Daria s01e11 Episode Script

Can monkeys surf the net and corrupt our kids? Chimpanzee chat rooms, next on Sick, Sad World.
Put down your weapon.
I surrender.
A little respect for the Stickmata Finest glue gun on the market.
And I thought you were on your way to a sci-fi convention.
No, thanks.
Reality is bizarre enough for me.
Why do I get so much fun out of this? Past life as a barnacle? Don't touch! It took hours to build.
It's the subject of a painting.
You're going to end up one of those old ladies who build their houses out of bottles, aren't you.
There goes your genius grant.
Yeah, but maybe Trent will share his with me.
That's Trent? Come on, Daria.
Let's go complain about the noise, hmm? I don't find it a problem.
I have unusually sturdy eardrums? I think Trent's band might have an opening for a fly girl.
I think I might have an opening for a new friend.
Isn't that two guitars? Yeah.
The other one's Jesse.
He plays rhythm in Mystik Spiral.
"Mystik Spiral"? Trent's band.
Sounds like one of those Doors cover bands that play brew pubs.
Heh, they wish! "You're an angel in black You sure have a knack For putting my heart on a shelf in the back I'm waiting my turn Oh, when will I learn? My poor heart, you're giving it freezer burn.
Yeah " Yo, Trent! You wanna turn it down a bit? Are you kidding? Hey, Daria.
Can't speak must speak Whadda ya think of the song? It has a beat and you can dance to it, if you have no shame.
Cool.
It's called "Icebox Woman.
" You guys oughta come to the next Mystik Spiral gig.
We'll put you on the list.
Daria thinks the name Mystik Spiral sounds like a Doors cover band that plays brew pubs.
Don't ya, Daria? That's not exactly what I maybe you're right.
Would it help if we spelled mystik with two Y's? And I'll spell my name D-A-R-Y-A and be crowned Miss America.
It might.
We doing a show this weekend? Nah, we're going to Alternapalooza this weekend.
You're going to Alternapalooza? Yeah.
It's way out in Swedesville.
You think your car will make it? We're borrowing our drummer's van, the Tank.
It's indestructible.
Yeah, but you know, Jess, it eats gas.
I don't know what we're going to do for gas money.
I could probably scrounge some up, if you let us come along.
We'd enjoy that, wouldn't we, Daria? Pass me a guitar string so that I might silence my friend.
Okay, cool, we're there.
If you can stand being cooped up in a van with Jesse and me for four hours.
Friends don't let short-waisted friends wear hip-huggers.
I hate these big plastic things.
They're so ugly! If I were gonna shoplift, I wouldn't take that cheap thing.
Quinn, cheap is in this season.
Oh, then get it, definitely.
Why are we going to Alternapalooza? Isn't that for girls who don't shave? As members of the Fashion Club, we have to keep up with the latest trends in music and clothes.
And show everyone that popular kids can be as alternative as geeks.
Is this alternative? If you tuck the top in, no.
If you let it hang out, yes.
Do I have to wear clunky shoes? When you wear big shoes, the rest of you looks even cuter by comparison.
Oh.
I get it.
Maybe I'll shave my head! You crack me up, Quinn.
Look, temporary tattoos.
Quinn, what is that thing on your arm? Don't worry, Mom.
It's fake.
Aww, you got a tattoo to match your personality.
I'm going to Alternapalooza this weekend.
This is so I'll fit in.
And if some guy named Pigpen asks you to be his old lady, hell, you'll be ready.
I'm also thinking of having my belly button pierced at the mall What? No daughter of mine is going to mutilate her body for the sake of some fad! Then can I have $29.
95 for a removable nose ring? No piercing required! Good idea.
You don't need any more holes in your head.
Daria Hey, Mom, did you go to any festivals back in the sixties? Oh, sure.
I did my share of partying.
You mean you experimented with No! Your father went to one of the most famous festivals of the decade.
Woodstock? Altamont! Terrible tragedy, but I demanded my money back and I got it.
Wasn't Altamont free? That's the same line they tried to use on me.
Where'd you get that eye-popping polyester number? Daria, it's all about knowing where to shop.
Wow, you look almost normal.
Is this some kind of trick? No.
I'm going to Alternapalooza.
Don't panic.
I think we'll be able to lose each other in a crowd of ten thousand.
I guess.
You're not going to Alternapalooza with that top tucked in, are you? Have fun at the concert dear.
Um, thanks.
Hey, stay away from the brown Jake! Remember, Daria: just say no.
