Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017) s01e11 Episode Script
Solo
1 Previously on "Kevin (Probably) Saves the World" - I'm a messenger from God.
- Oh, good.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
God is gonna show you how to find the other righteous and then you'll anoint them with an embrace.
When are you gonna ask Amy out? I'd be very happy to go out on a date with you.
They actually opened a substitute-teacher position.
Seeing as you were so good with my students the other day, I submitted your name.
Oh, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go.
We gotta go! We gotta go! We gotta go! What is wrong? I know where the next righteous person is! - How's that even poss - The Universe! The vision! - Let's go! Now! Let's go.
- Kevin.
Kevin! - Let's go.
Go, go now.
- Oh, oh.
Let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Seriously, it was the strangest, coolest vision yet.
I was at some old temple in Peru.
And there was this golden idol on top of this old pedestal.
But get this the pedestal was booby-trapped.
Ohh.
So I had to do something.
And I had a bag of sand.
And then the princess and I kissed right before the guards yanked me away.
Then she calls out, and she tells me that she loves me.
And I just simply tell her, "I know.
" I know.
So we are struggling.
And I find the ripcord for his parachute, and I and I pull it! And then whoosh! He's goes flying out.
And he's hanging there in midair.
And I grab him by his shirt, and I just growl, "Get off my plane!" Okay.
I have a confession to make.
There was no vision.
Yeah.
Wait.
When did you figure that out? When the one-armed man framed you for the murder of your wife.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Well, I planned us a celebratory dinner in honor of our partnership - and everything that it's led to - Ohh.
namely me getting a new job.
Uh, we also found a righteous person.
- That too.
- Uh-huh.
So tonight, it's just you and me - having a real meal like real people.
- Ohh.
Sop just make yourself visible.
Not a chance.
But that's why we came all the way out here, though.
We're 70 miles from home.
So no one will recognize us.
There's no danger.
And honestly, I'd rather not spend the night as a loon who eats with his invisible friend.
Then we'll eat in silence.
[GROANS.]
Come on! Just tonight.
It'll be so much fun.
I promise.
Plea Ple Yvette, please.
Just one thing for me? Fine! But I'm not gonna have a good time.
[LAUGHING LOUDLY.]
This.
Is.
Incredible! [LAUGHS.]
What'd I tell you? I mean, I haven't been witness to something this breathtaking in In at least 2,000 years! - [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, here we go.
Oh! What! Isn't this the best? Me, a teacher you, a student Us being around each other all day long? Please don't embarrass me.
[SHOUTING.]
I'm sorry, Reese! I can't walk you to class right now! I am a teacher, so I have to go to the Teachers' Lounge.
But I'll see you at snack and recess and lunch, and - WOMAN: Hey! - Ooh, sorry.
Thought that was the Teachers' Lounge.
Does anyone know where the? KEVIN: Gotta admit I like what I'm seeing around here.
Solid Danish selection.
Unlimited refills.
Mm-hmm.
More importantly, how you feeling about your first day? Oh.
Me? Couldn't be better.
Just raring to get out there and touch some kids.
- What? - In their minds.
- Wait.
Is that No.
- Hmm? Did you bring in your own [LAUGHS.]
c-coffee mug? This thing? From a New York City bookstore in New York City, where I used to live? Oh, God.
You're trying to be the "cool teacher," aren't you? - Oh, look.
I'm just being me.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, if that's considered cool, who am I to argue? - [LAUGHS.]
- You know? Well, we, uh, we already have a "cool teacher" here.
Hey, Sean! Hey.
Uh, Come meet Kevin Finn.
He's one of the new substitute teachers.
Hey.
Sean Pelcovitz.
The students call him "The Pelc.
" - Hey.
Cool mug.
- Ahh.
You go to New York a lot? Oh, I-I actually lived there for 15 years.
Not a big deal.
Almost moved there myself after I graduated from Columbia.
Yeah, well, you know, it's a It's a tough city.
- It's not for everyone.
- Totally.
I ended up volunteering in Indonesia for a few years instead, mostly remote villages.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Yeah.
I I once went upstate for a charity - [BELL RINGS.]
- Oh, that's our cue.
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
Great talking, Kevin.
And good luck today.
- I'm sure you'll do great.
- Oh, yeah.
- I know.
- Bye, Sean.
I know that! Boy.
Talk about somebody who tries too hard, huh? Yeesh.
[LAUGHS.]
You're ridiculous.
[CHUCKLES.]
"I'm so worldly and cultured.
" [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
- Oh.
I'm just gonna - Oh.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
Parking was just Ugh.
God.
Um You weren't really waiting long, were you? No, no, no.
Not at all.
Not at all.
You're good.
Um, I just wanted to clarify This isn't actually our first date, is it? No! No, no, no.
Definitely not.
- Okay, good.
- This is just - Just a friendly meal.
- Yes, exactly.
Right.
Because if it were our first date, I mean We would be doing something special.
- And not just breakfast.
- Yeah.
So, do you, um Do you have any ideas? Believe it or not, I do.
Okay.
- Midnight stroll - Okay.
to a picnic under the sky.
I know the perfect place for stargazing this time of year.
Huh.
Um counter-proposal? Go ahead.
- We're already friends, right? - Of course.
So Okay, so we're not necessarily tied to the whole "dinner, drinks, get to know you" kind of date.
We could maybe I don't know Try something more adventurous? More adventurous than Cassiopeia, "Queen of the Night Sky"? I mean, I could bring my telescope, I guess.
No.
I'll think of something.
[MARKER SQUEAKS.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Showtime.
Good morning, fine students of La Salle High School.
My name is Mr.
Finn, and I will be your substitute teacher for the day.
Ms.
O'Neil's norovirus pain has become my gain.
[STUDENT COUGHS.]
So, um "My gain.
" Oh, oh! Also, you change the "I" to a "U," I become Mr.
Funn! [STUDENT COUGHS.]
- Mr.
Funn.
Okay, we - YVETTE: Third row.
Third row.
Passing notes.
Third row, Kevin.
We are going to be making learning funn-nn.
Fun-n.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Okay.
You know what? Let's just, uh Let's see what's first on today's agenda.
Oh.
"Return graded papers to students.
" Please raise your hand when I call your name so that I know who you are.
Lola Jane.
Ah.
You got bonus points for excellent penmanship, so good on you.
Maya Thompson.
Surfing Twitter on a cellphone! Kevin, it's time to confiscate.
Come on, now.
Here you go.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Adam Hargrove? Anyone? Yes.
Lola.
- Adam's over there.
- Thank you.
I will hold onto this until he is back in school.
Um Yes, Lola? I meant to say Adam's sitting over there.
Sitting at his desk.
[CHUCKLES.]
You mean, uh, this empty desk right here? Ahh.
Messing with the substitute teacher.
I get it.
I've done it, okay? Well played.
You really don't see him? KEVIN: Oh! Uh, you must be Adam.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why do you think the boy was invisible to you? Clearly, it was a sign from the Universe, but what does it mean? - [CHUCKLES.]
I really can't do this.
- Of course you can.
It's the first day.
Don't get too discouraged.
No, I can't do this [WHISPERING.]
with you.
- Excuse me? - I'm Hey! You are too much of a distraction.
Look.
Don't blame me for that hacky open-mic material back there, Kevin.
I'm just saying that I-I can't focus on teaching when I'm listening to you half the time.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
I see.
Well, maybe lay low for a while? Uh, hang out somewhere.
Just Just Just during school.
Look.
For the record, there are plenty of other things that I could be doing.
Well, that's great! That's perfect.
You could Y-You could go do that stuff.
And And we can maybe catch up later.
Okay? Well, okay?! B Bye! Oh.
Bye.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Ugh! Ohh.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION.]
Hola, ladies.
What's the good word? Aren't you supposed to be working? Just craving a little lunch hang with my favorite niece.
You guys need any Reese fun facts? Toddler stuff? Her "My Little Pony" phase? I got a lot of dirt.
- I like dirt.
