Camp Camp (2016) s01e11 Episode Script
Camporee
1 Coffee! Black! Now! Huh? Morning, Max! What the hell is going on? We're in line for breakfast! Is anyone serving breakfast? Doesn't seem so And no one thought to question anything? Look, man, I'm a sheep.
I don't ask questions.
Trumpet tune Cameron Campbell: Good morning children! Guess who's got two thumbs, diplomatic immunity and is here to host the annual Lake Lilac CAMPOREE! This guy! So do we get breakfast or- Camp Camp Intro There's a place I know that's tucked away A place where you and I can stay! Where we can go to laugh and play and have adventures everyday! I know it sounds hard to believe but guys and gals it's true! Camp Campbell is the place for me and you! We'll swim through lakes and climb up trees Catch fish bugs bears and honey bees There's endless possibillities And no, that's NOT hyperbole! Our motto's Campe Diem and that means I'm telling you We've got archery, hiking, search and rescue, biking Horse back, training how to save a heart attack Scuba diving, mining, Football, limbo, science, stunting, building spaceships, treasure hunting Bomb defusal, no refusal, fantasy, circus trapeze, and fights, and ghosts, and paints and snakes, and knives, and chess, and dance, and weights It's Camp Camp! The Lake Lilac Camporee is today! And that means you little rascals will be competing in a series of fifteen events! All of which will be submitted by the participating summer camps.
The first five will be brought to us by Flower Scout Troop 789! The next five submitted by our neighbors The Wood Scouts! And the last five presented by my very own Camp Campbell campers! David, what the hell! No one told us about this! We've literally been telling you about it every day for weeks.
Yeah, but we never listen to you guys! Put up flyers or something.
So liiike what do we get if we wen~ Great question, little Sally! Sasha.
Whatever.
We brought in a panel of 3 unbiased judges All of whom are more than qualified to score your performances.
The troop with the highest score at the end of the day will go home with the coveted Camboree trophy, a year's supply of s'mores, and have their picture featured on the front page of the Sleepy Peak Times metropolitan section! Well, don't care about that shit.
You wanna throw this whole thing and roast ants with a magnifying glass? sigh That's what I like about you, Neil.
You get me.
clearing voice Excuse me, Mr.
Campbell.
Might I suggest we raise the stakes? Pikeman! What do you have in mind, sport? If Troop 818 wins this year's Camporee, Camp Campbell will surrender its grounds, and campers to the Wood Scouts.
Well that is ridic- Hmm, and what if we win? Sir you can't possibly- We hand over all earnings from our yearly popcorn sales.
Darn it, Teddy, you KNOW I've got a crippling gambling addiction! So of course we accept! What?! What?! Let's Campe Diem! excited trumpets David: Alright gang We don't want to end up with the Wood Scouts at the end of the day So I need you all to work together It's the only chance we have at winning this thing It's a bunch of prissy little girls How bad can their challenge be? Uuuum excusei~ The flower scouts' first challenge will be a test of posture and proper walking form Precious We'll start with the beginner's course As a show of good faith Umm- starting bell thud AAH! splash Huh thud AAAH! Whoa whoa panting cough Well it's not like the others can do any better starting bell grunts smug laughter grunt AAAH! Your sacrifice will not be in vain! Stephen Van Petral! starting bell Excusei~ Pardon me Excusei~ Thank youw~ pappers flipping airhorn Campbell: And that's the end of round one! Well it's not like they can win every other challenge bell bell bell bell papers flipping airhorn Campbell: And that's the end of round five! Let's pick up the pace campers! I want me some popcorn money! And I want to see you all in wood scout uniforms I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don't wanna become some fascist militant peon! I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don't wanna become some fascist militant peon! He does not speak for all of us So what's the plan? Look kids, I'm telling you! If you just work together and really start trusting one another you can accomplish anything BOO! Give us actual advice! Advice can't save you now Campbell campers Now begins the wood scout's march to glory! glory trumpets Maneuvering the treacherous waters of the wilderness is an integral part of survival Therefore your first challenge is to row out to spooky island and back Eww that's a great cardio And low impact Uh do we have anyone here for rowing camp? I can do it! Let me get at them boats gunshot Go grunts High pitched really evil laughter Stroke, stroke, stroke, UUh uh okay Wait! wait.
