Mind Your Language (1977) s01e11 Episode Script

Hello hi, good evening everyone.
- Good evening Giovanni.
- It's not good anything.
- What's the matter? - I've got a terrible overhang.
- The word is hangover.
Whatever it is, I've got it.
I drank too much vino at lunch time.
It's fatal to drink at midday.
- Good evening, Max.
- Oh please, don't speak too loud.
I'm thinking, you've also been looking on the wine too much.
That's the trouble.
He's not looking, he's been drinking lie me.
Why did you drink so much? It was the feast of my patron saint, Saint Maximilio.
So we had a drink.
Then we drank for my patron, Saint Giovanni.
Then we had a drink for my patron.
- Then one for the Pope.
- Archimedes.
- Leonardo Da Vinci.
- Vernila Marcelli.
- Sophia Lauren.
- And after that I remember nothing.
Me neither.
Better go and sit down.
Excuse me, please.
Ah that way.
- Ali, what are you doing? - I'm checking with my compass.
- Yes, but checking what? - I'm wanting to find out where is Mecca.
I know where Meccar is Is a big dance place in Hammersville Ah, you spaghetti head! You're not understanding.
I'm explaining to you.
Tomorrow I'm having the honour of leading the prayer in our holy mosque.
So tonight i'm going to have a practice after the class Ah, waste of time.
The Sikh religion is the true faith.
That's not true! Catholic religion is the true faith.
- What about Greek Ortodox? - Vat about Martin Luther? Shinto.
- Buddha.
- Lerigion not tlue, onry state is tlue.
Silence, please! Come on, sitting down everyone.
Sit down.
Actually you are all wrong, according to The Bible, the original true faith was the Jewish one.
- I don't believe it.
- It's true, it's Holy Writ.
Who writ it? Holy Writ is The Bible.
You can't believe everything you read inda Bible.
No? Why not? Well, some of it is, how do you say? Fairy's tales.
You take that Adam and Eve.
You are not gonna tell me it was only an apple he was after.
I know what he was after.
I'm sure you do but we won't pursue that.
We are here to improve your English, not to disprove the Bible.
Danielle is late this evening.
We'll carry on without her.
As you know, in a few weeks time you'll all be taking your lower Cambridge.
So tonight I thought I'll give you an oral examination.
You are vanting to look at our tooths? I'll go around the class and am going to as you all to give me some answers.
I hope I get some correct ones.
- We are having a quiz? - Yes.
- Lie Mister Mind.
- Master Mind.
Yes please.
That's not a bad idea.
Let's make it competitive.
You have a knock out competition.
You mean, I'll get to punch up? No, only verbally.
I'll go around the class and whoever fails to answer correctly, drops out.
Where do we start? Yes, Jamela.
I'll give you an easy one to start with.
- What is the plural of goose? - Goose? - Yes.
One goose, two? - Gooses.
She's knocked out.
- The plural of goose is geese.
- Oh yes, geese.
I'll come back.
Let's have another one.
let me see - What is the opposite of good? - Not good.
I thought you would have said bad, but we'll accept that.
Giovanni, what is an apostle? That's easy.
Epistle is the wife of apostle.
- Cuts you out.
- I'm wrong? Epistle is a letter.
Max, give me another word for forward.
- Mcdonald.
- McDonald? Yes, he plays forward.
I didn't mean that forward.
Another word for moving forward.
- Advance? - Advance.
Yes, good, well done.
- Anna, another word for debunk.
- Debate.
No, it means, to ridicule.
Ali, correct the following sentence.
Iast night, I'm going to the cinema.
Iast night, I'm not going to the cinema.
- Wrong.
- It's not wrong.
Because last night, I'm not going anywhere at all.
You should have said, ' last night, I went to the cinema' I'm telling you, I didn't went.
It doesn't matter whether you did, or didn't.
You're out.
I'm sorry I'm so late, Mr.
Brown.
