: Thanks: [Beeping.]
Going somewhere, Mr: President? [Man On P: A:.]
Alert:! Security androids, report to guard posts: What is that? You're asking us? Listen, if you want to go check it out, we'll promise to wait: Until I find out what's going on, we'll keep moving: Well, your shoes are untied: Alert:! Security androids, report to guard post: Alert:! See? I told you you could knock him out: Son of a gun: Come on: Let's go find your president: Koren to Zale: Come in, Zale: Mr: Zale! Mr: Zale! Maybe he slipped back under his rock: Shut up, or so help me, I'll kill you right here and now: I think she might have something to say about that: That one is almost as old as you are: Old but true, Mr: Koren: Mighty nice shootin', Colonel: Thank you, Mr: President: Man, I haven't tasted food like that in 500 years: Yes, it was quite unusual: What did you say? Chili? Mexican chili: It's a blend of herbs, spices, vegetables, meat: Where on Earth did you find the meat? [Chuckles.]
You don't want to know: You know, Hieronymus, I'm going to be real sorry to see you go back to Genesia: You're the first person I've met from my own time: Probably the last: [Chirping.]
He's sure the shortest: You wanna say that again, transistor face? - [Chirping.]
- What did he say? He was apologizing, Mr: President: - No, I wasn't: - [Theo.]
Oh, yes, you were: Do you want to start an interstellar incident? Do you want the blood of thousands on your pincers? You know, Buck, I get the feeling you're starting to like the 25th century: Yeah, I guess I am: People are people, no matter what century they're in, and we've got some pretty nice ones here: Once in a while, I kind of miss the way things were: Don't you? Oh, sure: I miss cheeseburgers and comic books: : : And rock music and Saturday morning cartoons: Maybe things are kind of plastic here, but you can't say they're dull: I mean, how many people do you know get to live in their future? I guess you got a point, Hieronymus: Looks like we're both pretty lucky: By the way, Buck, you never did take that vacation you started off on: Perhaps you'd consider taking it on Genesia: That sounds like a good idea: What do you say, Mr: President? Could I stay at the presidential estate? Well, I had to turn the presidential estate into a civic center last month: But I got a little condominium across town you could stay at: Sauna, hot tub, tennis: - You play tennis? - Well, not me, personally: My reach is kind of short: But I instituted it as the new national sport a few months ago, replacing gladiatorial games: You gotta watch these people every minute: Mm: Sounds like some kind of paradise, Hieronymus: Well, that's what they need me for to make things better: Say, how about making some more of that chili? That last batch was good, but it had way too many scales in it: Scales? Scales?
Gary Coleman rockets into the 25th century as the president of a distant planet, trapped on a world where only Buck Rogers can save him: I want that boy found: - Whose side are you on? - He's from Old Earth, 20th century: Your time: I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you, Captain: - You gotta watch these people every minute: - Hmm: [Man Narrating.]
The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes: In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck'"Rogers, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems: : : And returns Buck Rogers to Earth: : : You have an appointment with the Science Council in 20 minutes, Mr: President: Something about redesigning the aqueducts: Yeah, yeah, I know: If it isn't the aqueducts, it's the sewage system, and if it isn't that, it's the transport tubes: How did you people ever develop indoor plumbing before you thawed me out? I wouldn't know, Mr: President: That was a little before my time: Um, that's another thing: I wish you wouldn't call me "Mr: President:" Makes me feel like I'm 500 years old: But you are 500 years old: [Scoffs.]
My mistake, Mr: President: - Sorry, Hieronymus: - That isn't much better, is it? Go back to "Mr: President:" Okay: [Bell Ringing.]
Something wrong? We overshot our floor: I can't bring it to a stop: Uh-oh: [Sniffing.]
Monolithium oxide: We'll be unconscious within minutes, but no serious aftereffects: [Coughing.]