- Yeah? Uh, why don't you guys head off? I'll catch up with you later.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you actually need something, or was this just to torture me? Yes.
I need some info on Adam Hargrove.
And the torture was just a bonus.
Why are you asking about Adam? Because I'm a teacher and I say so.
That's not how teaching works! Okay, whatever.
Do you know him? Are you doing your whole "helping thing" here at school now? [SCOFFS.]
Maybe.
All right.
Adam used to get picked on a lot in middle school.
He's kind of an easy target.
These days, he pretty much just keeps to himself.
Is there any particular place that I can find him? - Check the library? - Hmm.
He spends a lot of time there to avoid the knuckleheads.
Huh.
Eww.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
What? Can you loan me 5 bucks for lunch money? - Oh, my God! - I am so hungry, and I forgot my wallet.
KEVIN: Hey.
Mr.
Finn.
I remember.
I just wanted to apologize for what happened in class earlier.
It's First-day jitters.
Um, but I-I'm really sorry.
- It's fine.
- Well, no, it's not.
Um, couldn't help but notice you're eating lunch all by yourself in the reference section.
It's much better than being picked on and tossed into lockers.
Hm.
Well, maybe I could, uh, help you with that.
Ohh.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Yeah.
N-No, thanks.
But I'm your I'm your teacher.
I'm supposed to help.
You're a substitute.
Look.
I am trying to do this the cool way, as a friend.
But if you won't help me help you, then I'm gonna be forced to go full teacher, because my trouble radar is goin' off.
I'm finding out what's going on here.
But I didn't do anything.
Then you shouldn't have a problem talking to me about it.
Please.
I don't I don't want to get involved with those guys.
I'm just trying to keep my head down.
With what With what With who? With the Freshman Prank.
Ohh.
Tell me more.
Some kids were talking about it in the locker room after gym.
They were bragging about this year's prank.
They swore me to secrecy, but I had nothing to do with it.
I wouldn't do anything like that to Miss Allen.
Kristin? KRISTIN: Well, this is quite the coup.
First day on the job, and you're already taking down the Freshman Prank? Impressive.
What'd you think was gonna happen on my first day, something unimpressive? How did you even find out about this? Oh, you know, I can't reveal my source, Kristin.
[LAUGHS.]
Listen.
I'm just stunned that the man behind one of the greatest Freshman Pranks of all time The greatest.
Legends are still told about how the halls overflowed with stuffing and turkey and gravy and potatoes, a literal cornucopia of wonder on that fateful day in 1995.
And no one will ever top that, so No one will ever get a chance, because you're busting them.
No, I'm not actually busting anyone.
You are.
Wait.
What? Ooh! Kevin! Come on! It's not funny! Come on! Quit messing with - [COW MOOS.]
- me.
Uh, Vince, Gene, who's your friend? Wait.
Is that Whoa! Is this the Freshman Prank?! [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, man.
Could've been a great one, too.
But you guys You got caught! Good pranksters don't get caught.
Later.
Good one.
[COW MOOS.]
Where'd you even get the sweater? - [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Come in.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I came to apologize.
I just found out that I've been put on the swing shift for the next couple of weeks 4:00 to midnight.
So Oh.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I guess our date will have to wait.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I was really looking forward to going out on Whatever type of activity we could mutually agree on at whatever location we found amenable to the both of us.
Yes, me too.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, but at least I know that our town will be safe from 4:00 to midnight.
- Dr.
Cabrera? - Yeah? Okay, well, uh, I'll leave you to it.
Wait! Uh, flowers are for dates.
And I-I just I don't want the first flowers that you ever give me to be apology flowers.
So take 'em.
Just - O-Kay.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[SIZZLING.]
Oh.
Oh.
Y-You don't want to miss the onion volcano, trust me.
Very impressive.
What's your deal? - Excuse me? - I remember you from yesterday.
- You were over the Moon for this.
- [LAUGHS.]
I'm sorry.
You're You're right.
For some reason, it feels different today.
Where's your friend? Work.
He has a new job.
And a life.
And I'm very, very proud of him.
People enjoy things more in a group.
Bring some of your other friends with you next time.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
Thank you all for making this a great first day for me! And just none of you care.
Okay.
Stay wonderful, everyone! Did you find Adam Hargrove? Yep.
- And did you help him? - I did.
I think I really did.
All in all, today has been pretty good.
[BANGING ON GLASS.]
YOUNG MAN: Hey, guys! Let me out! This is not funny! Okay.
Break it up, people! Teacher coming through! - Let me out! - Adam.
Uh, hold on.
I'll I'll get some help.
Hey.
What happened? You.
You happened.
Okay.
Well, why don't we go to the principal I'm not going anywhere with you! You're a substitute that managed to ruin my life in Under six hours.
Just leave me alone.
What? So, Nate and I are in this weird limbo area, where we're not really friends anymore, but we're not dating yet.
Well, go on a date with him.
Get it over with.
We were trying to, before he got put on the swing shift for the next two weeks.
- Ohh.
- Thus, back to limbo.
And I I think I made it weird when he brought me flowers today at work.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
- [SCOFFS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- You're so rude.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Well, look.
If you don't want to be in limbo anymore, then just step out of it.
Surprise him down at the station.
Bring the date to him.
That's actually That's not a bad idea.
Hm.
Thank you.
So what about you? How was your first day at school? Ohh.
I would give myself a solid C-plus.
- Ohh.
- Yeah.
I might have made a fairly significant first-day error.
But I broke up the Freshman Prank.
[GROANS.]
Of course.
The Freshman Prank.
[LAUGHS.]
What's that supposed to mean? Freshman Pranks are stupid.
Well, that's a vast generalization.
All of them.
They are all stupid.
Especially whenever you're involved.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, look.
I am sorry that I didn't include you in the epic, legendary, all-time greatest Freshman Prank of 1995.
But you would've told Mom, so Well, we'll never know, will we? - We will never know.
- And That's the price of being a snitch.
Well, if you wanted it to actually be legendary, then you should've involved me.
Oh, I-I did want it to be legendary, which is why I didn't include you and then why it became legendary.
[GASPS.]
Hey! There you are.
Do you know if they made a movie of this? You sure my being here isn't too much of a distraction for you? Is this you being passive-aggressive? Because your time is is very important.
So I just want to make sure I'm scheduled in properly.
Okay, now, that sounded passive-aggressive.
REESE: Adam was pretty upset this afternoon.
I know.
I, uh, I sort of messed up.
- Hmm.
There's a surprise.
- So how can we fix it? We? Well, I did lead you to him.
What happened to Adam today isn't your fault, Reese.
YVETTE AND REESE: No! It's your fault! Yeah, it doesn't matter whose fault it is.
Maybe he was happier just being invisible.
No, no, no.
He was miserable, okay? But now everyone in the school knows who he is for the wrong reasons.
So how do you change that? Ohh! I can just see that little hamster wheel turning in your head, Kevin.
We let people know who Adam is for the right reason.
Psst.
Hey.
Shh.
You're gonna do the Freshman Prank.
- Oh, my God.
- Keep browsing.
Are Are you even a teacher? I get it.
You're scared.
But it's either this or four more years in the trophy case.
Your choice.
[STERNLY.]
Keep browsing.
This is insane.
You know who else they called insane? Einstein.
Mozart.
Van Gogh.
Van Gogh cut off his own ear.
But he wasn't afraid of change.
Even if I agree, I don't know what to do.
Or how to do what to do.
And I have no friends to help.
That's not true.
- You've got me.
- Oh.
Mastermind of the legendary 1995 Freshman Class Prank.
- Ohh.
- Keep that under wraps.
You look so much older.
Look.
We'll get my old crew back together.
One last time.
One last job.
One last prank.
Including you.
So what do you say, Adam? You in? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Geez! TYLER: All right! Kyle, those potato skins have your name all over 'em.
Well, thank you all for coming.
I know I was, uh, a little mysterious on the phone, but I want you to think back to one of the single, shining moments of our lives.
The birth of my daughter.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Yeah.
Good.
That's a T-That is a good one.
But before that, when we were all together, in high school.
