Gilmore Girls s01e11 Episode Script

- "L" - Laryngitis.
- "M" - Mumps.
- "N" - Narcolepsy.
"O" Do we have to do this every time we decide who has to clean the refrigerator? - You wanna go back to thumb wrestling? - Osteoporosis.
"P" - Puppies! - That's not a disease.
Oh, boy! Hi! - Rory, look at the baby.
- Mom.
'Buttercup was found cold and wet, hovering under a hydrangea bush 'along Highway 26.
' It's a sad highway! As compared to all the happy highways she could've been abandoned by? 'Her lineage includes cocker spaniel, golden retriever, Bouvier des Flandres ' - Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
'And rottweiler.
' 'Buttercup is a special dog.
She is extremely skittish 'and tends to react badly toward blond-haired females, brunette males 'children of either sex, other animals, red clothing, cabbage, or anyone in uniform.
' - We just found the doggy version of you.
- Can I help you? Do not let these two anywhere near a dog.
They can barely feed themselves.
Shut up.
We would be excellent pet owners, thank you.
- You cannot be serious.
- We could get him a pretty bowl.
- It's a her.
- And a new name.
- Mom.
- This Buttercup thing really has to go.
- Do I need to remind you of Skippy? - Skippy? - I can't believe you would bring that up.
- Skippy was our hamster.
- He doesn't care.
- What happened to him? Nothing.
Every time Mom put her hand in his cage, he'd bite her.
- And laugh.
- Hamsters can't laugh.
This one laughed.
Trust me.
- So, finally, she got fed up.
- Of being laughed at by a hamster? Yeah.
She stopped cleaning its cage.
Instead, every day she'd stuff Kleenex in there.
- You didn't.
- It was the quilted kind.
This goes on, and the cage is just a cage full of Kleenex that moves a little.
- And the smell, really good.
- I can imagine.
No, you can't.
Then she takes the cage to the place where we bought him waits for the sales guy to go behind the desk, dumps it on the counter, then bolts.
You abandoned your hamster? I know it was bad, but this was a vicious hamster.
This was like a Damien hamster with little beady eyes, and a big forked tail and a cape with a hood and - Bye, Buttercup.
Bye, Luke.
- You did the right thing.
- I want a pet.
- You have me.
- You won't get my slippers in the morning.
- I might if you had slippers.
- Will you wear a collar? - No.
- It'll be pink.
- You're sick.
Watch how you talk to me.
Remember what happened to Skippy.
God, this is good.
- Okay, correct me if I'm wrong.
- Salt, please.
Twenty minutes ago, we were sitting at the dinner table, weren't we? Yes, we were.
There were candles and flowers and plates and knives and cloth napkins.
I loved the little sombrero napkin holders.
Very ole.
And the whole time we were at said dinner table you ate two, maybe three bites of this amazing dinner I made for you.
Pass the bread.
Yet, as soon as that dinner is over and I start cleaning up suddenly, that's when you're starving.
What can I say? Watching someone work makes me hungry.
If I hadn't stopped watching This Old House, I'd be 500 pounds now.
What are you doing? - Passing these to you.
- In the dish, please.
Where did you learn to make osso buco, anyway? From this very old Italian woman who used to live upstairs.
She had lost her husband a couple of years before, and she looked at me like a son.
- Sweet.
- She was.
- So an old girlfriend? - Yeah.
- So, would you like some coffee? - Yes, please.
- Did you read Rory's paper yet? - Not yet.
- It's really good.
- I'm sure it is.
- Look, it's right on top.
- Isn't that a coincidence? There are some really big words in here.
I hope you have a dictionary with you when you read it.
I will.
I could just save you the time, and put an 'A' on it for you.
That wouldn't be fair to the other students whose mothers aren't here, would it? Yes, you're right.
Although, life isn't fair, and the sooner those kids learn that, the better.
I'll take that advice into account.
These are beautiful.
I never read Proust.
I always wanted to.
Every now and then I'm seized with an overwhelming urge to say something like: 'As Marcel Proust would say ' But I have no idea what he would say.