I'm sorry, Hieronymus: It's all my fault: Don't Don't blame yourself: Just: : : Do me a favor, will you? When you keel over, try not to fall on me: This is Koren: Operation went as planned: Excellent: The president is unharmed? Sleeping peacefully: See to it he stays that way: He's too valuable to be damaged in any way: I'll contact the Genesian government immediately and present our demands: Zale out: But you must help me: The president's life depends on it: You're the boy's bodyguard, eh? Yes, although apparently not enough of one: Look, I failed him once: I won't fail him again: Lieutenant, for years, Genesia has shunned diplomatic relations with Earth: We have no treaty with your government: Therefore, we cannot interfere in the affairs of a sovereign planet: My government doesn't even know that I've come to you: When I'd heard that you'd turned down their formal request for aid, I thought that a personal request might be more effective: A child's life is at stake here: He may be a genius, but he is still a little boy: Lieutenant, if we could help you, we would: Our hands are tied: I see: Well, thank you for seeing me: I'll just have to fend for myself: - Good day: - [Door Opens.]
Well, hello: And what is your name? Lieutenant Cyrton: Dia Cyrton: Ah: Pleased to meet you: Buck Rogers is mine: Buck Rogers? The same Buck Rogers who broke that woman out of detention on Zeta Minor? Well, I had a little help: I've heard a great deal about you, Captain Rogers: It's a pleasure to meet you: Maybe we'll see each other again: Maybe: Who was she? No one you should be concerned about at all: Oh, I don't know about that: I thought you'd be on your vacation by now: Well, I was on my way, but I thought I'd drop off a gift for Dr: Huer first: Twiki? [Chirping.]
Hold your horses: - It's a tree: - Not quite, Colonel: It's a Ficus decora, commonly known as a rubber plant: Yeah: Isn't it beautiful? I had to go to three hydroponics labs to find one: [Chirping.]
Somebody wanna take this thing? Sorry, Twiki: There we are: Well, I'm extremely touched, Buck, but I don't think I'd know how to take proper care of such a thing: Oh, it's a snap, Doc: You just water it twice a week and feed it once a month: It'll grow on ya: That's just what I'm afraid of: [Chuckles.]
Well, I gotta get back to packing: Oh, and thank you again, Buck: It's very thoughtful of you: - My pleasure, Doc: I'll see you both in a couple weeks: - Enjoy yourself: [Chirping.]
Don't do anything I wouldn't do: [Chuckling.]
Uh, Colonel, I don't suppose you'd be interested in a little added decoration for Not on your life: No, no, I didn't think so: I wish we didn't have to lie to the lieutenant: It's obvious she cares a great deal for the boy: I'm afraid we can't let anyone know that we're about to become: : : Unofficially involved in this case, Colonel: We can't refuse a call for help, but at the same time, we cannot violate Federation law, at least not openly: Are you certain that Roderick Zale is the person responsible for the abduction? Positive: We've also correlated all of Zale's known hideouts: There is a 93% probability: : : That he is holding the president on Aldebaran 2: Uh-oh: Perfect place to hide somebody: No law enforcement to speak of: : : And certainly no stellar authorities to worry about: Exactly: Now we've arranged a cover for you: : : As a technician in the general service center in the capital city of Barony: Take this voiceprint of Zale's and pinpoint his location: And remember, you have but one week to locate Hieronymus Fox: : : Before his abductors kill him: Piece of cake: [Clicks Tongue.]
Piece of cake: I wish someone would tell me what that means: Hey! Easy on the threads! Where'd they pick you up anyway, on the remainder table? By all means, Koren, treat our guest with some respect: After all, he's about to make us all rich men: Greetings, Mr: President: My name is Your name is Roderick Zale: Your specialty is political abduction, and your modus operandi sticks out like a sore thumb: Half the galaxy probably knows you're the one who snatched me: You're as perceptive as I was told: How much you askin' for me? [Chuckles.]
A reasonable price: Six thousand kilograms of pure quadrillium: [Snickers.]
