Stripperella (2003) s01e11 Episode Script

1
I can't believe you won
stripper of the year, Giselle.
I know, I never won
nothin' before.
Well, except, once when
I was in the third grade,
I won a wet t-shirt contest.
The third grade?
Third?
Well, I was 18.
Oh, of course.
Right
Dancing waters!
Oooh wow!
Whoa
Wow, check out those hotties.
Aaahhh!
Help!
Help, I can't swim!
You're gonna be okay.
Whoa, you look just like
I know, Pam Anderson.
A lot of people say
I look like Pam Anderson.
What no, no,
you don't look anything
like Pam Anderson.
I was gonna say you
look like this hot broad
that was standing over there
by the railing when I crashed.
Oh right.
Well, that wasn't me.
You don't think I look like Pam?
Not even a little?
Nope.
Counterfeiting pennies
Now this is what
I call "making money".
Finished, boss.
This one only took me
three months.
Wait a second
In "dog" we trust?
You know I'm dyslexic.
Oh
Well, maybe nobody will notice.
Cheapo, we've been
counterfeiting pennies
for, like, years now.
Wouldn't it be more, you know,
better if we counterfeited
say, quarters, or even nickels?
Wouldn't it be more,
you know, better
if you just shut up!
Sorry.
Go on, say it.
Um, cheapo, me and henchman #1
we've been thinking,
maybe we could, uh,
use some of those fake pennies
to buy new uniforms.
We been wearing these
same ones for years.
I was thinking we could
spruce 'em up a bit.
You know, maybe with
some colorful sequins
or rhinestones
Here, I made some drawings.
See? Don't you
just love
how the orange blends in
with the blue and
Never!
Look around you!
I didn't build this empire
throwing away money
like some
Money thrower-awayer.
Right, boss.
Sorry, boss.
I have big plans
for these pennies.
They're gonna finance
our biggest crime yet.
Really?
How big?
We're going to Las Vegas!
Aww, nutcrackers, I lost again.
Giselle, what are you doing?!
Playing strip poker.
You don't play strip poker
in a casino!
But these sweet guys
said we was.
Come on.
Aww aww aww
Boobs
Boobs boobs
Yeah, goodie, I won,
18 more nickels!
Goodie, I won!
You know, Stripperella
donates 100% of the proceeds
from licensing her image
to charity.
I know, she has her own charity:
Animals need universal support,
or "a.N.U.S."
I happen to be a big supporter
of Stripperella's anus.
Hey, baby, the wife and
kids are at the water park
so I got the room all to myself.
Eww.
In fact, double eww.
So, you don't wanna
go to the room?
Fine, we can
get busy right here.
Didn't you hear the lady?
She said "double-eww".
She's not interested.
Well, how about you then?
What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas.
Hey, waitress, another vodka!
That was close.
He almost knocked over
my guitar.
You're a musician?
Yeah, I'm Devon.
Um, I'm Erotica.
Well, Erotica, can I
buy you a free drink?
Sir, here's your vodka.
Ah, Las Vegas
Home of free drinks
and the $1.99 steak.
It's a penny pincher's paradise!
Oh
Next time, can we please buy
two more seats on the bus?
Or at least poke holes
in the suitcase?!
How about instead of
constantly complaining about
things in the past
we can't change,
we concentrate
on why we're here!
So, why are we here?
We are gonna knock off
that casino!
Whoa!
Would you look at that!
Not that one, that one!
The copper nugget.
Inside their vault there are
over 100 copper bricks.
They're like gold bricks,
except that
they're made of copper.
Do you realize what we can do
with all those copper bricks?
Build a copper house?
No we can turn them
into counterfeit pennies.
Thousands of them!
I've been playing music
since I was six.
It's my passion.
When I write a song,
I don't share it with the world
until it completely,
totally represents my soul.
Wow, I'd really love
to hear your music.
I'm playing tomorrow night
at the double-down saloon.
I would love it
if you could make it.
Oh, this is the worst trip ever.
I'm down over $1000.
This is my last hand.
H-Hey, jackpot!
I won $1,000,
I got my money back!
Cigarettes, cigars, licorice
raisins, dates, prunes
Ooh, I love dates.
Excuse me, how much for a date?
What did you just say?
I said
"how much for a date?"
That's what I thought.
Vegas vice.
You're under arrest, pervert.
I didn't do anything,
I just wanted a date!
And maybe a prune!
Wait my money
is in that machine!
Looks like a police bust.
Unfortunately, most of the girls
you see at these casino bars
are hookers or strippers.
Hookers and strippers
are people, too.
There's nothing wrong
with being a stripper.
That's great you believe that.
All I know is I wouldn't
go out with a stripper.
Well, for all you know,
I could be a stripper.
What do you do for a living?
so I told him I was a
southwest management consultant
for the file
engineering division
of a company that
manufactures those little caps
that go on the top of the Poles
in the chainlink fences.
I just couldn't tell him
I was a stripper.
When some people hear "stripper"
all they can picture
is some crazy, slutty tramp.
I mean, none of us
are like that.
Well, except persephone.
I didn't know what to do.
I just have such a hard time
meeting guys
and you know
I'm a sucker for musicians.
He just seems so passionate.
I can't wait to hear his music.
I'm sure when
he gets to know you,
it won't matter that
you let strangers
see you naked for a living.
Oh, it's not fair.
I finally meet
a guy I really like
and I just know if
I tell him I'm a stripper
he's gonna want
nothing to do with me.
I don't wanna die alone!
Kevin, Pete, Mario,
Giselle and persephone.
You all have very
important phone calls.
Hey, Erotica it's me.
Wouldn't it have been easier to
just call me out of the room?
No, they really had phone calls.
Oh well,
what are you doing here?
The chief needs
to see you right away.
He's waiting for you
in the steam room.
Chief stroganoff?
Agent 69 reporting for duty.
Stripperella
It's cheapo.
We have reason to believe
he's in Las Vegas
and he's up to no good.
Oh oh my goodness!
I know, it's terrible.
Here, I have something
big to show you.
Look at this.
Cheapo placed this ad
in the local free press.
"Wanted: Eleven evil villains
to assist in major crime.
"If interested,
report to the 99-cent buffet
at the montage casino
tomorrow at noon."
I want you to go
undercover as a bad guy
and infiltrate that meeting.
Okay, chief, got it.
Remember, we can't afford
to have cheapo on the loose
just dangling free
hanging out in the open
with those two nuts of his,
like some sort of deformed,
grotesque wild snake.
Okey-dokey, got it, bye.
I'm glad you could all be here.
Dirty Sanchez, penis face
the plumber, rubber boy
evil locksmith, lazy Susan
crazy eyes, weird al.
We are going to Rob a casino.
Here's how we're gonna do it.
Rubber boy, we're gonna
need you contort yourself
into a little ball,
then you're gonna
Sir, I can't do that
'cause I'm not that limber.
Well, aren't you rubber boy?
Well, yeah,
but they just call me that
because I dedicated my life
to promoting safe sex.
Would you like a free condom?
No!
Oh, wait a minute, free?
Sure.
Can anybody curl up
into a little ball?
I can.
Oh, who are you?
Who am I?
Uh, I'm Robin
Robin stuff.
I'm real evil.
I love crime
and if it means anything,
I work cheap.
Well, have a seat, Robin stuff.
What exactly is everybody's
take in this heist?
How much money we talking here?
Our target is the 100 copper
bricks inside the vault
of the copper nugget casino.
For your services,
each of you will be paid
one entire copper brick,
each valued at nearly $16.
Ah, I don't mean to be
out of line, cheapo,
but 16 bucks?
If we're gonna risk
breaking into a casino,
shouldn't we be getting away
with at least several
million dollars?
Yeah, as you know,
I'm a plumber.
I usually get, like,
$60 an hour to plumb.
I'd be losing money
if I did this.
Yeah, we got skills.
The deal is what it is.
If anyone wants out,
now is the time.
That's it for me, I'm out.
Hey, wait wait
You each owe me 99-cents
for the buffet!
Yeah, put it on my tab.
Where do you think you're going?
Nowhere?
I wanted more jello
with the fruit in it?
You're still in?
I told you, I work cheap.
Then, henchman #1,
you'll have 15 seconds
to take down the guard
at that entrance
cut a hole in the roof
and rappel into the vault.
15 seconds?!
Henchman #2, you're gonna bore
a hole through the side wall
enter the casino,
then simultaneous deploy
stink bombs at all 17 entrances.
Can't I just walk in
the front door?
Erotica?
I'm sorry, you must have me
confused with someone else.
Of course it's you, Erotica.
You look exactly like you.
I recognize your tattoo.
A lot of people
have this tattoo.
I said I don't know you.
But what about the tiny scar
on your ankle?
And, oh, you got that
same heart-shaped birthmark
on your behind.
It's a coincidence.
All those things are
coincidences.
Now beat it, Giselle
Or whatever your name is
because I don't know!
Oh, I am so sorry, ma'am,
I coulda sworn you was her.
My apologies.
So, shall we continue discussing
all the intimate details
of the heist?
Ahh
We can't trust her.
I don't know what,
but she's up to something.
What are we gonna do?
She knows too much already.
We'll have to silence her,
permanently.