.
.
wait.
.
.
wait okay no wait papers flipping Airhorn well it's not like they can win every other- bell 8bell bell bell airhorn SON OF A BITCH Uh nothing to worry about We just uh you know gotta believe in ourselves! Nope We're boned Fear not sweet Gwendolyn once you work for the wood scouts the only man you'll have to deal with in your life is me mmmmmmm~ Oh! Jesus Christ! Campers we are winning that fucking trophy! How the hell do we do that!? By overcoming our differences and working toge- NO! Shut up You are not going to work together We're not? No! you're all terrible at it But we've got something they don't Sub-par indoor plumbing? We've got the most bizarre collection of of campers with niche talents And ridiculously specific skill sets lake lilac has ever seen! And sub-per indoor plumbing cheers excited trumpets Uuh what is thez~? Round eleven Create a stable batch of Nitroglycerin Wait what- gunshot ACK! start scienc-ing Umm okay It's just like baking ladies clink ghasp sizzling Nitrogen, oxygen.
No! Petrol Wait WAIT! BOOM Done! Papers flipping airhorn Round twelve Illusion start bell growling AAH! papers flipping starting bell Motorcycle repair Papers flipping starting bell Destroy the one ring of power! papers flipping starting bell Round fifteen Cross-species communication But that's impossible! growling rattling growling AR AR AR AR AR AR AR RA RA RA RA RA RA ARF ARF ARF ARF whimpering Kill growling barking AAAAAH! growling Papers flipping airhorn Camp Campbell wins! cheering Hundred XP for everyone! Well I think we all learned a valuable lesson today Don't ever work together Uh no! Yeah! Things really seemed to turn around when we just did our own thing! But guys thats a really narrow minded way of looking at things- David, no one cares! thud Great work today counselors! Thank's to you I made fifty dollars! Well! back to Thailand! Apparently they need running water! I don't get it you guys are doing fine! I hate this place growlingscreaming David: Down! Down boy! nice dog! echoing (Max: David no one cares) sigh I just don't get it I loved summer camp as a kid What changed? gasp That's it! The sparrow excited trumpets Rapping
I don't ask questions.
Trumpet tune Cameron Campbell: Good morning children! Guess who's got two thumbs, diplomatic immunity and is here to host the annual Lake Lilac CAMPOREE! This guy! So do we get breakfast or- Camp Camp Intro There's a place I know that's tucked away A place where you and I can stay! Where we can go to laugh and play and have adventures everyday! I know it sounds hard to believe but guys and gals it's true! Camp Campbell is the place for me and you! We'll swim through lakes and climb up trees Catch fish bugs bears and honey bees There's endless possibillities And no, that's NOT hyperbole! Our motto's Campe Diem and that means I'm telling you We've got archery, hiking, search and rescue, biking Horse back, training how to save a heart attack Scuba diving, mining, Football, limbo, science, stunting, building spaceships, treasure hunting Bomb defusal, no refusal, fantasy, circus trapeze, and fights, and ghosts, and paints and snakes, and knives, and chess, and dance, and weights It's Camp Camp! The Lake Lilac Camporee is today! And that means you little rascals will be competing in a series of fifteen events! All of which will be submitted by the participating summer camps.
The first five will be brought to us by Flower Scout Troop 789! The next five submitted by our neighbors The Wood Scouts! And the last five presented by my very own Camp Campbell campers! David, what the hell! No one told us about this! We've literally been telling you about it every day for weeks.
Yeah, but we never listen to you guys! Put up flyers or something.
So liiike what do we get if we wen~ Great question, little Sally! Sasha.
Whatever.
We brought in a panel of 3 unbiased judges All of whom are more than qualified to score your performances.
The troop with the highest score at the end of the day will go home with the coveted Camboree trophy, a year's supply of s'mores, and have their picture featured on the front page of the Sleepy Peak Times metropolitan section! Well, don't care about that shit.
You wanna throw this whole thing and roast ants with a magnifying glass? sigh That's what I like about you, Neil.
You get me.
clearing voice Excuse me, Mr.