Ain't no way the Genesians are gonna cough up that much loot, pal: I don't even think we got that much quadrillium on the whole planet: Then they'd better find it somewhere: : : Or within a week, their technological miracle worker will die: Aw, come on, Zale: I'm worth more to you alive than dead any day of the week: Even if the Genesians don't pay up, you can make a fortune selling my brains to the highest bidder: So don't give me any of that Dr: Doom jive: You better take pretty good care of me: : : If you know what's good for you, starting right now: Now then, first of all, there's food: I have what you might call a voracious appetite: General Service provides a complete line of food discs and soy supplements: Food discs? Are you kidding? I mean real food: : : Like French fries, milk shakes, cheeseburgers: - Cheeseburgers? - An old 20th-century delicacy: Meat patties made from an extinct animal called a cow: In a pinch, though, you could use a Rigellian mountain lizard: - Mountain lizard? - Call the service center: Get him whatever he wants: Just don't bother me with it: Now then, for breakfast, I usually like scrambled eggs with peppers and onions: An onion is a bulbous plant that you grow in the dirt: Wait till you hear what's in the milk shake: [Muzak.]
All right, enough already! [Stops.]
I feel like I'm in a department store: How about giving me some of my music? [Rewinding.]
[Rock.]
That's better: Much better: God bless Dr: Junius and the archives: [Beeps.]
Come in: Well, hi: Lieutenant Cyrton, isn't it? That's right: With the rain of Shambala What exactly is that? Three Dog Night: The what? Never mind: Listen, I hope you don't think I'm being rude, but my flight leaves in 20 minutes: I'm meeting someone on Regulus 5: I really wish I had more time to talk to you: Oh, that's all right: I don't have time for an extended conversation either: Well, maybe we can get together when I get back Aw: Why'd you do that? Like I said, Captain, I don't have time to convince you to come with me: That's all right: I really like you better this way: Where're we going? To rescue the president: Oh, right, right! Rescue the president: What president? Hieronymus Fox, President of Genesia: Ask a silly question [Buck.]
Lieutenant, this better be a joke: And if it is a joke, it better have one great punch line: No joke, Captain: I'm sorry I had to do it this way, but from all I've heard, you're the best man for the job, and I'm going to need the best if I'm to recover Hieronymus: I mean, the president: Well, look, there's something you don't understand: I'm meeting a lady named Tangie, and if I don't show up, I'm gonna be missed: Besides, whenever we land, wherever we land, I'm just gonna hightail it out of there no matter how many hypos you pull on me: So why don't you just save yourself a lot of trouble, pull this ship around and take me back to Earth right now? Captain, Hieronymus Fox is not a native Genesian: He's from Old Earth, 20th century: Your time: You're kidding: He was a child genius: He graduated from college at the age of nine, got his Ph: D: In physics at the age of 10: When the holocaust began, he created a device to preserve people in a cold sleep: But it was only an experimental model: The war escalated, and in the end, he didn't dare risk anyone's life but his own: If all this is true, then why didn't Dr: Huer tell me about it when I first awoke? Dr: Huer doesn't know: After the holocaust, while your civilization was still in ruins, Earth was looted by aliens: Hieronymus has been handed down from one generation to another, one planet to another So then the Genesians got hold of him, decided he was worth his weight in gold and kept him, hmm? Do you wonder why we hesitated to open up diplomatic relationships with Earth? I mean, if you Terrans had known what we'd done So why should I help you recover this kid? So you can make him a prisoner again? Oh, Captain, he wasn't a prisoner: Hieronymus helped us because he wanted to: In gratitude, we made him our president: Now he's been kidnapped: Will you help us recover him? If he is from the 20th century, you couldn't keep me away: All right: Do you have any idea where he's being held captive? My informants say he's being held on Aldebaran 2, somewhere outside the capital city of Barony: Aldebaran 2: Terrific: Another visit to the Barbary Coast of space: You know the last time I was there I was almost killed? Me too: Great place, isn't it? This trip is gonna be a whole lotta fun: So, here's the central core of our operation: The nerve center, you would call it: From here we dispatch food, supplies, fuel and power to all the surrounding territories: I'm not going too fast for you, am I, Deering? I mean, I know you organic life-forms need lots of time to assimilate information: I wouldn't want to strain your synapses: I was just noticing your vid-screens: I take it they're monitoring all incoming requests for supplies from private residences? Oh, very good, Deering: They didn't give you that degree in electronics for nothing, did they? Now, if you're through belaboring the obvious, I want to show you where you'll be stationed: Please: Nolan! Caulkins! Break time is over: Don't you humans ever get done eating? Organic scum: You've got to watch them every minute: Okay, Deering, here's your station: We'll start you right at the top with the garbage: [Chuckles.]
