Jake and the Fatman (1987) s01e11 Episode Script

1
I'll say this about the
Fatman: he's a sweet guy.
Listen, creep, I'm going to
take you apart like a clock.
JAKE: He can be
tough when he has to be.
J.L.: Jake Styles?
Don't ask me how
he can live the way he
does on a cop's salary.
Some people do seem
to like him, however.
But he's a damn good
investigator, and he's mine.
(theme playing)
He's a good guy.
Don't you forget it.
Silent night ♪
Holy night ♪
All is calm ♪
And all is bright ♪
Round yon virgin,
mother and child ♪
Holy infant, so
tender and mild ♪
Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
Christ the Savior is born. ♪
Here you go.
Hey, thanks, Pete. I'll
bring it back to you as soon
as I get the wife's
set of tires changed.
No problem, Terry.
Hey, it's good to see you.
I, uh, I sort of
thought you and
Yeah? Wanda and
I split up? Yeah.
No, we had some tough times,
but we decided we're
gonna try to work it out.
Came back just in
time to fix her car.
Well, do you need some help?
No, no, once I get
it on top of this thing,
it should be a piece of cake.
Unless I got to start
screwing around
with the brake
pads underneath it.
Well, be very careful because
this is only for changing tires.
Yeah, yeah. No, it's no problem.
Pete, it looks strong enough
to even support that tank
that Wanda drives.
Thanks again, Peter.
(muffled grunting)
Don't strain yourself, Corrigan.
You're gonna take a little rest.
♪
♪
Liar, perjurer, mendacious
Mr. McCabe.
Hmm? Yes, Your Honor?
If you have anything to say,
could you please speak up
so the court can hear you?
Oh, well, of course,
Your Honor, of course.
I'm just reviewing my
notes here, that's all.
(chuckles)
(humming "Good King Wenceslas")
Mr. Mendoza,
after the police arrested
you on what you seem to feel
is such a capricious manner,
what happened next?
They shoved me
into the squad car,
but first they
handcuffed me real tight,
so it hurt, you know?
Really? Well, that
is unspeakable.
And what occurred next?
They took me down
to the police station.
When we got there,
they searched me.
And what did they find?
Nothing. I'm clean.
No drugs whatsoever.
Uh, except for some aspirin.
I'm prone to headaches.
Now, Mr. Mendoza,
what if I told you
that when the police went
back and searched the police car,
they found almost
three ounces of crack
cocaine
under the seat.
These packages right
here, as a matter of fact.
I say those cops driving
the car should be arrested
for transporting narcotics.
Ah.
Then these aren't
your drugs, huh?
I never saw 'em before.
And that's the truth.
You didn't take them
out of your pockets
and put 'em under the back seat
of the police car?
How could I?
I had those very
painful handcuffs on.
I could barely
move; immobilized.
I see. Immobilized.
Well, Your Honor,
uh, at this moment,
I would like to take a piece
of evidence out of order
and conduct a
little demonstration
using my associate
Mr. Mitchell here.
Mr. Mitchell?
(J.L. chuckles)
You see, he's placing
bags identical to those found
under the seat of the
police car in his pockets.
And this police officer
will now handcuff him
according to standard
police procedure.
Objection.
What relevance can
this possibly have here?
It's absolutely
relevant, Your Honor.
The defendant contends it
would have been impossible
for him to remove the
narcotics from his person.
The people merely
want to test that assertion.
I'll allow it, for
what it's worth.
Thank you very much, Your Honor.
(quietly): You damn well
better make this work, huh?
You did practice, didn't you?
Oh, no, sir.
Oh, well, that's all right.
If it doesn't work,
I'll just kill you.
Ah! One.
Number two! (chuckles)
Thank you.
The record will reflect
that Mr. Mitchell has
removed both packages
from his pockets.
And now, Mr. Mendoza,
having seen this demonstration,
I think you should take
two of your aspirins,
because your
headache's (chuckling)
(chuckling): just beginning.
