Fastlane (2002) s01e11 Episode Script

You want me to go to a brunch? The girl's bringing a friend and I thought you'd like to meet her.
Hot chicks don't go to brunches.
Grandmothers go to brunches.
And, besides, it's not like I have trouble meeting women.
Women you lie to, women you have to bust, women you shoot at? Well, what's your point? I'm saying 12:00, man.
Try not to look like you got a rap sheet.
- Can you do that? - Okay, we're all set for the payoff.
Five hundred thousand dollars.
When is all this going down? Dirty Marty's coming over tonight to my house.
Good.
Keep the money locked up until then.
You'll both be wired.
When he accepts the money and you take possession of the stolen item, I'll come in.
What kind of guy would hold something like this for ransom? A guy who doesn't care if a guilty man goes free.
- Hello? Hey, it's me.
Marty, what's up? Hey, uh, I got a slight problem.
Yeah? - Hello.
- Change in plans.
Dirty Marty wants to do this tomorrow night instead.
Okay.
Well, the trial doesn't start till Monday.
Keep the money in the safe.
We'll make the buy tomorrow.
- All right.
- Mr.
Deaq.
- You will wear this for your big date.
- Oh, thank you.
You are the best housekeeper I ever had, Inez.
Actually, you're the only housekeeper I ever had.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Bunny, you looking good, girl.
What's been going on? The Fiji shoot? Went two days longer than they booked me for.
I had to totally rearrange my schedule.
- Don't you just love brunch, partner? - You know I do.
So, what kind of partners are you? - Business.
- We can't say.
What do you mean, you can't say? Well, we could say, right? - Well Yeah, right.
Business, I mean - No.
- Business.
- Business.
- Business.
- Business.
- Business.
Bunny, is that a family name? They think we're criminals.
You don't know that.
Okay, maybe they think we work for the CIA.
Chicks dig that, it's mysterious.
They went to the restroom and didn't come back, man.
Ain't no mystery about that.
Good.
Because I got a whole new mystery for you now.
Oh, hell, no.
Oh, God.
Inez, you okay? Call an ambulance, man.
I've seen a lot of bad things, but in my own house? Damn.
How's Inez doing? Still in surgery.
What are we thinking, Dirty Marty pulled a fast one? No, actually, I had a tail on him.
He never left his house.
Whoever did it, I'm gonna nail their ass.
That's on the real.
There was no forced entry, right? No, no, uh, maybe Inez let them in by accident.
No, I think she was a surprise they weren't counting on.
Why do you say that? There's been a series of burglaries on the west side.
Wealthy victims with high-end homes, flashy cars.
The job happens fast.
Small valuables, they carry easily.
There's no forced entry.
And the owners? They're always out of the house.
Charity events, private parties, this fits the profile.
- I'm hoping you got a theory on who that is.
Maybe.
This brunch you guys went to who parked your car? The Santa Monicas.
All the targets drove luxury vehicles with registration addresses in close proximity.
Hey, Jill? You're not gonna believe this.
Come here.
So how we gonna get these bitches? You boys ready for a party? Our targets are working this party.
Your job is to become their target.
This is nice, Donovan.
- Yes, it is, Deaqon.
Sir? Excuse me? Fresh calamari, gentlemen.
I'm trying to cut down.
You think they bit? I don't know.
You're, uh, Wilhemina's friends, right? Yeah, that's right.
I'm Van, this is Deaq.
Van, nice to meet you.
Deaq.
Great party, thanks for letting us crash.
Wilhemina's, ahh, friends are friends of mine.
- Ha, ha.
If you know what I mean.
- Ahem.
How do you know Billie? Well, we go a long way back, Billie and me.
Way back.
Boys, have a good time.
Enjoy yourselves.
- Thank you.
- Bar's right over there.
If you need anything, scream.
Thanks.
What? - Did you see the wink? - He winked at you? No, no, no, did you see the wink, man? - Maybe he had something in his eye.
- No, no, no.
The guy That means things went on.
You understand? - With Billie? - Like things happened, yes.
Like way back, like legs back.