You'll monitor the rate at which the sewage flows under the city: - Wonderful: - I knew you'd like it: Oh, and, Deering, I like to keep an eye on my workers: It makes me feel more secure: So if you slip up, I'll know about it: [Laughing.]
Excuse me: Mr: Koren? Yes: Well, you certainly fit your description: M: D: Toman: I'm here to see Mr: Zale: Oh, yes: He mentioned it: What is it you do again, Mr: Toman: Well, you might say I'm in pest control: Right this way: Thank you: [Whirs.]
What is that? Transport tube: Sends out supplies from Barony: - Oh: - Where do you come from anyway? Lansing 12: Never heard of it: Must be one of the lesser quadrants: Not really: The entertainment discs you wanted: Koren, you got the manners of a sand squid: I try: [Koren.]
Keep an eye on him and don't let him out of your sight: Mr: Zale, someone to see you: Well, of course: You must be M: D: Toman: Pleased to meet you: Well, well, come in, come in: Come in, Mr: Toman: Sit down: You're just in time: I just had a call from the spaceport: The president's bodyguard, Dia Cyrton, is here on Aldebaran: She's acquired the services of a Terran named Rogers: Buck Rogers: Obviously they plan to rescue our prisoner: - Oh, I can take care of them: - Don't be ridiculous, Koren: That's what Toman is here for: I have the exclusive services of Mr: Toman for a week: - You mean he's going to - Kill them: Mr: Toman is going to kill Dia Cyrton and Buck Rogers: All my informant knew was that Zale was within 50 kilometers of Barony: That makes sense: None of the transport tubes extend any further out from the city than that: Do you have any idea how we can narrow that radius down a bit? Well, I was told there might be someone here who could help us: He's an information broker: He comes from Dyson 3, and his name is [Man.]
Looking for me? Over here, by the trylon table: I could've sworn I heard that voice in my head: You did: Over here: Selmar? I was given your name by I know who gave it to you: Yes, well, my name is Dia Cyrton, Lieutenant in the Genesian Starfleet: And Buck Rogers, Captain, Earth Defense Directorate: Yeah: We're looking for Roderick Zale: Captain, there's nothing you can tell me that I didn't know the moment you stepped into this room: Unfortunately, I can't help you: Not that I wouldn't like to for the right price: I have money, as much as you need: Lieutenant, that isn't the point: Unless Zale or one of his people comes into my psionic range we should say 50 or 60 meters I can't tell you anything: Even telepaths have their limitations: I see: Well, if you happen to hear anything You'll be staying at the Hotel Barony: Yeah, right: Guy must be a blast at cocktail parties: [Selmar.]
I heard that: [Humming.]
[Door Opens.]
Well, it's about time: I've been waiting for you: Boy, these people have got a lot to learn about making cheeseburgers: Whew! - Hey, CurlyJoe: - Why do you keep calling me that? No reason: These cruddy earphones you got me are defective: - What do you mean, defective? - See for yourself: [Loud Tone.]
Pleasant dreams, Curly: Thirty-fourth and Lexington, and step on it: [Zale.]