We were on the same "team.
" Not the football team.
You were the only one on the football team.
Think back to 1995.
When the six of us pulled the most spectacular Freshman Prank La Salle High School has ever seen, will ever see.
They still talk about it to this day.
- Who does? - They do, Nate, okay? - They do.
- Mm-hmm.
Sure.
The point is, today we have the opportunity to do it again.
I don't understand.
You want to pull a prank? At the high school? Well, not just a prank.
The second-best prank ever.
Why not the best? Because of ours.
Ours was the best in '95.
And you know why we were so successful? We weren't the smartest.
And we weren't the bravest.
Remember? But we were a team, okay? That prank was the purest example of of camaraderie, of of knowing each other on the deepest, most intimate level.
We were like a machine, working together, one goal, laser-focused.
22 years ago, we made history.
Who wants to make it again? Maybe I should've said it was to help a kid.
Is it? Bonus! This is terrible, Ty.
We can't do a job this big by ourselves.
Yeah, but then it's just you and me splitting the glory pie.
Nate, you cannot shut us down.
Please.
- I'm in.
- What? I'm in for the prank.
Just didn't want to advertise I'm breaking the law.
Nate! Thank you so much! Do not tell Amy.
- What? Why? - She'll narc.
No offense.
KEVIN: Hi! Don't bother to try and talk me out of this.
I'm in deep.
You really think a dumb prank is the way to help this kid? I guarantee it.
We're gonna to do this prank, I'll get my vision, and then we'll be one step closer to finding our righteous person.
You feeling okay? I've come to realize that some day, if we're lucky, you'll complete your mission.
You'll anoint all the righteous.
And we'll be done.
Yeah.
That's the plan.
But I don't think I thought beyond that.
Like, what happens to me? I don't get to go home.
You won't need me.
I'll just [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
I'll just be alone.
KEVIN: Well, that That doesn't sound right.
There's gotta Only other reports of note are Gus Fleeger's neighbor won't turn the TV down and Someone's truck is blocking Sara Gomez's driveway.
Sounds like martial-law time to me.
Handle it as you see fit.
Hey! Are you finished with your shift? Hey.
Yeah.
What are you doing here? Well, I have some takeout from Salvator's, some wine, and my old telescope is in my car.
I thought maybe we could go to the roof and look at the stars Your perfect date.
Oh, my Gosh.
Yes.
Uh, yes, it is.
I mean, I know I know it's I know it's cheesy.
I-I wanted to surprise you.
But it's dumb.
This is dumb.
No, no, no, no, no, no! It's n It's not dumb.
It's It's great.
It's so thoughtful.
And, um, yeah.
I-I'd love to take you up on it.
But you're tired.
I get it.
I totally understand.
- We can do it another time.
- Amy, wait.
What if we tried something a little more adventurous? Let's just thread the hose through here.
Um But that's not close to water.
Where does the water come from? [SIGHS.]
That's not a question that I Like, what do you mean, where does water come from? The faucet.
Duh.
I mean, that's That's a good question.
I don't really know the answer.
Damn.
This is hard.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- There's Nate.
I'll get him.
I thought you were good at this.
You know what, Adam? - [DOOR OPENS.]
- So did I.
I cannot believe that you're doing this prank! Teaming up with a juvenile and breaking into the high school?! - [GROANS.]
- Who does that sort of thing?! What is wrong with you people?! And why am I not a part of this prank? Because you'll ruin it.
- Really? - Yeah.
- [SCOFFS.]
- What? That'll never work.
- Well, I wasn't done - Okay, well Mm-hmm.
Put the school here.
[GROANS.]
This'll work.
Fine.
You're on the crew, okay? Good! Now, who is ready to pull off the greatest Freshman Prank in school history? Second-greatest.
Um, Mr.
Finn? Hmm? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
I'm feeling kinda weird about this.
Why? I'm planning a prank with a mom, a police officer, and my teacher.
- And a waiter.
- Just trust me.
This needs to happen, okay? You'll thank me when it's over.
- Okay.
- Okay.
In order for this plan to work, everything must be executed perfectly, okay? Everyone has a role.
Phase One begins with you, Nate.
You are our lookout.
You will arrive first and immediately distract school security.
It's a little on the nose, right? I mean, because I'm a cop, you think I can handle a security guard? No.
I think you can handle the security guard because it's Becky Simpson.
- Oh.
- What? She's cute.
Yeah, I know, and she's always had a thing for you, so it should be easy.
Look.
I'm not worried about distracting her.
I'm worried that once I really decide to turn on the charm, there'll be no turning back.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
I think I'll take my chances.
At the end of the night, I could basically be married.
Just making sure that's what you want for our first real date.
Ohh! You took my advice.
How's the date going? It was going great.
But now I don't know.
- Nate's kind of being a wuss.
- Hey, your funeral.
That you, Becky? What a pleasant surprise.
[GASPS.]
- Aaah! Aaah! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! AMY: And while Nate turns on the charm, we begin Phase Two.
Tyler, Kevin said that you broke in to the locked school in '95.
They called me "The Grease Man.
" I snuck into the air-conditioning ducts here, unlocked the doors there.
You ready to do that again? Damn right I am.
Really get the shoulders so they don't get stuck.
Thought that "Grease Man" was just a heist term.
Me too.
Don't think so.
'Kay.
I'm all lubed up.
Ready to slip 'n' slide.
AMY: Good luck! [GRUNTS.]
Guys, I think they made the ducts smaller.
Can you give me a shove? [GRUNTING.]
It's narrow in here.
KEVIN: All right.
Meet me at the double doors.
- Okay.
- TYLER: Oh, wait! I'm stuck again! Never mind.
Wiggled out.
We're good! KEVIN: Okay.
- [GRUNTING.]
- I am so, so sorry.
Let me see.
Open your eyes.
[GROANS.]
Oh, they They look good.
Totally normal and good.
You know what? I'm gonna go get a first-aid kit inside, just to be safe.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I'll be fine.
I'll be fine.
We'll just let those tears do their work.
You sure? You look really great in your uniform.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh! Thank you! Do you think Tyler's stuck? You know, maybe we should call this off.
No! No.
Tyler has never let me down, ever.
AMY: Okay.
Except maybe once or twice, but not this time.
Just trust me, okay? [DOOR RATTLING.]
- Come - Yes! It's such a bummer that your eyes are burning, because the sky is so beautiful tonight.
You sure I can't get you anything? If it's not too much trouble, I think there's some water in my cruiser.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- [GASPS.]
I'll get your water.
I'll be back.
AMY: Okay, guys.
Now that we're in, we gotta move fast.
We got one more big decision to make, okay? What classroom are we going to? - People, people, people! - What, what, what? - Who is our target? - Oh, come on! It's so obvious! - Mr.
Pelcovitz.
- Mr.
Pelc? - Yeah.
- Why? Why not? Look at the guy.
He t-thinks he's better than everyone else.
- TYLER: Really? - Yeah.
He comes in every Tuesday for breakfast.
He seems really nice.
Yeah, he Seems nice.
Thinks he's better than you.
In fact, he said, "I'm better than Tyler.
" - Oh, that's uncalled for.
- Yeah.
Exactly.
- So it's decided then? - Yes, yes.
- Mr.
Pelc's going down? - Yes, let's go.
Let's go.
Nathan Purcell.
Did you bring all this stuff here for me? Uh, yes.
Yes, I did.
Hey, uh Feel like having a picnic under the stars? You actually look like you're having fun.
Honestly, I'm as surprised as you are.
You know, this sort of fun doesn't happen when you're off hiding alone all the time.
Just saying.
[LAUGHS.]
This is great, Mr.
Finn.
You're actually pretty cool.
I'm really cool.
Can you please tell everyone? Okay.
Our work here is done.
It just needs to set.
So let's go.
Uh, where's the ladder? Uh What Uh, Amy! We're trapped in here! No.
No, no.
No, you're not.
Just use the ladder - a-and go up to the ceiling panels.
- Amy.
Okay.
You, um You're trapped in there.
