Cristela (2014) s01e11 Episode Script

Oh, Izzy, look.
We still haven't responded to Britney's birthday party.
Skating party sounds fun, right? I don't feel like going.
Britney always makes fun of me.
She calls me "dizzy.
" What?! It rhymes.
Izzy, what's going on with you and Britney? Why is she picking on you? I don't want to talk about it.
No, no, no.
You got to do something.
When I was in school, some kids changed the bathroom sign to "boys and Cristela.
" And I fell for it.
Twice.
Yeah, that was awful.
I only laughed the first time.
You know, it only stopped when I defended myself.
Izzy what's going on? I just don't want to go to her party, okay? Stupid Britney.
"Dizzy Izzy.
Dizzy Izzy.
" Oh! Still funny! Hey So, did you tell your dad about your problem? The only problem I have is people telling me I have problems.
Ah! Ugh! Dead arm! Aah! Hey, no fighting.
We're not fighting.
We're playing "dead arm.
" And what's that? It's a game.
You're mad at someone, you yell "dead arm," and you punch them.
Hey, you said, "dead arm.
" Aah! That is enough "dead arm"! Let's get ready for bed.
I don't like this girl teasing Izzy.
It's a phase, Cris.
Yeah, kids tease.
I mean, I used to call him "fat Alberto" growing up.
Yeah, and hey, hey, hey! I turned out just fine.
Come on, it's just a little teasing.
I used to call him "handsome Felix.
" Oh, "handsome Felix"? Boy, those are words you can't take back.
You know what, uh I better get us some, uh, some ice on these arms.
You know, they're, uh, already swollen enough as it is.
I think the kitchen's over there.
You know, name-calling hurts.
Izzy's being bullied just like I was 'cause I was into Sci-Fi and loved theater.
Yeah, we we all saw the "Star Wars" musical you wrote in school.
"Princess Leia Miserables.
" Yeah.
And the school paper review "C-3-P-no.
" It hurt then, and it hurts now.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, Cris may be right.
I mean, maybe Izzy needs to deal with this bully.
By "deal with" You mean after school, no? I'll get my savings account.
What is that? It's what she calls her sock full of pennies.
I don't understand how anyone can bully Izzy.
I don't know.
I mean, why did you bully the kids you bullied in school? What are you talking about? Felix, tell her.
It was so long ago.
I mean, who can remember? I bet Rosa Menendez remembers.
Oh, Rosa man-endez.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Mm, mm.
She had a thin, little mustache.
You and your friends would not stop! Oh, please.
I was giving constructive criticism and beauty tips to the less-popular girls.
I was being helpful.
You were being mean.
You know, if you're not gonna talk to Izzy, then I'm gonna do it.
Fine.
Like anyone can stop you.
Gosh! You were a lot more fun when you were a victim.
Mean girl.
So, there wasn't any bullying at your private school? No.
You know, I think rich kids are generally pretty nice.
Oh, ask Josh.
I mean, he must have been bullied.
Oh, yeah.
No.
And ouch for assuming I was.
I actually was lucky.
I went to a suzuki method school.
It's a, uh, hyper-intellectual learning environment that combines music and science.
You're right.
Why would we ever assume you were bullied? Oh, hi, daddy.
Hey, Maddie.
Everybody hard at work? Oh, actually we were talking about Cris' niece.
Yeah, she's getting bullied at school.
And also, we were working.
Me, too.
I got to play 18 holes with clients at sandstone country club.
Oh, look at you, toiling away for 18 holes on what I can only imagine used to be a plantation.
Well I need an intern to come with.
So, Josh, you're my man.
Oh, yes, sir.
I'm your man.
I mean the man.
I am a man.
Yes.
I need you to caddy for me.
Sir, I'm I'm flattered you chose me, but I didn't know it would involve sports.
Maybe Cristela would be a better choice.
Mm, she usually is.
Yeah, um Thing about sandstone country club is it's not exactly Welcoming to your kind, and by that, for once, I don't mean Mexican.
I mean your other shortcoming.
Why don't you get those into the car and we'll buy you some caddy clothes on the way.
You know, at some point, these rich, white men are just going to have to accept that rich, white women belong there, too.
Hey, Izzy.
How was school? Fine.
Mom said not to worry about the note they sent home.
There was a note? The note said "to the parents of Isabella," not "to the parents and the nosy aunt.
" Izzy, go do your homework.
Oh, I was coming to tell mom I finished it.
Uh uh, go tell your dad.
I don't usually do that.
Here.
Go find someone and give them potassium.
