Metalocalypse (2006) s01e11 Episode Script
Skwisklok
Dethklok traveled to the Gulf of New Guinea to Krangor Island known for containing the majority of the world's nuclear waste.
The islanders that have been transformed by the waste welcomed the band who was there to give this very special message.
We have liberated your island from you your island that was once a nuclear nuclear testing facility that has in turn tragically disfigured you all into ugly horrible-Iooking mutants.
And we now decree your island the Dethklok home for wayward kitties.
Release the kitties.
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ It's the end of the fiscal year and Dethklok, as predicted is scrambling to donate as much as they can to various charities to get tax breaks.
We're trying to track their spending but it's just too difficult.
They've gotten smart and found ways to erase their paper trail.
On the surface, it appears they're doing everything by the book.
What else? The most confusing thing to us is this young man present at Dethklok's recent public appearance.
What do we know about him? He's been in and out of foster homes for the last 14 years of his life and now is very close to Dethklok.
They call him Fat Kid, or Fatty.
Is Dethklok making too much money? Well, to some, that would be a rather comfortable problem.
As the tax season draws to a close, the biggest band in showbiz Well, they're right.
We did it again.
We made too much money.
So, I'm going to need you guys to pay extra special attention today because we're going to have to My God.
These things are amazing.
Check it out.
I'm an eye doctor.
Can you please give me the laser pointer? It does not belong to you.
- Hey, wait your turn.
- Hey, point that into my eyes again.
It's awesome! Point the laser beams at my too eye.
Oh! Cool.
Dude, check it out.
If you press really hard on your eyes, it's awesome, dude.
Awesome! Yeah! But checks this out.
I can force all the bloods to my face and gives myself a real cool blowjob! That's what I'm talking about! He means nose bleed, not blowjob.
Idiot.
That's great.
Couple of things about the charity event real quick now.
First, I'm sorry.
Who is that fat kid? Don't play dumb.
You know who that is.
I have no idea who that is.
Who the hell is that? Hello.
That's our son.
Yeah, we adopted him for charity.
- I'm sorry, how is that for charity? - That we are his foster fathers.
What do you mean? That's for charity Right? No, Nathan.
That's not donating money to organizations.
That's That doesn't help our tax situation.
Seriously?! Yeah.
Can you give him back? Hey, that's a crappy thing to say, but, no, I don't think we can.
We tried.
Well Let's talk about the big show.
You guys are performing at the United Celebrities Of The World Foundation with the London Philharmonic.
Kind of a big deal.
London Philharmonic.
The donation will go to pharmaceutical research.
What kind of pharmaceutical research? Well, I'm not sure.
It doesn't say.
Have those guys cured anything? No, it says here.
No.
They have not.
Shouldn't they have cured at least one disease? Well, it doesn't matter.
If you want to keep your money, you do this show.
That makes more sense.
Just say that from now on.
We'll do it if we have a big laser light show thing at whatever that thing is you're talking about.
That's fine.
The more expensive this thing is, the more you can write off.
Then let's have a laser-light show then, OK? I just said it was fine.
Well, then let's still do that.
Hey.
We got a lot of work to do.
Can you please contain your son? Oh, my son! He's your son, too! That's impossible.
He gots no regamblence to me.
He's not supposed to, douche bag.
He's adopted! I thought we agreed to never tell him he's adopsted.
Dudes, what the hell is wrong with this guy? He can't stand still.
Maybe he gots to go outside and goes to the b-a-s-t-h-r-o-h-m-n-s-e.
Hey, fatty ding dong you want to take it easy on the horsing around?! Your daddies gotta rehearse for a charity event.
Do you know what a charity event is? Damn it! Get that fat little son of a bitch! Don't kill him! Leave him alone! He's my son! I'm not, you idiot! I'm using hug therapy.
I read somewhere it's supposed to calm 'em down.
Oh, dear sweet Lord.
I think he just used the restroom in his shorts.
- I guess he did have to go outside.
- No, Fatty.
No going to the bathroom inside! Only outside! There's gotta be a better way to calm him down.
This is rather unorthodox, I should tell you.
When I was a kid, we had a dog.
He was a real rascally goofball.
And, well, you know, we neutered him.
So, that seemed to do the trick.
So, you know, what do you do? You may not have to actually neuter him.
Maybe it's his diet.
What are you feeding him? Hankboirgers, you know.
Popsicle, you know.
Regular stuff.
Chocolate.
You know, he loves chocolate.
Lots of He has chocolate bunny rabbits.
He eats off the ears first, you know.
If you gave him something with a little less sugar, maybe he'd calm down.
Oh, but he loves eating that crap.
What are we We can't just take that away from him.
What are we - Nazis? You know, we'll neuter him.
You know, OK, fine.
Fine.
No, it's fine.
All right, I'll do it.
Fine.
Great.
Thank you, Doctor.