But don't panic.
Tyler and I are gonna figure something out, okay? - Just don't panic! - We're not panicking! Hey, it's time to panic, okay? ADAM: Yeah.
I'm way ahead of you.
Here.
Let me give you a boost.
- What about you? - I'm gonna be fine.
Don't worry about me.
Just go ahead to the others.
[GRUNTING.]
I'll figure something out.
That looks good.
Nice and sturdy.
I slipped.
On a wet marshmallow.
Mm-hmm.
So I see.
I know I'm not supposed to be here, so No, no, no! That's okay.
You know what? New policy.
You can come to my work whenever.
Whenever you want.
Or anytime I go anywhere, really.
Just in case.
Can you help me get out of here? [DMX'S "PARTY UP IN HERE" PLAYS.]
Whoo! Y'all gonna make me lose my mind - [ALL LAUGHING.]
- Up in here, up in here - Y'all gonna make me go all out - Second-best prank ever! - Up in here, up in here - AMY: What a team! We all played our part.
Oh, my God! We forgot Nate! I know this isn't technically a date, but this is the best date I've been on in years.
Yeah, it is.
It could just Get a little better.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Oh, no.
No donuts on my watch! B.
R.
B.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
AMY: Nate! Where you been?! Hurry up! Pack it up! Before Kevin wrecks my car.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Good first date? Yeah.
You? The best! - [BOTH LAUGH.]
- Come on.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
How's everything looking? T-minus three minutes.
Okay, okay.
I want to tell you I jazzed up your prank a little.
What'd you do? Wait for it.
[LAUGHS.]
Ohh! This is gonna be so good.
- Call it off.
- What? We need to stop the prank, now.
Adam.
Adam, Adam, Adam.
What are you talking about? We can't call it off.
This is happening.
And it's gonna be great, and you're not gonna get in trouble.
I don't care about getting in trouble! I don't wanna prank anyone.
But think about what this is gonna do for your life, okay? You are gonna be a legend.
I don't wanna be mean to someone just so I feel better about myself.
[GROANS.]
It's a joke.
It's a joke! It happens every year.
Pelc will love it.
Pelc will eventually love it.
Last night Might have been the best night of my life.
But I don't want to be that guy that just stomps all over someone just to get ahead.
I'm calling it off.
[GROANS.]
Okay.
Okay.
You know what? - I-I respect your decision.
- Okay.
Thanks.
Sorry.
I-I know you're real proud of your prank.
Well.
Well, it's all right.
YOUNG WOMAN: Hey, Mr.
Pelc.
- I've gotta stop him! - No, no, no.
Hey, no, no, no.
He knows you, okay? - That's not an option.
- Mr.
Finn! Um What do we do? Uh - [WHIMPERS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Okay.
Just take out your phone.
- What?! - Take it out and start recording, okay? - No.
Don't worry.
I've got your back.
All right? Here.
Hold this for a second.
Hey! Hey, there, Mr.
Pelc.
Let me help you there.
Looks like you got your hands full.
Yeah, thanks.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[ARIA PLAYS.]
[STIFLED LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh my God.
Reese, could you help me up? - YOUNG WOMAN: Is that your uncle? - No.
[COW MOOS.]
[GASPS.]
[COW MOOS.]
Jazzed up.
Okay.
What is this? Is [GASPS.]
- Looks like Jell-O to me.
- Kevin? Hey! Freshman Prank.
I think.
They went all-out this year.
KRISTIN: Ohh! Wait.
Did you get all that? Um, y-yeah.
No way, dude! You gotta send that to me! Remind me to give you my cell.
Hey.
Let me see it.
Uh, wow.
Yeah, we should just take you out back and hose you down.
Um Oh, there's a cherry.
Ugh! I just friended you.
You have to find me at lunch so we can show everybody.
Dude, you got, like, the whole thing.
It's like you were waiting for it.
Wait.
Wait.
Did you do this? Uh YOUNG MAN: What's your name? Adam.
Thank you.
[STUDENTS GASP.]
Thought you'd need some caffeine to get you going after last night, but You're taking your car apart.
So Wow.
- This is relaxing for me.
- Yeah.
No.
[LAUGHS.]
So, what happened with the prank? I don't know! Kevin's not responding to my texts, and, well, Reese can't have her cellphone out at school, so - Maybe it didn't work.
- That prank was flawless.
It worked.
So, uh, I only got nine text messages - from Becky this morning.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yes.
That was some solid flirting on your part.
Brought your "A" game.
Congratulations.
That was the weirdest first date I ever had.
Thank you.
So, just to confirm, this right here Not a date? You know what? It is.
- Really? - Yeah.
I would've worn a better shirt.
From now on, it's all a date.
All things are a date.
Deal? Now it's a date.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
[FAINT RUSHING SOUND.]
[FAINT RUSHING SOUND CONTINUES.]
[RUSHING SOUND INTENSIFIES, KEVIN GASPS.]
Hello? [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hey! Hello! Hey! Can you tell me where we are?! Uh uh Hey! Is this ship called Cayuga?! Aah! [GRUNTS.]
[SHOES SQUEAKING.]
Hey.
Hi.
- Ohh! That is beautiful.
- [LAUGHS.]
So good.
I know.
I actually think it might be better than '95.
Nope.
That will never be beaten.
That's just the way it is.
[SNIFFS.]
Whoa.
You still smell like lime.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh, yeah! [LAUGHS.]
Look at you two, so cozy.
She show you her, uh, weird toe yet? - Kevin! - She did not.
Oh! It's super gross.
You gotta see it.
It's like a tiny, wrinkly old man growing off her foot.
I named him Stan.
You should bust him out, Amy! - You are actually lying.
He's lying.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey! - Hey! You guys are all very celebratory.
- Just happy.
- Hmm.
- Enjoying life.
- Yeah.
Did you guys hear about the big prank at school today? Uh, did I hear about it? I still smell like it.
Yeah.
It came up because of Kevin.
KRISTIN: It was really involved.
Very, very, very sophisticated.
It kind of reminded me of when we were freshman.
You think? I mean, I don't know if it was that good.
Almost seemed like it was planned by the same people.
- Like, sort of, but not - I would never be involved with anything like that, you know, as an officer of the law.
KRISTIN: Sure.
You know, and I also actually noticed that, um, Adam Hargrove suddenly seems very popular.
Good.
For him.
That's good.
- Not so good for you, though.
- What do you mean? Well, you'll never be the cool teacher after today.
Oh! Come on, Kristin.
Being a teacher's not about being cool.
It's about the kids.
Next round's on me.
Kristin, beer? Sure.
Thanks.
Actually, you know what? Uh, I have to work on my lesson plan for tomorrow.
I'm subbing in chemistry.
You can learn all of chemistry in, like, an hour, right? - Uh, no.
- No way.
- No.
- What? You know what? Wanna hang out? Don't worry about me.
Spend time with your friends.
That's what I'm doing.
[LAUGHS.]
Wh I think I found it! It's a crabbing boat off the coast of British Columbia.
[UTENSILS CLANGING.]
British Columbia.
It's a big place, but that's a great start! Okay.
Try this.
Ohh! [SIZZLING.]
Mmm! Wow! That's delicious! It's not the food.
It's the company.
And it's really sweet for you to let me do this.
But you don't have to worry about me, Kevin.
I'll be fine.
You know, if we actually finish this mission When.
When we finish this mission.
- When we finish - There you go.
It's It's not like I'm gonna forget about you.
I mean, you've changed my life.
I mean, sure, people think I'm crazy.
And I get punched a lot more.
And I'm naked in front of strangers a lot more.
But, uh, I'm alive.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
And I'm happy.
And a lot of that is because of you.
You've become very dear to me.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
We should get matching tattoos.
Like, I'll get half a heart on my hand, and you get a half a heart on your hand, and we put it together, and it's, like, BFF's forever! - Bam! - You just You just ruin things.
Just I mean, just Just ruin them.
Ooh! Heads up! [SIZZLING.]
Ow! Ah! Tss! Ooh! That burns! - Ohh.
