Casualty (1986) s01e11 Episode Script
Drunk
(Laughs) No running in the corridors, Dr Samuels.
Charlie, I'm going sick visiting.
(Baz giggling) - We have 20 minutes until the shift.
- Charlie! Dr Samuels, I'm in love with you.
Go and take a cold shower.
Charge Nurse.
She, er She couldn't sleep so they give her some pills.
- The sleep will do her good.
- Yeah.
- Just starting work? - Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
(Chatter) Come on, you guys, let's be having you.
It's not a standing in the corridor party.
- Just a moment, Danielle.
- Miss? What's that in your pocket? It's nothing, miss.
That's the strangest packet of nothing I've ever seen.
I weren't smoking 'em.
They're for my brother.
Oh, well, I'm sure he won't mind if I look after them until after the dance.
Off you go, then.
And what are you grinning at, creep? Funny, I've never really seen Megan asleep before.
Not in 20 years.
(Laughs) She was always on the go.
Up before me, making tea, looking after the boys.
Then there was always that last chore before bedtime, washing-up, ironing letter to write.
She got beautiful handwriting, you know.
Copperplate.
Me and the boys, we We bought her this pen last Christmas with these three nibs.
She She really loved it.
Megan's going to be OK, Mr Roach.
As far as we can tell, the operation caught it in time.
Well, why didn't she say? Why didn't she say nothing? I don't know.
They say nurses and doctors make the worst patients.
We like to think we're immune.
Yeah, it's like taxi drivers.
We always give lousy tips.
Apart from Nana Mouskouri, Demis Roussos and Zorba, name me one famous Greek.
- Plato.
- Never heard of him.
Sophocles.
Aeschylus.
Phidias.
- Nor them.
- OK.
Euripides, Demosthenes, Homer Homer? Didn't he win Eurovision? No, that was Lulu.
- Dimitri, know a singer called Homer? - Look at this.
- Look what I have found.
- Looks peaceful enough.
(Scoffs) We could lose our licence over something like this, you realise? Tell them it's a new offer.
A free cockroach with every houmous.
You be careful, you.
There are about four million people out there would like your job.
No, four million people would want my pay packet.
Nobody would want my job.
What I want to know is, how did it get there? Well, there was no signs of a bus.
Perhaps he came by cab.
- Dimitri! - One more crap out of you - Dimitri! - .
.
I will go I just cut off my sodding finger.
(Phone ringing) Evening, Misha.
Casualty.
It's one of our regulars.
- What are you doing? - We're the decorators.
- What decorators? - Come on, Bob.
Get a move on.
Sorry about this, people.
We'll have to move you.
We need to get to this wall.
- There.
- What are you doing? We're doing the place up a bit.
Got the Royals coming.
Get your flags out.
If you could go over there, please.
Thanks.
We need to get to this wall, see? I know you're only trying to do your job, but if you could refer to me before you start shifting patients around? - Certainly.
Who are you? - The receptionist.
Ah, Susie.
Thy will shall be done.
- Right you are.
- Come on, people, let's have you.
- Kuba! - Thank you very much.
What? Keep it cold? Yeah, I got that.
Look, hurry up, please.
I will.
Yeah, right.
Bye.
- Ambulance is on its way.
- Thank God for that.
I'm going to die.
I know I am.
Ah, don't be daft, mate.
Your typing days may be over and I doubt you'll ever be a pianist but you'll be all right.
- Absolutely marvellous.
- Oscar Crisp? Look, this is nice.
- I don't believe this.
- Oh, yes, I know.
To think I may actually behold a beautiful princess in the flesh.
- Did Ewart say why they were coming? - To see me.
They're passing through Casualty on the way to the new premature baby unit.
Passing through like ocean liners in the night.
- Poetry, boy! - The Royal Family don't work nights.
Then I will stay up for the day.
Why through here? We haven't had anything new since the last by-election.
Except the paint.
As much use to a cardiac arrest as a kick up the jacksie.
Oscar Crisp.
- Oscar Crisp! - Ah.
Oi.
It is an order.
How can he speak in this way of the Royal Family? Leave him alone, Kuba.
He'll be fine.
I must go to Mr Plimmer.
Wonderful, innit? The day shift get the princess, we get the decorators.
Wait there, mate.
- Where's Baz? - Checking on Megan.
- This is a casualty, not a social club.
- All right, Charlie.
All right, sorry about that.
- Make sure she get this.
- Is Duffy in yet? Nope.
All right, Susie? I know she's my daughter.
Look, Ros, I tried to talk to her but she cleared off again.
Ask her.
Yeah, I know it's serious and as soon as this Royal visit's over I will.
It's just that things are particularly hectic.
- (Knock at door) - Hang on for a second.
Yep? Mr Plimmer.
Er ErI find myself in some, ergrave trepidation.
Go on.
Er, not you, Ros.
Hang on for a second.
You see, er, she, the lovely princess, is HRH, Her Royal Highness.
while he, the lovely prince, is also HRH but His Royal Highness.
What troubles me is the following.
Er, does a faithful subject address them as His and Her Royal Highnesses or Your Royal Highness or just Your Majesties? And also, on the question of the bow - Kuba? - Yes, Mr Plimmer? What are you talking about? The bow, Mr Plimmer.
You see Ros, I'll have to ring you back.
This place is like a madhouse.
- If I - Now, Kuba If I Sorry.
( Frankie Goes To Hollywood: Relax) Relax, don't do it when you wanna come Relax, don't do it, when you wanna suck to it Relax, don't do it When you wanna come When you wanna come (DJ) We seem to have Andy Capp here from 4D.
Let's hear Chris de Burgh They're getting restless.
What shall I say? Oh, tell them to - Forget about it.
- Here we are.
Let's have a look.
That's all right.
I've seen worse than that.
Have you tried our kebabs? Pad and sling, please.
(Yells in pain) All right, put it up on the shoulder.
- It's all right if we come too? - (Sandra) Yeah, sure.
- Oh, by the way, where's the finger? - Philip, finger.
(Philip) Well, you said keep it cold.
I'll recover much more quickly if they stop shoving tablets down me at night and waking me up in the middle of the day and treating me as if I'm a 15-year-old kid who doesn't know better.
And I don't need the worry of what you are doing to my washing machine.
Oh, don't worry about us.
Yeah? What happened when I was having Tom? Well, cooking was never my strong point.
Ha, ha.
True.
You managed to set the kitchen on fire.
There were no instructions on the packet.
What was I supposed to do? - (Both laugh) - Ooh! Oh! - Here, let me get a nurse.