Hey, goofball, look who's all neutered.
You are! Yeah, you're neutered, goofball.
Yeah.
Who's a neutered guy?! He's scrambling away.
Get him! Mamma mia! You know, I'm starting to get sick of this fatherhoods thing.
And why are we the ones that always get stuck feeding his fat ass? I think they racist or something.
Well, it's not supposed to be easy, Toki.
Eat your food, fatty ding dong because daddies going to take you to the charity show to sees daddies play.
He's not listening.
I don't know, Toki.
Fatherhood is a strange bird.
So much responsibility and what are the rewards? I suppose I feel a sense of pride knowing I help raise him.
So, there's that.
Here's a bucket of hankboirgers and a couple of big gulps and crap, you fat tits! Try not to choke, you fat tub of We loves you.
The biggest charity event thus far in the history of the world.
The United Celebrities Foundation event starring Dethklok with special guests the London Philharmonic.
Experts say they will raise an estimated $20 million from this night alone.
That's a fun laser beam, pal.
~ I want to keep my money ~ ~ And give away absolutely nothing ~ ~ To the government ~ ~ Who regulates my spending and obliterates depending ~ ~ On what time of the year Brutality is near ~ ~ In the form of income tax ~ Well, Fatty that's was not great back there how you killed an entire orchestra.
Looks cool, but it does not reflects on us very well.
Fatty ding dongs, we's would likes to have a word with you fathers to son.
Now, we know it's totally your fault that the London Philharmonic was sliced in half by a laser beam.
And we know that you're sorry.
We know that.
But I guess I guess we'd kind of hoped that you'd use better judgment, you know.
You know, and as your fathers, we like to Oh, he ate my shoes, the little bastard! He ate my Civil War shoes! They are irreplaceable Civil War shoes, you fat son of a bitch! Guys, I know he's our son but we can't keep doing this.
I think I know what you are all trying to say.
I think we have to build a space helicopter.
Well, that's impossible.
But I think I may have a better idea.
Look.
There he goes.
He is free finally.
That fat beautiful sons of a bitch will be better off there.
Oh, he'll be fine.
He's fat.
~ I want to keep my money ~ ~ And give away absolutely nothing ~ ~ To the government ~ ~ Who regulates my spending And obliterates depending ~ ~ On what time of the year Brutality is near ~ ~ In the form of income tax ~ ~ I'd rather take an ax ~ ~ To my face Blow up this place ~ ~ With you all in it I'd do it in a minute ~ ~ if I could write off your murder ~ ~ I'd save all of my receipts ~
The islanders that have been transformed by the waste welcomed the band who was there to give this very special message.
We have liberated your island from you your island that was once a nuclear nuclear testing facility that has in turn tragically disfigured you all into ugly horrible-Iooking mutants.
And we now decree your island the Dethklok home for wayward kitties.
Release the kitties.
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ It's the end of the fiscal year and Dethklok, as predicted is scrambling to donate as much as they can to various charities to get tax breaks.
We're trying to track their spending but it's just too difficult.
They've gotten smart and found ways to erase their paper trail.
On the surface, it appears they're doing everything by the book.
What else? The most confusing thing to us is this young man present at Dethklok's recent public appearance.
What do we know about him? He's been in and out of foster homes for the last 14 years of his life and now is very close to Dethklok.
They call him Fat Kid, or Fatty.
Is Dethklok making too much money? Well, to some, that would be a rather comfortable problem.
As the tax season draws to a close, the biggest band in showbiz Well, they're right.
We did it again.
We made too much money.
So, I'm going to need you guys to pay extra special attention today because we're going to have to My God.
These things are amazing.
Check it out.
I'm an eye doctor.
Can you please give me the laser pointer? It does not belong to you.
- Hey, wait your turn.
- Hey, point that into my eyes again.
It's awesome! Point the laser beams at my too eye.
Oh! Cool.
Dude, check it out.
If you press really hard on your eyes, it's awesome, dude.
Awesome! Yeah! But checks this out.
I can force all the bloods to my face and gives myself a real cool blowjob! That's what I'm talking about! He means nose bleed, not blowjob.
Idiot.
That's great.
Couple of things about the charity event real quick now.
First, I'm sorry.
Who is that fat kid? Don't play dumb.
You know who that is.
I have no idea who that is.
Who the hell is that? Hello.
That's our son.
Yeah, we adopted him for charity.
- I'm sorry, how is that for charity? - That we are his foster fathers.
What do you mean? That's for charity Right? No, Nathan.
That's not donating money to organizations.
That's That doesn't help our tax situation.
Seriously?! Yeah.
Can you give him back? Hey, that's a crappy thing to say, but, no, I don't think we can.
We tried.
Well Let's talk about the big show.
You guys are performing at the United Celebrities Of The World Foundation with the London Philharmonic.
Kind of a big deal.
London Philharmonic.