Oh, that's better.
- Yeah.
Ooh.
- Oh, good.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
God is gonna show you how to find the other righteous and then you'll anoint them with an embrace.
When are you gonna ask Amy out? I'd be very happy to go out on a date with you.
They actually opened a substitute-teacher position.
Seeing as you were so good with my students the other day, I submitted your name.
Oh, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go.
We gotta go! We gotta go! We gotta go! What is wrong? I know where the next righteous person is! - How's that even poss - The Universe! The vision! - Let's go! Now! Let's go.
- Kevin.
Kevin! - Let's go.
Go, go now.
- Oh, oh.
Let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Seriously, it was the strangest, coolest vision yet.
I was at some old temple in Peru.
And there was this golden idol on top of this old pedestal.
But get this the pedestal was booby-trapped.
Ohh.
So I had to do something.
And I had a bag of sand.
And then the princess and I kissed right before the guards yanked me away.
Then she calls out, and she tells me that she loves me.
And I just simply tell her, "I know.
" I know.
So we are struggling.
And I find the ripcord for his parachute, and I and I pull it! And then whoosh! He's goes flying out.
And he's hanging there in midair.
And I grab him by his shirt, and I just growl, "Get off my plane!" Okay.
I have a confession to make.
There was no vision.
Yeah.
Wait.
When did you figure that out? When the one-armed man framed you for the murder of your wife.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Well, I planned us a celebratory dinner in honor of our partnership - and everything that it's led to - Ohh.
namely me getting a new job.
Uh, we also found a righteous person.
- That too.
- Uh-huh.
So tonight, it's just you and me - having a real meal like real people.
- Ohh.
Sop just make yourself visible.
Not a chance.
But that's why we came all the way out here, though.
We're 70 miles from home.
So no one will recognize us.
There's no danger.
And honestly, I'd rather not spend the night as a loon who eats with his invisible friend.
Then we'll eat in silence.
[GROANS.]
Come on! Just tonight.
It'll be so much fun.
I promise.
Plea Ple Yvette, please.
Just one thing for me? Fine! But I'm not gonna have a good time.
[LAUGHING LOUDLY.]
This.
Is.
Incredible! [LAUGHS.]
What'd I tell you? I mean, I haven't been witness to something this breathtaking in In at least 2,000 years! - [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, here we go.
Oh! What! Isn't this the best? Me, a teacher you, a student Us being around each other all day long? Please don't embarrass me.
[SHOUTING.]
I'm sorry, Reese! I can't walk you to class right now! I am a teacher, so I have to go to the Teachers' Lounge.
But I'll see you at snack and recess and lunch, and - WOMAN: Hey! - Ooh, sorry.
Thought that was the Teachers' Lounge.
Does anyone know where the? KEVIN: Gotta admit I like what I'm seeing around here.
Solid Danish selection.
Unlimited refills.
Mm-hmm.
More importantly, how you feeling about your first day? Oh.
Me? Couldn't be better.
Just raring to get out there and touch some kids.
- What? - In their minds.
- Wait.
Is that No.
- Hmm? Did you bring in your own [LAUGHS.]
c-coffee mug? This thing? From a New York City bookstore in New York City, where I used to live? Oh, God.
You're trying to be the "cool teacher," aren't you? - Oh, look.
I'm just being me.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, if that's considered cool, who am I to argue? - [LAUGHS.]
- You know? Well, we, uh, we already have a "cool teacher" here.
Hey, Sean! Hey.
Uh, Come meet Kevin Finn.
He's one of the new substitute teachers.
Hey.
Sean Pelcovitz.
The students call him "The Pelc.
" - Hey.
Cool mug.
- Ahh.
You go to New York a lot? Oh, I-I actually lived there for 15 years.
Not a big deal.
Almost moved there myself after I graduated from Columbia.
Yeah, well, you know, it's a It's a tough city.
- It's not for everyone.
- Totally.
I ended up volunteering in Indonesia for a few years instead, mostly remote villages.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Yeah.
I I once went upstate for a charity - [BELL RINGS.]
- Oh, that's our cue.
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
Great talking, Kevin.
And good luck today.
- I'm sure you'll do great.
- Oh, yeah.
- I know.
- Bye, Sean.
I know that! Boy.
Talk about somebody who tries too hard, huh? Yeesh.
[LAUGHS.]
You're ridiculous.
[CHUCKLES.]
"I'm so worldly and cultured.
" [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
- Oh.
I'm just gonna - Oh.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
Parking was just Ugh.
God.
Um You weren't really waiting long, were you? No, no, no.
Not at all.
Not at all.
You're good.
Um, I just wanted to clarify This isn't actually our first date, is it? No! No, no, no.
Definitely not.
- Okay, good.
- This is just - Just a friendly meal.
- Yes, exactly.
Right.
Because if it were our first date, I mean We would be doing something special.
- And not just breakfast.
- Yeah.
So, do you, um Do you have any ideas? Believe it or not, I do.
Okay.
- Midnight stroll - Okay.
to a picnic under the sky.
I know the perfect place for stargazing this time of year.
Huh.
Um counter-proposal? Go ahead.
- We're already friends, right? - Of course.
So Okay, so we're not necessarily tied to the whole "dinner, drinks, get to know you" kind of date.
We could maybe I don't know Try something more adventurous? More adventurous than Cassiopeia, "Queen of the Night Sky"? I mean, I could bring my telescope, I guess.
No.
I'll think of something.
[MARKER SQUEAKS.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Showtime.
Good morning, fine students of La Salle High School.
My name is Mr.
Finn, and I will be your substitute teacher for the day.
Ms.
O'Neil's norovirus pain has become my gain.
[STUDENT COUGHS.]
So, um "My gain.
" Oh, oh! Also, you change the "I" to a "U," I become Mr.
Funn! [STUDENT COUGHS.]
- Mr.
Funn.
Okay, we - YVETTE: Third row.
Third row.
Passing notes.
Third row, Kevin.
We are going to be making learning funn-nn.
Fun-n.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Okay.
You know what? Let's just, uh Let's see what's first on today's agenda.
Oh.
"Return graded papers to students.
" Please raise your hand when I call your name so that I know who you are.
Lola Jane.
Ah.
You got bonus points for excellent penmanship, so good on you.
Maya Thompson.
Surfing Twitter on a cellphone! Kevin, it's time to confiscate.
Come on, now.
Here you go.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Adam Hargrove? Anyone? Yes.
Lola.
- Adam's over there.
- Thank you.
I will hold onto this until he is back in school.
Um Yes, Lola? I meant to say Adam's sitting over there.
Sitting at his desk.
[CHUCKLES.]
You mean, uh, this empty desk right here? Ahh.
Messing with the substitute teacher.
I get it.
I've done it, okay? Well played.
You really don't see him? KEVIN: Oh! Uh, you must be Adam.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why do you think the boy was invisible to you? Clearly, it was a sign from the Universe, but what does it mean? - [CHUCKLES.]
I really can't do this.
- Of course you can.
It's the first day.
Don't get too discouraged.
No, I can't do this [WHISPERING.]
with you.
- Excuse me? - I'm Hey! You are too much of a distraction.
Look.
Don't blame me for that hacky open-mic material back there, Kevin.
I'm just saying that I-I can't focus on teaching when I'm listening to you half the time.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
I see.
Well, maybe lay low for a while? Uh, hang out somewhere.
Just Just Just during school.
Look.
For the record, there are plenty of other things that I could be doing.
Well, that's great! That's perfect.
You could Y-You could go do that stuff.
And And we can maybe catch up later.
Okay? Well, okay?! B Bye! Oh.
Bye.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Ugh! Ohh.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION.]
Hola, ladies.
What's the good word? Aren't you supposed to be working? Just craving a little lunch hang with my favorite niece.
You guys need any Reese fun facts? Toddler stuff? Her "My Little Pony" phase? I got a lot of dirt.
- I like dirt.
- Yeah? Uh, why don't you guys head off? I'll catch up with you later.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you actually need something, or was this just to torture me? Yes.
I need some info on Adam Hargrove.
And the torture was just a bonus.
Why are you asking about Adam? Because I'm a teacher and I say so.
That's not how teaching works! Okay, whatever.
Do you know him? Are you doing your whole "helping thing" here at school now? [SCOFFS.]
Maybe.
All right.
Adam used to get picked on a lot in middle school.
He's kind of an easy target.
These days, he pretty much just keeps to himself.
Is there any particular place that I can find him? - Check the library? - Hmm.
He spends a lot of time there to avoid the knuckleheads.
Huh.
Eww.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
What? Can you loan me 5 bucks for lunch money? - Oh, my God! - I am so hungry, and I forgot my wallet.
KEVIN: Hey.
Mr.
Finn.
I remember.
I just wanted to apologize for what happened in class earlier.
It's First-day jitters.
Um, but I-I'm really sorry.
- It's fine.
- Well, no, it's not.
Um, couldn't help but notice you're eating lunch all by yourself in the reference section.
It's much better than being picked on and tossed into lockers.
Hm.
Well, maybe I could, uh, help you with that.
Ohh.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Yeah.
N-No, thanks.
But I'm your I'm your teacher.
I'm supposed to help.
You're a substitute.
Look.
I am trying to do this the cool way, as a friend.
But if you won't help me help you, then I'm gonna be forced to go full teacher, because my trouble radar is goin' off.
I'm finding out what's going on here.
But I didn't do anything.
Then you shouldn't have a problem talking to me about it.
Please.
I don't I don't want to get involved with those guys.
I'm just trying to keep my head down.
With what With what With who? With the Freshman Prank.
Ohh.
Tell me more.
Some kids were talking about it in the locker room after gym.
They were bragging about this year's prank.
They swore me to secrecy, but I had nothing to do with it.
I wouldn't do anything like that to Miss Allen.
Kristin? KRISTIN: Well, this is quite the coup.
First day on the job, and you're already taking down the Freshman Prank? Impressive.
What'd you think was gonna happen on my first day, something unimpressive? How did you even find out about this? Oh, you know, I can't reveal my source, Kristin.
[LAUGHS.]
Listen.
I'm just stunned that the man behind one of the greatest Freshman Pranks of all time The greatest.
Legends are still told about how the halls overflowed with stuffing and turkey and gravy and potatoes, a literal cornucopia of wonder on that fateful day in 1995.
And no one will ever top that, so No one will ever get a chance, because you're busting them.
No, I'm not actually busting anyone.
You are.
Wait.
What? Ooh! Kevin! Come on! It's not funny! Come on! Quit messing with - [COW MOOS.]
- me.
Uh, Vince, Gene, who's your friend? Wait.
Is that Whoa! Is this the Freshman Prank?! [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, man.
Could've been a great one, too.
But you guys You got caught! Good pranksters don't get caught.
Later.
Good one.
[COW MOOS.]
Where'd you even get the sweater? - [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Come in.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I came to apologize.
I just found out that I've been put on the swing shift for the next couple of weeks 4:00 to midnight.
So Oh.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I guess our date will have to wait.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I was really looking forward to going out on Whatever type of activity we could mutually agree on at whatever location we found amenable to the both of us.
Yes, me too.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, but at least I know that our town will be safe from 4:00 to midnight.
- Dr.
Cabrera? - Yeah? Okay, well, uh, I'll leave you to it.
Wait! Uh, flowers are for dates.
And I-I just I don't want the first flowers that you ever give me to be apology flowers.
So take 'em.
Just - O-Kay.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[SIZZLING.]
Oh.
Oh.
Y-You don't want to miss the onion volcano, trust me.
Very impressive.
What's your deal? - Excuse me? - I remember you from yesterday.
- You were over the Moon for this.
- [LAUGHS.]
I'm sorry.
You're You're right.
For some reason, it feels different today.
Where's your friend? Work.
He has a new job.
And a life.
And I'm very, very proud of him.
People enjoy things more in a group.
Bring some of your other friends with you next time.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
Thank you all for making this a great first day for me! And just none of you care.
Okay.
Stay wonderful, everyone! Did you find Adam Hargrove? Yep.
- And did you help him? - I did.
I think I really did.
All in all, today has been pretty good.
[BANGING ON GLASS.]
YOUNG MAN: Hey, guys! Let me out! This is not funny! Okay.
Break it up, people! Teacher coming through! - Let me out! - Adam.
Uh, hold on.
I'll I'll get some help.
Hey.
What happened? You.
You happened.
Okay.
Well, why don't we go to the principal I'm not going anywhere with you! You're a substitute that managed to ruin my life in Under six hours.
Just leave me alone.
What? So, Nate and I are in this weird limbo area, where we're not really friends anymore, but we're not dating yet.
Well, go on a date with him.
Get it over with.
We were trying to, before he got put on the swing shift for the next two weeks.
- Ohh.
- Thus, back to limbo.
And I I think I made it weird when he brought me flowers today at work.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
- [SCOFFS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- You're so rude.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Well, look.
If you don't want to be in limbo anymore, then just step out of it.
Surprise him down at the station.
Bring the date to him.
That's actually That's not a bad idea.
Hm.
Thank you.
So what about you? How was your first day at school? Ohh.
I would give myself a solid C-plus.
- Ohh.
- Yeah.
I might have made a fairly significant first-day error.
But I broke up the Freshman Prank.
[GROANS.]
Of course.
The Freshman Prank.
[LAUGHS.]
What's that supposed to mean? Freshman Pranks are stupid.
Well, that's a vast generalization.
All of them.
They are all stupid.
Especially whenever you're involved.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, look.
I am sorry that I didn't include you in the epic, legendary, all-time greatest Freshman Prank of 1995.
But you would've told Mom, so Well, we'll never know, will we? - We will never know.
- And That's the price of being a snitch.
Well, if you wanted it to actually be legendary, then you should've involved me.
Oh, I-I did want it to be legendary, which is why I didn't include you and then why it became legendary.
[GASPS.]
Hey! There you are.
Do you know if they made a movie of this? You sure my being here isn't too much of a distraction for you? Is this you being passive-aggressive? Because your time is is very important.
So I just want to make sure I'm scheduled in properly.
Okay, now, that sounded passive-aggressive.
REESE: Adam was pretty upset this afternoon.
I know.
I, uh, I sort of messed up.
- Hmm.
There's a surprise.
- So how can we fix it? We? Well, I did lead you to him.
What happened to Adam today isn't your fault, Reese.
YVETTE AND REESE: No! It's your fault! Yeah, it doesn't matter whose fault it is.
Maybe he was happier just being invisible.
No, no, no.
He was miserable, okay? But now everyone in the school knows who he is for the wrong reasons.
So how do you change that? Ohh! I can just see that little hamster wheel turning in your head, Kevin.
We let people know who Adam is for the right reason.
Psst.
Hey.
Shh.
You're gonna do the Freshman Prank.
- Oh, my God.
- Keep browsing.
Are Are you even a teacher? I get it.
You're scared.
But it's either this or four more years in the trophy case.
Your choice.
[STERNLY.]
Keep browsing.
This is insane.
You know who else they called insane? Einstein.
Mozart.
Van Gogh.
Van Gogh cut off his own ear.
But he wasn't afraid of change.
Even if I agree, I don't know what to do.
Or how to do what to do.
And I have no friends to help.
That's not true.
- You've got me.
- Oh.
Mastermind of the legendary 1995 Freshman Class Prank.
- Ohh.
- Keep that under wraps.
You look so much older.
Look.
We'll get my old crew back together.
One last time.
One last job.
One last prank.
Including you.
So what do you say, Adam? You in? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Geez! TYLER: All right! Kyle, those potato skins have your name all over 'em.
Well, thank you all for coming.
I know I was, uh, a little mysterious on the phone, but I want you to think back to one of the single, shining moments of our lives.
The birth of my daughter.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Yeah.
Good.
That's a T-That is a good one.
But before that, when we were all together, in high school.
We were on the same "team.
" Not the football team.
You were the only one on the football team.
