Gravity Falls (2012) s01e11 Episode Script

"Zombie attack"? Never works.
They don't take orders.
"Blood rain"? Ew.
Mess up my suit.
Ha.
No, thank you.
"Demon caterpillars"? Snap! There must be a perfect way to exact vengeance on the Pines family.
It's not enough to harm 'em.
I need to take somethin' from 'em, Somethin' that will give me ultimate power.
Wait, of course! It's perfect.
You've gone too far this time, Ducktective.
Welcome to a world of mystery-- Stan Pines? The tax collector! You found me! Uhh! Which one of these is the trap door? Mr.
Pines I'm from the winninghouse coupon savers contest, And you are our big winner! Heh? My one and only dream, Which was to possess money, has come true! We're rich! I'm gonna get a butler! I'm gonna buy a talking horse! Just sign here for the money.
You bet! Uhh! Ha! Stanford, you fool! You just signed over the mystery shack to widdle ol' me! Achacha cha cha liddle ol' me.
Ah, might wanna take another look there.
"The shack is hereby signed over to Suck a lemon, little man.
" Ahhh ha-ha-ha! Uhh! How dare you! I am not a threat to be taken lightly! Unh unh! Come here, hon, I need your arms.
I'll get you, Stanford Pines.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, all right.
Should be fun.
My favorite part's the theme song.
Little guy to black space nine.
It's a "Pawn," That's not your color, And stop stealing the tiny horses.
They like it better in here.
Don't you, babies? And Checkmate! What? Boo! Ohh! Dipper wins again! Yo, Mabel, can you pass me that brain in the jar? The lady one.
I got it.
Thanks, but Mabel's taller.
What? No, she's not.
We're the same height.
We've always been.
Better check again, dude.
Yup.
She's got exactly one millimeter on you.
What?! Whoa Don't you see what's happening, Dipper? This millimeter is just the beginning.
I'm evolving into the superior sibling.
Bigger Stronger Like some kind of alpha twin.
Alpha twin! Alpha twin! C'mon, guys, nobody even uses millimeters.
It only makes you taller than me in Canada.
You know, Dipper, I've always wanted a little brother.
Who knew I already had one! Hahaha! Yeah! I was awoken by the sound of mockery.
Where is it? Show me the object of ridicule! I'm taller than Dipper.
By one millimeter! Hey, hey.
Don't getShort with your sister.
Hahahahah! Now, Grunkle Stan I hope you don't thinkLittle of him! Haha! Yeah! And, and, uh He's short! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Dudes, maybe you should lay off a tiny bit.
Hah! "Tiny!" Soos is in on it now! Ahahahahahhaha! Ahahahahahhaha! No, I didn't mean that.
Dipper will forget.
He's got a--3-2-1 Short-term memory! Hahah! Hahah! Pow! We are on fire! OwOoh That'sAww I high-five hard.
Ugh Stupid Mabel.
I'm not short! Unh.
Unh.
Oh, come on! Unh.
Unh.
There's gotta be some way to get taller.
Let's see "Legends of miniature buffalo and giant squirrels "Have led me to believe "There are height-altering properties hidden deep within the forest.
" Hmm Unh! Whoa! Ohh ow ow oh ow ow.
Ugh.
Ohh.
Whoa.
Huh? huh! Is that mountain lion tiny or just far away in perspective? Perspective! Perspective! Aah! Oof! Hahaha! It still hurts, but less! Whoa.
What the heck.
Unh.
Smaller.
Bigger.
Too big! I've been buying big clothes.
I'll grow into them.
Hey, guys.
Notice anything different about me? Holy hot sauce! You've grown an extra millimeter! Wha-wha-whhaaat? What can I say, sis? Growth spurt.
Eh, mine happened first.
I'm gonna be taller in the end.
It's science, Dipper.
What? But we're the same height now.
Alpha twin! Alpha twin! Oh, yeah? Something tells me I've got another growth spurt coming on right now.
Give it up, Dipper.
What happened!? You know Puberty and stuff.
It doesn't make any sense! Just a second ago you were-- wait a minute.
This is some kind of magicky thing, isn't it? Was it a wizard or something? There's a wizard in this closet, Isn't there? Isn't there? What? No! You're telling me there is not a wizard in this closet? You're telling me that if I open this door right now-- Fine! Open it! An invisible wizard! Really, Dipper? Oy.
You.
Howdy, Stanford! Listen closely.
Inside this jar, I have 1,000 cursed Egyptian super termites.
