Sanford and Son (1972) s01e11 Episode Script

Hey, Fred.
Is that as loud as that TV'll go? I can't hear nothin'.
You wanna make it louder? Do like this.
- Can't you turn the sound up? - It's up as high as it'll go now.
And look at that picture.
There's two Humphrey Bogarts.
Can't you fix it? There's some knobs on here where you can fix the picture and the sound.
Tell me what to do.
I'll fix it.
See them knobs back there and one of'em say "volume control"? - Yeah.
- And there's two more "horizontal hold" and "vertical hold.
" And down below, two knobs say "brightness" and one says "fine tuning.
" - Yeah.
- Forget about all of them and just hit it on the side with your fist.
Go ahead and hit it once.
Once, Melvin.
You can't fix nothin'.
Now look at it.
There's four Humphrey Bogarts and six Lauren Bacalls.
This is supposed to be a love scene.
Look like they playing basketball.
See, now, watch me.
All you got to do is just tap it.
Well, I guess this set's had it.
Hey, listen, Fred.
Why don't you ask your son to buy you a new TV? He said we couldn't afford it.
Said other things came first.
Like what? Like if he was in an accident with the truck, he would need all the money while he spent that time in the hospital.
Yeah, while he's in the hospital, you here all alone without a TV.
- Yeah.
- Ask him to buy you a set.
- Yeah.
- In color, with a big screen.
And that remote control.
All you got to do is move your thumb.
Never get up out your chair.
Just use your thumb.
Yeah.
And after sitting around all evening drinking beer that'll be about all you can lift is your thumb.
I better clean up this place before Lamont gets home.
He'll never find 'em.
Hey, Fred, you remember Arthur Matthews? - The fella with the ugly wife.
- Right.
She put the "U" in "ugly.
" I don't like to talk about nobody but she looked like the part of the Polaroid that you tear off.
But here's the thing.
Arthur's ugly too.
- That's true.
- But his son gave them a big color TV.
Now they don't have to look at each other anymore.
I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna tell Lamont I want me a new TV.
Right.
Enjoy life.
After all, how long you gonna be here? Well, my lease ain't up till August.
I mean, enjoy life.
Enjoy some of the things that's gonna be around.
You're right, Melvin.
I'm gonna come right on out and say, "I want a new TV.
" Hey, Melvin.
Hey, Pop.
I got a surprise for you.
- I want a new TV.
- What? I want a new TV, and I'm not taking no for an answer.
- What are you talking about? - I'm talking about a new TV.
With the big screen.
And remote control.
And color.
I already told you, we can't afford a new television.
And I'm not spending my hard-earned money so you can sit around all day with your buddy, watching TV and drinking beer.
- Well, I guess I better be going.
- Stay, Melvin.
You can't be throwin' my friends out the house.
What are you talking about? Throwing him out.
Melvin was leaving.
Let him leave.
- Good-bye, Melvin.
- Stay, Melvin.
This is my house.
- I got something to say too.
- Say good-bye.
Your friend is leaving.
Don't move, Melvin.
Come on back in here.
- Melvin, if you wanna go, go.
- Stay, Melvin.
- Go, Melvin.
- No, Melvin.
You guys figure it out, and I'll see you later.
That's a terrible way to treat somebody who come to spend the evening with you.
Yeah, and keep you away from doing your work.
I did my work.
What do you want me to do? What do I want you to do? Why don't you clean up outside? You know what that junkyard looks like? Ajunkyard.
Just look at this house.
It's a good thing there's a wall over there or I wouldn't know where the yard ends and the house begins.
That's what it takes to make a home.
You ever hear that saying? "It takes a heap of living to make a home.
" Well, you look in the middle of this heap, there's not one decent television.
I already told you, I am not buying no new television.
Why not? We can afford it.
We got money saved.
Because I'm gonna buy something that's more important.
- Like what? - Stick around and you'll find out.
Hello.
Gail? How you doing? This is Lamont.
Guess what.
I bought a car.
- A what? - A car.
A little convertible.
- I knew you'd be surprised.
- This is a bad one.
This is the worst one I ever had.
Would you wait until I get off the phone before you have a heart attack? He bought a car.
He bought a new car.
Listen.
It's not new.
It's used.
But it's just as good as new.
A car.
What do we need with a car? So me and you can get around, sugar.
Listen.
You know, I was just thinking.
Saturday morning, maybe we could get together and pack a little picnic basket and ride up the coastline a ways, with the wind in our hair.
You would? Terrific.
I'll pick you up Saturday morning.
Ciao, baby.
I can't believe you.
I can't believe you'd buy a new car and I need a new TV.
- You always think about yourself.
- What are you talking about, Pop? - You'll be able to ride in it.
- Let the wind blow through my scalp.
I don't know what to tell you 'cause I've already paid for it.
And not only that, I'm picking it up tomorrow.
You selfish.
That's what you are.
What about me? Pop, let's face it.
I'm getting a car because I need a car.
I can't continue to take out girls in that old broken-down truck.
What's wrong with the truck? If she wants her hair to blow in the wind let her take her wig off and hold it out the window.
There's no use.
You don't understand nothing.
Do you realize that everybody has a car today? And everybody has a color TV.
Arthur Matthews's son bought him a color TV.
That's a good son.
Good and kind and thoughtful.
Pop, Arthur Matthews's son is a crook.
You told me that yourself.
He's a gambler and a hustler and a thief.
If a bum like that can buy his ugly father a TV why can't you get your handsome dad one? So now I'm not even as good as Arthur Matthews's son, huh? I don't know how you could go on living with somebody like me.
Well, I ain't, I can't, I'm not, and I'm leaving.
Why don't you go over to Arthur Matthews's house? You can watch television with him and his ugly wife.
Be like a rose between two thorns.
I'd rather be over there sitting between two ugly people watching television - than to be here with you.
I'm leaving.
- Well, go on, Rosie.
I'm leaving.
And you know that trip you mentioned about going up the coastline? When you start out there, I hope you run out of gas on a mountain.
And the filling station is ten miles away uphill.
And when you get there, I hope it's closed.
Thanks a lot.
There's nothing wrong with this TV.
I used to watch a whole lot of good shows on this set.
Just turn it on.
Hey, Pop, I got it! Hey, Pop! Hey, Pop, I want you to see the car.
It's a blue convertible.
It's a stick.
It's got Pop, come out here and see the car.
Hey, Pop.
Hey, Smitty, Officer Swanhauser.
What's up? - We have some unpleasant news.
- What? The important thing is to remain calm and not get too alarmed and panicked.
That won't help anything.
In situations like this, you have to maintain control.
- So take it easy.
- What are you talking about? Take it easy! - Okay, what happened? - Your dad is in the hospital.
- What? - I'll handle this.
Your dad is in the hospital.
What are you talking about? What happened? Your old man got picked up wandering around zonked.
- Zonked? - I'll read from the official report.
"Unidentified male, black, approximately 60 to 65 later identified as Fred Sanford.
Preliminary medical reports indicating exhaustion and overexposure after subject was discovered wandering aimlessly in downtown area.
- Where's he at now? - He's in the County General Hosp The subject, Fred Sanford, was admitted to County General Hospital where his condition was termed satisfactory.
" - Then he's all right.
- Yeah.
He's cool.
The report makes no reference to body temperature.
I thought he was going to spend the night at a friend's house.
I never realized he'd end up in a hospital.
I gotta get to him.
Hey, Smitty, what's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Get right on the Harbor Freeway to the San Bernardino and get off at Mission.
- Harbor, San Bernardino, Mission.
- Hold it.
You're going to County General Hospital.
Fastest way is to get right on the Harbor Freeway to the San Bernardino off at Mission.
And remember, easy now! Stay cold! - Cool.
- Cool! In here, please.
- Doctor? - Yes? Mr.
Sanford's son is here.
- Thank you, nurse.
- How's he doing, Doctor? - Well, he's coming along.
- What's the matter with him? Your father is suffering from loss of memory.
Amnesia.
Amnesia? He's never had anything like that before.
How did he get it? We really don't know.
Amnesia's one of those mysterious things that can develop very quickly.
Doctor, I don't know how to say this but my father's been known to play some pretty strange tricks on me.
Is it possible he could be faking this whole thing? Absolutely not.
How would you explain a man walking the streets like that all night? As far as I'm concerned, this is your classic amnesia.
That you, Arthur? Turn on your set and let's watch some color TV.
That's what he does every once in a while.
Calls out for someone named Arthur.
That mean anything? Yeah, I'm afraid it does.
Is that you, Melvin? Come on in.
Let's watch some color TV.
- Are you his sole support? - Yes.
I wish I had a color TV.
Maybe I'll get one where I'm going.
You hear that, Elizabeth? - Do they have color TV up there? - Who's Elizabeth? My mother.
She's dead.
He talks to her whenever he gets upset.
Well, there's your story.
An old man alone at home.
The son has taken over as head of the family, replaced him.
Feels unloved, unwanted.
His life at home has become intolerable.
So his unconscious mind finds release by blocking out all memory of it.
You'll find that a correct analysis.
- Are you the psychiatrist? - No.
I'm the ear, nose and throat man.
But I know as much as they do.
- He's gonna be all right, isn't he? - That's up to you.
His recovery and well-being is entirely up to you.
You're all he's got.
Yeah.
Can I see him now, Doctor? Sure.
That'll be fine.
But try not to upset him.
Mr.
Sanford, we have a visitor out here for you.
Just a minute.
Okay, I'm ready now.
Send him in.
- Remember what I said.
- I know.
Try not to upset him.
- Right.
- Okay.
Hey, Pop.
Pop.
- Hi.
- Who are you? It's me, Pop.
Lamont.
- Lamont who? - Lamont Sanford.
Never heard of him.
Listen, Pop.
Now, you're Fred Sanford.
Who's he? That's you, Pop.
Never heard of him.
Listen.
Now, you're Fred Sanford, and I'm Lamont Sanford.
And we live together at 9114 South Central Avenue.
- Where's that? - That's in Los Angeles, Pop.
Los Angeles.
Where's that? That's in California, Pop.
Never heard of it.
Why don't you leave me alone anyway.
You beginning to bother me.
Hey, Nurse! Nurse, come and get him out of here! Wait a minute, Pop.
Listen to me now.
Try and remember.
You see, me and you, we have a business together.
We got a junkyard and we got a house next to that.
- And we got a red pickup truck.
- Yeah? And outside there's this big sign.
- What does the sign say? - The sign says, "Sanford and Son.
" Never heard of'em.
Get on out of here and stop bothering me.
Nurse! Nurse! Nurse! Pop, don't you remember anything? Don't you remember the little room where we have our breakfast and our supper and where we talk? Our little room.
You remember? - A room.
- Yeah? - A table.
- That's right.
A table.
What else? - And two chairs.
- Two chairs.
Go on, Pop.
- And over in the corner - Yeah? What's in the corner, Pop? A new color TV.
- No color TV? - No color TV.
Listen to me.
As soon as you're well enough, I'm gonna take you out of here.
I'm gonna take you home.
I don't wanna leave this place.
I like it here.
I'm gonna take real good care of you at home.
I'm gonna take you out of here.
That's nice, son.
Son.
You called me son.
Then you remember who I am.
You're from the Red Cross.
You're the one with the candy bars.
You got a Baby Ruth on you? You ain't got no Baby Ruth on you? Listen, Pop.
Try to get some sleep, and I'll come back in here and I'll see you later.
But before I go, I want you to take one more look at me.
- Now do you know who I am? - I think so.
That's great.
I'm not gonna say no more.
Just get some rest and I'll come back and see you some other time.
- Bye, Pop.
- Bye, Melvin.
Well, did he remember you? Doctor, how long is he gonna be like that? It's impossible to say.
We had an amnesia patient here once.
Was here for weeks.
Couldn't remember his name, his address, nothing.
- Then all of a sudden, one day - He remembered? No, he died.
- But my pop's gonna be all right? - Yes.
He's a very healthy man.
He sleeps well, eats well.
Last night he chased a nurse out onto the fire escape.
What kind of doctor did you say you were? Ear, nose and throat.
How do you treat a patient that has amnesia? There's no specific cure.
Best thing you can do is take him home.
Take him home? And you think that's the best place for him? Absolutely.
He should have familiar surroundings.
He should have loving care and attention.
He needs a feeling that life isn't over for him that this old world is still a pretty wonderful place to live in.
Besides, we need that bed.
- I'll come and get him in the morning.
- That's the best thing.
He needs the sound of friendly voices around him.
I'll bet you he's listening to us out here.
- It's put him in a nice, relaxed mood.
- Do you think so? - Absolutely.
- Hold it down so I can get some sleep.
You go back to bed.
You come tomorrow morning.
I'm sure that once he gets home, he'll feel much better.
Thanks.
Mr.
Sanford, you're not going home until tomorrow.
I don't wanna go home.
I wanna get out to the fire escape.
Well, here we are, Pop.
Home at last.
I don't live here.
This is a dump.
Listen.
Just wait till you get inside.
You'll remember once you get inside.
I don't like this place.
I wanna go back to the hospital.
At least they had some pretty nurses come around at night and sponge you off.
I know, Pop.
But just come inside.
You got a nurse in there with a sponge? Then I'm going back to the hospital.
Just give it a chance, Pop.
Just come inside, okay? All right? - I don't like this place.
- Come over here and sit in your chair.
This is your chair, Pop.
I don't like this place.
And I don't like you either.
Okay, now, you just sit here, Pop.
Now, I got a surprise for you.
All right? You ready? Surprise! - It's a television.
- Not only that.
It's a color TV.
With remote control.
And it's all yours.
That's wonderful.
That's really wonderful.
- That's a 21-inch screen, isn't it? - That's right.
They got 24-inch screens now.
Why didn't you get a 24-inch screen? You see, Pop, a 24-inch screen costs more, and we couldn't afford it.
We could afford it if you hadn't bought that car.
I guess you right.
I took a beating when I sold What a minute.
How did you If you lost your memory, how did you remember that I bought a car? - You didn't even know who I was.
- The TV is bringing it all back to me.
My son.
You did it to me again, didn't you? What a dirty underhanded trick.
- You never lost your memory at all.
- Yeah, I'm losing it now.
Where am I? Who are you? Come off of that, you old faker.
You know who you are and where you are.
I don't know where I am, but I know who I am.
I'm Arthur Matthews, and I got a color TV.
Sit down, Melvin, and watch it with me.
Look at that.
Is that a great set? That's really beautiful, Fred.
Never thought I'd see the day when I'd watch Sesame Street in living color.
That's great.
You got a good son.
- Lamont? - Yeah.
He's the best.
Ain't nothin' I wouldn't do for my son.
Hey, Pop, I'm going to work now.
I don't want you sitting up here all day looking at that television.
That's how we work.
He does something for me.
I do something for him.
I want you to try to get that yard cleaned up out there today.
He gave me this color TV.
I'll do anything he says.
- He's a good son all right.
- Pop, the yard.
All he gotta do is say it, and I'll do it.
Pop, I want Never mind.
I'll do it myself.
Good morning, son.
- What are you doing, Melvin? - I'm gonna turn the sound up.
Sit down.
Here.
Well, I'll be doggone.
You got a remote control.
You don't even have to get up out your chair.
All you do is use your thumb.
Now, watch my thumb.
What's wrong? Must be this volume control.
Wait a minute, Fred.
Can't you make it louder? Yeah.
Hold this.
Sanford and Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience.