Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e11 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # Bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! - Hey, this isn't my school.
- Excellent deduction, Gosalyn.
I'm stopping to deliver this top-secret package.
To a garage? It only looks like a garage.
It's really a SHUSH lab.
Oh, right.
Camouflage.
Well, what do you know.
This is where my old school used to be.
And right over there was my house.
Hey, I thought you said you had to walk 12 miles to school.
No, just get back in the car.
I've got a delivery to make.
Or rather, Darkwing Duck has a delivery to make.
Now wait there, and don't get into any trouble.
Really, what kind of person does he think I am? Need I remind you about the floor wax, peanut butter and my VCR? That was an accident.
Just stay put.
Oh, big deal.
So it's a top-secret lab full of totally cool spy stuff.
Does that mean I'm gonna let curiosity get the better of me? You bet.
I am the terror that flaps in the night! - (Hooter) Ah, Darkwing, old boy.
- Hello, J.
Gander.
I believe you know Sarah Bellum here.
She is just demonstrating a remarkable new device.
It gives the appearance of an ordinary stuffed bear, but it's capable of firing over a hundred poison darts with pinpoint accuracy.
We hope to have it ready in time for the holidays.
Whoa.
With this stuff, even I could ace the science fair.
Keen gear! No doubt this insignificant-looking package I brought you contains a mysterious secret vital to the safety of the free world.
Ha-ha.
Greatest Polka Hits? You needed a superhero to guard oompahs? (Dr.
Bellum) They're not just ordinary oompahs.
Uh-oh.
Better hide.
You see, the tape actually contains encoded programming information for my latest top-secret invention.
Behold! The world's first time machine.
Wow.
It's just what I always thought a time machine would look like.
That's the refrigerator.
This is the time machine.
The golf cart? The oompahs operate its time-control mechanism.
- (# polka) - Does it really work? - Well, it hasn't been tested yet.
- And what do these do? Careful there, Darkwing.
That's SHUSH property! Yaah-ha-ha-haah! Oh, what do you know.
It works.
(grunts) Whoa, time travel! Gosalyn, didn't I tell you to wait in the car? And miss this? Whoa! Weird-o-rama! Something tells me we're not in St.
Canard anymore.
Check it out! A Tyrannosaurus! - Yaah! - (roars) Great.
Now where are we? I'd say we're in prehistoric times.
(wolf whistles) I don't believe it.
This is my old school.
Hey, I think I know that kid.
Ooh! (whines) Lamont.
Ha-ha.
What's the matter, Drakey? Aw, did I mush your little comic book? "Drakey"? That little geek is you? No, it can't be.
Come on, Drakey.
My bi-i-ig brother's got a gig for us, man.
Ohh, b-but it might be dangerous.
Ow! Ow.
Ow.
Ow Hey, he can't do that to me.
Whoa! Dad, don't you watch any time-travel movies? You can't butt into the past.
It'll change the future, and we're the future.
Scary thought, huh? Aw, you're right.
Uh, besides, you'll see.
Drakey's not in any real trouble.
It's probably just a clever trick, yeah, to fool everyone into thinking that he's, well, a - A wimp? - I am no Drakey's no wimp.
Come on.
I'll prove it.
(whining) Lamont, please.
No more noogies.
Hey, Boxcar.
You're late.
The King is gonna be here any second.
(Drakey) He's not the real King.
(# chord) My bi-i-ig brother.
# There's plenty to fear I'm a thief with no peer # The one, the only, the King is here # I'm gonna swipe everything I see # The mountains and the molehills all belong to me # There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide # No one to stop me and you know they tried # Don't ya know now that I'm the King? # They'll never catch me, and this king can sing, oh, yeah # Now, here's a little secret I'll reveal # This king is in love and her name is Cecile # She's pretty as they come, with a voice so sweet # She'll knock you, wham-bam, right off of your feet # Well, say, I'm in love, there can be no doubt - (smooches) - # Oh, lordy # Cecile is the one that'll knock you out # So now you know what I'm all about # Cecile's a bad girl and I'm no scout # So tell me now where you keep the bills # Cough up the cash and start writin' your will # Now, step back, Jack, I'm the hand of fate # Gonna crack that safe like an egg on a plate # Cecile # Ohh, baby (rumbling) They must have gone into one of these stores.
And I think I have an idea which one.