No further questions,
Your Honor.
(laughing)
We'll take our noon recess now.
Court stands
adjourned till 1:30.
(gavel bangs)
Oh, I know what
this conversation
is not going to be about.
I know that because
you're not just the respectful
Deputy District Attorney.
You're also a
professional, who can see
that I'm consumed
by the rigors of trial.
You're not going to
break my concentration,
jeopardize this case
or irritate me, are you?!
By my count, that's two
attempts at intimidation,
and one at guilt, not to mention
the veiled threat to my job,
which, coincidentally,
is why I'm here.
The answer's still no.
When you recruited
me, part of the deal was
I'd get into murder
trials almost immediately.
Running collections
are not murder trials.
Why do you insist on
demeaning your position, girl?
You're performing a
vital community service!
I run a posse that tracks
down deadbeat spouses
behind in their
support payments.
And you're doing
one hell of a job,
Joan, let me tell you.
Your collection your
success rate is up 80%.
And it's customary
to reward good work.
Well, with a merit
raise, of course.
With a transfer, McCabe.
Hey, come on.
You're too valuable
to move to a
different department.
McCabe, I'm holding
you to your word.
You are?
Let me know when
you're ready to live up to it.
Uh
And if I never see you
again, merry Christmas.
Thanks a lot.
Mr. McCabe.
Yeah?
Well, as you know,
Christmas is coming up.
What about it?
Well, my parents
are going skiing,
and, uh, well, I was wondering,
I was thinking that
maybe, possibly,
if it wasn't too much
trouble, you might
Are you asking for time off?
Well, it's not exactly time off.
Do crooks take time off, Derek?
Do felons go on vacation, Derek?
Maybe they slow down
during the holidays.
Derek when the criminal
element practices goodwill
toward man and
observes the holidays,
so will you.
In the meantime, try to remember
that it's your
job to fight crime,
not to cheat the taxpayers
out of honest work.
Morey, Morey, not only is
your client an immoral deadbeat,
he's a pathological liar,
a scammer and
a professional rat.
He is four months behind
on his support payments
and his children are
embarrassed to go to school
because they don't
have any lunch money.
Morey, Morey, I
would like to warn you,
I am in my third day
of my stop smoking,
and what I would really like to
do is beat someone's head in.
And guess who's
at the top of the list?
So think about that
and quake in your
expensive jogging shoes.
Wanda.
Miss Cogell, I
wrote you a letter.
Yes, I know, saying
that you wanted
to drop the case
against your ex-husband.
That's why I came because
It doesn't matter.
(voice breaking): Terry's dead!
I'm, I'm sorry.
I know we had our differences,
but he was really a wonderful
I'm sorry. I just can't.
Oh, I'm very sorry.
Uh, Wanda, Wanda, excuse me.
I don't want to pry,
but two weeks ago,
you wanted to put him
in jail for non-support,
and now you send
me this letter saying
I-I know. He came back.
He told me he still loved me.
He told me he still cared
about me, and only me.
But he said that before,
every time I hauled him
into court for not making
those support payments.
No, no, this time he meant it.
I mean, he came back here,
(sobbing): and he just
couldn't do enough for me.
I'm sorry. This
is just too painful.
I just can't talk about it.
All I'm suggesting
is that, sometimes,
great anger is
part of great love.
McCabe, the last time
I had them in court,
Wanda came over
the table at him.
It took two marshals
to get them apart.
See what I mean?
Now, suddenly,
she's heartbroken,
she's devastated.
She's the grieving widow
and she's only the ex-wife.
Do you know what all my
instincts as a prosecutor
are telling me?
Frankly, no.
Something
is very wrong here.
I'll tell you what's
wrong is that
one of my deputies doing a
terrific job in one department
wants to change to something
she has no experience in.
This will be my experience.
I have uncovered
possible foul play,
and I am entitled
to investigate it.
Investigate?!
There is nothing to investigate!
There is something to investigate!
Will you stop with investigate?