So I don't even go there.
I could do, 'As Michael Crichton would say ' - but it's not exactly the same.
- Take it.
- Oh, no! It looks so valuable.
- It's a book.
It's meant to be read.
- You sure? - Take it.
Read it.
Okay, I will.
- Not now.
- What? I'd rather you didn't read it right now.
But what about my required reading? But I won't make the cheerleading squad.
Mr.
Medina, is this my extra-credit work, because Missy just had to take a test.
Where do you think you're going? Hi.
It's 1:00 in the morning.
I know, but my watch stopped during a terrible car wreck and I had to save kittens and small children and four baby chicks.
- Did you have a nice time? - Not bad.
That's a very big smile for a not bad night.
- Yeah, well.
He loaned me a book.
- What book? - Swann's Way.
- Aren't we ambitious? Yes, we are.
You know what it means when a man loans you a book? - That he's already read it? - Yeah.
- How was your night? - Homework.
- How many times did Dean call? - Not that many.
- How many? - Three.
- Five.
- Not an all-time high, but very respectable.
- I'm going to bed.
Are you staying here? - Yeah, I'm comfortable.
I've got the pillows in a perfect mushed position.
Night, Mom.
- You just go think about what you've done.
- I will.
- What? - You look happy.
- I am, kid.
- Just checking.
'There's a certain slant of light 'Winter afternoons 'That oppresses, like the heft 'Of cathedral tunes' That, my friends, is the first verse of a poem by Emily Dickinson.
Read some of those tonight, and as you do, consider the fact that Emily Dickinson writes convincingly about passion and about the world in spite of the fact that she lived as a virtual recluse.
It'll help you appreciate her mind.
I could listen to him talk about passion all day.
- Do you think he's dating anyone? - Of course he is.
- A teacher? - Please.
- Why not? - Have you seen teachers? - He's a teacher.
- Male teachers are different.
- They can still be mysterious.
- I bet his girlfriend's pretty.
- I bet she's dumb.
- Why? Dumb girls crave smart men.
It's the whole Marilyn Monroe-Arthur Miller syndrome.
I still think she's lucky.
Whoever he's dating is a loser who doesn't care he's a teacher in this ridiculous school making a ridiculous teacher's salary.
What are you looking at? Guess someone read the paper today.
I know.
Paris'parents' divorce is getting very ugly.
Her dad should've paid her mom more and this thing would've been over.
That's what my dad did.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Is it true Paris' mom had the entire back of her body surgically reconstructed? It doesn't match the front now, does it? - How's the squab? - It's good.
It's the best tiny, weird bird I've ever eaten.
I'm glad.
- Why are you smiling like that? - What? - You're smiling.
- I'm happy.
- That's not your'I'm happy' smile.
- What smile is it, Lorelai? That's your 'I've got something on Lorelai' smile.
- Rory, your mother must be very tired.
- She works a lot.
I grew up with that smile.
I know that smile.
- Tell me about school.
- My French final went pretty well.
You can change the subject.
I know the smile.
- Whatever you say, dear.
- I've used it a few times myself.
Mom.
- Tell me about Parents' Day.
- What? Parents' Day.
Next Wednesday.
When parents are supposed to go to classes with their children.
The Chilton newsletter came out today.
- Yeah.
- Right.
- You didn't read yours? - Not yet.
But you knew that.
Hence the smile.
You're really being silly.
There is no evil plan afoot here.
I simply brought up a subject I thought we could talk about.
- Right.
- I'll try another subject.
The color blue is very pleasant, isn't it? Not everybody can wait outside the mailbox for the Chilton newsletter and instantly memorize the contents in three seconds.
I'd like to weigh in on the color subject.
You have your priorities.
Far be it for me to question them.
Just because I didn't read it doesn't mean I don't care about Rory.
- So are you going? - To what? To Parents' Day.
Can we talk about it next Friday when I've read the newsletter? It'll be more fun.
We could, except that Parents' Day is next Wednesday.
- Wednesday? - Yeah.