- No, don't.
Please.
They'll just shove another tablet down me.
I'm all right, really.
- It was just a twinge.
- You ought to Don't go to pieces on me now.
Please.
( George Michael: Careless Whisper playing in background) (Rain splashing) I'm never gonna dance again Guilty feet have got no rhythm You been in hospital before, Bob? Mm, yeah, I did a job at the Royal last year.
Nah, I meant ill in hospital.
Not me, mate.
Can't stand the places.
- Full of sick people.
- (Both roar with laughter) - And nurses? - Eh? - Hospitals are full of nurses.
- True.
Very true.
Perks of the job, mate.
Here, look.
Hey, Florence.
Wanna come here and feel my pulse? - Pardon? - I said, do you wanna feel my pulse? You're a nurse, aren't you? No, I'm a doctor.
But if you're ill, I'm sure Nurse Johnson would be happy to examine you.
Oh, I see.
What I really wanted was a nice cup of tea.
Hm.
I think you ought to try the staff room.
- Terrific.
- (Bob laughs) ( Radio playing Pet Shop Boys: Suburbia) - Charlie's going over the top as usual.
- As usual.
No, this is reception.
No, I'm a receptionist.
Problems? Some man who says he's in urgent need of a nurse.
- What, sick? - Well, in a manner of speaking.
Ah.
Have you seen Duffy? - No, she's not been in yet.
- Oh! - Another warning? - Yes! The hospital authorities don't tend to accept ominous stellar configurations as a valid excuse for being late.
Where the hell have you been? Attending the sick and needy.
As if I didn't know.
Can I have a word? ( Bryan Ferry: Slave To Love) (Radio off) You've heard about this last-minute cosmetic surgery job? Oh.
Those two are surgeons, are they? No, cowboys in the great British tradition of moonlighting.
We're supposed to shut up cos everybody loves the Royal Family.
- You mean you're gonna shut - ( Radio playing) Absolutely not.
At least we should have been consulted.
That's Ewart's responsibility.
- So what are you gonna do? - Sorry? What is ze plan, Generalissimo? - I'm gonna call a staff meeting.
- Sounds original.
Why not? Right.
King's in the plaster room, Ewart's in his office.
- Where's Duffy? - Late.
Not again.
( Radio playing Bryan Ferry: Slave To Love) Slave to love - Slave to love - Puss, puss, come on.
(Mewing) (Man ) In the Holby area for the next 24 hours.
Looks like showers.
Heavier rain tonight.
Later in the programme, I'II be playing soothing(Indistinct) Wait until you hear the number one duffer she's picked tonight.
That's no reflection on the next record by Heaven 1 7.
.
.
this fascist groove thang Evil men with racist views Spreading all across the land Don't just sit there on your ass Unlock that funky chaindance (Number unobtainable tone) We don't need this fascist groove thang Oh, bum! Oh! Oh, no.
There you go.
Sorry, got to get the ladders round the back of you.
I'm sorry about this.
I know.
There you are, you see.
Why don't you go and breathe down somebody else's phone? - Excuse me.
- No answer at Duffy's flat.
Probably on her way! I've been waiting here for nearly 40 minutes.
We're short-staffed.
I'm sure it won't be much longer.
This is an emergency ward.
I could have bled to death for all you seem to care.
- Are you losing blood? - There's nothing wrong with me.
I was speaking hypothetically.
As I said, we give priority to the most serious cases.
He's had his finger stuck in there for two hours.
Don't you call that serious? If you could wait, I'm sure the doctor will be with you soon.
- Ewart, Charlie was - Yes, I know.
I'm with the administrator.
No calls till I'm finished.
(Kuba) Excuse me, please, Mr Plimmer.
Please excuse me a second.
Er, Susie, Susie! May I say, Princess, I think your nose is delightful in its present form.
Kuba, get knotted.
Absolutely.
Good job, boys.
Well done.
OK.
The boys think we're really mean.
Poor old fatso.
Do you suppose he's still waiting for you? Course he is! - You're a witch.
- I know! I told him to meet me in the changing room.
So I'll go up first.
You wait a couple of seconds then meet me there.
You'll be able to listen to everything he says! (Gasps) (Screams) Sod it! Well, I thought you'd be pleased that the Royals wanted to visit your department.
- Good for morale.
- I'm not disputing that.
- What's the problem? - The painters for a start.
This is a casualty department, not a boutique.
Why are you complaining? This place could do with a lick of paint.
It could do with being knocked down and entirely rebuilt.
You've got no choice.
It's a sixth-floor decision.
Is it? Well, I wish you'd ask your friends on the sixth floor just who's paying for this cos it sure as hell is not coming out of my department's budget.
It's bad enough being the poor relation of the health service without having to waste money on painting pipes.
It's good publicity.
Put you in the public eye.
"No more kidney machines.
We spent the money on flowers for Lady Di.
" You are blowing this up out of all proportion.
In a couple of nights it'll be over.
Besides, as I said If you say this department could do with a lick of paint, I'll resign.
Don't tempt me, Ewart.
- What have we got? - Cut his finger off in a slicer.
Oh.
(Laughs) So, you lost your finger, yeah? ( Faint piano music) Good evening, Ewart.
"How are you, Charlie?" "Not so good, Ewart.
" I've got a nurse who only turns up when the moon is full, a department swimming in drunks and Laurel and Hardy in the corridors creating havoc just to spare the administration the embarrassment of the "Royal Couple" seeing what an NHS casualty department looks like.
I want to know what you're gonna do.
( Piano) (Music stops) (Whistles) Andrew, you are an utter genius.
(Man ) Emergency call.
Respond, please.
With a lousy sense of timing.
(Church bell chiming three quarters past) (Man groans) You all right? (Groans) You all right, love? (Shrieks) Hello.
Thank you.
- I'm gonna stick a tube down.
- What size? Er, seven.
They've tried to contact his family, but they live in Saudi.
- He's got an aunt in Cirencester - Cricoid.
We can't get hold of her, either.
- How long was he in the water for, love? - I'm afraid we don't know.
I don't know what he can have been doing by the pool.
It's out of bounds.
Has he been drinking? We've a firm no-alcohol policy at school dances.
Do you know? We found these.
Come on, son.
Come on, boy.
So then he says - this is Ewart talking, right? "It's a sixth floor decision.
All we can do is bear the inconvenience.
" - (Patient singing) - So the revolution's postponed? Oh, it gets better.
He then says, "Look at the bright side.
"This department could do with a lick of paint.