Good morning.
I can hear the Christmas
cheer all the way
down the hall. Hi, Jake.
Hi. Where have you been?
I've been looking
for you all morning.
Remember me? I'm the guy
who's been working 18-hour days
for the last two weeks.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, I need you to go over
the Jamieson deposition.
I did already.
It's on your desk.
On my desk?!
No wonder I couldn't find it.
Look, I told you I was
coming in late this morning
so we could discuss my time off.
Oh, you're taking advantage
of my good nature again, huh?
No, I was Christmas
shopping with my niece.
Christmas shopping?!
Yes. I hate these holidays!
I never get any work
done by anybody!
McCabe, what about
my investigation?
This could be murder one.
What the hell are
you so upset about?
I'm not even assigned
to a case right now.
No?
(chortling)
Oh, you most certainly are.
The Terry Brazil thing.
What Terry Brazil thing?
Murder, possibly.
What murder? Brazil.
We've been trying to
put him away for years.
You can have Jake
for exactly 24 hours,
no more. If you turn up
something substantial,
well, it'll be a vindication
of your instincts. If not,
you'll return to Collections quietly.
Hold it. Wait a minute. 'Cause we, we
We, we Quietly.
Quietly.
Deal?
Deal. Wait a minute.
Don't I have anything
to say about this?
No! No!
There you go.
Thank you. Sure.
Listen, um I know
that you must feel, well,
sort of railroaded
into this case,
but I wanted to tell you
how much I really
appreciate the help.
Joan, appreciation's
got nothing to do with it.
A couple of years ago,
there was a bank job.
A guard was killed.
I could never nail Terry for it.
I've wanted him ever since.
Something's wrong.
What?
When I was here yesterday,
there was a giant
candy cane on that door.
That sounds like murder to me.
And the curtains are all gone.
Hey, wait a minute.
We can't go in here
without a search warrant.
We're not going in here.
Because my guess is
there's nothing to search.
So, ex-wife leaves instructions
to have her hubby's
remains cremated,
which I think is
pretty much a joke,
since we already
had incineration
courtesy of the garage fire.
What about the autopsy?
Anything unusual?
No, there wasn't
much left of him.
All I got was a blood
sample and dental records.
Great. You've been
a great help, Sally.
Thanks a lot. Let's go.
Dental records?
Teeth survive a fire.
Could we see the report, please?
Yeah. Sure.
Was the body identified
by the dental records?
SALLY: No. Ex-wife
gave us the I.D.
Oh with all of the
reasons that Terry had
for not making Wanda's
support payments,
one of them was that he
didn't have any money left
because he was having
his teeth worked on.
Look at that.
He had teeth. So what?
Terry was having
all his teeth pulled
to be fitted for dentures.
He didn't have any teeth
left for dental records.
You wanted to know
about the ashes.
When I asked the ex-wife
what to do with them,
she tells me flush 'em.
Now what do you think?
I think I'd like to know
Who the corpse was under the car
and where the
hell is Terry Brazil?
Are you coming with me or what?
What are we doing? Come on.
Come on.
That is pathetic.
This is my desk.
I can put anything on it I want.
You know my rules
about holiday displays.
It isn't a display. It's a tree.
First, it's a tree,
then a lot of clutter
with Christmas cards
strung all over the place.
The next thing you
know, an office party
with too much eggnog
and a lot of insincere
sentimental claptrap.
You have no Christmas spirit.
And I don't have any
dismal plastic trees, either.
As a matter of
fact, neither do you.
Get rid of it.
I heard you wouldn't let
Derek leave early for Christmas,
even though you
gave Ruth time off
to go to New York.
I couldn't believe it.
But now I do.
You're nothing but a Scrooge.
And a "Bah, humbug" to you.
Good news.
I'll be the judge of that.
The grieving ex-wife
isn't grieving at all,
plus she's vanished,
and that's not all.
Are you a part of this?
According to the dental charts,
the body under the
car is not Terry's.
