No Ordinary Family s01e11 Episode Script

Every story has a beginning.
We were just an ordinary family until - Hold on! - Oh, my God! Something extraordinary has happened.
You can jump just over a quarter mile, can lift 11,000 pounds.
I'm fast.
I can hear people's thoughts.
- I've got, like, this super-brain.
- I can finally make a difference.
With your new access to dr.
Powell, you should be able to learn exactly what she's been keeping from you.
You've been trying to read my mind, haven't you? I won't tell anybody what I saw! I know you won't.
You don't seem to remember anything that's happened.
Daphne, you don't remember about the plane crash? Brazil? Our superpowers? Superpowers? Look, I'm sure there's a simple psychological explanation for her gap in knowledge.
God, this is such a waste of time.
Why don't we just show her what we can do already? All right.
Uh Hold on.
Oh.
Uh, oh! Okay.
Okay.
Put me down now, please.
Please.
That's not gonna do it, hon.
Wait right here.
Uh, here's water, in case you're thirsty.
I know you're struggling to reconcile cognitive reality with the illogical supposition that our family has metamorphosed into-for lack of a less-familiar trope- Superheroes.
You, too? I have my moments.
Listen, Daphne, you You have a superpower, too- A really amazing one.
Yeah, I have an idea.
Here.
Give me your hands.
Come here.
Do it.
Oh, my god.
I have superpowers.
Jim, it's your friendly neighborhood sidekick, and I got news for you.
Listen, a painting got stolen last night from the lindenberg museum of art.
Last night? Why didn't you tell me about it sooner, like, I don't know, while the heist was in progress? 'cause I didn't know about it till the guy got away.
I don't get it.
The piece this guy stole looks like my nephew finger-painted it before he took his nap.
Well, why are you telling me about this now? Because I ran a search on the price tag of this thing.
They're estimating the value to be $8 million.
That's the kind of numbers a superhero like yourself should be aware of.
Stay behind the yellow lines.
I told you a thousand times.
Gotta go, george.
Oh, you just saved my life.
Are you all right? Yeah.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
What's your name? Doesn't matter.
As long as you're okay No, look, look, look.
When I tell my wife what happened to me today, she's gonna wanna know the name of the man who saved my life.
Please.
Jim.
Jim powell.
Jim, I'm Dave cotten.
Thank you so much.
It's fine.
And so Daphne downloaded a host of extrasensory images, and now she's completely caught up.
Okay, that's fascinating.
I attribute it to the stress of the past couple months coupled with the natural hormonal imbalance of a teenaged girl.
Uh, I can relate, and I'm practically an adult.
Uh, katie, what do you mean, "practically"? I'm just not sure that I technically qualify.
What? Okay, so have you ever had somebody look at you, and it's like they are looking directly into your prefrontal cortex? Oh, katie, you're in love.
That's a valid diagnosis.
I do have all of the classic symptoms- Anxiety, uneasiness, dread.
Well, that's not how you're supposed to feel when you're in love.
Well, in my case, it is, because love leads to commitment, and commitment leads to intimacy, and intimacy Has Proven to be somewhat unchartered territory.
Katie, are you saying that you're still a- Okay, so back in high school, i decided that I was gonna wait for the one, like morpheus waited for neo in "the matrix," but with sexual relations.
I waited so long for him, that at some point, I just Never quite stopped waiting, and I'm not really sure how to explain that to joshua.
Look, I'm sure if he feels the same way about you, he won't care a bit.
Uh, you guys relax.
I'll get it.
Hold on.
I'm coming.
Jim.
Dave? Uh, oh! Thank you so much! It's really okay.
I- I really didn't do anything.
Oh, I told you he'd say that.
This is my wife michelle.
Hi.
And our children chloe and troy.
Come on in.
Oh, they really wanted to meet you.
Um Oh, hi.
I'm-i'm Dave.
Hi.
Sorry for interrupting your family's evening.
And this is my family.
Uh, this is my wife Stephanie, um, Daphne, and J.
J.
You must be so proud of him.
We are.
We just don't know why you are.
What, you didn't tell her? Heroic and humble.
You'd think you save somebody's life every day.
"Every day" would be an exaggeration.
Listen, I'm not very good at cooking, but I'm very good at eating, and Dave here can grill the hell out of anything.