Okay.
And just so you know, it was barely a push with Britney.
They're pushing each other now? This is not gonna end well.
Ohh! I knew it! Did you know it was Izzy who was bullying Britney? I did not know that.
"A meeting with a parent or guardian to discuss conflict-resolution tactics is required"? In my day, "conflict resolution" was a spoon with a hole in it.
With a hole, you can swing it faster.
Oh, we got what you were saying.
We weren't looking confused.
We were just having flashbacks.
Isabella pushed her.
So whatever Britney was doing, she's not gonna do it anymore.
Well, then I-I guess it's resolved, then, right? Oh, you mean like you and your friends resolved that thing with the exchange student Jesus? How do you remember everyone? They were very memorable.
Rosa had the mustache, and Jesus had a lisp.
He didn't have a lisp.
He was from Spain.
Barcelona.
Okay, occasionally, I might have been mean while trying to be funny.
I mean, it's a fine line.
No, Rosa's mustache That was a fine line.
Oh, my God! You've got me doing it now! You know, I am going down to that school with you so that we can get it all straightened out.
Wait a minute, why are you going? It says "to the parents of.
" Because you don't send the problem to take care of the problem.
Okay.
You never start anything with anyone that you can't finish.
See? Okay.
And if anyone asks, this is your savings account.
Josh, why are you wearing that at the office? Mr.
culpepper wants me to wear it so people ask why I'm still wearing it so I have to say, "because he's in the finals.
" Are you going to do some Irish dancing? I'm not talking to you after that mean text, so Josh! I did not send you a mean text.
I said "good luck.
" Okay, so it was all in my imagination, Josh, you've met my family.
If I had anything mean to say, I would say it to your face.
So, Maddie, how was your weekend? Um Wait, it's Wednesday.
Why are you asking me now? Fine.
If you're gonna be like that, be like that.
Idiot.
Take that whatever way you want.
I think there's only one way to take that.
I mean, you overreacted.
I was with her when she sent that text.
She really meant it when she said "good luck.
" - You think so? - Yeah.
Besides, I'm the one who says stuff about you behind your back.
Okay, well, maybe I read it wrong I'll text her.
Oh, I've got some new emojis I've been dying to use.
"Emojis"! Are you sure you weren't bullied? Mr.
Alvarez.
He was always so Tough nice.
Mm.
He liked you more back in school.
Yep.
I was popular with faculty and administration.
Man, I was cool.
L-l-look, we'll just We'll listen to what he has to say, and I'm sure he'll understand once we tell him about Ama.
And you.
And you.
Don't forget you.
Cristela.
Did my eyes get bad or did you get more beautiful? Ah, hello, Mr.
Alvarez.
Hello, Mr.
Alvarez.
Hello, Daniela.
So, catch me up on the Hernandez sisters.
Um Well, uh, I'm this close to becoming a lawyer.
Just need to finish out my semester and pass the bar.
I always knew you'd do big things.
Oh.
And I'm a manager at a call center, and I married Felix We don't have much time.
We should probably start.
We're here to talk about Isabella and Britney.
There's a situation to be worked through and resolved before it becomes a problem.
I agree.
There is no room for being a bully.
Yes, I know, and I remember the lengthy song your wrote about that for the sixth-grade talent show.
We all feel just terrible about what happened with Britney.
My mother We're not here to blame.
But, Daniela, you weren't the nicest girl in school.
Mnh-Mnh.
She thought she was being funny.
Hmm.
There's been some poor behavior-modeling in our home.
It's our mother.
She's clearly not the best influence.
Really? Is your mom a big fan of the game "dead arm"? "Dead arm"? I saw Izzy punching Britney.
She said they were playing "dead arm.
" Felix! Alberto! I'm just glad I'm not the problem.
You are the problem.
Ama's the problem.
"Dead arm's" the problem.
Don't punch me.
Hey, guys, come on in and have a seat.
We're having a family meeting.
Good.
I'll start.
Someone has been sneaking in canned beans, and it must stop.
I'll put that on the agenda.
Way at the bottom.
So, uh Why is everyone sitting and the TV is not on? It's called a family meeting.
It's my first.
And I hate it.
A family meeting? Oh, my God, yes.
Family.
I'm, like, part of the family now.
Welcome to the family.
Sit down.
Cris says that we have some very important things to talk about.
Thank you.
"Sometimes, we deal with our feelings in ways that hurt other people's feelings.
" We need to find new ways to handle that.
Fine.
I'll keep my negative feelings about people to myself and bury them deep inside.