" He's right in a way.
It could.
I don't believe I'm hearing this.
Do you mind? Can we talk about something else? Yeah.
(Man groans) Megan.
She's asking me to get her sent home.
It's crazy.
She knows it's impossible.
We'll do another mercy mission.
Charlie, you can't move her.
- (Grunts) - Then we'll all go up there.
- (Phone ringing) - After shift.
Sharp.
- Shall I ask him to go? - You keep out of this! Phone, Baz.
Gloves.
- You think something's happened? - Don't be silly.
She'd have had warning from Russell Grant.
What have you got? Two for stitches and a possible broken finger.
All right.
- Ruby McBain.
- Yes, that's me.
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Right.
- Look, man Excuse me for a second.
Susie, I've been royalist all my life.
And I'm not ashamed to say it.
- OK? - Kuba! - Yes, boss? - Ambulance bay.
Charlie will go too.
- Yes.
- What will Charlie do? Blue light.
ETA two minutes.
Drowning.
I'll ring the registrar.
Come on, Duff.
(Laughter) Get off! - What's the matter with her? - She's drunk.
- Come on, Sophie.
- She doesn't look drunk.
What's she doing here? Come on! - I'll be happier if we made sure.
- Oh, come on! (Duffy sobbing) Are you all right? (Phone ringing) - He's got an output now.
- How long was he in the water? Easy does it.
Easy does it.
All right, son.
Nearly there.
- His pupils are up.
- Come on.
Hup.
- Doesn't look too good.
- No.
- You said he had an output.
- He did.
Let's get him on a monitor.
I want to get a line up.
Call received.
Three, zero, zero, two out.
I don't believe it.
Ponting! (Continuous beep) - Come on.
- Adrenaline and atropine.
He's freezing.
Shall we warm him up? (Sandra) Andy, we've got a call.
- Keep him covered.
Get a space blanket.
- Space blanket.
Well, how soon can they get here? Look, did you explain how important it is? Well, what about his aunt? Yes, yes, all right.
OK, just Just phone me back here when you get something.
Bye.
Is he gonna die? Get this to haematology.
I want full blood count, Us and Es, blood alcohol and plasma osmolality.
Have you got that? (Continuous beep) Saline flush.
Not you! Go! Nice and easy, O'Dwyer, just get on with it.
His dad's dead rich, isnÂt he? It's none of your business.
Everyone used to call him Sheikh Your Belly.
Do you realise what you've done? If you'd have been kinder to Selim, this wouldn't have happened.
Poor kid was a pushover for you.
But it was only a joke.
I didn't mean any harm.
I didn't know he was drinking.
Oh, no, you didn't know anything at all.
Why is everybody blaming it on me? It's not my fault.
Nobody liked him anyway.
It's not fair blaming it all on me.
- You didn't like him, did you? - That's enough! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It doesn't help.
- (Sobs) - Come on.
Come on, love.
200 joules.
Stand clear.
- 400 joules? - Yes.
Stand clear.
Come on, sunshine.
Don't die on us yet.
- And again? - Yes.
Stand clear.
(Vomits) There we are.
- He's gasping.
- (Gurgling) I've never had to deal with a drowning before.
Stroke of luck I was here, then.
Anyone seen Kuba? - (Siren wailing) - Female nurse, Easter Steps.
Two passers-by with her.
Police on their way, yeah? ETA? Five minutes.
Roger and out.
That's the fifth attack on a nurse this year.
You'd have thought the hospital would give them night transport for shifts.
Oh, no, it's not enough they work 12 hours with no overtime.
Take home about enough money to keep a cat alive.
They've got to get done over by some drunken nutter in casualty.
Or attacked on the street by a pervert whose turn-on is a woman in uniform.
- That depends on the uniform.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Yeah, that's another thing - Er Duffy? Duffy? Duffy! Duffy! Duffy! - Duff? - Hey - It's Sandra.
- What's the matter? We're gonna help you to the ambulance.
Up you come.
You come back with us to the ambulance.
I can walk.
You can.
Good girl.
Take it easy.
I'm honoured to to meet you Your Majesty.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, I think a little taller.
Perhaps if you were to stand higher.
A bit Oh, yes.
Yes, that's perfect.
- Can we try again? - Ready when you are, mate.
I'm ready.
All right.
OK, fine, fine.
All right.
OK.
OK, OK, ready? OK, I'm honoured to meet you.
Could you? To meet you, Your Majesty.
What do you think? Shall I kiss her hand? I don't see why not.
What do you think, Bob? - Bob? - You got any biscuits, mate? - (Laughs) - You must take it seriously! I'm sorry.
Yeah, why not? Yeah.
Your Majesty.
(Door opens) (Bob laughs) - Have you finished? - Not yet, mate.
We're - Taking a break.
- A bit higher, bit higher.
Cubicle six to X-ray.
Right now.
It was very good.
See you later.
I dunno what cowboy shop you're from and I don't give a toss, but if I see you taking another "break" you'll find your equipment in the dustbin.
- Clear? - Clear enough.
Good.
Put that kettle on, Bob.
ETA? Ta.
Any news on Duffy? Still hasn't phoned.
A nurse has been attacked on Easter Steps.
- Oh, no.
- Not a word until we're certain, OK? Because I am the charge nurse, you are the porter.
It's called rank.
Understood? - I said, understood? - Yes, sir.
Good.
- Have you got a patient? - Yes.
I was filling out some details on haematology.
- Have you finished? - Yeah.
Well, get on with the next one.
Sure, man.
- How's the boy? - He's been taken up to ITU.
Breathing normal, heartbeat normal.
We won't know for a time if there's any cerebral damage.
The school located his father.
He's a big shot out in Saudi.
- He's flying over.
- Oh, I say! How jolly charming of him.
You may get away with snapping at Clive but don't take it out on me.
I'm not in the mood for one of your sulks.
Sulks? I've got patients out there who've been waiting for an hour and a half, a useless replacement for Megan, a porter who's a penny short of a shilling, and a staff nurse who hasn't turned up.
My department is turning into a holiday camp.
It's not funny.
Well, you won't make people work better by shouting at them.
I was not shouting! He's one of those anorexics.
- Yeah? - Yeah, I've seen it before.
No, we'll take her to Holby.
I don't know.
No, don't phone in.
We'll warn the doctor when we get there.
Over and out.
Are you sure you don't want a blanket? - Here.
- No, I'll do it.
Do you want anything? Duffy.
It's all right.
You're with us now.
You're gonna be OK.
- Everything's going to be fine.