Not Terry, huh?
I don't know who
the corpse is, or how
it got there, but
I got a feeling
that Terry's behind it.
Well, well, good work, Joan.
All right. Let's find out
what Terry's up to, huh?
Doesn't Terry have a brother
as crooked as he
is, but not as smart?
Good idea. Lean on him.
JOAN: Terrific.
What should I do? Hey, Joan,
it's not that I don't
appreciate your efforts.
Hell, we wouldn't
have been into this thing
if it weren't for you.
It's just that
Wait. Are you telling
me that it's time
for the big kids to go to work
and for the children to go away?
No, it's time for people
who are trained professionals
to do their job.
He just said that you wouldn't
even have a case,
if it wasn't for me.
Now, I have earned the
right to follow through.
Joan, it just doesn't
work that way.
Come on, now.
Give me a chance.
Come on, it's only fair.
Just, come on,
just a little chance.
Come on.
Oh, Joan.
(playing "Hark! the
Herald Angels Sing")
(child shouting happily)
(hand bell clanging in distance)
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
(clearing throat)
(coins clatter into pot)
Mac?
Mac, is that you?
Merry Christmas.
Frank.
You remember me Jake Styles?
Happy New Year.
Frank, is this gig legit here?
Move on, will you, Styles?
You got something to hide?
Beat it, will ya?
Turn around. Aw, be serious.
I am serious. I
said turn around.
Oh, come on.
Spread 'em, let's go. What?
What is this, Frank?
Is this legit?
I never saw it before.
Unbelievable.
You're a disgrace
to your uniform.
Come on, Styles, it's Christmas.
Don't "Styles" me.
Take him downtown
for questioning.
It's Christmas. Grand theft.
FRANK: Aw, man!
Well, you want him, you got him.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I-It was a setup. I was framed.
You know you haven't got a case.
This whole thing
reeks of entrapment.
Well, if you feel so confident,
I suggest we go to court.
Not so fast.
In the spirit of Christmas,
in the name of saving
time and money,
we could cut a deal.
We plead misdemeanor,
you drop the char
Excuse me.
JOAN: Mr. McCabe.
Yeah.
Mr. Bernstein here
is talking plea bargain
in the spirit of
Christmas, and I was
(laughs)
Him in the spirit of Christmas?
Bah!
This creep is a career criminal
and I want him locked
away permanently.
Do you understand?
I'm sorry.
It's just well, you know
why he's so steamed.
No, why?
But Tell me! No, look,
we gotta make a deal.
With my priors, I'm looking
at a lot of years bonus time.
Mr. Brazil here has a
brother named Terry.
Mm. I heard about
the accident terrible.
JOAN: Well, that's
Mr. McCabe's problem.
He's convinced that it
wasn't Terry under the car.
(both chuckle)
H-He-He's crazy.
Terry's dead.
Well, he doesn't believe that
and it's making
him, well, irritable.
And he's taking it out on you.
I'm so sorry.
Talk to her; we
gotta make a deal.
Just calm down isn't
there anything we can do?
Sure.
Give him a lead
that'll take him to Terry.
But that's ridiculous.
We know you wouldn't
tell on your brother,
even to save yourself
ten years in prison.
Hey, Ruth.
Derek.
Just the up-and-coming
deputy I'm looking for.
How would you like to do
me a tremendous favor?
Sure, Ruth, what is it?
Defense keeps postponing
Ed Jamieson's case.
Just when I
thought it was asleep
until after the holiday,
they're ready to
go, and I planned
on going to New
York to visit my folks.
I don't suppose
What, you want me to take it?
All the prep's done.
You could walk right in.
Yeah, Ruth, but
that's a major felony.
It's a sure winner, too.
A felony.
A winning felony.
Yeah, yeah, that
would be terrific.
Oh, you're a champ.
I'll buy lunch and
we'll go over the file.
Great.
Ex-Except I got to
ask McCabe first.
Hey, come on.
Move it.