Think back to 1995.
When the six of us pulled the most spectacular Freshman Prank La Salle High School has ever seen, will ever see.
They still talk about it to this day.
- Who does? - They do, Nate, okay? - They do.
- Mm-hmm.
Sure.
The point is, today we have the opportunity to do it again.
I don't understand.
You want to pull a prank? At the high school? Well, not just a prank.
The second-best prank ever.
Why not the best? Because of ours.
Ours was the best in '95.
And you know why we were so successful? We weren't the smartest.
And we weren't the bravest.
Remember? But we were a team, okay? That prank was the purest example of of camaraderie, of of knowing each other on the deepest, most intimate level.
We were like a machine, working together, one goal, laser-focused.
22 years ago, we made history.
Who wants to make it again? Maybe I should've said it was to help a kid.
Is it? Bonus! This is terrible, Ty.
We can't do a job this big by ourselves.
Yeah, but then it's just you and me splitting the glory pie.
Nate, you cannot shut us down.
Please.
- I'm in.
- What? I'm in for the prank.
Just didn't want to advertise I'm breaking the law.
Nate! Thank you so much! Do not tell Amy.
- What? Why? - She'll narc.
No offense.
KEVIN: Hi! Don't bother to try and talk me out of this.
I'm in deep.
You really think a dumb prank is the way to help this kid? I guarantee it.
We're gonna to do this prank, I'll get my vision, and then we'll be one step closer to finding our righteous person.
You feeling okay? I've come to realize that some day, if we're lucky, you'll complete your mission.
You'll anoint all the righteous.
And we'll be done.
Yeah.
That's the plan.
But I don't think I thought beyond that.
Like, what happens to me? I don't get to go home.
You won't need me.
I'll just [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
I'll just be alone.
KEVIN: Well, that That doesn't sound right.
There's gotta Only other reports of note are Gus Fleeger's neighbor won't turn the TV down and Someone's truck is blocking Sara Gomez's driveway.
Sounds like martial-law time to me.
Handle it as you see fit.
Hey! Are you finished with your shift? Hey.
Yeah.
What are you doing here? Well, I have some takeout from Salvator's, some wine, and my old telescope is in my car.
I thought maybe we could go to the roof and look at the stars Your perfect date.
Oh, my Gosh.
Yes.
Uh, yes, it is.
I mean, I know I know it's I know it's cheesy.
I-I wanted to surprise you.
But it's dumb.
This is dumb.
No, no, no, no, no, no! It's n It's not dumb.
It's It's great.
It's so thoughtful.
And, um, yeah.
I-I'd love to take you up on it.
But you're tired.
I get it.
I totally understand.
- We can do it another time.
- Amy, wait.
What if we tried something a little more adventurous? Let's just thread the hose through here.
Um But that's not close to water.
Where does the water come from? [SIGHS.]
That's not a question that I Like, what do you mean, where does water come from? The faucet.
Duh.
I mean, that's That's a good question.
I don't really know the answer.
Damn.
This is hard.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- There's Nate.
I'll get him.
I thought you were good at this.
You know what, Adam? - [DOOR OPENS.]
- So did I.
I cannot believe that you're doing this prank! Teaming up with a juvenile and breaking into the high school?! - [GROANS.]
- Who does that sort of thing?! What is wrong with you people?! And why am I not a part of this prank? Because you'll ruin it.
- Really? - Yeah.
- [SCOFFS.]
- What? That'll never work.
- Well, I wasn't done - Okay, well Mm-hmm.
Put the school here.
[GROANS.]
This'll work.
Fine.
You're on the crew, okay? Good! Now, who is ready to pull off the greatest Freshman Prank in school history? Second-greatest.
Um, Mr.
Finn? Hmm? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
I'm feeling kinda weird about this.
Why? I'm planning a prank with a mom, a police officer, and my teacher.
- And a waiter.
- Just trust me.
This needs to happen, okay? You'll thank me when it's over.
- Okay.
- Okay.
In order for this plan to work, everything must be executed perfectly, okay? Everyone has a role.
Phase One begins with you, Nate.
You are our lookout.
You will arrive first and immediately distract school security.
It's a little on the nose, right? I mean, because I'm a cop, you think I can handle a security guard? No.
I think you can handle the security guard because it's Becky Simpson.
- Oh.
- What? She's cute.
Yeah, I know, and she's always had a thing for you, so it should be easy.
Look.
I'm not worried about distracting her.
I'm worried that once I really decide to turn on the charm, there'll be no turning back.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
I think I'll take my chances.
At the end of the night, I could basically be married.
Just making sure that's what you want for our first real date.
Ohh! You took my advice.
How's the date going? It was going great.
But now I don't know.
- Nate's kind of being a wuss.
- Hey, your funeral.
That you, Becky? What a pleasant surprise.
[GASPS.]
- Aaah! Aaah! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! AMY: And while Nate turns on the charm, we begin Phase Two.
Tyler, Kevin said that you broke in to the locked school in '95.
They called me "The Grease Man.
" I snuck into the air-conditioning ducts here, unlocked the doors there.
You ready to do that again? Damn right I am.
Really get the shoulders so they don't get stuck.
Thought that "Grease Man" was just a heist term.
Me too.
Don't think so.
'Kay.
I'm all lubed up.
Ready to slip 'n' slide.
AMY: Good luck! [GRUNTS.]
Guys, I think they made the ducts smaller.
Can you give me a shove? [GRUNTING.]
It's narrow in here.
KEVIN: All right.
Meet me at the double doors.
- Okay.
- TYLER: Oh, wait! I'm stuck again! Never mind.
Wiggled out.
We're good! KEVIN: Okay.
- [GRUNTING.]
- I am so, so sorry.
Let me see.
Open your eyes.
[GROANS.]
Oh, they They look good.
Totally normal and good.
You know what? I'm gonna go get a first-aid kit inside, just to be safe.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I'll be fine.
I'll be fine.
We'll just let those tears do their work.
You sure? You look really great in your uniform.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh! Thank you! Do you think Tyler's stuck? You know, maybe we should call this off.
No! No.
Tyler has never let me down, ever.
AMY: Okay.
Except maybe once or twice, but not this time.
Just trust me, okay? [DOOR RATTLING.]
- Come - Yes! It's such a bummer that your eyes are burning, because the sky is so beautiful tonight.
You sure I can't get you anything? If it's not too much trouble, I think there's some water in my cruiser.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- [GASPS.]
I'll get your water.
I'll be back.
AMY: Okay, guys.
Now that we're in, we gotta move fast.
We got one more big decision to make, okay? What classroom are we going to? - People, people, people! - What, what, what? - Who is our target? - Oh, come on! It's so obvious! - Mr.
Pelcovitz.
- Mr.
Pelc? - Yeah.
- Why? Why not? Look at the guy.
He t-thinks he's better than everyone else.
- TYLER: Really? - Yeah.
He comes in every Tuesday for breakfast.
He seems really nice.
Yeah, he Seems nice.
Thinks he's better than you.
In fact, he said, "I'm better than Tyler.
" - Oh, that's uncalled for.
- Yeah.
Exactly.
- So it's decided then? - Yes, yes.
- Mr.
Pelc's going down? - Yes, let's go.
Let's go.
Nathan Purcell.
Did you bring all this stuff here for me? Uh, yes.
Yes, I did.
Hey, uh Feel like having a picnic under the stars? You actually look like you're having fun.
Honestly, I'm as surprised as you are.
You know, this sort of fun doesn't happen when you're off hiding alone all the time.
Just saying.
[LAUGHS.]
This is great, Mr.
Finn.
You're actually pretty cool.
I'm really cool.
Can you please tell everyone? Okay.
Our work here is done.
It just needs to set.
So let's go.
Uh, where's the ladder? Uh What Uh, Amy! We're trapped in here! No.
No, no.
No, you're not.
Just use the ladder - a-and go up to the ceiling panels.
- Amy.
Okay.
You, um You're trapped in there.
But don't panic.