Hand over the deed to your property Or I'll smash this jar with a bat And they'll devour the shack with you inside.
Hey, what's that? Huh? oh, no! Aaahh! Get it off! Ha ha ha! Hey, soos, get in here! I wanna take pictures of this! You may have won the battle, But mark my words, Stanford, Your family has a weak spot, and I'm gonna to find it.
Aaughh! My hair! Does he only respond to incantations? Expecto wizarium! Wizzle Wizar It's not a wizard! I grew myself using this magic flashlight! Let me see that thing! Auugh! I'll be back for you later! Ahhh! Oof! Whoa! Huh? Huh? Uhh.
Huh? Aah! It's okay.
It can shrink things, too.
Normal-hand-karate-chop! Hey! Aaaaagh! Wha?! Ohhh! Hey, give it back! Whoa! Never! Curse the pines family! Curse stan! Curse dipper! Curse.
My, my, What delightful manner of doohickery is this? Maybe he didn't see us use it And doesn't know it's a magic flashlight That can grow and shrink things.
Really? Click.
Boop.
Hoo hoo.
No, no, no, no!!! Aah! Aah! Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee.
Friends, I wish I was a highway so I could have the honor of being rode upon by automobiles as fine as these ones right ch'er.
Engine possum at no extra charge.
I want that thar car! Yeah, me, too! Say there, son, what's in the jar? That's my widdle secret! Ahh! Mouth-breathing fools.
Mother.
You two.
What-- what are you going to do with us? Why, Mabel, I wouldn't hurt a hair on your itty bitty head.
If you agree to be my queen! We live in a democracy.
And never! Maybe you'll change your mind after this.
No! I will fight you until the day I gummy koalas! As for you, boy Tell me, How exactly did you come upon this magic item, hmm? Did somebody tell you about it? Did you read about it somewhere? Lean closer and I'll tell you.
well, don't mind if I-- aah! Grrr! I could squash you right now!! Steel yourself, Gideon.
You can use them.
You can use them.
Soos, this maze of mirrors is your best idea that I'm taking credit for yet! We're gonna make a fortune! My ears always been this big? I'm comin'! One day Stanford Pines.
Listen to me very closely, I have your niece and nephew.
Hand over the deed to the mystery shack right now Or great harm will befall them.
This is Gideon, by the way.
Oh, yeah.
This has gotta be your worst plot yet.
They're fine.
I saw them playing in the yard minutes ago.
I have them in my possession.
You don't believe me?! I will text you a photo.
"Text" me a "photo"? Now you're not even speaking English.
But-- Hello? Hello?! Gahhhh! Aah.
What am I doing? I don't need ransom.
I have this! I'll shrink Stan and take the shack for myself! You'll all be helpless to stop me.
And if any of you step out of line Smash! Gideon! The ice cream truck is here! Oh! Coming! Hehehe! Guard them, cheekums.
I'm coming! We got to get out of here and save Stan.
I know! I will see you later.
Ok, how are we going to do this? Gideon's got magic and like a zillion inches on us.
On the bright side, at least we're finally the same height again.
Actually You're still taller?! Argh! How did this happen? I guess it's another mystery.
Just another reason we gotta get that flashlight back.
Cheekums, to freedom! To freedom! Ohh! You're just a big ol' dummy-dum! I have a plan.
Clean me! Father, could you give widdle ol' me a "wide" to the mystery shack? Ohhh, I'd love to, sugar pie, But I have a heck of a lot of cars to sell, I do.
No, no! Don't tickle me! No! Never! Never tickle me! What have I told you? What have I-- look at me.
What have I told you? Tickling is no laughing matter.
There we go.
Do you still need a ride? I'll just take the bus! Raah! Hyah! Precious memories.
Just keep vacuuming Just keep vacuuming.
C'mon! Uhh.
We need to get higher.
Yeah, especially you 'cause you're short.
Mabel! Up there.
Uhh.
Unh.
What cute little thing are you off to, You cute little cutey-face? I'm going to annihilate my archenemy's entire family! Ohh! Okay! Yaayyy.
He's heading to shrink Stan! Oh, flying discount dollar, If only you could fly us back to the mystery shack.
Maybe it can.
Oh! Oh! My sky-high prices! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Down there! Uhh.
Uhh.
Yay! Whoo! To the mystery shack! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Yeah! We're just in time.
But how are we going to stop him? Aah! Shoo! Aah! Aah! Ow, ow.