- No! No, please don't touch me.
He's all right.
She said not to wait.
He'll be staying all night.
- Back to work? - Nah, no point.
Here, fancy a Kentucky Fried? You know, finger-lickin' good? - Hey, that's a bit near the knuckle.
- Ha! Near the knuckle.
- All right, Mrs Ashcroft? - Yes.
Thank you, Doctor.
(Laughs) Nurse, actually.
Sorry? Thanks for the compliment but I'm not a doctor, I'm a nurse.
You mean the NHS allows unsupervised nurses to deal with emergencies? Your son didn't need a major operation, just a little grease in the right places.
Well, I think it's a disgrace.
I shall most certainly complain.
- Would you like the name of your MP? - I know him already, thank you.
Ah.
- Come along.
At least your finger's OK.
- Thank you, Mrs Ashcroft.
Is Baz around? Thanks, Susie.
You all right, love? You warm enough? Is there anything you want to tell me? I can pass it on to the police.
You know? The bastard's not going to get away with it.
No way.
No way.
Bastard! Bastard! - What happened? - She won't say.
She just keeps saying she doesn't want a fuss.
Come on, Duff, let's get you out of here.
- Charlie? - Yes? Sorry.
Sorry.
( Pop on radio) (Music stops) - Hello, Inspector.
- Have they brought her in yet? What are you talking about? Duffy! Duffy? Cubicles, Duffy.
I'm sorry, you'll have to wait.
- What happened? - Someone attacked her on Easter Steps.
- Oh, no.
Did they? - Sandra! RTA, precinct.
Now! We don't know.
All right.
Back to work.
Simon Goodman.
- Can you get Ewart? - The police are here.
Stall them.
- If it's too modern - No, no, they're lovely.
(Laughs) - Ewart, have you got time to? - (Pager beeps) - I hate these things.
- Me too.
I'll pop up again.
I keep telling you.
No police.
No fuss.
All right, so that's the way you feel now.
But if they catch the bloke? They'll need medical evidence for the police sergeant in court.
You know that.
How many more times do I have to say it? Nothing happened.
I'm all right.
So just leave me alone.
- Look, I realise - Why can't you take no for an answer? - Charlie, give King a hand, will you? - Right.
See if you can calm Susie down.
OK.
Well, Lisa - She's OK, just shaken up.
- Can I see her? - Ewart and Baz are with her.
- When can l? The kindest thing we can do is just carry on as normal.
I'll keep you posted.
- All right, all right.
- (Sobbing) It'll be all right.
Oh, there we go.
Er - Not your brand, eh? - (Sighs) - (Laughs) - Right, what have we got? ( Pop on radio) Ewart, you have to order her to see the gynae.
She won't let me examine her.
- Do you think she's lying? - Don't you? Does she live with anyone? No, on her own.
- Have you tried a sedative? - She won't take one.
Well, let her stay till the end of the shift.
Then I'll take her home.
She shouldn't be left on her own.
- Well, no.
- Andmaybe Oh, she'll talk to you? - Maybe.
- I doubt it.
Ewart, please.
This is urgent.
- (Phone rings) - Casualty.
Look, I've had enough of you.
Why don't you take yourself and your blow-up dolls, your dirty magazines and your perverted mind somewhere it will be appreciated? Excuse me.
Can I help you? Excuse me? Damn! If it's what she wants, we can't force her.
Ewart, we've had a spate of these attacks.
Whoever this man is, he's nasty.
We want evidence.
Does she want him attacking other nurses? - She doesn't want to make a statement.
- Then argue with her.
In 24 hours, a physical examination will be pointless.
I spoke to her.
She said no.
Forensics can make or break a case like this.
Who knows what all this can lead to in court? If Duffy won't go through that, I respect her.
We don't even know what happened.
- Oh, come on.
- We don't know.
Then find out.
Listen, that girlÂs been attacked.
She's in a state of shock.
That's a medical condition and we have to treat it.
I'd like to find the guy who did this too but for now my concern has to be her physical and mental welfare.
(Man on radio ) And the time is 7 am with your local yokel.
And on the line for Clue Songs I've got Mildred.
Morning, Mildred.
- You can't park here.
- I've come to collect me mates.
OK, Bob.
We're going.
(Bob) OK.
- Ta-ra, then, Cuba.
- It is pronounced Koo-ba.
Kuba.
K-U-B-A.
Kuba.
- Cuba.
Great.
We're off.
- Off? Does Mr Plimmer know of this? He will be most put out.
Nothing to do with us.
Security.
Security? Your department's too dangerous, mate.
(Laughs) - But what about Royal Visit? - See you, Cuba.
- Is Ewart in his office? - I'm sorry, our shift is No.
Ewart? They're not coming.
The Royals.
What do you mean, they're not coming? The visit's still on.
They're using a different route.
Palace security reckon that your department is too dangerous.
Thought I'd come in early to sort out the paperwork.
You look as though you could do with a bit of sleep.
Thank you.
They changed their minds.
That's life.
It's a complete waste of time and money, whichever way you look at it.
And please don't smoke in my office! All for nothing.
Sellotape.
Cheers.
I tell you England is asad country.
(Sighs) Right.
Visiting party to attention.
Hup.
Coming with us? All right? Bye, Susie.
(Door closes) (Dialogue inaudible) (Clattering) (Bowl still clanging) (Mouths) (Whispering) Megan? I don't know why you're whispering.
I could hear you from miles away.
Hello.
How are you? Come on in.
Ooh, lovely.
What's that? Duffy? Yeah? Ewart's gonna drive you to my place.
I'll go and feed your cats and then come on and we can talk, OK? If you want.
- I need your keys.
- Yeah, right.
There's a leak in my roof.
I'm a bit worried about my cats.
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
(Sobs) I once had to have an operation.
- Nothing spectacular, though.
l - (Baz) What was it? Well, it was just a - What? - What? - Piles, if you must know.
- Oh! Ooh, don't, don't! It hurts! So where's Duffy? It's not like her to miss out on a box of chocolates.
- She had a night off.
- Oh, yeah.
- She's ready, Ewart.
- Thanks.
Er, Susie? Next admin meeting I'll insist they reconsider the night bus.
- And then what? - Sorry? The night bus and then what? Patrols? Personal bodyguards? What happens if we get attacked in broad daylight? Day bus perhaps? Maybe you'd prefer it if we didn't go out at all.
Of course not, but Ewart, I'm just sick and tired of spending my whole life looking over my shoulder.
Oh.
OK? (Duffy) Yeah.
If you don't want to talk about it, I quite understand.
Yeah, I know.
Charlie, I'm going sick visiting.
(Baz giggling) - We have 20 minutes until the shift.
- Charlie! Dr Samuels, I'm in love with you.
Go and take a cold shower.
Charge Nurse.
She, er She couldn't sleep so they give her some pills.
- The sleep will do her good.
- Yeah.
- Just starting work? - Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
(Chatter) Come on, you guys, let's be having you.
It's not a standing in the corridor party.
- Just a moment, Danielle.
- Miss? What's that in your pocket? It's nothing, miss.
That's the strangest packet of nothing I've ever seen.
I weren't smoking 'em.
They're for my brother.
Oh, well, I'm sure he won't mind if I look after them until after the dance.
Off you go, then.
And what are you grinning at, creep? Funny, I've never really seen Megan asleep before.
Not in 20 years.
(Laughs) She was always on the go.
Up before me, making tea, looking after the boys.
Then there was always that last chore before bedtime, washing-up, ironing letter to write.
She got beautiful handwriting, you know.
Copperplate.
Me and the boys, we We bought her this pen last Christmas with these three nibs.
She She really loved it.
Megan's going to be OK, Mr Roach.
As far as we can tell, the operation caught it in time.
Well, why didn't she say? Why didn't she say nothing? I don't know.
They say nurses and doctors make the worst patients.
We like to think we're immune.
Yeah, it's like taxi drivers.
We always give lousy tips.
Apart from Nana Mouskouri, Demis Roussos and Zorba, name me one famous Greek.
- Plato.
- Never heard of him.
Sophocles.
Aeschylus.
Phidias.
- Nor them.
- OK.
Euripides, Demosthenes, Homer Homer? Didn't he win Eurovision? No, that was Lulu.
- Dimitri, know a singer called Homer? - Look at this.
- Look what I have found.
- Looks peaceful enough.
(Scoffs) We could lose our licence over something like this, you realise? Tell them it's a new offer.
A free cockroach with every houmous.
You be careful, you.
There are about four million people out there would like your job.
No, four million people would want my pay packet.
Nobody would want my job.
What I want to know is, how did it get there? Well, there was no signs of a bus.
Perhaps he came by cab.
- Dimitri! - One more crap out of you - Dimitri! - .
.
I will go I just cut off my sodding finger.
(Phone ringing) Evening, Misha.
Casualty.
It's one of our regulars.
- What are you doing? - We're the decorators.
- What decorators? - Come on, Bob.
Get a move on.
Sorry about this, people.
We'll have to move you.
We need to get to this wall.
- There.
- What are you doing? We're doing the place up a bit.
Got the Royals coming.
Get your flags out.
If you could go over there, please.
Thanks.
We need to get to this wall, see? I know you're only trying to do your job, but if you could refer to me before you start shifting patients around? - Certainly.
Who are you? - The receptionist.
Ah, Susie.
Thy will shall be done.
- Right you are.
- Come on, people, let's have you.
- Kuba! - Thank you very much.
What? Keep it cold? Yeah, I got that.
Look, hurry up, please.
I will.
Yeah, right.
Bye.
- Ambulance is on its way.
- Thank God for that.
I'm going to die.
I know I am.
Ah, don't be daft, mate.
Your typing days may be over and I doubt you'll ever be a pianist but you'll be all right.
- Absolutely marvellous.
- Oscar Crisp? Look, this is nice.
- I don't believe this.
- Oh, yes, I know.
To think I may actually behold a beautiful princess in the flesh.
- Did Ewart say why they were coming? - To see me.
They're passing through Casualty on the way to the new premature baby unit.
Passing through like ocean liners in the night.
- Poetry, boy! - The Royal Family don't work nights.
Then I will stay up for the day.
Why through here? We haven't had anything new since the last by-election.
Except the paint.
As much use to a cardiac arrest as a kick up the jacksie.
Oscar Crisp.
- Oscar Crisp! - Ah.
Oi.
It is an order.
How can he speak in this way of the Royal Family? Leave him alone, Kuba.
He'll be fine.
I must go to Mr Plimmer.
Wonderful, innit? The day shift get the princess, we get the decorators.
Wait there, mate.
- Where's Baz? - Checking on Megan.
- This is a casualty, not a social club.
- All right, Charlie.
All right, sorry about that.
- Make sure she get this.
- Is Duffy in yet? Nope.
All right, Susie? I know she's my daughter.
Look, Ros, I tried to talk to her but she cleared off again.
Ask her.
Yeah, I know it's serious and as soon as this Royal visit's over I will.
It's just that things are particularly hectic.
- (Knock at door) - Hang on for a second.
Yep? Mr Plimmer.
Er ErI find myself in some, ergrave trepidation.
Go on.
Er, not you, Ros.
Hang on for a second.
You see, er, she, the lovely princess, is HRH, Her Royal Highness.
while he, the lovely prince, is also HRH but His Royal Highness.
What troubles me is the following.
Er, does a faithful subject address them as His and Her Royal Highnesses or Your Royal Highness or just Your Majesties? And also, on the question of the bow - Kuba? - Yes, Mr Plimmer? What are you talking about? The bow, Mr Plimmer.
You see Ros, I'll have to ring you back.
This place is like a madhouse.
- If I - Now, Kuba If I Sorry.
( Frankie Goes To Hollywood: Relax) Relax, don't do it when you wanna come Relax, don't do it, when you wanna suck to it Relax, don't do it When you wanna come When you wanna come (DJ) We seem to have Andy Capp here from 4D.
Let's hear Chris de Burgh They're getting restless.
What shall I say? Oh, tell them to - Forget about it.
- Here we are.
Let's have a look.
That's all right.
I've seen worse than that.
Have you tried our kebabs? Pad and sling, please.
(Yells in pain) All right, put it up on the shoulder.
- It's all right if we come too? - (Sandra) Yeah, sure.
- Oh, by the way, where's the finger? - Philip, finger.
(Philip) Well, you said keep it cold.
I'll recover much more quickly if they stop shoving tablets down me at night and waking me up in the middle of the day and treating me as if I'm a 15-year-old kid who doesn't know better.
And I don't need the worry of what you are doing to my washing machine.
Oh, don't worry about us.
Yeah? What happened when I was having Tom? Well, cooking was never my strong point.
Ha, ha.
True.
You managed to set the kitchen on fire.
There were no instructions on the packet.
What was I supposed to do? - (Both laugh) - Ooh! Oh! - Here, let me get a nurse.
- No, don't.
Please.
They'll just shove another tablet down me.
I'm all right, really.
- It was just a twinge.
- You ought to Don't go to pieces on me now.
Please.
( George Michael: Careless Whisper playing in background) (Rain splashing) I'm never gonna dance again Guilty feet have got no rhythm You been in hospital before, Bob? Mm, yeah, I did a job at the Royal last year.
Nah, I meant ill in hospital.
Not me, mate.
Can't stand the places.
- Full of sick people.
- (Both roar with laughter) - And nurses? - Eh? - Hospitals are full of nurses.
- True.
Very true.
Perks of the job, mate.
Here, look.
Hey, Florence.
Wanna come here and feel my pulse? - Pardon? - I said, do you wanna feel my pulse? You're a nurse, aren't you? No, I'm a doctor.
But if you're ill, I'm sure Nurse Johnson would be happy to examine you.
Oh, I see.
What I really wanted was a nice cup of tea.
Hm.
I think you ought to try the staff room.
- Terrific.
- (Bob laughs) ( Radio playing Pet Shop Boys: Suburbia) - Charlie's going over the top as usual.
- As usual.
No, this is reception.
No, I'm a receptionist.
Problems? Some man who says he's in urgent need of a nurse.
- What, sick? - Well, in a manner of speaking.
Ah.
Have you seen Duffy? - No, she's not been in yet.
- Oh! - Another warning? - Yes! The hospital authorities don't tend to accept ominous stellar configurations as a valid excuse for being late.
Where the hell have you been? Attending the sick and needy.
As if I didn't know.
Can I have a word? ( Bryan Ferry: Slave To Love) (Radio off) You've heard about this last-minute cosmetic surgery job? Oh.
Those two are surgeons, are they? No, cowboys in the great British tradition of moonlighting.
We're supposed to shut up cos everybody loves the Royal Family.
- You mean you're gonna shut - ( Radio playing) Absolutely not.
At least we should have been consulted.
That's Ewart's responsibility.
- So what are you gonna do? - Sorry? What is ze plan, Generalissimo? - I'm gonna call a staff meeting.
- Sounds original.
Why not? Right.
King's in the plaster room, Ewart's in his office.
- Where's Duffy? - Late.
Not again.
( Radio playing Bryan Ferry: Slave To Love) Slave to love - Slave to love - Puss, puss, come on.
(Mewing) (Man ) In the Holby area for the next 24 hours.
Looks like showers.
Heavier rain tonight.
Later in the programme, I'II be playing soothing(Indistinct) Wait until you hear the number one duffer she's picked tonight.
That's no reflection on the next record by Heaven 1 7.
.
.
this fascist groove thang Evil men with racist views Spreading all across the land Don't just sit there on your ass Unlock that funky chaindance (Number unobtainable tone) We don't need this fascist groove thang Oh, bum! Oh! Oh, no.
There you go.
Sorry, got to get the ladders round the back of you.
I'm sorry about this.
I know.
There you are, you see.
Why don't you go and breathe down somebody else's phone? - Excuse me.
- No answer at Duffy's flat.
Probably on her way! I've been waiting here for nearly 40 minutes.
We're short-staffed.
I'm sure it won't be much longer.
This is an emergency ward.
I could have bled to death for all you seem to care.
- Are you losing blood? - There's nothing wrong with me.
I was speaking hypothetically.
As I said, we give priority to the most serious cases.
He's had his finger stuck in there for two hours.
Don't you call that serious? If you could wait, I'm sure the doctor will be with you soon.
- Ewart, Charlie was - Yes, I know.
I'm with the administrator.
No calls till I'm finished.
(Kuba) Excuse me, please, Mr Plimmer.
Please excuse me a second.
Er, Susie, Susie! May I say, Princess, I think your nose is delightful in its present form.
Kuba, get knotted.
Absolutely.
Good job, boys.
Well done.
OK.
The boys think we're really mean.
Poor old fatso.
Do you suppose he's still waiting for you? Course he is! - You're a witch.
- I know! I told him to meet me in the changing room.
So I'll go up first.
You wait a couple of seconds then meet me there.
You'll be able to listen to everything he says! (Gasps) (Screams) Sod it! Well, I thought you'd be pleased that the Royals wanted to visit your department.
- Good for morale.
- I'm not disputing that.
- What's the problem? - The painters for a start.
This is a casualty department, not a boutique.
Why are you complaining? This place could do with a lick of paint.
It could do with being knocked down and entirely rebuilt.
You've got no choice.
It's a sixth-floor decision.
Is it? Well, I wish you'd ask your friends on the sixth floor just who's paying for this cos it sure as hell is not coming out of my department's budget.
It's bad enough being the poor relation of the health service without having to waste money on painting pipes.
It's good publicity.
Put you in the public eye.
"No more kidney machines.
We spent the money on flowers for Lady Di.
" You are blowing this up out of all proportion.
In a couple of nights it'll be over.
Besides, as I said If you say this department could do with a lick of paint, I'll resign.
Don't tempt me, Ewart.
- What have we got? - Cut his finger off in a slicer.
Oh.
(Laughs) So, you lost your finger, yeah? ( Faint piano music) Good evening, Ewart.
"How are you, Charlie?" "Not so good, Ewart.
" I've got a nurse who only turns up when the moon is full, a department swimming in drunks and Laurel and Hardy in the corridors creating havoc just to spare the administration the embarrassment of the "Royal Couple" seeing what an NHS casualty department looks like.
I want to know what you're gonna do.
( Piano) (Music stops) (Whistles) Andrew, you are an utter genius.
(Man ) Emergency call.
Respond, please.
With a lousy sense of timing.
(Church bell chiming three quarters past) (Man groans) You all right? (Groans) You all right, love? (Shrieks) Hello.
Thank you.
- I'm gonna stick a tube down.
- What size? Er, seven.
They've tried to contact his family, but they live in Saudi.
- He's got an aunt in Cirencester - Cricoid.
We can't get hold of her, either.
- How long was he in the water for, love? - I'm afraid we don't know.
I don't know what he can have been doing by the pool.
It's out of bounds.
Has he been drinking? We've a firm no-alcohol policy at school dances.
Do you know? We found these.
Come on, son.
Come on, boy.
So then he says - this is Ewart talking, right? "It's a sixth floor decision.
All we can do is bear the inconvenience.
" - (Patient singing) - So the revolution's postponed? Oh, it gets better.
He then says, "Look at the bright side.
"This department could do with a lick of paint.
" He's right in a way.
It could.
I don't believe I'm hearing this.