If you talked about it on Friday, you would've missed it.
- Wednesday? - It's okay, you don't have to be there.
- We could talk about how you missed it.
- I won't miss it.
Mom, it's not a big deal.
You're busy.
- You know what? I'll go.
- What? Why not? You have to work.
I, as you have insinuated, have no life.
Therefore, I will go sit with Rory at Parents' Day.
I'm not busy.
I'm going.
I will be there.
That's it.
End of story, okay? - Fine.
- Fine.
Did you read on Page 2 about the mother-daughter talent show? You okay? Mom, I have to go.
It's almost 8:00.
Wait.
Have you seen my orange suede hairclip thingy? - Top right-hand drawer.
- It's not there.
- Did you check in your purse? - Yes.
- Under your scarves? - Yes.
In your sock drawer? I love you.
- I'm gone.
- Bye.
- Wait! - What? - Blue disco sequin bag.
- No.
- Why? - Bad.
- Really? - Bye.
- Wait! - Mr.
Medina's gonna be here any minute! Just tell me one more thing.
Where's the silver dangly bracelet? - I'm wearing it.
- Why are you wearing it? - Because it's mine.
- Right.
Can I borrow your silver dangly bracelet? - I'll leave it on the table.
- Thank you.
- What was that? - The doorbell rang.
- Why did the doorbell ring? - Because someone's at the door.
It's 8:00.
Who shows up at 8:00 for an 8:00 date? I don't know.
Maybe a Chilton teacher? Everyone knows that 8:00 means 8:15 tops! Obviously, he was raised in a barn.
He's cute, but his punctuality knocks What do I do? I'm not supposed to be here.
Okay, so go.
Wait, you have to get the door.
- What? - Because I'm not ready.
I'm not supposed to get the door.
We agreed.
- I don't get the door when you have a date.
- I know I shouldn't be here.
First rule of the Gilmore Dating Handbook.
'Daughter shall be nowhere near house when said man materializes.
' It's a good rule.
It's been working.
He's standing there, it's cold and my slip is now completely stuck in my skirt zipper.
Just this once.
- Hi.
- Rory.
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
Can I get you something? We don't really have anything but if you wanted something and we had it, I'd get it for you.
I'm fine.
- We have water.
- That's okay.
It's not bad water, actually.
It's not a funny color or anything.
I'm good, really.
- We have bottled water.
- No, thanks.
- One bottle, actually.
- It's quite all right.
We really need to go to the store.
- Should we - Sit? Right.
Yeah, let's sit.
So, what are your plans tonight? - I'm going over to my friend Lane's house.
- Sounds good.
- And you guys are - Dinner, movies, the usual.
Right.
- This is a little uncomfortable.
- Yes, it is.
But the thing is, if things go well, the way I hope they're going we might be doing this again.
Sitting uncomfortably? Seeing each other outside of school.
That's okay.
I am fine with this whole you and my mom thing.
Good.
I'm glad.
I better go.
- It was good to talk to you.
- You, too, Mr.
Medina.
Why don't you call me Max? Just when we're out of school.
- I don't think I can do that.
- Why not? It just sounds wrong.
Disrespectful.
I mean, you're my teacher, Mr.
Medina, and if I start thinking of you as a Max even as a part-time Max, it just seems like it'll get too confusing.
How about this, then? We'll come up with non-Chilton names for each other.
When we're not in school, I'll call you Rebecca.
- Rebecca.
- And you'll call me? - Norman? - Norman? - I look like a Norman to you? - I'm sorry.
Psycho was on earlier, and it was just the first name that came to mind.
I'll think of something else.
- How about Alfred? - You know what? Norman's fine.
Are you sure? Positive.
I love it.
I might make a legal change.
Okay.
I better go.
- I hope you and Lane have a good time.
- Thanks.
- Would you give this to my mom for me? - Absolutely.
Thanks.
Norman? Have her home by 10:00.
I can't believe you won't just sell them to me.
And I can't believe you're being so small-minded.
My stuffed fried squash blossoms are extremely popular with customers.