Campbell.
Might I suggest we raise the stakes? Pikeman! What do you have in mind, sport? If Troop 818 wins this year's Camporee, Camp Campbell will surrender its grounds, and campers to the Wood Scouts.
Well that is ridic- Hmm, and what if we win? Sir you can't possibly- We hand over all earnings from our yearly popcorn sales.
Darn it, Teddy, you KNOW I've got a crippling gambling addiction! So of course we accept! What?! What?! Let's Campe Diem! excited trumpets David: Alright gang We don't want to end up with the Wood Scouts at the end of the day So I need you all to work together It's the only chance we have at winning this thing It's a bunch of prissy little girls How bad can their challenge be? Uuuum excusei~ The flower scouts' first challenge will be a test of posture and proper walking form Precious We'll start with the beginner's course As a show of good faith Umm- starting bell thud AAH! splash Huh thud AAAH! Whoa whoa panting cough Well it's not like the others can do any better starting bell grunts smug laughter grunt AAAH! Your sacrifice will not be in vain! Stephen Van Petral! starting bell Excusei~ Pardon me Excusei~ Thank youw~ pappers flipping airhorn Campbell: And that's the end of round one! Well it's not like they can win every other challenge bell bell bell bell papers flipping airhorn Campbell: And that's the end of round five! Let's pick up the pace campers! I want me some popcorn money! And I want to see you all in wood scout uniforms I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don't wanna become some fascist militant peon! I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don't wanna become some fascist militant peon! He does not speak for all of us So what's the plan? Look kids, I'm telling you! If you just work together and really start trusting one another you can accomplish anything BOO! Give us actual advice! Advice can't save you now Campbell campers Now begins the wood scout's march to glory! glory trumpets Maneuvering the treacherous waters of the wilderness is an integral part of survival Therefore your first challenge is to row out to spooky island and back Eww that's a great cardio And low impact Uh do we have anyone here for rowing camp? I can do it! Let me get at them boats gunshot Go grunts High pitched really evil laughter Stroke, stroke, stroke, UUh uh okay Wait! wait.
.
.
wait.
.
.
wait okay no wait papers flipping Airhorn well it's not like they can win every other- bell 8bell bell bell airhorn SON OF A BITCH Uh nothing to worry about We just uh you know gotta believe in ourselves! Nope We're boned Fear not sweet Gwendolyn once you work for the wood scouts the only man you'll have to deal with in your life is me mmmmmmm~ Oh! Jesus Christ! Campers we are winning that fucking trophy! How the hell do we do that!? By overcoming our differences and working toge- NO! Shut up You are not going to work together We're not? No! you're all terrible at it But we've got something they don't Sub-par indoor plumbing? We've got the most bizarre collection of of campers with niche talents And ridiculously specific skill sets lake lilac has ever seen! And sub-per indoor plumbing cheers excited trumpets Uuh what is thez~? Round eleven Create a stable batch of Nitroglycerin Wait what- gunshot ACK! start scienc-ing Umm okay It's just like baking ladies clink ghasp sizzling Nitrogen, oxygen.
No! Petrol Wait WAIT! BOOM Done! Papers flipping airhorn Round twelve Illusion start bell growling AAH! papers flipping starting bell Motorcycle repair Papers flipping starting bell Destroy the one ring of power! papers flipping starting bell Round fifteen Cross-species communication But that's impossible! growling rattling growling AR AR AR AR AR AR AR RA RA RA RA RA RA ARF ARF ARF ARF whimpering Kill growling barking AAAAAH! growling Papers flipping airhorn Camp Campbell wins! cheering Hundred XP for everyone! Well I think we all learned a valuable lesson today Don't ever work together Uh no! Yeah! Things really seemed to turn around when we just did our own thing! But guys thats a really narrow minded way of looking at things- David, no one cares! thud Great work today counselors! Thank's to you I made fifty dollars! Well! back to Thailand! Apparently they need running water! I don't get it you guys are doing fine! I hate this place growlingscreaming David: Down! Down boy! nice dog! echoing (Max: David no one cares) sigh I just don't get it I loved summer camp as a kid What changed? gasp That's it! The sparrow excited trumpets Rapping