Kickin' It (2011) s01e11 Episode Script

I didn't get any sleep, but it was worth it.
I am the proud owner of "Kung fu cop '77.
" Nice! I know what you have to go through when there's a hot new game on the market.
I had to wait two hours when "French horn hero" Came out.
There was a line for "French horn hero"? No, there was a line of jocks waiting to see who was gonna buy it.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Kim.
Yo, Eddie, I heard Stacy wiseman in your gym class.
Really likes you.
She likes me? I'm gonna ask her out.
Do you even know who she is? No, but she's a girl and that's my type.
Don't ask me how I know, 'cause I'm not revealing my sources.
Let's just say I know people.
I'm dialed in.
He accidentally walked into the girls' bathroom and heard her talking.
Whatever, Kim.
My point is I had my ear to the ground.
You had your ear to the ground because security tackled you for being in the girls' bathroom.
Whoa, Kim, that necklace is the ugliest, Creepiest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Can I have it? No, you can't have it.
My aunt francie gave me some of her jewelry from the '70s.
She's staying with us.
So I have to wear it.
She calls this necklace "The dragon's eye" and says it has magical powers.
That's pretty cool.
She also says she's engaged to the Paul revere statue at the library.
Oh.
All right, time for gym class.
- I'm gonna show Stacy wiseman what I've got.
N- Yeah.
My mom says I'm not gonna have these legs forever, Well, I got to first with Stacy wiseman.
I told you my sources were right.
Not exactly.
We were playing softball.
I asked her out, and she hit me with first base.
Turns out she likes Steve Hubbard.
That's the guy who stole my bike.
Why do girls always go for bad boys? Because sometimes they give them bikes that used to belong to other people.
Okay, everyone, I've not shaved in over a month.
Behold my full-blown manstache.
My aunt Connie has a thicker manstache.
Aw, it's cute like a little moldy shoelace.
Cute? This is the same mustache that Bobby Wasabi has.
It really started bushing out when I tried this.
Dr.
Follicle's hair fertilizer.
Is the beard and mustache grower endorsed by lumber Jacks, Bikers and rabbis.
Wow.
Those three groups usually don't agree on anything.
Jack? Jack! Sorry.
I was up all night playing "Kung fu cop '77.
" You go back in time with Bobby and play a bell-bottomed superfreak.
Last night I took out eight ninjas with one disco ball.
Wait.
So now you haven't slept for two nights in a row? So what? Let's spar, Milton.
Holy Christmas nuts.
I don't know what just happened, but I think I just became a man! I've gotta call my father.
Jack, go to my office, lie down and take a nap.
Rudy, I'm fine.
Tell him, Eddie.
No, I'm Jerry, the good-looking one.
Jack, I'm not gonna let you spar.
It'd be dangerous.
I'm telling you, just go to my office.
Rudy, you can't tell me what to do.
I can in this dojo.
I'm your Sensei, And I'm telling you to go lie down.
Fine, but while I'm in there, I Hope nothing happens to your secret stash of cashews.
How did you know about my secret stash of Oh, the cashews? Help yourself.
Whoa.
"Kung fu cop '77.
" It's the movie the game is based on.
Wide awake, Rudy.
Not taking a nap.
Gonna watch a movie.
It was the summer of '77.
A wave of crime swept the city.
Like a giant broom of crime.
The only thing that could save the city was a kung fu cop.
And his new hardheaded rookie partner.
Get up, hair bag! Eddie? It's chief Eddie to you.
If I wanted to stare at a longhaired Bucket of drool, I'd go home and wake up my wife.
Now come with me.
My number-one kung fu cop is waiting outside.
It's time for him to meet his new hardheaded rookie partner.
Why are you always shouting? It's the '70s.
Everything's loud.
Look at your shirt.
See that? Loud! There's Wasabi now.
Bobby, this is your new partner.
- This kid's my new partner?N- Yeah.
I'm a butt kicker, not a babysitter.
I don't need a babysitter, pops.
Who you calling pops? I'm old enough to be your father.
Oh, I see.
That actually makes sense.
Come on, punk.
You want a piece of this? Yeah, I do.
Maybe it's time somebody put you in your place.
- Let's dance.
N- Come on.
Whoa whoa! Back off, both of you.
This is a police dojo, not a disco.
You two better figure out a way to work together.
I'm going to lunch.
I said lunch! You just stay out of my way, rookie.
You stay out of mine, old man.
My name is snowflake Jones, And I've been robbed.
Hello, snowflake.
You've come to the right place.
I'll help you.
My name's Jack.
Check out my hair.
Usually I don't trust the fuzz, but I'm digging your vibe.
I Hope you keep digging, 'cause under this vibe is a layer of groove.
Ugh! Are you done, love train? I'll help this helpless kitten who lost her mitten.
This kitten has claws.
Hi-yah! So how can we help you, ma'am? I can take care of myself, man.
I don't need your jive time muscles.
I need your badges.
Someone broke into my pad and stole my dragon's eye necklace.
Well, we dig.
What does your necklace look like, sister? Whoa whoa, hold on, rookie.
Let me show you how it's done.
What does your necklace look like, Sister? Gold link chain, round pendant with a dragon's eye in the middle.
My aunt gave it to me and said whoever wears that necklace.
Holds great power.
A necklace like that falls into the wrong hands, it'd be a bad scene.
One, its owner could use it to take over the world, Two, it may not go good with their outfit.
Okay, we'll take the case.
No, you won't.
Come on, chief, the snowflake needs us.
We can't let that dragon's eye get into the wrong hands.
I'm not sending you on a wild goose Chase, Not when a wild goose just busted out of the zoo, And I need you to Chase it.
Just stay away from that dragon's eye case or it'll mean your badges.
Oh, wow, this is good.
I'll find the necklace myself.
I thought you two had nunchucks.
Oh, we got nunchucks, sister.
I don't care if our jobs are on the line.
This stone-cold fox needs our help.
- We're in.
N- Hold on, punk.
I'm in charge here, and we're not in unless I say we're in.
- We're in.
N- Groovy, baby.
If we're gonna fight crime, we need some theme music.
For once, you're right.
Let me take a shot at this.
Now that's a groove I can boogie to.
This is the loose lips diner.
It's where all the snitches hang out.
I heard about this place.
They got a really far out secret sauce.
It's just ketchup and mayonnaise with a hint of paprika, But you didn't hear it from me.
That's la Boca.
If somebody took your dragon's eye necklace, He'll know.
I'll get this bird to sing.
Come on, baby, who's a good birdie? Get out of the way.
La Boca.
La Boca, I know you know what I wanna know.
And I want you to know that I know it, you know? No.
Okay, la Boca, are you gonna play along.
Or is my partner here gonna have to throw the book at you? I didn't bring my throwing book.
I thought you were gonna bring yours.
What are you doing, mami? Listen, sucka, if my dragon's eye necklace falls into the wrong hands, The whole world can be in danger.
Can you dig it? Okay, okay, let me down, muscle mama, And I'll tell you what I know.
Okay, there's a hot new club downtown called "The school.
" Word on the street is someone's been flashing your necklace around there.
- Let's go.
N- Wait! There's more.
Once I start snitching, I can't stop.
You don't have to wait an hour after you eat to go swimming.
And the tooth fairy is actually just your La-la-la la-la! Get in the car, la Boca.
We need you take us to "The school.
" Okay, but I'm gonna try and escape at the first stoplight.
Dang! Why do I love snitching so much? Wow! The schoolhouse rocks.
Who are all these cats here to see? The hero with a french horn Milty moondust.
He can blow notes that sound like a walrus passing gas in a steel drum.
My old lady makes the same sound.
When she bends over to pick up the newspaper.
Today's headline "Clear the room.
" Hello, earthlings.
I bring you an interstellar groove.
Look around, snowflake.
Do you see your necklace? There's a lot of fly neck candy, But I don't see the dragon's eye anywhere.
Hello! Trying to rock the house here.
I don't come to your house and interrupt you.
During your groovy french horn solos.
Can it, spaceboy.
This is an important police investigation.
We're looking for the dragon's eye necklace.
Oh.
Well, in that case, The show's over.
Rock and roll! Stupid sexy shoes.
Let's get him! Okay, milty, spill it.
What are you hiding? I can't hide anything.
I'm in spandex.
- He won't talk.
N- Won't he? Sure would be horrible if something bad happened to your horn.
Fine, I'll talk.
I saw a dude with your necklace.
He asked me to play a private gig later at his lava lamp factory.
- If you know what's good for youN- I do.
Vitamin c, eight hours of sleep and leafy vegetables.
Let me finish.
If you know what's good for you, you'll take us there.
Oh, that.
Yeah, sure.
To my spaceship.
And by spaceship, I mean my sister's bike.
I gotta ask.
Was your partner really wasted by a french horn? It was actually a violin, But the french horn was pulling the strings.
Well, well, well, Look what the Cat dragged in.
- Chief Eddie?N- I told you two not to take this case, But you didn't listen, did you? Chief, you're the evil mastermind? Chief permanently off-duty.
I got your necklace.
You know why? 'cause I'm a bad boy.
You're bad all right, and I don't mean bad meaning good, Like the kids have recently begun to say.
This necklace gave me the power.
To get everything I ever wanted Money, women, cars.
And my falcon Toto.
Give it up, Eddie.
It's a stuffed pigeon.
You've got something that belongs.
To this foxy mama.
You just made my mood ring turn red.
Do you mind? Battling an evil mastermind here.
We want the dragon's eye and we want it now! You mean this? I don't think so.
Turquoise, coco, you're about to see.
Big daddy take care of some business.
Wasabi! Would you stop playing? They can't fight to that.
Bobby! Jack! Hi-yah! Snowflake, you ever think of joining the force? That's not my bag, man.
This is one chick that can't be caged.
Not bad for a rookie.
Pretty good for an old man.
When you two are done playing patty-cake, Eddie's getting away with my necklace.
Hi-yah! Give it up, Eddie.
Hand over the necklace.
If I can't have the dragon's eye, no one can.
Is it just me or is that thing falling really slow? Jack, it's too dangerous.
That pipe won't hold your weight.
I know what I'm doing.
Jack, I'm in charge, and I order you off that pipe.
No one tells me what to do.
Whoa! Oh, man.
He's falling slow, too.
I should have listened! I should have listened! I should have listened!N- Jack, Jack, wake up.
I just had the craziest dream.
You were there and you were there, And you were there.
We all had really bad hair.
Except for you, Kim.
Your hair looked kind of pretty.
Uh, thanks, I guess.
Whoa, that's weird.
My mood ring just turned red.
What? My aunt gave it to me with the necklace.
Where is your necklace? I lost it.
She's gonna freak out.
Jack, you feeling any better now that you got some sleep? Yeah, you were right.
I didn't mean to disrespect you.
I was just tired.
It's cool.
I'm just glad you got a little rest.
Kim, I found your necklace over at falafel Phil's.
- Thanks.
N- And the weirdest thing I just bumped into Stacy wiseman, and she asked me out.
Maybe Kim's necklace does have magical powers.
Come on, guys, it's just a necklace.
It can't have magical powers, right? I'm gonna go home.
I think I may need some more sleep.
See you guys.
Yeah, I'm out of here too, guys.
I'm gonna return Dr.
Follicle's rip-off hair grower.
It's not working, huh? Oh, it's working everywhere but my face.
Oh!