Cyrton and Rogers were seen at the casino on Darkover Street: Toman should be arriving there shortly: And ifToman doesn't kill them? He will: But even if they escape, they'll just be walking right into our hands: Oh! Sorry, fella: Excuse me: Let me give you a hand with that: Just who do you think you are anyhow? Look, it was an accident: I didn't mean to spill it on you: You're going to be an accident in a minute: You know, it really hurts me that you won't accept my apology: Well, if you're gonna be contrite about it, apology accepted: He sure put you back in line: Yeah: Barely escaped with my life: Look, I've been thinking: We ought to be able to find Zale's hideout: : : Through a little aerial reconnaissance: But how? You told me that Zale has a squadron of starfighters at his disposal: That must mean he has a private flight hangar as well: We could use the heat sensors on board your ship: : : To detect any unusual energy sources in the area and Yeah? Excuse me: Are you Captain Rogers? That's right: Good: Sorry: Can't let you do that: I'm terribly sorry about this, Captain, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you: You're sorry? He must be from Lansing 12, heavy gravity planet: - Knock him out! - I'm trying! Why, you little jerk! Hold it:! You can stop running now: You're safe: Where'd you come from? I have that information you wanted, concerning Roderick Zale and President Hieronymus Fox of Genesia: But how? Five minutes ago, you didn't know a thing: True, but three minutes ago, Mr: M: D: Toman, that formidable little man back there, walked into the casino, and I took a good long look into his mind: He works for Roderick Zale: I can tell you your president's exact location: : : For, say, 3,000 credits: Here: Now where is he? In a private home located 36 kilometers south-southwest of Barony: Here, let me implant the exact coordinates in your minds: [Beeping.]
- There: - [Groans.]
Thanks: Whew! What's the security like around Zale's place? Close to impenetrable: Terrific: Well, at least we know where your president is: [Zale.]
I'd like to remind the committee that I appear here today: : : As a courtesy, not an obligation: [Man.]
This is Residence 473, Sector "l: '" We would like to order another [Man #2.]
This is Resident 742, Sector "J:" What's the idea taking four days to [Man #3.]
This is Residence 439, Sector "C:" This is the third time I've called in: [Man #4.]
Uh, this is Residence 747, Sector "D:" Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, but you know that chute [Chattering Continues.]
Dr: Huer, I've punched in our voiceprint of Roderick Zale: The computer is comparing all voices recorded here within the last week: Excellent: And your cover is still secure? Affirmative: I'm probably taking a chance: : : Coming in here this early in the morning, but it's the only chance I've had so far: [Zale.]
I'd like to remind the committee that I appear here today as a courtesy, not an obligation: - Bingo! - Bingo? What? One of Buck's expressions: It means "I think I found it:" You mean the computer has found a match for Zale's voiceprint? [Zale Speaking.]
There's a:007 deviation between the two prints: I'll have to run a tracer to triple check: Deering out: Deering, who are you talking to? Uh, I don't know what you're talking about: Yes, you do, and I know exactly what you're up to: You're using those monitors: : : To find out when those rich people's houses outside of town are empty: : : So you and whomever you're working with can rob them, right? Uh Uh You humans are all alike: Always scheming to take something away from one another: That's what I like about Aldebaran: It's the kind of planet that destroys your faith in human nature: [Laughing.]
Where are you going? Oh, don't worry, Deering: I don't care what petty thefts you're up to: It just confirms my opinion of the lower organisms: [Laughing.]
There must be an easier way to reach Zale: As a matter of fact, I think there is: What about the maintenance android? Come on: Halt! That transport is city property! Halt! That transport is city property! Halt! That transport is city property! Send me a letter: City property! Halt! That's city property! Halt! Okay, M Oh, no: It must be that way: He turned that vid-player we gave him into some sort of sonic pacifier: Now, how he got out of the house, I have no idea: I should have known better: But because he looked so harmless, I underestimated the president's resourcefulness and his genius: He could have slipped through a window, which means he's somewhere down on the grounds right now: In that case, he'll never make it past the photon shield: But I don't want him injuring himself on our defenses: Toman, go down into the woods: Find Hieronymus Fox: And this time, do a more efficient job than you did with Rogers and Cyrton: Yes, Mr: Zale: You too: I want that boy found: Move! I hope Zale doesn't know we're on our way: If he does, he'll move Hieronymus to another location: I wish that didn't make so much sense: Oh, boy: What is that? I'm sure I could deactivate the force field from the other side: If there were some way to get around the light poles Instead of around it, how about over it? What? Come on: Haven't you ever heard of the Flying Wallendas? No, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what you're talking about: - You okay? - No problem: I always thought my elbows were my least attractive feature anyway: Well, you said this mission was going to be exciting: That was me, wasn't it? Ah: [Whirring.]
[Whirring.]
There we go: Okay: From here on, it's all uphill: Oh, terrific: Dr: Huer, I've traced Zale's call: He's located in a private residence [Chattering.]
Uh-oh: The morning shift is coming back in: I'll check back with you again on my way to Zale's: Deering out: [Groans.]
[Rustling.]
Gee, did anybody get the number of that spaceship? Uh-oh: Uh Uh, hi, there: I bet you're wondering what I'm doing in your parcel bin: Actually, I'm not a real person at all: I'm a doll: That's it: Uh A preprogrammed cybernetic doll: My name is Ken: Mr: President, are you all right? Uh, before I answer that, whose side are you on? Yours: Colonel Deering from the Earth Defense Directorate: How did you get away from Zale? Nothing to it: I just did a quick impersonation of a sack of groceries: Well, I guess I'm a little late: Nope: You're just in time: Now, my bodyguard, Dia Cyrton, is here on Aldebaran: She and somebody named Buck Rogers are on their way to Zale's place right now: - Buck? - Yeah, and if we don't get back there and help them, they're both gonna get wasted: You know what "wasted" means? Yes: I've heard the term before: Okay, here's what we've got to do: Now, first: : : Get me out of this bin, please: What's that? It's called a photon shield: A 25th-century minefield: Yeah, except that the entire field is a mine: One step, and we'd be paralyzed instantly: Unless I use this, that is: Very nice: Some sort of energy-damping device? It's only temporary, I assure you: Well, let's keep moving: Well, what have we here? Trespassers! Hello again, Captain Rogers: I believe we have some unfinished business to settle: Hold it: They may know where the kid is: We'll take them up to Zale: Then you can do whatever you like with them: I wonder what Moses would've done: The Genesian government has just received another warning from the kidnappers, repeating their threat to kill the president at the end of this week: They're bluffing: I just left Hieronymus 20 minutes ago: - You mean you've already freed him? - More like he freed himself: Well, then you're on your way back to Earth: Not exactly: Lieutenant Cyrton got Buck involved in this somehow: They're up in Zale's stronghold right now: I can only hope and pray they're still alive: Good heavens: [Chirping.]
What a bummer: I see: And you're going to their aid: Where did you hide the president? Well, I didn't exactly hide him: Hieronymus got a chance to study Zale's defenses, and the only way to penetrate them is to deactivate them from the inside: And the only one who could sneak in and do that is No: No, Colonel: I don't want to hear this: I don't want to have to tell the Genesian government: : : That their president is walking right back into the peril that we're supposed to get him out of: He knows what he's doing: He's sneaking in there the same way he got out, through the transport tubes: Besides, it's his decision: Lieutenant Cyrton is his friend, and we have to do something or she and Buck will die: Well, in that case, I understand, Colonel: Just keep me apprised of your progress: - And be careful: Huer out: - Deering out: [Sighs.]
Well, what do you think? I believe Colonel Deering and Captain Rogers have the situation well in hand: [Chirping.]
He also believes in the Easter bunny: Oh, Buck, I'm sorry: If I'd known all this would happen, I never would've gotten you involved: That's all right: Don't worry about it: I make my own decisions: Besides, it's not over with yet: Yes, but Dia, be quiet: [Door Opens.]