We would love it if you would all come to our house tomorrow for a barbecue.
Please.
It is the least that we can do to thank the man who saved my husband's life.
Oh, that's really kind of you, but unfortunately, we're gonna have to say - of course.
We would love to.
What were you thinking? We can't have dinner with these people.
Why not? Look, ever since we got these powers, we don't hang out with other families.
All we do is isolate ourselves.
We spend our evenings having hushed conversations about supervillains and trading comic book references with george and katie.
Wouldn't it be nice, for one night, to spend it as a normal family, with a normal family, doing the things that normal families do? What if they ask normal questions, like, how did you dent the bus and not the other way around? Then we just laugh at the crazy notion of a man being more powerful than a bus, just like we would have three months ago.
Hello, george.
Remember when you told me to call you the next time one of those paintings were being stolen? Consider this that call.
Silent alarm was tripped.
County museum.
Now.
Put the painting down and no one will get hurt.
Presync : Allez l'OM ! This guy was a total pro.
He was like james bond.
That analogy doesn't work.
Bond was a good guy.
But at least At least you stopped him from stealing a really expensive painting.
Not before I let him get away.
But the cops lifted a boot print from the scene.
As soon as you clock out of here, we can go check that out.
Oh, I can't do it.
The guy I saved from the bus yesterday- He invited me and my family over for a barbecue.
Kind of a thank-you thing.
Wait.
You're choosing burgers in the suburbs over fighting the bad-guy version of bond? Where are your priorities? So what do you think, the 4th or the 16th? Huh? They both Had good qualities.
It's not like you have to impress these people.
I I already saved the guy's life.
Look, I know.
No, it's just- There's something about michelle that I felt like I could relate to.
It just feels like a long time since I've had someone to hang out with that's like me.
Okay, okay.
I get it.
Would you relax? You look beautiful.
Thank you.
Uh, honey? Have you seen my journal? You know, the red leather one? The one that I write everything down in about our powers? Honey, stop worrying.
Something like that doesn't just get up and walk away, no.
Sorry it took so long, can I get you another? What did you call that drink again? This is the most popular cocktail at the "star wars" cantina.
On tatooine, it is pronounced "doka-bo.
" What? It's just you, how funny and beautiful you are.
What you bring to my life, katie.
I can't believe how much it's changed since you fell into it.
I'm so lucky to have found you.
Joshua, I need to talk to you about something.
All right.
But it's kind of a tricky topic.
You can tell me anything.
Can i? Because I have a tendency to overshare, and it can sometimes be off-putting to those I seek intercourse with-discourse with.
Katie, what are you trying to say? Um Okay.
The truth is That this drink originated in alderaan, not tatooine, and it's a little-known fact.
We are so glad that you and your family could join us.
Oh, me, too.
We've been kinda stuck in our own little groove lately.
Dave's job keeps us moving.
First boston, then seattle, and now here.
Sometimes I feel like i'm missing out on friendships 'cause life is moving so fast.
I completely understand.
Sometimes you need someone to talk to besides your kids and your husband.
About your kids and your husband.
Right.
I think we're gonna need some more charcoal.
Here.
Let me.
Oh, jim, you're my guest.
You don't have to.
It's no problem, really.
Whoa! Hey, you buy in bulk, don't you? These things were a lot lighter when I was younger.
Yeah.
Yeah, come on.
I just need a little bit.
Got it? Hey, sweet watch.
Oh, it's my birthday present from michelle last year.
I asked her not to tell me how much she paid for it.
Hey, do you play? Oh, you know, used to, not much anymore.
I'm busy setting up systems.
Yeah, when I was in art school, I was in a band.
Really? What kind of music? Oh, it was a Hair band.
No.
Yeah.
Swiss psychologist carl jung believes that intuition is simply explained as perception via the unconscious mind.
That's a very bright boy you have there.
Hey, hey.
Um, a big day for chloe and troy tomorrow- Starting high school, right? Yeah, you know, we always hate to do that to them every time we move, but they always seem to adjust.
Speak for yourself.
Daphne, you and J.
J.
need to offer to show chloe and troy around the school.
Daphne nicole, do you hear me? You know, if you want, J.
J.
and I can show you around the school tomorrow.
Yeah.
Cool.
