Harvey Beaks (2015) s01e11 Episode Script

1 Harvey Harvey Harvey All right.
You guys ready to jump? Um, actually, you know what would make me feel more comfortable? If I sit like this.
Then I could just, like, fall forward, okay? However you want to do it, dude.
Ready, set, go! Whee! Eww, gross.
How did I let you guys talk me into this? Hey, you kids get out of there! That's my good garbage.
Hey, Fee, you got something in your hair.
Oh, really? - Uh-oh.
- This looks like a job for the doctors.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Okay, Doctor.
I'm gonna try some radical new treatments.
- Treatments? - Peanut butter.
Jelly.
Toothpaste.
Mayonnaise.
Hmm.
I'm afraid it's not responding.
Dr.
Foo, it looks like we're gonna have to operate.
- What? - Very well.
Thingy.
Cutty thingy.
Okay, don't move.
- Hmm.
- Ooh, I wanna see.
Hey, kids, I brought you some snacks.
Oh, honey, no.
Don't worry, Fee.
Tara will take great care of you.
I really appreciate you - squeezing us in, Tara, it's - Okay, I don't have time for compliments.
Look, here's a tabloid.
You can wait over there.
- You ready, kid? - You're not gonna kill me, are you? Honey, you're gonna be reborn.
So what do you think? What are you looking at, kid? Fee, come on.
You know how mirrors work.
Holy crud.
That's me! This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Thanks, Mrs.
Beaks.
Thanks, Mrs.
Meatball.
- I gotta show everybody.
- It's Tara.
I'm not a meatball.
My name's on the front with a big picture of me.
Ah, whatever.
Princess, I just wanted to say that you're a fantastic figure model.
Don't you think I already know that? Jeez! Whoa, guys, look.
I think it's Fee.
Hey, doofuses.
- Did you get touched by an angel? - Nooo! No one's allowed to get touched by angels but me! - It's so soft and smooth.
- You like that, huh? I want to marry your hair.
All right, all right, everyone stop touching.
Hey, Fee.
Your hair looks really cool.
Yeah, I like it.
It's like a big, shiny pillow.
- Yeah.
- Ah, I want to wrestle with it.
All right, dudes.
We got stuff to do.
Let's go find some mud hills to slide down.
I want to get it all over my face.
Make room for me! Good thing for you, my 3:00 canceled.
This'll just take a second.
Cody, Brandon, Holly! You put that curling iron down right now! Don't make me say it again.
Sweet.
I got awesome hair again.
Uh-huh.
Now maybe this time you can be a little more careful with your head.
Oh, yeah, I will definitely be more careful.
For sure.
Ooh.
Ahh.
Oh, boy.
All right, sweetie.
I need you to listen to me closely.
This is absolutely the shortest I can go.
If you mess up your hair again, I mean one more time, - I won't be able to fix it.
- Holy guacamole.
Seriously? Kid, I gave birth to 500 babies.
You think I have time for jokes? No more amazing hair? Hey, catch! - Hey, catch.
- Ha! You're bad at throwing.
And you're bad at catching.
Dude, what the heck? You almost hit my hair.
- Yep.
- Foo, stop! I can't let anything happen to my hair again.
That means no more playing with water or mud or knives.
Okay, uh, well, what are we supposed to do for fun? Well, we're just gonna have to find less fun things to do.
- Harvey? - I know plenty of activities! - Does anyone have a 3? - Hmm.
Yep.
Whoa! Careful, man.
Don't slap your card so hard.
- The breeze might mess up my hair.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Also, I'm worried you guys might cough and make my hair sick.
I need you to move back a little.
A little more.
More.
A little more.
Ugh! I don't care how cool your hair looks.
I don't like it anymore.
- Yeesh.
What's his problem? - Well, Fee, I think your haircut's starting to make things difficult.
You're acting different.
This hair is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Now when people see me, they tell me I look great.
You just don't understand 'cause your hair is, - well, boring.
- I think my hair's cool.
- I gotta go.
- Don't you listen to her, buddy.
Come on.
Let's go find Foo.
Gotta do something about this.
All right.
Operation "Fix-Fee" is a go.
Now, remember, make sure to use your code name, - so we don't get caught.
- Right.
So you ready to do this, Harvey? Ready as I'll ever be Foo.
Ah, my hair is great.
I don't care about anything else.
I'm really sorry, Fee, but this has to be done.
Wha-wha-what happened to me? What happened to my beautiful hair? I don't know who did this, but I'm going to have amazing hair, one way or another.
Eh, get a move on, Sean John.
Is your stomach a giant cheese wheel of Camembert? Whew.
Ah, move your behind.
Eh, what are you doing? No, no! Ahh! Do you like this bust I made of you, Harvey? "Why, yes, I especially enjoy the articulating mouth that doubles as a gumball dispenser.
" I know you're gonna love this, Harvey.
What? No, no, stop! Please! Hey, a quarter.
Huh? You know, it's a really good thing we did, - cutting Fee's hair.
- I'm proud of us.
- I need that hair! - Holy guacamole.
Oh, Fee.
What did you do? Just one more, and I'll have awesome hair again.
There she is! My mom is gonna be so mad when she sees me.
Yeah, I mean, I'm just I'm just not happy here.
You wretched girl! What gives you the right? You can't have my hair.
And you can't take on all of us.
You'll never stop me from looking amazing.
Give me my hair back! Fee, please.
They're starting to turn ugly.
I can't.
I need it.
Don't make me cut you! Fee, give it back.
Look, you can have my hair.
And I'll just cut it all off, and you can have it.
And we can have fun again.
- You'd do that? For me? - Of course.
I'll shave Harvey too, if it helps.
- Wait, what? - Whatever you need.
I just want my sister back.
What am I doing? This doesn't even look good.
This isn't me.
It's just a bunch of gross kids' hair stuck together.
Oh, my gosh.
- Weird.
- Fee, you look amazing! - You're glowing.
- Yeah, 'cause you're so bald.
Please accept this with my apologies.
Welcome back, hair.
- Fee, you're back! - Guess I went a little crazy there.
I can't believe I cared so much about how my hair looked.
Whoa, that's weird.
It's like Foo is hugging himself.
I can't even tell you two apart no more.
Come on, Fee.
I got an idea.
Look, I'm a hair stylist, not a wizard.
Enjoy your hairdo.
- Well? - It's pink.
- Totally.
- Sweet.
Then it's time to go roll in some mud again.
I don't like it.
Do it again! By Jackie Slitherstein.
Dirk was hot on the trail.
He knew the shadow was somewhere in the building.
Look, a clue! Yelled Dirk's sidekick, Trevor Zamboni.
A calculator.
Now it's all adding up.
Now I found a clue.
Said Dirk's other sidekick, Monocle Marla.
A math book.
This guy's days are numbered.
They rushed up the stairs and found an acid factory.
Aha, the final piece of the puzzle, a ruler.
This should lead us straight to the shadow.
Oh, no.
It's a trap! I know that laugh.
Mr.
Porkins! My math teacher.
- You're the secret shadow! - That's right, Dirk.
You may have figured out my identity, but you'll never catch me 'cause you don't know where my house is.
Looks like I'm still on the case.
It's like Jackie Slitherstein writes these books just for me.
Da na na na na nana nana nah nah Da nan na na na na nah, Detective Dirk You guys, I just finished reading Detective Dirk volume 2, and I can't stop thinking or talking about it.
Oh, boy.
Here it come.
So in the midst of despair, Dirk was all, "It makes sense!" He has this awesome magnifying glass and He, like, magnifies clues.
But the mysterious shadow was, like, the schoolteacher - Shut up! Ahh! Shut up! - Or what if it's the mayor? Because Dirk inherited his skills from his great-great- grandfather, who was, like - Yeah? Yeah? - A super detective.
Oh, my goodness! That book sounds so interesting.
It really is.
You should read it.
Here.
It's, like it changed my life.
- Oh, wow.
- And also, you should know that the next book in the series comes out tomorrow.
My mom's having a book release party at the library and everything.
I better get started then! - Thanks again, Harvey.
- No problemo.
Doop doop dooby dooby dooby "'I'm on the case,' cried Detective Dirk.
And then he began dusting for" fuh fuh - What's that word? - You guys are reading it? Yeah.
Piri Piri just came by and gave us a copy.
She made it seem kind of cool, actually.
- Oh, really? - Yep.
She got everyone reading it.
Look.
Were you totally surprised that the janitor was Dirk's father? Kratz! Spoilers! The love between Trevor Zamboni and Monocle Marla is just so pure.
Girl, you are delusional if you think that Monocle Marla's gonna get together with Trevor and not Dirk.
- Whoa.
- Harvey! Oh, Harvey, you did such a wonderful thing introducing me to those books.
I read it all in one sitting, and then I read it again.
And then I sat alone in a meadow, and I just held it, so I could feel it.
And then I went and shared it with everybody.
That's great, Piri.
I'm so glad everyone likes them.
That's not even the best news.
I wrote the author a letter asking if she'd come to the book release party tomorrow, - and she said yes! - You wrote to Jackie Slitherstein? She's gonna be here? In real life? I don't know if I can handle meeting her.
Of course you can.
You're her number one fan.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay, I'm gonna go to bed right now, so I can be ready for tomorrow.
Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! I am so early! Jackie Slitherstein's gonna flip when she sees me.
This is the best day of my little life.
Huh? All right, kids.
Everyone gather around.
I'd like to introduce the person you've all been waiting for, Jackie Slitherstein.
Greetings, children.
Miss Slitherstein is the author of the Detecti Shh.
I need no introduction.
The children know who I am.
- I am their mother.
- No, no, you're not their Mother of their imaginations! We love you, Mommy! - Mm, whatever.
- Now, my little jewels, before we start the book signing, I'd like to make an announcement.
There is one special fan among you who has gone above and beyond demonstrating their love for Detective Dirk, who I would like to thank personally.
Could it be? So could my little Piri Piri come forward? Uh.
What? Thank you so much.
None of this would have been possible if it weren't for Harv All right.
Moving on then.
Now tell me, children, who's on the case? We're on the case! Hey, Harvey.
Why aren't you inside talking to that lizard lady? I don't know.
I guess I didn't expect there to be so many people there.
I still love Detective Dirk.
It just doesn't feel like my thing anymore.
Delivery.
Got a package for Littlebark Grove Library.
All right, drop it down over here, Ma.
Ma! Down! Drop it down! Randl, the controls are inverted.
- Oh, for the love of - Never mind.
I got it.
Hey, you're the librarian's kid, right? I recognize your gigantic head.
Sign this.
Scoot over, Ma.
I'm driving us back.
Huh? This is it.
The last book in the Detective Dirk trilogy.
Well, I guess I better bring these inside.
- Why would you do that? - What do you mean? If you bring those books in there, everyone is gonna read them.
- Yeah? - So don't bring them in.
If you want these books to be your special thing, go stash them in the woods somewhere.
That's what Foo and I do when we don't want to share our stuff.
- Yeah! - No, no! What are you doing? Well, I guess that makes sense.
I mean, I liked them before anyone else did.
Plus, it's a library, so it's kind of like I'm borrowing them.
Sure, dude.
Whatever you want.
All right.
Let's hurry.
Librarian woman, where are the books? How should I be expected to sign something - that just isn't here? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
They were supposed to be here hours ago.
No matter.
If there are no books here, then I'll just have to sign something else.
There.
You're worth millions now.
Okay, no.
You can't just start Sign me.
Sign me too.
This is the last time I use Randl's e-delivery.
Huh? That can't be right.
Delivered and signed? By who? - Oh, there you are.
- Ahh! Oh, hey, Piri Piri.
I was just out.
- I mean, I-I wasn't - I've been looking all over for you.
Jackie Slitherstein wanted to meet you.
- She wanted to meet me? - Of course, darling.
You're Harvey Beaks, aren't you? Detective Dirk's number one fan? - Piri Piri told me all about you.
- Jackie Slitherstein.
Yes.
It's a pleasure for you to meet me.
Shame about those books though, huh, Junior Sleuth? Oh, the books? Someone intercepted the delivery of the new books.
I'm sorry, Harvey.
I guess no one's going to read them now.
Oh.
Guys, I know we're all really bummed out, but maybe, if we all work together, we can track down the books by using our Detective Dirk Junior Sleuth skills.
What do you say? - Looks like we're on the case.
- Oi, I see a clue! Look at these tracks.
It looks like a box was dragged from here.
Well deduced, Rooter.
And from the looks of it, it was dragged slowly.
Maybe they were weighed down by the awful - guilt of their crime.
- Perhaps they were.
And perhaps they still are.
Whatever.
Let's just follow the stupid tracks already.
Hmm? Guys, I think I found something.
Looks like some blue feathers? Yeah, and they're, like, really sweaty for some reason.
Gross.
The culprit was probably incredibly clammy - because of his guilt.
- Look, everyone! The trail of feathers and nervous sweat puddles lead right to that tree.
It's the books! Who could have done such a terrible thing, - putting them in a tree like that? - Isn't it obvious? The blue feather, the nervous sweat.
Can't you see? I'm not on the case.
I am the case.
Plot twist! - But, Harvey, why? - I wanted to like Dirk the most.
I guess the real mystery I had to uncover was the mystery of sharing.
I'm really sorry, guys.
- My book, my book, my book! - Yeah! - Ahem.
- Jackie Slitherstein.
You needn't apologize.
I've already forgiven you.
I'm benevolent like that.
Okay.
I don't know what that word means.
You know, if you'd like, I could tell you about my upcoming series, Futon Fernando.
It could be your special thing.
Thanks, but I think I'd rather wait - until we all can read it.
- Very well.
Hey, Harvey.
Looks like there's one last book in the box.
- Wanna share it? - Do I ever!