Inside: We're not gonna tell them where the kid is, and that's that: Yes, but, Buck, they'll kill us: The woman's right, Rogers: If you do know where the president is hiding down there, you better tell us: Otherwise, you'll both die very shortly: And if we do tell you, we'll probably still die, won't we? There are many ways to die long and short: Now, once again, where is the boy? As a matter of fact, we don't know: We were sent here to rescue him, and we can't find him: You know something, Rogers? I think you really don't know where the president is: You want us to think you do to postpone the inevitable, that's all: Take them down to the hangar: It's a good, long walk down there: If they know anything, they may change their minds on the way: And if they don't? Then activate one of my starfighters: : : And place them directly in front of the ion stream: That should dispose of their bodies: : : Quickly and neatly: Let's go: Send out the next warning to Genesia on schedule: We can't allow them to think anything has gone wrong: What is it? It's lizard meat from Rigel 4: More of the kid's weird food: Let it rot: This is absurd: A ten-year-old child can't elude us forever: I'm ordering every guard we have down there: We'll find him if we have to defoliate the entire forest: Another few hundred meters, and we'll be in the flight hangar: Would you mind getting that door, Captain? - Do you mind if I ask you something? - Not at all: - How does one become a - Terminator? - Yeah: - That's quite a long story: You see, on my world, people grew stronger muscles to compensate for the heavier gravity: And to tell you the truth, on my planet I'm considered somewhat of a weakling: Hmm: And on planets with lesser gravity? I can do this: You see, I realized early in life: : : I could either stay on my world and be a librarian: : : Or go off-planet and put my talents to use: Now, if you don't mind, the door: [Beeps.]
[Powering Down.]
Attaboy, Hieronymus: Thanks: [Beeping.]
Going somewhere, Mr: President? [Man On P: A:.]
Alert:! Security androids, report to guard posts: What is that? You're asking us? Listen, if you want to go check it out, we'll promise to wait: Until I find out what's going on, we'll keep moving: Well, your shoes are untied: Alert:! Security androids, report to guard post: Alert:! See? I told you you could knock him out: Son of a gun: Come on: Let's go find your president: Koren to Zale: Come in, Zale: Mr: Zale! Mr: Zale! Maybe he slipped back under his rock: Shut up, or so help me, I'll kill you right here and now: I think she might have something to say about that: That one is almost as old as you are: Old but true, Mr: Koren: Mighty nice shootin', Colonel: Thank you, Mr: President: Man, I haven't tasted food like that in 500 years: Yes, it was quite unusual: What did you say? Chili? Mexican chili: It's a blend of herbs, spices, vegetables, meat: Where on Earth did you find the meat? [Chuckles.]
You don't want to know: You know, Hieronymus, I'm going to be real sorry to see you go back to Genesia: You're the first person I've met from my own time: Probably the last: [Chirping.]
He's sure the shortest: You wanna say that again, transistor face? - [Chirping.]
- What did he say? He was apologizing, Mr: President: - No, I wasn't: - [Theo.]
Oh, yes, you were: Do you want to start an interstellar incident? Do you want the blood of thousands on your pincers? You know, Buck, I get the feeling you're starting to like the 25th century: Yeah, I guess I am: People are people, no matter what century they're in, and we've got some pretty nice ones here: Once in a while, I kind of miss the way things were: Don't you? Oh, sure: I miss cheeseburgers and comic books: : : And rock music and Saturday morning cartoons: Maybe things are kind of plastic here, but you can't say they're dull: I mean, how many people do you know get to live in their future? I guess you got a point, Hieronymus: Looks like we're both pretty lucky: By the way, Buck, you never did take that vacation you started off on: Perhaps you'd consider taking it on Genesia: That sounds like a good idea: What do you say, Mr: President? Could I stay at the presidential estate? Well, I had to turn the presidential estate into a civic center last month: But I got a little condominium across town you could stay at: Sauna, hot tub, tennis: - You play tennis? - Well, not me, personally: My reach is kind of short: But I instituted it as the new national sport a few months ago, replacing gladiatorial games: You gotta watch these people every minute: Mm: Sounds like some kind of paradise, Hieronymus: Well, that's what they need me for to make things better: Say, how about making some more of that chili? That last batch was good, but it had way too many scales in it: Scales? Scales?