Do you mind? Can we talk about something else? Yeah.
(Man groans) Megan.
She's asking me to get her sent home.
It's crazy.
She knows it's impossible.
We'll do another mercy mission.
Charlie, you can't move her.
- (Grunts) - Then we'll all go up there.
- (Phone ringing) - After shift.
Sharp.
- Shall I ask him to go? - You keep out of this! Phone, Baz.
Gloves.
- You think something's happened? - Don't be silly.
She'd have had warning from Russell Grant.
What have you got? Two for stitches and a possible broken finger.
All right.
- Ruby McBain.
- Yes, that's me.
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Right.
- Look, man Excuse me for a second.
Susie, I've been royalist all my life.
And I'm not ashamed to say it.
- OK? - Kuba! - Yes, boss? - Ambulance bay.
Charlie will go too.
- Yes.
- What will Charlie do? Blue light.
ETA two minutes.
Drowning.
I'll ring the registrar.
Come on, Duff.
(Laughter) Get off! - What's the matter with her? - She's drunk.
- Come on, Sophie.
- She doesn't look drunk.
What's she doing here? Come on! - I'll be happier if we made sure.
- Oh, come on! (Duffy sobbing) Are you all right? (Phone ringing) - He's got an output now.
- How long was he in the water? Easy does it.
Easy does it.
All right, son.
Nearly there.
- His pupils are up.
- Come on.
Hup.
- Doesn't look too good.
- No.
- You said he had an output.
- He did.
Let's get him on a monitor.
I want to get a line up.
Call received.
Three, zero, zero, two out.
I don't believe it.
Ponting! (Continuous beep) - Come on.
- Adrenaline and atropine.
He's freezing.
Shall we warm him up? (Sandra) Andy, we've got a call.
- Keep him covered.
Get a space blanket.
- Space blanket.
Well, how soon can they get here? Look, did you explain how important it is? Well, what about his aunt? Yes, yes, all right.
OK, just Just phone me back here when you get something.
Bye.
Is he gonna die? Get this to haematology.
I want full blood count, Us and Es, blood alcohol and plasma osmolality.
Have you got that? (Continuous beep) Saline flush.
Not you! Go! Nice and easy, O'Dwyer, just get on with it.
His dad's dead rich, isnÂt he? It's none of your business.
Everyone used to call him Sheikh Your Belly.
Do you realise what you've done? If you'd have been kinder to Selim, this wouldn't have happened.
Poor kid was a pushover for you.
But it was only a joke.
I didn't mean any harm.
I didn't know he was drinking.
Oh, no, you didn't know anything at all.
Why is everybody blaming it on me? It's not my fault.
Nobody liked him anyway.
It's not fair blaming it all on me.
- You didn't like him, did you? - That's enough! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It doesn't help.
- (Sobs) - Come on.
Come on, love.
200 joules.
Stand clear.
- 400 joules? - Yes.
Stand clear.
Come on, sunshine.
Don't die on us yet.
- And again? - Yes.
Stand clear.
(Vomits) There we are.
- He's gasping.
- (Gurgling) I've never had to deal with a drowning before.
Stroke of luck I was here, then.
Anyone seen Kuba? - (Siren wailing) - Female nurse, Easter Steps.
Two passers-by with her.
Police on their way, yeah? ETA? Five minutes.
Roger and out.
That's the fifth attack on a nurse this year.
You'd have thought the hospital would give them night transport for shifts.
Oh, no, it's not enough they work 12 hours with no overtime.
Take home about enough money to keep a cat alive.
They've got to get done over by some drunken nutter in casualty.
Or attacked on the street by a pervert whose turn-on is a woman in uniform.
- That depends on the uniform.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Yeah, that's another thing - Er Duffy? Duffy? Duffy! Duffy! Duffy! - Duff? - Hey - It's Sandra.
- What's the matter? We're gonna help you to the ambulance.
Up you come.
You come back with us to the ambulance.
I can walk.
You can.
Good girl.
Take it easy.
I'm honoured to to meet you Your Majesty.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, I think a little taller.
Perhaps if you were to stand higher.
A bit Oh, yes.
Yes, that's perfect.
- Can we try again? - Ready when you are, mate.
I'm ready.
All right.
OK, fine, fine.
All right.
OK.
OK, OK, ready? OK, I'm honoured to meet you.
Could you? To meet you, Your Majesty.
What do you think? Shall I kiss her hand? I don't see why not.
What do you think, Bob? - Bob? - You got any biscuits, mate? - (Laughs) - You must take it seriously! I'm sorry.
Yeah, why not? Yeah.
Your Majesty.
(Door opens) (Bob laughs) - Have you finished? - Not yet, mate.
We're - Taking a break.
- A bit higher, bit higher.
Cubicle six to X-ray.
Right now.
It was very good.
See you later.
I dunno what cowboy shop you're from and I don't give a toss, but if I see you taking another "break" you'll find your equipment in the dustbin.
- Clear? - Clear enough.
Good.
Put that kettle on, Bob.
ETA? Ta.
Any news on Duffy? Still hasn't phoned.
A nurse has been attacked on Easter Steps.
- Oh, no.
- Not a word until we're certain, OK? Because I am the charge nurse, you are the porter.
It's called rank.
Understood? - I said, understood? - Yes, sir.
Good.
- Have you got a patient? - Yes.
I was filling out some details on haematology.
- Have you finished? - Yeah.
Well, get on with the next one.
Sure, man.
- How's the boy? - He's been taken up to ITU.
Breathing normal, heartbeat normal.
We won't know for a time if there's any cerebral damage.
The school located his father.
He's a big shot out in Saudi.
- He's flying over.
- Oh, I say! How jolly charming of him.
You may get away with snapping at Clive but don't take it out on me.
I'm not in the mood for one of your sulks.
Sulks? I've got patients out there who've been waiting for an hour and a half, a useless replacement for Megan, a porter who's a penny short of a shilling, and a staff nurse who hasn't turned up.
My department is turning into a holiday camp.
It's not funny.
Well, you won't make people work better by shouting at them.
I was not shouting! He's one of those anorexics.
- Yeah? - Yeah, I've seen it before.
No, we'll take her to Holby.
I don't know.
No, don't phone in.
We'll warn the doctor when we get there.
Over and out.
Are you sure you don't want a blanket? - Here.
- No, I'll do it.
Do you want anything? Duffy.
It's all right.
You're with us now.
You're gonna be OK.
- Everything's going to be fine.
- No! No, please don't touch me.
He's all right.
She said not to wait.
He'll be staying all night.
- Back to work? - Nah, no point.
Here, fancy a Kentucky Fried? You know, finger-lickin' good? - Hey, that's a bit near the knuckle.
- Ha! Near the knuckle.
- All right, Mrs Ashcroft? - Yes.
Thank you, Doctor.
(Laughs) Nurse, actually.
Sorry? Thanks for the compliment but I'm not a doctor, I'm a nurse.
You mean the NHS allows unsupervised nurses to deal with emergencies? Your son didn't need a major operation, just a little grease in the right places.
Well, I think it's a disgrace.
I shall most certainly complain.
- Would you like the name of your MP? - I know him already, thank you.
Ah.
- Come along.
At least your finger's OK.
- Thank you, Mrs Ashcroft.
Is Baz around? Thanks, Susie.
You all right, love? You warm enough? Is there anything you want to tell me? I can pass it on to the police.
You know? The bastard's not going to get away with it.
No way.
No way.
Bastard! Bastard! - What happened? - She won't say.
She just keeps saying she doesn't want a fuss.
Come on, Duff, let's get you out of here.
- Charlie? - Yes? Sorry.
Sorry.
( Pop on radio) (Music stops) - Hello, Inspector.
- Have they brought her in yet? What are you talking about? Duffy! Duffy? Cubicles, Duffy.
I'm sorry, you'll have to wait.
- What happened? - Someone attacked her on Easter Steps.
- Oh, no.
Did they? - Sandra! RTA, precinct.
Now! We don't know.
All right.
Back to work.
Simon Goodman.
- Can you get Ewart? - The police are here.
Stall them.
- If it's too modern - No, no, they're lovely.
(Laughs) - Ewart, have you got time to? - (Pager beeps) - I hate these things.
- Me too.
I'll pop up again.
I keep telling you.
No police.
No fuss.
All right, so that's the way you feel now.
But if they catch the bloke? They'll need medical evidence for the police sergeant in court.
You know that.
How many more times do I have to say it? Nothing happened.
I'm all right.
So just leave me alone.
- Look, I realise - Why can't you take no for an answer? - Charlie, give King a hand, will you? - Right.
See if you can calm Susie down.
OK.
Well, Lisa - She's OK, just shaken up.
- Can I see her? - Ewart and Baz are with her.
- When can l? The kindest thing we can do is just carry on as normal.
I'll keep you posted.
- All right, all right.
- (Sobbing) It'll be all right.
Oh, there we go.
Er - Not your brand, eh? - (Sighs) - (Laughs) - Right, what have we got? ( Pop on radio) Ewart, you have to order her to see the gynae.
She won't let me examine her.
- Do you think she's lying? - Don't you? Does she live with anyone? No, on her own.
- Have you tried a sedative? - She won't take one.
Well, let her stay till the end of the shift.
Then I'll take her home.
She shouldn't be left on her own.
- Well, no.
- Andmaybe Oh, she'll talk to you? - Maybe.
- I doubt it.
Ewart, please.
This is urgent.
- (Phone rings) - Casualty.
Look, I've had enough of you.
Why don't you take yourself and your blow-up dolls, your dirty magazines and your perverted mind somewhere it will be appreciated? Excuse me.
Can I help you? Excuse me? Damn! If it's what she wants, we can't force her.
Ewart, we've had a spate of these attacks.
Whoever this man is, he's nasty.
We want evidence.
Does she want him attacking other nurses? - She doesn't want to make a statement.
- Then argue with her.
In 24 hours, a physical examination will be pointless.
I spoke to her.
She said no.
Forensics can make or break a case like this.
Who knows what all this can lead to in court? If Duffy won't go through that, I respect her.
We don't even know what happened.
- Oh, come on.
- We don't know.
Then find out.
Listen, that girlÂs been attacked.
She's in a state of shock.
That's a medical condition and we have to treat it.
I'd like to find the guy who did this too but for now my concern has to be her physical and mental welfare.
(Man on radio ) And the time is 7 am with your local yokel.
And on the line for Clue Songs I've got Mildred.
Morning, Mildred.
- You can't park here.
- I've come to collect me mates.
OK, Bob.
We're going.
(Bob) OK.
- Ta-ra, then, Cuba.
- It is pronounced Koo-ba.
Kuba.
K-U-B-A.
Kuba.
- Cuba.
Great.
We're off.
- Off? Does Mr Plimmer know of this? He will be most put out.
Nothing to do with us.
Security.
Security? Your department's too dangerous, mate.
(Laughs) - But what about Royal Visit? - See you, Cuba.
- Is Ewart in his office? - I'm sorry, our shift is No.
Ewart? They're not coming.
The Royals.
What do you mean, they're not coming? The visit's still on.
They're using a different route.
Palace security reckon that your department is too dangerous.
Thought I'd come in early to sort out the paperwork.
You look as though you could do with a bit of sleep.
Thank you.
They changed their minds.
That's life.
It's a complete waste of time and money, whichever way you look at it.
And please don't smoke in my office! All for nothing.
Sellotape.
Cheers.
I tell you England is asad country.
(Sighs) Right.
Visiting party to attention.
Hup.
Coming with us? All right? Bye, Susie.
(Door closes) (Dialogue inaudible) (Clattering) (Bowl still clanging) (Mouths) (Whispering) Megan? I don't know why you're whispering.
I could hear you from miles away.
Hello.
How are you? Come on in.
Ooh, lovely.
What's that? Duffy? Yeah? Ewart's gonna drive you to my place.
I'll go and feed your cats and then come on and we can talk, OK? If you want.
- I need your keys.
- Yeah, right.
There's a leak in my roof.
I'm a bit worried about my cats.
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
(Sobs) I once had to have an operation.
- Nothing spectacular, though.
l - (Baz) What was it? Well, it was just a - What? - What? - Piles, if you must know.
- Oh! Ooh, don't, don't! It hurts! So where's Duffy? It's not like her to miss out on a box of chocolates.
- She had a night off.
- Oh, yeah.
- She's ready, Ewart.
- Thanks.
Er, Susie? Next admin meeting I'll insist they reconsider the night bus.
- And then what? - Sorry? The night bus and then what? Patrols? Personal bodyguards? What happens if we get attacked in broad daylight? Day bus perhaps? Maybe you'd prefer it if we didn't go out at all.
Of course not, but Ewart, I'm just sick and tired of spending my whole life looking over my shoulder.
Oh.
OK? (Duffy) Yeah.
If you don't want to talk about it, I quite understand.
Yeah, I know.