The donation will go to pharmaceutical research.
What kind of pharmaceutical research? Well, I'm not sure.
It doesn't say.
Have those guys cured anything? No, it says here.
No.
They have not.
Shouldn't they have cured at least one disease? Well, it doesn't matter.
If you want to keep your money, you do this show.
That makes more sense.
Just say that from now on.
We'll do it if we have a big laser light show thing at whatever that thing is you're talking about.
That's fine.
The more expensive this thing is, the more you can write off.
Then let's have a laser-light show then, OK? I just said it was fine.
Well, then let's still do that.
Hey.
We got a lot of work to do.
Can you please contain your son? Oh, my son! He's your son, too! That's impossible.
He gots no regamblence to me.
He's not supposed to, douche bag.
He's adopted! I thought we agreed to never tell him he's adopsted.
Dudes, what the hell is wrong with this guy? He can't stand still.
Maybe he gots to go outside and goes to the b-a-s-t-h-r-o-h-m-n-s-e.
Hey, fatty ding dong you want to take it easy on the horsing around?! Your daddies gotta rehearse for a charity event.
Do you know what a charity event is? Damn it! Get that fat little son of a bitch! Don't kill him! Leave him alone! He's my son! I'm not, you idiot! I'm using hug therapy.
I read somewhere it's supposed to calm 'em down.
Oh, dear sweet Lord.
I think he just used the restroom in his shorts.
- I guess he did have to go outside.
- No, Fatty.
No going to the bathroom inside! Only outside! There's gotta be a better way to calm him down.
This is rather unorthodox, I should tell you.
When I was a kid, we had a dog.
He was a real rascally goofball.
And, well, you know, we neutered him.
So, that seemed to do the trick.
So, you know, what do you do? You may not have to actually neuter him.
Maybe it's his diet.
What are you feeding him? Hankboirgers, you know.
Popsicle, you know.
Regular stuff.
Chocolate.
You know, he loves chocolate.
Lots of He has chocolate bunny rabbits.
He eats off the ears first, you know.
If you gave him something with a little less sugar, maybe he'd calm down.
Oh, but he loves eating that crap.
What are we We can't just take that away from him.
What are we - Nazis? You know, we'll neuter him.
You know, OK, fine.
Fine.
No, it's fine.
All right, I'll do it.
Fine.
Great.
Thank you, Doctor.
Hey, goofball, look who's all neutered.
You are! Yeah, you're neutered, goofball.
Yeah.
Who's a neutered guy?! He's scrambling away.
Get him! Mamma mia! You know, I'm starting to get sick of this fatherhoods thing.
And why are we the ones that always get stuck feeding his fat ass? I think they racist or something.
Well, it's not supposed to be easy, Toki.
Eat your food, fatty ding dong because daddies going to take you to the charity show to sees daddies play.
He's not listening.
I don't know, Toki.
Fatherhood is a strange bird.
So much responsibility and what are the rewards? I suppose I feel a sense of pride knowing I help raise him.
So, there's that.
Here's a bucket of hankboirgers and a couple of big gulps and crap, you fat tits! Try not to choke, you fat tub of We loves you.
The biggest charity event thus far in the history of the world.
The United Celebrities Foundation event starring Dethklok with special guests the London Philharmonic.
Experts say they will raise an estimated $20 million from this night alone.
That's a fun laser beam, pal.
~ I want to keep my money ~ ~ And give away absolutely nothing ~ ~ To the government ~ ~ Who regulates my spending and obliterates depending ~ ~ On what time of the year Brutality is near ~ ~ In the form of income tax ~ Well, Fatty that's was not great back there how you killed an entire orchestra.
Looks cool, but it does not reflects on us very well.
Fatty ding dongs, we's would likes to have a word with you fathers to son.
Now, we know it's totally your fault that the London Philharmonic was sliced in half by a laser beam.
And we know that you're sorry.
We know that.
But I guess I guess we'd kind of hoped that you'd use better judgment, you know.
You know, and as your fathers, we like to Oh, he ate my shoes, the little bastard! He ate my Civil War shoes! They are irreplaceable Civil War shoes, you fat son of a bitch! Guys, I know he's our son but we can't keep doing this.
I think I know what you are all trying to say.
I think we have to build a space helicopter.
Well, that's impossible.
But I think I may have a better idea.
Look.
There he goes.
He is free finally.
That fat beautiful sons of a bitch will be better off there.
Oh, he'll be fine.
He's fat.
~ I want to keep my money ~ ~ And give away absolutely nothing ~ ~ To the government ~ ~ Who regulates my spending And obliterates depending ~ ~ On what time of the year Brutality is near ~ ~ In the form of income tax ~ ~ I'd rather take an ax ~ ~ To my face Blow up this place ~ ~ With you all in it I'd do it in a minute ~ ~ if I could write off your murder ~ ~ I'd save all of my receipts ~