And if they die before me, I win.
Someone's been reading her Bible.
Now let's get the ball rolling, huh? We're gonna pass this around and say what makes us angry, but we'll do it in a positive way.
I'll go first.
Uh I get angry when people spoil the ending to "Doctor Who" episodes that I haven't seen yet.
Like that episode where everybody became robots.
Remember that? I haven't watched that one yet.
That felt good.
I'm angry about family meetings.
I'm angry whenever Cristela's mean to me.
I will try to be nicer.
Okay.
You want to hug it out? Shut up and pass the ball.
Very not helpful.
Look, there is an atmosphere that causes bullying in this house, and it needs to be fixed.
Who's the bully? You tell me who it is, and I'll get the spoon out and end it! Well, you should get ready to hit yourself because you're one of the bullies.
You see who I learned it from? My behavior is not my fault! Oh, hey, come on, now.
Way to teach personal responsibility.
That's right, Daniela.
If you have a problem, you should admit it.
Wait a minute.
You guys are both responsible, too.
- What? - What? Yes.
"Dead arm.
" That game is exactly what Izzy did that got her in trouble.
Oh, wait.
Did Izzy say "dead arm" first? 'Cause if she did, Britney doesn't have a leg to stand on.
This meeting is over.
No, no.
We have not talked about the canned beans yet.
Look, you are all responsible for Izzy's behavior, and you guys need to start becoming better role models! Now sit down! Is this because Britney said I was bullying her? 'Cause I just stuck up for myself like Cristela does.
I'll sit down.
Britney said I hit like a girl.
She won't be making that mistake again.
You'd have been proud of me.
Well I think we're getting off track now.
I mean Ama, you you were asking about canned beans.
So now I'm the bully.
Ha! Me! I am, like, the nicest person I know.
Can you believe it? You're not agreeing with me.
I feel like it's important to be honest here But I'm also scared.
You don't have to be scared.
You can just tell me what you think.
I-I could.
But then you'd probably say something to make me feel bad about myself right after.
I I don't do that.
I-I get along with everyone.
I'm not talking to you! Why? D-d-didn't you get my text? Ho, ho.
Yeah.
The one where you called me a crybaby? Oh, I got it.
Uh-huh.
What are you talking about? Uh-huh.
The crying-cat emoji, huh? Oh, gosh.
That's not what I was trying to say.
Oh, ho, that is what you said.
- Are you kidding me?! Yeah! - Oh, no.
I'm not kidding.
Take out your phones! All right, now You're gonna read the other person's text the way that it sounded to you, okay? - Okay, fine.
- Fine, okay.
- Fine.
Let's do this.
- Sure.
Fine.
- Let's do it.
- O-okay.
All right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
"Thanks, Josh.
Good luck with that.
" "What does that mean?" "Just what it says.
Can't you read? Ha ha.
" "Wow.
Someone's dense.
Crying kitty picture.
" See, that's where you called me a crybaby, right there.
N-no, I-I Hey, let's stay in character.
Wait.
Why would you assume that I'm being sarcastic in the first place? Because sometimes you are.
Oh, wait.
Were you being sarcastic just now? No! Wow.
Is that what you guys think of me? Guys When When I say things like that, I I'm being funny.
Mm.
I'm not being mean.
Sure.
Cris, y-you're a really nice person.
- I know.
- Yeah.
You're, like, one of the nicest people I've ever met.
Thank you.
It's just that you have this kind of defense mechanism where you you lash out with humor.
Yeah, it's always funny, but only when it's directed at someone else.
You're not gonna respond? Well, the first three things I wanted to say would have proved your point, so I won't.
I guess it's because I've always had to be tough, you know To learn how to stick up for myself.
'Cause every place I go to, I'm always the underdog.
Why? I'm the first one in the family to go to college, and in that world, we have to work twice as hard and be twice as good to get as far as everyone else.
Do you understand? I think so.
But why is it wrong when I just did what you would do to Britney? Th-there's a fine line between sticking up for yourself and bullying.
And, apparently, I need to learn from it, too.
Sounds hard.
It is.
But I'm willing to work at it.
Twice as hard? Yes.
So I can be twice as good.
Or else somebody gets it.
We'll work on that.
- Are you ready? - Yes.
And I'm not gonna make fun of you because I learned my lesson.
Promise? Cross my heart.
Good.
So, this is the part of the musical where princess Leia has just put the death star plans into R2-D2.
Where are you going? I promised I wouldn't make fun of you.
And the only way that's going to happen Is if I leave right now.