That is so nice.
Hey, how about a toast? Here's to new friendships.
New friendships.
Okay, break it down any way you want.
Everybody fits into your basic social archetypes.
You have your jocks and your geeks and Thank you.
Why are you going to my table? And the girl who thinks she owns the school.
So basically it's the same as every other high school I've gone to.
Oh, I wouldn't sit at bailey's table.
One thing that I've learned from moving around so much- I don't give a crap what other people think about me.
Bailey browning- Your current and next student council president.
And this is my table.
Oh, my god.
I'm so sorry.
I had no idea I was sitting at the president's table.
Guess you also won the election for being the biggest bitch in school.
Who would elect her for president? Oh, they don't.
Not really.
She just runs unopposed, because nobody wants to go up against her.
You seem like you know how everyone feels around here.
You should run.
Me? Half of politics is knowing what the people want to hear, and you've totally got that part down.
Come on.
What's the worst that could happen? Bailey and her friends could make my life miserable.
Which is different from today how? Look, you never know what's gonna happen from one day to the next, so you've gotta ask yourself, is today the day you thought about doing something Or the day you did something? The chem lab's pretty cool, although I was kinda hoping you'd know some girls.
Hey, natalie! You wanna meet a cool girl? Hey, nat.
This is troy.
He's new.
'sup? I, uh, gotta get to class.
Uh, bye, J.
J.
, and, troy, nice to meet you.
She's hot.
She's kinda my girlfriend.
Yeah? Well, not exactly, but we kissed one time, and since then, I don't know.
It's like she barely notices me.
You're a nice guy, J.
J.
, but, um, that's your problem.
Girls want a bad boy.
No.
Natalie's smart.
She's not like that.
She is like that.
You wanna know why? 'cause she's a girl.
Doesn't matter how smart she is.
Catch you later.
I had so much fun with the cottens.
Yeah.
It was nice to hang out with a normal family.
You know, she called and asked if I wanted to have a drink tomorrow night.
I was so glad to hear from her.
Steph, are you sure that's smart? I mean, as we get closer to people, it's only gonna make things more complicated.
It's not complicated.
She's just a wife and a mom just like me.
- Can I get just more wine? - Please, yes.
Um, so, I had a really good time tonight.
Good.
I don't do this very often.
Stand awkwardly in the doorway? No.
I do quite a bit of that, actually.
Um, it's the post-date part of the thing that I don't have oodles of experience in.
Well, I think this is the part of the evening where I should invite you in for a drink maybe.
Okay.
Yeah? Okay.
Okay.
Okay, so, uh, I think that I have got, um, some Juice boxes, so- Um, before we do what it is that I think we're gonna do, um, you should know that you're about to boldly go where no man has gone before.
What? I'm a virgin.
Okay.
I've totally freaked you out now, haven't i? No, it's I should-I should go.
Look at you, getting out there, making new friends.
I know.
It's been a long time since we've met a couple where we like both the husband and the wife.
Hasn't been that long.
You guys liked me and hannah.
You didn't like me and hannah? You didn't like you and hannah.
That's why you got divorced.
I'm just saying, it's nice to meet people where we can talk about normal stuff.
No offense to you.
It's just, when we get together, it's all, "robbery" this and "super" that.
That is not true.
We talk about other things.
Okay.
What did you come to talk to me about today? The art heist.
Check this out.
In the last two years, master thieves have also hit museums in boston and seattle.
Boston and seattle? Yeah.
Why? Uh, nothing.
It's just that before the cottens lived here, they lived in boston, and before that, in- Seattle? And you don't think- No, I don't think.
Why not? Well, because Dave's a normal guy.
So were you once! Maybe you're just too invested in the guy as a friend to look at him objectively.
I'm not too invested in Dave.
Really? You saved the guy's life.
You played drums in his garage.
Your wives are going out for drinks later tonight.
You guys are a bowl and some bee gees away from a key party.
George.
Look, I'm not saying he's the guy.
I'm just saying that maybe we should look at- You know, keep an eye on him.
In the meantime, you need to patrol that museum.
For what? Whoever the thief is, he's already tried and failed.
No, no, no.
When you get to this level of money, these guys are on contract.
The piece is presold to a buyer.
The thief's not gonna walk away from this kind of cash.
The guy is gonna strike again, and when he does, you need to be ready.
Oh, yeah.
That's awesome.
Hey, guys.
Am I interrupting? What do you mean? He thinks I'm hitting on you.
That is what you mean, isn't it? Well, that's kinda how it looks.
No, he was just saying hi.
He said hi to me earlier, except without touching my hair or whispering in my ear.
Are you saying you wish I had done that to you? Come on, dude.
What are you doing? I know what I was trying to do Until you walked up.
I can take care of myself, J.
J.
If you keep dating him, you're gonna have to.
Just back off, troy, please? I could, or You could man up and try to make me.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Oh.
Oh, god.
I think I'm drunk.
Finally.
I cannot believe how much you've had.
It is impressive, even for a 300-pound dockworker.
But shh! I have a secret.
I have a really fast metabolism, and it works quicklier than other people's.
Quicklier? Mm.
Mm-hmm.
All right, now you tell me a secret.
Right.
Right.
Um, okay.
Uh Okay.
When I'm driving my car Listening to the radio I dance my ass off, and I secretly hope that the people driving by are watching.
What? What? Okay, your turn.
You tell another secret.
Ohh.
All right.
I have a really big one.
Yeah? It's a doozy.
Oh, no, I can't tell you.
Come on.
But I can show you.
Okay.
Okay.
You just wait right here.
Oh! Okay.
You just-you stay.
All right.
Don't blink.
No blinking.
Hey! Hey! I was just getting ready to show michelle what I can do.
What you can do? You're not even making any sense.
I make sense.
My zoop.
Uh Ooh, you've been drinking.
Ohh.
Ooh, you've been drinking a lot.
Ohh.
Oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa! Whoa.
Okay.
Ohh! You're superstrong.
All right.
Okay.
Okay, well, when she wakes up tomorrow with a gigantic hangover, tell her that I had a fantastic time.
I sure will.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
You're superstrong, and I zoop.
And that's why we don't have any friends, because as soon as you start getting close to people, you want to tell 'em your secrets, and the powells can't do that.
Ohh.
I'm freezing out here watching this museum And hungry, too.
You don't think anyone would ever deliver a pizza to a rooftop, do ya? I sympathize.
I'm hungry, too.
Oh, really? What's that chewing sound? Wait, george.
We got action.
I'll save you some leftovers.
Gotcha! Dave? There were art heists in the last three cities the cottens lived in.
Plus, the last one was committed by a guy wearing the same kind of watch that david owns.
Oh.
Ohh.
Jeez.
Honey, your voice is like a staple gun to my head.
Don't you see? It all makes sense.
I'm hungover, but you're the one that sounds drunk.
Look, you don't know that Dave cotten stole the painting.
You don't know that he didn't.
The cottens are a completely normal family.
That's what people say about us.
You do realize that you never thought our friends were criminals before you got your superpowers? No, I never thought our friends were criminals until we made friends with criminals.
Look, I-I gotta go talk to Dave.
Jim, just Please don't accuse him of anything.
Don't worry.
I have a light touch.
So, uh, did you read the paper about that robbery last night? I guess they hit the county art museum.
Oh, I hadn't heard.
Oh, yeah.
The department's all fired up about it.
I guess they got a pretty good lead, though.
Security camera caught a glimpse of the, uh, perp's watch.
Pfft.
A watch? Doesn't sound like a very good lead.
Oh, depends on how distinctive the watch is.
You know, like the one you were wearing the other day.
Yeah? Yeah.
It's kinda weird that there's been an art heist in every city you've lived in.
Uh, jim, are-are you accusing me of something? No.
No, no.
I'm just making conversation.
Really? 'cause, you know, no conversation I've ever had with a friend involves them accusing him of being a thief.
Vote for powell.
I can't believe you're making me run for president.
Oh, just be yourself.
You're so intuitive.
It's like you always know what everyone's thinking.
You need to show people that.
Ugh.
Vote for powell! Take a flyer? I can't read this now.
The burrito in the cafeteria made me puke.
Vote for powell.
Powell for president? I knew I shouldn't have left my clothes in the gym locker.
They smell like a litter box.
Hi.
Vote for me.
Hi.
W-would you consider voting for me? I really need to call my boyfriend.