(clears throat)
J.L.: All right.
What's this talk about
trading information
to sweeten the plea bargain?
Frank here wants to tell us
something about
his brother Terry,
which he thinks we'll like.
Oh, really?
Yeah, uh, Terry's got
Let's get the deal straight.
If Frank gives
you this, he walks.
(chuckles)
You don't want much, do you
For a jerk I can
lock up for ten years.
It's not what I want,
it's what you're
after Terry Brazil.
All right.
If it's any good,
you've got a deal.
Uh, Terry's, uh, got a
girlfriend Lucy Powell.
She lives on Oak
Place in the Valley.
Yeah?
Well, i-if he's alive,
Terry will show up there.
A-All you have
to do is watch her.
I'm sure of it.
And if he doesn't show,
I will personally drive
you to San Quentin.
Now get him out of here.
Mr. McCabe, can I
ask you something?
Make it quick.
Well, I was just wondering
why you let Terry's
brother go like that.
Because I'm a man
of my word, that's why.
But the information he
gave us was so paltry,
even if he was telling
the truth, which I doubt it
Of course he wasn't
telling the truth.
Then why did you trade?
Derek, you're missing the point.
We caught him and hauled
him in just so we can let him go.
You mean, so you
can have him followed.
Aha! Oh, well, I'm
going to tell your father
not to demand your
college tuition back after all.
Well, as long as you're
in such a good mood
This is a good mood, isn't it?
I was wondering
Out with it.
If I could take over
the Jamieson case.
Ruth has plans to
go to New York and
That's a stupid question!
Of course you may.
All the prep is
done and I Yes?
That was a yes?
(laughing)
("The First Noel" playing)
That's Terry.
You sure? Yep.
I've had him in court
at least five times.
Same height, same
build. Has to be him.
Yeah? Yeah, and,
you know, it's perfect
because unless you knew,
you'd never know that was
Terry under those whiskers,
and he's very
smart, because there
are at least 20 of
these guys with bells,
just in front of
this store alone.
Michael! JAKE: All
right, okay. Hold it.
Stay put.
Hold it right there! I'm a cop!
Hands on the cab! Let's go!
Spread 'em! Spread 'em!
You made a big mistake, Terry.
It's not Terry.
It's not?
Nope.
That's great.
(sighs heavily)
(knocking on door)
Hi.
Hi.
How's dentistry?
(wry laugh)
Well I've pulled every prison
record of every known associate
of Terry Brazil's
who's done time.
I know that if I can
match these teeth
with the corpse under the
car, that I'll be home free,
because that corpse had
very distinctive dental work,
and it doesn't even
take a dentist to see it.
Joan, why, uh why
are you doing this?
'Cause I think that Terry
killed somebody that he knew.
He faked his death
so he could disappear.
Why are you being so
damn condescending?
I know you're mad at me
I'm not mad. You are mad at me.
No, I'm not. I'm not mad.
You are mad.
Okay, I'm slightly
disappointed, all right?
Disappointed in you and I.
Why you? I'm the one that
fingered the wrong man.
Well, because I should have
played the odds. That's why.
The chances were real slim
that Brazil was under that beard,
but whoever it was, I mean,
he could have led us to him,
or toward whatever
he was planning.
I should have phoned for backup.
I should have
followed him. I didn't.
And we should
have played it safe.
Joan, I didn't do my job,
okay? That's what I didn't do.
I just, uh
Well, I just think that we
should all do what we do best.
And, as for you,
I just don't think it's
investigating this case.
JAKE: J.L.!
(clears throat) There you are.
Oh, finally, you're back.
Tell me you've located Terry.
Uh, well, he and
his brother are gone.
We've worked every angle,
but I'll tell you, it
doesn't look good.
Well, I guess
the only thing to do
is to pick up the wife,
bring her in here
for questioning.
We don't know
where she is, either.
Uh
I-I had Katie calling moving
and storage companies.
She found
the one that collected
Wanda's furniture.
She gave them a post
office box for her mail.
I, uh
(clears throat)
I bet if you staked
that out How is that?
Oh, it's good. Yeah?
Oh, by the way,
there's some days
I'm really proud that I
voted for you for D.A.
I'll be talking to you.
Mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
(chuckling)
GERTRUDE: Go
ahead, eat all of it.
(throaty grunt)
It's my personal
recipe for divinity fudge.
Christmas divinity fudge
with double walnuts.
I came out here
thinking that just possibly
I might get this brief
typed, and what do I find?
There's got to be enough
sugar in that junk to decimate
the entire office.
What are you doing,
collecting evidence?
I want you to get it
out of my sight.
And if you can find the time,
perhaps, possibly,
maybe, you might type
this in some form
reasonably approximating
what I have written.
Just thinking of Max.
Eddie Corrigan is dead?!
Dental records
are a perfect match.
Well, that does explain why
he missed his
appointment this week.
(laughing): You know,
I was thinking that,
since you were
his probation officer,
that you might know why
Terry Brazil would
want him dead.
Eddie was a snitch.
He got busted on consorting
with known criminals.
And Terry was one of 'em.
(laughing): Oh, yes.
Eddie should have gone back
to jail on violation of parole.
Instead, he rolled over.
And Terry found out
about it and killed him.
You know, whatever it was
that he was going
to tell the police
Oh, it looks like it was about
what Terry was planning.
Could I see his file?
Absolutely.
Poor Corrigan.
Too dumb to be a good crook,
not smart enough
to stay straight. Hmm.
You want to have lunch later?
You know why I've asked you
to come here and talk with me,
don't you, Mrs. Brazil?
Your man told me
that it was about Terry,
and I told him that I
don't know anything,
except that he's dead.
Oh, but he's not.
You see, the dental records
prove it was somebody
else under that car.
He's alive?!
We think Terry murdered
whoever he was,
and we want you to tell us why.
Well, I don't know
anything about it.
I swear. I swear, I
thought he was dead.
You've never been
in trouble with the law,
have you, Mrs. Brazil?
Of course not.
Ever been in jail?
No.
Well, you see,
with this job I've got,
you get to know people.
Shall I tell you what I
think I know about you?
I want you to tell me
what this is all about.
I bet you came
from a very respectable
home, am I right?
Yes.
Folks cared about
you, looked after you?
I'll bet they were
very proud of you.
Pretty young girl,
smart, full of promise.
Bet they wouldn't like it
if they knew that you wound
up with a hood like Terry.
What's your point?
I believe
that despite everything
you've been through,
you're still that same girl.
Whatever Terry did to you,
he didn't change that, did he?
Remember what your life was
before he brought
all of this into it?
(sighs)
I want you to tell me the truth.
I can't tell you anything that
I haven't already told you.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
Ladies and gentlemen of
the jury, the defendant is
Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,
regard the defendant
Ladies and gentlemen
You're starting in 20 minutes.
I don't want you to be late.
Gertrude, I can't do this.
My heart's pounding,
my palms are sweaty.
My legs are like rubber bands.
I can't even remember
my own name,
let alone that of the defendant.
Sounds like someone else I know
when he was
trying his first case.
The office is different,
but it was the same
size, 30 years ago.
And your jacket
is a little smaller.
A lot smaller.
You mean McCabe was nervous?
Oh, scared and shaky
and, as it turned
out, quite wonderful.
But he'd been a cop.
He worked in the D.A.'s
office for years before.
Look, you're young,
but you believe in
what you're doing.
The jury will see that,
and they'll pull for you.
You can do it.
You really think so?
Of course I do.
I wouldn't waste my
coffee break on a loser.
(sighs with relief)
Now get down there
and put him behind bars.
(kisses)
Gertrude, I think
I might love you.
Not only did Terry and
Corrigan do time together,
but Terry's specialty
is armed robbery,
and Corrigan
drives a getaway car.
Joan, that's interesting,
but it's nothing but smoke.
But it's so logical.
Terry and Corrigan
plan a job together.
Corrigan gets picked
up for parole violation.
To avoid going back to
jail, he agrees to roll over
on Terry.
Instead, Terry hears
about it, he rolls a car
over on Corrigan. J.L.,
what's your favorite word?
Speculation.
JOAN: Okay.
Here's the clincher.
The prison mug shot of the
man in the Santa Claus suit.
He was a member of Terry's
gang when they robbed
that bank, and where did Frank
go to meet him?
Outside the very same department
store where we picked up Frank.
As we say in court,
connect it or drop it.
Gladly.
Why is Terry's brother going
to that department
store every day
at the same time?
Casing it.
And what is a
department store filled with
the day before Christmas?
Money.
Guys, it's obvious.
Terry is going to rob
that department store.
Joan, if you had one
piece of hard evidence,
one real fact,
but it's all speculation.
JOAN: You know what I think?
I think if he walked in
here with that theory,
you'd have squad cars
out, you'd have undercover
cops in that store,
you'd have a whole
operation cooking.
That's right, because
Jake has experience,
he has training,
he has instinct!
The theory is the same.
The logic is the same.
The truth is the same.
The only
problem is,
you don't want
to believe me.
(door opens)
(door closes)
That's the most ridiculous
accusation I've ever heard in
I'm a deputy D.A.
I have reason to believe
you're about to be robbed.
Would you mind
going back in the store
until I can call the police?
(yelling)
Down on the ground! Let's go!
Get down!
Hey, put it down!
You hear me? Put
it down! I'll kill her!
I'll kill her!
I swear I'll blow her head off!
Down! Put it down! Now!
Do it!
And put your face on
the cement right now!
Move it! Move!
Everybody, keep your heads down!
Keep 'em down!
I don't want to
see anyone's eyes!
(various indistinct
conversations)
What were you going
to do, let him shoot me?
It crossed my mind.
You know, I don't think
that we should talk right now,
because I think both of us
are liable to say something
that we're going to regret.
Well, that's damn decent of you
since you just blew
an entire operation. I?
I'm the one who figured it
out. I'm talking about the person
who charged into a dangerous
situation with no backup.
That is so unfair
and you know it!
You should have
told me you were
Hey, I tried to call you,
all right? All afternoon!
If you had been in your
office, doing your job,
you would've known about this.
Jake, I just
couldn't do nothing.
Look
I'm real mad at
myself, all right?
And I think you're right.
I don't think we
should talk right now.
Jake, there is one more thing.
I had an idea No, drop it.
No, wait a minute.
Listen to me, please.
Just give me a chance.
I've got a plan. Leave it alone.
Listen to me! I have a
plan! I don't want to hear it.
No, you listen to me. Drop it!
Oh!
Who are you?
Hi.
Before we get social,
I have a message for you
from your friends at
the Supreme Court.
You have the right to remain
silent, and anything you say
can and will be
held against you.
You're a Don't say cop.
I think law enforcement
representative is much nicer.
Oh, by the way, there's more
to the speech about the rights,
but I think, first, you might
want to take a look at this.
What is it? It's a
search warrant.
I think it's well worth it,
because we both know
what's in the
briefcase, don't we?
That's not my bag.
I've never seen it before.
Oh, then you'll be fascinated.
I think the gun's a nice touch.
(knocking) JOAN: Wanda? Hello.
Wanda, are you in there?
Jake! What a surprise.
What a surprise that you didn't
come to me for a search warrant.
Joan, what the hell
are you doing here?
This is my case. JAKE:
Not anymore. Look, I don't
I don't want you here! Go
home! Don't give me that.
Right now! I don't
want to argue with you!
All right! Take your gun out.
Take your gun out
and put it on the table.
Take it out!
Don't do anything stupid.
I am. Right now.
Okay, I'm going
to right now look.
Take out your cuffs.
Get in the bathroom.
Wanda, listen to me
for a second Shut up!
Cuff yourself to the shower rod.
Drop the keys. Wanda,
wait a second. I can help you.
WANDA: Quiet!
Shut up!
Listen to me Here.
All right, move it over here.
Shut the case and pick it up.
Get over there.
Wanda, listen to
me for a second.
Sit down. Wanda, think
about what you're doing.
You don't have to
I have no choice.
You don't have
to do this. Shut up!
(tapping phone keypad)
Wanda, listen to me. No.
Yeah, Terry, the cops are here.
Now, you listen to me.
We're leaving today.
We can't wait till tomorrow.
I want you to meet me.
Yes, right now.
Get up.
Any more cops outside?
No. I work alone.
For your sake, you better
hope he's telling the truth.
Get out this side.
Why the hell did you bring her?
I thought you'd want her,
in case there was trouble.
Yeah, well, she is trouble.
Come on, over there.
Why do you want to go over here?
Come on, lady. Look,
you've got the money.
You're going to
make a clean getaway.
You really don't
want to kill me.
Oh, yes I JAKE: Terry Brazil.
You're under arrest.
Back off!
JAKE: I don't know
how to tell you this,
but I took the bullets
out of that gun.
It was a setup,
Terry, and we gotcha.
(clicking)
(gunshot)
This one's loaded.
Put your face on the
pavement right now!
(siren blaring)
OFFICER: Hands behind your back.
Cuff her and get
her out of here.
(indistinct radio transmission)
JOAN: Not bad, huh?
I thought you did all right.
What do you mean "all right"?
You did all right. How
'bout, uh how 'bout "good"?
Okay, you were good.
Okay, I was good.
How about, uh, how
about was I great?
Was I really great? Come on.
Come on All
right, you were great.
Thank you. So were you.
(door opens)
You're not going
to believe this.
It's too fantastic.
Go ahead. Ask
me, ask me, ask me.
Okay, you didn't
by any chance?
Win my first felony trial?
Why, yes. Thank you for asking.
Oh, big man. Congratulations.
That's wonderful! That's great!
I owe it all to McCabe.
If he'd let me go skiing, I'd
never have had the chance.
It was kind of a
Christmas present to you
that he was so tough on you.
Christmas present? Yeah.
McCabe?
Well, he kind of gave you
a Christmas present, too,
don't you think, by letting
you work on this case?
GERTRUDE: Well,
if not you, Mama,
I don't know who
could've done it.
(chuckles): Bye-bye.
(hangs up phone)
DEREK: Hey,
Gertrude, is McCabe in?
I've got to tell him
something. You won.
Ha! Congratulations.
Thanks.
Gertrude, are you all
right? You seem, uh
a little up. I am.
I am so excited
and happy and thrilled.
Divinity fudge. I
beg your pardon?
Lorraine Shelley, the
food critic in the newspaper.
Only my absolute heroine.
Well, she runs a
contest every year.
DEREK: Oh, I saw that.
The best recipe for
a Christmas dish.
GERTRUDE: And
I won for my fudge:
a cooking lesson from
Lorraine in my own home.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Congratulations. But I
don't know who to thank.
Someone sent it in.
Not the recipe,
the fudge itself.
Now, who would've
done something like that?
No way.
Not possible.
What's the matter
with you people?
Haven't you ever seen a
decent Christmas tree before?
I'm going to faint.
Don't you dare.
We've got too much work to do.
For once, I'm giving
the office party myself,
and I want it done
right for a change.
Now, Gertie, pour
the eggnog stuff
And don't spill
any on the carpet.
Glory to the newborn King ♪
I thought you hated Christmas.
Me, hate Christmas?
(chuckles)
I love Christmas.
I just want it done
my way, that's all.
In fact, as Tiny Tim observed
(growls)
What the hell was it
Tiny Tim observed?
Oh, I've got it! I've got it!
"God bless you, every one."
(chuckles)
(phrase from
"Jingle Bells" plays)
Yeah.