Yes, I know.
People come from all over and demand them.
- That is exactly my point.
- 'What'll you have, sir?' 'Anything that comes with stuffed fried squash blossoms.
' That's what I hear day in day out.
Yes, great.
I know.
But all I'm asking you is to try stuffing something different this time.
- A zucchini tush? - Just a temporary name.
You want me to serve a genetically engineered vegetable named after a butt? This is an all-natural vegetable hybrid that is perfectly safe, completely delicious, and Yes, it looks a little odd, but you can put it on the map! - I want the blossoms.
- Fine.
You wanna think small, think small.
I'm done.
- Jackson invented a new vegetable again? - Yeah.
It's too bad Bowling League didn't work out for him.
Yeah.
- Look, I found them.
- Where? They were in the drawer with the roasting pans.
- Cool.
- Skates.
Rory and I have a skating date.
- I'm Nancy Kerrigan.
- And I'm Tonya Harding.
I'll do the whole shoelace-coming-untied nervous-breakdown-let-me-start-again act and everything.
When was the last time you put those things on? - You are constantly trying to ruin my fun.
- Do they even fit anymore? - Yes, they fit.
- They look rusted.
Can I just have some coffee, please? - Hand them over.
- Why? I'm gonna clean them and tighten the blades.
- Really? - Yes.
- Can you make them really shiny? - The skates, please.
- Maybe add a few pompoms? - Hand them over.
Thank you.
- You get really good service here.
- Yeah, I do.
- Gotta go.
- Anything wrong? - Too much yeast, too little bowl.
- Enough said.
I think I'm gonna go for it and wear the fur-trimmed skating skirt pride be damned.
What if we invite Max to go skating with us? - Max? - Yeah, I thought he'd wanna go.
When did you start calling him Max? The other night, he said I should call him something other than Mr.
Medina when we're outside school, which makes sense.
So I'm getting used to saying Max.
You don't see him that much outside school.
No, but I probably will, since you guys are obsessed with each other.
- I wouldn't say obsessed.
- No, it's okay.
Of all the guys to have hanging around, he seems like a good choice.
- I like him.
- That's good.
- So what do you think about the skating? - What? Mr.
Medina.
I'm sorry, Max.
- Do you think he'd wanna go? - I don't think he skates.
Maybe we could do something else together.
Yeah, good.
Something else is good.
I love something else.
Okay, the tea is ready.
- How are the feet? - I don't know.
- They stopped talking to me.
- What on earth were you thinking? - That I could still skate.
- It's not like riding a bike.
- Now you tell me.
- So, what are you up to tonight? I'm gonna do a little line dancing, then run 10 km and then just jump up and down really hard for an hour.
No Max? Taking the night off? - I don't see him every night.
- He seems like a great guy.
- He is.
- That didn't sound convincing.
No, he is.
He is a great guy for someone.
- For someone? - Yes.
- Someone else? - Yes.
Someone who's not you, although you're the person spending every hour with him? Right.
- How long have you been dating? - Why? - Two months you've been seeing him? - Point, Sookie.
- You're just right on schedule, that's all.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
About now is when you start doing your getaway dance.
Two months, right on the nose.
You're good.
- I do not do a dance.
- You're cha-cha-chaing right now.
I'm not cha-cha-chaing.
I'm being practical.
Rory is starting to get attached to Max, and that's not good.
- Rory's getting attached to Max? - Yes.
And since I've decided that Max is probably not the guy for me I think it's better that we break it off before she gets hurt.
- Practical.
- Yes.
- Can I say something here? - Of course you can.
- Cha-cha-cha.
- Stop that.
You will not stand there singing Ricky Martin songs to me.
This is not a pattern, okay? I'm not doing what I always do.
This is not the same.
Actually, you're right.
Usually you don't get so upset and defensive during the cha-cha talk.
You must really like this guy.
When did you become the relationship expert? You haven't been in a relationship in years.
- Zero to jackass in 3.
2 seconds.
- That's all right.
Your feet hurt.
No, it isn't.