- You know what I'm saying? - I don't wanna think about it.
Here it is, 77 Rockingham.
- We're not doing this.
- Sara, what is your problem? You don't wanna spend the 500,000 and now what? We don't know that money's clean.
Nobody keeps that kind of money around the house.
Yeah, that's why we're sitting on it, okay? I agreed to that.
I did not agree to stop entirely.
We're not just talking about burglary here.
We shot somebody, Jill.
We could have some heat on us.
I'm not going in there.
The girls didn't take the bait.
But we found out who they are.
Sara Matthews, Jill Kistler.
They've worked for the valet service part-time for three years.
You think they made you, got scared off? No, I just think they got a little smarter, a little more cautious.
So maybe they think they're gonna retire on that half a mil or at least take a break.
Either way it's bad for us.
They got sheets? No record.
But Sara? She's got a couple of restraining orders against her.
Seems to me she gets too attached to people.
Might be the weakness we can use.
So I guess you want us to go at these girls personally.
Get next to them.
Cozy up.
This is what I found out about them: Their interests and places they frequent.
- I get the blond.
- How did I guess that? Okay, there they are.
I say we go over there, start talking to them and introduce ourselves.
What if they recognize us, Mr.
Goodbar? We're just two regular guys who know what they want and are going for it, okay? Chicks dig dogged persistence, believe me.
Yo, which one you think pulled the trigger on Inez? I don't know, but we're about to find out.
Okay.
Ooh.
Hey, now.
Wow, ha, ha.
Hmm.
- Hey! - How did you two get in here? - How did you get in here? - I don't know.
- We didn't say nothing about a three-way.
- This is total discrimination.
How do you know we're not gay guys coming to meet the girlfriends? What's wrong with a black man and a white man getting together? - What's wrong with it? - You guys are together? - Yeah.
- Of course.
Come on, look at that hat.
What kind of straight man would wear a honeydew hat with a honeydew tank? Well, what straight man would say "honeydew" instead of "green"? - You're a couple, huh? Yes.
- Well, let's see you kiss.
What? Ha, ha.
He wants to see us That's not We were macking out in the car on the way here.
- We'll do it.
We'll do it.
- We'll do it.
- I want you to know I'm not in the mood.
- That's right.
Because when we got out in the parking lot, we had a little spat, you know? I saw you eyeballing Mario on the way in.
Don't ever do that again.
I'll cut him off completely sexually, at least until you apologize.
- Well, I'm sorry.
- Sorry? - Come on, smooch, boys.
Whoa! Easy.
You can't force relationships back together, they need time.
- They need time to grow.
- We just got out of counseling.
- All right.
- Yes.
You wanna see it, watch this, there's gonna be skyrockets.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- You ready? - I love you.
I love you too.
Hold up.
Hey, I can't do this, y'all.
We'll show ourselves out.
Ha, ha.
Don't ever try to kiss me, you hear me? I'm saying, don't even do nothing like that.
Sara and Jill are lesbians.
We're gonna need a little more time.
More time? More time for what? Well, they may be lesbians, but they don't have to stay lesbians.
Van thinks he can turn them.
Okay, I'll let you in on a little secret.
You're the reason lesbians become lesbians.
Is that? Ha.
Is that necessary now, sir? We have to pay Dirty Marty tonight.
We have no more cold hard cash.
I got this new IA guy all over my finances.
I can't ask him for more.
- What about liquidating some of this? - It's government property.
It's paperwork and approvals up the wazoo.
Maybe I can get Marty to give us extension.
That's true.
Okay, you guys do that.
Wait, where are you going? I'm gonna go see the lesbians.
You wanna dance? Oh, no thanks.
You sure you don't wanna dance? This song is hot.
No, not this time, maybe next time.
- Can't blame a girl for trying.
- No, you can't.
Hey, um, do me a favor? Pretend we're together.
What? Pretend we're here, together.
Oh.
Ha.
That's Neve.
As in, never takes no for an answer.
As in, never going to happen.
Hmm.
How's this? It's, um It's good.
I've never seen you here before.
I've never been here before.
I'm Billie.
Hi, Billie, I'm Sara.
- Welcome to Girl Bar.
- Thanks.
Why did you do that? Got rid of your problem, didn't it? Yeah.
Yeah, thank you, I think.
You want a drink? Yeah, I do.
What are you drinking? Whatever you're having.
So are you new in town or what? Why would you say that? Because every gay girl in L.
A.
Comes here.
No.
No, I'm not new in town, I'm just, um I'm just new at this.
Really? Uh-huh.
Wow.
So you're not really gay, you're just bi-curious.
I'm more than curious.
So, what's your story? You ask a lot of questions.
Do you wanna dance? Okay.
More time? I don't like the sound of this crap.
You don't understand what we're saying.
We got a big payday coming real soon.
- And I mean, big.
- Really big.
Two words: I don't really give a rat's ass as long as it's the 500 K we agreed on.
You'll have it Saturday.
Uh, no, I'll have it Friday or I'll just take my merchandise over to those greedy defense lawyers.
I'm sure they would love to bury what I got.
Marty's giving us till Friday to come up with half a mil.
Okay.
Okay, well, that's good.
I haven't met Jill yet, but me and Sara really connected.
We're gonna meet again tomorrow.
That was fast.
I know.
So this is what I'm thinking.
I wanna motivate them to pull another job.
We nail them for that, trade down jail time for the money.
Whoever didn't pull the trigger is gonna wanna deal.
What are we thinking? Van, you and I are going through a bitter divorce.
You have a lot of bucks, okay? And you have ties to the criminal world.
You're pissed off because I left you to be with women so you wanna leave me nothing.
You know you only have four days till Friday, right, Billie? I mean, you really think you can pull this off in four days? Wait, you don't think I can? I'm just saying you haven't been undercover in a while.
You might be a little rusty.
Rusty.
Okay, so you think you can get the 500 grand before me? You know what? You're more than welcome to try.
- Can we keep our eye on the ball? Wait.
You wanna make this into a competition, like a who's-a-better-cop contest? Let's do it.
- That's what we'll do.
- Hey! If you wanna, let's do it.
- What are we doing? Hey, hey.
- You want it? Stop.
Come on.
What are y'all doing? Come on, man.
Somebody got shot.
Right on my living room floor, okay? This ain't about no competition.
It's about teamwork, okay? We need to get the money to make the buy for Marty, period.
We need to nail these girls for armed robbery and attempted murder, period.
- You're right.
You're right, I'm sorry.
- Okay.
Yeah, me too.
We're sorry.
- Still gonna kick your ass.
- You're never gonna see my ass.
My ass is gonna be so far ahead of your ass.
- Take a look at it.
Last time you'll see it.
- Oh, really? So you were married.
Yeah, um Well, the divorce is actually gonna be final in a couple of weeks.
His name is Van and he's a lowlife criminal punk.
And a successful one, mind you.
But a lowlife at heart.
What kind of criminal? He had his hands in a lot of different things.
Bookmaking, ran some con games, prides himself on being versatile.
Oh.
Ha.
Do you know that's the first time I've ever told anybody about that? Wow.
I protected that man all this time and what good did it do me? He's totally screwing me over in the settlement.
You know, California's a fifty-fifty state, Billie.
He can't cut you out.
You know, I have a really great lawyer, if you need one.
I really appreciate that, but it's not gonna help.
I mean, everything that Van has is under the table and off the books.
And if it's off the books, I can't take half of it.
So why is he being such an ass? Your wife tells you she'd rather sleep with women than him? - Kills a man's ego, huh? - Yeah.
Just a little.
I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
The credit-card company rejected your card.
- What? - They said it's been canceled.
You know what? Let me get it, I've got it.
- No, no, no, I invited you.
- No, use this one.
Next time.
We can't sell anything without the proper paperwork but we do the next best thing.
Boost some cars, take them to Lancaster, have a street auction.
That's stealing where we're the only suspects, okay? I don't do anything illegal when I have What do you wanna do? It's like standing in the middle of a lake, dying of thirst.
Here's what we do, we borrow.
I can't believe it.
I mean, he's such a bastard, he cancels my credit card.
Billie, don't worry about it.
- Thank you.
You're welcome, miss.
- It's fine.
- I'm living at a hotel.
My credit is non-existent.
I'm a little worried about it.
Look, I don't want to, uh, insult you in any way but, um, why don't you take a small loan, you know, from me? Just pay me back later, you know, whenever, no strings attached.
Just I have baggage of an ex-husband.
I take you to lunch and I can't even pay for it.
You take pity on me and offer me a loan.
This is a lot more than you bargained for.
I like getting more than I bargained for, though.
It's okay.
Hey, you do martial arts? Yeah.
Yeah, I kick a little ass now and then.
I'm Jill, Sara's roommate.
I'm Billie.
You're good.
You're better.
You think that's gonna make me like you? I don't care if you like me.
I care if Sara likes me.
She doesn't fall often, but when she does, it's fast and hard.
You break her heart, you'll answer to me.
Man, you cats want me to give you 500 G's? Not give, borrow, okay? When we close the case, you get it back.
Hey, Q, it's Deaq.
I always close.
- You know this, man.
Come on.
- "We.
" We always close.
The International Bank of Aquarius does float that flow from time to time, man but not to friends.
Especially the civil-servant kind.
It's just bad for business.
Look, man, we in a tight situation, all right? Real is real.
I mean, any play, any way.
It is this cat, man.
Owe me a nice size wad.
Seven hundred forty-two thousand, ninety-two cents, just to be exact.
Trying to chase his ass down for, like, six months now.
If you boys can do the do, then, uh, you can, uh, "borrow" that.
Cat's name is Carl Menzies.
Thanks, man.
Good looking out.
- Thanks, dude.
- Ain't no thing.
Y'all be cool.
- Oh! - Yeah? - By the way.
- Yeah? Why's it been so long to collect on this guy? You see the man, you will soon see.
Go 20 large on the Knicks, Ronnie.
I know they don't have a point guard and a big man in the middle but I'm feeling that they suck just enough to steal one from the late show.
So let me get this straight.
You guys were sent by Fudgy the Whale.
He wants his green and the best he could come up with was a couple of boy-band rejects.
Aquarius doesn't want his money, he's gonna get his money.
One way or the other.
What are you gonna do, pop a man in a wheelchair? Huh? Do you really wanna be that guy? I got one for you.
I'll bet you the whole kitty you don't have the cockles to lay one on my polio-inflicted jaw.
Ronnie, let's talk Sixers and Spurs.
Hey.
So how much money did you guys get so far, huh? - Let's just say, a lot.
- A lot.
- How's it going with Jill and Sara? - Great, great.
Which, oh, reminds me, I need you guys for my play.
I want you guys to repossess my Corvette, stage a little domestic dispute to sell the divorce, huh? Yeah, I don't think so.
- You don't think so.
- No.
You guys are two, two people.
I'm all by myself.
You guys have each other to play off of.
- I only need you for an hour.
- He'll do it.
- Thank you.
- You can't promise her.
I just did.
Remember what this is all about, ladies and gentlemen, okay? It's not about who can get $500,000 faster.
Inez is doing better, by the way.
Thanks for asking.
I'm glad.
Send her my best.
So? All right, I'll play the ex, okay? But that's it, that's all I'm doing.
You need help? Fine.
After that, you're on your own.
Sara told me you're married.
Um, yeah, I was.
She also told me he screwed you in the divorce.
Yeah, well, I just have to start new.
It's gonna be good.
You don't have a job or money, you're just living in a hotel? - Jill.
- What? I'm just getting to know your new friend.
You don't mind my talking to you, do you? No, no, not at all.
Cool.
Think I've reached my boiling point.
Come here.
I am so sorry about that.
She gets a little overprotective sometimes.
I think it's more than being just protective.
Oh, no, no, God, no, she We're not even each other's type.
Honestly, we're just really good friends.
You, on the other hand, are totally my type.
And what is your type? Let's see.
Blue eyes.
- Okay.
- Mm-hm.
Um, good body, athletic, little too spunky for her own good.
You know, you're describing yourself.
I know, I know.
I figure, if I can't be a better me, I might as well date it.
Why don't you stay here tonight? Yeah.
Billie, there are some guys messing with your car.
What? - Almost got it.
- Hurry up.
Are you kidding me? Did you follow me here? I'm not here for you, okay, Billie? I'm here for the 'Vette.
- This is my car, my name's on the title.
- Well, who makes the payments? Me.
Right? Who can afford to make the payments? Me again.
Careful, hon.
You sound like a little man with a little dick.
See, now you don't like those anymore, that's not really an insult, is it? Was I talking to you, muffy? Why don't you back it up? I guess we know which amazon is doing you.
That would be me.
If you can't be a gentleman I'm gonna make you a lady.
- Would y'all just chill for a minute? - Listen, um, Sara.
I really appreciate this, but this is kind of my problem.
Apologize.
Yo, man, I think you'd better, you know what I'm saying? I'm sorry.
Okay? I'm very, very sorry.
Happy? Let's go.
I thought that chick was gonna blow your bagels right off.
You think that was real fear? - You should have seen your face.
- Come on.
Yo, I know that was a real gun.
I was playing her game, dude, that's all.
I was thinking about how we could get that money off of Menzies.
How's that? - We play his game, right? - Uh-huh.
He's a gambler and what do gamblers like? Wayne Newton, all-you-can-eat seafood buffet.
High stakes.
- High stakes.
- That's how it is.
- Ten-to-one I get this shot in.
- Ten-to-one, $4.
Aw! How could you live with that guy? How could you live with any guy? I don't know, on both counts.
I'd really like to get that bastard.
The only way he's gonna feel it is in his wallet.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Sara.
We could get you your half the money, Billie.
I mean, it's not a problem.
We could Hell, we could get it all.
How could you do that? Can I talk to you? Alone? Now? Yeah.
I'll be right back, all right? Yeah.
You're the one who wants to keep pulling jobs.
You wanna do this one for your little girlfriend in there.
We don't know what she's really after, if she can keep it to herself.
Come on, I offered her a loan, she wouldn't take it.
She was married to a thug.
She kept that to herself and that says a lot.
I don't know.
Um Billie, I don't park cars for a living.
I, uh, rob houses.
Wait, you're kidding, right? She's not kidding.
Being valets gives us access.
So you're suggesting, what, robbing my ex? That we go and get, you know, what he owes you, your half.
And a little more.
I love it.
Okay, um, good.
So we'll just need to know everything about the house.
The alarm codes, where everything is, when Van's there, when he's not.
Okay, well, uh, let's see.
Van's usually always gone in the afternoons and, well, the alarm's kind of complicated.
I mean, you have to bypass every room separately, but - Maybe I should go with you.
- Yeah, maybe you should.
- Yeah, so when are we gonna do this? - Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Okay.
So when's Aquarius gonna learn that he's loaned money to the wrong set of wheels? We were thinking, since we can't beat you down like the little bitch you are - Oh.
- Let's make a wager.
You've got my interest.
Sacramento's playing the Cavs.
- We put the 742 on an upset Boring.
That's no fun.
But if you wanna dance, I've got a proposal.
Okay, go.
If one of you can make a shot at that trash can I'll pay up.
And if not, we erase the debt.
Come on, where's your sense of theatrics? If you miss I take off the other's kneecap.
Sidebar.
- Let's go for it, man.
- No, I'm not going for it.
You wanna go for it, it's my kneecaps.
I'm not risking that.
- Man, I can make that shot.
- No.
I've been playing basketball every day of my life.
What if you miss? I gotta hobble along my whole life? - I'm gonna hit it.
- No.
- I'll protect the knee.
- No.
- Let a brother get your back.
I got it.
- Don't do it.
It's not - Let's do this thing.
Uh-uh.
You don't shoot.
He does.
- Hold on, man, what? - You heard the man.
- No, why he have to shoot? - I shoot.
You agreed before we specified terms.
And now I'm specifying terms.
He's got a point.
What's the matter, don't have faith in the white boy? Do it.
- Do it, do it.
- Okay.
- Wait, what you doing? - The hook shot.
No, wait, wait.
Don't do the hook shot.
- I gotta do the hook shot.
- The hook is not good.
- Do you want your knees on you? - Please, man, no.
No! Did you see that? Did you see that? - Who's the white man with all the moves? - White people can shoot.
Take that frown off your face That's right.
Yeah.
- Yes.
You lost, time to pay up.
- It's time to pay.
Fair is fair.
- That's right.
- That's right.
I can give you 250 now, the rest next week.
Wait.
I know that truck.
What, the diaper truck? JILL From that job on Rockingham.
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
The neighbors have a baby.
Then let's wait.
If they're just delivering diapers, they'll be leaving soon.
Okay, look, I said they have a baby.
Let's just do this.
See? Come on.
Come on.
- It's over there.
- Left or right? Right side.
All right, it's two Twenty to the left, 17 to the right.
Ooh.
- There are cops outside.
- What? The freaking delivery truck.
Sara.
I think this whole damn thing is a setup.
And I think this bitch has something to do with it.
- Okay, she's with us, Jill.
- I wanna check her.
You're not gonna touch her.
Then you do it.
See if we have a partner or a hostage cop.
Oh, my God.
She's a cop.
You're a cop.
You played me.
I thought you could use some backup.
Jill.
Where's Jill? Move in, move in.
Go find Jill.
The second floor.
Up a floor.
Sara, hold on, okay? You're gonna be okay.
Jill got away, I know she did.
You should be worried about yourself right now.
Why? It's all over with, anyway.
I'm gonna go to prison.
All right, you listen to me.
I'm gonna make you a deal.
If you tell me you didn't shoot the housekeeper and you tell me where that 500 grand is I'll make sure you walk.
Why would you do that for me? You still ask a lot of questions.
You want the deal or not? Van's with SWAT.
No sign of Jill in the house or on the property so they're going door to door now.
- Sara on her way to the hospital? - Yeah.
I'm on my way to her house, see if that money is where she says it is.
- You good? - Yeah, yeah.
- I'll meet you back at the Candy Store.
- All right.
See you.
I'm sorry, guys, but I've had another offer since we met last.
Seven hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars, to be exact.
- We had a deal, Marty.
- I know we did, we did.
But if you guys really want what I got you'll probably wanna put in a counteroffer.
Counteroffer.
Excuse me for a second.
Two hundred and fifty K.
Along with the 500 K.
- That makes 750 total.
Do the math.
That's very nice.
Congratulations, gentlemen.
That makes you the high bidders.
That's very nice.
Thank you.
Hey, Marty.
You have the right to remain silent.
All that for one hair.
A multiple-murderer goes free without that hair.
And Inez's shooter would have gone free.
Just in case you guys wanted to know, she's gonna be fine, by the way.
- Goes home tomorrow.
- I sent her flowers.
- You did? - You didn't? - No.
- Uh.
Did you put my name on the card? - No.
- You could have put my name on the card.
You know, I can't believe that Dirty Marty tried to up the price.
That's just ridiculous.
I have to say, without that contest, we wouldn't have had enough money.
I know.
Like I always say, teamwork.
Exactly.
And it would have gone a whole other way if you didn't back me up.
Hold up.
Hold up.
First of all, that was my idea to swoop in Han Solo-style, - Van fought me the whole way.
- What? - All right, guys, I'm out of here.
- Go and ask her, just go.
Good night.
- Hey, Billie, um - Yeah? - Let me ask you a question.
Woo, um - What? - Van and I, by the way we were, ahh, wondering.
- Just curious.
- Just curious.
And you can be honest, because we family, you know what I'm saying? Do you miss being undercover, you know being? Yeah.
Yeah, sometimes I do.
I wanted to know.
I was Something on my mind, you know - Okay.
All right.
- Night.
Have fun.
See you.
Way to go.
Why didn't you ask her the other question? Man, I chickened out, what you think? I don't wanna get in that lady's business.
Why didn't you ask her? You said you were gonna do it.
I would have done it.