Wow! Look at all this money.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Freeze, evildoers, or face the wrath of Darkwing Ahh! Are you crazy? You use your gas gun on them, who knows what could happen to us in the future? (coughs) I had a feeling I wasn't going to like time travel.
Um ahem.
Ha-ha.
J-just go on about your business.
Pretend you never saw us.
Whoa.
Yeah, that's one way-out cat.
Guess things aren't always how you remember them, huh, Dad? I can't believe it, Gos.
Me, a common criminal.
Take it easy, Dad.
You weren't a common criminal.
You were a really geeky one.
OK, we're back.
Now stay out of sight until I can distract Dr.
Bellum and Director Hooter.
Huh.
The-the place looks different.
They must have dusted while we were gone.
- Trouble, Bellum? - It's a coolant problem, Hooter.
Ah! Director Hooter, Dr.
Bellum, boy, am I glad to see you.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I get it.
You're working undercover, right? Well, I brought you back your time machine.
Uh, time machine? Uh, gotta tell ya, those disguises would look a lot better if you'd lose those stupid wigs.
- Ow! - Oops.
Look, creep, unless you want a knuckle sandwich, take your time machine and get out of here.
Oof! (grunts) Maybe I'd better come back some other time? - (# horn plays tune) - The King of St.
Canard.
The what of where? This is all getting very strange.
(# fanfare) Uh-huh-huh, uh-huh-huh, un-huh-huh-huh.
Him? What's he doing here? What are you doing here? Here she is, Your Coolness.
Yuck! You look even geekier than before.
B-but it can't be.
Hey, look what we found.
Well, the King's sorry to bust in on you like this, but y'all are late with your taxes.
But we paid you everything we had yesterday.
Well, that was yesterday, and yesterday's gone, gone, gone.
(# chord) My, my.
Ha-ha.
The King is sorry about that.
Uh-huh-huh.
Uh-huh-huh.
Uh-huh-huh.
Yeah, Lamont, baby, it's time to get a whole lotta shakin' goin' on.
(whoosh) I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the cloud that rains on your hit parade.
- Ow! - Ow! I am Darkwing Duck! Hey, nice act.
Why don't you take it on the road? (muffled) Hey, what are you doin'? Take this off of me.
Why don't you get? (muffled speech) Let me outta here! Uh, say, whatcha gonna do to him, big brother? Well, I thought I'd give our little show-stopper an overhaul.
Ha-ha.
(gasps) But that looks d-dangerous.
Yeah? You worry too much about what's dangerous, Drakey baby.
Anyhow, it ain't you that's gonna get cream-ola'd.
(muffled) Hey, will you get me outta here? No, stop it! Aah! Hey let me outta here, you cash cow.
- Let me go! - Any last requests, baby? How about a medley of your greatest hits, big brother? What do you say, baby? I know all the golden oldies.
How about a polka? Mm, baby, the King don't polka.
(# polka) Hey.
Ooh! (muffled) Whaa! Yaah! (thud) (muffled) Get me outta here, y'all.
How long are y'all gonna stand there while I swing? Aah! Let's rock him! (Gosalyn) Oh, wow.
I can't believe it.
We changed the present.
That goon with the guitar became king of St.
Canard! And you became king of the wimpazoids.
All right, we are back, and this time I'm stopping that swivel-hipped hooligan.
Uh, one small problem, Dad.
- What, another time-travel rule? - Nope.
We're too late.
(King) Come on, everybody, let's shake it.
(DW) A minor setback.
Where'd everybody go? (gasps) Hiya, Drakey.
Uh, do-do I know you? Well, not yet, but you will.
I'm Gosalyn, and this is you.
I mean, this is Darkwing Duck.
The terror that flaps Don't mind him.
He's just a little overdramatic.
It's part of being a superhero.
A superhero? You're a real superhero? Just like Superpig? In the flesh.
Uh, feathers.
Wow.
Are you faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive and stuff? Well, I-I can No, I'm not.
Uh, yeah, look, we're trying to find the guy they call the King.
Oh, b-but it could be dangerous.
- Not half as dangerous as me.
- OK.
I'll take you to his hideout.
We'll show that phony you can't make fun of the real King and get away with it.
(#jazz) Now pay attention, Drakey.
The first rule of superheroing is always utilize the element of surprise.
Aah! Whoa.
Whoa-oa! - (all) Yaah! - (crash) I have to admit - I was surprised.