It is never ever okay for me to talk to you like that.
I'm so sorry.
Please, honey.
I understand.
Really.
- It's not like I don't want a relationship.
- I know.
I didn't mean anything by it.
It's hard with my hours.
I'm always at the Inn, the market or the hospital.
Please, forgive me.
Do you wanna sing some more Ricky Martin to me? - No.
- You can.
I deserve it.
I heard Paris' dad has actually got a second family in Paris.
I enjoyed your paper on Dickinson.
- I had fun writing it.
- It showed.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
- Rory? - Yeah? No, that's it.
That's all I wanted to say.
- My name? - Yes.
- Okay.
- Actually I just wanted to see if your mom is coming to Parents' Day.
Because I'm just trying to get an accurate number of parents who are coming for the cookie count.
Forget it.
- She's coming.
- I hadn't heard from her in a while - She'll be here.
- Okay, good.
But you should put us down for four.
- Four what? - Four cookies.
Okay, good.
I will.
Bye.
Four slices, pepperoni pizza.
- From? - Tuesday.
- Last Tuesday? - Tuesday in the not-too-distant past.
Toss it.
You remember Paris Geller? Your very best friend in the whole world? - Her parents are getting a major divorce.
- Really? Her dad's this bigwig at a huge pharmaceutical company and they're printing all the sordid details about it in the paper.
- How sordid? - It's not the Rick James incident but Hugh Grant should be feeling pretty good about himself.
If she was anybody else, I might feel bad for her.
I kind of do feel bad for her.
That's because you're the nicest kid ever to walk the earth.
The whole school's talking about it.
The weird thing is that the whole dynamic has changed for me.
Really? How so? Madeline and Louise, Paris' best friends they said hello to me the other day.
Really? Like a normal hello, not like a 'Here's Johnny' kind of hello? Normal, friendly, no acts.
- You're the new Heather.
- I guess.
This is the pizza from mystery Tuesday.
That one's completely fine.
- Don't.
- It's in the box.
- Oscar.
- Felix.
- Forget it.
- Fine.
- So, how's Swann's Way coming? - Finished.
You're kidding.
It took me forever to read that.
I had to renew it 10 times.
The first sentence.
I finished the first sentence.
It's just I'm so swamped right now.
It's the wrong time to start reading the longest book known to man.
Maybe you could give it back to Max for me.
Bring it with you tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? - Parents' Day.
I know.
I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to make it.
- What do you mean? - I have that thing at the Inn and I thought I could get away, but now I can't.
- What thing? - The Inn thing.
- What Inn thing? - You know.
No, I don't.
The thing at the Inn with the flags and the little men and the peanuts.
Little men? Forget it.
It's not important.
I just don't think I can go.
Okay, fine.
So if you could give this book back to Max tomorrow that would be great.
Give it back the next time you see him.
I'm not sure when that will be, and he should have his book.
- You see him all the time.
- Could you just give it back to him? - Are you breaking up with him? - What are you talking about? He hasn't heard from you, and you're asking me to return the book.
How do you know that? He wanted to know if you were going to Parents' Day and then he mentioned you guys hadn't talked lately.
He shouldn't be asking you about me.
- Why are you breaking up with him? - Because it's not working out.
- But you seem so happy.
- It's not right, that's all.
That's why you're not going tomorrow? No, I'm not going because of the thing at the Inn.
That's crap and you know it.
There is no thing at the Inn.
You're avoiding Mr.
Medina, and you're trying to lie to me and you promised you would go.
Do whatever you want.
I don't care.
Just leave me out of it.
And give him the book back yourself.
Fine, I will.
- Not so fast.
- The bell's gonna ring.
Before you go one more step, tell me you still like me.
- You bug me.
- I'll take that as a yes.
I will deal with my issues with Max myself.
- Fine.
- Really.
I believe you.
So, where are we going? To my locker to drop off some of this stuff.
Great, let's do it.
- You can't just leave now.
- Paris, please.
- At least come to my Lit.
Class.
- This place is giving me a headache.
- Is your face breaking out? - No.
You have not been using that cleanser.
Dr.
Yanalari prescribed that cleanser for a reason: To cleanse.
Just Lit.
Class.
Paris, with everything I have going on right now the last thing I need to do is face people gossiping about me.
See you later at home.
Use that cover stick I got you.
I bet I'm looking pretty good to you right now.
Yes, you are.
What's first? Wait, don't tell me.
English Lit.
With Mr.
Max Medina.
- Okay, see, I told you not to tell me.
- Sorry.
- Mr.
Medina's class? - The fancy book owner himself.
How does First Annual Mother-Daughter Ditch Day sound? - Not happening.
- Yeah.
Let's go.
On Monday, we will start a two-week exercise in creative writing but that doesn't mean we stop reading.
One of the greatest inspirations for working writers is the writing of others that they admire.
Walt Whitman read Homer, Dante, Shakespeare and the novelist Edna O'Brien has been quoted as saying that every writer should read some Proust every day.
Now, at this point, normally I would impress the parents by pulling out a copy of Proust's Swann's Way and reading a particularly difficult passage, but, alas, you're all saved.
I've misplaced my copy.
That does it.
Parents, thank you for coming.
Students, papers on Whitman are due tomorrow and those of you who are just starting tonight I'll be able to tell.
You go on ahead, okay? I'm gonna talk to Max for a second.
- Please be nice.
- I will.
- It's nice to see you.
- Yeah.
- I've been really busy.
- Sure, I assumed.
I wanted to give this back to you.
- Keep it.
- I really liked it.
I liked the first 20 pages, and then I got busy and I can see you really need it, so What's going on, Lorelai? Nothing, I just don't think a book whose first sentence is 20 pages long is for me.
- I left four messages.
- I know.
I've been meaning to call.
- What's been keeping you? - I don't know.
Things.
Sorry.
- Sorry? - That I didn't call.
Here.
Why do you keep trying to give me the book? Because it's yours.
Is there something going on here that I don't know about? Yeah, I hate Proust.
Rory's out there waiting for me so Wait a minute.
Oh, my God.
I cannot believe what an idiot I am.
- What? - You're breaking up with me, aren't you? I don't know.
Not only are you breaking up with me, you're doing it badly.
- Am I being graded? - I'm a little disappointed.
I would've expected a better dumping from you.
Nobody's dumping anybody.
- Really? Then what is this? - I just need space.
I don't.
In fact, I want as little space as possible.
A hundred clowns crammed into a Volkswagen.
That's the kind of non-space I'm talking about.
It's not working.
It was working pretty good the other night.
It is what I've been trying to tell you all along.
This is a family, Rory and I.
But you weren't listening and now she's getting attached, and I'm afraid she's gonna get hurt.
Your solution to all of this is not to return my calls? It just took me a while to figure things out and it all came clear when I realized how much we could hurt Rory.
Don't you mean 'How much we could hurt Lorelai'? I can take care of myself.
I don't understand this.
I thought we went through this.
We decided that Rory could handle it.
Maybe she can and maybe she can't, but I'm not ready to find out.
I won't let you off that easily.
There's nothing you can do about it.
- There has to be.
- There isn't.
- There is.
- No, there isn't.
- Yes, there is.
- What are we, in high school? I know we are in high school.
This is so not you.
- You don't know everything about me.
- I guess not.
Because I would've thought that blaming this on Rory and giving me these lame apologies was weak, pathetic, and beneath you.
Just take your damn book.
- You've missed me.
- Stop it.
I know you did.
You're missing me right now, aren't you? - Answer me.
- Class is over.
We're back in session.
I didn't raise my hand, so don't call on me! I came here to give you this book back.
Please take it.
I swear to God, if you try to give me that book one more time What's going on? Everyone's just talking about the mom Mr.
Medina was seen kissing just now.
What? And the weird thing is she looks a lot like your mom.
What are you talking about? Your mom, Mr.
Medina, mouths open.
I saw them.
How's the coleslaw? Good? Did you save me some Jell-O? What? Where are you going? Were you kissing him? What? Mr.
Medina, just now.
Were you kissing him? Yes.
- What the hell is wrong with you? - I don't know.
- You said you were breaking up with him.
- I was.
I told you to be nice, but this was extreme, don't you think? It wasn't supposed to happen.
Paris saw you.
It's all over the school! Oh, God.
I'm so sorry, I really am.
See, this is exactly why I didn't wanna date him.
So you wouldn't come to my school and kiss him and humiliate me? - Yes, that's exactly it.
- Why would you do this? Because I'm human.
Because I screwed up.
I'm sorry.
If you like him so much, why are you breaking up with him? I broke the rules when I brought him into our lives and I realize now that that was a very bad idea.
But why? Because we are standing in this stairwell yelling at each other, that's why.
Because it's affecting you.
It's seeping into your life.
That is the whole reason I made the rules in the first place.
To protect you.
Maybe it was good that you hid your personal life when I was a kid but I'm not a kid anymore.
No, you're right.
You're a 40-year-old divorcee.
My mistake.
- I can't believe you're blaming this on me! - I'm not blaming you! You made up these stupid rules about the way the Gilmore women would run their lives.
Now you're following them even though they're crazy.
My crazy, stupid rules are the reason we are doing so good in our lives! They're the reason you grew up the way you did the reason you're in this school and the reason you're going to go to Harvard.
- So don't you dismiss my rules! - Fine.
Great.
Maybe it's time for the rules to change.
That is for me to figure out, not you! Great.
Fine.
Could you figure it out before French class? I'd rather you didn't start making out with Mrs.
Collins.
No promises until I see what she looks like.
Let's refrain from fighting in front of the grandma.
Fine with me.
The last thing I need tonight is a confrontation with my mother.
Hi, Mom.
Boy, the roads were a mess out there tonight.
- Rory, go upstairs please.
- Is everything okay? I have to talk to your mother.
Please go upstairs.
Now, Rory.
Lorelai, come here.
Did I do something wrong? I try to understand you.
I truly do.
But sometimes your behavior baffles me beyond belief.
- Which behavior is this? - Do you have no shame? Is that a rhetorical question? Rory goes to school in that place.
She has a reputation to protect.
- You're her mother.
- How did you You're supposed to shield her from shame, not cause it.
How, Mom? Kissing a teacher, in a classroom, on Parents' Day? They wanted us to get more involved with the school.
Are you insane? No, but you are if you think I am discussing this with you.
- When I heard I almost fainted.
- How did you hear? I have friends.
Headmaster Charleston's wife for one.
That's great.
The entire school is talking about it.
And what do I say? How do I defend this? - It was a mistake.
- A mistake? Is that what you call it? I tried to call it Al, but it would only answer to mistake.
A mistake is when you throw out your credit card bill.
A mistake is when you forget to RSVP to a dinner party.
A mistake is when the gardeners miss trash day and the barrels are full for a week.
This, my girl, was not a mistake.
- Do you even know this man? - No, this is the first time I'd seen him there was just something about the way he held the chalk This is not the time for your jokes.
Yes, I knew him.
I've been dating him.
Why on earth would you date Rory's teacher? - That is none of your business.
- It most certainly is.
How do you figure that? When it affects my granddaughter it is my business.
I don't wanna talk about this with you.
I just wanna know what you were thinking.
What was the reasoning? How on earth did you justify it to yourself? Max is a great guy.
An amazing guy.
He's smart.
He's sweet.
He cooks.
So you decided to kiss him in your daughter's school.
No, I decided to break up with him in my daughter's school and the kissing part just happened.
You always let your emotions get in the way.
That's the problem with you, Lorelai.
You don't think.
Mom, please.
- He's just a man, Lorelai.
- No, he's not.
Are you telling me this was all worth it because he was the love of your life? That this was the man for you? I don't know.
He might have been.
Excuse me.
I told you he wouldn't date a teacher.
I wish my mom would sleep with my teacher.
It would make midterms a lot easier.
Madeline, Louise, excuse us for a minute.