That's alright, Danielle.
Were you held up by the traffic? No, I was held up by a man.
Good heavens! You mean a mugger? I don't know his name.
But he works as a woodwork teacher here in the school.
One of the teachers here tried to rob you? - No, not rob me - Well, surely not - He was trying to chat me up.
- Ahh, I see! He wanted to take me out.
You want, I give him a punch of five.
- He's bigger than you, Max.
- Everybody is bigger than Max.
Hey! Watch what you're saying.
Now listen, this is school, so - Oay, come outside.
- Settle down, you two.
Don't worry, Danielle.
I'm sure this woodwork teacher, whatever his name is was only trying to be friendly.
But he was trying to be more than friendly.
He would not let me pass until l agreed to have dinner with him.
This seems to have been rather persistent.
Then eureka! What do you say? I had a brain wash.
- Wave.
- Yes.
I tell him I cannot go out with him because I'm engaged to be married.
Very good.
Quick thinking.
- There's only one problem.
- What was that? I tell him I'm engaged to be married to you.
- Me? - Yes.
- It was a good idea, yes.
- It was a good idea, no.
- Did anyone overhear you? - Only Gladys.
Oh great! It's as good as putting it on the news at ten.
It'll be all over the school by now.
You say that Mr.
Brown is engaged to his French student? That's right.
I heard her tell Mr.
Javis in the tea room.
This is absolutely disgraceful.
I thought he might have the decency to tell me first.
- Tell you? - Yes.
It's most inconsiderate.
Oh dear! I'm sorry, I didn't know.
- Know what? - Oh nothing nothing.
I must be getting back.
Gladys, did you tell anything to Ms.
Courtney about Danielle and me? - Only in passing.
- Oh great! I didn't mean any harm.
l had no idea she felt that way.
- What way? - About you.
- What are you talking about? - Unrequited love.
You and her ladyship.
She fancies you.
- Don't be ridiculous! - It's true.
She was very upset when she heard about you and Danielle.
Gladys, I don't know where you got this ridiculous story from.
You are completely mistaken.
No, I'm not.
I heard her.
She told you that she fancied me? Not in so many words, but I new.
It was written all over her face.
- I can't believe it.
- Yes, it's not unusual though.
lots of older women fall for younger men.
My sister ran off with a 30 year old milkman.
- Really? How old was your sister? - 65.
Ms.
Courtney has always given me the impression she didn't lie me.
Oh well, women are very funny.
And she's at a funny age.
You can say that again.
Best of luck.
To think of it, you're not far off yourself.
Come in.
Ms.
Courtney.
Well well! If this isn't the college Casanova.
I've come to explain about that.
Are you sure you can spare the time? It's a complete misunderstanding You see, I'm not really engaged to Danielle.
She only said that to stop one of the teachers from pestering her.
- Really? - It's perfectly true.
A professor of a woodwork class was trying to chat her up.
- Mr.
Javis? - ls that his name? I've never met him.
She concocted the whole thing just to get out of an embarrassing situation.
- I see.
- I'm terribly sorry.
- Especially in view of well - In view of what? - I'd hardly lie to mention it.
- But you have mentioned it.
So you might as well continue.
It's a perfectly natural thing to happen.
- What is? - For one person to be attracted to another despite the difference in their ages.
What two persons are you referring? You and I.
- You and I? - Yes.
Mr.
Brown, I had no idea you felt lie that about me.
Pardon? Well, as you said yourself, it's perfectly natural.
Oh, you poor dear boy.
- You don't understand.
- Oh, but I do.
Men have always found me rather fascinating.
I'm sure they have.
Look, let me explain.
There is no need to apologise for the way you feel.
- Of course it's out of question - Ms.
Courtney, please Now don't start groveling.
- You'll get over it.
- Yes, I suppose I will.
And now I suggest you go and quash this stupid rumor about you and your French fiancee.
Right, I'll do that.
Thank you.
- And Mr.
Brown.
- Yes, Ms.
Courtney? Don't worry about this bizarre little affair.
I shalln't tell it to anyone.
Your secret is safe with me.
You're very ind.
Poor fellow.
- Give me a kiss, come on.
- Mr.
Brown! Danielle, why aren't you in the classroom? I'm trying to tell Mr.
Javis what's between us.
So he's Mr.
Brown.
I'd appreciate it Mr.
Javis if you stop pestering my student if you don't mind.
You're quite sensitive about her.
Have green eyes? Certainly not.
Come on then, as they say in this lovely lady's land.
Shut your garb! Don't you speak to Mr.
Brown lie this! - He'll get aggressive.
- Oh really? - He's not frightened of you.
- Oh, aren't you? - Well, I'm not.
- No, he's not! And if you're not careful, he'll hit you.
Danielle, you can let him try.
look Javis, I'm not in - And he's ready whenever you are.
Right! Tonight, after class, in the yard.
We'll have a punch up! - Here you are, Mr.
Brown.
- Thanks Sid.
A drink.
A drop of brandy.
Help you step up in the ring fight.
- No thanks.
- Please yourself.
I supose it's all over the school? The news has got around.
Hey listen, I can give you a few tips.
- Tips? - Yeah, I used to beat them right.
- Fight? - You've got it.
I'll tell you what to do.
You put your hands up lie that.
You stand, you start waving.
All of a sudden, you run, and punch! - I'm sorry.
- Actually, I feel rather nervous.
- It's analedine isn't it? - Analedine? - Yes.
- Adrenaline? You should know.
You should be alright once you beat him a couple of times.
It's him hitting me that's worrying me.
Perhaps I can tell him to forget the whole thing.
You cannot back off now.
I cannot fight Mr.
Javis.
It's a point of honour.
You must not let Javis know you're frightened of him.
He knows already.
I'll see you later.
Don't forget one two.
- Professor - Yes Giovanni? - This fight - What about it? We'll show you how to win.
When you get in the ring smash him in the stomach.
When he comes down, you nee him on the chin.
No.
Much better, chop him on the neck.
No.
First, you hit him in the throat and then you butt him in the stomach.
Stop fighting.
You're here to learn English.
Don't forget why you're here.
Right.
Now whom have I asked questions so far? Right.
Suli, give me the comparative and superlative of the following adjective.
- Loud.
- Loud, louder, loudest.
Right.
Ranjeet, complete the following proverb.
A bird in the hand Makes mess on your wrist.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
You're out.
Danielle, explain me the meaning of the word illiterate.
That is someone whose parents are not married.
No Danielle, that's illegitimate.
Sorry.
Paul.
Give me the opposite of the following words.
- Ready? - Not ready.
- I haven't started.
- I have started.
- Won.
- I lost.
- That's enough.
- That's not enough.
- Stop.
- Go.
- Sit down.
- Stand up.
Oh! Somebody stop him, please.
- I do good, huh? - Yeah, good.
- Darryl.
- Yes sir.
Give the following tenses of the word, 'to move'.
Past perfect, present perfect, past continuous.
- Say something, Darryl - I'm out.
How many left? let's see how many of you can survive another round.
- Jamela, count up to ten.
- What? Count up to ten.
One, two - In English.
- One - Two four - Three.
- Six.
- Four.
Sorry Jamela.
Max.
Give me another word or explain to me what is the meaning of ' sintex.
It is a tax you pay when you go to the church.
The word means, sentence construction.
- Suli, spell democracy.
- CHlNA.
If I as you to spell dictatorship, you'll spell England.
Or America.
Paul, that leaves you.
If you can answer the next question correctly you'll be the brain of the class.
Which doesn't say an awful lot for the rest of them.
- For what? - Nothing.
Here is your question.
What is another name for a valley between two mountains? Valley between two mountains? - Pass.
- Correct.
Correct? I win! I am the brain! The big brain! Yeah, it comes with your big head.
Don't start! Please sit down.
- Excuse me, Mr.
Brown.
- Yes Ali? - It is home going time.
- Not quite.
But you are wanting to get ready for your big fight tonight with the woodpecker teacher.
We want to be there in time to see you noc his teeth.
There's not going to be any fight.
- You don't mean that.
- I do.
Then what about all the money we bet? Money? You mean, you are betting on the result? Sure.
We all put one pound each.
- Ten pounds for me to win? - No, we backed the other fellow.
- Thanks a lot.
- No, I'm only joking.
Sure, we backed you to win.
- You ready then? - Really? Yeah, for the fight.
Yes.
Could I have a word with you Mr.
Javis? - Well.
- We are reasonable men.
I'm not.
I'm sure we can settle this amicably.
No, sure we cannot.
Ah! Just the two persons I wanted to see.
What's all this I hear about a fight? Just a private matter between Mr.
Brown and myself.
Nonsense! It's common knowledge throughout the whole school.
Now step into my office, shut the door behind you and take heed for I shall not tell you again.
I will not have members of my staff brawling in public.
- I absolutely forbid it.
- You do? - Most definitely.
- Good.
I mean, what a pity.
I was quite looking forward to it.
That's not the impression I got.
You mean you were actually looking forward to this fight? Oh yes.
There was a point of honour at stake.
- What point of honour? - This person insulted Danielle.
He forced his attentions on her.
I see! Male chauvinism, Mr.
Javis? Why not? Women lie to be dominated.
Nonsense! Come now, Ms.
Courtney, man by nature is the hunter.
This puts an entirely different complexion on the matter.
- It does? - Yes.
Much as I abhor fighting I see under the circumstances your motives were justified.
So, we can have a little punch up in the eye.
- Certainly not.
- Than God.
We will settle this in a much more civilized and sporting manner.
I quite agree.
How about a game of chess? The school has a perfectly good gymnasium.
If you must knock each other about, I suggest you do it there.
Tomorrow night, after class.
- Where is Mr.
Brown? - He's just putting his gloves on.
Here he comes.
Sit down, please.
I have something for you.
What's that? Put this in your gloves, and he'll fall flat.
But it will break my wrist too.
No, thank you.
No Darryl, you do that after each round.
Alright quiet please! Ladies and gentlemen, this is a three round contest.
Three minutes each round.
On my right, from the woodwork department, Mr.
Javis.
And on my left, from the language department, Mr.
Brown.
Now listen, I want a good clean fight, remember this.
I want no scratching, poaching, grouching, hitting below the belt.
Shake hands now.
Come back fighting.
Second round.
Come on, Mr.
Brown.
- Stool? - No, it's not over yet.
This is a fight, not a dance.
You've ased for it! One, two one, two.
One, two, three, four, five Go back to your corner.
- You are getting very worried.
- This worry is going to ill me.
- We're going to lose our money.
- We've got to do smoothing.
I've got an idea.
Hey, that's a good idea.
Mr.
Woodwork, you box real good.
- You boxed before? - Once or twice.
But it's easy to defeat Mr.
Brown.
Somehow I don't think I'd lie to be in your shoes.
One, two five Good evening everyone.
Mr.
Brown, I want to than you for what you did last night.
- You were so brave.
- Oh, it was nothing really.
- Mr.
Brown.
- What is it? - He's at it again.
- Who's at it again? That woodpecker teacher, Mr.
Javis.
He's making advantages to Jamela.
Advances.
So I'm giving him a kick in his backside.
Now he's challenging me to a punch up.
Oh, not again! I don't think you should go through with it.
I mean, with all due respect, you are not as experienced as I am.
That is what I'm thinking.
So I'm telling this to Mr.
Javis.
Good.
The fight is taking place tonight in the gymnasium.
I'm sorry, I thought you were not fighting him.
No, not me, but I'm naming you as my substitute