Here's a twenty, for souvenirs or what have you.
I gave one to Quinn, too.
Get yourself something rad.
Thanks.
what are you guys gonna do today? Pay the bills.
Wash the cars.
Wow.
Well, remember to take plenty of rest breaks and stay hydrated.
Bye.
Is that lipstick? I just had a lollipop.
Sure you did, kid.
Ready? Sorry, there's only two seats up here, but there's plenty of space in the back.
Daria, why don't you sit in front with Trent? Oh, I'd much rather be in the back with you, Jane.
Easier to get to your neck.
Girl talk, huh? You know Daria.
She's a regular chatterbox.
Watch your head.
You know the problem with alternative bands? Uh, they're a bunch of cry-babies who suck at sports? Yeah! Ya think the chicks at this thing will be pierced? Piercing is so stupid.
It's bad enough when they have braces.
Cool nose ring, Quinn! You look really alternative! Yeah, I never realized your nose was so hot! Yo, hi.
I'm Dolores.
I'm doing ten to fifteen for armed robbery.
What are you in for? My head hurts.
The cops did that to you, didn't they? Bastards.
Hey, Jane, got any change? Hey, Trent, got any shame? I already gave you all my cash.
Oh, man.
That was Curtis Stalano.
Who? He graduated with us.
Now he's working in a toll booth.
You'd never catch me in a job like that.
Because it falls under the category of employment.
Hey man, we're artists.
Who knows where we'll be in five years.
Still living over your parent's garage? Say it, Daria.
Whatever you're thinking, say it.
If you don't, they'll go on like this for hours.
We've got a vision.
Eyes on the prize, man.
Eyes on the prize.
Yeah, and this guy's not about selling out.
No way.
'Cause for that to happen, you'd need someone interested in buying.
Well, someone had to pick up the slack! "If you lived here, you'd be home by now.
" And bored out of your mind.
Good one, Daria.
Can somebody open up a window, please? Wish I could.
All the handles are missing.
Whoa.
Didn't see that one coming.
Let us know if you do see one coming.
Anybody else smell peanut butter? What am I sitting on? Looks like a sandwich and it's an antique! I can't believe it! Gordon and Victoria? She's six inches taller than him! What's she thinking? That peanut butter is making me hungry.
Killer bee alert! Great.
Hey, Jesse, hand me that map? Come here, you stupid hold still, Daria you're mine sting boy It stung me! He'll never do it again.
Why didn't I just stay home, where it's nice and quiet and nothing ever happens? Stop! Oooh! Foxy lady! I hate to tell you this, but there's a big, greasy spot of peanut buttery goodness on your butt.
Of course there is.
Okay, that's a meatloaf, open turkey with fries, box of Frosted Flakes those are pretty small, hon.
Just one? You're right.
Make it five.
And you? Dry toast and tea, please.
I thought you looked depressed.
You want a booster seat? Five boxes of flakes and one nausea delight! You kids going to that rock 'n roll shindig out near Swedesville? No.
We made a wrong turn on our way to Paris.
You've got a mouth on ya, don't ya? Why? Ever thought of becoming a waitress? What's that smell? Uck! A skunk! Can you rig that glue gun of yours to shoot bullets? I'm ready to end my suffering.
Well, you're not your usually sunny self.
I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass And all in front of Trent.
Now turn the knife counterclockwise.
I can't go back out there.
You go on to Alternapalooza; tomorrow, I'll emerge and begin my new life as a waitress.
Daria, if there's one thing I know about my brother is that he's oblivious.
There's no need to be self-conscious.
Okay.
Now what are you gonna do about that stain on your butt? I'm kidding! It looks alternative.
This is like that R.
E.
M.
video, except you can't read anyone's mind.
I shouldn't have had that tea.
You have to go? There's some trees over there! What the matter, Daria? You gotta whiz? What's wrong? It's Daria.
She has to pee.
You have to pee, Daria? You can pee behind those trees.
See those trees? You can pee behind there! If I'm not back in ten minutes, don't send help.
I knew I should've taken ballet.
Stop staring at me, you squirrel pervert! Cool, Daria? Yeah.
I'm ready for my abuse, Mr.
DeMille.
Hey, I think the traffic's letting up.
They're not going to make fun of me? For peeing in the woods? They're in a band, Daria.
Those boys puke on each other on a regular basis.
That reminds me: you owe me a shirt.
Ugh, stretch pants.
Everywhere, stretch pants.
Hey, these are stretch pants! I'm wearing stretch pants! They're leggings! They're leggings! It's all right.