- Catfight.
- Go! You're not going to kiss me, are you? - What is wrong with you? - Nothing, I'm great.
You've spent the past two weeks with your family's private problems printed in the newspaper for everyone to read and talk about.
I saw how you walked around here.
I saw how much you hated it and then you pull something like this? Doesn't that seem crazy to you? Do you have any idea how many people you've hurt? Forget me and my mom.
What about Mr.
Medina? He likes you.
He encourages you.
He holds up your papers and tells the class how great you are.
And then you turn around and spread stories about him.
Whatever.
Forget it.
You have no idea what I'm talking about.
I do like Mr.
Medina.
I'd take some dance classes because the way you express yourself needs a little work.
I probably shouldn't have told people what I saw.
- No, you shouldn't have.
- I'm sorry.
Things have been not good lately.
I know.
I just didn't want them talking about me anymore, that's all.
- It worked.
- Yeah.
- Lf you ever wanna talk - We are not friends.
That I know.
But if you ever do want to talk about I will, if I want to.
- Okay.
- But I probably won't.
- That's fine.
- But if I do - I'm around.
- Okay.
I'm going now.
- Bye.
- Bye.
I doubt I will.
I'm not holding my breath.
There.
Squash blossoms.
All large enough for you to stuff and fry up and serve to the desensitized masses who just want what they know.
Hurrah! Mediocrity wins again.
I'm not even gonna charge you for these.
I am not gonna profit off the death of creativity.
I would rather starve myself than know that my food was paid for by the lowered expectations of the American public.
- Jackson.
- What? Would you like to go to dinner sometime with me? Okay.
Thanks.
Mister, wanna buy a really nice copy of Proust? - How you doing? - Well, you know.
- You? - I'm you-knowing also.
That Parents' Day is fun.
It was a big hit this year.
Look, the other day, we were going skating and Rory said: 'Why don't we invite Max to come along with us?' - That was a little weird for me.
- Me, too.
I don't skate.
She's never really referred to anyone I've dated by their first name before.
I've always kept her out of that part of my life so it was like 'the mustache guy' 'the earring guy,' 'the peg leg guy.
' So you have a thing for pirates.
She never called anyone by their name before.
She likes you.
She likes us.
So my mind instantly went to, 'What if we break up? She'll be crushed.
' And then my next thought was, 'Oh, my God.
What if we break up? 'I'll be crushed.
' Then, as you know, all hell broke loose.
I understand.
I freaked out.
I'm so sorry.
I never meant to treat you like that.
I'm not very good at this.
Ask Skippy.
- Skippy? - I'm so sorry.
I was called into Headmaster Charleston's office today.
Let me guess.
He put his arm around you and said: 'I don't understand why you kids can't work this out.
' He said I was jeopardizing my career and future at Chilton.
At first I was incensed, outraged.
'How dare he?' And then I realized that he was right.
What happened the other day was completely unprofessional.
I never in my life would have considered pulling off something like this.
He should've fired me.
- But he didn't.
- Not yet.
The word 'probation' was tossed around quite a bit, though.
- I'm sorry.
- I was the one who started the kiss.
I'm the one who knocked it up to NC-17.
I honestly did not think this was going to be so complicated.
I know.
You told me it would be.
I didn't listen.
I didn't want to.
It's not your fault.
If I hadn't acted like a two-year-old and tried to run away and pretend that you weren't what you are to me then we wouldn't have fought, or kissed and I wouldn't have humiliated my daughter and the whole thing would have been fine.
I do not know what to do here.
I've never been in a relationship like this before.
- I'm not thinking straight.
- I know.
Me either.
- That was a great kiss.
- Beyond great.
Maybe we need to take a little time away from each other.
Okay.
Just to figure out how to do this so it's not so hard.
Sure, that makes sense.
I don't have any other answers right now.
No, you're absolutely right.
I really, really like you, Max Medina.
I really, really like you, Lorelai Gilmore.
So long as we have that straightened out.
Goodbye, Lorelai.
Bye.
Mom, I'm home!