Tyler and I are gonna figure something out, okay? - Just don't panic! - We're not panicking! Hey, it's time to panic, okay? ADAM: Yeah.
I'm way ahead of you.
Here.
Let me give you a boost.
- What about you? - I'm gonna be fine.
Don't worry about me.
Just go ahead to the others.
[GRUNTING.]
I'll figure something out.
That looks good.
Nice and sturdy.
I slipped.
On a wet marshmallow.
Mm-hmm.
So I see.
I know I'm not supposed to be here, so No, no, no! That's okay.
You know what? New policy.
You can come to my work whenever.
Whenever you want.
Or anytime I go anywhere, really.
Just in case.
Can you help me get out of here? [DMX'S "PARTY UP IN HERE" PLAYS.]
Whoo! Y'all gonna make me lose my mind - [ALL LAUGHING.]
- Up in here, up in here - Y'all gonna make me go all out - Second-best prank ever! - Up in here, up in here - AMY: What a team! We all played our part.
Oh, my God! We forgot Nate! I know this isn't technically a date, but this is the best date I've been on in years.
Yeah, it is.
It could just Get a little better.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Oh, no.
No donuts on my watch! B.
R.
B.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
AMY: Nate! Where you been?! Hurry up! Pack it up! Before Kevin wrecks my car.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Good first date? Yeah.
You? The best! - [BOTH LAUGH.]
- Come on.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
How's everything looking? T-minus three minutes.
Okay, okay.
I want to tell you I jazzed up your prank a little.
What'd you do? Wait for it.
[LAUGHS.]
Ohh! This is gonna be so good.
- Call it off.
- What? We need to stop the prank, now.
Adam.
Adam, Adam, Adam.
What are you talking about? We can't call it off.
This is happening.
And it's gonna be great, and you're not gonna get in trouble.
I don't care about getting in trouble! I don't wanna prank anyone.
But think about what this is gonna do for your life, okay? You are gonna be a legend.
I don't wanna be mean to someone just so I feel better about myself.
[GROANS.]
It's a joke.
It's a joke! It happens every year.
Pelc will love it.
Pelc will eventually love it.
Last night Might have been the best night of my life.
But I don't want to be that guy that just stomps all over someone just to get ahead.
I'm calling it off.
[GROANS.]
Okay.
Okay.
You know what? - I-I respect your decision.
- Okay.
Thanks.
Sorry.
I-I know you're real proud of your prank.
Well.
Well, it's all right.
YOUNG WOMAN: Hey, Mr.
Pelc.
- I've gotta stop him! - No, no, no.
Hey, no, no, no.
He knows you, okay? - That's not an option.
- Mr.
Finn! Um What do we do? Uh - [WHIMPERS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Okay.
Just take out your phone.
- What?! - Take it out and start recording, okay? - No.
Don't worry.
I've got your back.
All right? Here.
Hold this for a second.
Hey! Hey, there, Mr.
Pelc.
Let me help you there.
Looks like you got your hands full.
Yeah, thanks.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[ARIA PLAYS.]
[STIFLED LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHTER.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Oh my God.
Reese, could you help me up? - YOUNG WOMAN: Is that your uncle? - No.
[COW MOOS.]
[GASPS.]
[COW MOOS.]
Jazzed up.
Okay.
What is this? Is [GASPS.]
- Looks like Jell-O to me.
- Kevin? Hey! Freshman Prank.
I think.
They went all-out this year.
KRISTIN: Ohh! Wait.
Did you get all that? Um, y-yeah.
No way, dude! You gotta send that to me! Remind me to give you my cell.
Hey.
Let me see it.
Uh, wow.
Yeah, we should just take you out back and hose you down.
Um Oh, there's a cherry.
Ugh! I just friended you.
You have to find me at lunch so we can show everybody.
Dude, you got, like, the whole thing.
It's like you were waiting for it.
Wait.
Wait.
Did you do this? Uh YOUNG MAN: What's your name? Adam.
Thank you.
[STUDENTS GASP.]
Thought you'd need some caffeine to get you going after last night, but You're taking your car apart.
So Wow.
- This is relaxing for me.
- Yeah.
No.
[LAUGHS.]
So, what happened with the prank? I don't know! Kevin's not responding to my texts, and, well, Reese can't have her cellphone out at school, so - Maybe it didn't work.
- That prank was flawless.
It worked.
So, uh, I only got nine text messages - from Becky this morning.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yes.
That was some solid flirting on your part.
Brought your "A" game.
Congratulations.
That was the weirdest first date I ever had.
Thank you.
So, just to confirm, this right here Not a date? You know what? It is.
- Really? - Yeah.
I would've worn a better shirt.
From now on, it's all a date.
All things are a date.
Deal? Now it's a date.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
[FAINT RUSHING SOUND.]
[FAINT RUSHING SOUND CONTINUES.]
[RUSHING SOUND INTENSIFIES, KEVIN GASPS.]
Hello? [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hey! Hello! Hey! Can you tell me where we are?! Uh uh Hey! Is this ship called Cayuga?! Aah! [GRUNTS.]
[SHOES SQUEAKING.]
Hey.
Hi.
- Ohh! That is beautiful.
- [LAUGHS.]
So good.
I know.
I actually think it might be better than '95.
Nope.
That will never be beaten.
That's just the way it is.
[SNIFFS.]
Whoa.
You still smell like lime.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh, yeah! [LAUGHS.]
Look at you two, so cozy.
She show you her, uh, weird toe yet? - Kevin! - She did not.
Oh! It's super gross.
You gotta see it.
It's like a tiny, wrinkly old man growing off her foot.
I named him Stan.
You should bust him out, Amy! - You are actually lying.
He's lying.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey! - Hey! You guys are all very celebratory.
- Just happy.
- Hmm.
- Enjoying life.
- Yeah.
Did you guys hear about the big prank at school today? Uh, did I hear about it? I still smell like it.
Yeah.
It came up because of Kevin.
KRISTIN: It was really involved.
Very, very, very sophisticated.
It kind of reminded me of when we were freshman.
You think? I mean, I don't know if it was that good.
Almost seemed like it was planned by the same people.
- Like, sort of, but not - I would never be involved with anything like that, you know, as an officer of the law.
KRISTIN: Sure.
You know, and I also actually noticed that, um, Adam Hargrove suddenly seems very popular.
Good.
For him.
That's good.
- Not so good for you, though.
- What do you mean? Well, you'll never be the cool teacher after today.
Oh! Come on, Kristin.
Being a teacher's not about being cool.
It's about the kids.
Next round's on me.
Kristin, beer? Sure.
Thanks.
Actually, you know what? Uh, I have to work on my lesson plan for tomorrow.
I'm subbing in chemistry.
You can learn all of chemistry in, like, an hour, right? - Uh, no.
- No way.
- No.
- What? You know what? Wanna hang out? Don't worry about me.
Spend time with your friends.
That's what I'm doing.
[LAUGHS.]
Wh I think I found it! It's a crabbing boat off the coast of British Columbia.
[UTENSILS CLANGING.]
British Columbia.
It's a big place, but that's a great start! Okay.
Try this.
Ohh! [SIZZLING.]
Mmm! Wow! That's delicious! It's not the food.
It's the company.
And it's really sweet for you to let me do this.
But you don't have to worry about me, Kevin.
I'll be fine.
You know, if we actually finish this mission When.
When we finish this mission.
- When we finish - There you go.
It's It's not like I'm gonna forget about you.
I mean, you've changed my life.
I mean, sure, people think I'm crazy.
And I get punched a lot more.
And I'm naked in front of strangers a lot more.
But, uh, I'm alive.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
And I'm happy.
And a lot of that is because of you.
You've become very dear to me.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
We should get matching tattoos.
Like, I'll get half a heart on my hand, and you get a half a heart on your hand, and we put it together, and it's, like, BFF's forever! - Bam! - You just You just ruin things.
Just I mean, just Just ruin them.
Ooh! Heads up! [SIZZLING.]
Ow! Ah! Tss! Ooh! That burns! - Ohh.
Oh, that's better.
- Yeah.
Ooh.