Ah, ha ha ha ha
Oh, and cheaply.
Oh, mom, thank goodness
you're here.
I am so ashamed of you.
Mom, I can explain.
It's a all a big
misunderstanding.
How could you solicit a
dirty hooker in a casino bar
when there are perfectly
good legal brothels
within driving distance?
Huh?
What are you talking about?
In this day and age you really
have to go to a brothel!
What, with the diseases
and the rude pimps
I tell ya,
it was a lot different back
when I was a prostitute.
Mom, honest, I'm innocent, i
Did you just say "back when
I was a prostitute"?
Yes!
I was a prostitute from
1948 to 1953
And, you know,
once again in 1993
But you knew all that.
No, I knew nothing of the sort!
Are you sure?
Mom, I think I'd remember if
you told me you were a whore!
A prostitute, honey.
Whatever!
Does dad know about this?
Of course, that's how we met.
I thought you met at church.
Well, technically,
we met on the street
but we went into the church
Oh okay, okay, okay!
Please, mom, stop talking,
just get me out of here.
Did you pay my bail?
Well, not exactly.
They do things a little
different in Las Vegas.
Oh, guard
My fate is gonna be decided
by the spin of a wheel?
Here goes nothing.
Freedom!
Freedom, come on,
spring me baby!
I won.
I won!
A Hawaiian vacation!
Yeah!
Okay, the helicopter's
ready and
Hey, what's
she still doing here?
And what's all this crap?
Ice cream, hot fudge,
whipped cream,
sprinkles, et cetera.
Why?
We're gonna Bury her
in the dessert,
just like you told us.
Bury her in the dessert?
I said Bury her in the desert!
No, I'm pretty sure you said
"Bury her in the dessert".
That's ridiculous,
why would I say that?
Remember, you wrote it down
because you said we'd
screw it up if you didn't.
See, "dessert".
It's got two s's
because you want more.
Ooh, where am I?
You're in an abandoned warehouse
and you're about to
be buried in
Dessert!
What?
Don't ask.
It was all
a big misunderstanding.
Nevertheless, get ready
for your last meal.
Turn her into a sundae, boys!
I hope you like
ice cream, Robin,
or whatever your name is.
I don't suppose
that ice cream's fat free.
Nope.
Darn!
You can't have a sundae
without toppings!
Ah, oh nuts!
Ow, ow, ooh, ow
Ow fudge!
Ice scream, you scream,
we all scream for murder.
Ha ha!
Let's go, henchmen,
there are 100 copper bricks
with our names on 'em.
They put our names on 'em?
No, you idiot!
It's just a figure of speech!
Having nipples that can
cut glass sure comes in handy.
Oh, I ruined my blouse.
Time to go beat the odds!
Does that even make sense?
I guess it does, yeah
Doesn't matter,
no one can hear me anyway.
This is the last of them.
Hey, next time,
can we get gas masks, too?
You know, the money we
spent on the getaway copter
and the stink bombs and stuff,
could have easily have
gone toward new outfits.
Just get in!
Not so fast!
Stripperella?!
That's right, cheapo,
you thought you could
Bury me, but I escaped!
Huh?
What are you talking about?
Oh, yeah, right
You didn't Bury me,
that was some other girl.
I wasn't buried
Anywhere.
Now, hand over the copper.
No.
Why do I even ask?
So long, Stripperella!
She's hanging on to the 'copter!
Not for long!
Heads I win, tails you lose.
A silver dollar!
Ha, I gotcha!
Boss, look out!
Aaahhh!
That's what I call taking
the helicopter for a spin.
Drat.
It's bad enough
she has to foil our plans
but does she always have to
make some smart-ass comment?
I think I'm gonna hurl.
Hi, Erotica!
You made it!
Erotica, this is Clark.
I met him last night
at the Blackjack table.
You ladies wanna have
a menage-a-four?
Isn't he funny?
Yes, if by "funny"
you mean "drunk."
Hey, Erotica, when I was
moseying down the strip
I ran into a girl
that looks just like you.
She had all your same markings
and everything!
I told you that wasn't me
Ooh, there's Devon.
He's dreamy.
I know.
I've decided not to tell him
what I do for a living.
At least not for a few years.
Oh, I can't wait
to hear his music.
I'd like to
dedicate my first song
to a very special southwestern
management consultant
for the bioengineering
division of a company
that manufactures
those little caps
that go on top of the Poles
in chainlink fences.
This song is called,
"heart potato."
My heart is like a potato
it can be baked or mashed
or French fried
or au gratin
or julienned
or sauteed with onions in a pan
potato
This guy sucks!
Potato
Potatooooo
Spud
I'm so glad you made it.
So, what do you think?
I'm a stripper.