Why can't I use my cell in this place? Thanks.
I already know who I'm voting for, but good luck today.
I am so gonna waste you.
So apparently I have a superpower, too.
It's driving handsome, slightly mysterious men from my apartment.
Look, you know, you did the right thing.
If you can't be honest with joshua, then maybe he's just not your "matrix.
" Neo.
I know.
I just I really liked him.
He was charming, and he Actually listened to me when I was talking.
Oh.
Right.
No, uh, look, i'm sorry, katie.
I seem to have lost my journal.
Do you remember if I brought it to work? Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize that we were toggling back to your problems.
Sorry.
Right.
Uh, tell me about joshua.
I don't believe we had a meeting scheduled.
I'm out.
Okay.
Care to elaborate? I'm done working for you, doing things that I'm ashamed to These abilities- They're not worth the cost.
I've turned into someone else.
That's the whole point, isn't it? I'm not talking about the powers.
I'm talking about the things that you've made me do to keep them.
Fair enough, but But here's the thing about power.
You know, once you have it, you wonder how you ever lived without it.
Well, maybe I've found something else I can't live without.
Wait a minute.
I was right.
Dr.
Andrews has gotten to you.
Don't you understand? That can never work.
You can never be what she needs, and she can never accept what you are Or what you've done.
I guess we'll see.
I- I don't know what I was thinking accusing him like that.
We don't have any hard proof, and now it's cost me a friend, and I don't have many of those either.
Well, get used to it.
You don't see batman cultivating a wide circle of friends, and peter parker's always pissing off one of his buddies.
So with great power comes great loneliness? No, I'm just saying, maybe you should try, like, a different approach with Dave.
What, break into his house and look for proof? I was actually thinking something a little less dramatic.
Still risky, even for superheroes An apology.
Dave! Dave? they had first and 40 in the first half.
Not frightening.
Not frightening at all.
Jim? Michelle.
What are you doing here? Are you back to unfairly accuse my husband of another crime? I don't think my accusations have been unfair.
The stolen canvas is in your garage, not to mention the fact that the boots match the ones that were seen on the thief last night.
Those may be the thief's boots, but they're not Dave's.
Michelle, I didn't believe it at first myself- They're mine.
Hey, steph, I'm here at the cotten house, and I-I really need to talk to you about something, so talk to you about it in person, if you don't mind.
What is it? You were right that I was wrong about Dave.
I Obviously.
I told you.
It's michelle.
She's the thief.
I saw the painting.
What? Dave has nothing to do with it.
It's been her the whole time.
Michelle? Yeah.
You've gotta help me out here, steph.
Look, I-I know how to bust a bad guy But I like these people.
They invited us into their home.
We made a connection with them.
What am I supposed to do now? I know.
Uh What would a real superhero do? I don't know, but this is real life.
These are real people.
This is why we shouldn't make new friends! Oh.
No, look, you're right.
She is my friend, so let me act like one.
They've got you, michelle.
Anything that jim saw is long gone.
It doesn't matter.
As soon as he tells the police, they will tear your life apart looking for evidence to convict you, and they will find it, all right? If not here, then in boston or seattle.
Come on.
Do you really want to put your family through that? When chloe was 9 and troy was 7, Dave got laid off, could not find work anywhere.
Bills were piling up- Two kids and a mortgage- And so I took a job as an assistant to a museum curator.
This guy posing as a janitor found out that I was an art history major, and he asked if I would help him with something that he was planning.
It was supposed to be just the one job, just to bail us out.
It's amazing how quickly something you never thought you were capable of Becomes a way of life.
I do understand, but it doesn't make it right.
Just give us one day.
We can be packed and out of town and on the way to the next- You know I can't do that.
Please just turn yourself in.
All right, we have a friend who's an A.
D.
A.
Maybe he can help.
Okay.
Okay.
Just Let me talk to Dave and the kids first, please.
I need to tell them myself.
All right.
And then? I'll turn myself in.
Uh Hey.
Hey.
We need to talk About what you did yesterday.
I know.
It was immature and neanderthal.
Maybe more homo habilis than neanderthal, but- it was amazing.
It was? I can't remember the last time a guy threw a punch over me.
Maybe I'm not any more evolved than you are, but I liked it.
Call me later? Yeah.
Absolutely.
Nice goin'.
Nice hook, too.
I don't get it.
I was nothing but nice to you, and you knew how I felt about natalie.
I was gonna blow it? Anyone with half a brain could see that she was starting to think of you as a friend.
I had to save you from that.
Wait.
You-you wanted me to punch you? Like I said, girls like the bad boy.
And that is just the beginning.
So if you want a class president who knows pacific bay high, who knows how to get things done here, then please vote for bailey, because a vote for me is a vote for you.
Hi.
I'm Daphne powell.
We've heard a lot of great ideas today About valentine's day candygrams and the junior-senior dance, but I'll be honest.
I don't really care about those things, and I'm sure a lot of you guys don't either.
I mean I'm so sick of walking the long way to school.
You want them to open the west gate in the morning, so you don't have to walk an extra two blocks to get to class.
You want to be able to use your cell phone in the quad after school and for them to replace the gym lockers, because they smell like Well, gym lockers.
And I know a lot of you want the same things, because that's what matters to the school, day in and day out, so if you want a president who knows what's on your mind, who knows the things you want, then I think the choice is clear.
Thank you.
This is unbelievable.
Did superman ever send lois in to take down the bad guy? First of all, Stephanie is not a "lois.
" And second, we both discussed it and decided that- Michelle wasn't dangerous? Right.
I forgot.
Because you guys are friends, and a notorious art thief would never lie to someone she's known all of what, five days? Look, Stephanie wanted to handle this one on her own.
Besides, there's one thing I know about my wife.
She would never put herself in danger.
Is this where you're having your meeting? You know, the one to tell your family that you're going to jail? I followed you here, michelle.
Uh, no, no.
I-i'm going to.
I just-I just had to make this one last move so they could be taken care of while I'm gone.
Just go.
You've gotta leave.
These people don't like surprises, Stephanie.
You have to get out of here now.
Not unless you go with me.
Who the hell is this? Nobody.
She was just leaving.
Not till I know who the hell she is, she's not.
No, relax! Relax.
She's-she's just a friend.
She doesn't know anything! Look, the police are already on their way, so I suggest you just get back into your car and - She's a cop.
- No, she's not.
Ohh.
Michelle.
Please Michelle, it's okay.
It'll be okay.
I'm gonna get you to the hospital.
I could really go for a margarita about now.
I came to thank you for saving my life.
Oh, if it wasn't for me, you would never have been in danger in the first place.
Yeah, but if I hadn't shown up I might have gotten away with it Until the next time.
I looked you in the eye and told you that I would turn myself in, but I had no intention of stopping, Stephanie.
I just wish we'd had a chance to become friends- Real friends.
Michelle, we still can.
Yeah.
Maybe someday.
Why didn't I see it? Sometimes you look past the things you don't wanna see.
This is my fault.
I tried to make sense of the stuff I couldn't explain away.
I didn't ask the questions 'cause I didn't wanna hear the answers.
Everybody has secrets.
Not like this.
That's the thing about secrets.
You don't know what they are.
Whatever the hell your secrets are, jim powell, you changed my life.
Oh, that's great, george.
Yeah, yeah, I'll tell steph.
Thanks.
Hey.
Based on the license plate number, the cops were able to arrest the shooter.
Hey, that's good news.
Then why do I feel so bad? A family's being split up because of what I did.
Those poor kids.
Their lives are gonna change forever.
Yeah, but what was the alternative? Do nothing? Was I supposed to not stop the bus from hitting Dave cotten? That would have split their family up.
It's just Look, I just wanted to be close to michelle.
I wanted to have a friend that I could open to, that I could- I understand, I understand, but Trusting someone with our secret? That's gonna take some time.
What? Just made me think of katie.
Well, maybe you already found that friend.
Yeah.
Wow.
That was quick.
Hope you remembered the extra cheese.
When you told me that thing before, i'm sorry that I didn't handle it better.
You and I were getting more real than I expected.
It wasn't what I signed up for.
You know, no matter how old I am, i'm not gonna apologize for wanting to be with someone who loves me.
Katie It wasn't what I signed up for in the beginning.
Because I had to make a choice A very big choice.
And I choose you.
I choose you.
Okay, not to dampen a potentially heartwarming moment, but, um, when you say that you "choose" me, you mean