Leave that to Mabel! I'm comin' for ya, Stanford-- ohh! I'm sorry, gummy friend! It's for the greater good.
Ow! One of those infernal gummy koalas Has gotten into my perfect hair! Ew! Aw! I can't defeat Stan looking like this! Unh.
Whoo! Ha.
Whoo-ee! Quick.
Get in front and I'll re-grow you.
Okay-- wait.
You're gonna grow us back to the equal height, right? Dipper, that doesn't matter right now! Well, if it doesn't matter, then why don't you just do it? Aah! Why are you acting so weird? Why can't you just accept that I'm a little bit taller than you? Oh, I'm acting weird?! You're the one who keeps calling me names and stuff! Oh, what? You mean like little-- Don't say it! Little Dipper.
aah! I daresay you would have defeated me, If it wasn't for your sibling bickering! Aah! The shack is mine, stanford pines! No! Well, well, Stanford, It appears I've finally gotten the best of-- - Huh? - What? All right, something's definitely different here.
Uhh! Ohh! Whoa! Whoa! Tell me where Stan is! Never! You'll never find Stan.
On the second door to the left down the hall.
Uh, wait, why did I say that? Stanford, I'm coming for ya! Pffft! I guess I kinda Soosed that one up, didn't I? It's not your fault, soos.
I'm the guy who put together that shrinking device.
I guess it's just You kept teasing me, Mabel.
Like, all day.
What was that all about? I guess it's that You're better than me at like everything.
And you always rub it in my face.
Chess, checkers, ping pong.
I guess I finally felt like I was winning at something for once.
Aw, man, now I feel like a big jerk.
Don't you mean A little jerk? Ohh! All right, I walked into that one.
Are we cool? We're cool.
Am I cool? You're cool, soos.
Yes! Stanford! Oh, hi, Gideon! I've been looking for someone to try out my new mirror maze.
Then again, you're an idiot.
That's the end of the sentence.
You come back here! Try and find me, twerp.
Ha ha ha! Unh! Let's get that flashlight before Gideon gets Stan.
There it is! Whoa, his hair's so shiny.
No! Don't look directly at it! This neck is really squishy.
Hey, look! I'm making fat angels! Ew! Termites! Tell my story! Ohh.
Hey, there you are! Thought you could get away from me, eh, corn chip? Ehhhh! Oh! Oh! Aah! Uhh! Ah ha ha ha! No! Hey, watch the merchandise! You little troll! These mirrors cost me ten-- I mean, uh, twenty-- five-- five hundred-- Five hundred dollars each.
And you're paying for all of 'em! Au contraire, It'll be you who pays.
Grunkle Stan is doomed! Not completely doomed! To his armpit! Uh-uh.
JustUnh, c'mon! Whoa, what is that thing? Finally, after all these years, after every humiliation! Your business, your family, everything will finally be mine! You have no one to protect you now! Prepare for the wrath of Gideon glee Gideon glee.
.
Uh, I don't even know how to respond to this.
Hee hee, no! stop it! Look, uh, kid.
I think this rivalry thing is getting to you.
Ha.
I understand.
I mean, I'm a formidable foe, what can I say.
No--ah hahahahah! Hey, now.
Come on.
You'll get me one of these days.
Maybe, you know, run your evil plan by some friends next time, huh? Workshop it.
But first get your issues in order there.
GetUp, up.
Over the carpet, there we go.
Uhh.
Around the end table, And, uh, out the door.
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! My light You're the light of my life, too, pal.
Whoo! Freak show.
After you.
It's okay.
You can go first if you want-- whoa! Hey! You let me keep my extra millimeter.
You earned it.
Ah, thanks, "Little brother"-- Stop it.
I guess we should destroy this thing.
You know, so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands and junk.
Seems like the smart thing to do.
Unh! Die, die! There you dudes are! I been tryin' to get your attention! Glue.
Lots of glue.
Oh, son, don't you mind that Stanford Pines.
You'll get your revenge one of these days.
No! It's not just about revenge! I want that shack.
The physical building.
But why? Because it holds a secret you couldn't possibly imagine.
Uh, sweetie, you want some ice cream? Did you pick out all the nuts? Mm-hmm.
Ah! Lil' more? That's good.
Mr.
Pines, I'm from the winninghouse coupon savers contest And you are our big winner! I guess we'll have to give the prize to our runner-up winner Fiddleford H.
McGucket? How would you like ten million dollars? It's my dream come true! Hahaha! Cross this town off our list.