Three cheeseburger deluxe, four house salads.
With oil and vinegar on the side! What do you mean, they don't have bathrooms at this thing? Is this your idea of a joke? But, babe Brittany, how can you be so naive? It's strictly portable toilets.
No way! Gross! Next, you'll be telling me I have to sit on the ground! Your turn, Trent.
We're up to D.
I'm going to the picnic, and I'm bringing asbestos insulation, brine shrimp, the cryogenically frozen head of Walt Disney and a dromedary.
I'm going to the picnic, and I'm bringing asbestos insulation, brine shrimp, the cryogenically frozen head of Walt Disney, a dromedary, and a Eurocentric view of world history.
I'm going to the picnic, and I'm bringing My glasses! Sorry! Hey, Janey, I saw that one coming.
Don't worry.
I can fix them.
Need the glue gun? Keep that thing away from me.
You'll miss and glue my eyelids shut.
There's some tape in the back there.
Duct tape.
Great.
It's fine.
It looks alternative.
Now my day's complete.
Wasn't that your cousin back there? What? What's that smell? Fertilizer! What do we do now? There's a noise wall up ahead.
There must be houses behind it.
Daria, you and Trent stay here; Jesse and I will find a phone and call for help.
Great plan, huh? Outlet shopping! Change of plan! What is that? A pyramid? A mountain? A square? A clothes hanger! Outlet shopping! What chord is that? G.
Nice tattoo.
Tribal? Maori.
I copied it out of Tattoo World's international issue.
Very graphic, and meaningful.
Yeah, it makes a statement.
You know what it is? I got a tattoo out of a magazine? I got a tattoo out of a magazine.
I guess it's better than trying to copy one off the TV.
Daria, do you ever feel like maybe you're all wasting your life? Only when I'm awake.
Like, no money, no job, you live with your parents, and you still can't play an open D tuning.
Well, I haven't had those exact thoughts Maybe I will end up a townie doing Doors covers.
I mean, who's to say, right? Umm, you know, Trent, it takes a lot of guts to go after a dream, especially when you know that failure can mean spending the rest of your life playing "L.
A.
Woman" in public.
I guess.
And even if it doesn't work out, at least for now you're doing exactly what you want to.
Yeah, that's true.
A lot of people never even get that far.
I guess I'm not doing too bad.
You know, Daria, sometimes it's hard to believe you're in high school.
I find the situation unbelievable myself.
You're pretty cool.
Thanks.
So? There was nothing behind that wall but a cornfield, and the corn wasn't very helpful.
Helpful Corn! That's a cool name for the band.
Even better than Mystik Spiral, All right.
I knew this would come in handy.
Stop pointing that thing at me! Let's go.
We can still catch some of the show.
Uh, maybe not.
Why's everybody going the wrong way? The concert's over, man.
It was amazing.
Where am I? Is he all right? Oh, yeah, he's cool just, you know, a little sleepy.
Are you my Mommy? I should really make pancakes more often.
The batter's so sensual.
Like batter, like chef! Hi, girls.
How was the festival? Written by Anne D.
Bernstein Transcript com com Réponses au blindtest: Fashion Club at Cashman's Jamiroquai - Emergency On Planet Earth Quinn and Daria getting dressed Daft Punk - Around the World Daria telling Quinn she's going to Alternapalooza Skunk Anansie - I Can Dream picking up Daria and Jane Mad Season - I Don't Know Anything picking up Quinn Crystal Waters - 100% Pure Love driving in The Tank Angelfish - Suffocate Me driving in The Tank Beastie Boys - Root Down driving in The Tank Thurston Moore - Ono Soul Brittany hitting Kevin 702- Steelo killer bee alert Beastie Boys - So What'cha Want Helen and Jake getting frisky Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit getting out at the diner Korn - A.
D.
I.
D.
A.
S.
sitting in the diner Trisha Yearwood - She's in Love with the Boy Stacy smelling a skunk Hanson - MMMBop stuck in traffic jam R.
E.
M.
- Everybody Hurts Quinn and friends at the diner OMC - How Bizarre playing picnic game Cake - Frank Sinatra Stacy smelling fertilizer LL Cool J - Going back to Cali detouring to the outlet shops The Cardigans - Been It crowd leaving Alternapalooza G.
Love & Special Sauce - Cold Beverage crowd leaving Alternapalooza Atari Teenage Riot - Speed on the way back home Lightning Seeds - You Showed Me closing credits Cake - Rock 'n' Roll Lifestyle