Well, I hate surprises.
- Too bad, 'cause here's another one.
- (all grunt) Ooh, that hound dog just done and went and made the King real mad.
(# chord) And you know what? What, big brother? That duck is cruisin' for a bruisin'! Uh-huh.
Hi-yaha! Now go ahead.
You try it.
Hi-yaa Oof! Oh, what's the use? I'll never be a superhero.
They have superpowers, like Superpig.
Super phooey.
All a hero needs is a little courage, confidence and a clean cape.
Why don't you try that kick again? Oh, all right.
- Yaa hah! - Ooh! Sorry.
I didn't mean to (wheezes) Don't mention it.
The kick was just perfect, Drakey.
- Just perfect.
- Really? Hiya, Drakey-wakey.
(gasps) Lamont.
Remember, courage and confidence.
Hi-yah, hi-yah.
Hi yah? Yo, Drakey, you're tougher than I thought.
How's about joinin' our gang? No way.
Superheroes don't join gangs.
Oh, right.
Well, if you change your mind, we'll be knockin' over Royal Records tonight.
What do you know.
Maybe you weren't such a wimp after all.
Ha-ha-ha.
The little wimp fell for it.
He really thought I was afraid of him.
Smooth move, little brother.
Looks like our little trap is all set, which means there's gonna be some mighty good rockin' tonight.
(#jazz rock) (Drakey) Well, this is Royal Records.
Records? They're like big CDs, right? Anticipating his opponent's every move, Darkwing Duck prepares to turn the turntables on the rascally rock-'n'-roll robber.
Don't worry.
The only weapon a superhero needs is a Well, it's You know, I'm beginning to see the resemblance here.
Ready, Drakey? Um, uh, d-don't you think this is all too d-d-dangerous? Oh, come on, Drakey.
There's nothing up here but records.
Yeah, mostly rhythm and bruise.
So glad y'all showed up for my latest hit.
I knew it'd be d-d-d-dangerous.
(Gosalyn and Darkwing) Ooh! Looks like these two could use a little dancin' music, Lamont.
Uh-huh-huh.
You got it, big brother.
Well, come on, babies, let's rock on down and snag us some of those gold records.
(both yelling) What am I gonna do? What would Superpig do? prepare, evildoers! Oh, forget about Superpig.
What would Darkwing Duck do? I know - let's get d-dangerous.
Ah Yi! Bubblegum? I was saved by bubblegum? Dang.
Somebody's messin' with the King's music.
Look, it's Drakey Mallard.
I am the toddler that naps in the night.
- The what? - I am Dark Whoa! Whaa-ha-ha! Whoa! Don't just stand there.
Get the King back his hair! Let's get dangerous and knock that King impersonator right off the charts.
Don't be cruel now.
Hand over the rug.
- OK.
Fetch.
- No! Yaah! Incoming! OK, Kingy baby, let's see how you like a little shake, rattle and roll.
# There's nothing to fear 'cause Darkwing is here # The prince of the night, the duck of the year # I am the terror that flaps in the night # The baddest of good, the champion of right # I'm everywhere at once and nowhere at all # You get in my way and you'll take a fall # Before you bail, before you split # I'd like to play my biggest hit, oh, yeah # I never will rest till all the punks are in jail # They're all scared, there's not one I can't nail # Never know where I'll strike, never know where I'll be # I am the greatest from sea to sea # I put an end to all their schemes and scams # 'Cause I'm Darkwing Duck, that's who I am # Don't mess with me, you worthless punk # You stink like a skunk, your ship is sunk # You run into me, you're plumb out of luck # 'Cause now you're up against Darkwing Duck # So don't you worry your pretty little head # 'Cause I'm Darkwing Duck, that's what I said, uh-huh (quacks) Take that.
(# chord/rumbling) Um anybody got a broom? Whoa, my mama told me not to become a musician.
And so with the villainous vocalist and his lyrical lackeys safely locked up, the fearless Darkwing Drakey can at last breathe easily.
Well, nice work, son.
Funny clothes, though.
Oh, I didn't do so much.
It was Darkwing Duck who Hey, where'd he go? I still don't get why you don't remember a duck in a cape helping you when you were a kid.
A perplexing puzzlement indeed, especially with my photographic memory.
Now, uh, where the heck did I park that time machine? Dad I knew that.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, baby.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck