Sealab 2021 (2000) s01e11 Episode Script

If you're looking for me.
You better check under the sea.
Cause that is where you'll find me.
Underneath the Sealab.
Underneath the water.
Sealab at the bottom of the sea.
Look, I- I am just gonna lay may cards on the table and maybe you'll think it sounds crazy, who knows.
.
Maybe I am crazy.
.
But if this is crazy, babe, I don't wanna be sane.
I'm in love with you Wendy! Oh captain, for so long I have quivered at the thought of your lips on my crudely drawn mouth.
Your strong hands caressing my slender wooden body.
Hey, don't talk to me like that.
.
you slut! But when we met, I was working as a hooker mop.
Stop it, bucket-head-Wendy! Bedding down every filthy broom who laid down a peso for a bristle-job.
I warned her.
Save me! Save me! He's an animal.
What the hell are you two doing? You know I didn't mean it, baby.
Oh man, I was starting to lose it there.
Hey, the door's broken.
We've been trapped in here for 3 days! It's not broken.
You just press the.
.
No no no! You idiot! You just press the.
.
You just.
.
The door is broken.
Huh, what the hell.
.
- Idiota! Cabeza DE piedras! Nunca habia conocido UN hombre tan estupido Como Tu! Hey hey hey! Stop yelling, okay? You're just sucking up all the air.
Don't tell me what to yell or not yell! Oh jeez! Horse nostrils! Slurping up all the precious oxygen! Sparks, get a hold of yourself.
Claustrophobic.
.
Not.
.
getting.
.
enough.
.
I warned him.
Damn! He's out cold.
- Yeah? Ha you know, you throw a pretty good punch, captain.
Well, there were a lot of bullies in my neighbourhood when I was a kid.
Your dad got you boxing lessons? No.
.
nah.
.
I just got beat up a lot.
So, now when I get the chance.
.
I like to sucker punch people.
Yeah.
.
Hey, the repair grid says this door is broken.
All right man! You really save u- What did you that for!? Look we've been through all that.
Get away kitty.
The point is, once his buddies find out they'll be on me like steak on rice.
Got it? We've gotta cover this up- Wait! Don't close that.
.
door! Come on, we've gotta make it look like he fell or something.
It looks like he fell.
Yeah right, okay, eh, help me strip him.
We'll take some blackmail photos.
That's how we got dad to quit drinking.
What are you gonna do? Pose him with bucket-head-Wendy? You bastard! .
.
ahh Okay, that's gotta stop.
- Aw, jeez.
Your chin's like a rock.
- Yeah.
Okay listen, once this guy doesn't report back, someone's gonna come looking for him.
I am gonna catch some z's.
Seriously, I think my hand's broken.
Good night, sir.
.
Hey, dammit! - Wasn't me.
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That does it! Hahaha, nighty night, sir.
Come on, I wanna show you something.
What? A box? Eh.
.
you could say that.
- Uhuh Shhh, shut the door, shut the door.
Okay.
Now then, where were we? Oooh, hehaha, turn on the light girl.
I kind of like it better off.
Well now girl.
.
how are we supposed to get supplies in the dark? Aah, I think I have found what I am looking for.
Ooh ooh ooh, girl.
.
girl you are so bad.
Guess this really is a tool closet.
Hahaha! Hey! - Aaaah! What the hell is going on here? Marco! - Wow wow wow.
.
Quinn don't swing like that baby! - Shut up.
What are you two doing in here? Uhum, eh.
.
getting supplies.
What are you doing in here? We were trapped! Oh! Why did you shut the door? I simply will not stand here and listen to a bunch of foul mouth innuendo.
What?? - Yeah! And I.
.
I was looking for this, so now I'll just be on my way.
The door's broken.
The door's broken! Look, my break's only an hour, so if you don't- Oh my god, who beat up all these people? Oh.
.
ah.
.
ah.
.
that.
.
well.
.
eh.
.
ha.
.
they got into a fight.
And.
.
you know.
.
I tried to stop it.
Yeah.
.
But they overpowered me, see, eh.
.
that one guy over there, he has like a big hammer, yeah.
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a big hammer! And then I guess they must have beat each other unconscious, because eh.
.
I don't know.
.
I was asleep already.
Murphy did it.
Nice! Really believable.
.
Well, I couldn't get up with a smooth one like.
.
getting supplies.
- Hahaha.
.
yeah, yeah.
.
You were supplying that booty, weren't you? Oh I know, isn't that right! Ha ha! Yeah baby! Whooo! Hey! I am standing right here.
Ha hum, sorry baby.
.
.
.
bucket-head-Wendy sent you? - Captain? Uuuhmm, you're awake.
.
Hey, who hit me? Uh.
.
beard guy! Oh yeah? - Yeah! But.
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sir! How you like me now, chin strap? Sir! Sir! I warned him! - The important this is Quinn's here now and he's gonna think of a way to get us out of here.
Get your man hooks of my lady! Why did you do that!? What do you expect? All tidied up like that? You're just asking for it! Don't be a tramp like Debbie, for.
.
Aw! Man.
.
I really gotta get out of here.
Hey! Sparks! - Ouch, nice eye! There's not enough air in here for- Uh.
.
my face! Oh yeah.
.
my lungs are imploding! Ooh, you're awake, excellent.
When old man hit me.
.
- Fix away! I got my think a concussion.
.
Waiting on you! Now cause remember I can't fix stuff.
Oh great, now what? I'm gonna lay down back.
Cause our concussion had me sleepy.
Can't fix it laying down, baby.
Let's go.
Wait till I see Murph, I will get.
.
Uh.
.
Yeah! That's right punk! Hey, should beard guy be asleep with a concussion? No.
.
absolutely not.
Wake him up! - No no no.
.
Let him sleep.
He'll need a lot less air.
He might die, idiot! Then he'd need a lot less.
.
Not asleep yet.
.
- Shut up! Okay, Quinn, you've got a big fat brain.
So think us up a way out of here, would you? All right, first off, what do we have on hand that we could- Fire! Let's start a fire, so the smoke detector goes off, and then.
.
then we get rescued! And we can breath! I saw a gas can in here somewhere.
Who's got a lighter? - Yeah, you know we probably won't even have time to die of smoke inhalation before those oxygen thanks explode and blow us through the roof! Great idea! We'll use the oxygen tanks to blow us out of here.
Come on people! You know Sealab is prone to massive explosions.
Yeah.
.
this place is a freaking bomb on stilts.
You know.
.
If I had a nickle for - Oh my god, I am claustrophobic! We've gotta get out of here! I- got a plan.
.
Gonna need this.
.
Gonna need that.
.
Those needles.
.
Okay.
.
what about this one.
.
This one's a bag of nails.
.
That thing could work.
.
Now.
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duct tape! Anybody? Hello? Duct tape? You go right here.
Oh yeah.
All right then.
We got the lovely Wendy here to sing her irresistible siren song.
And lure unwitting mariners into the closet.
Then we Shanghai 'em, and make them think of a plan.
Ehm.
.
I'm just gonna use beard guy's tools and bypass the circuit.
Well, why don't you just shut down every suggestion I come up with.
Why don't you call Bruce Springsteen and tell him to get another nickname, since you're already the boss.
Ha? Why don't you do that? Yeah! I'm gonna go fix the door now.
.
Who's Bruce Springsteen? Who's Bru- Man, you people.
.
Bunch of philistines! Come on already! I am running on CO2 here, okay.
And we really should have some plants in this room.
Would you shut up!? Oh yeah, God forbid anybody speaks while the mighty Quinn is doing his plan.
Nooo.
.
you don't wanna incur the wrath of Quinn.
Thou shalt have no other gods before Quinn.
Mighty Quinn! Big Quinn! Quinn izzzz.
.
Do you want this door open or not? I do.
.
Okay then! - Okay then.
.
Aaaagh! Nice doggies! - Shut it! Shut it! Dios mios! - What the hell was that? Where did does dogs come from? Oh yeah, now I remember.
.
- Remember what? Uh well.
.
you know how some people rescue greyhounds? I mean.
.
from the track.
Does weren't any damn greyhounds! No, I don't like greyhounds.
Too pointy.
So, I rescued some fighting dogs from Guatemala.
What!? Yeah, yeah, tough bastards too.
Real killers.
What the hell were you thinking, man!? Anyhoo, I came down here to get them some food.
They haven't been fed in 3 days? Uh.
.
more like ten.
Hehe.
.
I- I kept forgetting.
We're trapped in here! Yes? Yes, we are.
But.
.
it could be worse.
How? How could it possibly be any freaking worse!? We could be out there.
.
like Stormy.
You want the mustache on or off? Too bad.
.